Youtube Facebook Twitter Instagram Linkedin

Need peaceful screen time negotiations?

Get your FREE GKIS Connected Family Screen Agreement

kids

Is Your Teen Becoming Wealth-Addicted?

by

Click on YouTube and the first video trending is “Million Dollar Home Tour.” The next recommended video is “My Multi-Country Vacation” followed by “Upgrading my Lambo (short for Lamborghini).” You’ve fallen into the rabbit hole of people flashing their wealth and the expensive items they have. Next thing you know, three hours have passed, and you catch yourself thinking about how nice it would be to afford the huge homes, nice cars, and expensive vacations. Could you be falling victim to wealth addiction?

Wealth Addiction

In Dr. Bennett’s CSUCI Addiction Studies course, we learned that addiction is often characterized by three factors, compulsive use, loss of control, and continued use despite the presence of consequences. Typically, these result from drug addiction. However, they are also seen in the behavioral addictions of gambling and video gaming. If you compulsively seek get-rich-quick schemes, can’t stop watching online flex videos, and make rash decisions in your quest for wealth, you might be wealth addicted!

Wealth addiction or money addiction is a fairly old concept that is currently being fueled by new social media trends. Philip Slater’s 1983 book, “Wealth Addiction” illustrated how Americans are addicted to money.[1] Thirty-six years later, more and more people seem wealth addicted than ever.

In his 1999 research, economist Romesh Diwan compared wealth to the general quality of life. He discovered that the overconsumption of materialistic items promotes wealth addiction. Diwan said that people believe that if they buy the material item they’ve been longing for, they’d be happy. However, his research surprisingly demonstrated that purchasing those items did not fulfill the need and want, instead leaving the consumer anxious and dissatisfied.[2]

Key Influencers

Many YouTube stars flaunt their wealth and material possessions in their videos. For example, YouTuber Jake Paul has 19.6 million subscribers on his channel.[3] As of 2018, his net worth was nearly $19 million.[4] Paul shows off how much money he has by posting videos such as, “I Spent $1 Million Dollars On This Vacation” where he documented an expensive vacation with his brother and friends.[3] In another video called, “I Spent $100,000 in 56 Minutes,” Paul created a competition where he and five of his friends had to spend $10,000 cash in less than an hour.[3]

Jeffree Star is another popular YouTuber who shows off how much money he has. With 15.9 million subscribers as of 2018, Star’s net worth is almost $75 million.[4] Star also posts videos that flaunt his wealth such as, “My Pink VAULT Closet Tour,” where he gave a tour of his dream closet in his home that is full of designer clothes.[5] In another video titled, “Surprising my Boyfriend with His Dream Car,” Star bought his boyfriend an Aston Martin Vantage worth roughly $150,000.[5]

The Benefits of Wealth Addiction

Not all aspects of longing for wealth are negative. For instance, if a watcher is encouraged to pursue higher education to get into a higher-paying career, one might argue that the dream is worthwhile.

Another positive aspect of wealth addiction is sparking the desire to give back with philanthropic gestures. Despite his obscene displays of wealth, Jeffree Star donates money to several charities including victims of gun violence and LGBTQ organizations.[6]

The Risks of Wealth Addiction

Teaching kids that wealth is the highest priority may lead them to seek wealth from opportunistic marketers. For instance, several years ago in Camarillo, a get-rich-quick scheme was introduced to popular high school and college students causing a rash of school dropouts. The product called Vemma Nutrition promised riches in exchange for selling their energy drinks and protein shakes. To get in on the action, the seller had to purchase the products themselves.[7]

Another risk is kids seeking wealth in place of healthier activities like academics, sports, and socializing. After binge-watching videos, they may get duped into believing that money will solve all their problems and make them happy. Of course, this may not be true, instead luring them into false hope with pressure to show off wealth instead of saving or investing in their future.

For some, the first goal of earning is never enough. They chase wealth in a quest to find true happiness. That could translate into depression and anxiety. Addiction studies tell us that living to chase a high is a dead-end scenario. If wealth is the goal, will you ever reach it?

Thank you to GKIS intern, Makenzie Stancliff for alerting us about the risks of wealth addiction. If you learned something about this article, please join us on our DrTracyBennett Instagram page so you won’t miss out on other fun GKIS opportunities.

I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetKidsInternetSafe.

Onward to More Awesome Parenting

Tracy S. Bennett, Ph.D.
Mom, Clinical Psychologist, CSUCI Adjunct Faculty
GetKidsInternetSafe.com

Works Cited

[1] Peele, S. (2015, February 8). Addicted to Wealth – A National Trait? Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/addiction-in-society/201402/addicted-wealth-national-trait

[2]  Diwan, Romesh. (2000). Relational wealth and the quality of life. Journal of Socio-Economics, 29(4), 305. https://doi-org.summit.csuci.edu/10.1016/S1053-5357(00)00073-1

[3] JakePaulProductions. (n.d.). Jake Paul. Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCcgVECVN4OKV6DH1jLkqmcA

[4] Chakrabarti, R. (2019, September 15). The Highest-Paid Stars on YouTube. Retrieved from https://moneywise.com/a/the-highest-paid-youtube-stars

[5] jeffreestar. (n.d.). jeffreestar. Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCkvK_5omS-42Ovgah8KRKtg

[6] Diply. (2018, October 24). 15 Facts About Controversial YouTuber Jeffree Star. Retrieved from https://diply.com/11366/15-facts-about-controversial-youtuber-jeffree-star

[7] Press, T. A. (2015, August 26). FTC: Vemma temporarily shut down for running pyramid scheme. Retrieved from https://www.ksl.com/article/36179492/ftc-vemma-temporarily-shut-down-for-running-pyramid-scheme.

Photo Credits

Photo by Alexander Milson Unsplash

Photo by Christian Wiediger on Unsplash

Photo by Andrew Ponson Unsplash

My Kids Forbid Sharenting, and It Sucks

by

I taught my kids all about online safety, and now they use it against me. I’m a screen safety expert and a psychologist, and I admit I’ve had a screwed up relationship with Facebook. It started out that it was such a new and cool forum to check out the lives of people you like and had genuinely lost touch with. It was so fun to see that college roommate who actually became a journalist…or that high school boyfriend who kicked his weed habit and seems to have a great marriage with happy, healthy kids. And how exciting to show everyone how great your kitchen remodel turned out and how your kids were rockin’ those new backpacks the first day of school. Early on, Facebook was a beautiful landscape of fresh faces and fun stories…kind of like the first 30 minutes of your ten-year high school reunion. But then, just like that high school reunion, people started revealing the other annoying sides of themselves.

You know what I mean by that. Your cousin who constantly brags about her relationship when you know she kicks her husband out every other month. Or that friend who sensationalizes other people’s tragedies by pretending she is totally distraught and constantly praying – and you know she’s only talked to them three times. Your bigoted Uncle Bob spews racist rhetoric, and you get drawn into ugly political debates and later have to delete your overzealous comments after the bloodshed. At some point in accumulated online trauma, Facebook wasn’t as fun anymore.

Our kids witnessed it. They posed for us and encouraged us to share at first. But after a while, they caught on that some of the humor parents shared about the challenges of parenting weren’t very nice. They realized that their beaming grin with braces and green, shiny pool hair after their fourth-grade summer wasn’t very flattering. They started to fear that their parents were using them to promote the family’s community image…and it felt kind of fake. They were feeling used to prop up a virtual ego that was kind of pathetic.

Besides, kids love to kill their parent’s joy. I’m the mother of three, ages 25, 17, and 15 years old. Nobody calls me out more brutally than my teenagers. They don’t even try to be nice about it. They started to tell me, in no uncertain terms, that I wasn’t to post photos of them anymore without their permission. And me begging them to post was humiliating, so I quit doing it.

Look, I’m not ashamed of being a crazy mom. I love my kids. I want to show others how awesome I think they are. I also know I’m not alone. I hear about these issues every day in my clinical office. Some parents do it anyway…but it damages the trust in the family. Others, like me, post about our adult lives outside of our kids. We know that our Facebook friends are a different tribe than our nonvirtual one. There’s overlap, sure, but we only have the opportunity to interact with some of them on Facebook, and we don’t want to give those relationships up.

Go ahead and troll me and tell me what a loser I am that I still post. But let’s be honest here. Most of us still use Facebook to at least check in with others. Some have gone Facebook free, and, like recovered smokers, they love to tell us how it’s made their lives more precious. It probably has, but for now, I’m still posting about travels and puppies and the occasional funny meme. I’ve hidden the Uncle Bobs and fake prayers while celebrating those I’m truly fond of and rooting for.

And as for the kids who are revolting due to sharenting…have at it you guys! Yes, many of you are hypocritical as you constantly post on Snapchat. You may even assert yourselves more to boss your parents around than because you have an actual concern. But the fact that you have a passionate opinion and the assertiveness to state it is the kind of resilience I believe in as a parenting expert. You are the best advocates for GetKidsInternetSafe. Because typically, the kids who speak up to their parents are not blindly obedient pleasers. They have informed opinions and well-honed voices of confident digital natives. That practiced voice of calm and intelligence may save them from a bad actor they run across online or in their three-dimensional lives. I think that, even though we want to share the parenting part of our lives with our friends, posting should require shared consent. Kids do have rights.

As for our family, with the exception of a few side profiles here and there, I have opted not to put my kids’ faces on my promotional materials for GetKidsInternetSafe. I also don’t share them on my Facebook profile or cover photos, because they are public and not private.

Occasionally, my kids throw me a bone and allow me to post pics of them here and there. But once they’re up for a bit, I typically delete them – kind of like a manually-disappearing-profile ala Snapchat for old people. The truth is, it creeps me out to have a running photo commentary of my life that weird acquaintances could excavate if they were lurking.

For parents of young kids, get ready. One day you’ll hear a protest about it. If you listen and respect their great reasons for not consenting, it’ll be a learning opportunity that will build up your relationship. If you blow them off and play the authority card, you’ll be squelching their voices. Either way, it’s annoying to be told what to do by a tween or teen. But honestly, I’d much rather watch my kid be an outspoken advocate for themselves than a compliant pleaser. Wouldn’t you?

Thanks to Thriveglobal.com for publishing this article.

I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetKidsInternetSafe.

Onward to More Awesome Parenting,

Tracy S. Bennett, Ph.D.
Mom, Clinical Psychologist, CSUCI Adjunct Faculty
GetKidsInternetSafe.com

Insta-Famous Brings Insta-Anxiety

by

Instagram reports 1 billion monthly active users and more than 500 million daily users.[1] Most teens use social media for more than 6 hours per day.[2] Many social media users have shifted in intention, placing the highest importance on becoming insta-famous rather than sharing information with close friends. Insta-famous refers to a person who is well-known on Instagram, reflected by thousands of followers and likes. Teens can become consumed in this virtual competition for internet popularity, sometimes leading to a destructive pattern described in my book, Screen Time in the Mean Time: A Parenting Guide to Get Kids and Teens Internet Safe, as compare and despair.

Insta-worthy? Self-Presentation Theory and Impression Management

Many Instagram users lurk profiles, consumed by other people’s lives and perfecting their virtual selves. According to self-presentation theory, people are motivated to present themselves to show off an ideal self and please their audience.[3]

Our front is our best-stylized image. Our backstage is our true selves. Maintaining too many fronts can be overwhelming. Being great at impression management can be the difference between social media success or failure.

Shout Out for Shout Out

A SFS (Shout out For Shout out) is a branding strategy for optimal self-presentation on Instagram. It refers to teens posting someone else’s account to theirs and vice versa. The goal is to cooperatively promote their pages so both people gain more followers.

As self-presentation trends change in pop culture, so do trends online. In 2008, graphic t-shirts were the cool thing to wear to school. In 2015, hipsters ruled the school. And in 2019, the VSCO look was in. VSCO is the name of the popular app used to create fun colorful edits.

A “VSCO girl” has beach-wavy hair, carries around a hydro flask, has a scrunchie around their wrist, and shops at thrift stores and Urban Outfitters. My 13-year-old cousin shares, “Everyone wears skirts, Doc Martens, and scrunchies now. It’s so VSCO.”

Evolution and Optimal Distinctiveness

With popular editing apps such as VSCO or FaceTune, many social media users have unrealistic expectations for how attractive they should look in posts. Humans are social beings. We work best collaboratively. Social rewards like compliments, words of appreciation, affection, or being with a friend, are major behavioral motivators for young people.[3]

Seeking social reward and trying to achieve optimal distinctiveness (being unique but still super stylish) can be traced back to our ancestors. Belonging to a community meant being socially accepted and supported by a group of others. Many times, this meant life or death.

For teens today, that means walking a razor’s edge trying to look unique while still fitting in with peers. In this impossible quest, teens may be juggling several virtual and nonvirtual selves. Being too unique or too the same invites criticism and cyberbullying.

Getting social media likes rewards the brain with dopamine, the neurotransmitter released in the pleasure center.[2] Instagram programmers know it and bake it in so they can make more money.

Social media influencers are experts at achieving optimal distinctiveness. Viewers spend a lot of time and money trying to do the same. Views and likes result in millions of dollars in profit. This biological hack of social acceptance and connection makes the brand more profitable.

Risks of Social Media

Insta-Anxiety

The constant pressure to stay up to date with trends can cause compulsive online browsing and anxiety. Most teenagers do not have jobs to maintain the lifestyle that many YouTubers do. Social anxiety and the fear of being judged by peers can be overwhelming alongside daily social obstacles that teens face like bullying, hormonal changes, and self-judgment. Instead of fun, spontaneous sharing, teens can get caught up in compulsively second-guessing their posts or avoid sharing altogether.

According to recent studies, social media use has contributed to an increasing number of cases of social anxiety disorders in adolescents.[2] Untreated, anxiety can contribute to other mental health issues including depression, eating disorders, substance abuse, and even thoughts of suicide.

Social Anxiety Disorder Symptoms include:

  • Lack of desire to socialize
  • Being withdrawn
  • Feeling embarrassed or a deep fear of being judged by others

Low Self-Esteem

Forty-six percent of teen girls admit that social media makes them feel bad about themselves due to unrealistic standards.[2] Self-esteem is elevated when individuals are deemed popular by others. For example, having Facebook friends who are more responsive can satisfy psychological needs above and beyond the number of Facebook friends one has.[4]

Seeking Positive Feedback

We all like to know that people find us attractive. Social media, however, can impact us in ways we aren’t even aware of. For example, a 2018 study found that when young women received likes for sexy selfies, they were more likely to post similar photos again.[3]

Lack of Privacy

Teens don’t have the prefrontal brain development to anticipate consequences and engage in high order thinking. Subsequently, teens may not think ahead, instead focusing on the instant gratification of someone liking or commenting on their post. This can cause a habit of oversharing online. Eighty percent of people who commit crimes have taken information from social media sites.[5]

Ways to Improve Your Teen’s Emotional Reliance & Achieve Better Online Safety

To avoid triggering insta-anxiety, make sure your kids are neurologically, socially, and emotionally mature enough to manage risk. Although she says it depends on the child, Dr. Bennett recommends avoiding social media until the second semester of middle school.

Experts agree that Social Media Readiness Training is critical to help kids recognize risk, know how to ask for help, and self-manage use.

Use our free Connected Family Screen Agreement to set parameters and create a screen-friendly, cooperative dialogue. Just enter your email and name on our website, and it will be delivered directly to your email.

Encourage teens to share positive, healthy activities like travel, philanthropy, and college- or career readiness. Strengthening one’s motivation and goals allows teens to better separate self-esteem from social feedback.[4] Check out our GKIS article, The Social Media Teen Résumé. How to Expertly Stylize Your Cyber Footprint to Attract College and Employment Opportunities, for how-to help.

Create a customized filtering, tracking, and monitoring toolkit with the GKIS Screen Safety Toolkit. This course also offers smart parenting strategies, like making sure you have social media login information for back-end access.

Thank you to GKIS intern, Isabel Campos for alerting us about the risks of insta-anxiety. If you learned something, please share GKIS articles and tools with friends and family!

I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetKidsInternetSafe.

Onward to More Awesome Parenting,

Tracy S. Bennett, Ph.D.
Mom, Clinical Psychologist, CSUCI Adjunct Faculty
GetKidsInternetSafe.com

Works Cited

[1] “Our Story.” Instagram, 26 Mar. 2019, instagram-press.com/our-story/.

[2] Granet, R. (2016, September 19). Living In Live Time: Social Media’s Impact   On Girls. Retrieved from  https://newyork.cbslocal.com/2016/09/19/social-media-use-teens/

[3] Bell, Beth T., Cassarly, Jennifer A., & Dunbar, Lucy. “Selfie-objectification: Self objectification and positive feedback (‘likes’) are associated with frequency of posting sexually objectifying self-images on social media.” Body Image, 26, 83–89. September 2018.  https://doiorg.summit.csuci.edu/10.1016/j.bodyim.2018.06.005

[4] Burrow, A. L., & Rainone, N. (2016). How many likes did I get?: Purpose moderates links between positive social media feedback and self-esteem Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 69, 232-236  https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jesp.2016.09.005

[5] Law Enforcement, Social Media and Your Privacy: How Your Data is Used to   Solve Crimes. (2018, May 16). Retrieved from   https://www.nextadvisor.com/law-enforcement-social-media-and-your-     privacy-how-your-data-is-used-to-solve-crimes/

Photo Credits

Photo by Omkar Patyaneon Stocksnap

Photo by rawpixel.com from Pexels

Photo by Tea Horvaton Pexels

Photo by Ahmed Aqtaion Pexels

Photo by Dominika Greguson Pexels

Five Quick and Organization Hacks from a Screen Safety Parenting Expert

by


Now that I’m an “older” working mom, I love to share offline and online organization hacks and efficiency grabs that have saved me through the years. These organizational techniques were the difference between frazzled and peaceful at our house. With the overtasked lives we lead, most of us are guilty of brain fades and frantic searches while yelling and scolding overwhelmed kids. Even if you set up only one or two of these ideas, it may be the difference between fun family mornings versus a school day launched with tears and resentment.

Unclutter study spaces by setting up customized, distraction-free workspaces in niches and corners for each kid.

Kids in my practice often complain that the kitchen table is too distracting to get homework done quickly and neatly. The psychological research agrees. Studies reveal that fractured attention leads to irritability, wasted time, and poor grades. To optimize learning, set up a quiet corner office for each child. All it takes is a willingness and clever organization ideas and fresh accessories. Check out my GKIS Connected Family Online Course for a detailed blueprint for creating award-winning maker spaces with awesome Pinterest DIY ideas. A customized works station is a compelling magnet to get your kids creating in 3-dimensional space as a complement to screen learning. Ergonomic, body-healthy setups in the place of slouching on beds and couches avoid repetitive stress injuries to the neck, back, wrists, and hands.

Avoid missed soccer practices and study deadlines by setting up a digital family calendar.

Family schedules are chaos! Streamline communication and scheduling by color-coding child activities and setting up Family Share on Apple’s Family Calendar, Google’s Calendar, or Microsoft’s Outlook. Each member can share calendared activities and set up automatic reminders. Shared organization at a glance!

Just as you throw out old clothes your kids have grown out of, it’s also important to declutter digital spaces.

  • Schedule a fresh-start fall family meeting where everybody gathers with their mobile screen devices to trash apps and games they have grown out of.
  • Revisit (or grab) your free GKIS Connected Family Screen Agreement at GetKidsInternetSafe.com. This will help you set sensible rules like a digital curfew and create screen-free zones – including bedrooms and bathrooms.
  • Finally, teach cybersecurity measures from my Cybersecurity Red Flags Supplement. New this fall, you and your family members can tweak bad habits so don’t fall victim to bad actors online.

Cleanse social media profiles with an eye toward future reputation.

If your tween or teen is on social media already, you know the time-suck risks during school time. Help them sort out the necessary from the unnecessary by helping them avoid the bio-hack elements designed to capture their attention.

  • Consider limiting teens to only one or two social media apps to decrease wasted time due to mindless browsing and compulsive checking.
  • Insist that apps with visual notifications be on the second swipe screen on smartphones. That way they won’t get distracted by little red notifications and, instead, can batch their check-in times as research suggests is best.
  • Teach them how to recognize marketing techniques so they don’t get sucked into unnecessary buys using my How to Spot Marketing Red Flag Supplement.
  • And finally, delete old posted photos and unnecessary personal information from social media history. Sharing real-time with friends on a private profile is fun, but do you really want somebody lurking through your past photo-by-photo? Point out that other parents, relatives, teachers, coaches, future employers, and even college app administrators may be forming impressions based on your digital footprint. So instead of having an online resume populated by off-color jokes and sexualized photos, create a flattering stream of artistic works, philanthropic activities, sports activities, and fun friend and family time. A progressive, balanced, healthy life looks beautiful online – and may help you get a college placement or dream job instead of hinder it!

Reboot your Screen Safety Toolkit.

Each developmental stage offers unique online safety challenges. For example, little kids are best accommodated in a walled digital garden like YouTube Kids, and older kids need a little more digital space to explore and create. To parent well in the digital age, you need specially-selected free and third-party software tools to help you filter and block inappropriate content, set time-limits, monitor online activity use, remotely pause or offer rewards, and even locate and track the driving activities of your teen. If you get overwhelmed or need help figuring it all out, check out my GKIS Screen Safety Toolkit for tips, product recommendations, links to ISP and social media app safety guides, and free digital learning tools for best academic performance.

There you have it! Five quick and easy parenting hacks that will launch the school year with fun and success. Just as I recommend shoes live by the front door so you are not always searching, digital folders and organization tools will keep you dialed-in in your virtual life. Most importantly, set a peaceful intention with a six-second exhale for positivity and fun each morning before you enter the family’s living space. Parents must actively define the heart of the home. If we start the morning with a smile and warmth, our kids emotionally synch and return the joy. Soak in every chaotic and blissful moment!

I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetKidsInternetSafe.

Onward to More Awesome Parenting,

Tracy S. Bennett, Ph.D.
Mom, Clinical Psychologist, CSUCI Adjunct Faculty
GetKidsInternetSafe.com

Also, if you are a local Southern Californian and need a little TLC to get started on your screen safety/fun parenting plan, join me for a morning of pampering and friendship.

Photo Credits

Photo by DESIGNECOLOGIST on Unsplash

Photo by Kari Shea on Unsplash

Photo by Jealous Weekends on Unsplash

Photo by Matheus Ferrero on Unsplash

Photo by John Schnobrich on Unsplash

6 Reasons to Subscribe to GetKidsInternetSafe

by

 

Dear Parents,

Do you worry that you allow too much, or too little, screen time for your kids?

Have you read about digital injuries, like interaction with Internet predators, screen addiction, and neck and spine deformities, and worry you don’t know enough to spot risk in time to intervene?

Do you yell, punish, and lecture too often trying to keep them from doing what they beg to do online?

I did too! That’s why I started GetKidsInternetSafe 7 years ago. Yes, even psychologists find parenting challenging – especially nowadays with teens. When I started this legacy project, I was heartbroken and overwhelmed when my dad died and my mom succumbed to dementia. To get everything done and keep my kids happy, I was relying too much on Minecraft. The parents in my practice were doing the same…at the expense of the kids. I started to get freaked out.

But when I looked for digital safety tools and parenting strategies online for support, the best I could find was Dr. Phil saying to supervise all child screen use – as in, sit with them every time they were on screen. Because we all know that can’t happen, I did a deep-dive in the research, created my own screen safety parenting programs based on my 25+ years of momming and working with families, pooled resources of friends and colleagues, and founded GetKidsInternetSafe. Every day, I hear from families just like ours  telling me how much they needed it and how much they appreciate it! A feel-good project, indeed.

If you who have been with me from the beginning, THANK YOU! I’ve appreciated your support more than you know. And for those who are new to GKIS or considering subscribing, you’ll want to know what’s happening with GKIS these days!

As a subscriber,

1. You receive your free Connected Family Screen Agreement, designed to inform and inspire you to cooperatively connect as a family and set reasonable and sensible online safety guidelines for kids and teens. It’s delivered in 4 weekly chunks so you don’t get overloaded. Slow, steady, and fun is the goal.

 

2.  You get a free quick-read article once a week with fun resources, parenting tips, and valuable info about screen use risks to look out for. Please comment and share when inspired. so we can build as a community! (If you prefer emails less often, just let me know).

 

3. You are the first to know when I publish content through third parties (like Facebook’s parent portal, Healthy Living Magazine, The Good Men Project), interview on the radio or on podcasts, or appear on national and local news and entertainment channels.

 

4. You are the first to learn about new offers, like books, workbooks, online parenting courses, screen agreement supplements, workshops, and coaching! All different depths and price-points so you can build a GKIS mastery level that fits you best!

 

5. You can track where I am speaking so you can attend an Internet safety or parenting presentation!

 

6. Not only do I offer individual and group coaching, but I often answer questions and post content on my GetKidsInternetSafe Facebook page and my DrTracyBennett Instagram page!

And of course, I never share your information with anyone. Please let me know if there’s anything you want to learn more about (or just to say hi!) by emailing me at DrTracy@DrTracyBennett.com.

 

Thanks again for being part of the GKIS community!

I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetKidsInternetSafe.

Onward to More Awesome Parenting,

Tracy S. Bennett, Ph.D.
Mom, Clinical Psychologist, CSUCI Adjunct Faculty

Gaming Together Increases Family Bonding

by

Although a lot of parents let their kids play video games, not many co-play. Parents are busy! And for many, video games are unknown territory. Trust me, I’ve seen my mom try to play new video games, and she was beyond lost. But as a kid’s interest in video games increases, your relationship with them may seem to decrease, as if screen time replaces relationship-building. And with newer games like Fortnight, God of War, and Call of Duty, the complexities can drive a wedge between digital immigrants and digital natives. But it doesn’t mean they should! Many games offer teamwork and cooperation and can be fun for the whole family. Gaming might not be as scary as you think. Using hobbies your kids already enjoy is a great start to strengthening family bonds. Check out Dr. Bennett’s Connected Family Course for a guide on balancing screen time, like gaming, with family time. Read on to learn what co-playing has to offer, and why you might want to start gaming with your kids.

What makes co-play important?

The “fear of the unknown” can cause parents to separate themselves from their children’s virtual activities. As a result, kids can become isolated. Parents see this and either reprimand the kid for playing too much or guiltily allow the distance.

When I grew up, my mom provided me with interactive video games that offered entertainment and learning experiences. As a digital native, I started playing more and more online games and would even search some out in hopes that my parents would play with me. But because they were digital immigrants, they never did.

In 2013, researchers Hayes and Siyahhan found that “parents miss a huge opportunity when they walk away from playing video games with their kids.” They elaborated that parents don’t realize that there are many games designed to teach problem-solving, science, or literature. Not only can you learn alongside them, gaming with your kids can also offer countless ways to interact and have teaching moments. Gaming together offers new lines of communication and give them a reason to want to bond with you.[1]

Teaching and Bonding

In 2018, Bingqing Wang’s research on video games and family cooperation showed that family members who play video games together have better family satisfaction and family closeness. They also showed that families with poor family communication can benefit from co-playing.[2]

One benefit of co-play is the opportunity to work together to achieve a common goal. Strategizing and reflecting on executed choices encourages sportsmanship and the value of failure. Rather than the child walking away from a failure disheartened, parents can teach them to analyze the loss and improve on strategy with enthusiasm rather than defeat. Co-play also allows parents to set good examples for setting limits. Ending a gaming session together seems better than being “forced” or “made” to stop playing.[3] Shared experiences are more fun, wins are more fulfilling, and cooperation is much better than isolation.

You may be concerned that, even with effort, you’ll look stupid and won’t “get it.” But if you both played and had fun, they’ll recognize you took the effort to get close to them and better understand why they love to play. You’re not just an outsider trying to limit something they enjoy. Growing up, I had multiple friends who got to play with their parents and bond over the games they liked. They loved talking about it and became even closer, something I missed out on.

What to Play

Which games are family-friendly? Dr. Bennett said her kids asked for a Nintendo Switch so they could return to games they used to play together on the Wii. There are many options that are rated E(for everyone). It also offers parent controls and time limits that allow parents to manage what and how much their kids are playing.

Some fun and family games we at GKIS recommend are:

Mario Kart is a competitive driving game with lots of cute levels, fun characters, and a ton of quality. Race against friends and family in different beloved Mario worlds. Dr. Bennett cautions to start with the cow land…she says she’s spent many hours screeching in agony trying to stay on the slippery Rainbow Road while her kids roared. She says kids can’t get trusted to pick the level…

Just Dance is another Nintendo Switch game that Dr. B says provided hours of fun family co-play. With many popular and even old hits, everybody finds their favorite games to competitively dance to. She says her youngest was delighted by this game, because even when he was little, he could out score her and his older sisters! Plus, everybody worked up a sweat and got a little exercise. No pain, all gain.

Super Mario Party is a game designed for group play and loads of fun. With 80 mini-games, like Bumper Brawl and Croosin’ for a Broosin’, everybody has a favorite. Play with or against your kids with the large board game style platform.

Yoshi’s Island is an fun and simple game for the whole family. Jump around as the adorable Yoshi solving creative puzzles and collecting all the hidden items.

Snipperclips has great games for the whole family don’t have to cost an arm and a leg. This game is designed for communicating and working together to snip your cute little paper characters into the perfect shape for each unique and entertaining puzzle.

Knock ‘Em Down Bowling is a fun one with many game modes like split screen, team matches, and no gutters. With a variety of traditional bowling games and party modes, team work is always a fun possibility.

Forza Motorsport Games for Xbox offers lots of options for fun family car racing in professional-style track racing events.

Scribblenaughts for the Nintendo DS is a fun, emergent puzzle action video game where the players must solve puzzles in order to collect Starlites. Warner Bros. Active Entertainment published this game with the goal of promoting emergent game play by challenging the player through systematically more difficult puzzles.

I’m Jack Riley a GKIS intern. I hope you find the courage to carve the time and try co-play now that you see the pros in family gaming. My parents were never able to do any of this with me and as my interest in games increased, I felt as if our family relationship decreased. Interested in learning about other benefits of video game play? Check out the GKIS article Is Your Child a “Professional Gamer”?

I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetKidsInternetSafe.

Onward to More Awesome Parenting,
Tracy S. Bennett, Ph.D.
Mom, Clinical Psychologist, CSUCI Adjunct Faculty

Works Cited

[1] (July 2013). Move over, Monopoly: ASU researchers find families bond over video game play, Arizona State University.edu

[2]Wang, B. (April 2018). Families that play together stay together: Investigating family bonding through video games. Sage Journals.com

[3]Shapiro J.( December 2014). Research Says Parents And Kids Should Play Video Games Together. Forbes.com

Photo Credits

Photo By Kelly Sikkema

“My mini on our PS4” photo by Samantha Sophia

“Two people playing Sony PS4 game console” photo by JESHOOTS

“Nintendo Switch Joy-Cons” photo by Aleks Dorohovich

Cart
Checkout - $0.00
  • 0
  • 1