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6 Experts Share Productive Screen Time Tips for Kids

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On November 11, 2016 I was invited to participate in a panel discussion and present in a breakout session at the Safe Smart Social Conference at the Microsoft Corporate Headquarters in Los Angeles, CA. Here is a link to the panel presentation with thought leaders in child screen safety. My favorite takeaway?

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How can we collaborate with technology to build a connection with our kids?

Strive to have a strong, fun, connection with your children that includes an ongoing dialogue; one of the best ways to achieve that connection is with tech. If children see us as a partner in tech, then we can keep the conversation open. Remember that the partnership between tech and your connection with your child is the most important. –Dr. Tracy Bennett, GetKidsInternetSafe

Child Identity Theft is on the Rise. Protect Your Family Against Cybercrime

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Kids are the number one target for identity theft due to the chances that the crime won’t be detected until the child reaches adulthood and seeks their first loan. This cybercrime involves the theft and fraudulent use of a child’s personal information (like name, social security number, address, and date of birth) to open lines of credit, take out loans, or access financial accounts. This scary issue is the drive behind developing our Cybersecurity and Red Flags Supplement, a comprehensive tool to detect online scams before the worst can happen. Find out more about cybercrime and what you can do to prevent it with this GKIS article.

Identity Theft

Identity theft can be used for many types of crimes, including:

  • taking out a loan
  • buying lines of credit
  • accessing the victim’s financial accounts
  • securing a driver’s license or employment or
  • seeking medical care.

Personal information can be stolen from virtual sources, like screen devices, websites, and email accounts, or in real life (IRL) from skimming information from your ATM card with a special device or stealing it from your home, wallet, trash, or mail.

Who is vulnerable?

Unsuspecting victims can be tricked into revealing private information by phishing scammers. These cybercriminals impersonate legitimate companies asking for passwords and credit information necessary to process a fake change of address form, application for credit, or to avoid an IRS tax lien or fake criminal charges.

Vulnerable populations include young people, the elderly, and immigrants or workers here on a visa.

Why is it important to check for identity theft?

Once discovered, it may take several costly months or even years to get credit and criminal records cleaned up and sorted out. Your child’s financial options may be blocked or delayed when deadlines, like college and employment, are most critical.

Can you imagine dealing with that in your overtasked, underfunded life? There are companies that offer cyber protective services and others that help you clean up the catastrophic results of cybercrime.

The Child Identity Theft Bill

In 2015, I received a phone call from Assemblymember Jacqui Irwin’s office asking for a statement about a Child Identity Theft bill (AB1553) that she is sponsoring. Asm. Irwin served as Chair of the Assembly Select Committee on Cybersecurity in Sacramento.

This bill served to “amend the Civil Code to require credit agencies to allow parents or guardians to create a new credit report for a minor child for the purpose of placing a security freeze on the child’s credit. Without a credit report to freeze, protection is difficult.” She was asking for my statement and support and wondering if I knew any child victims of identity theft.

After sending out an inquiry on my GetKidsInternetSafe Facebook page, it didn’t take long before I’d uncovered three victims who were willing to share their stories. Two involved child identity theft for financial cybercrime and the other involved identity theft on social media for cyberbullying. I’m sharing the financial theft stories to demonstrate how easy it is to become a victim and suggest steps you can take to protect your kids starting today.

Megan’s Story

My first respondent was a dad whose stepdaughter had recently graduated from nursing school. When the family went to their credit union in preparation for purchasing a car, they discovered that the stepdaughter’s credit report was pages and pages long with a sub-par (mid 5’s) credit rating.

It turned out that a criminal out of Phoenix had fraudulently opened several lines of credit with her social security number. From Sprint to multiple department stores, the crook had charged a debt of over $60,000. The family filed a police report to start the long process of calling creditors and clearing her name.

Although they had the criminal’s address, they elected not to press formal charges. When I spoke to the stepfather, he did not know whether the criminal was ever charged. He also said they never discovered how or when the fraud started, but it seemed to be a single party that may have gotten her personal information when she applied for a loan for nursing school.

The fraud seemed to stop once the credit agencies were notified, and an alert was placed on her account. Ultimately, it took the family over twenty hours of filing time plus another fifteen hours from a private credit fraud service to get her credit repaired. A year after the discovery, they had finally gotten her credit score back to the 700s with letters from the creditors with apologies. Nightmare!

Jose’s Story

The second identity fraud victim shared a truly tragic tale that has spanned over thirty years. Jose, who is 40 years old now, was 13 years old when he was first contacted by the IRS and told that he owed over $10,000 in back taxes. Despite all efforts to get clear of fraud, he still has issues like denied credit (including a first-time home buyer loan because it looked like he already owned properties) to two court-ordered paternity tests for mistaken-identity child support cases.

Jose also shared a story about being pulled over on an arrest warrant while he was on his way to becoming a priest. The officer said if it turned out he was lying about the fraud, he would arrest him and make him apologize directly to his lieutenant. He responded to the police officer that if HE was correct, the officer would have to go to church and apologize directly to his bishop. He laughed when he said the officer lived up to his promise.

Despite his resilient attitude, Jose has had to change phone numbers and bank accounts, can’t pay anything with checks, and has elected to put all property in his wife’s name. Considering the decades of victimization, he has had to endure, he goes to great lengths to protect his children’s personal information.

What can a parent do to avoid child identity theft?

    • Protect personal information at home with tools such as a locking mailbox, an in-home safe for storage, and a shredder for the disposal of personal documents.
    • Install cybersecurity safeguards on-screen media like passcodes and screensavers, firewalls, antivirus and encryption software, and secure passwords.
    • Educate your children about maintaining privacy and using discretion online. That means cautioning them about disclosing their name, address, school, date of birth, or any other personally identifying information in images (t-shirts with their school logo) or texting or posting. Geotagging on photos and social media should be turned off to hide location.
    • Setup up filtering and monitoring software and parent protection options like those from our Screen Safety Toolkit to block inappropriate contacts on the Internet and monitor your children’s activities, particularly in chat rooms, social media, texting, and instant messaging.
    • Teach your children about cybersecurity issues and skills to protect against hacking, phishing, and malware. Good habits include consistently downloading updates for security patches, using strong passwords and changing them often, and not clicking on embedded links or opening attachments from unknown sources.

If you are traveling…

    • Don’t post pictures that can reveal travel data, like boarding passes, passports, or travel or hotel vouchers. Not only can criminals benefit from knowing the details of your trip, but they may also read personal information from barcodes to steal your identity. The best option, wait until you’re home to post travel photos.
    • Avoid public WiFi. Hackers can access your private information using a man-in-the-middle attack (MITM). This means the criminal intercepts the link between your device and the server. This breach is like eavesdropping and can result in your private information being accessed and even altered. Malware can even be delivered to your device. A MITM attacker may set up a fake access point named similarly to the public network connection (called an “evil twin”) or engage in “packet sniffing” or “sidejacking,” which means using a tool to capture network traffic at the Ethernet frame level. Simple shoulder surfing at coffee shops or on airplanes can also result in privacy breaches. If you have to use public WiFi, practice situational awareness, and verify the WiFi name with staff at the public site. Avoid online tasks that involve private information like online banking or using private transaction information like date of birth, credit card numbers, tax IDs, or social security numbers. Always log out when using a hotspot to avoid the hacker continuing the session. Consider setting up a secure virtual private network (VPN) to encrypt inbound and outbound data. However, VPNs can decrease your bandwidth. Public WiFi may not be encrypted, but most major websites that use a password, like Amazon and PayPal, have encryption. If the URL has an “S” (for “secure”) at the end, as in HTTPS, then there’s some level of encryption.
    • Avoid using public computers for the same reasons it’s risky to use public WiFi. The software could be silently running in the background, thus capturing data from your online activities.
    • If your child is traveling with you, turn off location settings so criminals can’t intercept your location data and use it for targeted attacks. On Snapchat, this is called going “ghost mode.” Of course, if your child is on an independent walkabout, you may want to leave location services on so you can track them for safety.

Freeze your child’s credit.

Contact one of the three major credit card companies to see what kind of protection options they offer, like a credit freeze, which has been demonstrated to be one of the most effective strategies for preventing child identity theft. Each state has laws on how a credit freeze can be done. Remember, once a freeze has been implemented you must order a “thaw” on the account before applying for credit.

    • Equifax: This website explains what is needed to mail in the request. According to the person I spoke to there is no fee for minors.
    • Experian: This link explains what is needed to mail in the request. After 3 tries I gave up trying to upload the docs online. I couldn’t reach anybody, so I sent in a check for $10 plus 7.25% tax (Ventura County).
    • Transunion: I had better luck with Transunion when I called the number 888-909-8872. A polite and helpful representative informed me that neither of my minor children had credit files (a good start). He then offered the procedure necessary to get a free security freeze on my child’s account by mailing a letter with the following information:
      • Send in 2 pages: 1st page: Cover letter listing the minor info: full name, address, last four of social and file # (rep will give you) plus reason for security freeze (“Proactively protecting my child against fraud) plus requester info (parent): Full name, address, relationship. 2nd page: Official request in letter style format mentioning enclosure copy of minor’s social security card and birth certificate.

GetKidsInternetSafe was created to inform parents about proven preventative strategies before tragedy strikes. To get a head start today, check out my GKIS Connected Family Online Course.

I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetYourKidsInternetSafe.

Onward to More Awesome Parenting,

Tracy S. Bennett, Ph.D.
Mom, Clinical Psychologist, CSUCI Adjunct Faculty
GetKidsInternetSafe.com

Smartphones During Homework?

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Are you fighting the homework wars? Wondering if screens during homework are helping or hurting grades? We can’t take screens away during homework time anymore. So much of it is online! Kids insist that tech helps them learn better. But does it? Today’s GKIS article covers who tech can help with learning and how it can interfere.

How We Learn

We have to have a good memory to earn good grades. To learn, we must encode, or anchor, that information into brain memory storage. This type of learning happens as we engage with the material over and over. Memories also encode while we sleep. Changing short-term memories into long-term memories happens through biochemical and electrical processes called consolidation.

Different types of memories store in different parts of the brain. Memorizing factual information (required to perform well on tests) primarily involves the part of the brain called the temporal cortex. Intentionally learning facts is called explicit memory.

Memorizing how to do something, like tie your shoes, is called procedural learning. It is stored in the areas of the brain that involve motor control. This kind of learning is called implicit memory.

Emotional memories (like those that occur in traumatic situations) are stored in multiple brain areas including our emotional center, the amygdala.

Research suggests that kids studying while watching TV may encode that information as procedural rather than factual data. Encoding in the wrong brain region makes fact retrieval at test time more difficult. How and where you study also makes a difference.

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To learn well, we must start with great brain health, get motivated, set up a good workstation, and follow best learning practices. Are you practicing these learning techniques?

  • Good self-care, brain health, and cognitive fitness are the foundations of learning engagement (like sleep, nutrition, exercise, and a positive mood)
  • A distraction-free study environment
  • Efforts toward mental engagement: attention and motivation
  • Putting the learning content in a variety of different formats (listening to a lecture, reading notes, writing notes, re-writing notes, watching videos, engaging in discussion, etc.)
  • Memorizing material in a variety of study environments
  • Making unique meaning of the material, such as generalizing and applying the concepts, especially with emotional connections
  • Repetition and practice
  • Avoid doing two tasks at once that require the same cognitive resources (don’t multitask)
  • Uninterrupted brain rest after each study session (mindfulness, meditation, time out in nature)

The Benefits of Screen Time for Learning

Screen devices can be amazing learning aids. Not only do they help us put the material in different formats, but they are fun and convenient to use! Here are some of the ways screen time benefits our learning.

  • With our screen devices, we have immediate, easy access to massive stores of information.
  • The biohacks built into our devices make learning fun. We are captured and motivated.
  • Online quizzes and testing help us immediately assess where we are with our learning.
  • Learning programs dish out progressively challenging content at a pace that matches our performance.
  • Screens give us access to others for group discussions and crowdsourcing problems.
  • Screens offer cool and create learning formats, like project management and brain mapping systems.
  • Gamifying content helps us learn and have fun!

 

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Best Learning Strategies

1. Learn from the get-go.

Don’t waste a moment of studying. Be an active learner the minute you come into contact with the material. Actively engage with the content while you read the textbook, take notes in class, and watch the videos. Participating in class also helps deep processing of the material!

2. Learn while you format study materials.

Outline the text and rewrite and highlight your notes. Attend to and connect the main concepts. Leave out illustrative details so you have only essential material (fewer pages) to memorize.

3. Set the stage to study.

Block out sufficient study time over several days using a block-scheduling download from the Internet. Prepare yourself and your study space to optimize learning. Make sure you are comfortable and fit (fed, hydrated, rested) with a positive attitude about studying. Find a comfortable, non-distracting study location. Turn off your phone and other notifications and commit to studying only, no social media or Internet surfing.

4. Engage with content, don’t kill and drill.

For a student to learn effectively, they must engage with the content and integrate it into a meaningful framework. Students often make the mistake of mindlessly rehearsing isolated facts, thinking time spent is evidence of learning. Kill and drill is a waste of time and mind-numbingly punishing. Deeply processing information is the best way to learn.

5. Create learning pathways.

Each time we encode a fact into the hippocampal area (memory center) of our brain, we create a learning pathway to that content that can later be traveled for retrieval at test time. Increasing the number of pathways to that encoded fact is the process of effective learning.

In items 2 and 3 of this list, you already paved the initial pathways! The first pathways include when you listened to the lecture, wrote notes, read the textbook, answered the teacher’s questions, and formatted study materials.

To pave additional pathways to test content, find creative ways to further engage with and elaborate on the material while you study. The more emotionally and cognitively meaningful the material is for you, the easier it will be to learn. For example, use the Internet to view the study material in a variety of vivid formats, such as illustrative maps, diagrams, pictures, speeches, or videos. Link the information to emotionally meaningful memories or associated topics. Study from a variety of locations. Form a study group and talk with others about the content.

6. Rehearse the information and practice retrieving it and applying it just like you would at test time.

If the test is multiple-choice, make up questions that would lead to memorized facts. If the test is an essay, practice outlining and writing essays on that material.

7. Study small chunks of material at a time over several days, eventually linking the chunks together.

Don’t cram at the last minute. Your brain needs time to deeply process newly learned material. It will even process when you’re not actively studying, even in your sleep! That means it’s best to learn and rehearse chunks of material over several days. By test time, the chunks will come together for easy, A+ retrieval.

 

Fostering the love of learning is the best thing we can do with our kids, that means helping them learn better and achieve a healthy balance on- and off-screen. For more learning tips, view my free video, “How to Study Effectively: Metacognition in Action.” 

I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetYourKidsInternetSafe.

Onward to More Awesome Parenting,

Tracy S. Bennett, Ph.D.
Mom, Clinical Psychologist, CSUCI Adjunct Faculty
GetKidsInternetSafe.com

Cyberbully: The New Monster in My Room

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Remember when your kids were little and scared of the monsters in their closet? You did everything you could to make them feel safe and ease their fear. Just when you thought your kids were old enough for the monsters to be gone, a new one may be lurking. This new monster is known as a cyberbully and may show up on their computer, tablet, or smartphone.

Did you know that 22% of kids between the ages of twelve and eighteen report either being a target or a perpetrator of cyberbullying (National Center for Education Statistics, 2013)? With most homes having access to the Internet and smartphones, this monster can enter without permission and disrupt teen lives 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. The effects of being harassed by one can be psychologically damaging and even deadly.

A cyberbully is a new threat for anybody who is online, even little guys who play educational games or use a search browser. A cyberbully is a person who intentionally and repeatedly harasses a person via text messages, instant messaging, social media sites, or through any form of screen contact. These types of bullies are worse than traditional schoolyard bullies, because their attacks follow someone home, making the attacks inescapable in a place that should be safe. Cyber-attacks tend to be more frequent and emotionally vicious, because the attacker is unable to see the victim’s reactions, making empathy for the victim far more difficult. The perpetrator can also remain anonymous and often communicates in packs on public social media posts to humiliate and frighten the victim.

Cyberbully attack methods:

Social networking site shaming

This type of harassment may include posting mean and untrue things or starting rumors about someone in order to humiliate or get a response. Social media posts can reach thousands of people at once and may generate large audiences that join in on the shaming or harassment.

Threatening violence or stalking

Threatening violence is used to make a person fearful wherever they go. It makes the perpetrator feel powerful. Threatening messages can be threats of bodily harm or threats of telling a secret or starting a rumor. Stalking can include sending repeated unwanted messages that can include the threats, explicit language, or inappropriate content.

Altered or explicit photo sharing

With many photo editing apps available, a cyberbully can take an innocent photo and turn it into something else to shame or embarrass their target. The photos can be used to make fun of someone or point out flaws for others to comment on (this can relate back to shaming). Once this type photo is posted and shared, it can become difficult to take down (Chisholm, 2014).

Consequences from cyberbullying:

Emotional distress

Shame, embarrassment, fear, sadness, and chronic stress resulting from cyberbullying can lead to psychological disorders such as depression and anxiety.

Isolation and loneliness

When children are being harassed online, they may withdraw from social activities and alienate themselves to avoid the harassment, causing them to miss out and feel alone.

Feeling powerless

After being harassed over and over again in their home on the computer and everywhere they go with their tablet or smartphone, children may feel like there is nothing they can do to stop it. Feeling powerless over the harassment can lead to lack of confidence and lowered self-esteem.

What can parents do?

Seek help from schools and law enforcement

With increasing awareness, schools are commonly required to add digital citizenship and etiquette to their curriculum. As a result, cyberbully rates continue to drop (National Center for Education Statistics, 2013). Although every situation is different, in more instances where cyberbullying interferes with a student’s ability to feel safe at school, administrators and/or law enforcement will take action. Even if the incident is outside of the school’s jurisdiction, academic staff may offer referrals to helpful resources.

Maintain a trusting and nurturing relationship with your child that includes filtering and monitoring

Most victims and attackers are heavy Internet users. Parents can reduce risk by setting parental controls and privacy settings on computers and Internet sites.

Avoid habitually taking away screen use when your child runs into online challenges

Impulsively taking away your child’s screens when trouble arises will seem like a punishment and may result in their withdrawal instead of coming to you for help. Instead provide supportive guidance and maintain sensible rules and regulations about online activities. Be nurturing and let them know you are there for them. The more trust they have in you, the more willing they will be to open up and talk.

Make sure they know the difference between a “target” and a “victim”

If your child has been targeted, help him/her feel empowered rather than a helpless victim. Using the word target is more likely to result in him actively seeking help and support rather than suffering in shameful silence (Nixon, C., 2014). Educate your child and teach etiquette and digital citizenship skills so your child knows what is appropriate to view and post.

Encourage social activities that are not screen related

The less time children spend online, the less likely they will become targets. Support their participation in sports, music, art, or afterschool activities. This can help with reasonable screen time limits, build confidence and self-esteem, and offer positive social support.

Make home a safe place to relax and forget about outside stress

Just like you did when they were a small child, keep the monsters out of your house and make your children feel safe at home. For more at home help keeping your family safe and connected check out the GKIS Connected Family Course. To see what programs schools are implementing to keeps our children cyberbully free, read the GKIS article, “How Schools Keep our Kids Internet Safe.”

KathleenThank you to Kathleen Gulden, CSUCI intern, for authoring this awesome GKIS article!

Onward to More Awesome Parenting,

Tracy S. Bennett, Ph.D.
Mom, Clinical Psychologist, CSUCI Adjunct Faculty
GetKidsInternetSafe.com

Works cited:

Adolescent cyberbullies and their victims may have physical, mental health problems. (2010). Mental Health Weekly Digest, 798.

Chisholm, J. (2014). Review of the status of cyberbullying and cyberbullying prevention.

Cyberpsychology: Journal of Psychosocial Research on Cyberspace, 8(4), article 6. doi: 10.5817/CP2014-4-6

Journal of Information Systems Education, 25(1), 77.

Nixon, Charisse L.“Current perspectives: the impact of cyberbullying on adolescent health.” Adolescent Health, Medicine & Therapeutics,5.default (2014): 143-58

Sabella, R. , Patchin, J. , & Hinduja, S. (2013). Cyberbullying myths and realities. Computers in Human Behavior, 29(6), 2703.

National Center for Education Statistics, 2013. https://nces.ed.gov/fastfacts/display.asp?id=719

Seiler, S. J., & Navarro, J. N. (2014). Bullying on the pixel playground: Investigating risk factors of cyberbullying at the intersection of children’s online-offline social lives. Cyberpsychology: Journal of Psychosocial Research on Cyberspace, 8(4), article 6. doi: 10.5817/CP2014-4-6

Cañon City Kids Say Sexting “Is Just Nudity!” Well Mom and Dad, Is It?

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Did you see the headlines about Cañon City, Colorado that flooded the press this weekend about a sexting scandal that involved over a hundred middle school and high school students and 300-400 nude sexting images? I honestly hate to say it, but I told you so.

I founded GetKidsInternetSafe.com because I was worried about my kids. I was hearing the secrets and seeing the sad fallout from sketchy screen use from kids in my psychology office. And I’m not just talking about a semi-nude selfie here and there. I’m talking about incidents that leave kids shattered, humiliated, and sexually assaulted. Of course not every kid using screen media will experience tragedy. But as we are seeing from this incident, there are smoking guns everywhere and parents are unable or unwilling to protect their kids adequately.

Here is the true sexting story that I released in April (which got over 17.2k FaceBook shares thanks to The Good Men Project), because I felt such urgency that somebody needed to let parents know they had a problem. Sound familiar?

I have run across a phenomenon that few parents know about, and those that do are too ashamed to tell anybody. The ugly truth is that middle school girls are trying to attract high school boys by texting them sexy images of their blossoming private parts. It’s like Tinder for Teens but worse, no app needed and fewer safety features. Just a CLICK and SEND and your child’s nude image is available to everybody everywhere forever, no take-backs. Thirty seconds of bad judgment at eleven years old launches a nightmare digital footprint and sullied online reputation. Take five seconds and imagine that. Ouch!

It’s not just the girls in jeopardy. The boys enthusiastically log in to this mess too. Some become expert at grooming the girls to send the sexy photos, which they then share with their “boyz” for quickly growing “<city name> nudes exposed!” collections. And to make things more horrifying, the boldest of the boys proudly share their name lists of the virginity prizes personally collected from girls they intentionally targeted who were too young to know any better. Fifteen minutes and these young women have exposed their vulnerabilities, their reputations, and the essence of their true potential. It’s like these teens lost their minds and logged in for an on- and off-line pimp-prostitute internship program. All that was needed was a mobile phone with texting ability and a misguided sense of sexy adventure.

How do I know this? Because I’m a psychologist and the teens I see tell me the shameful truth, all of it; the truths that trigger titillation, pride, shame, sadness, and desperation. They tell me all about how they “released their nude” when they were 12 years old in order to attract attention from the older boys. Or how they were duped into it by promises from entrepreneurial Romeos, only to find out that they’d been conned and the photo was group texted to the high school football team. There’s also the confessions from the boys that get their, “ah-ha! I was being a dirt bag” moment when their frontal lobes come online later in high school and they’re stewing in shame and regret in my office. Believe it or not, both genders are capable of being predatory on the other. I hear what most parents don’t know.

I remember the first session when I realized this was a thing. I was seeing a beautiful eighth grade girl who was starting to get it and was lamenting about her best friend who purposely “put a nude out” when she was 11 year old. At 15 years old, the friend was bizarrely proud of it being re-released via text to “everyone in the county” four years later. My client guessed it was the fourth mass texting of the image. I sat there, horrified and dumbfounded, assessing my ethical requirements to the teens involved and my community in general. As a mother, I began visualizing the creation of a blueprint for Rapunzel’s tower in our backyard for my kids, no nudity and screen-free.

So much of my young client’s disclosure made me deeply upset for everybody involved. I was saddened that children this young had already learned how to use and exploit sexuality as a cheap commodity. I was saddened that these kids broker power through contemptuous attention catamount to social media “likes.” I was saddened that there was an army of teenagers willing to receive these tragic misperceptions of self worth. And I was furious that some actively groomed their victims to build a sick collection of lost innocence with no more thought than they gave to their Pokémon collections six months earlier. Keep in mind that in many cases these releases are consensual, while in others coerced.

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I imagine you’re thinking, “What kind of amoral community does this writer live in anyway? My kids would NEVER do that!” Right? I’m sorry to tell you that I live in the same community you do. This is not an isolated phenomenon. Participants come from all types of families, families of all income levels and religions with great parents and slack parents. Short of raising your child in a stone tower, there is no family situation where your parenting supervision cannot be breached.

 

Of course there are situations where children tend to be the most vulnerable. But the temptation is there for even the most well adjusted kids. And to make things even more concerning, this pimp-prostitute culture does not always end by college age. The media is rampant with stories of fraternity houses that have private Facebook pages littered with nude photos of non-consenting women and blatant drug deals, not to mention social media and hookup dating sites flooded with sexual trolling. Like it or not, the young have their own culture of sexuality that is different from their parents.

What has led us here? Is it the unregulated Wild West atmosphere of the Internet? The moral decay of Western culture? The accumulation of sexualization and objectification of women splashed throughout popular culture over decades? Porn? Are permissive parents to blame? Unresponsive school administrators? The rapid technological developments we simply cannot keep up with? And more importantly, what will lead us out?

My CSUCI students and I discuss this often. You may be surprised how many advocate for mass regulation and filtering while I wonder about the sincerity of their self-righteousness. Because like them, I am conflicted about what makes up our “rights” for online liberties balanced with personal vulgarity and decency standards. Some of my readers argue that I’m being too conservative stressing about sexting. That teen sexuality is healthy, sexting is a “normal” expression of intimacy, and our concern is shaming and unwarranted. But I, for one, become alarmed considering that my son or daughter may face felony charges, which may result in a lifetime listing on a public sexual predators list.

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I don’t agree that this is dismissible, because it’s “normal sexual experimentation.” I understand that we are all sexual beings as soon as we leave the womb. I “get” that experimenting with intimacy is a healthy aspect of adolescence. But I cannot be persuaded that releasing nudes in middle and high school so the images can be assigned “points” and traded for titillating collections is healthy sexuality. It’s exploitation. It’s objectification. It’s child pornography. Children and teens are simply not equipped to anticipate how nude images may affect their permanent digital footprints and opportunities in the future.

If you don’t buy that, how would you feel if your child’s nude photo had been exchanged among online adult pedophilic groups or posted on revenge porn websites?

Seriously folks, it’s time we at least face the facts and start dealing directly with screen safety issues. That means taking an honest, hard look at your children’s screen use and making a sensible plan. Perhaps that means following a free blog like GetKidsInternetSafe so you’re aware of the secret collections the vault apps that look like innocent folders or calculators on your teen’s smartphone harbor. Or maybe you’re ready for some simple home staging that can reduce risk significantly, like the one I offer in my GKIS Connected Family Online Course. Or maybe it’s sex-tech education that needs to get sprinkled in family conversation every day. Most importantly, today is the day to reboot your connection with you kids and start an idiot-proof dialogue to teach them the resiliency skills they need to stay Internet safe!

Do me a favor. Scroll down and let me know what you think and what you are doing to protect your family.

I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetYourKidsInternetSafe.

Onward to More Awesome Parenting,

Tracy S. Bennett, Ph.D.
Mom, Clinical Psychologist, CSUCI Adjunct Faculty
GetKidsInternetSafe.com

 

3 Tips to Get Back on Track With Screen Safety After the Slips

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Our kids are solidly into midterms and my practice is flooded with concerned parents, bummed out kids, and grade dips. Families start out dialed in with expert organizational and parenting practices, lunch boxes packed and folders color-coded. We set screen blackout times and enforce rules and regs around social media and buddy lists. Everybody is on-board with lofty academic goals, locked in screen media agreements, and calendars ripe with ambition. But then we get busy, really busy. Homework gets shoved to the bottom of backpacks, we cave to the shortcuts of fast food after soccer practice, and screens slowly move from the family docking station to the bedroom. Grades slip, tempers flare, and Dr. Bennett’s schedule gets really busy.

AS A FALL PICK-ME-UP HERE ARE 3 AWESOME PARENTING SHORTCUTS TO GET US BACK ON TRACK

1.    Set a quick agenda for  GKIS tech talks

 and create space to deepen the parent-child connection.

To get ideas about what to talk about, simply go to GetKidsInternetSafe.com, enter your name and email address, and wait for weekly articles to arrive in your inbox. Each weekly article covers hot topics for skill-building and discussion, like cyberbullying, netiquette, digital footprints, and issues spurred by current media events. With this information you are prepped to speak with authority (and a sense of humor) about online issues. With each conversation you’ll see your connection deepening and your collaboration improving. Soon they’ll consider you their #1 GO-TO PERSON for online and offline issues. Taking the time to reboot your parent-child connection is your most powerful tool for safety and the very thing that makes us go to sleep at night without guilt and worry.

2.   Establish the GKIS family docking station as a habit 



Pick up your iPhone right now, push the button, and tell Siri to set a reminder 15 minutes after your child’s bedtime. “Remind me to check the FAMILY DOCKING STATION.” Then set it to repeat. This will ensure screens get docked with you at night before lights out. Remember, screens in the bedroom will eventually lead to inappropriate disclosures, x-rated browser searches, and sexting. Even the “good kids” are doing it so surrender your denial already. And it starts younger than you think. For a great blueprint for home staging, check out my GKIS Connected Family Online Course.

3.   Install tech tools that save you time and hassle 



I don’t know about you, but the last thing I want to do is stalk my thirteen year-olds every move on Instagram. I mean really, how many selfies with Frappuccino’s can a middle-aged mom take? Besides, my daughter is an awesome kid. I want to grant her some privacy with her friends, and I’m not particularly comfortable spying on her 24/7 online. But as an Internet safety expert and clinical psychologist, I’m acutely aware of the risks. Knowing what I know, I’m simply not willing to let her through this dangerous portal alone.

That’s where tech can help. I offer a GKIS Tech Playbook in my 30-Days to Internet Safety Course. With this step-by-step blueprint, I suggest several apps and software programs that help parents fill screen media risk gaps.

One of my favorites is VISR. Their website says, “VISR is a simple, effective and kid-friendly tool notifying parents when relevant safety issues such as bullying, risky geotagging, and unusual times of use are detected across social networks.” When the creator and CEO Robert Reichmann contacted me through GKIS, we had a long discussion about our concerns and parenting perspectives regarding screen safety. And I’m happy to say that we became fast friends.

Robert and I both believe that kids must be monitored with social media use in order to achieve safety. But we also hold the parent-child connection as the highest priority. In order to protect that connection, we think being open and honest with our kids about our parenting choices is critical to maintaining trust. Because I agreed with Robert’s philosophies, I agreed to try out VISR with my family.

Now keep in mind that VISR isn’t the only tech tool we use. But I’m so happy to say it is among my top favorites. VISR only alerts me if their computer algorithm picks up something of concern from my teen’s Instagram use. I’m alerted to issues within 22 categories that include violence, explicit content, drugs, or late night usage. I honestly love it. 

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I’m pleased to report that VISR’s notifications haven’t uncovered dangerous content for my child. However, it did catch some after-hours usage and has inspired countless conversations including a recent one about a peer who regularly posts inappropriate content. I didn’t step in and make a decision for my daughter about whether to remain that kid’s friend, but I have challenged her to think about some issues in a way that has made our alliance stronger. She accepts my influence while still maintaining her independence. This is the secret to a strong connection and expert skill building. Ultimately I love the idea that I facilitate her in making the safest choices rather than helicoptering her into sneaking and resentment.

I know this sounds like an ad for VISR, but here’s the truth of the matter. Because Robert and I believe in each other’s programs, he offered a deal for GKISsers when they sign up for VISR! Just enter “GKIS” as the coupon code. Although VISR is currently free, GKIS users are guaranteed three months free if and when VISR charges for the service. And because I love VISR so much, I asked Robert if I could write a blog about it to spread the word to informed parents. Currently they cover YouTube, Instagram, Gmail, Facebook, Twitter, and KidsEmail. 

With services like GetKidsInternetSafe and VISR in your corner, you will be informed, confident, and more successful maintaining screen safety in your home.

I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetYourKidsInternetSafe.

Onward to More Awesome Parenting,

Tracy S. Bennett, Ph.D.
Mom, Clinical Psychologist, CSUCI Adjunct Faculty
GetKidsInternetSafe

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