Were you the kid with a mohawk in the 70s or pegged pants in the 80s? Maybe you were goth, a skater, or straight-edge. Teens of every era love to experiment with creative expression and explore new philosophical ideas. The internet offers boundless opportunities to follow cool influencers andchat with like-minded others in online forums. Visiting random virtual neighborhoods can be mind-expanding and fun, but it can also be dangerous. Today’s GKIS article explores the world of online counterculture. Being in-the-know is a critical element to great parenting in the digital age.
New Age Counterculture
As adolescents begin to form their unique adult identity, they look to their peer community for ideas for current, creative interests, how they want to come across, and what they want to look like. Especially attractive to teens is anything that their parents ARE NOT. Trends that are new, fresh, and totally different from parents or social norms are aptly named counterculture.[1]
The concept of countercultures isn’t new. From the anarchists in ancient Greece to the punks of the 1970s, countercultures have always influenced trends and fashion. Because kids today form multiple identities in their real world and in various virtual worlds, they love to explore constantly-evolving countercultures.
Fun Curated Online Platforms
These days, online influencers define counterculture for kids and teens. Sometimes that results in harmless fun. Other times, influencers post sexualized and edgy content designed to shock and titillate, engaging their audience in active discussions and
sharing.
To help you become familiar with counterculture online content, we’ve selected some content creators for you to check out and explore. Please keep in mind that because we don’t monitor these sites, we can’t vouch for their choices or the choices of their followers. Only you can best decide what makes sense for your family.
Kathryn Loo, Youtube username@hellobatty, posts videos about crafts, outfits, vlogs, and more. Her gothic Lolita style and love for all things Halloween inspires her viewers to embrace their interests and gives viewers ideas on how to get creative in her own spooky aesthetic.
Alex Weaver, Instagram username@thegothicalice, posts artwork, fashion, and for-sale creations in her goth/punk style. She frequently posts about books she’s interested in, artistic projects she’s working on, and creative outfits she puts together.
Aurel Nelson, Instagram username @phonyghost,is a skilled costume creator who makes amazing images of her cosplays (meaning dressing up and portraying a specific character). Some of her costumes include superheroes. She frequently collaborates with other costume makers to make a spin-off of our favorite Disney princesses as punk rock girls.
Tae-Seon Hall, Tik Tok username@tae.seonrise,posts videos on funny reactions to how her style is perceived by the public, videos of her cat, and quick makeup looks.
Mary Rose, Blog @TheEveryday Goth, creates fun posts relating to counterculture events, fun reads, fashion posts, and references to goth classics such as The Addams Family. She also links goth themed stores and songs she loves.
Pros to Trendy Counterculture Sites
Opportunities to meet and interact with like-minded fans
Exposure to creative ideas and unique ideas that may not be reflected in your community
Encourage your child to develop independent thinking
Help to build self-confidence
Their participation reflects that your child knows your home is a safe place for expression and communication
Cons to Trendy Counterculture Sites
Unregulated, unmonitored messaging boards
Exposure to inappropriate content like sexuality, vulgarity, and cyberbullying
Exposure to hate groups, radicalization, fake news, and conspiracy theories
Conversations of that may encourage serious mental health-related behaviors like depression, anxiety, eating disorders, self-harm, and suicide
Pop up ads and marketing
Tips to Navigating Counterculture Sites
Dr. B offers the following tips to protect your child from inappropriate counterculture sites
Tell your child you’ll be monitoring their online activity and explain why you think that is important.
Have an ongoing, fun, cooperative dialogue to stay current with their interests, challenge their ideas, and teach family values.
Monitor sites your child is interested in by creating a bookmark and following the creators. Be alert for subtle messaging and links to other sites and music.
Insist on having your child’s login credentials to their devices
Review browser searches
Do not save your credit card information on sites you share with your child.
GKIS Parenting & Safety Tools
If you feel overwhelmed when it comes to keeping your kids safe online, we got you covered. Our GKISScreen Safety Toolkit offers tried-and-true tech tools to help with filtering, monitoring, and managing your child’s screen activities. We also share links to apps and social media safety guides for platforms popularly used by influencers. This parenting step is what Dr. B calls protectionism in her bookScreen Time in the Mean Time, an important part of parenting in the digital age.
If you’d love a more comprehensive parenting course to help understand not only how to manage your child’s media, but how to optimize creativity and learning potential, check out our GKIS Connected Family Course. Dr. Tracy Bennett, can even personally guide you through this process during a personalizedworkshop orin-person coaching. Our GKIS CEO is passionate about assisting families with these confusing moments and is available to you at a click of a button. Coaching is an efficient, cost-efficient alternative to in-person psychotherapy. Prevention is always better than treatment.
The Overall Verdict?
The GKIS mission is to help families achieve screen sanity, prevent digital injury, and form deeper, more meaningful relationships. That includes joining them where they’re at in experimenting with identity formation. Just like punk in the 1970s and new wave in the 1980s, online counterculture helps today’s kids discover all that this crazy world has to offer.
Special thanks to Aroni Garcia for researching and co-writing this article. If you want to learn more about the mentioned social media platforms of the GKIS approved counterculture influencers, check out the GKIS parents sensible guides to Instagram and Tik Tok.
[1] CrashCourse. (2017). Cultures, Subcultures, and Countercultures: Crash Course Sociology #11. Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RV50AV7-Iwc&feature=emb_title
[2]Daschuk, M. (2010). Messageboard Confessional: Online Discourse and the Production of the “Emo Kid”. Berkeley Journal of Sociology,54, 84-107. Retrieved February 6, 2020, from www.jstor.org/stable/40999937
[3] Hawkes, N. (2015). Young goths may be more vulnerable to depression and self-harm, study finds. BMJ: British Medical Journal,351. Retrieved January 31, 2020, from www.jstor.org/stable/26521636
We at GetKidsInternetSafe love fun, educational, and safe screen time. But even better than that? We love creative offscreen play activities that help family members get to know and bond with each other, teach initiative and problem solving, and make forever memories. Sometimes great ideas are hard to dream up on-the-run with busy families. Enjoy these fun at-home indoors or outdoors activities that we at GKIS are sure your kids will love!
Indoor Fun
Let Your Kid be the Media Star
Record your kid as their favorite video star doing fun activities
Create an old movie recorder from cardboard boxes and black paint, don’t forget the director’s board so you or your kids get to yell “cut!”
If your kids like do it yourself videos, set up a station and let them surprise you with the results
If your child wants to be a movie star, let their imagination run wild and have them do small skits of their favorite scenes
Share videos with friends and family and have them comment and let them “like” the videos as fans
Don’t forget to follow up on their roles and nominate them in their own awards show for a later idea.
A thank you speech from your kid is highly encouraged
Up-Cycle Old Games
Give your old board games new meaning by breaking them apart and making a new game
Create cards with inside jokes that only friends and family will know
Use a Jenga game and tape truth or dares to pull out for twice the amount of fun
Create fun Loteria cards! Customize cards to make up members of your family such as the overprotective father or the daughter who says “like” in every sentence
Update trivia games and have your kids teach you a thing or two about new pop culture words and celebrities
Need Inspiration? A blogpost by Claire Harmeyer demonstrates how games are currently being reused with an old Guess Who game!
At Home Art Gallery
Let your child show their artistic creativity in a variety of ways by hosting an art gallery!
Remember that there are various forms of creating art, encourage them to complete at least three different “sections” to their gallery which may include the following:
The painting room
Play-dough or moon sand sculptures room
Origami room
The Barbie fashion showcase room
Photography room
The popsicle architecture room
Live art with temporary tattoos or a henna kit
Food art room
As the art critique, give reassuring feedback to encourage their creativity
Home Lab
Have your kids play mad scientist with some of these fun science creations
Follow scientist Joe and create a storm in a glass.
You’ll need: shaving cream, large glass, water food coloring, and a spoon
Help your kids create a baking soda volcano by following Science Bob’s easy steps
Something to put the liquids in, baking soda, liquid dish soap, food coloring, water, vinegar
Createa tornado in a bottle by looking at the young Youtuber Ryan lay out the steps with his dad
You’ll need: 2-liter soda bottles (same shape), duct tape or connector, water, lamp oil (any color)
You’ll need: Stones, a pencil, and a piece of clay
Outdoor Fun
Backyard Scavenger Hunt
Set up an imaginary scenario that will fit your child’s interests whether that be finding a treasure chest to a vial that will cure the zombie apocalypse
Entice your child: add something of interest to their treasure
Set up a list of instructions that may include:
Riddles
Math problems
Guessing an image outline
Word association games
DIY puzzles
Connect the dots images
Phone a Friend! (have them call a loved one for their next clue)
Create steps such as stacking stones or doing cartwheels to unlock the next set of instructions
If you’d like to play along, act as a helping hand and create a character that will help them
Balcony Garden
For those in apartments, set up a small garden for your child if you have a balcony available.
Be sure everything is easily accessible so that there is no need for leaning or climbing on the railing
Consider easy to maintain plants such as succulents
Customize pots with markers/paint or give them name tags to personalize
Make paper insects like butterflies and prop them into the plants for decoration
Use stick skewers for food or popsicle sticks to glue to your paper insects and stick them into the edge of the pots
Color skewers green to act as plant stems
Set up Christmas lights around the balcony so your child can admire their plant friends at night
Home Triathlon
Set up a backyard triathlon using whatever sports equipment you have or can make.
The idea is to do each obstacle non-stop until they reach the finish line
Get creative and work with what you have!
Ideas for challenges include:
Pitch up a tarp/sheet and have your kid’s army crawl under
Draw a challenging hopscotch segment
Set a designated amount of hula hoops swirls
Have two volunteers be ready with a double dutch jump rope obstacle
How low can you limbo station
Basketball into a hoop
Making a soccer ball into a goal that’s
guarded
Jumping jacks
Backward walking
Set up a finish line using items such as ribbon or even tied up rags
Outside Movie Nights
Pull up some chairs, snacks, and whatever else you’ll need to be comfortable
If you have a projector get a flat white surface to hang to a wall
If you’re trying this on a balcony, prop the backdrop on the sliding door
No projector? No worries, this idea will work fine with a device that’s big enough for you and your kids to see
Watch your favorite films under the night sky
Or make your own movie story
Grab a flashlight and have the family show their storytelling skills.
Give the group a movie genre they can work with
In a bowl you can add random folded words they will need to incorporate into their story
Set a timer that works for everyone
Deem the new storytelling king or queen of the night
The newest king or queen will get to be the judge for the next game
Added bonus! Stargazing till your kids are pooped and ready for bed
Wrap-up: These stars have a story, share a one constellation story and have them excited for the next one
Special thanks to Aroni Garcia for researching and co-writing this article. If you liked these fun tips and want to stay updated on new fun ways to keep your kids entertained follow GKIS on social media! Follow our @GetKidsInternetSafe Instagram and Facebook pages and @drtracybennett Twitter for our latest posts! And, as always, thanks for sharing us with friends and family. Cheers to happy memory making!
I just finished a webinar I offered for moms to support them during our stay-at-home order. In the audience, we had a mom who was seven-months pregnant with a three-year-old as well as moms with school-age kids and teens. During these challenging times, all have unique situations. Some of us are working full-time and struggling to find a free moment, while others are bored and working to find fun and purpose. Some of our kids are best friends, while others can’t seem to get along ever. Some kids are jetting through easy schoolwork while others can’t seem to get anything done. How are you doing? Are you making amazing memories with your time together or struggling to make things happen? Today’s article is about recognizing that the love is in the daily details, but it may take some special effort to notice.
“Seeing” by Annie Dillard from Pilgrim at Tinker Creek (Harper Perennial 1974)
When I was six or seven years old, growing up in Pittsburgh, I used to take a precious penny of my own and hide it for someone else to find. It was a curious compulsion; sadly, I’ve never been seized by it since. For some reason, I always “hid” the penny along the same stretch of sidewalk up the street. I would cradle it at the roots of a sycamore, say, or in a hole left by a chipped-off piece of sidewalk. Then I would take a piece of chalk, and, starting at either end of the block, draw huge arrows leading up to the penny from both directions. After I learned to write I labeled the arrows: SURPRISE AHEAD or MONEY THIS WAY. I was greatly excited, during all this arrow-drawing, at the thought of the first lucky passer-by who would receive in this way, regardless of merit, a free gift from the universe. But I never lurked about. I would go straight home and not give the matter another thought, until, some months later, I would be gripped again by the impulse to hide another penny.
It is still the first week in January, and I’ve got great plans. I’ve been thinking about seeing. There are lots of things to see, unwrapped gifts and free surprises. The world is fairly studded and
strewn with pennies cast broadside from a generous hand. But—and this is the point—who gets excited by a mere penny? If you follow one arrow if you crouch motionless on a bank to watch a tremulous ripple thrill on the water and are rewarded by the sight of a muskrat kid paddling from its den, will you count that sight a chip of copper only, and go your rueful way? It is dire poverty indeed when a man is so malnourished and fatigued that he won’t stoop to pick up a penny. But if you cultivate a healthy poverty and simplicity so that finding a penny will literally make your day, then, since the world is in fact planted in pennies, you have with your poverty bought a lifetime of days. It is that simple. What you see is what you get.
I love this passage because it captures so much about childhood joy. Like the puppy-dog-tails and sugar-and-spice nursery rhyme, childhood joy is a magic blending of anticipation, preparation, and imagination. Children build their magic worlds by keeping their eyes open for real-world discovery. And when they find something new and delightful, they turn to those around them to share in their excitement. For young children, this is a ladybug on a blade of grass; and for older kids, this is a giggling walk with friends to get ice cream. Parents can be a part of this magical discovery, or they can be washing dishes. It’s really up to us to be present.
But here’s the thing, we don’t have to entertain our kids 24/7. Contrary to popular parenting lore, our job is not to make our prodigy happy all of the time. Our job is to offer a safe and enriching place in love and guidance, helping them build resiliency skills so they can feel their worth and practice their capabilities. Sometimes that means we are by their sides, and sometimes that means we offer a crafted setting of endless possibilities.
To teach them how to recognize those endless possibilities, we first have to create the framework for meaningful magic and create the lens for them to see through. And I’m telling you now, memory-making family events don’t have to take place in a faraway destination or during a $5000 planned vacation. Magical, meaningful moments worthy of memories don’t cost dollars….they cost pennies. They’re like shiny pennies cradled in the roots of a Sycamore or left by a chipped-off piece of sidewalk. They are gathered in tiny moments of discovery and shared joy. To find them, we just have to have our eyes, and our hearts, open.
VIRTUAL SUPPORTIVE ACTIVITY IDEAS
Take a virtual travel vacation.
Create a passport for the virtual trips you will take.
Research the things to do once you get there.
Visit those places on Google Earth.
After the trip your child can draw a picture of something from the trip as a passport stamp.
Create a collage of the virtual places you visit.
Create family businesses and then end with a trade show.
Decide on your idea and write a mission statement.
Design your logo (fun ideas are to look on https://www.fiverr.com/ or https://99designs.com where people hire logo designers online). Pick your brand colors (https://coolors.co is a fun site for that)
Pick free stock images for your site or take them on your own (we love https://unsplash.com)
Create a budget
Source and buy materials for your product
Manufacture your product
Create flyers and business cards
Design and film a TV commercial (don’t forget to hire your celebrities and learn your marketing)
Create a sales convention where you each have a sales table where you hawk your wares (you can take turns as founders and customers or recruit family members and friends as customers)
Find brand partners
Create your store
Have a trade show where you buy each other’s wares and services with a budget and fake money you set up ahead of time.
Set up a restaurant in your home.
Plan the menu
Prepare the food
Dress up like chefs and waiters
Serve your family guests just as they’d be served in a restaurant (menu, orders, bill payment).
For more ideas to create fun family fun, follow our daily #TogetherAtHome idea posts on the GetKidsIternetSafe Instagram page! To help you out during challenging times, here is a list of linked resources to help you make magic family memory moments while you’re #TogetherAtHome.
ARTS AND CRAFTS
Easy Peasy and Fun
From their website: “Ready for a fantastic crafting session with your kids or students? We have a ton of engaging art and craft for kids to make and you’ll find ideas for all ages and for all occasions.”
From their website: “If you’re looking for easy and fun craft ideas for kids – you’ve definitely come to the right place! We’ve included our best and most popular crafts for kids on this page for you. Kids will love making these simple crafts – and the best part is the preparation for you will always be easy too!”
From their website: “Kidspace may be temporarily closed, but curiosity never ceases. Keep the learning going at home with Kidspace curated programming and resources developed to spark connection, creativity, laughter, and inspiration. Join the Kidspace-At-Home journey bringing hands-on joyful learning experiences to families every day. Scroll to the bottom to learn how you can help support our efforts and keep Kidspace strong!”
From their website: “An award-winning audio show for kids and families. Each week, a different kid co-host joins Molly Bloom to find answers to fascinating questions about the world. Our mission is to encourage kids’ natural curiosity and wonder using science and history…but there’s no age limit on curiosity, and episodes of Brains On can be enjoyed by anyone.”
From their website: “But Why is a show led by you, kids! You ask the questions and we find the answers. It’s a big interesting world out there. On But Why, we tackle topics large and small, about nature, words, even the end of the world. Have a question? Send it to us!”
From their website: “Goodnight With Dolly” will feature Dolly Parton reading a series of Imagination Library books all carefully chosen for their appropriate content at this moment in time.”
From their website: “Looking eBooks for your kids? We have the best collection of free animated eBooks will undoubtedly stimulate your child’s mind, studies and learning pattern. Find these very interesting carefully made free eBooks for kids. These online eBooks touch various subjects and promise to make your child’s learning experience richer. Read and download your favorite eBooks for free.”
From their website: “Full online curriculum ages 2-8. 10 levels. More than 850 Lessons Across 10 Levels. The Step-by-Step Learning Path presents the full ABCmouse.com curriculum in a carefully designed program of more than 850 lessons in ten levels. As your child completes each lesson, he or she is guided to the next one and is motivated to continue learning by ABCmouse.com‘s Tickets and Rewards System.”
From their web site: “The Aquarium of the Pacific is currently closed. During this time, we will be offering a variety of live and on-demand programming for our community..”
From their website: “The Exploratorium isn’t just a museum; it’s an ongoing exploration of science, art, and human perception. Explore our vast collection of online experiences to feed your curiosity and education resources supporting online teaching and learning.”
From their website: “Bring the Zoo to You. During our closure, we’ll continue to share cool views of the Zoo, our animal residents, and our dedicated keepers to keep you informed, engaged, and connected while social distancing.”
From their website: “MOCA Education makes education more collaborative, inclusive, and learner-centered, and nurtures intellectual growth through transformative experiences with contemporary art. Join our team of MOCA educators as they lead different family-friendly activities through interactive workshops, virtual Talking Tours, and classroom curriculum discussions. It is fun for all and particularly helpful for homeschooling!”
Live storytime events aimed at providing children with emotional support tools to help them cope with anxiety and stress in an entertaining, engaging way. In the first installment, Leah Bowen reads A Feel Better Book for Little Worriers, co-authored with Holly Brochmann, to help children identify a worry and where it might come from, as well as provide them with helpful tools to reduce and cope with worries.
We are all under one of a variety of different directives due to COVID-19. The news is full of videos of people wearing masks and gloves and others panic buying at grocery stores. At a time when we need our wits about us, we feel overwhelmed and anxious. Our fight, flight, freeze, or fold responses are on hair-trigger standby. We are all freaked out and definitely all in this together.
That’s where psychology comes in. Our anxiety is guiding the ship and clogging the pipes when it comes to concentration and problem-solving. How we respond to this threat will make all the difference for how we feel for the next coming weeks.
For today’s GKIS article, I’m going to focus on YOU, helping you recognize where you’re at in regard to mental health and how to bring yourself down a notch. After all, the people around you are syncing with your heart rate and mood. If you are calm, they too will settle in better for the long stay-at-home haul. So let’s start with how you’re feeling right now . . .
If you’re like me and trying hard to keep busy, you may notice that intrusive, unwanted anxieties pierce your veil of concentration more often than you’re comfortable with. Maybe you are panic browsing the Internet or watching television for the most accurate and up-to-date news. Or you’re hitting the overstressed grocery stores to make sure you have two weeks’ worth of food just in case. Maybe you’re feeling irritable and angry and tempted to blame the politicians for underreacting or overreacting or annoyed with panic shoppers who once again bought up the last roll of toilet paper. Or maybe you’re pulling fighting kids apart and trying to figure out how to keep them busy so they’re not climbing the walls. However you’re coping, please know that a variety of stress responses are expected right now. Although uncomfortable, anxiety about COVID-19 is “normal” and “healthy.” Those feelings alert us that something new is underfoot, and it’s the right time to peek your head up from normal daily activities to make sure you’re equipped for whatever is coming your way.
Of course, not all responses are staying in the healthy coping category. Red flags that your moods or anxiety may be tipping into the “impaired” category include reduced or increased appetite, trouble sleeping, panic attacks, or excessive use of addictive substances to numb out like carbs, sugar, tobacco, alcohol, and marijuana.
Whether you’re a little bit anxious or a lotta bit anxious, here are some wellness and coping tips to help you through the COVID-19 crisis:
Wake up with an intention for independent psychological health.
That means facing the problems of the day with your thinking brain rather than your crisis-driven nervous system. My favorite tool for keeping my psychological stability is the 6-second exhale. Simply said, that means filling your belly with a deep cleansing breath and breathing out for 6 seconds. Repeat several more times with an easy breath and always a 6-second exhale. For extra calmness, imagine gathering up your stress with each breath and releasing it into the sky with each exhale.
Create best-coping language.
I’ve been speaking to a lot of clients this week about stress and fear. Rather than focusing on how scary and difficult things are right now, I focus on the language of empowerment. That means reminding people about how their safety measures are putting some control into their hands. Focusing on choice, smarts, strength, and love gets us into a far better place than focusing on vulnerability or fear.
Protect yourself from information overload.
Limit news to once in the morning and once in the evening and avoid constant COVID chatter amongst colleagues, friends, and family. A check-in is important but then change the subject. Endless conjecture about the what-ifs moves you too far away from empowerment.
Balance on-screen activities with off-screen activities.
Our brains need a variety of activities to stay healthy. To do this, stage your home for success. GKIS offers two great tools to help with this. First, use our GKIS Screen Safety Toolkit Course to implement tech tools that filter and manage technology. Second, implement out free digital contract (Connected Family Agreement) to avoid an exhausting and damaging habit of asking > pleading > yelling > threatening > fighting with your kids. A negotiated agreement saves you from all of that. Third, create a block schedule with balanced activities in the work and play categories. Following a routine helps. And finally, if you need help getting your kids to get creative with healthy activities on- and off-screen without the fight, implement our Connected Family Course.
Schedule opportunities for connection.
Schedule a morning digital coffee hour with a chosen group of friends and family. Ask people to join you for a walk or a hike. Reach out to friends, family, and neighbors who may need help with grocery delivery or animal care. Schedule an evening digital happy hour with a chosen group of friends and family. Game night!
Remember, this is temporary, and we will get through it.
Stay in the moment and recognize this is a temporary time, not a permanent one. That will help you distance from the current fear and shelf your anxieties while you focus on other things throughout the day.
Exercise your mind with productive, creative activities.
Touch the earth. Dig into projects you’ve been putting off, whether it’s digitizing your photos, making sense of the DNA genealogy test you got for Christmas, or mending fences (literally and figuratively). Journal your feelings once a day with words or art. Feed your brain something delicious, like that novel you’ve been dying to get to or that craft or building project that sounded so fun (jewelry making, an owl box, trivets out of corks – whatever, Pintrest is your friend).
Exercise your body with nurturing, health-promoting activities.
Take a run. Incorporate meditative and yoga practice (we love the free NIKE Training app for all things fitness).
Sleep well.
Practice good sleep hygiene practices like setting your room up to be cozy for all the senses, avoiding caffeine and alcohol, and practicing imagery to set yourself up for good dreams. (We love the apps Headspace or Calm for meditative and mindfulness practice).
Most of all, lower your expectations of yourself and others. Perfection is not the goal right now. Instead, set an intention to be good to yourself. Intentions allow you the slips without guilt and approximations for perfection without shame. It simply means that you commit to going in the direction of self-compassion right now and a lot of love and togetherness.
I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetKidsInternetSafe.
More information and resources for managing anxiety and stress:
If you need some TLC and some real coping skills from an experienced clinical psychologist, schedule a telepsychology session with me at DrTracyBennett.com
If you’d like some great ideas about how to positively parent during this overwhelming time, schedule a coaching session with me at GetKidsInternetSafe.com.
NAMI (National Alliance for the mentally ill) is offering a “warmline,” a confidential, noncrisis emotional support telephone hotline staffed by peer volunteers who are in recovery at 800-950-NAMI (6264) and has a great list of COVID-19 (CORONAVIRUS) INFORMATION AND RESOURCES
For more information about stress and coping check out these articles:
If you’re on Facebook or other socials media apps, you’ve seen digital combat between friends and relatives over politics. Maybe you’ve even strained or lost relationships due to passionate posts and comments. Your beloved Uncle Benny who amused you when he got too loud at family barbeques is now in the enemy camp. Your cousin Christine seems to live on an entirely different planet from you. We all seem to read different sets of news. And this collection of different world views will be sitting around the Thanksgiving table soon. How are you going to manage?
DEFLECT
Before you hang out with your relatives, identify something you have in common that is drama-free. Maybe you both like podcasts or mystery novels or Game of Thrones. Do your homework and write down a few topics you can bring up to get an agreeable conversation going in place of a contentious one.
SET INTENTION
Before you walk into the potential war room, commit that you will not engage no matter what the provocation. Remember that the holiday is intended to strengthen family relationships rather than test them. Stay true to course.
EXHALE
Best coping techniques are in order whenever you are walking into a potential trigger. My two top favorites are a cleansing breath into the stomach with a 6-second exhale and a time out. Avoid holding your breath or breathing from the chest. Also, remember that you can always walk out of the room for a bathroom break or a walk around the block. Excusing yourself from the room is always an option.
GAMETIZE
If Uncle Benny loves to win, create a challenge for conversational self-restraint with prizes. Set up a penny jar and collect $5 to $10 from each adult player. Everybody is a referee. Each time somebody mentions “Trump,” “President,” “Impeach,” “Climate Change,” or any other trigger word, they lose a penny. At the end of the day, most-pennies gets the biggest prize. Last-to-lose-penny gets a prize. First-to-lose-penny gets a prize. Putting names in a hat for a booby prize is also fun.
DISTRACTION
Plan some fun activities so everybody isn’t sitting around bored and ready to tangle. Create a Wiffle ball game. Challenge your nephew to Uno. Buy the Left Center Right Dice Game from Amazon for only $6.99. It’s a fun group game and inexpensive enough to send home as a prize. We love a long game of Mexican Train in our family.
UNPLUG
GetKidsInternetSafe follows the research about how screen time can interfere with relationships and overall well-being. When the generations come together, digital natives stick their noses in the screen and digital resistants rant about the good old days. Then the digital immigrants get blamed for bad parenting. It can get ugly. Save yourself some headache by establishing doable unplug rules, allowing some well-deserved screen time and putting a basket on the table for screen-free discussions and meals. Also, read a few of our GKIS blog articles to prep yourself for interesting, informed discussions. I particularly recommend teaching the room about online dark patterns (I didn’t know about those until I read my intern’s research), and figure out how to become a meme lord so you’re armed with some funny memes to share a laugh or two. A little bit of prep with planned words of support for the kids may curb criticism.
Finally, fill your heart with gratitude for feisty family opportunities, delicious food, and togetherness. One day Uncle Benny will no longer be with us, and Cousin Christine will create different holiday traditions with her in-laws. Today family togetherness has real meaning. Soak it in. My interns and I at GetKidsInternetSafe thank you for your ongoing support and personal emails and comments sharing your wild family scenarios. We love you and wish you happiness this blustery holiday season.
I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetKidsInternetSafe.
Now that I’m an “older” working mom, I love to share offline and online organization hacks and efficiency grabs that have saved me through the years. These organizational techniques were the difference between frazzled and peaceful at our house. With the overtasked lives we lead, most of us are guilty of brain fades and frantic searches while yelling and scolding overwhelmed kids. Even if you set up only one or two of these ideas, it may be the difference between fun family mornings versus a school day launched with tears and resentment.
Unclutter study spaces by setting up customized, distraction-free workspaces in niches and corners for each kid.
Kids in my practice often complain that the kitchen table is too distracting to get homework done quickly and neatly. The psychological research agrees. Studies reveal that fractured attention leads to irritability, wasted time, and poor grades. To optimize learning, set up a quiet corner office for each child. All it takes is a willingness and clever organization ideas and fresh accessories. Check out my GKIS Connected Family Online Course for a detailed blueprint for creating award-winning maker spaces with awesome Pinterest DIY ideas. A customized works station is a compelling magnet to get your kids creating in 3-dimensional space as a complement to screen learning. Ergonomic, body-healthy setups in the place of slouching on beds and couches avoid repetitive stress injuries to the neck, back, wrists, and hands.
Avoid missed soccer practices and study deadlines by setting up a digital family calendar.
Family schedules are chaos! Streamline communication and scheduling by color-coding child activities and setting up Family Share on Apple’s Family Calendar, Google’s Calendar, or Microsoft’s Outlook. Each member can share calendared activities and set up automatic reminders. Shared organization at a glance!
Just as you throw out old clothes your kids have grown out of, it’s also important to declutter digital spaces.
Schedule a fresh-start fall family meeting where everybody gathers with their mobile screen devices to trash apps and games they have grown out of.
Revisit (or grab) your free GKIS Connected Family Screen Agreement at GetKidsInternetSafe.com. This will help you set sensible rules like a digital curfew and create screen-free zones – including bedrooms and bathrooms.
Finally, teach cybersecurity measures from my Cybersecurity Red Flags Supplement. New this fall, you and your family members can tweak bad habits so don’t fall victim to bad actors online.
Cleanse social media profiles with an eye toward future reputation.
If your tween or teen is on social media already, you know the time-suck risks during school time. Help them sort out the necessary from the unnecessary by helping them avoid the bio-hack elements designed to capture their attention.
Consider limiting teens to only one or two social media apps to decrease wasted time due to mindless browsing and compulsive checking.
Insist that apps with visual notifications be on the second swipe screen on smartphones. That way they won’t get distracted by little red notifications and, instead, can batch their check-in times as research suggests is best.
And finally, delete old posted photos and unnecessary personal information from social media history. Sharing real-time with friends on a private profile is fun, but do you really want somebody lurking through your past photo-by-photo? Point out that other parents, relatives, teachers, coaches, future employers, and even college app administrators may be forming impressions based on your digital footprint. So instead of having an online resume populated by off-color jokes and sexualized photos, create a flattering stream of artistic works, philanthropic activities, sports activities, and fun friend and family time. A progressive, balanced, healthy life looks beautiful online – and may help you get a college placement or dream job instead of hinder it!
Reboot your Screen Safety Toolkit.
Each developmental stage offers unique online safety challenges. For example, little kids are best accommodated in a walled digital garden like YouTube Kids, and older kids need a little more digital space to explore and create. To parent well in the digital age, you need specially-selected free and third-party software tools to help you filter and block inappropriate content, set time-limits, monitor online activity use, remotely pause or offer rewards, and even locate and track the driving activities of your teen. If you get overwhelmed or need help figuring it all out, check out my GKIS Screen Safety Toolkit for tips, product recommendations, links to ISP and social media app safety guides, and free digital learning tools for best academic performance.
There you have it! Five quick and easy parenting hacks that will launch the school year with fun and success. Just as I recommend shoes live by the front door so you are not always searching, digital folders and organization tools will keep you dialed-in in your virtual life. Most importantly, set a peaceful intention with a six-second exhale for positivity and fun each morning before you enter the family’s living space. Parents must actively define the heart of the home. If we start the morning with a smile and warmth, our kids emotionally synch and return the joy. Soak in every chaotic and blissful moment!
I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetKidsInternetSafe.
Also, if you are a local Southern Californian and need a little TLC to get started on your screen safety/fun parenting plan, join me for a morning of pampering and friendship.
