Has your child been manipulated and exploited online? Influencing people to send nudes is an example of sexual coercion, and it happens more than you think.[1] A survey found that 36% of participants reported experiencing digital sexual coercion.[2] And too often, it happens to young teens. Statistics say one in 33 kids is approached online, but many don’t report it.[3] Too often when kids come forward, they lose their screen privileges as a result. This punishes kids for seeking help, so they learn to keep scary online problems to themselves. This is my story of being the victim of digital sexual coercion when I was only 13 years old.
He was 17, I was 13
When I was in seventh grade, my PE class overlapped with eleven graders, and that’s where I met Dale. Dale was 17 and new at our school. I was 13, friendly, outgoing, and happy to introduce myself. Dale added me on Facebook, and we began to get close. My mom didn’t even know I had Facebook because I hid it. But honestly, if she had a resource like the GKIS Screen Safety Essentials Course, I wouldn’t have been able to hide it from her. I could have skipped this whole trauma. Nothing like GKIS was around back then. I was a sitting duck.
How We Got Close
Within two weeks, Dale and I were Skyping for hours every night. It was awesome. He’d say things like, “You’re so mature for your age,” “You look a lot older than you are,” and “I wish you were older so we could hang out in public.” He made me feel desired and special. Now I know that using flattery to manipulate younger kids makes them more vulnerable to coercion.[4] But then, Dale hyping me up so much gave me a big head. I felt like I was older, more sophisticated, and smarter than kids my age. I loved the attention. I already felt like a little adult.
Over the next few months, we grew closer and closer and started making plans to hang out. He wanted to meet at a “secret” spot across the street from our school. It was at an outdoor bench in a parking lot surrounded by trees which hid us from the view. He made sure we met at different times so we couldn’t get caught. I felt like he was ashamed to be seen with me, and it hurt my feelings so much. During these hang-outs, I discovered what first and second base were. We even talked about what it would be like to have sex. It was exciting for me.
How It Took a Turn for the Worst
Eventually, Dale coached me on how to pose for provocative pictures and convinced me to email them to him. He promised not to show the pictures to anyone and even sent me some of his own. I thought it was safe because he cared about me, and we loved each other.
Unfortunately, it wasn’t long until I found out that he showed my pictures to the boys in my class because they teased me about the colors they saw me wearing in the pictures. It was absolutely horrifying! I was embarrassed. I felt betrayed. I was so sad and angry. I didn’t know what to do, so I just denied it and worked hard to keep my composure. One guy bullied me about it the whole rest of the year. It never got easy.
I was afraid to lose our relationship, so I did not make it a big deal. But I did ask him not to show the photos to anyone ever again. Some of his friends cautioned him, recognizing the age difference. Most of them were nice to me. They acted like they knew I was a little girl with an almost-man. I think some of them felt sorry for me. That was his wake-up call to how wrong it was to be with me.
When I started to feel him pulling away, I sent more pictures to earn his attention. I was completely attached and “in love.” Inevitably, he broke up with me because he was turning 18 soon and did not want to catch a case. I was shattered. I felt unworthy, unwanted, less-than, and like I was not enough. To make matters worse, he began dating a girl who was 15 years old a month after we separated. Watching him grow close to her broke my heart and left knots in my stomach. I was constantly comparing myself to her thinking I was too fat, ugly, and young. I felt used and discarded. I had a hard time focusing on school, friends, or extracurricular activities. For the next four years, I felt like I’d never be in love again. It took a toll on me and made me feel so self-conscious.
My Why
At the time, I felt so alone and misunderstood. Now I see I needed resources like GKIS. Thirteen years later, I researched “digital sexual coercion” and finally felt seen. I feel better after understanding how common this is and inspired to share my story to help other kids and parents avoid what happened to me.
After reflecting on my experience, I realized that open conversations about online interactions could have equipped me with the awareness to recognize red flags. Had I gone through the GKIS Social Media Readiness Course, I would have understood the risks of social media even among my friends. I encourage all parents to empower their children to navigate the digital world safely. This way, you can prevent your child from reliving my worst experience.
Thanks to CSUCI intern Elaha Q for writing this article. Her courage and vulnerability are so impressive. She said writing the article was a healing experience. And crazily, her older “boyfriend” recently reached out to her and apologized. But she also said that she now recognized who he was still phishing for her affection, and it felt “weird.” It made me wonder, do we ever stop feeling vulnerable after experiences like this? Thanks Elaha for being bold and brave and sharing your story.
I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetKidsInternetSafe.
Who (or what) makes the content your kids watch on YouTube? In some cases, it’s hard-working creators who strive to make quality videos for entertainment or education. In other cases, it’s a computer program designed to efficiently produce videos for a lot of views and big profit. With this in mind, it is up to parents to ensure that their kids have a safe and fun experience while online. For helpful and empowering tools to establish a safe screen home environment, check out our Screen Safety Essentials Course. Today’s GKIS article tells you what you need to know to make YouTube viewing safer for your kids.
Bots!
Bots are computer programs designed by people or other bots to carry out specific online tasks. Not all bots are bad. However, they can run without any oversight from an actual human being.
One application for bots is creating YouTube videos for kids. More specifically, in this capacity bots combine video segments and post them over and over to test how many views they get. Once the tests are completed, the bot has created and run videos that ultimately make money for the programmer. Now that’s artificial intelligence!
Bot-Made Videos
Bot-made videos can look like a normal kid’s video, but they are typically a bit stranger. They often contain just enough story to string the randomly chosen segments together, but not enough story for everything happening to make logical sense. There are just enough familiar elements to hold a child’s attention but nothing educational or valuable to a child.
These videos distract kids long enough to get them to view ads and may even cause harm. After all, many times a human’s eyes have not viewed the video, and bots can’t discriminate a harmful video from a harmless one. At a glance, parents can’t discriminate either. Plus, most parents simply don’t take the time to preview thousands of videos their kids browse each day – especially from beginning to end.
Using Branded Characters to Bail Kids
One element that gets kids searching and watching are recognizable characters. Although branded characters are used without permission and are placed in a disjointed storyline for the video, kids will select them and stay entrapped expecting entertainment. For example, in her book Screen Time in the Mean Time, Dr. Bennett describes an alarming video portraying popular kid’s cartoon character, Peppa the Pig, screaming while being tortured in a dentist’s chair. The beginning of the video looks like a regular Peppa the Pig story. But near the middle of it, the story takes a confusing, terrible turn. Inappropriate video content make be shocking and even funny to older kids but vulnerable young children don’t have the insight or sophisticated skill set to look away. This can feel like a violent ambush and result in confusion, shame, and trauma.
Auto-play
Kids don’t always view these videos because they searched out the characters. Sometimes it is offered to them automatically in their feed. Auto-play is a YouTube feature where a new video is automatically
started after the one currently playing ends. Auto-play will select a video that is similar to the one you just watched based on tags that content creators mark their videos with when they post them. If auto-play is left on too long, it can lead a viewer down a rabbit hole of similar but stranger and stranger videos until they fall into bot-generated content.
The Algorithm
Unfortunately, bot-made videos and more can slip onto YouTube relatively easily. The huge volume of content uploaded to YouTube every day means that having a human being review every video uploaded to the site would be impossible. Instead, YouTube has another way to filter the content uploaded to its site, a bot of their own.
YouTube’s algorithm is, in essence, a much more advanced form of a bot that can scan through every video as it’s uploaded and automatically flag anything that violates YouTube’s terms of service, or at least that’s what it’s supposed to do. Unfortunately, YouTube’s algorithm can’t detect every inconsistency. It’s looking for the very specific things it was programmed to look for. Videos that don’t contain these specific violations slip by the filters. Many content creators have learned what exactly the algorithm is looking for, and some of them use it to slip inappropriate content past the sensors.
YouTube’s algorithm is also responsible for other features on the site including auto-play. The algorithm is what decides what’s worth showing next after a video, and what isn’t. However, the algorithm is only capable of discerning what videos are similar to others based on the tags assigned to a video. If a bot learns to place all the relevant tags for child content on an automatically generated video, then the algorithm will suggest it as if it were normal child content.
What can you do about bot content?
There are a few things that you as a parent can do to protect your children from bot-generated content:
Check in on your kids when they’re watching YouTube
So you can be sure the algorithm hasn’t drifted too far away from where it started.
Get Help
Monitoring everything your child watches can be a daunting task GKIS is here to help. Our Social Media Readiness Course is designed to teach your tweens or teens how to spot red flags on social media sites and when they’re gaming.
Turn off auto-play
The auto-play feature can be disabled by clicking the auto-play button at the bottom of YouTube videos. The button appears as a small black and white play button and is replaced by a black and white pause button while disabled. By turning off this feature, YouTube will no longer pick the next video your child watches next and instead will wait for you to manually choose the next video.
Limit your child’s time on YouTube
The bot-generated content of YouTube is at the bottom of the algorithm’s list of choices. Children often end up being presented with bot-generated content after spending too much time watching videos on YouTube. Our Connected Family Course has screen management strategies and safe-screen home setup ideas to help you manage your child’s screen time.
If you do catch your kids being exposed to an inappropriate video, report it.
Videos reported to YouTube as inappropriate are reviewed by real people who can catch the video for what it is. An offending video will be deleted permanently and can get the channel it comes from deleted entirely.
Thanks to CSUCI intern, Jason T. Stewart for researching bot-generated content and co-authoring this article.
I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetKidsInternetSafe.
In 2019, YouTube was fined 170 million dollars for illegally advertising to kids. In this article, we’ll cover how YouTube broke the law designed to offer protection for children online, what they did to fix it, and the gap that still puts kids at risk.
To help protect your kids from inappropriate content on the internet, check out our Screen Safety Essential Course. This program offers access to weekly parent and family-oriented coaching videos that will help you to create safer screen home environments and foster open communication all while connecting and having fun as a family. Dr. Bennett’s coaching helps parents make more informed decisions about internet safety and educates families so they can use good judgment when encountering risks online.
What is COPPA?
The Children’s Online Privacy Protection Act (COPPA) requires websites to get parent’s permission before collecting identifying data (like a kid’s name or address) or the cookies from the computer the child is using for children 13 and under. Cookies is a term for a type of data packet sent from a website to a computer and the computer returns the packet to the website. These data packets are a way for websites to track a user and record their actions on the site. Any company caught violating COPPA may be fined up to a maximum of $42,530 per violation.
COPPA applies to any website that is aimed at children or has an audience that can include children such as:
PBS Kids
Sesame Street
Nickelodeon
Cartoon Network
How did YouTube break the law?
In 2015 YouTube created a secondary website and app called YouTube Kids dedicated to content for children ages 12 and under. YouTube makes the bulk of their revenue by selling ads and gathering customer data. Customer data is valuable to marketers because it helps them better target advertisements. YouTube Kids gathered child customer data using cookies without parent permission. This was a violation of COPPA. As a result, YouTube received a fine of 170 million dollars.
YouTube marketed itself to advertisers on its popularity with children and made millions of dollars on the subsequent revenue. This led to a surge in kid-oriented content creators who made quick and easy-to-produce videos to capitalize on the profitability of these new advertisers. For example, toy unboxing videos became popular because it was an easy to produce video that generated a lot of views. These content creators are also violators of COPPA because they capitalized on YouTube’s violation for profit.
What has YouTube changed?
The good news is that YouTube no longer collects your children’s personal identifiers and will not allow advertisements that attempt to collect them either. YouTube along with the FTC have also cracked down on content creators who intentionally abused the ad revenue system by mass producing content while YouTube was still collecting kid’s data. Those channels were reported by YouTube, reviewed by the FTC, and channels found guilty were then fined for their own COPPA violation.
YouTube also has guidelines to limit what can be advertised to children. For example, YouTube does not allow advertising of any kind of food or beverage to children. YouTube has also added content filters that are meant to catch content that is oriented at kids and ensure that any advertisement that can collect your data can’t show up on those videos.
But kids are still viewing inappropriate content
The bad news is that the YouTube advertisement system isn’t perfect. YouTube may not be able to target advertisements at your child specifically anymore, but they can still target advertisements at children using videos marked as for children on their main site, or using their secondary site YouTube Kids. YouTube has extra guidelines for kid-oriented advertisements. However, YouTube does not regulate video content in the same way they regulate advertisements. For example, YouTube won’t allow a thirty second ad about Kool-Aid on their platform if it’s aimed at kids, but Kool-Aid can make a channel and post videos that are essentially an advertisement dressed up like an entertaining video for children. If you’d like to learn more about how advertising affects your children, GKIS already has an article detailing just that linked here.
What does this mean for your child on YouTube?
YouTube has put better practices into place after the COPPA fine. That doesn’t mean that their business model is any different. YouTube is still a website that makes the majority of its money off of advertisements. The website may not be collecting your child’s data but their attention is still a commodity being sold. Content on YouTube can be fun and even educational for children, but you have to be careful of what content your kids are watching.
What can you do to protect your kids on YouTube?
Check what your kids are watching
If you check in on what your child is watching every few videos then you can be sure that they haven’t slipped into watching advertisements dressed up as videos.
Familiarize yourself with your child’s favorite creators
Check a couple of their videos and make sure their content is something you want your child to watch. It will also allow you to be sure this content creator isn’t advertising anything to your children in their videos.
GKIS how to spot marketing supplement
Here at GKIS our how to spot marketing supplement will help teach your kids about the strategies marketers use, and will help them identify when a video is really an advertisement in disguise.
GKIS social media readiness course
Bennett’s social media readiness course helps to teach your kids how to be safe online and recognize the risks on social media sites and found in gaming.
Thanks to CSUCI intern, Jason T. Stewart for researching YouTube’s COPPA fine and co-authoring this article.
I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetKidsInternetSafe.
April is Sexual Assault Awareness and Prevention Month (SAAPM). According to the Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network every nine minutes a child is sexually abused, 93% of survivors know the perpetrator, and 1 in 5 kids have been solicited sexually online before the age of 18.[1] The National Sexual Assault Hotline (1-800-656-4673) provides confidential support to victims. This GKIS article covers sexual violence, technology misuse, support groups, and ways to help. The following information may be triggering to some readers, discretion is advised.
Sexual Violence
Ending sexual violence and assault has become a national outcry. The National Sexual Violence Resource Center conducted a survey in the United States, reporting 734,630 people were raped in 2018.[2] GKIS has partnered with various organizations to raise awareness and end sexual assault.
Survivors endure the trauma of the assault and suffer chronic mental disorders (post-traumatic stress disorder, substance abuse, depression) and physical issues (HIV, sexually transmitted infections (STI), unplanned pregnancy).
The Sexual Assault Nurse Examiners (SANE) is a 24-hour service of first responders aiding sexual assault victims. SANE supports victims with emotional recovery, offers STI testing, and provides investigational leads to law enforcement which speeds and increases the chance for prosecution.[2]
Sexual assault is legally defined as “any type of sexual contact or behavior that occurs without the explicit consent of a recipient.”[3] By legal definition, the following are types of sexual assaults according to California law:
In 2015, the People of the State of California v. Brock Allen Turner made national headlines for convicting a Stanford student for sexually assaulting an unconscious victim. He received a sentence of six months for his crimes. Based on the previous CA law, prison time was only sentenced if the victim could defend themselves. The presiding judge, Aaron Persky, was disbarred after his ruling stating that a prison sentence would “have a severe effect” on the student’s future.[3] In an effort to decrease victim-blaming, former Governor Jerry Brown signed AB 2888 which requires a mandatory minimum sentence and requires that sex crime convictions must result in state prison.[3]
Victimization of Children
Sexual violence is common in youth, with reports of 42.2% of females having experienced their first completed rape before 18 according to the 2010 summary report by the National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey.[15] Sexual abuse of minors is often unreported because victims are often secretly coerced and confused about the feelings that result from the abuse. Legally, a child cannot consent to sexual activity with an adult due to immature brain development.[4] Pettis and Hughes report that male adult victims are particularly unlikely to seek treatment for childhood abuse.[4]
Violence in Intimate Relationships
Sexual abuse involving an intimate relationship refers to an unwanted or coercive sexual behavior toward one’s partner. In a Burke and colleagues’ study, males and females with high feminine gender identity were more likely to sustain abuse if they refused to perform sexual acts.[5]
Warning signs of an abusive relationship include if your partner
isolates you from friends or family
manipulates you into performing sexual acts
gets frustrated and jealous if you have unaccounted-for time
Sexual harassment is defined as an unwelcome verbal or physical advance for sexual gratification.[7] A study by Adams-Roy and Barling reported that 35-45% of women face severe sexual harassment at the workplace, resulting in an increase in stress, anxiety, and depression. Assertiveness training often helps victims of sexual harassment confront the assaulter.[7]
Online Sexual Abuse
Online sexual abuse is defined by the United Nations Children’s Funds as coercing victims to use live streams, virtual communities, and social media platforms for illegal sexual acts.[13] Social media influencers have been accused of having sexual relationships with minors. For example, YouTube and Tik Tok influencers James Charles and Tony Lopez have been accused of inappropriate intimate involvement with young fans using fame, power, sexual manipulation, and abusive behaviors. Uplift is a non-profit organization that was founded in 2015 that works to combat sexual abuse in the online community. John Green, author of “The Fault in our Stars,” pledged to support the Uplift movement on YouTube, helping Uplift attract additional supporters.
Our 2015 article, How Texting Can Turn To Sexting in the Blink of an Eye, explains how predators groom children in order to pressure them to send nude photos. Revenge porn is another form of digital abuse, defined as the act of posting someone else’s nude image without consent. Perpetrators illegally use the photos to control and exploit their victims. Revenge porn laws vary by state. If you want to know your state’s revenge porn laws, visit Cyberbully.
Sex Trafficking
Sex trafficking is the use of force, fraud, and coercion against someone for prostitution, pornography, and sexual performance fueled by the buyer’s money.[14] Sex trafficking is increasingly aiding the internet. It has been estimated that 3.8 million adults and 1 million children are used for forced and commercial sexual exploitation each year.[11] In 2020, a conspiracy erupted on Reddit accusing Wayfair of trafficking children by disguising codes located behind furniture sales. The public demanded the U.S. government to investigate allegations, which were later proven false.
People who are vulnerable to sex trafficking include:
Frequently child sexual abuse (commonly called child pornography) is captured and shared on smartphones and Go-Pro. According to California law, sending or receiving semi-nude or nude images of minors is child sexual abuse. This act qualifies as transmitting obscene material by distributing generated image(s) containing sexual conduct, punishable up to six years in state prison.[11]
Another form of camera misconduct is capturing or recording a subject in a bedroom or restroom without their consent. In 2019, a vacation rental guest rented an Airbnb for the weekend. He discovered that the chargers in the bedroom were video recorders.[12] Now, the placement of indoor cameras inside vacation rentals is illegal.
Security cameras placed in a particular area to capture a neighbor’s pool, bedroom, or restroom are forms of electronic surveillance that may be illegal depending on intent. Voyeurism is defined as gaining sexual pleasure by watching or recording someone undress.[5] A perpetrator may be imprisoned for 60 days and registered as a sex offender. From our recent article, Red-Light Websites and Online Services that Can Be Dangerous to Kids, GKIS described the Hide It Pro application that can store images and videos from security cameras.
Support Groups for SAAPM
Coalition for Family Harmony
This organization offers mental support, including counseling for sexual assault survivors, support groups for adults and teens, forensic exams, and a 24/7 service with the Rape Crisis Advocates. Dr. Sandy Gomez oversees the Rape Crisis Center in Ventura County at Coalition for Family Harmony and LGBTQ Program. She states that “a person’s access to mental health services should not be limited by their socioeconomic status.” Ten free psychotherapy sessions using a survivor-centered approach are available for sexual assault survivors. There are extended services for survivors who are of color and LGBTQ+.
In April, the Coalition for Family Harmony offers presentations to educate the community and mitigate online romance fraud, which is defined as the act of deceiving another person for financial gains through an online romantic relationship using a fake identity.
A special message from Dr. Sandy Gomez; “If you have experienced sexual violence, you are not alone and what happened to you is not your fault. You are the expert of your situation and we are here to help you review your options so that you can make an informed decision that works for your needs.” Contact their office at (805) 983-6014 or 1-800-300-2181 for a 24-hour Bilingual Crisis Hotline.
The Clothesline Project at Ventura College
According to Professor Capuano, the Ventura Psychology Club advisor and Coordinator of the Clothesline Project for 18 years, the purpose of the Clothesline Project “is to educate students and the community that violence is a problem everywhere, and that help is available.” Students and the community can visit Ventura College to listen to survivors, attend presentations, receive on-site counseling, and speak with 15+ local organizations. Visitors put their personal message on a shirt for display on campus. Topics covered include incest, cyber exploitation, domestic violence, and sexual violence.
Bikers Against Child Abuse
B.A.C.A. is a non-profit organization free of charge which assists abused children. They work together in conjunction with the local and state officials. B.A.C.A. uses their physical appearance to lend physical and emotional support. These bikers are the shield that protects children from future physical, sexual, and emotional abuse.
Ogie, a current member of B.A.C.A., uses the phrase, “no child should live in fear,” giving children hope for a safer world. In the eyes of children and the community, they are heroes. There are monthly meetings for members and the general public to attend. For more information on Who Is B.A.C.A. and local chapters in your area, visit their website.
American Foundation for Suicide Prevention
Thirty-three percent of female sexual assault victims contemplate suicide.[1] The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP) offers advocacy, research, education, and support to survivors with suicidal ideation. They recognize the importance of diversity, equity, and inclusion. AFSP is offering spring actives, such as Marathon in a Month and Campus Walks Day of Action. To learn more about the events, visit AFSP Greater Los Angeles and Central Coats. Let us be the voice AFSP is missioning for “Save Lives and Bring Hope to Those Affected by Suicide.”
Denim Day
In 1992, a 45-year-old driving instructor raped an 18-year-old woman on her first driving lesson in Italy. The survivor reported the rape, and the perpetrator was arrested and jailed for 6 years. Years later, the man appealed his conviction stating it was consensual sex evidenced by her tight jeans that would be too difficult to be pulled off involuntarily. The conviction was overturned, allowing the rapist to be released. This was to be known as the “jean alibi.”[9]
A Denim Day campaign was established in 1999 to support sexual assault victims. Denim Day is considered the most prolonged prevention and education movement for sexual assault.[9] Feel free to tag GKIS social media accounts to see you be a part of the movement.
The importance of consent shows respect for others and yourself. If you are struggling to explain or understand consent, visit Blue Seat Studio’s published video on YouTube: Tea Consent.
Call to Action Against Sexual Assault
LISTEN to victims when they report assault and assist them to achieve emotional and physical safety (e.g., walking, shopping, or eating in public settings).
PARTICIPATE in April to show your support. Wear or post a teal ribbon on your social media page to give awareness of sexual assault.
ACT to stop victim-blaming, known as the belief that the victim is responsible for the assault because of how they dressed, spoke, or behaved. Fear of being blamed is a significant contributor to the low rates of unreported cases.
Adults must show respectful modeling behaviors to all genders to reduce sexual assault. At National Sexual Violence Resource Center, Jenny Coleman explains the importance of speaking out if someone uses inappropriate phrases and terminology in front of minors. If you order our highly reviewed online course, The GKIS Connected Family Course, GKIS will invite you to our private parenting Facebook group in the service of child safety.
GKIS recommends taking self-defense classes to protect yourself from sexual assault. Visit Ando Mierzwa on YouTube or Threat Management on Tik Tok for free self-defense tactics used in martial arts. Furthermore, BSafe, My Safetipin, and Life360 are GPS tracking apps to provide personal safety in dangerous situations.
SPEAK out against sexual violence outside of April. The importance of sharing one’s story brings hope and awareness. For sexual assault survivors who are willing to share their stories, Boston University created an Instagram page for survivors to be heard: visit Campus Survivors. At the end of the day, the story being said is yours, and the story has the power to change the world.
Thanks to CSUCI intern, Christian Sandoval, for giving awareness and prevention of sexual assault in April. The importance of hearing someone’s story is critical, and we hope you will support the movement.
I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetKidsInternetSafe.
[1] Children and teens: Statistics. (n.d.). Retrieved March 18, 2021, from Rainn.org website: https://www.rainn.org/statistics/children-and-teens
[2] Morgan, E. R., & Oudekerk, A. B. (2019). Criminal Victimization, 2018. Bureau of Justice Statistics. Retrieved from https://www.bjs.gov/content/pub/pdf/cv18.pdf
[3] Sevenslegal. (2016, September 8). An update to California’s sexual assault laws. Retrieved March 18, 2021, from Sevenslegal.com website: https://www.sevenslegal.com/assault/update-californias-sexual-assault-laws/538/
[4] Pettis, K., & Hughes, R. (1985). Sexual Victimization of Children: A Current Perspective. Behavioral Disorders,10(2), 136-144. Retrieved March 16, 2021, from http://www.jstor.org/stable/23882265
[5] Burke, P., Stets, J., & Pirog-Good, M. (1988). Gender Identity, Self-Esteem, and Physical and Sexual Abuse in Dating Relationships. Social Psychology Quarterly,51(3), 272-285. Retrieved March 16, 2021, from http://www.jstor.org/stable/2786925
[6] Intimate Partner Sexual Violence. (n.d.). Retrieved March 18, 2021, from Rainn.org website: https://www.rainn.org/articles/intimate-partner-sexual-violence
[7] Adams-Roy, J., & Barling, J. (1998). Predicting the Decision to Confront or Report Sexual Harassment. Journal of Organizational Behavior,19(4), 329-336. Retrieved March 16, 2021, from http://www.jstor.org/stable/3100150
[8] National Sexual Violence Resource Center. (2020, April 3). Start at home: Modeling healthy behaviors keeps kids safe. Retrieved March 18, 2021, from Sexual Assault Awareness Month 2020 website: https://medium.com/sexual-assault-awareness-month-2020/start-at-home-modeling-healthy-behaviors-keeps-kids-safe-f454b929a2a0
[9] Why denim? — denim Day. (n.d.). Retrieved March 18, 2021, from Denimdayinfo.org website: https://www.denimdayinfo.org/why-denim
[10] Myths, facts, and statistics. (2018, November 7). Retrieved April 8, 2021, from Polarisproject.org website: https://polarisproject.org/myths-facts-and-statistics/
[14] Chin, K.-L., & Finckenauer, J. O. (2012). What is sex trafficking? In Selling Sex Overseas (pp. 1–33). NYU Press.
[15] Black C. M., Basile C. K., Breiding J. M., Smith G. S., Walters L. M., Merrick T. M., Chen J., & Stevens R. M. (2011). National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey 2010 Summary Report. Retrieved from https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/NISVS_Report2010-a.pdf
In last week’s GKIS article, “How Teens Overshare,” we covered the ways kids intentionally and unintentionally share location information on social media and how to prevent this safety risk. In today’s article, we detail how cybercriminals victimize teens and offer more helpful information on how to get your kids internet safe.
Cyberstalkers
Cyberstalkers are predators who track online information to extort or harass, create cybercrimes like hacking or identity theft, or intercept a victim offline. Cyberstalkers can be complete strangers or people your teen may already be acquainted with.
Hackers
Hackers are predators who steal usernames, passwords, and personal information to gain access to a victim’s screen device. Once they can access, they can still further data, change or destroy information, install malware, and even take over the device’s camera.[1] Data can then be sold to other criminals on the dark web or be used for identity theft to take out loans and credit cards in your name.
Phishing
Phishing is a cybercrime in which a victim is contacted by email, telephone, or text message by someone posing as a legitimate institution to lure individuals into providing sensitive data. Phishing can also occur through websites and social media.[2] Dr. Bennett notes in her book, Screen Time in the Mean Time that the sensitive information obtained by phishing is often used for online login information such as usernames and passwords, bank account and credit card information, and even identity theft.
The most common example of phishing is email phishing. To email phish, the cybercriminal creates a fake domain that looks trustworthy and legitimate, then sends emails to potential victims asking them to click a link, download an attachment, or “update” their passwords.
To prevent your child from falling victim to online phishing, encourage them to only open emails, online messages, and text messages from trusted individuals and advise them to never click on any links or download attachments from an unusual or suspicious-looking email or message.
Identity Theft
According to The United States Department of Justice, “Identity theft and identity fraud are terms used to refer to all types of crime in which someone wrongfully obtains and uses another person’s personal data in some way that involves fraud or deception, typically for economic gain.”[5]
Cybercriminals often target younger individuals because children do not have bad credit (which is great for cybercriminals) and it is easy to keep it from being noticed until the child is older. In Dr. Bennett’s book, Screen Time in the Mean Time, she writes about a couple of children who were victims of identity theft.
Here are a few ways to protect your child from identity theft:
Install cybersecurity safeguards on phones, laptops, iPads, and any other device that need protection
Have family conversations about being wary of posting or sharing personal information online
Set up a virtual private network (VPN) to ensure the safety of your device(s)
Update passwords at least once a year and be sure that the new password does not include any information that may already be public such as, your teen’s name, age, pet’s name, or anything that could be easily guessed
Social Media Quizzes
Cybercriminals can also phish for information through social media by reviewing posts, asking questions, or offering an online quiz with targeted questions. Quiz questions to avoid include any that ask for your (or your mother’s) maiden name, your favorite color, the street you grew up on, your pets’ names, the first car you owned, or your best friend’s name.
The answers to these questions are often security answers on websites. With security information, personal accounts can be accessed for malicious intent. To prevent cybercrimes, ask your teen to refrain from taking online quizzes or you can encourage them to only take online quizzes from a legitimate source. Teaching your teen to withhold sharing personal information that could pose a security risk is vital to ensure their online safety.
Cyber Blackmail
Once a cybercriminal obtains sensitive information, they may use it to coerce a victim further. According to the BBC, “Cyber-blackmail is the act of threatening to share information about a person to the public, their friends or family unless a demand is met or money is paid.”[3] Cyber blackmail can take many forms and the cybercriminals who commit this crime use different tactics to take advantage of their victims.
Cybercriminals may even say that they have explicit photographs, access to their victim’s phone and computer’s webcam, or even recordings of them from their personal devices. Some of those claims may be true or false, but either way, the cybercriminal uses fear and shame to get what they want.[4]
To help prevent your teen from becoming a victim of cyber-blackmail;
advise them to never share sexual images of themselves (the images can end up anywhere)
advise them to not accept friend requests from strangers
advise them to be wary of things they post, share, or message others online (what they say can very well be used against them in the future)
require your teen to have private social media accounts
For more information and safety tips, we highly recommend parents to purchase our Cybersecurity & Red Flags Supplement. Dr. B created this tool because parents in her clinical and coaching practices frequently asked her to teach their kids the red flags that may alert them to the tricks of online predators, hate groups, and cyberbullies. In this Supplement, she offers her clinical teaching list so you can educate your kids. Knowledge and assertiveness coaching are key elements of child resilience and good judgment online.
Also included in the supplement is Dr. B’s Online Safety Red Flags for Parents. This tool teaches parents what child behaviors to look for that may signal they are at risk – a tool she created from 25+ years of clinical practice. Being able to recognize behavioral red flags in your child may be the difference between stopping risk after one exposure versus not recognizing dangerous relationships and exposures until it’s too late.
Thanks to CSUCI intern, Remi Ali Khan for researching cybercrimes and cybersecurity for this article.
I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetKidsInternetSafe.
Onward to More Awesome Parenting,
Tracy S. Bennett, Ph.D.
Mom, Clinical Psychologist, CSUCI Adjunct Faculty
Photo Credits
Photo by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay
Photo by B_A from Pixabay
Photo by Pixabay from Pexles
Photo by Tracy Leblanc
Works Cited
Bennett, T. (2017). Screen Time in the Mean Time: How to Get Kids and Teens Internet Safe.
Brant, E., & Butterly, A. (2013, September 20). Cyber-blackmail: How to keep safe and deal with it. BBC Newsbeat. http://www.bbc.co.uk/newsbeat/article/23724703/cyber-blackmail-how-to-keep-safe-and-deal-with-it.
Cyber Extortion: Ransomware vs Extortionware. Alpine Security. (2020, August 2). https://alpinesecurity.com/blog/cyber-extortion-ransomware-vs-extortionware/.
The Dangers of Hacking and What a Hacker. https://www.webroot.com/us/en/resources/tips-articles/computer-security-threats-hackers.
Identity Theft. The United States Department of Justice. (2017, February 7). https://www.justice.gov/criminal-fraud/identity-theft/identity-theft-and-identity-fraud.
KnowBe4. What Is Phishing? Phishing. https://www.phishing.org/what-is-phishing.
Not everything you read online is real, nor is everyone you meet. You have been catfished when you meet someone online who created a fake profile to deceive you. Catfishing varies in severity, from posting younger pictures of oneself to stealing another’s identity. Most commonly experienced in dating websites or social media, catfishing provokes more skepticism and fear when it comes to meeting people online.
It started on Tinder…
Being a victim of catfishing can happen to anyone. With more teens joining social media, they are exposed to not only same-age peers but also adults with bad intentions.
For example, my friend Sam had been online dating since her sophomore year of high school. She recently met a guy on Tinder and fell head over heels for him. Soon after meeting each other online, they texted every day. At first, she suggested they FaceTime, but he always came up with some excuse to text only. Sam didn’t think much of it and continued to text with him. When she suggested they meet in person, he ghosted her and then messaged her randomly, ignoring her suggestion. She ignored the red flags.
While talking to a friend about her concerns, her friend shared that she was having a similar experience with her online boyfriend. When they compared notes and photos, they realized it was the same guy using different names and accounts. Since then, Sam has had difficulty trusting anybody online.
Adults and kids can be victims.
The popular MTV show “Catfish: The TV Show,” gives the audience a deeper look into the world of catfishing. During each episode, the host helps a victim uncover the truth behind a catfishing incident. Each episode illustrates the complex reasons people create deceptive online identities to make up for deficits in their non-virtual lives, such as:
insecurity about their looks, so they steal someone else’s identity who is better looking – like wearing a virtual mask.
pretending to be a different gender, perhaps experimenting before coming out of the closet.
cyberstalking or seeking revenge.
It’s not just adults that are deceived by catfishing. In the Lifetime TV show, “I Catfished My Kid,” parents try to teach their teens a lesson about the dangers of talking to strangers online. In the pilot, two Ventura County teens were duped by an adult producer into thinking they were interacting with a peer. When he asked each victim to meet him in the park to watch his band practice, one of the teens complied. On the show, we see her walk to the park and then be confronted by her parents and the host of the show.
Dr. Bennett received production credit on this pilot and helped with the emotional support on set. She describes feeling uncomfortable with the plot of deceiving a teen. However, to the benefit of millions of viewers, the show is an opportunity to teach kids how easy it is to be catfished.
Why do we fall for it?
Dr. Bennett believes that texting and online dating are some of the worst things to ever happen to singles. Although they offer immediate access to possible friends and dates, she says it also exposes our psychological vulnerabilities to exploitive others.
For instance, Dr. B describes a phenomenon she’s seen in practice where the screen between us and our new partner allows us to confabulate a false truth, that our new dating partner is better than they actually are. Confabulation is the act of unconsciously creating imaginary facts to fill in for a loss of memory.
In other words, with their dream dating profile in mind, online daters sometimes start by identifying a partner that loosely fits their criteria. Because they are so hopeful, they unconsciously convince themselves that their date is their dream partner. A simple “I look forward to meeting you” text becomes a sign of affection, romance, and fidelity. They create a dream person in their heads before the date has even revealed their true selves.
Dr. Bennett also believes that online dating can trigger our hunting and gathering instincts. Too often, she sees people “keep an eye out” for a better partner, even when they are committed to their current one. By always looking for the next best thing, singles sabotage the relationship they’re in. The thrill of the chase and the novelty of a new person can overshadow real partnership.
She also notes that healthy daters find partners and quickly move off dating sites, whereas predators stay. Dr. B theorizes that is the reason there are more creeps on dating sites than in the general population. Online dating can help you find love, but it can also open one up to exploitation, financial coercion, or online dating fraud. Although some dating sites verify users through other social media profiles and have safety tips, daters must beware.
If you visit websites, play video games, or are on social media, it may be helpful to you to know the red flags that. you may be being catfished.
Red flags that you are being catfished if the person:
is too good to be true
demands too much contact or acts possessive
is overly elaborative
attempts to pull you in with dramatic stories of victimhood or emotional distress
makes too many promises
is only available to talk during certain days and times
-gets too affectionate too fast
Thank you to GKIS intern, Nubia Bandek, for telling us all about catfishing. The hookup culture, which makes teens vulnerable to catfishing, is more prominent among teens than parents realize. Check out the GKIS article, Is Your Teen Hooking Up? for tips on how to have important conversations with your tweens and teens.
I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetKidsInternetSafe.
[1.] Couch, D., Liamputtong, P., & Pitts, M. (2012). What are the real and perceived risks and dangers of online dating? Perspectives from online daters. Health, Risk & Society,14(7–8), 697–714.https://doi-org.summit.csuci.edu/10.1080/13698575.2012.720964
[2.] Menkin, J. A., Robles, T. F., Wiley, J. F., & Gonzaga, G. C. (2015). Online dating across the life span: Users’relationship goals. Psychology and Aging, 30(4), 987–993. https://doi-org.summit.csuci.edu/10.1037/a0039722.supp (Supplemental)
How We Got Close
