Before the internet, “going viral” was not something positive much less something people actively sought out. “Going viral” has become a new age epidemic, with people doing whatever they can for their 60 seconds of fame. But what does “going viral” actually mean, and how does it affect our brains and our self-esteem? Today’s GKIS article will break down “going viral” and its effects. For help raising your child to be digitally smart, check out our GKIS Screen Safety Essentials Course. This course includes all GKIS parenting courses, agreements, and supplements, ensuring you are well-equipped to fight off digital injury and keep your child safe from harm.
What does it mean to “go viral”?
Going viral means sharing something via social media that spreads quickly to thousands, even millions of people. The term viral video was first used in 2009 to describe the video “David After Dentist.”[1]
One viral video or post can turn people into internet celebrities overnight and garner thousands of followers, resulting in brand deals and monetized content. Once a video goes viral, there is no limit to the number of people it will reach or even what platform they will see the video on. It is very common to see posts shared from one platform to the next, whether it be a TikTok on Twitter or a Tweet going viral on Instagram.
The number of views to be considered going viral also varies from platform to platform. One hundred thousand views on TikTok is pretty successful, whereas even a couple hundred thousand views on YouTube is a relatively low number.[2]
The number of likes is also an important factor. Many videos have a high number of views but a relatively low number of likes. These videos are not considered to be going viral because they are not well-received by the general public.[2] Engagement drives up the virality of the content through shares and comments that stimulate the algorithm to continue placing that content on people’s feeds.[2] Another important factor in going viral is the immediacy of response, meaning that the views, likes, and comments must be received within a few hours to days rather than over several months or years.[2]
How does “going viral” affect our brains?
When your video, post, or other content “goes viral,” you receive likes, comments, reposts, shares, and bookmarks. These response notifications prompt the reward systems in our brains.[3] Many fast notifications results in dopamine release. To keep that feel-good feeling going, we keep checking, acting in a way similar to gambling addictions.[3]
Algorithms also take advantage of a variable-reward system because they are programmed to recognize when to take advantage of our reward system and desire for dopamine.[3] This often results in a stockpile of notifications that get delayed until a good amount of time since the last check has passed or a large amount of engagement has accumulated.
For a personal insight into going viral, I interviewed a college student who had recently experienced the sensation of going viral. They said, “I recently had a video go viral on TikTok. It was a video of the Indie-Rock band Boygenius and one of their members, singer Phoebe Bridgers, singing a verse from their song ‘Cool About It.’ I had taken the video at a concert I had recently attended and decided to post it on TikTok since I was lucky enough to be pretty close to the stage. Over the next few days after I posted it, it got 118k views, 32k likes, and 500 comments, and was saved by more than 4000 people. Once it started picking up traction, I became obsessed with checking my notifications and seeing all the new comments. I would constantly look to see how many views I was at each hour. I even got a like from a TikTok creator who I really enjoy so that was very exciting for me.”
Although going viral is thrilling, notifications can be harmful when they are overly distracting.[4] To compensate for smartphone interruptions, studies have shown that people often work faster, resulting in more stress, frustration, time pressure, and effort.[4] Research has linked daily notifications and their interruptions to depression, anxiety, and even symptoms associated with ADHD.[5]
Our interview also revealed that the euphoria of going viral is short-lived and needs constant “re-upping.” Our subject elaborated, “Once the video started to die down though, I got annoyed by the notifications. They were distracting because they were so far and few in-between and nothing quite as exciting as the start. I got kinda sad that my viral moment was dying down. It made me want to post another video to see if it would get the same kind of attention.”
What does “going viral” do to our self-esteem?
Studies have shown that social media can be both detrimental to our self-esteem and boost it at the same time, but how does going viral change that?
Social media usage can add stress to daily life and encourage people to constantly evaluate and compare themselves to others.[6] When someone goes viral, they open themselves up to being judged by thousands of people, some of whom can be cruel, feeling emboldened by the veil of anonymity. While many would agree that the likes and views one receives on a viral post boosts their self-esteem and makes one feel good about themselves, it also allows for internet trolls to make their way into the comment section to bait others into an argument or provoke an emotional reaction.[7]
One-in-five internet users that have been victims of harassment online reported that it happened in the comment section of a website.[8] Reading negative comments can lessen confidence, reduce self-esteem, and depending on the severity, can even provoke suicidal thoughts.[9]
Our GKIS interviewee unfortunately also had experience with the negative side of going viral. They reported, “Before my video went super viral, I had posted another video that didn’t get as many views but still got a couple thousand views, a few hundred likes, and a good amount of comments. The video was clips of my girlfriend and me in celebration of our second anniversary. For the most part, the comments were really nice, with people calling us cute and being supportive. But after a little while of it being up, it got to the wrong side of TikTok. As a queer couple, we’re used to people being rude or staring at us, but to get negative comments just hurt more for some reason. This was a few months ago, but I still think about the comments from time to time. It honestly made me want to delete the whole video even though it was just a few comments out of a bunch of nice ones.”
How Parents Can Help
Understand that what you and your child post has the potential to go viral, even if you don’t want it to.
Set the privacy settings on posts to control who gets to see the content you share.
Prevent a digital injury to your child’s self-esteem before it occurs with our GKIS Screen Safety Toolkit for parents of kids of all ages.
To help facilitate difficult conversations about online content and who should see it, try out our free GKIS Connected Family Screen Agreement.
Social media has forever been a hookup culture. But recently, older men are approaching young girls, for a “sugar arrangement,” a little time for a little gift. The promises of new shoes, purses, and money for a conversation can be very tempting. Once a relationship is initiated it typically gets sexual from there. Could your daughter be getting approached online by sugar daddies? To help deter your child from falling victim to this look into Social Media Readiness Training to help kids be more online aware.
What are a “sugar daddy” and a “sugar baby?”
A sugar daddy is typically an adult male who finances the lifestyle of his younger companion. The average sugar daddy is 38 years old and earns $250,000 annually.[1] His younger companion is referred to as his “sugar baby.” The sugar baby is typically expected to give up their time and sexual activities in exchange for gifts like clothes, shoes, jewelry, and a weekly allowance. Our Screen Safety Toolkit can help you track people who may unknowingly approach your child online.
Sugar Baby Cindy says she’s happy with her arrangement.
I interviewed a 26-year-old sugar baby named Cindy. She said “Not all sugar arrangements are sexual. Sometimes they just want to have someone to talk to.” Cindy says she prefers a sugar daddy-sugar baby arrangement because it takes out the guessing game for her. She said “Knowing someone wants to take care of me is a good feeling. It also takes work. You have to keep up your looks, be diverse in a lot of topics and make sure your sugar daddy is happy in return.”
How do you find your sugar daddy or sugar baby?
There are a variety of websites for two consenting adults to find this style of relationship. One of the more popular sites is SeekingArrangement. This site is for consenting adults to find someone that may be interested in a sugar arrangement. It’s much like any other dating site but specifically for sugar daddies and sugar babies. Onlyfans have also made it easier for girls to sell personal content. This is a way for sugar daddies to get an idea of who may be interested in being a sugar baby.
Unfortunately, adults use social media to proposition adolescents, persuading them to talk in exchange for money. A high school student I spoke with elaborated. “One guy offered me five hundred dollars just to talk to him.” She said she ignored his request and blocked him. Imagine how tempting money and gift offers may be to lonely or bold teens.
Cindy Details the Dangers She’s Encountered Online
Cindy said that a prospect once tried to scare her after she refused him by doxing her. He discovered who she was, her family members, and where they lived. Then he created a fake online profile and tried to out her to her family. She said that was really scary her family would respond to such intimate and potentially embarrassing information,
Cindy also shared that once while working as a camgirl on Onlyfans, a customer convinced her to do a private show in exchange for gifts from her Amazon wish list. After the show, she realized he had only screenshotted the gifts in his cart. He vanished without paying for the promised gifts.
Finally, Cindy said some men will say they want to verify you are honest and not a scam by having you send a small amount of money to their cash app with promises to make it up by paying for your services later. She said that most girls will do this thinking five dollars is a small ask in return for a big payout later. But often, the men will take the money and run.
How to Protect Your Child from Being Approached by a Sugar Daddy Online
Practice common sense parenting as we teach within our GetKidsInternetSafe Safety Essentials Course. Our four-module online course helps guide you and your family to form a closer, more cooperative relationship that facilitates safer screen use and overall psychological wellness.
Make sure your kids don’t have hidden apps and secret social media profiles using our Screen Safety Toolkit. This is a great resource for services to help you monitor apps, give you better parental control, and much more.
Make sure you and your kids know how to navigate social media safely with our Social Media Readiness Course. This easy 10-part lesson plan will not only make you feel safe but also make your kids feel more empowered.
Encourage your kids to keep their social media profiles private.
Tell your kids if money comes up in an online conversation, be wary. The person likely has sexual motives.
Trust your gut. If it doesn’t feel right it probably isn’t.
Thanks to CSUCI intern Keith Ferries for researching sugar daddies and sugar babies and authoring this article.
[1] Matthew Henry https://burst.shopify.com/photos/search?button=&q=man+at+laptop
[2] Tim Douglas https://www.pexels.com/photo/delighted-young-woman-with-bright-gift-bags-after-shopping-6567285/
[3] https://www.pexels.com/photo/a-girl-in-a-city-using-smart-phone-3768921/
[4] Andrea Piacquadio https://www.pexels.com/photo/woman-in-red-t-shirt-looking-at-her-laptop-3755761/
Through their quickly consumable content, TikTok, Instagram, and Twitter have made it increasingly easy to connect with people who have similar interests to you. While this helps people to find those like them, it may become dangerous when those interests are morbid. All over social media, you can find fan accounts and fan edits for the world’s most deadly serial killers. By connecting true-crime fans all over the world, social media has caused an emergence of teens who have a cult-like obsession with killers like Dahmer, Bundy, and Manson. Today’s article covers social media’s obsession with serial killers and how you can keep your child safe from digital injury with our GKISScreen Safety Toolkit.
Fandoms and The Rise of the “Stan”
A fandom is a group built around the shared interest or enjoyment of something in popular culture.[1] Since before the creation of the internet, people have gathered to meet and obsess over their common interests. The internet has simply made it easier to do so.
Fandoms provide a space for people to be themselves without judgment, leading to higher levels of self-esteem.[2] There is a term for those who are particularly obsessed, called “Stans.” A Stan is someone who is a mix between a stalker and a fan, someone who shows extreme fandom behavior to the point of excessiveness.[3]
Typically online, you can expect to see fandoms for pop culture groups like movies, TV shows, and musicians. However, with the rise in true crime popularity, a new subgroup has formed of “Stans” with a particular interest in serial killers and their victims. These Stans continually post videos of serial killer interviews edited to music, create fan accounts, and even write serial killer self-insert fanfiction where they are the victims.[4]
Social Media’s Role in Obsession
Social media thrives on content that can get lots of views and produce lots of likes, meaning that the more scandalous and salacious content is, the more likely it is to do well. The notifications from social media likes and comments trigger the reward center of our brain, releasing dopamine and making us feel good all over.[5] When users post content that is related to their fandoms, they get a rush of dopamine and that connection between fandom content and happiness causes them to post more and interact with the content more.
Social media has also created a world where content is readily available for consumption, meaning that people can see posts specifically tailored to their interests 24/7. This allows people to go from fans to superfans, spending their waking moments scouring the internet for posts related to their fandom. One Quora user shared their experience as an obsessive fan, “I’ve been addicted to a fandom for 7 years, and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it for that long. As per my personal experience, I got sucked into several fandoms due to over-engaging in social media. I over-identified with the idols and associated my own ego with that of their public image.”[6] This idolization of celebrities creates dangerous parasocial relationships that are only made further dangerous when one’s idol is a serial killer. To learn more about parasocial relationships, check out the GKIS article, “The Dangers of Online Parasocial Celebrity Relationships”.
When Does Harmless Become Harmful
It’s easy to brush off fandom behavior as nothing more than a phase one will grow out of. But when the obsession turns into something more it can become dangerous. Cody Ackland was a 24-year-old who grew up obsessed with Ted Bundy, an interest that no one paid much attention to until he attacked and murdered 18-year-old Bobbi Anne McLeod. Just hours before attacking McLeod, Ackland had searched for “Ted Bundy dead victim’s bodies” and “Ukrainian serial killer bodies” on the internet.[7]
Teens have become more and more desensitized to serial killers and true crime content, going so far as to make fan accounts as part of a big internet joke. When 23-year-old Peter Manfredonia was on the run from the police following a double murder he committed, teens on TikTok and Instagram began making fan accounts and posting meme comments to the killer’s personal Instagram page.[8] While the people running these accounts chalk up their actions to being a big joke, there is a large community of people who genuinely run fan accounts for notable serial killers.
Reddit user IkariMonster shared screenshots of several accounts from Twitter to a sub-Reddit, stating, “These teenagers worship and treat serial killers and school shooters like e-boys.”[9] In the screenshots, you can see several fan accounts treating serial killers Ted Bundy, Jeffrey Dahmer, and the Columbine Shooters Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold as though they were celebrities. In one post a teenage girl shares a selfie next to her bedroom wall, which is covered in photos of Dahmer with the caption, “I just thought I’d share cause I think my wall looks pretty [face with hearts emoji].” These accounts and posts are just one example of content and cult-like obsessive behavior that exists across multiple social media platforms.
The victims of these killers were people with friends and family and the pain they endured it absolutely horrendous. There is no reason that serial killers and mass murderers should be praised or celebrated for their actions. The creation of fan accounts and fandom content perpetrates further violence against the families of the victims and serves as a constant reminder of the pain they suffered. GKIS does not endorse this behavior. We are mortified by it and think it is destructive to kids and teens to be so callous and to celebrate violence in this way.
What Parents Can Do
Installing management tools for social media can help you in monitoring their internet behavior. If you would like help with this process, check out our GKISScreen Safety Toolkit made to help empower and provide parents with smart tech tools to filter, monitor, and manage online behavior.
Co-view the content your child interacts with; you can scroll together to choose what content they view and enjoy.
Make it known from the beginning the type of content that is acceptable for your child to view. We can help facilitate this healthy conversation with ourConnected Families Screen Agreement to help you work with your child to create a collaborative, living document.
Beauty and fashion trends have always changed with the season. But with social media, the pressures to conform have increased among adults and impact younger and younger kids. At what point do we intervene to minimize the dangerous effects that arbitrary beauty standards have on kids and teens? How do we discourage the consumption of damaging content surrounding body image? If you are concerned about the damaging content your family could be exposed to, check out our Screen Safety Essentials Course. This course provides you with the tools necessary to navigate the Internet more safely and avoid digital injury. Even better, it will bring you closer to your kids! Today’s GKIS article covers the controversies of trending body types, the damage they can do to young people, and creative ideas to keep your family safe.
Heroin chic is back!
Popularized in the early 1990s, heroin chic refers to the ideal female body type with defining features that include a very thin frame and an emaciated appearance.
In November 2022, the New York Post published an article titled ‘Bye-bye booty: Heroin chic is back,’ and it immediately sparked controversy online. The article claimed that the much thinner physique was “trendy” and celebrities like Bella Hadid and Kim Kardashian who have publicized radical weight loss sparked the recent shift in body trends.
The Shortened Lifespan of Online Trends
Media has a major impact on how we perceive ourselves and the world around us.[3] With the increasing use of social media, the lifespan of trends has drastically shortened. Instead of trends lasting for a couple of years, they now last for a couple of months. That means many women whiplash between fashion fads, radical diets, and costly beauty regimens. Just when it seems that we are making progress with body positivity, the return of heroin chic only proves that within industrialized countries such as the U.S., slender women tend to be seen as more attractive.[2]
Trends have fluctuated throughout the years, coming and going and coming back again. Before the most recent return of heroin chic was the ‘slim thick’ trend from the late 2010s. Slim thick means very curvy. It’s often only achieved through plastic surgery like breast and buttock enhancement surgery. Recently social media sites have also promoted filters that make one’s face fit the trending beauty standard. A small, upturned nose, full lips, and “fox eye” eye makeup are what are considered most attractive recently on apps such as TikTok and Instagram. Another GKIS article, Influencers Hurt Child Self-Esteem by Overusing Filters, touches on how filters that dramatically alter your face can have similar effects. Check it out to learn more.
What is the damage?
Body dissatisfaction is a major source of suffering among women of all ages.[1] The intense fluctuation of beauty standards and trends can lead to self-esteem issues, lack of motivation, depression, body dysmorphia and other eating disorders, and thoughts of suicide. All genders are at risk of becoming insecure about their physical appearance. However, the risk is higher for young girls because of rapid pubertal body change and because society has deemed a woman’s attractiveness to be integral to her self-worth and value.[1]
To avoid the potential development of body image insecurities, check out our Social Media Readiness Course. This course can help prepare your tween or teen to more safely navigate the Internet and avoid damaging content.
How can we protect our teens?
Talking with your children is one way to protect them against internalizing unrealistic trends and developing insecurities. Creating a safe space to hold conversations surrounding confidence and self-esteem can help. To help guide you through these sometimes difficult conversations, we’ve developed our free Connected Family Screen Agreement. Offered in short, easy chunks, our agreement will help you become your child’s ally when it comes to screen media and family safety.
Setting smart and justifiable parameters is also key for protection. If you are lost as to how to set up the rules and maintain cooperation, our Screen Safety Essentials Course has everything you need to be your family’s go-to expert.
Social media requires a whole new set of tools for child safety. For smart management, our Screen Safety Toolkit can help.
And for tweens and teens, our Social Media Readiness Course offers the red flags of digital injury and the psychological wellness tools that Dr. Bennett teaches in her practice. With a mastery quiz at the end of each module, you can be sure that the GKIS certification your teen earns at the end really means sometimes.
[1] Stapleton, P., Crighton, G. J., Carter, B., & Pidgeon, A. (2017). Self-esteem and body image in females: The mediating role of self-compassion and appearance contingent self-worth. The Humanistic Psychologist, 45(3), 238–257. https://doi-org.ezproxy.csuci.edu/10.1037/hum0000059
[3] Monks, H., Costello, L., Dare, J., & Reid Boyd, E. (2021). ‘We’re continually comparing ourselves to something’: Navigating body image, media, and social media ideals at the nexus of appearance, health, and wellness. Sex Roles: A Journal of Research, 84(3–4), 221–237. https://doi-org.ezproxy.csuci.edu/10.1007/s11199-020-01162-w
So many of us follow our favorite celebrities on social media hoping to get small glimpses of their private lives. But have you ever wondered, where’s the line between fandom and obsession? Tweens and teens are especially vulnerable to developing parasocial relationships with celebrities they love online. Because of their fame, celebs can influence followers in some of the worst ways. To prevent your child from being negatively influenced by others online and to create a strong digital foundation, check out our Screen Safety Essentials Course. Today’s GKIS article covers what online parasocial relationships are and how to prevent their negative influence on kids and teens.
What is a ‘Parasocial’ Relationship?
A parasocial relationship is a one-way relationship with a person of higher status who you know intimately but who hardly knows you at all.[1] Social media is the perfect vehicle to develop parasocial relationships. Younger tweens and teens are especially susceptible due to a powerful social drive fed by adolescent identity formation. Not only are teens looking for mentorship, but they also easily form an attachment to idealized versions of their favorite celebs.[2]
Social media features that readily fuel parasocial relationships include the attraction of stylized and beautifully edited posts, branding relationships between celebrities, produced dramas between celebrities designed to bring in more followers, fan comments and forums, and even the ability to send private messages. Studies show that adolescents that have a weaker sense of self-identity often participate in celebrity worship as they are more easily influenced by others.[2]
‘Stan Culture’
Fans aim to achieve closer relations with their favorite celebs through various consumption activities.[1] Twitter is the social media site with the largest number of users who participate in celebrity worship, which is also known as a stan. A Stan is an overzealous or obsessive fan of a particular celebrity. Primarily a term used to define a fan of a particular musical artist, there are Stans for just about any popular current artist you can think of. Stan culture on Twitter consists of individuals sharing fanmade videos and pictures and consuming as much of the artist’s content as possible.
There is also a dark side to Twitter’s Stan culture. Arguments between Stans of different celebrities frequently appear in comment sections, which eventually turn into cases of cyberbullying. Studies have found that intense celebrity worship can be linked to tendencies toward addiction and stalking behaviors.[3] What seems like innocent fan engagement could potentially lead to something more negative and even illegal.
Defending Harmful Messages
Well-known celebs have the freedom to post whatever they want on the Internet, just like the rest of us. Although they aren’t obligated to maintain a certain image, sometimes they promote harmful ideologies that influence fans who’ve developed parasocial relationships with them.
The most recent example is rapper Kanye West, who has been at the forefront of recent celeb controversy. In October 2022, Kanye made some anti-Semitic remarks based on conspiracy theories and harmful stereotypes in interviews and Instagram posts. This resulted in groups of people in Los Angeles standing with signs over freeways saying harmful anti-Semitic things shortly after the comments circulated on the Internet. One of the signs said that Kanye was “right” about what he said about Jewish individuals. Amongst the backlash that he received, there were die-hard fans that stood their ground and continued to defend his actions. This led some fans to adopt his conspiracy theories and ideals at worst and turn a blind eye to such ignorance at best.
Impressionable Teens and Tweens
Other celebrities have also promoted problematic ideas with the support of fans who adore them. This is a problem primarily for young tweens and teens due to their lack of real-world experiences and their evolving views of the world around them. Being negatively influenced by celebrities online can have serious risks.
How to Discourage Parasocial Relationships
There is a difference between being a fan of someone’s work and developing an obsessive parasocial relationship with them online. Having conversations with your kids about the importance of navigating the Internet safely is a good place to start. Our Connected Family Course can help with that. It includes the tools necessary to monitor and promote healthy screen engagement while still maintaining a positive environment at home.
Young teens and tweens who are still learning about the world could be exposed to ignorant comments from their favorite celebrities and could potentially become influenced by them. In the worst case, teens become radicalized in their thinking without their parents even knowing. To prevent your tweens and teens from engaging in ignorant and harmful content online, check out our Social Media Readiness Course. Our course provides you and your child with the knowledge necessary to safely browse the Internet and avoid ignorant and harmful content, as well as how to make healthy digital decisions.
Learning the ways of the Internet doesn’t have to be a daunting task. Dr. Bennett’s book Screen Time in the Mean Timeis another great tool for parents to use to become more knowledgeable about the unpredictable online realm. This book can further prepare you for establishing a safe environment for your tweens and teens to express their love for their favorite celebrities/artists online.
Thanks to CSUCI intern Tracy Pizano for researching the risks of forming parasocial relationships and for co-authoring this article.
I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetKidsInternetSafe.
[1] Derbaix, M., & Korchia, M. (2019). Individual celebration of pop music icons: A study of music fans’ relationships with their object of fandom and associated practices. Journal of Consumer Behaviour, 18(2), 109–119. https://doi-org.ezproxy.csuci.edu/10.1002/cb.1751
[2] Ang, C.-S., & Chan, N.-N. (2018). Adolescents’ views on celebrity worship: A qualitative study. Current Psychology: A Journal for Diverse Perspectives on Diverse Psychological Issues, 37(1), 139–148. https://doi-org.ezproxy.csuci.edu/10.1007/s12144-016-9497-0
[3] Sansone, R. A., & Sansone, L. A. (2014). ‘I’m your number one fan’—A clinical look at celebrity worship. Innovations in Clinical Neuroscience, 11(1–2), 39–43.
Drug addiction is on the rise with many drug dealers finding teen customers on social media.[1] Once engaged with the dealer, teens are vulnerable to drug use, solicitation for nude photos and videos, coercion, extortion, and even violence. Once hooked, dealers may also use their victims to recruit other teens. Improving their methods one teen at a time, dealers become experts at persuading kids to try that first pill, often lying about what it is and how it may affect them. Most parents would deny that their kids are at risk, insisting that they’ve spoken to them and know their kids would never be so foolish. But if you’re not tracking content on your kids’ devices because you believe they deserve digital privacy, can you be so sure? To help close risk gaps and set appropriate expectations, check out our Screen Safety Essentials Course. With weekly family and parenting videos, you can be confident that you are doing all you can to protect your kids from risks like these. Today’s GKIS article shares a true story about a 16-year-old girl who got caught up in this shocking series of tragic events driven by social media use. Learn about how she got started, the workarounds she used, and what her parents would recommend to help keep your teens safe.
Morgan’s Story
Tom recently shared a tragic story with us about his 16-year-old stepdaughter, Morgan. Morgan is like any high school sophomore. She loves fashion, her friends, and her 17-year-old boyfriend, Parker. She earns straight As and loves to ride horses. Tom and his wife Julie frequently have Morgan’s friends and boyfriend over to the house to hang out and occasionally Morgan and Parker would go out too. Parker seemed like a good kid, and they insisted on meeting his parents right from the beginning. They didn’t think twice when, over time, Morgan started mouthing off, rolling her eyes, and pushing back against the rules. They figured it was normal adolescent boundary-pushing. Besides, Julie and Morgan moved to this new community only a year ago before Tom and Julie got married. They figured there would be some growing pains as she figured out her new school and friend situation.
Over time, however, Morgan’s defiance escalated. She was constantly on her phone, isolating herself in her room, coming home past curfew, and eventually started sneaking out at odd times “to go for a walk.” Grounding her and taking her phone didn’t seem to help, and Julie was reticent to repeatedly punish her due to the screaming fights that would ensue when she tried to implement consequences. Julie felt like maintaining a cooperative alliance with Morgan was more effective than punishment. So, she worked hard to spend time with her daughter and felt that she’d grow out of the teen attitude.
More Than Teen Rebellion
Tom realized it was more than teen rebellion when his neighbor, who worked in law enforcement, came by and
reported that he’d seen Morgan buying drugs from different men that would drive up to her during her walks. Julie and Tom were shocked and terrified. They put Morgan into therapy and drug-tested her. When she came up positive for multiple drugs, they put her in intensive outpatient therapy for teens who abuse drugs. They tightened up on their rules and hoped that everything would sort out now that Morgan was getting professional help.
Over time, Morgan’s attitude got better, and she said she liked her therapists. Until one day Julie discovered fentanyl tablets in Morgan’s room and realized they needed to investigate further. Although Julie was still reticent to invade Morgan’s privacy, Tom insisted they confiscate Morgan’s phone and restrict social media and socializing privileges until they could better understand and control the situation.
Phone Content Reveals the “Real” Story
When they accessed Morgan’s phone, they discovered she was swept up in many dealings with multiple drug dealers, most of them adults and some in gangs. They also saw text exchanges that demonstrated that she and her boyfriend were offering nude photos and videos of them having sex in exchange for drugs. It was also clear that Morgan had sex with some of the dealers in exchange for drugs. Julie and Tom were heartbroken and reached out to law enforcement.
From the phone content, several arrests ensued and Morgan filed a restraining order against Parker. The videos revealed that both teens were under the influence during the sexual encounters and Parker may even be charged with a crime since Morgan is heard saying “no” in some of the videos.
Morgan was immediately enrolled in an online charter school and has been admitted to several inpatient drug rehabilitation programs. She takes the prescription drug, Suboxone, to help her avoid opioid withdrawal and stay off fentanyl. Tom and Julie deleted her social media profiles and don’t allow her any screen use except when she borrows her mom’s phone for browsing here and there. Despite these measures, she has found alternative ways to communicate with old friends by using and sneaking other people’s devices and using the computers at school. As she “unlearns” the manipulative, unhealthy behaviors typical of addiction, she has been kicked out of various schools, friend groups, extracurricular activities, treatment centers, and therapy groups. It will be a long road to healing for Morgan. Although Julie and Tom did the best they could, they wish they would have done more and sooner.
Tom’s Take-Away Advice
When we asked Tom what he wish he’d have done, he shared the following suggestions:
If I had known how rampant drug sales are among middle and high school students on social media platforms like Snapchat and Instagram, I would not have allowed any social media until the age of 16 minimum
I would have set up more stringent monitoring on all devices and computers, and I would have provided a talk-and-text-only phone with no way to add apps and no way to access the Internet until the age of 16.
I would have volunteered to be the pickup parent instead of the drop-off. Kids are smart. They knew I would catch them if they were under the influence when I picked them up.
I would have shut off our Wi-Fi network every night and checked which devices were using our Wifi. Morgan was able to sneak a “burner phone” at night until he realized that he could monitor WiFi use.
Finally, I would have set up random drug testing as a general policy. Parents who assume that they have no reason to drug test their kids because they’re athletes, straight-A students, or generally good kids still can’t be confident their kids are not being influenced by dangerous others. Drug testing is an insurance policy to help keep your kids alive.
If you want to get into smart parenting habits before your kids run into trouble:
Use our free Connected Family Screen Agreement (and weekly GKIS Blog articles) to set rules and expectations when your kids first get ownership over digital devices and social media platforms. The first rule is that nothing on your device is private, and parents get anytime access.
Purchase our Screen Safety Essentials Course to support the whole family and parenting team for better screen safety and a more honest and cooperative home life.
Check out Social Media Readiness Course for tweens and teens. This course offers 10 modules that teach screen safety issues and psychological wellness tools to optimize mental health in both real-life and digital landscapes. Each module offers a quiz to demonstrate mastery of content.
Finally, talk to your kids, be consistent with monitoring and screen use rules, and don’t assume they won’t experiment with dangerous situations. To learn more about which social media platforms are popular for drug deals and the emoticons they use, check out our article A Teen’s Addicts Confessions About Online Workarounds.
I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetKidsInternetSafe.
Thanks to CSUCI intern, Katherine Carroll for researching “going viral” and its effect on the brain and self-esteem.
