Before the internet, “going viral” was not something positive much less something people actively sought out. “Going viral” has become a new age epidemic, with people doing whatever they can for their 60 seconds of fame. But what does “going viral” actually mean, and how does it affect our brains and our self-esteem? Today’s GKIS article will break down “going viral” and its effects. For help raising your child to be digitally smart, check out our GKIS Screen Safety Essentials Course. This course includes all GKIS parenting courses, agreements, and supplements, ensuring you are well-equipped to fight off digital injury and keep your child safe from harm.
What does it mean to “go viral”?
Going viral means sharing something via social media that spreads quickly to thousands, even millions of people. The term viral video was first used in 2009 to describe the video “David After Dentist.”[1]
One viral video or post can turn people into internet celebrities overnight and garner thousands of followers, resulting in brand deals and monetized content. Once a video goes viral, there is no limit to the number of people it will reach or even what platform they will see the video on. It is very common to see posts shared from one platform to the next, whether it be a TikTok on Twitter or a Tweet going viral on Instagram.
The number of views to be considered going viral also varies from platform to platform. One hundred thousand views on TikTok is pretty successful, whereas even a couple hundred thousand views on YouTube is a relatively low number.[2]
The number of likes is also an important factor. Many videos have a high number of views but a relatively low number of likes. These videos are not considered to be going viral because they are not well-received by the general public.[2] Engagement drives up the virality of the content through shares and comments that stimulate the algorithm to continue placing that content on people’s feeds.[2] Another important factor in going viral is the immediacy of response, meaning that the views, likes, and comments must be received within a few hours to days rather than over several months or years.[2]
How does “going viral” affect our brains?
When your video, post, or other content “goes viral,” you receive likes, comments, reposts, shares, and bookmarks. These response notifications prompt the reward systems in our brains.[3] Many fast notifications results in dopamine release. To keep that feel-good feeling going, we keep checking, acting in a way similar to gambling addictions.[3]
Algorithms also take advantage of a variable-reward system because they are programmed to recognize when to take advantage of our reward system and desire for dopamine.[3] This often results in a stockpile of notifications that get delayed until a good amount of time since the last check has passed or a large amount of engagement has accumulated.
For a personal insight into going viral, I interviewed a college student who had recently experienced the sensation of going viral. They said, “I recently had a video go viral on TikTok. It was a video of the Indie-Rock band Boygenius and one of their members, singer Phoebe Bridgers, singing a verse from their song ‘Cool About It.’ I had taken the video at a concert I had recently attended and decided to post it on TikTok since I was lucky enough to be pretty close to the stage. Over the next few days after I posted it, it got 118k views, 32k likes, and 500 comments, and was saved by more than 4000 people. Once it started picking up traction, I became obsessed with checking my notifications and seeing all the new comments. I would constantly look to see how many views I was at each hour. I even got a like from a TikTok creator who I really enjoy so that was very exciting for me.”
Although going viral is thrilling, notifications can be harmful when they are overly distracting.[4] To compensate for smartphone interruptions, studies have shown that people often work faster, resulting in more stress, frustration, time pressure, and effort.[4] Research has linked daily notifications and their interruptions to depression, anxiety, and even symptoms associated with ADHD.[5]
Our interview also revealed that the euphoria of going viral is short-lived and needs constant “re-upping.” Our subject elaborated, “Once the video started to die down though, I got annoyed by the notifications. They were distracting because they were so far and few in-between and nothing quite as exciting as the start. I got kinda sad that my viral moment was dying down. It made me want to post another video to see if it would get the same kind of attention.”
What does “going viral” do to our self-esteem?
Studies have shown that social media can be both detrimental to our self-esteem and boost it at the same time, but how does going viral change that?
Social media usage can add stress to daily life and encourage people to constantly evaluate and compare themselves to others.[6] When someone goes viral, they open themselves up to being judged by thousands of people, some of whom can be cruel, feeling emboldened by the veil of anonymity. While many would agree that the likes and views one receives on a viral post boosts their self-esteem and makes one feel good about themselves, it also allows for internet trolls to make their way into the comment section to bait others into an argument or provoke an emotional reaction.[7]
One-in-five internet users that have been victims of harassment online reported that it happened in the comment section of a website.[8] Reading negative comments can lessen confidence, reduce self-esteem, and depending on the severity, can even provoke suicidal thoughts.[9]
Our GKIS interviewee unfortunately also had experience with the negative side of going viral. They reported, “Before my video went super viral, I had posted another video that didn’t get as many views but still got a couple thousand views, a few hundred likes, and a good amount of comments. The video was clips of my girlfriend and me in celebration of our second anniversary. For the most part, the comments were really nice, with people calling us cute and being supportive. But after a little while of it being up, it got to the wrong side of TikTok. As a queer couple, we’re used to people being rude or staring at us, but to get negative comments just hurt more for some reason. This was a few months ago, but I still think about the comments from time to time. It honestly made me want to delete the whole video even though it was just a few comments out of a bunch of nice ones.”
How Parents Can Help
Understand that what you and your child post has the potential to go viral, even if you don’t want it to.
Set the privacy settings on posts to control who gets to see the content you share.
Prevent a digital injury to your child’s self-esteem before it occurs with our GKIS Screen Safety Toolkit for parents of kids of all ages.
To help facilitate difficult conversations about online content and who should see it, try out our free GKIS Connected Family Screen Agreement.
In our GKIS blog articles, we’ve talked before about how social media and smartphone use can be addicting for kids, and how phone addiction can have negative impacts on kids’ and teens’ mental health and social skills. But what GetKidsInternetSafe is passionate about is prevention. That is why Dr. Bennett created the Social Media Readiness Course for tweens and teens. In this best-selling course, she incorporated education about the red flags of risk for digital injury as well as the psychological wellness practices she’s developed in her psychology practice over 30 years. Many of these practices involve mindfulness, a mental health practice that has demonstrated great outcomes. In today’s GKIS article, we will discuss what mindfulness is exactly and whether it is something your family can use to help prevent the damage caused by smartphone addiction.
Defining Smartphone Addiction
As smartphones have become more popular, it can be difficult to determine whether one is using their phone “too much” or if they are addicted. Studies are finding that we are dependent on our phones and many people are developing separation anxiety from them.[1][2] Psychologists have been looking for ways to prevent smartphone addiction. One of the more promising findings has been mindfulness practice.
What is mindfulness?
Mindfulness is a type of mental practice that’s been gaining popularity. It has its roots in Buddhist philosophy, but it’s a non-religious form of meditation and mental awareness of the current moment.[3]
Mindfulness can be improved with exercises that focus on breathing and focusing on your thoughts, feelings, and body sensations.[4] The goal is to bring your attention to what’s happening in the present moment, instead of stressful thoughts about the past or future.[3]
Health benefits include improving cognitive ability and reducing stress, anxiety, and depression.[3]
How can mindfulness help with smartphone addiction?
A 2019 study found that mindfulness can lessen the impact of separation anxiety related to having a smartphone addiction. Students in the study who scored higher on a mindfulness rating were less likely to have depression and anxiety symptoms.[5]
It was also found in a 2017 study that low ratings of mindfulness were predictive of young adults having internet and screen addictions.[6]
Another study found that mindfulness was also able to lessen the impact of bullying and cyberbullying on student depression.[7] This suggests that mindfulness can help with the symptoms of common digital injuries, not just the internet and phone addiction itself.
What can I do if someone in my family has a phone addiction?
There are many easy mindfulness exercises available online. Most only take between five to ten minutes. A quick Google or YouTube search for “mindfulness exercises” can help you find one that works for you.
It’s also important to help make sure that your family doesn’t become addicted to their smartphones in the first place. Our GKIS Screen Safety Essentials Course is a set of four modules that will help walk your kids through the most important things they can do to keep themselves safe online.
For a more direct approach to your kids’ internet safety, The GKIS Screen Safety Toolkit will provide you with apps and guides on how to implement parental controls and keep an eye on what your kids are doing online, in a way that you and your family can both be happy with.
Thanks to CSUCI intern Brandon Bishop for doing research on smartphone addiction and mindfulness and authoring this article.
I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetKidsInternetSafe.
Through their quickly consumable content, TikTok, Instagram, and Twitter have made it increasingly easy to connect with people who have similar interests to you. While this helps people to find those like them, it may become dangerous when those interests are morbid. All over social media, you can find fan accounts and fan edits for the world’s most deadly serial killers. By connecting true-crime fans all over the world, social media has caused an emergence of teens who have a cult-like obsession with killers like Dahmer, Bundy, and Manson. Today’s article covers social media’s obsession with serial killers and how you can keep your child safe from digital injury with our GKISScreen Safety Toolkit.
Fandoms and The Rise of the “Stan”
A fandom is a group built around the shared interest or enjoyment of something in popular culture.[1] Since before the creation of the internet, people have gathered to meet and obsess over their common interests. The internet has simply made it easier to do so.
Fandoms provide a space for people to be themselves without judgment, leading to higher levels of self-esteem.[2] There is a term for those who are particularly obsessed, called “Stans.” A Stan is someone who is a mix between a stalker and a fan, someone who shows extreme fandom behavior to the point of excessiveness.[3]
Typically online, you can expect to see fandoms for pop culture groups like movies, TV shows, and musicians. However, with the rise in true crime popularity, a new subgroup has formed of “Stans” with a particular interest in serial killers and their victims. These Stans continually post videos of serial killer interviews edited to music, create fan accounts, and even write serial killer self-insert fanfiction where they are the victims.[4]
Social Media’s Role in Obsession
Social media thrives on content that can get lots of views and produce lots of likes, meaning that the more scandalous and salacious content is, the more likely it is to do well. The notifications from social media likes and comments trigger the reward center of our brain, releasing dopamine and making us feel good all over.[5] When users post content that is related to their fandoms, they get a rush of dopamine and that connection between fandom content and happiness causes them to post more and interact with the content more.
Social media has also created a world where content is readily available for consumption, meaning that people can see posts specifically tailored to their interests 24/7. This allows people to go from fans to superfans, spending their waking moments scouring the internet for posts related to their fandom. One Quora user shared their experience as an obsessive fan, “I’ve been addicted to a fandom for 7 years, and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it for that long. As per my personal experience, I got sucked into several fandoms due to over-engaging in social media. I over-identified with the idols and associated my own ego with that of their public image.”[6] This idolization of celebrities creates dangerous parasocial relationships that are only made further dangerous when one’s idol is a serial killer. To learn more about parasocial relationships, check out the GKIS article, “The Dangers of Online Parasocial Celebrity Relationships”.
When Does Harmless Become Harmful
It’s easy to brush off fandom behavior as nothing more than a phase one will grow out of. But when the obsession turns into something more it can become dangerous. Cody Ackland was a 24-year-old who grew up obsessed with Ted Bundy, an interest that no one paid much attention to until he attacked and murdered 18-year-old Bobbi Anne McLeod. Just hours before attacking McLeod, Ackland had searched for “Ted Bundy dead victim’s bodies” and “Ukrainian serial killer bodies” on the internet.[7]
Teens have become more and more desensitized to serial killers and true crime content, going so far as to make fan accounts as part of a big internet joke. When 23-year-old Peter Manfredonia was on the run from the police following a double murder he committed, teens on TikTok and Instagram began making fan accounts and posting meme comments to the killer’s personal Instagram page.[8] While the people running these accounts chalk up their actions to being a big joke, there is a large community of people who genuinely run fan accounts for notable serial killers.
Reddit user IkariMonster shared screenshots of several accounts from Twitter to a sub-Reddit, stating, “These teenagers worship and treat serial killers and school shooters like e-boys.”[9] In the screenshots, you can see several fan accounts treating serial killers Ted Bundy, Jeffrey Dahmer, and the Columbine Shooters Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold as though they were celebrities. In one post a teenage girl shares a selfie next to her bedroom wall, which is covered in photos of Dahmer with the caption, “I just thought I’d share cause I think my wall looks pretty [face with hearts emoji].” These accounts and posts are just one example of content and cult-like obsessive behavior that exists across multiple social media platforms.
The victims of these killers were people with friends and family and the pain they endured it absolutely horrendous. There is no reason that serial killers and mass murderers should be praised or celebrated for their actions. The creation of fan accounts and fandom content perpetrates further violence against the families of the victims and serves as a constant reminder of the pain they suffered. GKIS does not endorse this behavior. We are mortified by it and think it is destructive to kids and teens to be so callous and to celebrate violence in this way.
What Parents Can Do
Installing management tools for social media can help you in monitoring their internet behavior. If you would like help with this process, check out our GKISScreen Safety Toolkit made to help empower and provide parents with smart tech tools to filter, monitor, and manage online behavior.
Co-view the content your child interacts with; you can scroll together to choose what content they view and enjoy.
Make it known from the beginning the type of content that is acceptable for your child to view. We can help facilitate this healthy conversation with ourConnected Families Screen Agreement to help you work with your child to create a collaborative, living document.
Recently, practices and policies enacted by social media companies have come under public scrutiny for their harmful effects on kids and teens. Many parents, public figures, and experts have expressed that screen addiction is a rampant issue being faced by kids, teens, and adults. Figuring out how to best protect your family in the online world can be tough. For some help in this area, check out Dr. Bennet’s Screen Safety Toolkit which comes with recommendations, how-to information, and links to easy-to-onboard parental control systems. To combat the issue in California, lawmakers are proposing a bill that would allow the parents of children who have become addicted to social media apps to sue the companies that own them.[1]
Social Media Platform Duty to Children Act
The Social Media Platform Duty to Children Act, formally known as Assembly Bill 2408, is the latest in a string of political endeavors to crack down on the exploitation of children by social media companies. The bill was introduced to the California State Assembly by two bipartisan lawmakers, Democrat Buffy Wicks of Oakland and Republican Jordan Cunningham of Paso Robles and with support from the University of San Diego School of Law Children’s Advocacy Institute.[1] Its creation is likely a response to internal documents leaked by whistleblowers from prominent social media companies. The documents leaked provide evidence that some social media companies have been aware of the harmful effects of some of their practices and policies on children, yet they continue to implement them without safeguards.
For more information about screen addiction, how to spot it in your kids, and ways to combat it, order Dr. Tracy Bennet’s book, Screen Time in the Mean Time: A Parenting Guide to Get Kids and Teens Internet Safe. Dr. Bennett understands that technology is a helpful tool that is here to stay, but also recognizes that it imposes risks like screen addiction due to effective manipulative designs that hack our brains’ reward systems. Using her decades of expertise as a clinical psychologist and mom, Dr. B’s developed family-tested parenting strategies that will help you build the tools you need to help your family navigate today’s technological pitfalls.
Details, Penalties, and Exemptions
Information provided by the Children’s Advocacy Institute explains that, if passed, the bill would first obligate social media companies to avoid engaging in any practices or policies that are harmful or injurious to child users. This may include forcing the companies to eliminate or change design features or data collection practices that contribute to or promote addictive behaviors. If the companies fail to comply with these standards, parents and guardians will be empowered to seek legal action in the form of a lawsuit on behalf of their children who were harmed by the companies’ products.
According to the Institute, damages may potentially include $1,000 or more per child in a class-action suit or up to $25,000 per child per year in a civil penalty. The legislatures who introduced the bill speculate that companies will adopt a varied range of potential compliance solutions that may include changes to certain algorithms or simply not allow kids to sign up anymore. Additionally, representatives of the Institute state that there will be a provision that prevents responsible companies who take basic steps to avoid implementing practices, features, or policies that contribute to children’s addictions to their platforms. Further, social media companies that make less than $1oo million per year will be exempt from penalties.[1]
The Argument for Introducing the Bill
The two lawmakers behind the bill expressed their reasoning for introducing it during the State Assembly. Rep. Jordan Cunningham stated that tech companies willfully design their social media platforms and products with features that make kids and teens want to spend more and more time engaging with them to the point that they begin exhibiting addictive behaviors. He argues that tech companies should stop profiting from child harm and instead share in the cost of treating screen-addicted kids. Rep. Cunningham also explained that social media should be regulated the same way that any other products consumed by children are regulated and for the same reason, to keep them safe.[1]
Facebook Whistleblower
The most prominent whistleblower is a former data scientist at Facebook, Frances Haugen, who leaked internal documents containing evidence about Facebook’s extensive knowledge of Instagram’s negative effects on young girls’ body images. Facebook, which also owns Instagram, had compiled studies with alarming statistics. One such study found that 32% of teens said they felt worse about their bodies after using Instagram.[2]
In 2021, Haugen presented the documents during a congressional hearing during which several members expressed deep dissatisfaction with Facebook’s practices. Subcommittee Chair Richard Blumenthal stated that, despite being aware of these statistics, “Facebook exploited teens using powerful algorithms that amplified their insecurities.”[2] Haugen argued that lawmakers must examine the algorithms that drive popular features as well as the data collecting practices used by Facebook and Instagram. Assembly Bill 2408 aims to sidestep Section 230 which protects social media platforms from being liable for third-party content.
Thanks to CSUCI intern, Mackenzie Morrow for researching The Social Media Platform Duty to Children Act and co-authoring this article.
I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetKidsInternetSafe.
Do you find yourself wasting precious time and energy on your screen devices? Does consuming digital content distract you from connecting deeply with yourself, others, and nature? If so, you are not alone. The average American spends 5 hours a day on smartphones, and 61% admit to being addicted to the internet and their devices.[1]When researching this article, I was shocked to find that I may be an internet addict! So, I challenged myself to a week-long digital detox to better understand the benefits of managing time, forming deeper connections, and seeking fulfilling triggers for natural dopamine. If you’re hooked too, check out Dr. Bennett’s book, Screen Time in the Mean Time. She covers why our screens are so compelling and creative ways to break the spell. Screen Time in the Mean Timeis particularly critical for parents to assess the impacts that screen use has on their kids.
Digital Dopamine
The happiness we experience from eating ice cream on a hot summer day is similar to the happiness we experience from receiving notifications from our digital devices. Dopamine is responsible for that happiness. Dopamine is the feel-good chemical produced by our brain’s pleasure center that plays a starring role in motivation, desire, and behavior.[2]Dopamine gets released when we experience joy – like taking a bite of delicious food, having sex, exercising, or having fun talking to a friend. In an evolutionary context, dopamine rewards us for doing beneficial behaviors and motivates us to repeat them.[2]
Once dopamine is released, our brain craves more of the same or similar sources of stimuli. Smartphones provide a virtually unlimited supply of social stimuli, positive and negative. Every notification, whether it’s a text message or a “like” on Instagram or Facebook, has the potential for gushing dopamine.[2] However, most of us agree that digital dopamine feels more artificial than the dopamine released during real-life magical moments. If we restrict addictive digital habits that lead to dopamine dependency, we’ll train our brains to be at peace and content without distraction for longer durations. Contentment without distraction leads to less stress overall and more productivity.
What is a digital detox?
The Oxford Dictionary defines digital detox as, “A period of time during which a person refrains from using electronic devices such as smartphones or computers, regarded as an opportunity to reduce stress or focus on social interaction in the physical world.”[3]
According to Psychology Today, a digital detox does not always mean complete abstinence. Many people use their digital devices for essential business, educational, and familial purposes.[4]
Do you need to do a digital detox?
Do you …
feel anxious or stressed if you can’t find your phone?
feel compelled to check your phone every few minutes?
feel depressed, anxious, or angry after spending time on social media?
get preoccupied with the like, comment, or reshare counts on your social media posts?
feel afraid that you’ll miss something if you don’t keep checking your device?
often find yourself staying up late or getting up early to play on your phone?
have trouble concentrating on one thing without having to check your phone?
experience a low self-image due to comparing yourself to others online?
not spend enough time moving around or engaging in exercising or mind/body-related activities?
watch screens while eating meals, resulting in disoriented eating patterns which can lead to weight gain or restrictive eating habits.?[5]
If several of these issues apply to you, consider challenging yourself to a detox!
My Digital Detox Experience
On day one of my digital detox, I felt uncomfortable, yet relieved, from my sense of detachment. I knew I was missing out on online conversations, content, news, and media. But I didn’t mind because I was spending time on outlets that drew me closer to my life instead. My attention and focus improved. I also noticed instant behavior, mood, and energy enhancements. I felt more productive, efficient, and happily regulated.
My quality of sleep also improved significantly! Before my detox, I was on my phone late at night or first thing in the morning due to an influx of demanding notifications. That often tanked my mood moment one. Once detoxed though, I didn’t feel the need to check on what other people were doing because I was entirely focused on what I was doing. I also felt more self-confident because I wasn’t comparing myself to everybody else’s perfect selfies, relationships, and amazing vacations.
Don’t get me wrong, I was tempted! Especially in those boring moments. But after a while, I learned to happily pick up a book, go for a walk, make home-cooked meals, play with my dogs, or journal. These activities released natural and rewarding dopamine throughout my mind, body, and soul.
Overall, after my week-long digital detox, I preferred to stay disconnected. Now two weeks later, I feel more focused, connected, healthy, and happy! I feel empowered having broken that dependence on instant gratification, media engagements, and feedback.
The Benefits of a Digital Detox
Engaging in hobbies that release yummy dopamine in the brain
More time to get things done
Happy and steadied mood
Self-focused rather than the compare and despair of social media
Better eating, sleeping, and thinking patterns
How To Get Started
Pay attention to your emotions when you use your phone.
Schedule breaks from phone
Use apps to track usage
Disconnect at night before bed to wind down
Turn off notifications or put them on a later home screen on your phone
Time spent online– individuals who aim to abstain from digital devices during certain times of the day, or even certain days of the week can schedule a digital curfew. For example, no usage after 9 PM, or no usage on Sundays. Such strategies are helpful for ensuring productivity during the day and better sleep and rest at night.
Digital-free Spaces- Some British pubs have enacted a ‘no phones, no laptops, no tablets’ policy to encourage social conversation. Similarly, some people have started specifying digital-free spaces in their own homes. This commonly includes spaces such as the bedroom or the dinner table.
Alternatives. Many people are using social media and digital devices to fill a social void. A successful digital detox will create free time for alternative activities, which may better fill this void. Individuals can create an action plan in this regard, which may include rekindling old interests, pursuing new hobbies, or volunteering for a sense of fulfillment.
GKIS Courses Can Help
Our Screen Safety Essential Course gives you access to the tools and resources that you need to safely navigate today’s world. Our Essentials Course grants you instant access to useful videos, workshops, articles, and more.
Screen Time in the Mean Time is the parenting guide needed in this digital age. Dr. B’s book provides tangible ways to keep your family safe and connected while utilizing technology.
Our GKIS Social Media Readiness Course allows teens an opportunity to start taking accountability for their actions online and become proactive instead of reactive.
Our GKIS Screen Safety Toolkit is a resource guide perfect for those that need smart tech tools for filtering, monitoring, and management plus some time to find workarounds.
Thanks to CSUCI intern Haley Begun for researching and co-authoring this article about the signs and benefits of a needed digital detox!
I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetKidsInternetSafe.
Ninety-eight percent of American homes with kids under eight years old have a mobile screen device.[1] Often children as young as three years old have their own! These bright, glowing, pieces of technology are incredibly attractive for the developing mind, so it’s no wonder kids may feel agitated, bored, or stressed when they must put it down and get to homework. Tantrums at the end of screen time may be a sign of screen addiction. If you worry your child has the potential for screen addiction, empower yourself with the knowledge and expertise provided through Dr. Bennett’s Screen Safety Essentials Course. This program offers weekly parent and family-oriented coaching videos designed to provide you with the information, tips, and tricks that the modern family needs to use screens while staying safe and connected. Today’s article offers 3 GKIS recommended tips to effectively deal with these symptoms.
Hyperarousal & Screen Addiction
Immersing oneself with a screen device is associated with hyperarousal of our nervous system.[2] This type of arousal is associated with irritability in adults and tantrums in children.
Following hyperarousal, the brain attempts to return to balance with an opposite response. Sometimes this results in fatigue and low energy – as in “what goes up must come down.” Some consider this crash to be evidence of addictive withdrawal.
If your child is allowed too much screen time, especially with intense content, expect a tantrum followed by fatigue. Further, if a child repeatedly undergoes this neurological rollercoaster unchecked, excessive screen time can result in chronic mental health conditions.
A study by Anita Restrepo and colleagues analyzed 564 children and their screen usage. They found that the children with problematic internet use suffered from higher rates of sleep disturbance, depressive episodes, and a reduction in healthy behavior.[3] Gaming addiction symptoms, such as feelings of loss of control and play despite negative consequences to school and relationships, can also result from unchecked screen time.
Dr. Tracy Bennett developed the Social Media Readiness Course to empower tweens and teens to employ wellness strategies themselves. Utilizing these techniques backed by research and experience by Dr. B’s 25+ years in the field will aid in retraining your kid’s brain. Our course not only teaches screen use moderation but also offers important information about potential sources of digital injury and critical psychological wellness tools.
Validation and Support
If your child is demonstrating severe meltdowns after screen time, yelling at them will only escalate the situation. Instead, coach emotional stabilization by validating their experience (“You must feel really out of control right now”) and coaching them to calm down. Supportive teamwork teaches important wellness skills, builds problem-solving and resilience, and ultimately results in greater autonomy and less conflict and resentment.
Psychologists Shin and Kim analyzed two types of parenting approaches with screen use among 303 parents. Active mediation emphasizes family discussions about screen use. Restrictive mediation emphasizes one-sided rule-setting for screen devices. Families that use active mediation demonstrated better outcomes than those who preferred restrictive mediation.[4]
When a child is involved in family decision-making, they are given a greater sense of confidence and autonomy. As a result, they have a lower chance of developing resentment.[5] Completing a digital contract, like our free GKIS Connected Family Screen Agreement, is an awesome way to get started with cooperative dialogue and accountability!
Providing Incentive
Following through with priorities and practicing work before play are important life skills. This can be challenging for children when online work feels tedious, boring, and lacks a clear payoff. If your child seems to lose steam and get distracted with online work, rewarding effort with incentives can be helpful.
A study by Radhakrishnan and colleagues looking at 201 students found that giving incentives to complete homework increased their performance and completion rates.[6] Incentives can be material like a new toy, or experiential like a family picnic.
Material incentives are great occasionally but try not to let this be the only motivator that keeps your kid going. Dr. Bennett finds that kids habituate quickly from material rewards and they fail to work overtime. She says family activities celebrating your kid’s hard work well-done ends up working far better, especially when utilizing reward charts and checklists like the Bennett Boxes technique found in her book Screen Time in the Mean Time.
Don’t Give In
Children are incredibly clever at implementing pester power. Pester power wears us down until we cave and give in to their demands for toys, games, and screen time. Sometimes we might simply be exhausted and give them a “fine, 30 more minutes.” But what just happened there is a learning moment for your child. They learn that by bugging you incessantly, they will be rewarded
This parent-child dynamic exemplifies intermittent reinforcement, which means that a behavior that is rewarded occasionally will dramatically increase that behavior—just like with gambling. Once a behavior has been reinforced in this way, it’s more difficult to “undo” it later.[7]
To avoid this trap, stick to your rules with consistency and follow-through. This teaches your child that they can trust your word, and it’s not worth the fight to argue.
Thanks to CSUCI intern, Avery Flower for researching effective ways to deal with behavioral issues, and for co-authoring this article.
I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetKidsInternetSafe.
[1] Common Sense Media. (2017). The Common Sense Census: Media Use By Kids Age Zero to Eight. Retrieved from https://www.commonsensemedia.org/sites/default/files/uploads/research/csm_zerotoeight_fullreport_release_2.pdf
[3] Restrepo, A., Scheininger, T., Clucas, J., Alexander, L., Salum, G. A., Georgiades, K., Paksarian, D., Merikangas, K. R., & Milham, M. P. (2020). Problematic internet use in children and adolescents: Associations with psychiatric disorders and impairment. BMC Psychiatry, 20. https://doi-org.ezproxy.csuci.edu/10.1186/s12888-020-02640-x
[4] Shin, W., & Kim, H. K. (2019). What motivates parents to mediate children’s use of smartphones? An application of the theory of planned behavior. Journal of Broadcasting & Electronic Media, 63(1), 144–159. https://doi-org.ezproxy.csuci.edu/10.1080/08838151.2019.1576263
[5] Roth, G., Assor, A., Niemiec, C. P., Ryan, R. M., & Deci, E. L. (2009). The emotional and academic consequences of parental conditional regard: Comparing conditional positive regard, conditional negative regard, and autonomy support as parenting practices. Developmental Psychology, 45(4), 1119–1142. https://doi-org.ezproxy.csuci.edu/10.1037/a0015272
[6] Radhakrishnan, P., Lam, D., & Ho, G. (2009). Giving university students incentives to do homework improves their performance. Journal of Instructional Psychology, 36(3), 219–225.
Thanks to CSUCI intern, Katherine Carroll for researching “going viral” and its effect on the brain and self-esteem.
