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GKIS Now More Than EVER!

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In a time of online learning your child’s safety is vital, and GKIS is needed more than ever. Enjoy a highlight of Dr. B’s News Reels! With over 25 years in private practice, Dr. Bennett is seeing more families in crisis due to internet safety problems. To prevent digital injury, she developed GetKidsInternetSafe.com! When it’s your kids ON-the-LINE GetKidsInternetSafe.com

Link to Screen Safety Essentials Course 👇

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A Day At The Office

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Join us in a special Vlog style episode where Dr. Tracy Bennett visits her CSUCI office after a year of in-home schooling due to COVID-19. Tune in and get to know  more about Cal State Channel Islands. www.GetKidsInternetSafe.com In over 25 years of practice, Dr. Bennett is seeing more families in crisis due to Internet safety problems. To help families prevent digital injury, she developed GetKidsInternetSafe.com! When it’s your kids ON-the-LINE GetKidsInternetSafe.com

Link to the Screen Safety Essentials Course 👇

https://getkidsinternetsafe.com/essentials-course/​

Link to Website 👇

https://getkidsinternetsafe.com​

Link to Book 👇

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/099…​

Follow Our Social Media:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drtracybenn…​

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/GetKidsInter…​

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Virtual Anxiety

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“I can’t breathe, and my chest is killing me. My heart is racing. Am I having a heart attack? I am sweating, trembling, and dizzy. I think I’m going to vomit. My thoughts are racing. Have I gone crazy? What is wrong with me?” If this sounds familiar, you are probably one of three adults in the U.S. who has had an anxiety attack. Screens can have a significant effect on our levels of anxiety, but how?

What  is anxiety?

In my 25+ years of clinical practice, I have treated many kids, teens, and adults with anxiety disorders. Since the advent of mobile screen technology, we have seen prevalence numbers increase dramatically. Twenty-five percent of 13- to 18-year-olds have mild to moderate anxiety with the median age of onset at 11 years old.[1]

There are five major types of anxiety disorder.

  • Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) is characterized by chronic worry about things that don’t warrant that level of concern.
  • Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is characterized by recurrent, intrusive thoughts and repetitive ritualistic behaviors, like counting, tapping, washing, or checking.
  • Panic Disorder (PD) is a chronic dread of having a panic attack, which feels like intense fear and trouble breathing, heart racing, and dizziness.
  • Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is typically triggered by a terrifying ordeal.
  • Social Phobia (SP) causes people to withdraw due to extreme self-consciousness or embarrassment around others and a fear of being scrutinized or judged.

How Screens Can Trigger Clinical Anxiety Symptoms

Generalized Anxiety Disorder

Screens can be distracting and lead to wasted time and poor work performance. Not only do kids worry about those missed assignments, but too many hours of online learning can put them in a state of irritable exhaustion. In Dr. Bennett’s book, Screen Time in the Mean Time, she details how multitasking, which refers to interrupting one task to attend to another (like social media notifications during homework), burns brain fuel at a rapid rate – leading to mental brownout.[2] Mental brownout can lead one to feel hopeless and helpless, which can lead to chronic worry about … just about everything.

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder

Keeping up with the Jones’s (or Kardashian’s) on social media can lead to obsessive scrolling and compulsive checking. We’ve all seen the notorious #GymSelfie or #FoodPorn that pops up on our news feed. Then there’s the #OutfitOfTheDay, #MCM (man crush Monday), #WCW (woman crush Wednesday), or your #TBT (throwback Thursday). Keeping up can feel overwhelming.

As Dr. B says in her article “Teaching Kids the Brain Traps of Video Games May Break the Spell,” “likes” are designed to tap into our evolutionarily-reinforced need to please our tribe – also called social capital. She elaborates, “When that notification pops up on our smartphone that somebody liked our post, we get a slight euphoria.”

Getting the likes makes us want more (compulsive use patterns), and not getting the likes can send us into compare and despair. Big tech is aware of this and plays on our psychology to keep our eyes on the screen. Our attention has been commodified (meaning that data about our online behaviors is for sale because it has value to marketers). The more we stay on screen, the more we fall victim to ads and the compulsion to buy.

Panic Disorder

Panic attacks happen when the autonomic nervous system, our survival center, gets triggered too easily. Poor self-care (like not sleeping, eating well, exercising, or socializing) can make us vulnerable having panic attacks. Dr. B says video games are also programmed to jack up your autonomic nervous system, which can lead to panic attacks.

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

In our GKIS article, “Live Streaming Can Cause PTSD in Adults and Children,” we detailed how watching live-streamed videos on social media and Youtube can lead to debilitating trauma symptoms. It’s critical to consider that screen content matters as much as, if not more than, screen time.

Social Phobia

It doesn’t take much imagination to consider that social media can lead to fear of excessive social scrutiny.  Dr. B writes about the normal adolescent defense called the imaginary audience. She writes, “Teens can become extremely focused on their looks and very self-conscious, convinced that EVERYBODY is looking at them. As a result, they pay meticulous attention to clothing, makeup, hairstyle, body shape, and mannerisms. It’s as if they are carefully cultivating their brand to fit in and stand out among admired peers. Although imaginary audience has been observed among adolescents throughout history, social media may exacerbate anxiety. I believe compulsive urges to take perfect selfies are a healthy expression of the imaginary audience rather than the pathology of narcissism.”

It didn’t happen if you didn’t post it.

There is a popular saying that if you didn’t post about it, it didn’t really happen. Many teens are more invested in their virtual lives than they are in their non-virtual lives. This makes sense considering they spend more waking time on screen than they do off-screen!

Teen life often happens in a snapshot and not much else. Our kids are spending time at events, the beach, and vacation looking for that split moment to capture a picture guaranteeing them likes from their followers. Conversations are “Uh-huh” and “Mm, sure” without eye contact. Screen time is the master, and we’ve grown to accept that that is “just what teens do these days.”

Social media can become a shrine of a person’s life, and if it is subpar, that person’s life seems subpar. Sound extreme? It is, and it is real. The pressure to be perceived in a certain way can consume our minds and impact self-esteem. A Canadian study found that the more time spent on screens, the higher the risk of developing anxiety in children.[3] Screen addiction is proving to be a real concern rather than a minor annoyance.

Driven to Distraction

Anxiety has the potential to impact not only the quality of time spent with family and friends but may also sever the most important relationship of all, the one with ourselves. Self-worth goes down, anxiety shifts to depression, and all because we judge others and ourselves through the safety of a screen, hidden in anonymity, and supported by strangers.

It can happen to anybody. 

A child therapist friend of mine shared with me that she recently deleted all social media apps off her phone. She said she felt social media was consuming her and ultimately the cause of a lot of anxieties. Between clients, she browsed Facebook and Instagram instead of doing her mandatory briefings. Her briefings would get stacked up for weeks. Ultimately, this would contribute to her unease. This is a professional in mental health, one whom we would like to think could find a good balance. Now imagine your teenager…

What can we do about it?

Identify the triggers and recognize that you may be powerless against them without cutting down on screen time.

Set reasonable parameters.

Use time management and blocking apps.

Learn cognitive behavioral coping skills like breathing, mindfulness, cognitive restructuring, and meditation

Make your nonvirtual life more enriching

Thank you to Chad Flores for helping us recognize how screens may contribute to anxiety.

Photo Credits

Photo by Anthony Tran on Unsplash

Photo by Kat J on Unsplash

Photo by freestocks.org on Unsplash

Works Cited

[1] The Rising Epidemic of Anxiety in Children and Teens

[2] Buy Dr. Bennett’s Book- Screen Time in the Mean Time: A Parenting Guide to get Kids and Teens Internet Safe

[3] Maras, D., Flament, M. F., Murray, M., Buchholz, A., Henderson, K. A., Obeid, N., & Goldfield, G. S. (2015). Screen time is associated with depression and anxiety in Canadian youth. Preventive Medicine: An International Journal Devoted To Practice And Theory, 73133-138. doi:10.1016/j.ypmed.2015.01.029

My BFF is My Smartphone

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In a generation that places social media “likes” at a higher importance than registering to vote, it’s no surprise that screen technology has become critical to friendship and entertainment. As my father would say, “We have the world at our fingertips.” Not only can we research smart investments, how to cook a Thanksgiving dinner, or recent celebrity exploits, we can escape into social media. The virtual lives of teens can be particularly consuming as they constantly craft and brand their virtual selves. Self-presentation and self-disclosure are among the major reasons teens use social media.[1]

Studies have found that unmanaged screen time can deteriorate real-life interpersonal relationships and can lead to social isolation. This is not to suggest that we must go screen-free. Instead, we at GKIS encourage parents to support their kids and teens to best navigate a positive screen-using experience. Signing up for the Free GKIS Connected Family Agreement is a valuable first step towards learning how to properly monitor technology usage while developing a trusting and loving environment for families.

Our Connected Family Agreement isn’t just a digital contract. It’s a flexible blueprint that will lead your family into important discussions about what to look out for and what’s expected. After all, if we don’t have an agreement and learn to talk about screen use, even sensible management rules won’t make sense. Parents will get mad, and kids will get in trouble too often. None of us want that.

Topics our agreement covers include

  • taking inventory of online activities,
  • how to “love and protect” online as well as offline,
  • how to maintain honesty and transparency,
  • screen smarts and digital permanence,
  • and digital citizenship, online reputation, and netiquette.

When you sign up on our GetKidsInternetSafe home page, you’ll receive the child and teen versions of the Connected Family Agreement in your email. Today’s GKIS article covers issues to keep an eye out for as teens launch their lifetime relationships with tech.

Media Multitasking

Media multitasking is the use of different media simultaneously, for example, listening to music while playing a video game or texting while watching a movie. Research shows that media multitasking can lead to performance decline due to an overload of cognitive resources. Too much time spent in mental brownout can lead to mental illnesses like depression or anxiety. To learn more about media multitasking, check out our GKIS article Smartphones During Homework?

Social Media’s Effects on Friendship

Psychology research has also explored how smartphones affect friendship quality and face-to-face interactions. Here are the findings:

  • People rely heavily on social media to develop and maintain relationships with family and friends.[4]
  • Teens tend to move towards a group that is highly susceptible to negative psychological and behavioral outcomes from social media use.[5]
  • Teens who obsessively engage in self-presentation on social media may be more susceptible to psychological stress.[6]
  • Adolescents who appreciate having greater control over message content may prefer smartphone communication rather than face-to-face because they are allowed more time to edit response when behind a screen.[7]
  • In 2013, college students reported lower feelings of trust and empathetic understanding when there was a smartphone in the room, especially when intimate topics were being discussed.[8]
  • In 2014, women reported that mobile devices frequently interrupted quality time with romantic partners, and the more frequent interruptions, the lower their relationship satisfaction.[9]
  • Some teens seek media to help cope with negative emotional states.[10]
  • Friends who get distracted by their smartphones are more likely to report poor conversations and decreased access to emotional cues, which could reduce their opportunities to build a long-term mature sense of intimacy.[11]
  • Internet use has been associated with depression and suicidal ideation between the ages of 13 and 18.[12]

The distractions imposed by smartphones are of great concern considering that intimacy development is a critical skill in emerging adulthood.[13]

Internalizing Behaviors to Look Out For

Depression and anxiety are among the leading internalizing behavior diagnoses for teens.[14]

Behaviors to look out for include:

  • Withdrawing from friends and family
  • Feeling sad
  • Feeling lonely
  • Being nervous or irritable
  • Not talking
  • Feeling afraid
  • Having concentration problems
  • Feeling unloved or unwanted
  • Sleeping or eating more or less than usual[15]

What type of parental monitoring leads to the best results?

Research has shown that parental media monitoring can be effective at reducing the negative effects of media.[16]

  • Active monitoring refers to media-based conversations reviewing what content the teen is allowed to view and post.
  • Restrictive monitoring refers to parents imposing restrictions around the amount of screen time teens are allowed.
  • Supportive restrictive media monitoring refers to a parent placing limits on their child’s media use but also taking the time to explain why the rule is important and engaging in mutual feedback in setting rules and limits.

Active monitoring is the most effective type or parental monitoring for promoting autonomy (the child making good independent decisions) because the parent encourages open conversation. This approach promotes critical thinking about the differences between the on-screen world and the real world. When a teen can take charge of their media usage, they are better equipped to engage in critical thinking and learn to make decisions about technology based on internalized values, rather than being instructed by their parents.

Autonomy-supportive approaches are associated with lower levels of depression and anxiety. Whereas controlling parenting styles can encourage teens to spend more time on their smartphones as an escape to express themselves. Teens may not feel comfortable enough to open up to their parents and are more likely to internalize problems instead of reaching out to parents for support.

Overall, teens of all ages can benefit from screen-use rules and limits if they are conducted constructively. We encourage parents to allow enough space for their kids to develop their sense of identity and the free will to make their own decisions. With the help of Screen Time in the Mean Time: A Parenting Guide to Get Kids Internet Safe, you can learn how to properly monitor and protect your teens while still allowing a sense of autonomy. Our goal at GKIS is to prevent issues that may come up related to screen use before treatment is necessary.

Thanks to Isabel Campos for her research and help with writing this article.

Although parenting in the digital world may seem impossible, taking time to understand and learn will allow parents to better connect and relate to their teens. Interested in sharing this information and additional findings with other parents? Be sure to follow GKIS on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter for more.

I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetKidsInternetSafe.

Onward to More Awesome Parenting,

Tracy S. Bennett, Ph.D.
Mom, Clinical Psychologist, CSUCI Adjunct Faculty
GetKidsInternetSafe.com

Photo Credits

Photo by Dmitriy Tyukov on Unsplash
Photo by Gian Cescon on Unsplash
Photo by LinkedIn Sales Navigator on Unsplash
Photo by Casey Chae on Unsplash

Works Cited

[1](Charoensukmongkol, 2018)

[2](Padilla-Walker, Stockdale, & McLean, 2019)

[3](Abeele, Schouten, & Antheunis,2017)

[4](Charoensukmongkol, 2018)

[5](Charoensukmongkol, 2018)

[6](Charoensukmongkol, 2018)

[7](Abeele, Schouten, & Antheunis,2017)

[8](Przybylski & Weinstein, 2013)

[9](McDaniel, Coyne, 2014)

[10](Padilla-Walker, Stockdale, & McLean, 2019)

[11](Brown, Manago, & Trimble, 2016)

[12](Padilla-Walker, Stockdale, & McLean, 2019)

[13](Padilla-Walker, Stockdale, & McLean, 2019)

[14](National Institute of Mental Health, 2016)

[15](DiMaria, 2018, June 24)

[16](Padilla-Walker, Stockdale, & McLean, 2019)

6 Reasons to Subscribe to GetKidsInternetSafe

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Dear Parents,

Do you worry that you allow too much, or too little, screen time for your kids?

Have you read about digital injuries, like interaction with Internet predators, screen addiction, and neck and spine deformities, and worry you don’t know enough to spot risk in time to intervene?

Do you yell, punish, and lecture too often trying to keep them from doing what they beg to do online?

I did too! That’s why I started GetKidsInternetSafe 7 years ago. Yes, even psychologists find parenting challenging – especially nowadays with teens. When I started this legacy project, I was heartbroken and overwhelmed when my dad died and my mom succumbed to dementia. To get everything done and keep my kids happy, I was relying too much on Minecraft. The parents in my practice were doing the same…at the expense of the kids. I started to get freaked out.

But when I looked for digital safety tools and parenting strategies online for support, the best I could find was Dr. Phil saying to supervise all child screen use – as in, sit with them every time they were on screen. Because we all know that can’t happen, I did a deep-dive in the research, created my own screen safety parenting programs based on my 25+ years of momming and working with families, pooled resources of friends and colleagues, and founded GetKidsInternetSafe. Every day, I hear from families just like ours  telling me how much they needed it and how much they appreciate it! A feel-good project, indeed.

If you who have been with me from the beginning, THANK YOU! I’ve appreciated your support more than you know. And for those who are new to GKIS or considering subscribing, you’ll want to know what’s happening with GKIS these days!

As a subscriber,

1. You receive your free Connected Family Screen Agreement, designed to inform and inspire you to cooperatively connect as a family and set reasonable and sensible online safety guidelines for kids and teens. It’s delivered in 4 weekly chunks so you don’t get overloaded. Slow, steady, and fun is the goal.

 

2.  You get a free quick-read article once a week with fun resources, parenting tips, and valuable info about screen use risks to look out for. Please comment and share when inspired. so we can build as a community! (If you prefer emails less often, just let me know).

 

3. You are the first to know when I publish content through third parties (like Facebook’s parent portal, Healthy Living Magazine, The Good Men Project), interview on the radio or on podcasts, or appear on national and local news and entertainment channels.

 

4. You are the first to learn about new offers, like books, workbooks, online parenting courses, screen agreement supplements, workshops, and coaching! All different depths and price-points so you can build a GKIS mastery level that fits you best!

 

5. You can track where I am speaking so you can attend an Internet safety or parenting presentation!

 

6. Not only do I offer individual and group coaching, but I often answer questions and post content on my GetKidsInternetSafe Facebook page and my DrTracyBennett Instagram page!

And of course, I never share your information with anyone. Please let me know if there’s anything you want to learn more about (or just to say hi!) by emailing me at DrTracy@DrTracyBennett.com.

 

Thanks again for being part of the GKIS community!

I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetKidsInternetSafe.

Onward to More Awesome Parenting,

Tracy S. Bennett, Ph.D.
Mom, Clinical Psychologist, CSUCI Adjunct Faculty

The FOMO EFFECT: How Fun Friend Posts Can Lead to Clinical Anxiety

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We’ve all been there. Stuck at work, school, or home. We pick up our phones and click on Instagram. There’s BFF Julie on her amazing trip to Japan – 150 likes in 42 minutes. Then check out Twitter. There’s co-worker Andrew’s fun video of an amazing concert at the coolest venue in town. His text post fetched 27 comments. “Wow! That looks so fun!” “I’m so glad I ran into you last night!” “Did you get the pictures I sent you?” You put your phone down and instantly get hit with a wave of sadness. Everybody seems to be having more fun than you. Are you going about life all wrong?

FOMO

FOMO or “fear of missing out” is a form of social anxiety in response to seeing activities streamed on social media. These feelings can blossom into immediate disappointment or long-term feelings of inadequacy. You know you should be happy. You’re ashamed of it. But still … people who experience FOMO the most tend to be extremely active on social media sites like Instagram, Snapchat, and Facebook.[1]

Who suffers from FOMO?

Although FOMO adversely affects all ages, recent studies conclude that FOMO is most common among teens. Nearly 60% of teenagers experience anxiety when they become aware of plans being made without them or can’t get ahold of their friends. Another 63% are upset when they have to cancel plans with friends.[2] Among the other age groups, an overwhelming 61% of subjects aged 18-34 state they have more than one social media account, while 27% state they check their Facebook feeds immediately upon awakening.[3]

FOMO Risks

  • Compulsive social media checking that gets in the way of everyday activities and leads to texting and driving, like “snap and drive” which is careless driving while Snapchatting.
  • The inability to prioritize important responsibilities over fun social media posting.
  • Posting shocking activities like binge drinking and drug use.
  • Spending lots of money to post expensive designer items.[4]
  • The constant need to feed is a surefire way to develop feelings of inadequacy and anxiety. FOMO makes us feel lonelier, inferior, and less successful.[5]

Reducing FOMO Anxiety

Get real.

A fun post here and there is not reflective of the “perfect” life. Everybody hurts sometimes, even the pretty ones.

Cop to it.

Once you admit to it, it’s easier to control it and create a plan of action to work through it.[6]

Be in the present.

Practice mindfulness techniques like anchoring – attending to your current surroundings, what you see, feel, hear, smell, and your breathing.[7]

Recommit to your nonvirtual life.

Pet that dog you always see on your way to school or work. Stop and smell the flowers. Read a book in the park. Give yourself ample time to finally finish that term paper or work project. Commit to doing one of those today, right now!

Temporarily detox.

If momentary disconnection is a struggle, delete apps off your phone and use psychological wellness app support. Cool detox apps include Moment, Flipd, and Forest. Detox apps offer fun and clever incentives to get off your phone. For instance, Forest incites you to not open social media by illustrating breaks with forest growth and how large and lush and large you can grow your forest.[8]

Seek counseling.

If all else fails, talk it out. Since FOMO is seen as a cognitive distortion, cognitive behavioral therapy has been shown to be highly effective by offering thought-reconstructing tools. In other words, identifying stinking thinking and replacing it with can-do thinking can greatly improve mood and feelings of well-being.[9] Fewer social media posts may mean a fulfilling life is being lived off-camera rather than no life happening at all.

Thank you to Tammy Castaneda for contributing to this GKIS article. Fomo is becoming an increasing problem for kids and adolescents. If your child is still in elementary school, hold off until middle school before you allow their first social media app. If your teen showing problematic behavior, take action. To prevent clinical symptoms related to screen use, check out our  GKIS Connected Family Online Course. In 10 easy steps, you can learn how to encourage healthy screen habits and a happier household.

I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetKidsInternetSafe.

Onward to More Awesome Parenting,

Tracy S. Bennett, Ph.D.
Mom, Clinical Psychologist, CSUCI Adjunct Faculty
GetKidsInternetSafe.com

Works Cited

[1] Barker, E. (2016, June 07). How to Overcome FOMO: Fear of Missing Out. Retrieved September 12, 2018, from http://time.com/4358140/overcome-fomo/

[2]Teens suffer highest rates of FOMO. (n.d.). Retrieved September 14, 2018, from https://www.psychology.org.au/news/media_releases/8Nov2015-fomo/

[3]Murphy, S. (2013, July 09). Report: 56% of Social Media Users Suffer From FOMO. Retrieved September 12, 2018, from https://mashable.com/2013/07/09/fear-of-missing-   out/#Rq7CGeSlYiqb

[4]What is FOMO? (And How the Fear of Missing Out Limits Your Personal Success). (2018,   July 27). Retrieved September 14, 2018, from https://www.developgoodhabits.com/fear-of-missing-out/

[5]The Fomo Health Factor. (n.d.). Retrieved September 12, 2018, from https://www.psychoogytoday.com/us/blog/media-spotlight/201611/the-fomo-health-factor

[6]Tips to Get Over Your FOMO, or Fear of Missing Out. (n.d.). Retrieved September 16, 2018, from https://adaa.org/learn-from-us/from-the-experts/blog-posts/consumer/tips-get-over- your-fomo-or-fear-missing-out

[7]Guerra, J. (2018, August 24). Science Says Some People Struggle With FOMO More Than    Others, So Here’s How To Cope. Retrieved September 18, 2018, from      https://www.elitedaily.com/p/how-to-deal-with-fomo-if-youre-someone-whos-easily-affected-by-it-according-to-science-8880093

[8]Forest. (n.d.). Retrieved September 17, 2018, from https://www.forestapp.cc/en/

[9Staff, G. (2016, April 14). Overcoming FOMO: What Fuels Your Fear of Missing Out? Retrieved September 17, 2018, from https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/overcoming-fomo-what-fuels-your-fear-of-missing-out-0418167

                                                            Photo Credits

photo by Daria Nepriakhina on Unsplash

Photo by Gaelle Marcel on Unsplash

Photo by Jessica Castro on Unsplash

Photo by Maid Milinkic on Unsplash

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

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