parenting

Parents of Student Athletes Struggle to Cope with Critical Tweets

May 16, 2023 by Keith Ferries

If you are a parent reading this, you understand how much we care about our children. Thirty-seven percent of kids have been a victim of cyberbullying, and 30% have reported cyberbullying to be an ongoing situation.[1] When we think of cyberbullying, we think of one teenager making online comments about another teen. But imagine a situation where your young adult child is repeatedly having to endure nasty remarks from other adults like it is in the case of college athletes. Some argue that is part of the fame. But is it also part of childhood? We don’t think so at GKIS. For that reason, we created our Social Media Readiness Course for tweens and teens to help your kids recognize the signs of online abuse and how to avoid it. Today’s GKIS article covers what parents of college athletes may encounter on Twitter as well as how to counterbalance the negativity.

Social Media in the Lives of College Athletes

In our GKIS article “When Young Athletes Look to Twitter to Showcase Talent and Track Sports News: An Inside Look,” we discussed the role social media plays in a young athlete’s life and how they learn to cope with it.
Our interviewee John said he learned how to detox from social media on occasion and also how to use cyberbullying as motivation. But when you’re a parent and hear something being said negatively toward your child, even if your child is an adult, it’s hard not to take that personally. There’s no protection from it, and if you jump to their aid online, it might ultimately harm them. College and professional teams don’t want to deal with online drama coming from parents. But sometimes, enough is enough…or is it?

When Parents Can’t Take the Online Attacks Anymore

Randi Mahomes, the mother of Super Bowl champion Patrick Mahomes, took to Twitter in 2021 to express her displeasure at a hit her son took from an opposing player. Arguably, she is in a reasonable position to speak her mind whether we agree with it or not because her son is already playing at the highest level.

But our division one college football player John’s parents weren’t so lucky. If someone was displeased with how John played a game and tweeted, “I hope your dog eats chocolate and gets really sick and throws up on your socks.”[2] (a tweet 7-time Superbowl champion Tom Brady once got), John’s parents must idly stand by and watch people sling mud at their child.

John’s mother Mary recalls, “The hardest one was seeing a tweet saying John was a ‘piece of shit’ after he had a bad game. Most of the time, I would listen to John and let it be, but I couldn’t with that comment. I had to speak my mind and tweet back.” She elaborated, “A few Twitter exchanges went back and forth, and then I let it go after speaking my mind.”

Mary said that some situations were more complicated than others, and she recalls many days being in tears over Twitter comments. She said a particularly hard day was when they read on Twitter that the college John had decided to go with unexpectedly selected a different quarterback. The tweet went out before John ever got a personal call saying the spot that he was offered was no longer available. It was heartbreaking, considering that he had turned down other offers in favor of this one, some of those offers were no longer available. After many conversations with the college scout prior to the tweet that seemed like a guarantee is followed with silence, it was hurtful.

Mary said, “About 80% of the time, the tweets were very positive. John had a good record, so it was more good than bad.” She said she still uses Twitter because she has other interests in the app, not just sports. Her husband, however, has since deleted the app now that their son is done with his athletic college career.

Parents are proud of their children and love to hear positive things. They don’t want to read tweets from strangers saying how their child isn’t trying hard enough or how they lost the big game for the team. Parents see firsthand how much their child loves the game, how hard they work, and how much sacrifice they give up competing at a top level. Because online education starts with parents, we created our Screen Safety Essentials Course for parents and families. Knowing what troubles lurk online will help parents teach their kids what they need to know to avoid digital injury and problem-solve through difficult online situations.

Other Ideas for How to Work Around Unwanted Negativity

Take regular breaks from social media. Our GKIS article, Start Fall Fresh With a Cleansing Digital Detox is a great article to help you take that first step.
Keep a positive dialogue going with your child about the pressures that arise from being an athlete with anonymous fans.
Adopt our free Connected Family Agreement, a simple tool that sets reasonable online limits and feeds a cooperative family alliance when it comes to online decisions.
Filter and manage online content with our Screen Safety Toolkit. This resource guide helps you build a customized set of parental controls for filtering and monitoring online content.
Set designated times throughout the week when everyone spends time together without their devices. Share about your offline and online lives to stay connected.

Thanks to C SUCI intern Keith Ferries for doing the research and writing this article.

I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetKidsInternetSafe.

Onward to More Awesome Parenting,

Tracy S. Bennett, Ph.D.
Mom, Clinical Psychologist, CSUCI Adjunct Faculty
GetKidsInternetSafe.com

*Mary is a fictional name to maintain anonymity.

Works Cited

[1] Patchin, J. W., Ph.D. (2019, July 9). 2019 Cyberbullying Data. https://cyberbullying.org/2019-cyberbullying-data

[2] Kimble, L. (2021, February 5). Tom Brady Reads Mean Tweets About Himself Ahead of Super Bowl 2021. People.com. https://people.com/sports/super-bowl-2021-tom-brady-reads-mean-tweets/

Photo Credits

[1] Photographer Unknown https://www.pexels.com/photo/white-ceramic-teacup-beside-black-iphone-5-on-brown-wooden-table-58639/

[2] Karolina Grabowska
https://www.pexels.com/photo/a-woman-with-a-coffee-cup-in-front-of-a-laptop-7320744/

[3] Nicola Barts
https://www.pexels.com/photo/stressed-beard-black-man-working-on-laptop-7925881/

Teens Are Using New AI Software “ChatGPT” to Write Their Essays for Them

May 11, 2023 by katherinecarroll

Advancements in artificial intelligence technology have transformed the media we consume. These highly intelligent computer programs can create realistic-looking images from a few words, hold entire conversations, and even write cited essays. While programs like ChatGPT can give us simple answers to our questions, they can also hinder our children’s learning when they outsource their brainwork to an all-knowing robot. If you worry that your child is relying on technology a little too much, our Screen Safety Toolkit offers a resource guide so you can tighten up screen time supervision and management.

What is ChatGPT?

ChatGPT is a language processing tool that is powered by artificial intelligence (AI) technology, allowing you to have human-like conversations.[1] ChatGPT can answer one’s questions and complete various tasks from essays, to editing code, to writing emails. This software is open to the public for free, although there is also a paid subscription version with additional features.[1] Notable celebrities in technology like Elon Musk have commented on the strength of ChatGPT, stating “ChatGPT is scary good. We are not far from dangerously strong AI.”[1]

ChatGPT gets its data from textbooks, websites, and various articles which it simultaneously uses to model its language to seem more human-like.[2] This AI is well-trained on biased and unbiased data and can reproduce data with reliability, something that many other similar AI systems lack.[2]

When asked to write a sentence for this article, ChatGPT responded with, “ChatGPT is an artificial intelligence language model developed by OpenAI, based on the GPT-3 architecture. It is designed to generate natural language responses to a wide variety of prompts and questions. ChatGPT uses advanced machine learning algorithms to understand the nuances of language and generate context-sensitive responses that are often indistinguishable from those written by a human. It has a wide range of potential applications, from customer service and education to creative writing and more.”[3] How’s that for a definition?!

How are kids using ChatGPT to cheat?

While ChatGPT’s design of being able to generate natural responses to various questions and prompts can make it a helpful tool for educational and informational purposes, it also opens it up to exploitation for other purposes. A quick Google search will turn up dozens of articles on how to get ChatGPT to write your essay for you. A student at Cardiff University in Wales shared his experience with turning in two papers, one written by himself and the other written by ChatGPT.[4] The essay from ChatGPT earned him the highest grade he had ever received on an essay in his entire time in undergraduate school.[4]

College professor and TikTok user Lilmaverick3 received an essay from one of her students that had been flagged by TurnItIn.com as being 100% written by AI technology, proving that students have already started taking advantage of the AI’s skills and ability to create human-like speech.[5] The technology is still relatively new but stories just like this will likely continue.

Cheating robs children of the satisfaction of completing their own assignments and the learning experience that comes with research. It also offers a dishonest view of academic ability, which can quickly get out of hand when teachers ratchet up expectations in response.

What Parents and Educators Can Do to Prevent Cheating

Research various forms of AI detectors and run your child’s papers through flagging software, this way you can see if the paper has any elements that have been plagiarized.
- Some popular flagging software includes Writer’s AI Content Detector and Content at Scale’s AI Detector. For educators, we recommend having students turn in assignments through TurnItIn.com, this checks for plagiarism as well as how much of the assignment is AI-generated content.
Communicate your expectations surrounding homework and plagiarism from the start using our GKIS Connected Families Screen Agreement.
Sit with your child while they work on assignments to offer support as they need it, and be there before they decide to turn to AIs.
Manage smart devices during homework time using resources from our GKIS Screen Safety Toolkit.
Utilize ChatGPT in ways that allow it to be an educational tool, like writing ideas, creating to-do lists, and finding resources.
- ChatGPT is a helpful tool for educational purposes when used properly. As a prompt-based language bot, it can be used to spruce up resumes or cover letters based on inputted job description data, help create outlines for papers based on inputted prompt data, and even provide recipes for weekly meals.
- Promoting ChatGPT as an educational tool rather than a homework robot can prevent your child from creating an unhealthy dependence on AI software to do their work for them.

Like what you read? Check out our GKIS article “Siri and Alexa Help Kids Cheat on Homework”.

Thanks to CSUCI intern, Katherine Carroll for researching ChatGPT.

I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetKidsInternetSafe.

Onward to More Awesome Parenting,

Tracy S. Bennett, Ph.D.
Mom, Clinical Psychologist, CSUCI Adjunct Faculty
GetKidsInternetSafe.com

Works Cited

[1] Ortiz, S. (2023). What is ChatGPT and why does it matter? Here’s what you need to know. ZDNET. https://www.zdnet.com/article/what-is-chatgpt-and-why-does-it-matter-heres-everything-you-need-to-know/

[2] Pocock, K. (2023). What Is ChatGPT? – what is it used for? PCguide. https://www.pcguide.com/apps/what-is-chat-gpt/

[3] ChatGPT. (2023, May 3). Write a few sentences on what ChatGPT is. Response to user question. Retrieved from https://chat.openai.com/

[4] Wehner, G. (2023). UK college student uses AI to write high-scoring essay, earns high grade: report. Fox Business. https://www.foxbusiness.com/technology/uk-college-student-ai-write-high-scoring-essay-report

[5] LilmaverickProf [@lilmaverick3]. (2023). AI detection now automated for educators #professor #Ai #chatgpt [Video]. TikTok. https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTRwx4R8f/

Photo Credits

Photo by Shantanu Kumar (https://unsplash.com/photos/_CquNNr1744)

Photo by Levart_Photographer (https://unsplash.com/photos/drwpcjkvxuU)

Photo by freestocks (https://unsplash.com/photos/I_pOqP6kCOI)

Photo by sofatutor (https://unsplash.com/photos/4r5Hogjbgkw)

Trauma Dumping 101: Is the Internet Gen-Z’s Alternative to Therapy?

May 11, 2023 by katherinecarroll

For Xgens and millennials, the internet has been a place for people to overshare through Facebook location “check-ins” and Instagram posts chronicling every detail of their latest vacations. Some Gen Z’s, in contrast, have turned casual oversharing into something much darker – publicly sharing stories of trauma for internet clout. To monitor and ensure your child is not sharing their deepest, darkest secrets on TikTok, check out our GKIS Screen Safety Essentials Course. This course provides you access to all GKIS parenting courses, agreements, and supplements to teach your kids independent resilience and good coping skills, all of which work to build a positive parent-child partnership and avoid a digital injury.

What is “trauma dumping”?

Trauma dumping is when a person overshares difficult information with another person without their consent.[1] Trauma dumping for content is done when a person constantly talks about a traumatic experience, even sometimes going so far as to recreate or reenact the traumatic incident online.[2]

Tramadumpers typically do not consider their impact on viewers and are not seeking advice.[1] The sharing often occurs in inappropriate places and times to someone who cannot understand and process someone else’s trauma.[3]

How does trauma dumping differ from venting?

Trauma dumping differs from venting because venting is the release of pent-up emotions rather than details of traumatic experiences.[2] When venting, a person is more mindful of the other person’s boundaries and how much they should share. Venting is an ordinary action people take to blow off steam, while trauma dumping is a potentially harmful action.

Why is sharing trauma for views and likes problematic?

Sharing or posting about a personal experience is not inherently wrong. But when you are sharing about it on social media often, it can become a maladaptive coping mechanism, meaning that instead of reducing the effect of a traumatic event on one’s mental health, you instead cause more harm and increase long-term stress.[4]

How Viewing Trauma Dumping Affects Viewers

The TikTok hashtags #trauma and #traumatok have a combined total of more than 22.5 billion views. As of 2023, Tiktok has 1.53 billion users, meaning that videos with the aforementioned hashtags have been viewed more times than there are users on the app.[5]

I asked a frequent TikTok user to recount her experience viewing a #traumatok video. She shared, “I was scrolling through my TikTok For You Page and saw a video a girl shared of her last conversation with her mother before her mother passed away from Covid-19. It made me feel sad, and I thought about it pretty often throughout the day. I told my friend about it later, and she said she had seen it too and it made her cry. Her dad passed away from Covid-19, and it hit home for her and reminded her of her dad’s passing. I can’t imagine seeing that kind of content as an 11-year-old or something.”

Constantly consuming distressing online content and news is called doom-scrolling. This phenomenon causes despair in the viewer and can lead to feelings of stress and anxiety. Some studies have found that watching trauma content on social media (especially violent content) can cause viewers to experience post-traumatic stress disorder symptoms.[6] If your child may have consumed violent content on social media and is struggling to cope, please check our GKIS article, “Helping Your Children Cope with Stress and Tragedy” for help.

Viewers of trauma content can also inadvertently desensitize themselves. By viewing a trauma dump video and then scrolling to a happy or neutral video, they can prevent themselves from feeling the full impact of the content and thus are conditioning themselves to not adequately process traumatic content.[6] Through viewing traumatic content, viewers may inadvertently open themselves up to their own traumas. To learn more about doom-scrolling, see our GKIS article, “Doom-Scrolling: How Much Bad News Can We Take?”

What Parents Can Do

Preventing children from viewing #traumatok content is critical to ensure your child does not suffer from a digital injury.

Keep your child safe by:

Limiting and monitoring your child’s only content using our GKIS Screen Safety Toolkit. This resource helps you set parental controls and smart tools created to filter content and manage online behavior.
Keep the conversation going using our free GKIS Connected Family Agreement. By having regular discussions and co-viewing your child’s content, the learning continues both ways.
Preparing your children for social media usage through our GKIS Social Media Readiness Course. This course will help your child stay safe from digital injury and prepare them to “get social.”

Like what you read? Check out our GKIS articles “Our Youth Mental Health Emergency” and “Millennials, Gen Z, and the Internet: Generational Divides”.

Thanks to CSUCI intern, Katherine Carroll for Trauma Dumping and its harmful effects.

I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetKidsInternetSafe.

Onward to More Awesome Parenting,

Tracy S. Bennett, Ph.D.
Mom, Clinical Psychologist, CSUCI Adjunct Faculty
GetKidsInternetSafe.com

Works Cited

[1] Thurrott, S. You Think You’re Venting, but You Might Be Trauma Dumping. (2022). Banner Health. https://www.bannerhealth.com/healthcareblog/teach-me/venting-or-trauma-dumping

[2] Molina, O. Trauma Dumping: The Signs & Effects of Oversharing Trauma. (2023). Talk Space. https://www.talkspace.com/blog/trauma-dumping/

[3] Trauma Dumping 101: What It Is, and Why It Hurts. (2023). Family Zone. https://www.familyzone.com/anz/families/blog/trauma-dumping-and-why-it-hurts

[4] DeWitt, H. What are unhealthy coping mechanisms, and how do they affect me? (2022). ThriveWorks. https://thriveworks.com/help-with/coping-skills/unhealthy-coping-mechanisms/#:~:text=Maladaptive%2C%20or%20unhealthy%2C%20coping%20mechanisms,stress%20in%20the%20long%20term.

[5] Ruby, D. TikTok Statistics 2023 — (Users, Revenue and Trends). (2023). Demand Sage. https://www.demandsage.com/tiktok-user-statistics/#:~:text=TikTok%20Statistics%202023%20

[6] Revell, J. How Seeing War and Disaster Unfold in Real-Time Across Social Media Impacts Our Mental Health. (2022). The Latch.
https://thelatch.com.au/watching-violent-content-online-social-media/#:~:text=One%202015%20study%20found%20that,who%20are%20exposed%20to%20it

Photo Credits

Photo by Danie Franco (https://unsplash.com/photos/7KHCNCddn2U)

Photo by Claudia Wolff (https://unsplash.com/photos/owBcefxgrIE)

Photo by Jonas Leupe (https://unsplash.com/photos/7KHCNCddn2U)

Photo by Sofatutor (https://unsplash.com/photos/ec3SJoypVKM)

Bluey Offers Parenting Training Plus So Much More

May 10, 2023 by Keith Ferries

With streaming platforms, we have more options for viewing television than ever before. Binge-watching television has become the norm. But how do we know what is good for our kids to watch? Bluey is a show for all ages, even adults. It first came out in Australia in 2018. Then Disney picked it up and aired it in the United States in 2019. Bluey revolves around a husband and father (Bandit), his wife (Chilli), and their two daughters (Bluey and Bingo). There are elements to the program that help with parenting and problem-solving, which we at GetKidsInternetSafe support. Our GetKidsInternetSafe courses are designed to help families connect with cooperative dialogue about screen safety. For families with young kids, our Connected Family Course helps open the lines of communication and set up your home with optimum screen safety. For tweens and teens, we recommend our Social Media Readiness Course. The Readiness Course offers information to help teens better problem-solve independently and recognize the red flags of digital injury. Today’s GKIS article covers the benefits of Bluey and the drama that surrounds the program on social media.

Bluey Portrays Engaged, Playful Parents

Dads on television are too often portrayed to be oafish, heavy-set men who act foolish. We can all think of lazy father characters married to an attractive wives they take for granted but win her over with bumbling charm. Bluey represents fatherhood in a more accurate, positive light. Bandit, the father in Bluey, can occasionally be goofy. But generally, he is a loving, caring father and husband.

Chilli is a loving wife and mother. She is also shown in an independent manner. She is unafraid to ask for some time when she needs a break and is seen going out to play field hockey with a friend. She is strong and loving to her family.

The first child of Bandit and Chili is the title character Bluey. Often children’s shows have the children trying to connive their parents. A refreshing part of the show is Bluey is not trying to get away with anything. She is an energetic child that enjoys playing and using her imagination. Like many children, she has her moments, but with the guidance of her parents, she understands her mistakes.

Bingo is the youngest of the Family. She, like many, looks up to her older sibling but is often involved in the activities. She is not a pest or an antagonist, she feels down sometimes because she may not be able to keep up, but the family often acknowledges her voice.

The Bluey set typically involves kids having playtime using their imagination and involving their parents. We often see them playing make-believe where they may be at a pizzeria or playing with their mom pretending to drive a car. The parents are caring, loving, and look out for each other. This positive portrayal of playtime as an opportunity for coaching and learning is excellent parent and child training. Like the ground-breaking work of Mr. Rogers, Bluey offers useful instruction in the form of family entertainment.

With the pressures of modern life, parenting can be challenging. Although technology makes us more efficient, it also adds a lot of distractions that can get in the way of healthy family relationships. In her book Screen Time in the Mean Time, Dr. Bennett reports that psychology research demonstrates that there has been a 25% decrease in child empathy. She states that parental distraction and outsourcing parenting to screen time may be major contributors to this unwanted change. She elaborates that empathy is not innate, meaning we aren’t born with it. Instead, devoted parents model empathy for their children and instruct them verbally as their kids follow along with them day to day. She proposes that Bluey models the teaching of empathy between parent and child through imaginary play. That benefits not only the kids watching Bluey but their parents too!

Bluey Tackles Challenging Topics

Like Mr. Rogers, Bluey often brings in complex and challenging topics such as coping with death and loss, working through troubling feelings, and much more.

For example, the Bluey episode Whale Watching implies the parents drank too much at a party the night before. The parents try to avoid playing with their kids but ultimately realize how vital their engagement is, resulting in them pushing through their discomfort.

In another episode titled Stumpfest, Chilli teaches Bluey how parents also need space and adults need time with friends. The kids think the dad was mean when digging up a stump with his friends. Taking away something Bluey and her friends wanted to keep and use for themselves. Chilli explains to Bluey that Bandit’s yardwork with his friends was his playtime and bonding with his pals.

Another Bluey episode, Born Yesterday, shows Bandit acting like he was just introduced to the world. The kids enjoy showing him his new surroundings and how to perform in social settings. This episode helps viewers see how much we take social norms for granted and how to explain norms to the younger generation. It also encourages us to slow down, think simply, and enjoy the little things.

Other topics that have been addressed in Bluey include

Depression
Fear of abandonment
Divorce
Taking care of your parents
Death
Work Ethic

Teaching essential concepts like these to kids can be challenging. A great product GKIS offers to help bring the family together is our Screen Safety Essentials Course. Our Essentials Course promotes screen safety and a cooperative and positive parent-child alliance.

Online Conspiracy Theories About Bluey

Typical of the internet, there is social media drama surrounding Bluey. For example, there is online speculation about hidden adult topics within the show. TikToker conspiracy theories about Bluey include speculation that Bluey is a rainbow baby. A rainbow baby is a child born after a miscarriage. There is also speculation that one of the grandparent characters has Alzheimer’s disease and Bingo has celiac disease. An episode was temporarily banned because Bandit passed gas in Bluey’s face, referred to as a fluffy in the show. This episode got pushback, but the real lesson was about being honest and not trying to be sneaky. After viewers and parents realized this, the episode was placed back into the show’s streaming library.

If you find it difficult to play with your kids or integrate challenging topics into play, get your friends together and schedule an online parenting workshop with Dr. Bennett.

Thanks to CSUCI intern Keith Ferries for researching and writing this family-friendly article.

I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetKidsInternetSafe.

Onward to More Awesome Parenting,

Tracy S. Bennett, Ph.D.
Mom, Clinical Psychologist, CSUCI Adjunct Faculty
GetKidsInternetSafe.com

Photo Credits

[1] August de Richelieu https://www.pexels.com/@augsst-de-richelieu/

[2] Cottonbro Studio https://www.pexels.com/photo/girl-in-red-dress-playing-a-wooden-blocks-3662667/

[3] RODNAE Productions https://www.pexels.com/photo/young-family-talking-to-their-parents-6148875/

Is Your Child Exhibiting Digital Self-Harm?

May 4, 2023 by Brandon Bishop

In 2013, a 14-year-old girl in England named Hannah Smith committed suicide after being bullied and receiving hurtful comments on a social media website. When her father called for there to be accountability for the people who had left messages about his daughter before her death, it was revealed by the police that Hannah had most likely written the messages herself.[1] This was one of the first recognized incidents of digital self-harm, where a person leaves harmful messages, comments, or posts about themselves on the internet. We have written about physical self-harm in the GKIS article, “What Parents Need to Know About America’s Cutting Epidemic,” but today we’re going to examine the possible causes of digital self-harm, and how you can take steps to help your children if they’re experiencing this. To prevent digital self-harm, keeping open communication between you and your kids about their screen usage is essential. The GKIS Connected Family Screen Agreement is our free digital contract that helps create an open forum of communication between you and your kids and offers tips about the basics of internet safety.

What makes digital self-harm different?

Physical self-harm is when a person injures or puts themselves at risk without intent for committing suicide. Often this is done to numb emotional pain or cry for help. The most known forms of self-harm are cutting or burning yourself or skin-picking, but other risky behaviors like excessive drinking and drug use can become self-harm depending on the person’s motivation.[2] Physical self-harm can accompany or lead to suicidality.

Digital self-harm is similar to the physical forms of self-harm, but it takes place over the Internet. A teenager who’s self-harming this way may leave hateful comments and messages for themselves on social media, often in a publicly visible place. This is done anonymously on a fake account they’ve created.[3] By doing this to themselves, it can make it look like they’re being cyberbullied or harassed by others. Like physical self-harm, teenagers who digitally self-harm are at a much higher risk of suicidal thoughts or making a suicide attempt.[4]

Why do people engage in digital self-harm?

There are many reasons a teen may engage in digital self-harm, including:

to express overwhelming negative feelings about themselves.
to take control of peer relations where they’d otherwise feel out of control.
to look artsy, tough, or cool or better belong among others victimized by bullying or cyberbullying.
to numb out or punish themselves.[2][6]
to attract much-needed help and support.[5]
to elicit compliments and praise from others.
in hopes that friends will come to their defense and say positive things about them.[5]
to create a forum where they can engage in a public discourse and track responses.[5]
to phish to find out if other people see them in a similarly negative way.[6]

How common is this behavior?

A study in 2012 surveyed 617 college students and found that 9% of those students admitted to committing digital self-harm behavior while they were in high school.[7]

Another more recent 2017 study surveyed 5,593 middle-school and high-school students and found that about 5% admitted to digital self-harm, and 6% admitted to cyberbullying themselves.[3] They also found that teenagers who had digitally self-harmed were also more likely to have been bullied in the past than the students who hadn’t self-harmed.

The Role of Social Media in Self-Harm

As social media has gotten more popular, teenage mental health has been getting worse. One study found that adolescent suicide rates and depressive symptoms increased from 2010 to 2015, particularly among young girls.[8] Another found that students who checked social media 50-100 times a day were more likely to be distressed than their peers who checked less frequently, and that checking more than 100 times a day led to even higher distress.[9]

While self-harming behavior is usually done in private, social media opens the possibility of exposure to the negative emotions that cause self-harm. Social media allows kids and teens to communicate with others who self-harm and more easily find information about how to do different types of self-harm.[2]

What should I do if someone I know is digitally self-harming?

While digital self-harm is a new phenomenon in the worlds of social media and psychology, there are preventative measures that could help you monitor for digital self-harm in your family:

Take active steps to manage your children’s time online and monitor what kinds of websites your children are accessing. The GKIS Screen Safety Toolkit provides you with advice and app recommendations to set up parental controls, screen time management, and website filtering and blocking.
Recognize that self-harm is usually a symptom of other problems in your child’s life, and that they may be keeping it to themselves to avoid embarrassment or punishment. Respond with empathy in mind. This is a poorly thought-through coping mechanism that is fairly common among kids, tweens, and teens. Don’t respond harshly because you are disappointed or embarrassed. Instead, make this a teaching opportunity and gently validate their feelings and coach them through to better solutions. Kids make mistakes online just as they do offline. They’re still learning.
If the free Connected Family Agreement catches your interest and you want something more comprehensive, our megacourse for Screen Safety Essentials offers GKIS content for the whole family to form healthier screen use habits and encourage cooperation between you and your kids.
If you’re worried that your teen is self-harming or suicidal, contact a mental health professional as soon as possible. Typically, the earlier the intervention, the more effective it is.

Thanks to CSUCI intern Brandon Bishop for researching digital self-harm and its causes and authoring this article.

I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetKidsInternetSafe.

Onward to More Awesome Parenting,

Tracy S. Bennett, Ph.D.
Mom, Clinical Psychologist, CSUCI Adjunct Facility
GetKidsInternetSafe.com

Works Cited

[1] Hannah Smith inquest: Teenager posted ‘online messages’ from BBC News

[2] Identifying Different Types of Self-Harm in Teens from Newport Academy

[3] Digital Self-Harm Among Adolescents by Dr. Justin W. Patchin & Dr. Sameer Hinduja

[4] Digital self-harm and suicidality among adolescents by Justin W. Patchin, Sameer Hinduja, and Ryan C. Meldrum

[5] Digital Self-Harm and Other Acts of Self-Harassment by Danah Boyd

[6] Digital Self-Harm in Adolescents: What It Is and How to Prevent It from Newport Academy

[7] Digital Self-Harm: Frequency, Type, Motivations, and Outcomes by Dr. Elizabeth Englander

[8] Increases in Depressive Symptoms, Suicide-Related Outcomes, and Suicide Rates Among U.S. Adolescents After 2010 and Links to Increased New Media Screen Time by Dr. Jean M. Twenge, et al.

[9] #Being Thirteen: Social Media and the Hidden World of Young Adolescents’ Peer Culture by Dr. Marion K. Underwood & Dr. Robert Faris

Photo Credits

Photo by Pixabay from Pexels: https://www.pexels.com/photo/woman-looking-at-sea-while-sitting-on-beach-247314/

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Are TikTok Users Exposing Kids to Fetish Content?

April 14, 2023 by katherinecarroll

Sexual content on a social media platform with millions of young children should never be allowed, but lines become blurred when TikTok users find subversive ways to share fetish content with others. Behind seemingly innocent videos lay adults seeking to arouse one another, uncaring that it may be occurring right in front of your child. Protect your child from inappropriate online content and prevent digital injury with our GKIS Screen Safety Toolkit.

What is a “Fetish” or “Kink”?

A fetish refers to sexual arousal resulting from objects or a specific body part that is not typically seen as sexual.[1] Fetish objects or body parts could include feet, hair, food, or even balloons. For those with a fetish, sex may be less pleasurable or even impossible without the presence of the fetish object.

In contrast, kink refers to unconventional or bizarre sexual activity with self or others.[2] While fetishes can become sexual disorders, kinks typically do not progress to that level. More specifically, Fetishistic Disorder occurs when a person’s fetish escalates to the point of being persistent and distressing.[3] To meet the conditions for this disorder, an individual must experience sexual urges that meet the definition of a fetish, these fetishes must cause distress or impairment in functioning, and the object they fetishize must not be used in cross-dressing or sexual stimulation.[4]

Fetishistic Disorders are typically seen in males and emerge during puberty.[4] Fetishistic Disorder can make it hard for individuals to develop intimate relationships and can cause sexual dysfunction.[4] Studies have also found that fetishism is often correlated with other mental health issues, substance abuse, criminal justice involvement, and an increased risk of sexually transmitted infections.[4]

How are TikTok Users Posting This Content?

Most social media websites have content filters and bots that flag any content that can be considered inappropriate or of a sexual nature. However, most of the fetish content on TikTok does not contain nudity, instead appealing to fetishes that utilize implied sexual behavior.

Popular TikTok user Lena Rae (@lenarae.lh), who has over 230k followers, has created a collection of videos titled, “Is This Fetish Content?” that identifies this type of content and calls out the users to post it.

In a video with almost 18 million views, Lena Rae reacts to a seemingly innocent video from user “putinnu” (a not-so-thinly veiled attempt at sexual innuendo “put it in you”). The video shows a woman in a wedding dress shoving a glass vase into a multi-tiered cake and then proceeding to pour multi-colored, runny frosting inside the vase. Lena Rae points out the vase is a phallic shape. She also comments on the consistency of the frosting and how the person is spilling it as they pour. The woman in the video explains that the frosting is going to run all over the cake, a reference that Lena Rae says is to appeal to those with a “sploshing” fetish. Lena Rae points out that the actions in the video are purposely repetitive and aim to appeal to a fetishistic audience.[5]

While these videos may not be expressly sexual like other content on TikTok, the hidden fetish content videos are flooded with comments from adults who are taking pleasure in the content being suggested to them. This creates a dangerous combination of adults with sexual fetishes consuming content that is “safe” enough to also show up on the For You Page of young kids.

How Viewing This Content Can Affect Kids

Viewing sexual content at any age can be harmful to one’s mental health, but when viewed during a time of development, it can have lasting effects into adulthood.

Experts have found that young children who view pornographic content frequently become isolated, withdrawn, anxious, or depressed.[6] Consumption of online sexual content at a young age can lead to premature sexual experimentation as well as other high-risk behaviors, dating violence, cannabis abuse, or the development of harmful fetishes.[7]

What Parents Can Do

Open communication about sexual content can save your child from digital injury and stunted development. Some experts even recommend talking to your child as young as 9 years old about the difference between “good” and “bad” pictures.[8] Experts believe that in doing so, children will be better able to identify groomers or online predators and be less susceptible to them.

There are also various protective factors that one can turn to to prevent early exposure to sex. Creating an environment where a child feels connected to their parents and family can help them feel more comfortable communicating about the content they consume. To help facilitate difficult conversations about online content, try out our free GKIS Connected Family Screen Agreement. Fostering healthy conversations and helping your child create positive self-perception can help kids to seek validation from family and peers rather than online strangers.

Like what you read? Check out our GKIS articles “Are TikTok Users Using Kids’ Games to Share Inappropriate Reddit Content?” and “Sextortion Scammers Targeting the LGBTQ+ Community”.

Thanks to CSUCI intern, Katherine Carroll for researching fetish content on TikTok.

I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetKidsInternetSafe.

Onward to More Awesome Parenting,

Tracy S. Bennett, Ph.D.
Mom, Clinical Psychologist, CSUCI Adjunct Faculty
GetKidsInternetSafe.com

Works Cited

[1] Collins, S. What Is a Sexual Fetish? (2015). WebMD. https://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/features/sexual-fetish

[2] PureWow Editors. Kink vs. Fetish: A Sex Therapist Lays Out the Difference.

(2021). PureWow Wellness. https://www.purewow.com/wellness/kink-vs-fetish

[3] Martin, S. & Levine, S. Fetishistic Disorder. (2023). UpToDate. https://www.uptodate.com/contents/fetishistic-disorder/print#:~:text=Fetishistic%20disorder%20is%20characterized%20by,or%20specific%2C%20nongenital%20body%20parts.

[4] Porter, D. Fetishistic Disorder DSM-5 302.81 (F65.0). (2023). Theravive. https://www.theravive.com/therapedia/fetishistic-disorder-dsm–5-302.81-(f65.0)

[5] Lena Rae [@lenarae.lh]. (2022). #duet with [@putinnu] RIP my algorithm #food #hand [Video]. TikTok. https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTR3L9f9W/