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The GKIS Sensible Parent’s Guide to Kik

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It’s every teen’s dream to have unmonitored texting through WiFi, without having to ask parent permission or use expensive data. With instant messaging apps like Kik, all you need is an Internet-connected screen device and, voila, there’s your private Internet portal. Kik is most commonly used among middle schoolers, which translates to online teen hijinks, some innocent and some not-so-innocent. Apps like these are why screen safety agreements among parents and their teens are so vital. My Screen Safety Toolkit is a great instrument for navigating how to monitor your child without hurting your relationship.

What is Kik?

Kik is a free mobile application that is used for instant messaging (IM). It is most commonly used on handheld screen media that connect to WiFi (like smartphones, iPods, and tablets). A Kik account allows the user to send and receive messages with other Kik users. It’s similar to texting, but instead of using “minutes” or a data plan, it sends messages through WiFi. Kik’s Terms of Service state that users must be 13 years or older.

What are Kik’s popular features?

  • Kik looks and acts like a basic SMS text messaging function.
  • You can invite friends or family to use Kik through text, social media, or email.
  • Just like regular text messaging, you will receive notifications when your messages were sent and delivered. Not only can you tell when someone has received your message, but you can also see when they have read it and are typing back.
  • You can send pictures, videos, and texts to peers or even strangers.
  • The main page when you open the app is a list of your Kik conversations.

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What are the privacy options?

  • Kik has limited privacy settings.
  • I recommend that you only tell people you know your personal username. To keep it private, do NOT post it on any other social media sites where strangers may see it.
  • You have the ability to block users (searched by username or name) if you are being cyberbullied. Simply go to “Chat Settings,” then select “Block List.”

blog74kiksecond blog74kikthird How long has it been around and how popular is it?

  • Kik became available to the public in October 2010. In just two weeks it had about one million users.
  • Popular among teenagers, most young adults don’t use this application, due to the fact that most of them already use texting that’s provided with data plans.

What are the risks for use?

Cyberbully potential:

  • Due to the fact that Kik messages do not show up on wireless plans like text messaging, it makes it easier for the kids to send hurtful messages.
  • Cyberbullying commonly occurs with Kik.
    • If an enemy from school gets your username they may message you on Kik and send you insults or threats. For example, there are many reports about Kik users receiving messages telling them they should just die because no one cares about them.
    • Rebecca Sedwick was a twelve year-old girl who was bullied on Kik. Her mother was unaware of the Kik app even though she would sometimes go through her phone. Rebecca had posted photos of herself cutting her arms. Peers responded asking her why she was even alive, calling her names. Before committing suicide she changed her Kik name to, “That Dead Girl.”

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Making poor decisions:

  • It’s possible to have conversations with strangers on Kik, making connection with an online predator dangerously easy.
  • Sexting is a risk with this Kik.

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Inappropriate content potential:

  • Due to sexting, Kik users may receive graphic photos from peers or strangers.
  • Drug deals and sex hookups are common on Kik.
  • Parental monitoring is difficult because chats can easily be deleted.

Due to the potential for unmonitorable interaction with peers and strangers and difficulty with monitoring, GetKidsInternetSafe classifies Kik as a red light app. The anonymity and easy delete potential can lead to dangerous conversations. To learn more about the social media applications your child may be using, check out a The GetKidsInternetSafe Sensible Parent’s Guide to Tumblr.

11755355_1062290680448181_4814698546326661932_nThank you to CSUCI intern Adrienne Roy-Gasper for co-authoring this article.

I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetKidsInternetSafe.

Onward to More Awesome Parenting,

Tracy S. Bennett, Ph.D.
Mom, Clinical Psychologist, CSUCI Adjunct Faculty
GetKidsInternetSafe.com

Photo Credit:

Informal Gluttony by Kat Northern Lights Man, CC BY-NC 2.0

Cyberbullying, would you do it? by kid-josh, CC BY-NC-SA 2.0

Pro Juventute Aufklärungskampagne ‚Sexting’ Themenbild_04, CC BY 2.0

Reboot Your Parent-Child Relationship

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This morning I watched the sweetest parenting guilt video ever! It’s an ad for Ikea that shows kids writing to the Three Kings (Santa) about what they want for Christmas. After they proudly seal their list for mailing (Wii, guitar, iPad), the teacher asks them to write a letter to their parents listing what they want from them. After some cute kid pencil biting the video cuts to the parents reading the letters aloud.

CLICK HERE to read more…

I Want to Be Hot When I Grow Up

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The other day my little eight year-old childcare client looked at me with a frown on her face and said, “I’m fat and my friends and the people on TV are skinny.” I was so upset. I don’t think cute little kids like Lily should worry about the way they look. When I was Lily’s age my only goal was to eat chips and play soccer. As a child of the 90’s, I wasn’t concerned about body image like kids are today. I suspect easily accessible screen media is a primary contributor to body shame, with its almost constant barrage of carefully staged ads and social media selfies.

Sexualized images are often staged so the model’s body looks like an object or a commodity. Psychologists call this objectification. Multiple exposures to objectified bodies can hardwire a child to emulate this ideal. Imagery like the “uncovering of Kim Kardashian” or Dwayne Johnson’s six-pack seems to be everywhere. And by “imagery” I’m referring to perfectly made up, tucked, lit, and digitally enhanced images. Sometimes images in ads are even made up of body parts from several different models! How can non-virtual people possibly compete with that?

blog72couchkidsKids and access to media

From my work as a camp counselor, I’ve observed that young kids have ample access to screen media. Between the United States and Western Europe it is estimated that 65.3 million children have access to the Internet at home (Bennett, 2006). It is not unusual to see my young clients tracking their favorite celebrity idols online and through social media.

For example, Lily loves the pop idol, Taylor Swift. She delights in frequent discussions about how Taylor is so beautiful and skinny. And I can’t blame her. The truth is, most of us glamorize beauty over talent. I am not saying that Taylor is not talented, but would she be in the eye of the media if she looked more like the heavier award-winning singer, Adele? I believe that Adele is just as talented and beautiful as Taylor, but Taylor has an image most Americans idealize, a skinny blond.

Recently I tried a little experiment with Lily. I played a song by Adele and a song by Taylor. Without telling her whom the vocalists were, I told her to pick her favorite song. Not surprisingly, she chose Adele’s song. Then I showed her photographs of the singers. Immediately Lily changed her mind, elaborating, “Taylor is so perfect and I love her so much.” Not surprisingly, Lily’s opinion was clearly swayed by Taylor’s looks.

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How often are our opinions based on image rather than substance?

Most of us dread the day we wake up and realize we are turning into our parents. Parents are typically more influential role models than pop stars. Kids have frequent access and look for comfort from their parents. As a result kids are particularly responsive to their parents’ influence, because they need them to survive. Kids are biologically programmed to imitate parents.

Sadly for kids, parents are not perfect people. It is not uncommon for parents to complain about their bodies in front of their kids. Remember that advertisement with the hot model that said, “If you want to look like this, you need <this product>!” Do you remember how it made you feel? Did you compare yourself to the model? Perhaps feel a touch of shame? Perhaps those feelings led you to say, “Do I look fat in this?” Or maybe you made a disparaging commented about your least favorite body part. Just as parents feel shame from media objectification, they also pass these feelings and perceptions on to their children.

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During camp, I also met eight year-old Angela. Angela’s mom recently had breast enhancement surgery. One day Angela showed me a picture of her mom before the surgery. She said, “My mom doesn’t look like this anymore, because she went to the hospital.” Then I asked her what she thought about her mom’s new look. She replied, “One day I want to go to a hospital and be as pretty as her.” Again, I was upset for little Angela. I understand the impulse of wanting to improve your looks with cosmetic surgery, but what impact did this have on Angela’s perception of her body? Based on her comments, she was already forming a perception of before and after beauty, with her natural childhoos beauty as the lesser-than “before” version. blog72muscles

It’s not just girls that are negatively affected by sexualized objectification, boys can feel body same too. Recently I have been gaining muscle due to my fitness regimine. Recently I was hanging out at home when I noticed that my little brother was secretly working out in his room. When I asked what he was doing, he replied “I’m building muscles like you!” He even asked if he could come to the gym with me. Although I’ll admit I was a little bit flattered, I was also worried. Like Lily, I think it is healthier for him to focus on the process of exercise and how it makes him feel rather than worry about building muscle.

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When do children start to feel body shame?

From what I have observed with younger kids, I believe that kids start feeling shame as soon as they have self-awareness. According to the research of Brownell, Zerwas, & Ramani (2007), body self-awareness emerges as a child nears three years old. As media images bombard us at higher and higher rates, starting younger and younger, we become more susceptible to emotional harm from social comparison.

Tips To Help Our Kids Get Safe From Media Shame

  • Filter screen content and limit the frequency of screen use with Dr. Bennett’s GetKidsInternetSafe techniques.
  • Introduce your children to healthy role models who make an impact with thought and action rather than a sexy selfie. Talk to them about important historical figures like Nelson Mandela, Albert Einstein, or Thomas Edison. Just doing the research for positive mentors can be cool bonding learning experience.
  • If you are making cosmetic changes to your appearance, take the time to discuss it with your kids using the appropriate discretion for their stage of development.
  • Avoid demeaning jokes and comments toward your kids, such as calling them “chubby” or pinching cheeks.
  • Stop making critical remarks about yourself in front of them. Teach them to love themselves by modeling self-confidence and self-nurturance.
  • Most importantly, show them that you love them for being their unique themselves. A child’s worth is reflected in who they are, not what they look like.

Remember, “SHAME IS LAME.”

Because you are an extraordinary parent, you won’t want to miss, “What Parents Need to Cover About Kim Kardashian’s Un-covering.” And please do me a favor, scroll down and leave a comment about what you think about your body, the media, and how you communicate self-worth and nurturance to your children.

IMG_2923Congratulations and thank you to Cristian Garcia, CSUCI intern, for authoring this awesome GKIS article!

I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetKidsInternetSafe.

Onward to More Awesome Parenting,

Tracy S. Bennett, Ph.D.
Mom, Clinical Psychologist, CSUCI Adjunct Faculty
GetKidsInternetSafe.com

Photo Credits:

Hey There Sweetnes by Courtney Carmody, CC BY-SA 2.0

The replacement for Saturday morning cartoons by Wesley Fryer, CC BY 2.0

Taylor Swift by Prayitno, CC BY 2.0

Lucie & ses parents-4 by Thomas sauzedde, CC BY 2.0

Bad to the bone by Robbie Grubbs, CC BY-NC-ND 2.0

Plastic-surgery-0902-01 by Madelineyoki, CC BY-SA 2.0

Funny faces for auntie mcb by McBeth, CC BY-NC-ND 2.0

References

Bennett, C. (2006). Keeping up with the kids. Young Consumers, 7(3), 28.

Brownell, C. , Zerwas, S. , & Ramani, G. (2007). So big: The development of body self-awareness in toddlers. Child Development, 78(5), 1426-1440.

Hey Creep, Those Were MY Facebook Photos!

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What if you saw your teenage daughter’s photo posted on a stranger’s Facebook page? Perhaps he created his own caption under her photo too, like “I’m so hot!” Perhaps he’s a grown man and has other women’s photos posted as well! I bet you’re thinking that’s too extreme or unlikely. Until recently, I would have agreed with you … until it happened to me. My name is Adrienne Roy-Gasper, and I am a CSUCI intern for Dr. Bennett. I was also guilty of thinking, “it won’t happen to me.” I believed my photos were safe on Facebook, and no one would ever want them.

I WAS WRONG.

Theft of my Photos

Several weeks ago, I received a message from a Facebook friend saying a forty-year-old man had a bunch of photos of me on his Facebook page. She elaborated, “This guy was being really scary and inappropriate with my friend, so I was looking through his Facebook page and saw pictures of you!”

My stomach dropped. I was shaking. My heart was racing. I panicked. When I went to his page, I saw that this man had visited my profile, stole my pictures, and posted them!

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I was shocked and scared. I didn’t know this man. I never saw him in person. Never spoke to him. Yet somehow, he found my profile and stole my photos.

Why would he do this? Who is this guy? Why me? How did he find my Facebook profile? What else could he be using these photos for?!

I was freaked out and ready to cry. Maybe my reaction was “overdramatic.” But I was just notified that this man was sexually harassing another girl. This potentially dangerous man, who was a lot older than me, was downloading and publicly posting my personal pictures. How long had he been tracking me? Since I was 17? 20? A year ago? I wasn’t sure, and I didn’t have a way to find out.

How I Got Him to Cooperate

First, I asked for advice from friends and family by posting a Facebook message about the situation. Many of them were frightened for me. They felt it was unsafe and were just as upset as I was. With their suggestions, I ultimately decided to be direct and message this man with a polite request to remove my photos.

I messaged, “I notice that my pictures are on your profile. I did not give you permission to use them. Can you please take them down?”

Now it gets even stranger. Instead of taking the photos down, he replied, “I thought I told you I will when I get back.”

His response was so confusing to me. You thought you told me what? That you stole my pictures? I politely messaged him again, explaining that I’d never spoken with him before.

His response was defensive, “So don’t say rude things to me,” he replied.

At this point, I lost it!

Friends and family came to my rescue and decided to say something to him. I am not one for cyberbullying, but that’s what it came down to. Ten of my friends messaged him with threats like calling the cops or finding him and beating him up. Finally, he took my pictures down.

What do you think?

I kind of worry that this was a mass cyberbully campaign. But was it? Were my champions justified? Whether it was a good reason or not, I ended up feeling guilty but happy that he no longer had my photos on his profile.

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I don’t know of many people this has happened to, and I wasn’t sure how to react. After I had time to process what had happened, I discussed the situation with our intern group and agreed to share the story, research solutions, and offer advice.

Facebook’s safety features suggest that you first try to handle situations like this on your own. If it remains a problem, then report it.

  • Go to Facebook’s Desktop Help. Go to “Report something” on the side.
  • Click what fits your problem the most. For me it was, “Someone is using my photos or my child’s photos without my permission.”
  • Then click the link that says, “Get help reporting unauthorized photos.”
  • Click “Image privacy rights.”
  • Lastly, click what fits your problem the most. For me, I would have chosen “Imposter accounts.”
  • Facebook will take you to a form to fill out and, hopefully, they will agree that something needs to be done.

There are three frustrating aspects to this reporting process:

  • First, you have to sit and wait for their response while the photo remains active.
  • Another frustration is your photos may not get removed from the other person’s account. Facebook may disagree with you and not view it as a problem.
  • Finally, Facebook can’t do anything about the fact the guy had downloaded the photos for his personal collection. Yuck!

Despite my initial reservations, I came away from this situation feeling that I went about it reasonably.

If timely trouble-shooting Facebook options are limited, I suggest two further considerations:

  • Don’t ever post photos with intimate content. You never really know where they’ll end up!
  • Select strict privacy settings on all social media profiles from the beginning rather than waiting until the damage is done.
    • There are even worse situations that could occur, such as virtual kidnapping, where a person collects personal information from your social media accounts and uses it to extort money from your loved ones, saying you are in danger and will be harmed or even killed if they do not send money. Or imagine if a child pornographer collects and shares your images with other sickos! Dr. Bennett suggests we re-label “child pornography” to be “images of child sexual assault.” I hadn’t considered that before, but I agree with her because that’s exactly what it is.
  • Disable location services for Facebook on your mobile device.

Take it from me! By accepting the Terms of Agreement from each social media app, we are consenting to have our personal data tracked, collected, and used for corporate profit and potentially personal exploitation. We apparently think it’s a reasonable trade for the free fun and real-time communications we have with friends and family. But the truth is, we all now have our virtual identity to protect as well as our nonvirtual identity. And if you’re a parent, posting images and information about your children launch their digital footprints as well as your own.

Before every comment and image I post, I now ask myself some important questions, including, “Do I care if this image is out there on the World Wide Web?”

Take a moment today and talk to your kids about netiquette, digital footprints, and online privacy. Check out Dr. Bennett’s article, “How to Create an Open, Honest Screen Media Family Conversation Like a Boss,” for tips about how to get started.

11755355_1062290680448181_4814698546326661932_nCongratulations and thank you to Adrienne Roy Gasper, CSUCI intern, for authoring this awesome GKIS article!

I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetKidsInternetSafe.

Onward to More Awesome Parenting,

Tracy S. Bennett, Ph.D.
Mom, Clinical Psychologist, CSUCI Adjunct Faculty
GetKidsInternetSafe.com

Photo Credits

Facebook: The privacy saga continues by Ruth Suehle CC BY-SA 2.0

Wrong neighborhood, motherf*cker! by Kahlil Opeda, CC BY-NC-ND 2.0

Smartphones During Homework?

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Are you fighting the homework wars? Wondering if screens during homework are helping or hurting grades? We can’t take screens away during homework time anymore. So much of it is online! Kids insist that tech helps them learn better. But does it? Today’s GKIS article covers who tech can help with learning and how it can interfere.

How We Learn

We have to have a good memory to earn good grades. To learn, we must encode, or anchor, that information into brain memory storage. This type of learning happens as we engage with the material over and over. Memories also encode while we sleep. Changing short-term memories into long-term memories happens through biochemical and electrical processes called consolidation.

Different types of memories store in different parts of the brain. Memorizing factual information (required to perform well on tests) primarily involves the part of the brain called the temporal cortex. Intentionally learning facts is called explicit memory.

Memorizing how to do something, like tie your shoes, is called procedural learning. It is stored in the areas of the brain that involve motor control. This kind of learning is called implicit memory.

Emotional memories (like those that occur in traumatic situations) are stored in multiple brain areas including our emotional center, the amygdala.

Research suggests that kids studying while watching TV may encode that information as procedural rather than factual data. Encoding in the wrong brain region makes fact retrieval at test time more difficult. How and where you study also makes a difference.

How to Facilitate Learningblog70jackie2

To learn well, we must start with great brain health, get motivated, set up a good workstation, and follow best learning practices. Are you practicing these learning techniques?

  • Good self-care, brain health, and cognitive fitness are the foundations of learning engagement (like sleep, nutrition, exercise, and a positive mood)
  • A distraction-free study environment
  • Efforts toward mental engagement: attention and motivation
  • Putting the learning content in a variety of different formats (listening to a lecture, reading notes, writing notes, re-writing notes, watching videos, engaging in discussion, etc.)
  • Memorizing material in a variety of study environments
  • Making unique meaning of the material, such as generalizing and applying the concepts, especially with emotional connections
  • Repetition and practice
  • Avoid doing two tasks at once that require the same cognitive resources (don’t multitask)
  • Uninterrupted brain rest after each study session (mindfulness, meditation, time out in nature)

The Benefits of Screen Time for Learning

Screen devices can be amazing learning aids. Not only do they help us put the material in different formats, but they are fun and convenient to use! Here are some of the ways screen time benefits our learning.

  • With our screen devices, we have immediate, easy access to massive stores of information.
  • The biohacks built into our devices make learning fun. We are captured and motivated.
  • Online quizzes and testing help us immediately assess where we are with our learning.
  • Learning programs dish out progressively challenging content at a pace that matches our performance.
  • Screens give us access to others for group discussions and crowdsourcing problems.
  • Screens offer cool and create learning formats, like project management and brain mapping systems.
  • Gamifying content helps us learn and have fun!

 

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Best Learning Strategies

1. Learn from the get-go.

Don’t waste a moment of studying. Be an active learner the minute you come into contact with the material. Actively engage with the content while you read the textbook, take notes in class, and watch the videos. Participating in class also helps deep processing of the material!

2. Learn while you format study materials.

Outline the text and rewrite and highlight your notes. Attend to and connect the main concepts. Leave out illustrative details so you have only essential material (fewer pages) to memorize.

3. Set the stage to study.

Block out sufficient study time over several days using a block-scheduling download from the Internet. Prepare yourself and your study space to optimize learning. Make sure you are comfortable and fit (fed, hydrated, rested) with a positive attitude about studying. Find a comfortable, non-distracting study location. Turn off your phone and other notifications and commit to studying only, no social media or Internet surfing.

4. Engage with content, don’t kill and drill.

For a student to learn effectively, they must engage with the content and integrate it into a meaningful framework. Students often make the mistake of mindlessly rehearsing isolated facts, thinking time spent is evidence of learning. Kill and drill is a waste of time and mind-numbingly punishing. Deeply processing information is the best way to learn.

5. Create learning pathways.

Each time we encode a fact into the hippocampal area (memory center) of our brain, we create a learning pathway to that content that can later be traveled for retrieval at test time. Increasing the number of pathways to that encoded fact is the process of effective learning.

In items 2 and 3 of this list, you already paved the initial pathways! The first pathways include when you listened to the lecture, wrote notes, read the textbook, answered the teacher’s questions, and formatted study materials.

To pave additional pathways to test content, find creative ways to further engage with and elaborate on the material while you study. The more emotionally and cognitively meaningful the material is for you, the easier it will be to learn. For example, use the Internet to view the study material in a variety of vivid formats, such as illustrative maps, diagrams, pictures, speeches, or videos. Link the information to emotionally meaningful memories or associated topics. Study from a variety of locations. Form a study group and talk with others about the content.

6. Rehearse the information and practice retrieving it and applying it just like you would at test time.

If the test is multiple-choice, make up questions that would lead to memorized facts. If the test is an essay, practice outlining and writing essays on that material.

7. Study small chunks of material at a time over several days, eventually linking the chunks together.

Don’t cram at the last minute. Your brain needs time to deeply process newly learned material. It will even process when you’re not actively studying, even in your sleep! That means it’s best to learn and rehearse chunks of material over several days. By test time, the chunks will come together for easy, A+ retrieval.

 

Fostering the love of learning is the best thing we can do with our kids, that means helping them learn better and achieve a healthy balance on- and off-screen. For more learning tips, view my free video, “How to Study Effectively: Metacognition in Action.” 

I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetYourKidsInternetSafe.

Onward to More Awesome Parenting,

Tracy S. Bennett, Ph.D.
Mom, Clinical Psychologist, CSUCI Adjunct Faculty
GetKidsInternetSafe.com

Cyberbully: The New Monster in My Room

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Remember when your kids were little and scared of the monsters in their closet? You did everything you could to make them feel safe and ease their fear. Just when you thought your kids were old enough for the monsters to be gone, a new one may be lurking. This new monster is known as a cyberbully and may show up on their computer, tablet, or smartphone.

Did you know that 22% of kids between the ages of twelve and eighteen report either being a target or a perpetrator of cyberbullying (National Center for Education Statistics, 2013)? With most homes having access to the Internet and smartphones, this monster can enter without permission and disrupt teen lives 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. The effects of being harassed by one can be psychologically damaging and even deadly.

A cyberbully is a new threat for anybody who is online, even little guys who play educational games or use a search browser. A cyberbully is a person who intentionally and repeatedly harasses a person via text messages, instant messaging, social media sites, or through any form of screen contact. These types of bullies are worse than traditional schoolyard bullies, because their attacks follow someone home, making the attacks inescapable in a place that should be safe. Cyber-attacks tend to be more frequent and emotionally vicious, because the attacker is unable to see the victim’s reactions, making empathy for the victim far more difficult. The perpetrator can also remain anonymous and often communicates in packs on public social media posts to humiliate and frighten the victim.

Cyberbully attack methods:

Social networking site shaming

This type of harassment may include posting mean and untrue things or starting rumors about someone in order to humiliate or get a response. Social media posts can reach thousands of people at once and may generate large audiences that join in on the shaming or harassment.

Threatening violence or stalking

Threatening violence is used to make a person fearful wherever they go. It makes the perpetrator feel powerful. Threatening messages can be threats of bodily harm or threats of telling a secret or starting a rumor. Stalking can include sending repeated unwanted messages that can include the threats, explicit language, or inappropriate content.

Altered or explicit photo sharing

With many photo editing apps available, a cyberbully can take an innocent photo and turn it into something else to shame or embarrass their target. The photos can be used to make fun of someone or point out flaws for others to comment on (this can relate back to shaming). Once this type photo is posted and shared, it can become difficult to take down (Chisholm, 2014).

Consequences from cyberbullying:

Emotional distress

Shame, embarrassment, fear, sadness, and chronic stress resulting from cyberbullying can lead to psychological disorders such as depression and anxiety.

Isolation and loneliness

When children are being harassed online, they may withdraw from social activities and alienate themselves to avoid the harassment, causing them to miss out and feel alone.

Feeling powerless

After being harassed over and over again in their home on the computer and everywhere they go with their tablet or smartphone, children may feel like there is nothing they can do to stop it. Feeling powerless over the harassment can lead to lack of confidence and lowered self-esteem.

What can parents do?

Seek help from schools and law enforcement

With increasing awareness, schools are commonly required to add digital citizenship and etiquette to their curriculum. As a result, cyberbully rates continue to drop (National Center for Education Statistics, 2013). Although every situation is different, in more instances where cyberbullying interferes with a student’s ability to feel safe at school, administrators and/or law enforcement will take action. Even if the incident is outside of the school’s jurisdiction, academic staff may offer referrals to helpful resources.

Maintain a trusting and nurturing relationship with your child that includes filtering and monitoring

Most victims and attackers are heavy Internet users. Parents can reduce risk by setting parental controls and privacy settings on computers and Internet sites.

Avoid habitually taking away screen use when your child runs into online challenges

Impulsively taking away your child’s screens when trouble arises will seem like a punishment and may result in their withdrawal instead of coming to you for help. Instead provide supportive guidance and maintain sensible rules and regulations about online activities. Be nurturing and let them know you are there for them. The more trust they have in you, the more willing they will be to open up and talk.

Make sure they know the difference between a “target” and a “victim”

If your child has been targeted, help him/her feel empowered rather than a helpless victim. Using the word target is more likely to result in him actively seeking help and support rather than suffering in shameful silence (Nixon, C., 2014). Educate your child and teach etiquette and digital citizenship skills so your child knows what is appropriate to view and post.

Encourage social activities that are not screen related

The less time children spend online, the less likely they will become targets. Support their participation in sports, music, art, or afterschool activities. This can help with reasonable screen time limits, build confidence and self-esteem, and offer positive social support.

Make home a safe place to relax and forget about outside stress

Just like you did when they were a small child, keep the monsters out of your house and make your children feel safe at home. For more at home help keeping your family safe and connected check out the GKIS Connected Family Course. To see what programs schools are implementing to keeps our children cyberbully free, read the GKIS article, “How Schools Keep our Kids Internet Safe.”

KathleenThank you to Kathleen Gulden, CSUCI intern, for authoring this awesome GKIS article!

Onward to More Awesome Parenting,

Tracy S. Bennett, Ph.D.
Mom, Clinical Psychologist, CSUCI Adjunct Faculty
GetKidsInternetSafe.com

Works cited:

Adolescent cyberbullies and their victims may have physical, mental health problems. (2010). Mental Health Weekly Digest, 798.

Chisholm, J. (2014). Review of the status of cyberbullying and cyberbullying prevention.

Cyberpsychology: Journal of Psychosocial Research on Cyberspace, 8(4), article 6. doi: 10.5817/CP2014-4-6

Journal of Information Systems Education, 25(1), 77.

Nixon, Charisse L.“Current perspectives: the impact of cyberbullying on adolescent health.” Adolescent Health, Medicine & Therapeutics,5.default (2014): 143-58

Sabella, R. , Patchin, J. , & Hinduja, S. (2013). Cyberbullying myths and realities. Computers in Human Behavior, 29(6), 2703.

National Center for Education Statistics, 2013. https://nces.ed.gov/fastfacts/display.asp?id=719

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