Beauty and fashion trends have always changed with the season. But with social media, the pressures to conform have increased among adults and impact younger and younger kids. At what point do we intervene to minimize the dangerous effects that arbitrary beauty standards have on kids and teens? How do we discourage the consumption of damaging content surrounding body image? If you are concerned about the damaging content your family could be exposed to, check out our Screen Safety Essentials Course. This course provides you with the tools necessary to navigate the Internet more safely and avoid digital injury. Even better, it will bring you closer to your kids! Today’s GKIS article covers the controversies of trending body types, the damage they can do to young people, and creative ideas to keep your family safe.
Heroin chic is back!
Popularized in the early 1990s, heroin chic refers to the ideal female body type with defining features that include a very thin frame and an emaciated appearance.
In November 2022, the New York Post published an article titled ‘Bye-bye booty: Heroin chic is back,’ and it immediately sparked controversy online. The article claimed that the much thinner physique was “trendy” and celebrities like Bella Hadid and Kim Kardashian who have publicized radical weight loss sparked the recent shift in body trends.
The Shortened Lifespan of Online Trends
Media has a major impact on how we perceive ourselves and the world around us.[3] With the increasing use of social media, the lifespan of trends has drastically shortened. Instead of trends lasting for a couple of years, they now last for a couple of months. That means many women whiplash between fashion fads, radical diets, and costly beauty regimens. Just when it seems that we are making progress with body positivity, the return of heroin chic only proves that within industrialized countries such as the U.S., slender women tend to be seen as more attractive.[2]
Trends have fluctuated throughout the years, coming and going and coming back again. Before the most recent return of heroin chic was the ‘slim thick’ trend from the late 2010s. Slim thick means very curvy. It’s often only achieved through plastic surgery like breast and buttock enhancement surgery. Recently social media sites have also promoted filters that make one’s face fit the trending beauty standard. A small, upturned nose, full lips, and “fox eye” eye makeup are what are considered most attractive recently on apps such as TikTok and Instagram. Another GKIS article, Influencers Hurt Child Self-Esteem by Overusing Filters, touches on how filters that dramatically alter your face can have similar effects. Check it out to learn more.
What is the damage?
Body dissatisfaction is a major source of suffering among women of all ages.[1] The intense fluctuation of beauty standards and trends can lead to self-esteem issues, lack of motivation, depression, body dysmorphia and other eating disorders, and thoughts of suicide. All genders are at risk of becoming insecure about their physical appearance. However, the risk is higher for young girls because of rapid pubertal body change and because society has deemed a woman’s attractiveness to be integral to her self-worth and value.[1]
To avoid the potential development of body image insecurities, check out our Social Media Readiness Course. This course can help prepare your tween or teen to more safely navigate the Internet and avoid damaging content.
How can we protect our teens?
Talking with your children is one way to protect them against internalizing unrealistic trends and developing insecurities. Creating a safe space to hold conversations surrounding confidence and self-esteem can help. To help guide you through these sometimes difficult conversations, we’ve developed our free Connected Family Screen Agreement. Offered in short, easy chunks, our agreement will help you become your child’s ally when it comes to screen media and family safety.
Setting smart and justifiable parameters is also key for protection. If you are lost as to how to set up the rules and maintain cooperation, our Screen Safety Essentials Course has everything you need to be your family’s go-to expert.
Social media requires a whole new set of tools for child safety. For smart management, our Screen Safety Toolkit can help.
And for tweens and teens, our Social Media Readiness Course offers the red flags of digital injury and the psychological wellness tools that Dr. Bennett teaches in her practice. With a mastery quiz at the end of each module, you can be sure that the GKIS certification your teen earns at the end really means sometimes.
[1] Stapleton, P., Crighton, G. J., Carter, B., & Pidgeon, A. (2017). Self-esteem and body image in females: The mediating role of self-compassion and appearance contingent self-worth. The Humanistic Psychologist, 45(3), 238–257. https://doi-org.ezproxy.csuci.edu/10.1037/hum0000059
[3] Monks, H., Costello, L., Dare, J., & Reid Boyd, E. (2021). ‘We’re continually comparing ourselves to something’: Navigating body image, media, and social media ideals at the nexus of appearance, health, and wellness. Sex Roles: A Journal of Research, 84(3–4), 221–237. https://doi-org.ezproxy.csuci.edu/10.1007/s11199-020-01162-w
True crime is a popular trend that plays off our fascination with the morbid. As popular streaming services produce documentaries and dramatizations to meet the demand for true crime content, these crimes become less of a horrific event and more of a meme or something to live tweet. These exposés also tend to be led by actors who are well known for their looks, like Evan Peters, Zac Efron, and Ross Lynch, adding more to the romanticization of serial killers like Jeffrey Dahmer and Ted Bundy. Today’s article covers why this romanticization is dangerous and how you can keep your child safe from digital injury with our GKIS Screen Safety Toolkit.
Why has true crime skyrocketed in popularity?
Netflix’s recent limited-run Dahmer series has been viewed by 56 million households for a total of 701.37 million hours, putting it as their second most-viewed English Netflix series of all time.[1] In fact, true crime documentaries have covered the Netflix top 10 trending list for a combined total of 232 days, meaning that if your child is logging into Netflix, chances are they will be suggested one of these exposés.[2] There is no denying that true crime is hot content, and it does not seem to be declining in popularity anytime soon. This begs the question of why our society and humans, in general, are so obsessed with the morbid acts of our fellow human beings.
Evolutionary scientists have attributed this obsession to the fact that murder, rape, and theft have been part of our society for as long as humanity has existed. We are fascinated with learning about the facts of true crime as a form of human preservation and how we can protect ourselves and our families from the same fate.[3]
Psychologists agree and add that we also feel a sort of elation at these stories, glad that we are not the victims of such a crime. They also believe that we feel elated that we are not the perpetrator of the crime either.[4] This suggests on some level that we can relate to the perpetrator, a feeling that adds to the romanticization of criminals.
Psychology and Social Effects of Romanticizing Criminals
Movie violence as shown in true crime documentaries and dramatizations has been shown to have real lasting effects on viewers, including overall desensitization to real-life violence. A study found that youth with medium levels of exposure to TV/movie violence had much lower blood pressure when viewing violent media compared to those with low exposure.[5] These results show that sustained exposure to violent media leads to emotional numbing when presented with violence.
Following the release of the 2019 film Extremely Wicked, Shockingly Evil and Vile, in which Ted Bundy is played by Zac Efron, a concerning TikTok trend began of young girls dressing up as Bundy’s victims using makeup to create blood, bruising, and bite marks on their skin.[6]
These exposés create an impression on children and teens that they are not real events, but rather just make-believe, a trend, or a meme. The use of conventionally attractive actors to play these criminals leads to the romanticization of their crimes. This delusion creates hardships for the families of these crimes who watch as the atrocities their family faced are reduced to trends and memes online.
Mother of Dahmer victim Tony Hughes, Shirley Hughes, shared that learning about the series and its content brought her to tears. She told The Guardian, “I shed tears. They’re not tears of sorrow, and it’s not disbelief in the Lord. The tears [are] tears of hurt because it hurts. It hurts real bad.”[7] Not only do these exposés hurt our children, but they hurt the families of these violent crimes and cause them to relieve their trauma publicly over and over.
What Parents Can Do
If your child is interested in true crime, it is important to express to them that is okay and understandable. Notable psychologists believe that interest in crime is healthy and something that is natural, so long as that interest is confined to health habits.[8] Express to your child that these true crime stories are more than just a “limited-run show” but something that has real-life effects on people. Perhaps even share with them the thoughts and feelings of the families of these crimes as an empathy-building exercise.
Another important action you can take is to look at parental guides online for the media your child is consuming so that you can understand exactly what is in it. Also, sit and watch the show together so that you can fast forward through anything inappropriate and have a conversation about it.
To help guide you in these healthy conversations, check out our GKIS Connected Families Screen Agreement to work with your child to create a collaborative, living document.
If you fear your child may be watching these true crime exposés without your knowledge and permission, check out our GKIS Screen Safety Toolkit. This toolkit helps to empower parents and provides them with smart tech tools to filter, monitor, and manage online behavior.
Thanks to CSUCI intern, Katherine Carroll for researching true crime exposés and the romanticization of serial killers. To learn more about true crime and its consequences check out our article, “Is Your Child Following True Crime?”.
I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetKidsInternetSafe.
We love the constant, on-demand access to the Internet. Almost nothing can compete. But we all have those times when we wonder, is it too much? How does frequent access to tech impact our brains? Is there a detrimental effect when our brains are still maturing? Might it be negatively affecting our children’s mental health? Does what we view make a difference? Where is the line drawn between staying up to date on current events versus compulsively consuming distressing news? Ensure that your family is protected from excessive negativity online with our Screen Safety Essentials Course. This mega course offers all GKIS course content for parents and families to provide the tools necessary to navigate the internet safely and grow closer as a family. Today’s GKIS article covers the dangers of doom-scrolling and what can be done to prevent it.
What is ‘doom-scrolling’?
Doom-scrolling refers to the excessive consumption of distressing online news coverage. This phenomenon increased exponentially as people became more active on the internet in conjunction with the rise of concerning national and international news. On the one hand, staying informed may be a coping mechanism. Browsing opportunities allow people to “reassert control over the situation” by actively seeking knowledge about a novel context or threat.[1]
For example, during the height of the Covid-19 pandemic, many people became obsessed with news about variants, vaccines, and the number of cases around the world and within one’s local county.
Another example of doom-scrolling is the high viewer rate of news about the Black Lives Matter protests during the summer of 2020. It was too easy to become glued to our screens watching videos documenting police brutality and protester violence unfiltered and in real time on TV, Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, and TikTok. The desire to stay up to date on this hot topic social movement grew so intense that people commonly spent several hours a day watching violent videos.
Our Attention Has Been Commodified
In recent years, scary news items permeate the airwaves, with reports of mass shootings and alarming weather events due to climate change. The public’s trust in the government has reached an all-time low, with divisively high levels of partisanship and serious concerns about U.S. democracy. Sensationalistic and divisive programming that sparks outrage is intelligently designed to capture our attention and keep us watching. Media and social media companies recognize that more eyes on the story result in more profit.
Internalizing Negativity
Negative media and news coverage can affect our mood and hopes for the future. Anxiety, depression, and the adoption of a nihilistic outlook may result from doom-scrolling. Constant exposure to negative news content can lead to a low expectation for positive future outcomes which can lead to feelings of hopelessness – a primary precursor to suicidality.[3] For example, a doom-scrolling teenager may be led to wonder if applying for college is worth it if global warming is going to end the world by 2030, or even consider if it’s worth staying alive to witness the decline. Staying informed can come with a serious mental cost.[2]
Compulsive Use and Desensitization
Twitter, YouTube, Facebook, and TikTok are popular social media sites that offer real-time footage of violence. From intense protests and desperate attempts to escape a mass shooting to families trying to escape the horrors of war. There’s no end to the horrific content you can consume.
Gen Z social media users (born between the years 1997-2013) particularly possess a collective passion for activism and justice paired with a prominent collective online presence. However, this drive seems to also come with an obsession with sharing, retweeting, and reblogging violent content to encourage others to stay up to date. While this may have the good intention of bringing attention to serious issues, the constant access to intense videos, photos, and articles desensitizes consumers. To read more about how Gen Z online users differ from Millenials, check out my GKIS article Millennials, Gen Z, and the Internet: Generational Divides.
Compare and Despair
A demanding social media presence may also lead to a more negative self-appraisal. Children, tweens, and teens are especially susceptible to compare and despair due to an immature personal identity and impoverished life experience. The more the individual relates to the influencer, the more impact the content may have. Our GKIS article, Is My Selfie Good Enough? How Screen Media Drives Beauty Pressures That Distress Kids and Teens, dives deeper into how social media can heighten comparison and feelings of inadequacy. Check it out to learn more.
PTSD
Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a mental disorder in which a person struggles to recover from experiencing or witnessing a traumatic event. Our article, Live Streaming Can Cause PTSD in Adults and Children, discussed the different ways online violence can lead to PTSD. In Kids Watched a Facebook Live Suicide That Turned Into a Trending Meme, desensitization and the impact of watching shocking and violent content on the mind and body are discussed. And in Graphic Livestream Horrors, the dangers of watching violent events unfold in real-time and the tolerance of violence are discussed. This series provides additional information on what can happen to those who excessively consume violent content online, as well as how to protect your children from such possible outcomes.
Children with social media accounts unintentionally come across negative news coverage because social media algorithms suggest videos and posts after even the slightest interaction, which can expose them to increasingly inappropriate content. To help your tweens and teens avoid inappropriate content and avoid doom-scrolling and desensitization, check out our Social Media Readiness Course. This course can help prepare your kids for safer screen use and prevent psychological illness with emotional wellness tools.
How To Protect Your Children While Staying Informed
Parental Supervision
Children, tweens, and teens are particularly susceptible to distressing online content. Our Screen Safety Toolkit offers an outcome-based resource guide with recommendations and links to our favorite parental control systems necessary for effective parental supervision.
Stay Informed
Our free GKIS blog articles offer a great way to stay in the know on all topics surrounding internet culture and safety, which can help parents keep their children safe from digital injury.
Have Important Family Conversations
Our free Connected Family Screen Agreement provides tools to educate and empower families to set digital boundaries and expectations while building stronger family relationships. Having group discussions about tech, mental health, and current events offer an important way to educate kids and answer your child with openness and honesty at a developmental level they can understand.
Dr. Bennett believes that providing children and teens the skills necessary to navigate the internet responsibly is important for not only individual development but for family development, which is why the Connected Family Course can help families connect and avoid potential digital injury. Finding a middle ground between education and overexposure exists and it can be implemented safely.
Thanks to CSUCI intern Tracy Pizano for researching doom-scrolling online and its effects on the mental health of those who participate in the habit and for co-authoring this article.
I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetKidsInternetSafe.
[1] Buchanan, K., Aknin, L. B., Lotun, S., & Sandstrom, G. M. (2021). Brief exposure to social media during the COVID-19 pandemic: Doom-scrolling has negative emotional consequences, but kindness-scrolling does not. PLoS ONE, 16(10). https://doi-org.ezproxy.csuci.edu/10.1371/journal.pone.0257728
[2] Price, M., Legrand, A. C., Brier, Z. M. F., van Stolk-Cooke, K., Peck, K., Dodds, P. S., Danforth, C. M., & Adams, Z. W. (2022). Doomscrolling during COVID-19: The negative association between daily social and traditional media consumption and mental health symptoms during the COVID-19 pandemic. Psychological Trauma: Theory, Research, Practice, and Policy. https://doi-org.ezproxy.csuci.edu/10.1037/tra0001202
[3] Hepburn, S. R., Barnhofer, T., & Williams, J. M. G. (2009). The future is bright? Effects of mood on perception of the future. Journal of Happiness Studies: An Interdisciplinary Forum on Subjective Well-Being, 10(4), 483–496. https://doi-org.ezproxy.csuci.edu/10.1007/s10902-008-9102-9
Even with parental oversight, children are often exposed to harmful and dangerous ideas on the internet. It’s too easy for an online influencer to gain a large platform to spread radical ideas and infect highly impressionable kids. Andrew Tate, a person who skyrocketed to internet fame in 2022, is one of these influencers. Tate is well-known for creating violent and sexist online content and has amassed billions of views. Children have unprecedented, unfiltered access to this information everywhere, particularly on social media platforms. But with Dr. Bennett’s Social Media Readiness Course, you can help your tween or teen learn to navigate social media more safely. Even one view is too many. Check out our Social Media Readiness Course today. Today’s GKIS article describes the wildly popular platform of Andrew Tate and details the risks that may be posed to your child online – and how to avoid them!
Who is Andrew Tate?
Andrew Tate is a hugely popular American-British social media personality who gives men and young boys dating, financial, and life advice. He was a four-time world champion kickboxer that appeared on the TV show Big Brother in 2016. This was short-lived as Tate was fired from the show due to a video that surfaced on the internet of him beating a woman with a belt.
Tate then founded a website called Hustler’s University where he offers online courses about how to make money from online business. You also get access to his private Discord server, where there is more information about making money through crypto, E-commerce, and stocks. Various reviews about Hustler’s University allege much of the information being sold can be found on other websites for free. Many people have also described it as a multi-level marketing scam.
Tate claims his financial success is from his webcam business and crypto. However, the ethics of how he gained his wealth is questionable. In April 2022, Tate and his brother Tristan were raided by the Romanian police due to a tip from the US embassy that a young American woman was being held hostage in their home in Romania. Authorities have stated that there is an ongoing investigation into human trafficking and rape allegations.
His Meteoric Rise (and Downfall) to Internet Fame
It is almost impossible to be on social media without seeing a clip of Andrew Tate voicing his controversial opinions. He started gaining popularity during the early summer of 2022. His popularity skyrocketed on various social media platforms such as Instagram, Tiktok, and Twitter. He has appeared on multiple popular podcasts and Twitch streams. He also has his own YouTube channel called Tate Speech.
Involuntary Celibates
The statements Tate has shared on social media follow the ideology of the involuntary celibate (incel) movement, an online subculture of self-identified involuntarily celibate men who express hateful attitudes towards other men who are successful with women and hold misogynistic beliefs. In the article, Could Your Son be an Incel in the Making?, we deep dive into the incel movement and explain how to protect your children from online hate groups.
In a clip discussing the #MeToo movement, Tate said, “If you put yourself in a position to be r***d, you must bear some responsibility.” In another viral TikTok video, he says, “It’s bang out the machete, boom in her face, and grip her by the neck. Shut up bitch” if a woman were to accuse him of cheating. He has gained 4.3 million Instagram followers with many of these videos reaching billions of views.
Rightfully so, Tate’s rhetoric has sparked enormous public outcry. Yet many people post support for his outrageous statements. Unfortunately, even bad attention is good attention on social media. Too often the loudest and most controversial influencers attract the biggest followings. Many social media platforms such as Tiktok, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and YouTube banned him.
Potential Risks Children May Face
Sadly, kids don’t have the cognitive skills or experience to successfully maneuver through the complex moral dilemmas posed on social media. Sometimes they emulate influencers because they see that it attracts attention. Teachers have been sharing their experiences of hearing young students repeating things Andrew Tate has said to other students and are alarmed about his influence.
Potential risks children may face when exposed to inappropriate online hate speech include:
a sense of inferiority and shame
hateful attitudes and beliefs about women that can have long-term impacts on the ability to develop healthy relationships
low self-esteem
desensitization to immoral ideas
exposure to scammers and those intending to exploit kids
mental health problems
Here’s What You Can Do
Andrew Tate is not the first and won’t be the last to spread dangerous rhetoric on the internet. Get equipped with the proper tools to help you and your children stay safe while surfing the wild web. Check out our most comprehensive parent and family course, our Screen Safety Essentials Course. This course provides you with parenting and family coaching videos, support, and other valuable information to help you build a safer screen home environment.
Thanks to CSUCI intern, Liliana Esquivel, for discussing the popular platform of Andrew Tate and detailing the risks that may be posed to children online.
I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetKidsInternetSafe.
Tiktok is a massively popular app that has been downloaded over three billion times with 60% of those users between the ages of 16-24.[1] Because teens make up the majority of users, they are susceptible to exposure to harmful trends on the platform. Reality shifting is one of these trends. The hashtag #shifting on TikTok has received 9.1 billion views. This trend may seem harmless at first glance. But if you take a second look, it turns out to be a double-edged sword. Today’s GKIS article explains reality shifting and breaks down how popular internet trends can affect your child’s mental health. You can help educate your teen on how to use social media in a safe and positive way with our Social Media Readiness Course. With a steeply discounted price, it’s worth every penny.
What is reality shifting?
Reality shifting, or shifting, is a process of allowing your consciousness to move from one reality to another. Many allege that the realities they are shifting to are real. But the majority of people in the shifting community admit that it’s similar to lucid dreaming but more vivid and realistic.
There are several ways people claim to shift, but they all essentially include meditation and the need for the individual to be in a peaceful environment where they can focus.
One well-known technique is called the raven method. This method has you lie down in a starfish position and count to 100 while picturing your desired reality. A second common way to shift is named the Alice in Wonderland method where you imagine yourself chasing after someone from your desired reality and jumping down a rabbit hole with them.
The authoring or scripting of a dream or desired reality, often referred to as DRs on TikTok, is a crucial component of shifting. Shifters write their lives within DRs. Hogwarts is an example of a very common DR in the shifting community. Scripting includes how the individual looks, who they interact with, and how they behave.
From Coping Strategy to Unhealthy Obsession
Many shifters say they are seeking a way to escape a world that is getting more hectic, suggesting that building the perfect world and living there helps one avoid real-life and mental health problems.
In an interview with Insider Mallory Grimste, an adolescent therapist, stated, “The idea of imagining or visualizing yourself in a different reality can be a very healthy coping strategy for many.” and that “many therapists will often help their clients create their own ‘calm, safe space’ to visualize when they need to re-regulate difficult emotional responses and experiences.”
However, some teens have made numerous Tiktok videos detailing how they shift for 15 hours at a time and wish they could exist only in their desired reality. They have also admitted that shifting had a negative impact on their mental health. One teen stated that she stopped shifting because it became an obsession. She claimed that, because she was continually focused on her dream reality, she “stopped liking things” in day-to-day existence.
In an interview with Insider, Professor of psychology Phillip Reid of Cardiff University in Wales claims that reality shifting can cause people to become disconnected from reality. He said that this could be a “predictor of psychosis.” He also explains how younger people without a strong sense of self may be in danger of adopting numerous new identities because they can become estranged from reality.
How You Can Help
As long as teens are on the internet, they will be subject to popular online trends that may be harmful to their health and well-being. But with Dr. B’s Screen Safety Essentials Course, you can strengthen family bonds and create healthy screen time. This course offers beneficial parenting information in the form of short videos and colorful downloads. Learn how to connect closer as a family so you can be well-prepared to prevent and handle the risks that come with being online!
Thanks to CSUCI intern, Liliana Esquivel, for explaining the popular Tiktok trend, “reality shifting” and discussing how viral internet trends can affect your teen’s mental health.
I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetKidsInternetSafe.
Drug addiction is on the rise with many drug dealers finding teen customers on social media.[1] Once engaged with the dealer, teens are vulnerable to drug use, solicitation for nude photos and videos, coercion, extortion, and even violence. Once hooked, dealers may also use their victims to recruit other teens. Improving their methods one teen at a time, dealers become experts at persuading kids to try that first pill, often lying about what it is and how it may affect them. Most parents would deny that their kids are at risk, insisting that they’ve spoken to them and know their kids would never be so foolish. But if you’re not tracking content on your kids’ devices because you believe they deserve digital privacy, can you be so sure? To help close risk gaps and set appropriate expectations, check out our Screen Safety Essentials Course. With weekly family and parenting videos, you can be confident that you are doing all you can to protect your kids from risks like these. Today’s GKIS article shares a true story about a 16-year-old girl who got caught up in this shocking series of tragic events driven by social media use. Learn about how she got started, the workarounds she used, and what her parents would recommend to help keep your teens safe.
Morgan’s Story
Tom recently shared a tragic story with us about his 16-year-old stepdaughter, Morgan. Morgan is like any high school sophomore. She loves fashion, her friends, and her 17-year-old boyfriend, Parker. She earns straight As and loves to ride horses. Tom and his wife Julie frequently have Morgan’s friends and boyfriend over to the house to hang out and occasionally Morgan and Parker would go out too. Parker seemed like a good kid, and they insisted on meeting his parents right from the beginning. They didn’t think twice when, over time, Morgan started mouthing off, rolling her eyes, and pushing back against the rules. They figured it was normal adolescent boundary-pushing. Besides, Julie and Morgan moved to this new community only a year ago before Tom and Julie got married. They figured there would be some growing pains as she figured out her new school and friend situation.
Over time, however, Morgan’s defiance escalated. She was constantly on her phone, isolating herself in her room, coming home past curfew, and eventually started sneaking out at odd times “to go for a walk.” Grounding her and taking her phone didn’t seem to help, and Julie was reticent to repeatedly punish her due to the screaming fights that would ensue when she tried to implement consequences. Julie felt like maintaining a cooperative alliance with Morgan was more effective than punishment. So, she worked hard to spend time with her daughter and felt that she’d grow out of the teen attitude.
More Than Teen Rebellion
Tom realized it was more than teen rebellion when his neighbor, who worked in law enforcement, came by and
reported that he’d seen Morgan buying drugs from different men that would drive up to her during her walks. Julie and Tom were shocked and terrified. They put Morgan into therapy and drug-tested her. When she came up positive for multiple drugs, they put her in intensive outpatient therapy for teens who abuse drugs. They tightened up on their rules and hoped that everything would sort out now that Morgan was getting professional help.
Over time, Morgan’s attitude got better, and she said she liked her therapists. Until one day Julie discovered fentanyl tablets in Morgan’s room and realized they needed to investigate further. Although Julie was still reticent to invade Morgan’s privacy, Tom insisted they confiscate Morgan’s phone and restrict social media and socializing privileges until they could better understand and control the situation.
Phone Content Reveals the “Real” Story
When they accessed Morgan’s phone, they discovered she was swept up in many dealings with multiple drug dealers, most of them adults and some in gangs. They also saw text exchanges that demonstrated that she and her boyfriend were offering nude photos and videos of them having sex in exchange for drugs. It was also clear that Morgan had sex with some of the dealers in exchange for drugs. Julie and Tom were heartbroken and reached out to law enforcement.
From the phone content, several arrests ensued and Morgan filed a restraining order against Parker. The videos revealed that both teens were under the influence during the sexual encounters and Parker may even be charged with a crime since Morgan is heard saying “no” in some of the videos.
Morgan was immediately enrolled in an online charter school and has been admitted to several inpatient drug rehabilitation programs. She takes the prescription drug, Suboxone, to help her avoid opioid withdrawal and stay off fentanyl. Tom and Julie deleted her social media profiles and don’t allow her any screen use except when she borrows her mom’s phone for browsing here and there. Despite these measures, she has found alternative ways to communicate with old friends by using and sneaking other people’s devices and using the computers at school. As she “unlearns” the manipulative, unhealthy behaviors typical of addiction, she has been kicked out of various schools, friend groups, extracurricular activities, treatment centers, and therapy groups. It will be a long road to healing for Morgan. Although Julie and Tom did the best they could, they wish they would have done more and sooner.
Tom’s Take-Away Advice
When we asked Tom what he wish he’d have done, he shared the following suggestions:
If I had known how rampant drug sales are among middle and high school students on social media platforms like Snapchat and Instagram, I would not have allowed any social media until the age of 16 minimum
I would have set up more stringent monitoring on all devices and computers, and I would have provided a talk-and-text-only phone with no way to add apps and no way to access the Internet until the age of 16.
I would have volunteered to be the pickup parent instead of the drop-off. Kids are smart. They knew I would catch them if they were under the influence when I picked them up.
I would have shut off our Wi-Fi network every night and checked which devices were using our Wifi. Morgan was able to sneak a “burner phone” at night until he realized that he could monitor WiFi use.
Finally, I would have set up random drug testing as a general policy. Parents who assume that they have no reason to drug test their kids because they’re athletes, straight-A students, or generally good kids still can’t be confident their kids are not being influenced by dangerous others. Drug testing is an insurance policy to help keep your kids alive.
If you want to get into smart parenting habits before your kids run into trouble:
Use our free Connected Family Screen Agreement (and weekly GKIS Blog articles) to set rules and expectations when your kids first get ownership over digital devices and social media platforms. The first rule is that nothing on your device is private, and parents get anytime access.
Purchase our Screen Safety Essentials Course to support the whole family and parenting team for better screen safety and a more honest and cooperative home life.
Check out Social Media Readiness Course for tweens and teens. This course offers 10 modules that teach screen safety issues and psychological wellness tools to optimize mental health in both real-life and digital landscapes. Each module offers a quiz to demonstrate mastery of content.
Finally, talk to your kids, be consistent with monitoring and screen use rules, and don’t assume they won’t experiment with dangerous situations. To learn more about which social media platforms are popular for drug deals and the emoticons they use, check out our article A Teen’s Addicts Confessions About Online Workarounds.
I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetKidsInternetSafe.
Thanks to CSUCI intern, Katherine Carroll for researching true crime exposés and the romanticization of serial killers. To learn more about true crime and its consequences check out our article, 
