In a generation that places social media “likes” at a higher importance than registering to vote, it’s no surprise that screen technology has become critical to friendship and entertainment. As my father would say, “We have the world at our fingertips.” Not only can we research smart investments, how to cook a Thanksgiving dinner, or recent celebrity exploits, we can escape into social media. The virtual lives of teens can be particularly consuming as they constantly craft and brand their virtual selves. Self-presentation and self-disclosure are among the major reasons teens use social media.[1]
Studies have found that unmanaged screen time can deteriorate real-life interpersonal relationships and can lead to social isolation. This is not to suggest that we must go screen-free. Instead, we at GKIS encourage parents to support their kids and teens to best navigate a positive screen-using experience. Signing up for the Free GKIS Connected Family Agreement is a valuable first step towards learning how to properly monitor technology usage while developing a trusting and loving environment for families.
Our Connected Family Agreement isn’t just a digital contract. It’s a flexible blueprint that will lead your family into important discussions about what to look out for and what’s expected. After all, if we don’t have an agreement and learn to talk about screen use, even sensible management rules won’t make sense. Parents will get mad, and kids will get in trouble too often. None of us want that.
Topics our agreement covers include
taking inventory of online activities,
how to “love and protect” online as well as offline,
how to maintain honesty and transparency,
screen smarts and digital permanence,
and digital citizenship, online reputation, and netiquette.
When you sign up on our GetKidsInternetSafe home page, you’ll receive the child and teen versions of the Connected Family Agreement in your email. Today’s GKIS article covers issues to keep an eye out for as teens launch their lifetime relationships with tech.
Media Multitasking
Media multitaskingis the use of different media simultaneously, for example, listening to music while playing a video game or texting while watching a movie. Research shows that media multitasking can lead to performance decline due to an overload of cognitive resources. Too much time spent in mental brownout can lead to mental illnesses like depression or anxiety. To learn more about media multitasking, check out our GKIS article Smartphones During Homework?
Social Media’s Effects on Friendship
Psychology research has also explored how smartphones affect friendship quality and face-to-face interactions. Here are the findings:
People rely heavily on social media to develop and maintain relationships with family and friends.[4]
Teens tend to move towards a group that is highly susceptible to negative psychological and behavioral outcomes from social media use.[5]
Teens who obsessively engage in self-presentation on social media may be more susceptible to psychological stress.[6]
Adolescents who appreciate having greater control over message content may prefer smartphone communication rather than face-to-face because they are allowed more time to edit response when behind a screen.[7]
In 2013, college students reported lower feelings of trust and empathetic understanding when there was a smartphone in the room, especially when intimate topics were being discussed.[8]
In 2014, women reported that mobile devices frequently interrupted quality time with romantic partners, and the more frequent interruptions, the lower their relationship satisfaction.[9]
Some teens seek media to help cope with negative emotional states.[10]
Friends who get distracted by their smartphones are more likely to report poor conversations and decreased access to emotional cues, which could reduce their opportunities to build a long-term mature sense of intimacy.[11]
Internet use has been associated with depression and suicidal ideation between the ages of 13 and 18.[12]
The distractions imposed by smartphones are of great concern considering that intimacy development is a critical skill in emerging adulthood.[13]
Internalizing Behaviors to Look Out For
Depression and anxiety are among the leading internalizing behavior diagnoses for teens.[14]
What type of parental monitoring leads to the best results?
Research has shown that parental media monitoring can be effective at reducing the negative effects of media.[16]
Active monitoringrefers to media-based conversations reviewing what content the teen is allowed to view and post.
Restrictive monitoringrefers to parents imposing restrictions around the amount of screen time teens are allowed.
Supportive restrictive media monitoring refers to a parent placing limits on their child’s media use but also taking the time to explain why the rule is important and engaging in mutual feedback in setting rules and limits.
Active monitoring is the most effective type or parental monitoring for promoting autonomy (the child making good independent decisions) because the parent encourages open conversation. This approach promotes critical thinking about the differences between the on-screen world and the real world. When a teen can take charge of their media usage, they are better equipped to engage in critical thinking and learn to make decisions about technology based on internalized values, rather than being instructed by their parents.
Autonomy-supportive approaches are associated with lower levels of depression and anxiety. Whereas controlling parenting styles can encourage teens to spend more time on their smartphones as an escape to express themselves. Teens may not feel comfortable enough to open up to their parents and are more likely to internalize problems instead of reaching out to parents for support.
Overall, teens of all ages can benefit from screen-use rules and limits if they are conducted constructively. We encourage parents to allow enough space for their kids to develop their sense of identity and the free will to make their own decisions. With the help of Screen Time in the Mean Time: A Parenting Guide to Get Kids Internet Safe, you can learn how to properly monitor and protect your teens while still allowing a sense of autonomy. Our goal at GKIS is to prevent issues that may come up related to screen use before treatment is necessary.
Thanks to Isabel Campos for her research and help with writing this article.
Although parenting in the digital world may seem impossible, taking time to understand and learn will allow parents to better connect and relate to their teens. Interested in sharing this information and additional findings with other parents? Be sure to follow GKIS on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter for more.
I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetKidsInternetSafe.
Instagram is the second most popular social media app among teens, with 78% using the social media platform in 2018. Instagram has become a necessary tool to manage relationships and participate in public culture.[1] Teens love to develop their virtual identities, follow friends and popular celebrities, and keep track of popular culture. Relative to other platforms, Instagram is easy to use, encourages creative content with photo filters, and has privacy and protective report features that are easy to access. But there are danger potentials and parenting strategies you should be aware of before you give permission for this social media staple.
What is Instagram?
Instagram is a free mobile social media app that offers photo or video sharing to followers or a select group of friends. Videos range from 3 to 15 seconds. All you need to sign up is an email address and a username (a phone number is optional).
How long has it been around and how popular is it?
Instagram was created by Stanford graduates Kevin Systrom and Mike Krieger and launched in October 2010. Within two months, Instagram gained over a million users. In 2011, Apple named Instagram iPhone app of the year. In April 2012, Instagram was acquired by Facebook for a billion dollars. As of April 2019, Instagram has 500 million daily active users.[2] It is the gateway app for most young social media users.
How old is old enough for adoption?
Instagram Terms of Use state, “You must be at least 13 years old to use the Service.” I recommend sixth grade as the youngest adoption age for Instagram and only under the following conditions:
Require your child to create a persuasive PowerPointthat covers risks, benefits, and privacy and protection features so you both know the ins and outs of Instagram’s features. For more information about how to create and judge a persuasive PowerPoint about a social media app along with other useful screen safety strategies, check out our Connected Family Online Course.
Add it to your free GKIS Connected Family Agreement as an “OK” or a “not yet,” so parameters, rules and regulations, and etiquette issues are understood. (If you haven’t downloaded it yet, enter your name and email on our GetKidsInternetSafe home page and it will be emailed immediately.)
Require the account to be set to private and you agree on the number and nature of followers and frequency of posting.
Ensure you are friended and you have their username and password for backside control.
Instagram Basics
Instagram’s big appeal is its image-based simplicity. Here are its regularly used features:
Stories (like Snapchat) that allow the user to post a collection of photos or videos to their profile. The story lasts 24 hours then disappears.
Your personal photo & video collection profile with captions that others can love, comment, and share.
Photo filters that offer limited editings, like color and hue.
Option to tag and @mention others or your post.
Links to other social media platforms including Facebook, Twitter, and Tumblr.
The ability to search and explore public profiles and follow favorites, like celebrity profiles.
Instagram offers suggestions of videos and posts you might like as well as potential FB contacts to follow.
What are Instagram’s popular features?
Direct Messenger allows users to start a conversation with friends.
Send messages, photos, videos, and posts. You can even video chat with up to 6 friends.
Watch long-form videos where users can create and watch videos that are not limited to one minute.
Similar to Stories or photos and videos you see in your Feed, you can like, comment, or share IGTV videos with friends.
Shop as You Scroll allows users to find products in your Feed and Stories that you’re curious about.
Tap the Product Tag to see the price, item name, and even have the ability to buy it directly from Instagram. There is also a save ion that will automatically add the item to your private Shopping Collection.
Search & Explore offers fresh content based on people you follow and posts you like.
Refresh the Explore page to see a new set of photos and videos, all created based on your interests.
Close Friendsallows for private messaging and posting to occur on Instagram, similar to private stories on Snapchat.
Start at the main page of Instagram, press the top-right icon of three bars, choose which followers you’d like to add to your list, and press Done.
What is included in the personal profile?
Number of posts, followers, and following
Username (can be a nickname)
Bio (like a website and other social media contact info here like Kik messenger, Skype, Facebook)
Your collection of photos and videos with the date posted, likes, and comments
Tagged photos and videos of you
Photos and videos you save
What are the privacy options?
Profiles are set to public by default. To change this, follow these steps:
Go to the settings icon, select the Privacy icon, and under Account Privacy turn the Private Account toggle on to require the approval of follow requests. If your profile is private, posts will not appear on the EXPLORE tab and only followers can see your posts.
Teens typically create more than one account for improved privacy options. Instagram allows you to simply toggle between the two. I require my teens to keep even their main profile on “private.” But they also generate a second account, offered referred to as a “Finsta” (a spam Instagram account) where they only friend their closest friends. Be aware that the posts on the finsta accounts are where the most questionable content is posted. Don’t forget to spot-check those from your child’s phone directly. You can’t just assume you’ll see everything they are up to on your feed.
Be aware that if your child posts other contact information on their profile (like Skype or Kik usernames), the public can view that and reach out to them even if their post is set to “private.” Another tricky workaround that people aren’t usually aware of is that if you SHARE your Instagram post on another social media platform like Twitter, your Twitter followers can click on the link and see your private post.
What Instagram trends and slang should I know about?
Clickbait: The practice of using a provocative title with the sole purpose of driving clicks.
Finsta: “Fake Instagram account.” Followed by a close circle of friends where teens post their casual, authentic side, where they can let their guard down a bit, act silly and not edit out every blemish.
#influencer: Instagram is becoming a huge platform for brands to publicize their company. 48.8% of brands use Instagram for promotional purposes. They pay people who are “Instagram famous” to show these brands on their profiles.
Rinsta: “Real Instagram account.” Usually accessible by a wider audience for teens polished and idealized selves.
Slide into someone’s DMs: The practice of randomly sending a DM to someone.
Throwing shade: The act of publicly denouncing or disrespecting someone. Often used in reference to sarcastic remarks against someone or something.
VSCO: The term originally referred to an app used for simple photo edits. It is now commonly used to make fun of girls who use the app.[3]
What are the risks for use?
Cyberbully potential:
Bullies posting unflattering or humiliating tagged or @mentioned photos and videos (@drtracybennett is a loser).
Cruel comments or hashtags (#annoying).
Fake accounts and impersonation.
Influencers making certain activities or expensive clothes/makeup seem normal.
Tracking potential:
Users can include contact information on comments or in their bio. Although posts are set to private, anyone can see your profile photo, username, and bio.
Photos and videos may be geotagged so the location can be tracked. For safety, turn off this feature on your device by turning off the “location” option for “camera.” To prevent Instagram from capturing your location on the iPhone, go to the phone’s settings, tap Instagram, select Location, and choose the “Never” option.
Attention-seeking potential:
Users often try to attract large numbers of followers with poor posting or comment choices.
There are numerous other apps that are affiliated with Instagram and they give the option to buy likes for your posts and even buy more followers.
Inappropriate content potential:
Sexualized, cutting, violent, politicized, and eating disorder images and inappropriate memes are commonplace and easily found when viewing photos and videos from the Explore tab.
Ability to send and receive instant messages, photos, or videos directly:
If your child’s profile is public anyone, including Instagram users your child does not follow, can send them messages, photos, or videos directly. If your child’s account is private, then the messages will be sent to their “message requests” instead of directly to their inbox. From there, you or your child can proceed to decline or accept the message. If one ignores the request folder, the sent item will disappear after two weeks.
What are the protection features?
By setting your profile to private, only followers can see your posts and stories. (There is an option to let anyone see your Stories, followers or not, make sure this setting is turned off). However, keep in mind that ANYONE can see your profile information (profile image, username, and bio), even non-followers.
If you come across an inappropriate photo (or you are tagged inappropriately), go to your profile page, select the three-line icon located at the top right corner above “Edit Profile”, select “Settings”, and “Report a Problem” in the Help area. From there Instagram offers many categories for the report with specific instructions.
Spam or Abuse
Something Isn’t Working
General Feedback
Image or Video Quality Issue
After the Block or Report is completed, that person cannot search for you or view your photos. However, mutual followers can still see your likes and comments on other people’s pictures. Blocked users can also still @mention you. You will receive a notification that they mentioned you but it will not show you the comment they made unless you unblock them. You must change your username to avoid mentions.
If an unwanted comment on your page appears, simply swipe on it and select the “!” icon to report Spam or Scam or Abusive Content or simply trash it.
Review your profile often and delete old or questionable photos.
Finesse your posts to favorably reflect positive activities, experiences, and character traits (like a digital resume).
Track your time.
Parents – check for extra accounts and other social media follow requests.
Social media can be really fun, but it has its risks. If you think your child is ready for an Instagram account or if they are on it and you want to optimize safety and resilience, YOU WILL LOVE OUR GKIS Social Media Readiness Training Course. It covers social media risks to digital injury and teaches tweens and teens the psychological wellness tools they need to thrive!
Thanks to Isabel Campos for her research and help with writing this article.
I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetKidsInternetSafe.
Onward to More Awesome Parenting,
Tracy S. Bennett, Ph.D.
Mom, Clinical Psychologist, CSUCI Adjunct Faculty
GetKidsInternetSafe.com
Tik Tok is a social media app that allows users to create and discover short videos made and posted by users. It’s popular because it combines teen users’ love for social media, music, and creative shorts. They love the authenticity of sharing and creating Tik Tok offers. Dangers are that kids may post and view sexualized or stunt videos and explicit songs, post videos of others without their permission, users are commonly ridiculed and cyberbullied, they may read lewd comments, and there is potential for public direct messaging. Be aware that popular Tik Tok influencers produce highly sexualized content and the “For You” autofeed commonly offers up content that most parents find inappropriate for child viewing. Plus, it’s so fun it’s addictive. Kids can spend hours scrolling endless content. As always, make sure you have familiarity with Tik Tok before you allow your child to use it. And, of course, add it to your free GKIS Connected Family Agreement as an “OK” or a “not yet,” so parameters, rules and regs, and etiquette issues are understood. (If you haven’t downloaded it yet, enter your name and email on our GetKidsInternetSafe home page and it will be emailed immediately). For a comprehensive tween/teen course on how to stay safe on social media, know what to watch out for, and how to apply amazing psychology wellness strategies, check out our GKIS Social Media Readiness Training Course. It gets the conversations started about the truths of Internet risk,. Also, y\ou won’t want to miss the parent setup tips at the end of this article. Our GKIS Sensible Guide provides information that parents need to know to make an informed decision.
What is Tik Tok?
Tik Tok is an app that allows users to create 15-second videos. It’s based on a previously popular app called Musical.ly, which is no longer available. Tik Tok users can post videos they saved on their phones and add sounds, parts of songs, special effects, and filters. Recently, Tik Tok added a new feature that allows users to record their reactions to other Tik Tok videos. The app also includes a feature that notifies users when they’ve spent more than two hours on the app. Users seem to value creativity and authenticity over likes.
How long has it been around and how popular is it?
Tik Tok is developed by ByteDance, a Chinese Internet technology company. It was first released in September 2016 for IOS and Android. Tik Tok’s global offices are located in Los Angeles, London, Dubai, and Tokyo, among other places. As of October 2018, Tik Tok was downloaded 80 million times in the US and 800 million times globally. It is free to use. ByteDance makes its money through advertisements integrated into the app.
How old is old enough for adoption?
Tik Tok’s Term of Service states, “If you are under age 13, you may only use the Services with the consent of your parent or legal guardian. Please be sure your parent or legal guardian has reviewed and discussed these Terms with you.” As you know from other GKIS Sensible Guides, 13 years old allows social media apps to be in compliance with the U.S.’s Children’s Online Privacy Protection Act (COPPA). It has nothing to do with child psychology. Nobody assessed that 13 years old is a healthy age for app adoption. That is up to you.
Before you make your decision, keep in mind that before 13 years old, kids still have limited ability to understand potential consequences and lack impulse control. In Dr. Bennett’s book, Screen Time in the Mean Time, she recommends no social media app adoption until at least the second semester of sixth grade, when kids have more social experience for creative problem solving and are no longer transitioning into middle school. (If the seventh grade is a transition year in your community, she recommends waiting until spring semester for the introduction). Most parents will find that, even at 13 years old, they are uncomfortable with their kids viewing the sexually explicit and sometimes cruel content easily available on Tik Tok. Follow a few popular Tik Tok influencers to sample what I’m talking about. Of course, every family circumstance is unique. We at GKIS believe that parents are the ultimate authority on your children’s unique traits and “fit” with Tik Tok.
Tik Tok In the News
In December 2019, the U.S. Army and U.S. Navy banned soldiers from using the Tik Tok app on government-owned phones due to concerns that content shared with ByteDance could be used to influence and surveil Americans. ByteDance reports that it stores U.S. user data in the U.S. with backups in Singapore, so it is not subject to Chinese law. But as a security expert told me, “It doesn’t matter where they store the data, it’s how they access it that counts. China is well known for having an excellent ability to steal private data from foreign countries.”
In February 2019, ByteDance was fined $5.7m by the U.S. Federal Trade Commission for illegally collecting personal information from children, like names, emails, addresses, and locations. in violation of COPPA. The FTC found that Tik Tok failed to delete content from underage children despite receiving thousands of complaints from parents. As a result of the FTC fine, Tik Tok created an experience for underage users which allows them to only access curated, clean videos and not have the ability to comment, search, or post their own videos. Kids can work around this by simply entering a false birthdate.
What are Tik Tok’s popular features?
After opening the app through your smartphone, you have the option of looking at the videos of those who you follow, what’s featured, and videos under hashtags.
You can follow friends and other Tik Tok users. Those you follow will show up under “following” on the home page of the app. With a simple scroll, you’ll be introduced to the thousands of videos Tik Tok users create. Just because you follow someone doesn’t necessarily mean they follow you back.
To make a Tik Tok video, click the square button with the plus sign. Once there, the app will ask you if you want 15 seconds, 60 seconds, or photo templates. You also have the option to add sounds, upload photos or videos, and add effects. Users can also adjust the speed and add filters. Tik Tok provides sound categories like “Trending,” “Country,” “Furry Friends,” “Sweat It Out,” and even “Munchies.”
There’s a search feature that allows users to browse through various hashtags. They can also search through categories like “top,” “videos,” “sounds,” and “hashtags.”
You can personalize your “For You” feed by ♥︎ing videos you like or choosing “not interested” on those you don’t.
Tik Tok nudges its users to go outside of their groups of friends by immediately introducing them to group challenges, theme hashtags, and videos based on a popular song.
What is included in the personal profile?
Tik Tok makes signing up to the app simple. You can sign up with an email, name, and phone number or through your Facebook, Google, Instagram, or Twitter accounts or through your Apple ID. From there, you can choose to sync your phone or Facebook contacts with Tik Tok to see if your friends also have an account.
Along with a personal profile photo of your choosing, your profile page can also contain your bio, the number of people you follow, who follows you, and how many Tik Tok videos you’ve liked. If you have uploaded Tik Tok videoes, they’re displayed on your profile too.
The top left has a button for searching for friends on the app. The top right is a button for the settings. When you click on “edit your profile,” you have the option of adding your Instagram username or your YouTube channel, which will be public to those who can see your profile.
What are the privacy and safety options?
Many Tik Tok users love interacting with a large, global audience to spark creativity and enjoy fun feedback. As a clinical psychologist who sees how some of these collaborations with strangers can turn dangerous, I recommend a private account so you can approve or deny follower requests, and only users you’ve approved as followers can see your content. Of course, we encourage parents to discuss the pros and cons of use with their kids to reach a cooperative agreement.
To do this,
Click on the Settings button at the top right corner on your profile page.
Click on Privacy and Safety.
The first option is “Private Account” or “Allow others to find me.”
If you change an already-existing account to private, current followers will not be affected.
You can also remove or block followers at any time. Removing them disables their ability to direct message your teen. Blocking them stops them from interacting with or viewing your teen’s content at all.
Opting for Restricted Mode limits content that may be considered inappropriate. Users can also restrict comments to friends only or block them altogether. The can also disable messaging and disable duets.
Tik Tok offers a Screen Time Management mode with a passcode as one of their Digital Well Being offerings.
If you see inappropriate content while browsing the app, you have the option of reporting it within the app. We noticed that the report button is somewhat difficult to find in that it is hidden among other buttons.
As with most social media apps, the company collects information, including your name, email address, and phone number. They may also collect any messages you send through the app to friends. This is part of their privacy policy.
Tik Tok is rated a 12+ app store rating. This means you can block underage kids from onboarding the app with Gooogle and Apple parental controls. Tik Tok resources for parents include a Top Ten Tips for Parents primer, “You’re in Control,” safety educational videos, a Safety Center, and an ongoing blog series with helpful tips. The videos can be accessed directly in-app @TikTokTips.
What are the risks for use?
Constant Access
When kids are little, parents decide when playdates happen. Once Tik Tok is on board, keep in mind that your kids will have access to their friends whenever they have their device, and other Tik Tok users will have access to your kids. For many, that means 24/7 access. If you’re not OK with that, you’ll have to dock screens consistently or limit their access.
Inappropriate Content
Although the rules state that users younger than age thirteen shouldn’t be on Tik Tok without parental guidance, anyone can simply lie and accept the terms of conditions without informing their parents. Sometimes the content may not be filtered, and any kind of inappropriate content may pop up. Of particular concern is dangerous stunts, hate speech, and sexualized dancing to explicit music lyrics. Imagine watching your 12-year-old dancing sexy to lyrics that include the n-word, the f-word, p&^sy, and worse.
Cyberbullying
A fun video posted today can feel humiliating when viewed tomorrow. Since moderators can’t oversee all comments on the app, there is cyberbullying. Since being creative requires risk, public ridicule now or later is a real concern. Often the ridicule happens when the Tik Tok video is shared on other social media platforms, like Instagram or Twitter. The best way to prevent this would be to keep the account on private and add only people whom you know or are friends with. However, keep in mind that cyberbullies can always screenshot from a private account and share publicly. Users can turn off comments to prevent or stop cyberbullying on their content. Exclusion from posts about friend groups can also be hurtful. Imagine if your child is the one who was left out.
Trends & Attention-Seeking
Users can produce or view inappropriate Tik Tok’s and often try to attract large numbers of followers with poor posting or comment choices. For example, the trend for “Chop Chop Slide” involves kids filming their parents’ reactions to an unexpected string of very explicit lyrics. Many of these videos of their parents are likely shared without permission. To feed the need for likes, affiliative apps offer the purchase of likes for your posts and to buy more followers.
Stunts & Challenges
Most Tik Tok Challenges are incredibly skillful dance moves. You’ll also see kids singing along with their tongues out and clever facial expressions to vulgar lyrics alone and in groups. Like with the other social media platforms, you’ll also see some winners come up with something like the outlet challenge which involves shoving a penny in a charging cube for sparks. To see what I’m talking about, search YouTube for Best Tik Tok Compilations and prepare to be mesmerized for awhile. The talent Tik Tok inspires is amazing.
Online Predators
If your child’s profile is set to public, anybody signed into the app can view your child’s videos, comment, and message your child. The tech website, Motherboard, reported a large community of adults soliciting young Tik Tok users for nude photos and videos and even sent videos to the children. Lewd and hateful comments have been found on children’s videos. News reports say that, while Tik Tok has attempted to remove those comments after being reported, several inappropriate comments were left on videos. The owners of the accounts that left those comments were not suspended from Tik Tok and were allowed to continue commenting.
It’s Addictive!
Once you test the app, you’ll see how fun it is! It’s hard for users to resist the endless on-demand video content on the Discover page (indexed with hashtags) that is interactive, shocking, funny, creative, musical, and titillating. Be aware that popular Tik Tok influencers produce highly sexualized content and the “For You” autofeed offers up content that is similar to what has been viewed before. Kids spend hours scrolling endless content.
GKIS Parent Checklist for Tik Tok Use:
Disable underage use of this 12+ rated app using IOS & Android parental controls.
Test Tik Tok by creating an account and using the app yourself for awhile. It’s mind-blowing how creative users can be. It’s also helpful to search YouTube for Tik Tok compilations (e.g., “Tik Tok procreate compilations”).
Preset your chid’s account for best content by scrolling the home page liking appropriate videos & selecting “not interested” for inappropriate videos. Although it won’t keep them safe from viewing inappropriate content, it does preset the autoplay to a more positive autoplay pattern.
It’s also helpful to block influencers who commonly produce inappropriate content, while also “hearting” topics and influencers that match your child’s interests (e.g., singing, dancing, drawing, procreate, etc.).
Make sure you already have a digital contract in place (like our free GKIS Connected Family Agreement). Add it to your agreement as an “OK” or a “not yet,” so parameters, rules and regs, and etiquette issues are understood. (If you haven’t downloaded it yet, enter your name and email on our GetKidsInternetSafe home page and it will be emailed immediately.)
Agree that use is probational and visit Tik Tok’s Safety Center and watch their “You’re in Control” videos together (recognizing that once the content is posted, you no longer are in control).
Require your child to create a persuasive PowerPointthat covers risks, benefits, and privacy and protection features so you both know the in’s and out’s of Tik Tok’s features before you agree to it. For more information about how to create and judge a persuasive PowerPoint about a social media app along with other useful screen safety strategies, check out our Connected Family Online Course. The course was created to optimize healthy screen use while protecting kids and teens from digital injury. The best part about the course is it brings parents and kids closer with more cooperative negotiation around family screen rules. Once you agree on a trial, create a digital poster with a bullet list of the rules you agreed upon and tape it up in your home’s homework or computer space.
Limit use with Tik Tok’s Screentime Management feature.
Insist on a PRIVATE account so strangers can’t view your child’s posted videos, Select RESTRICTED MODE. Use FRIENDS ONLY for comments and videos.
Consider DISABLING messaging and duets at first.
Agree to how many personally-known friends are allowed at first to limit exposure while your child is gaining expertise and judgment. Remember, they WILL post, view, and message inappropriately no matter how great you parent. If that’s unacceptable to you, DON’T ALLOW TIK TOK.
Insist that you are friended and you have their username and password for backend control.
Set a #TechCheckThursday meeting to check friends, videos, messaging, and to ensure rules are being followed and everybody is safe. This will also keep the cooperative dialogue going.
Make a Tik Tok video together. Have fun with it!
GetKidsInternetSafe rates Tik Tok as a red-light app due to the easy access to strangers, inappropriate content, bad judgment while posting or live streaming, and potentially harmful comments. Because the app has millions of users, it is difficult for Tik Tok moderators to weed out all of the unacceptable content. But there is also a legitimate argument for creative and fun sharing with a private profile. If you do opt to allow Tik Tok, be sure and get your child’s username and password and monitor posts. Share our GKIS Parent Tips on your social media for friends and family. HERE’S THE LINK TO THE IMAGE
Thank you to CSUCI intern Makenzie Stancliff for co-authoring this article. For more help with social media. judgment and overall psychological health, you won’t want to miss our GKIS Social Media Readiness Training Course for tweens and teens.
I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetKidsInternetSafe.
“First impressions are everything.” This once referred to tone, dress, and personality. Now, it also refers to your social media page. Teens rack up an average of 6 hours per day of social mediag.[1] They not only browse endlessly, but many also post impulsively. With immature prefrontal brain development, kids and teens are unable to anticipate consequences. Plus, the internet culture is vulgar, shocking, and celebrates pushing moral limits. Using profanity, sub-tweeting and cyberbullying are common. Using principles from Dr. Bennett’s book, Screen Time in the Mean Time: A Parenting Guide to Get Kids and Teens Internet Safe, this article covers how to best guide your teen through the social media dilemmas of cyberspace.
Social media is the perfect place to “out” your enemies.
My friend “Catherine” used to expose her ex-boyfriends on Facebook. Once she posted, “He says he’s over me, but he just came to my house and cried.” Often, she’d think twice and delete her post. Other times, her ex-boyfriends posted angry responses outing her bad behavior back.
My friend “Robert” also shared a personal story. This is one about Myspace going wrong. When he was in the eighth grade, his high school sophomore girlfriend sent him sexy selfies. Robert showed his friends the photos. Although he refused to text them directly, a friend hacked his phone and sent himself the photos. Within a few days, the girl’s family and the police were at Robert’s door. Her photos had been posted on Myspace. Although Robert did not directly post her photos, he was held responsible because they were initially on his phone.
Online Behavior Matters
We love our podcasts at GKIS. In one of our favorites called Hidden Brain. The “You Can’t Hit Unsend” episode tells the story of William, whose social media posts destroyed a golden opportunity with Harvard.[2]
William was a brilliant high school senior from Pennsylvania. He was a great student who played competitive golf and performed for the local symphony. Although he didn’t believe he was “Harvard material,” he applied anyway. He was accepted through the early admission process and was overcome with joy. In the excitement of his acceptance, Will quickly joined an online group chat to meet other incoming freshmen.
One chatroom that focused on sharing memes was particularly funny. As the chatroom friends grew closer, they exchanged increasingly “edgier” memes, riding the fence between funny and offensive. To be added to the subgroup chat, at least one edgy meme had to be shared in the main group chat. As time passed, the memes increased in explicitness, oftentimes referring to outrageous, violent, and sexual topics. Will states that members of the chat knew that their meme was good based on how many likes and fire emojis members commented afterward.
The admissions department at Harvard University learned of the private chatroom and investigated. Harvard withdrew admission offers from ten prospective students because of their participation.
Will shared that he will always remember the last sentence of the email, “Harvard can withdraw admission under various conditions, including if you engage or have engaged in behavior that brings into question your honesty, maturity, or moral character.” Now he recognizes how adults would be offended and regrets his posts. He apologized, “It is far too easy to act out of character behind a screen in a fast-paced setting and to say things I would never say or even think of in my everyday life.”
The Harvard student newspaper later published the story. Soon after, the story was everywhere, including CNN and Fox News. Will and his family were devastated.
He waited a year and applied to other schools, only to be rejected by all ivy league universities. Will’s voice broke with emotion as he spoke of the experience. Fortunately, his emotional honesty appealed to a physics department chair at a school he was waitlisted at, and he was ultimately granted admission.
College Recruiters and Managers Search Applicants Online
Social media posts can make or break a teen’s future. The relationship between your digital footprint and personality is about as constant as the relationship between personality and behavior, also known as “the personality coefficient.“[3] That means that your behavior on your social media profile is a reliable source of information about your personality.[4]
Many college admission officers and employers use online data to investigate prospective students or employees. While the internet is fun and creates a space for creativity and connection, adolescents can make dire mistakes online just as they do offline. Instead of those mistakes happening in front of a few close friends and family, they can be blasted out to millions. Social media profiles produce large amounts of user-generated data that may be used and sold in ways we cannot anticipate.[5]
As social media evolves, parenting tactics must evolve as well. That means educating yourself about the risks of posting and challenging your kids to explore online risk with ongoing empowering dialogue.
Here are a few ways you can prep them today:
Use our free GKIS Connected Family Screen Agreement to set parameters and create a screen-friendly, cooperative dialogue.
Engage in fun co-viewing, both with passive screen use (TV) and interactive screen use (browsing the internet). Fun projects may include researching a particular topic using various learning formats (articles, videos, images).
Find food recipes and cook a meal together.
Co-create a movie – complete with music, still-image slides, videos, and graphics.[6]
Work together to purposely stylize your family’s cyber footprint. Ensure that that footprint will work for you rather than against you.
Act as a role model on social media and encourage responsible posting.
Internet sites can collect and analyze large quantities of data from everyday devices.[7] This information provides more opportunities to use data in deceitful ways. With helpful GKIS tools, you can best prepare yourself and your teens.
Thanks to Isabel Campos for her research and help with writing this article. Interested in learning more about current cyberspace news? Signup for weekly GKIS articles by entering your name and email address at GetKidsInternetSafe.com!
I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetKidsInternetSafe.
Parents in my practice and GetKidsInternetSafe subscribers commonly ask me about the impact of pornography on kids. They comment on how different today’s world is from when we were young. Most people even assume that kids today are more promiscuous than we were. But here is what you may be surprised to learn: even though today’s teens demonstrate more acceptance of casual and what we used to consider deviant sexual practices (like oral sex, anal sex, same-gender sex, and polyamory), teens are more sexually responsible than previous generations. In fact, despite popular misconceptions that teens are hooking up casually, the truth is they are “talking” more than dating and having sex later and with fewer partners than previous generations. They are also more likely to use contraception, resulting in teen pregnancy rates being at an all-time low. That gives me hope that, because of American’s more casual attitude toward sex, we are doing a better job at sex education and supervision. To that end, I’ve included this section of my book, Screen Time in the Mean Time: A Parenting Guide to Get Kids and Teens Internet Safe, free for GKIS blog readers. Hang on to your hats parents, no matter how open-minded you are, you are likely to find some of this information concerning and IMPORTANT!
Online pornography is popular and easily available. We don’t know how popular it actually is though, because a large number of pornography websites are reticent to share traffic numbers. Best estimates are that 13% of web searches are for online pornography.[i] What we do know is that the number of viewers and time spent viewing is growing. A particularly popular single pornographic site, Pornhub’s 2018 Year in Review reported:
“Visits to Pornhub totaled 33.5 billion over the course of 2018, an increase of 5 billion visits over 2017. That equates to a daily average of 92 million visitors and at the time of this writing, Pornhub’s daily visits now exceed 100 million. To put that into perspective, that’s as if the combined populations of Canada, Poland and Australia all visited Pornhub every day! …When they’re not busy watching videos, Pornhub’s users enjoy socializing, with nearly 64 million private messages sent and 7.9 million video comments left. … More than 141 million people took the time to vote for their favorite videos, which incidentally is more people than voted in the last U.S. presidential election.… Once again, the United States continues to be the country with the highest daily traffic to Pornhub, followed by the United Kingdom, India, Japan, Canada, France, and Germany.”[ii]
Furthermore, today’s online pornography is nothing like the images from our fathers’ Playboy magazines. Most pornographic videos are scripted to display fantastical versions of the sexual desires and prowess of men.[iii] Most often, that means scenes with women as sexual objects who are seemingly delighted to be the willing and passive victim of demeaning verbal and physical aggression, often by one or more men at a time. Porn content is rich with violent and fetish acts that bear little resemblance to loving intimacy. As customers satiate to milder versions of pornographic activity, clever content developers produce increasingly risqué content to keep their customers browsing. The top seven Pornhub searches for 2018 were lesbian, hentai, milf, stepmom, Japanese, mom, and teen.
With popularity and ease of access through mobile screens and gaming consoles, many kids and teens intentionally seek and are being accidentally exposed to, inappropriate sexual images and videos. Based on a set of EU studies, Kierkegaard (2008) states that children have access to Internet pornography at the average age of eleven years old.[iv] Not only are kids and teens seeking sexual content for titillation, but many kids are also relying on online pornography as their primary source of sexual education.[v] Alarmingly, I am seeing more and more kids intentionally seeking pornographic content and creating and exchanging nude images and videos. How often are children viewing porn, and, when they do, what kinds of harm may result from that exposure?
Estimates from research studies vary widely, most suggesting that a minority of adolescents actually access online pornography.[vi] However, in one study conducted in 2008 with 562 undergraduates, 93% of boys and 62% of girls reported that they were exposed to pornography during adolescence.[vii] In my clinical experience, it is quite common due to unfiltered smartphone and tablet use among younger children. Studies show that kids tend to consider what they see online as attractive, normative, and risk-free and may go as far as emulating it.[viii][ix] The online worlds of MMORPGs increasingly feature virtual sexual assault and pornographic behaviors, and popular television series deliver increasingly violent content and explicit themes.
Who is most at risk for online pornography consumption?
The typical adolescent online pornography user is a boy who is more pubertally advanced, a sensation-seeker, and has weak or troubled family relations.[x] Boys are more likely to be exposed at an earlier age, to see more images, to see more extreme images (e.g., rape, child pornography), and to view pornography more often; while girls reported more involuntary exposure.[xi]Statistics demonstrate that female viewing is going up every year. Pornhub’s 2018 Year in Review report stated, “2018 saw the proportion of female visitors to Pornhub grow to 29%, an increase of 3 percentage points over 2017.”[xii] Depression and rule-breaking are also risk factors.[xiii][xiv]
What affects does viewing pornography have on kids?
Research demonstrates that pornography use among children, teens, or adults has been associated with:
Cynical attitudes about intimacy, fidelity, and love[xv]
Desensitization and habituation with explicit content, meaning the user’s appetite changes over time from less extreme to more extreme forms of pornography to get the same intensity of enjoyment. This also validates deviant sex practices and potentially lowers inhibitions to engage in inappropriate sexual interactions online and offline[xvii]
Attitudes supporting violence against women[xviii]
More permissive sexual attitudes, especially in regard to the place of sex in relationships[xix][xx][xxi]
Greater experience with casual sexual behavior[xxii][xxiii]
More sexual aggression, both in terms of perpetration and victimization[xxv]
Three times more sexually aggressive behavior when exposed to nonviolent porn[xxvi]
Twenty-four times more sexually aggressive behavior when exposed to violent porn[xxvii]
A clinically impairing addiction, called Hypersexual Disorder.
Causal research would require purposely exposing children to pornographic content. Because that is not safe or ethical, all research studies about child exposure to online pornography are correlational. We cannot conclusively say whether online pornography causes certain attitudes or behaviors. Obviously, the correlation findings quoted above are concerning. Blocking kids from online pornography is common sense. Not only is viewing pornography an issue, but more active sexual role playing online also makes kids vulnerable to sexual predators. These attitudes and behaviors are impactful in the short term and may also lead to problematic life-long trauma and intimacy issues.[xxviii]
If this information is useful to you, please share it with friends and family. Too many of us bury our heads to the reality of online pornography and child access. There’s so much to know! If you are looking for a one-source guide to screen risk, benefit, and the parenting strategies that can strengthen your parent-child relationship while keeping them safer, pick up a copy of Screen Time in the Mean Time on Amazon. And for a step-by-step guide to setting up your home for enrichment and screen safety, you won’t want to miss my Connected Family Course. Parents tell me all the time how much they’ve appreciated having the information for prevention rather than hearing it AFTER they end up in my psychology office. Education matters!
I’m the mom psychologist who helps you GetKidsInternetSafe.
[iii]Brown, J., & L’Engle, K. (2009). “X-Rated: Sexual Attitudes & Behaviors Associated with U.S. Early Adolescents’ Exposure to Sexually Explicit Media.” Communication Research36, 129, 133.
[iv]Kierkegaard, S. (2008). Cybering, online grooming & age-play. Computer Law & Security Report, 24(1), 41–55.
[v]Kanuga, M. & Rosenfeld, W. (2004). “Adolescent Sexuality & the Internet: The Good, the Bad, & the URL.” Journal of Pediatrics & Adolescent Gynecology17, 117, 120
[vi]Peter, J., & Valkenburg, P. (2016): Adolescents & Pornography: A Review of 20 Years of Research, The Journal of Sex Research, DOI: 10.1080/00224499.2016.1143441
[vii]Sabina, Chiara, et al. “The Nature and Dynamics of Internet Pornography Exposure for Youth.” CyberPsychology & Behavior, vol. 11, no. 6, 2008, pp. 691–693., doi:10.1089/cpb.2007.0179.
[viii]Rich, M. (2005). “Sex Screen: The Dilemma of Media Exposure & Sexual Behavior.” Pediatrics116, 329, 330.
[ix]Zillmann, D. (2000). “Influence of Unrestrained Access to Erotica on Adolescents’ & Young Adults’ Dispositions Towards Sexuality.”Journal of Adolescent Health27, 41, 42.
[x]Peter, J. & Valkenburg, P. (2016): Adolescents & Pornography: A Review of 20 Years of Research, The Journal of Sex Research,DOI: 10.1080/00224499.2016.1143441
[xi]Sabina, Chiara, et al. “The Nature and Dynamics of Internet Pornography Exposure for Youth.” CyberPsychology & Behavior, vol. 11, no. 6, 2008, pp. 691–693., doi:10.1089/cpb.2007.0179.
[xiii]Wolak, J., Mitchell, K., & Finkelhor. D. (2007). “Unwanted & Wanted Exposure to Online Pornography in a National Sample of Youth Internet Users.” Pediatrics119.2: 247-57. Web.
[xiv]Ybarra, M., et al. (2011). “X-Rated Material & Perpetration of Sexually Aggressive Behavior Among Children & Adolescents: Is There a Link?” Aggressive Behavior37, 1, 3, 7.
[xv]Zillmann, D. (2000). “Influence of Unrestrained Access to Erotica on Adolescents’ & Young Adults’ Dispositions Towards Sexuality.”Journal of Adolescent Health27, 41, 42.
[xvi]Peter, J. & Valkenburg, P. (2016): Adolescents & Pornography: A Review of 20 Years of Research, The Journal of Sex Research, DOI: 10.1080/00224499.2016.1143441
[xvii]Zillmann, D. (2000). “Influence of Unrestrained Access to Erotica on Adolescents’ & Young Adults’ Dispositions Towards Sexuality.”Journal of Adolescent Health27, 41, 42.
[xviii]Hald, Gert, Martin, et al. (2009). “Pornography & Attitudes Supporting Violence Against Women: Revisiting the Relationship in Nonexperimental Studies.” Aggressive Behavior35, 1, 3, 5.
[xix]Peter, J., Valkenburg, P., & Schouten, A. (2006). Characteristics & motives of adolescents talking with strangers on the Internet. Cyberpsychology & Behavior, 9, 526–530.
[xx]Peter, J. & Valkenburg, P. (2016): Adolescents & Pornography: A Review of 20 Years of Research, The Journal of Sex Research, DOI: 10.1080/00224499.2016.1143441
[xxi]Zillmann, D. (2000). “Influence of Unrestrained Access to Erotica on Adolescents’ & Young Adults’ Dispositions Towards Sexuality.”Journal of Adolescent Health27, 41, 42.
[xxii]Peter, J. & Valkenburg, P. (2016): Adolescents & Pornography: A Review of 20 Years of Research, The Journal of Sex Research, DOI: 10.1080/00224499.2016.1143441
[xxiii]Zillmann, D. (2000). “Influence of Unrestrained Access to Erotica on Adolescents’ & Young Adults’ Dispositions Towards Sexuality.”Journal of Adolescent Health27, 41, 42.
[xxiv]Peter, J. & Valkenburg, P. (2016): Adolescents & Pornography: A Review of 20 Years of Research, The Journal of Sex Research, DOI: 10.1080/00224499.2016.1143441
[xxv]Peter, J. & Valkenburg, P. (2016): Adolescents & Pornography: A Review of 20 Years of Research, The Journal of Sex Research, DOI: 10.1080/00224499.2016.1143441
[xxvi]Ybarra, M., et al. (2011). “X-Rated Material & Perpetration of Sexually Aggressive Behavior Among Children & Adolescents: Is There a Link?” Aggressive Behavior37, 1, 3, 7.
[xxvii]Ybarra, M., et al. (2011). “X-Rated Material & Perpetration of Sexually Aggressive Behavior Among Children & Adolescents: Is There a Link?” Aggressive Behavior37, 1, 3, 7.
[xxviii]Villani, S. (2001). “Impact of Media on Children & Adolescents: A 10-Year Review of the Research.”Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry40, 392, 399.
Click on YouTube and the first video trending is “Million Dollar Home Tour.” The next recommended video is “My Multi-Country Vacation” followed by “Upgrading my Lambo (short for Lamborghini).” You’ve fallen into the rabbit hole of people flashing their wealth and the expensive items they have. Next thing you know, three hours have passed, and you catch yourself thinking about how nice it would be to afford the huge homes, nice cars, and expensive vacations. Could you be falling victim to wealth addiction?
Wealth Addiction
In Dr. Bennett’s CSUCI Addiction Studies course, we learned that addiction is often characterized by three factors, compulsive use, loss of control, and continued use despite the presence of consequences. Typically, these result from drug addiction. However, they are also seen in the behavioral addictions of gambling and video gaming. If you compulsively seek get-rich-quick schemes, can’t stop watching online flex videos, and make rash decisions in your quest for wealth, you might be wealth addicted!
Wealth addictionor money addiction is a fairly old concept that is currently being fueled by new social media trends. Philip Slater’s 1983 book, “Wealth Addiction” illustrated how Americans are addicted to money.[1] Thirty-six years later, more and more people seem wealth addicted than ever.
In his 1999 research, economist Romesh Diwan compared wealth to the general quality of life. He discovered that the overconsumption of materialistic items promotes wealth addiction. Diwan said that people believe that if they buy the material item they’ve been longing for, they’d be happy. However, his research surprisingly demonstrated that purchasing those items did not fulfill the need and want, instead leaving the consumer anxious and dissatisfied.[2]
Key Influencers
Many YouTube stars flaunt their wealth and material possessions in their videos. For example, YouTuber Jake Paul has 19.6 million subscribers on his channel.[3] As of 2018, his net worth was nearly $19 million.[4] Paul shows off how much money he has by posting videos such as, “I Spent $1 Million Dollars On This Vacation” where he documented an expensive vacation with his brother and friends.[3] In another video called, “I Spent $100,000 in 56 Minutes,” Paul created a competition where he and five of his friends had to spend $10,000 cash in less than an hour.[3]
Jeffree Star is another popular YouTuber who shows off how much money he has. With 15.9 million subscribers as of 2018, Star’s net worth is almost $75 million.[4] Star also posts videos that flaunt his wealth such as, “My Pink VAULT Closet Tour,” where he gave a tour of his dream closet in his home that is full of designer clothes.[5] In another video titled, “Surprising my Boyfriend with His Dream Car,” Star bought his boyfriend an Aston Martin Vantage worth roughly $150,000.[5]
The Benefits of Wealth Addiction
Not all aspects of longing for wealth are negative. For instance, if a watcher is encouraged to pursue higher education to get into a higher-paying career, one might argue that the dream is worthwhile.
Another positive aspect of wealth addiction is sparking the desire to give back with philanthropic gestures. Despite his obscene displays of wealth, Jeffree Star donates money to several charities including victims of gun violence and LGBTQ organizations.[6]
The Risks of Wealth Addiction
Teaching kids that wealth is the highest priority may lead them to seek wealth from opportunistic marketers. For instance, several years ago in Camarillo, a get-rich-quick scheme was introduced to popular high school and college students causing a rash of school dropouts. The product called Vemma Nutrition promised riches in exchange for selling their energy drinks and protein shakes. To get in on the action, the seller had to purchase the products themselves.[7]
Another risk is kids seeking wealth in place of healthier activities like academics, sports, and socializing. After binge-watching videos, they may get duped into believing that money will solve all their problems and make them happy. Of course, this may not be true, instead luring them into false hope with pressure to show off wealth instead of saving or investing in their future.
For some, the first goal of earning is never enough. They chase wealth in a quest to find true happiness. That could translate into depression and anxiety. Addiction studies tell us that living to chase a high is a dead-end scenario. If wealth is the goal, will you ever reach it?
Thank you to GKIS intern, Makenzie Stancliff for alerting us about the risks of wealth addiction. If you learned something about this article, please join us on our DrTracyBennett Instagram page so you won’t miss out on other fun GKIS opportunities.
I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetKidsInternetSafe.
[1] Peele, S. (2015, February 8). Addicted to Wealth – A National Trait? Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/addiction-in-society/201402/addicted-wealth-national-trait
[2] Diwan, Romesh. (2000). Relational wealth and the quality of life. Journal of Socio-Economics, 29(4), 305. https://doi-org.summit.csuci.edu/10.1016/S1053-5357(00)00073-1
[3] JakePaulProductions. (n.d.). Jake Paul. Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCcgVECVN4OKV6DH1jLkqmcA
[4] Chakrabarti, R. (2019, September 15). The Highest-Paid Stars on YouTube. Retrieved from https://moneywise.com/a/the-highest-paid-youtube-stars
[5] jeffreestar. (n.d.). jeffreestar. Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCkvK_5omS-42Ovgah8KRKtg
[6] Diply. (2018, October 24). 15 Facts About Controversial YouTuber Jeffree Star. Retrieved from https://diply.com/11366/15-facts-about-controversial-youtuber-jeffree-star
[7] Press, T. A. (2015, August 26). FTC: Vemma temporarily shut down for running pyramid scheme. Retrieved from https://www.ksl.com/article/36179492/ftc-vemma-temporarily-shut-down-for-running-pyramid-scheme.
