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Is Your Child a “Professional Gamer”?

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“These games are a waste of time!” Does this parent-rant sound familiar? We are all hooked on our screen activities, but gaming has a particularly addictive quality. We already covered that there are many benefits. One big benefit that we haven’t covered yet is that gaming is a great launch for professional ventures that connect players to other people all over the world. Why is gaming so popular, and what can be accomplished or gained by playing them?

Why Kids Are Hooked

A common belief about video games make us mindless. Many studies have found links to aggression and gamers. However, these studies primarily tested a small subset of games with violent shooters. In contrast, studies from role-playing games have shown benefits for the player.

Specifically, gamers have been shown to demonstrate and build emotional skills like feeling guilt and shame when a character acts immorally.[1] Games also provide a fertile resource for building team play and social skills. For instance, in one study online gamers reported feelings of community and belonging while playing online. They claimed that the social relationships gained while playing provided them with social support and helped them develop a healthy social identity.[2]

Action games, which do include shooters, have also been shown to increase our ability to hold visual information[3], increase the ability to multi-task and manage attention[4], and calm and de-stress.[5]

Games are not simply a means of passing the time. The time spent playing is meaningful. Other exciting benefits include entertainment, identity exploration, and higher-order thinking and problem-solving. Gaming can even launch life-changing educational, entrepreneurial, networking, and earning opportunities!

What game do I want to play?

Each gamer is unique and expresses themselves through the genre or style of gameplay they choose. Each genre requires certain skills and characteristics for the player to succeed. There are five main genres in gaming: Action, Role-Playing, Simulation, Strategy, and Sports.

Action

  • The player is given challenges that can include climbing obstacles, solving puzzles, defeating enemies, or collecting certain key items.
  • The player must have fast hand-eye coordination and quick reflexes to succeed.
  • Popular games include Minecraft, Overwatch, Fortnite, Grand Theft Auto.

Role-Playing

  • Based on the tabletop game Dungeons and Dragons
  • The player is tasked with completing missions to progress and strengthen their character(s).
  • Contains immersive worlds and engaging stories
  • Popular games include World of Warcraft, Final Fantasy, Pokémon.

Simulation

  • Utilizes the use of virtual worlds to simulate aspects of reality and fantasy for training purposes
  • There are no goals the player has to follow.
  • Popular Games include The Sims, Farming Simulator, Flight Simulator.

Strategy

  • Gives the player control of multiple characters
  • Players must use these characters to explore, engage in combat, and gather and utilize economic resources.
  • To succeed the player must use strategy and great tactics.
  • Popular Games include StarCraft, Civilization, Age of Empires.

Sports

  • Allows the player to take control and play as their favorite sports team or player
  • Some games in the genre try to recreate current sports as realistically as possible, while others create new sports with over-the-top effects and fast gameplay.
  • Popular Games include Madden, FIFA, Rocket League.

What do I want to do in the game?

Through gaming, children are provided with unique freedoms and communicative abilities. In most games, the first goal is to decide what mission to pursue. Completion of the mission rewards the gamer by furthering the story, giving the gamer new items, or providing the gamer with experience points used to increase the skill of their character.

When deciding how to approach the mission, the gamer is given multiple options. In single-player games, the gamer can choose the look of their character, which missions to pursue, and how they wish to approach each mission. The gamer must decide if they want to take on the mission alone, team up with a friend, or tackle missions online with millions of other players worldwide. Cooperative games offer an intimate, fun experience that can be shared with friends and family on a single TV or in private online sessions. They also have to decide about strategy. For example, they can:

  • charge straight in taking on all challenges at once,
  • take a stealthy approach,
  • scout the area and gather resources along the way, or
  • create a tactic all their own.

Game Streaming & eSports

Social media sites have become an integral part of a gamer’s identity. They give players the ability to choose their online friends, the style of their home page, and what is posted and commented on their profile. Kids can communicate through private sessions with friends and live streams to a worldwide audience.

Dozens of video streaming sites and their users have taken advantage of this gaming movement. On YouTube and TikTok, popular personalities showcase themselves playing video games to garner more views and make revenue from advertisers.

Twitch TV is a video game streaming site that allow users to live-stream themselves playing games to global online audiences. Streamers are paid through viewer subscriptions, donations, and sponsorships. Sponsorships are given to gamers for unique and appealing personalities and highly acclaimed skills. Many gamers who are sponsored for their skills are also part of a rapidly growing eSports league.

The eSports league involves teams and tournaments similar to those seen in other professional sports leagues. Funding for tournaments and players comes through sponsorships, endorsements, advertisements, and online donations. Gamers are paid well for winning. For instance, a popular game, Dota 2, had a prize pool of over twenty million in 2016. Each player of the winning team took home $1.8 million.[6]

eSports can also bring fame. The eSports league has become a huge phenomenon spanning the globe, rivaling and even surpassing long-standing professional sports. In 2014, a popular PC game, League of Legends had a tournament that garnered more viewers than game seven of the MLB finals and game seven of the NBA finals combined![7]

Universities have begun to pick up on the eSports trend as well. Robert Morris University recently launched the first sponsored eSports Team. Players of the team are students who receive scholarships for their play just as another student would receive a scholarship to play football or basketball. They train just as another collegiate team would. They are instructed by a coach, study the competition, and practice running drills.[7]

In the past, the word gamer was associated with words like lazy and non-social. Fortunately, these stigmas are changing. Gamers today are seen as entrepreneurial (creating your own business), professional, and globally connected.

Thank you to CSUCI Intern, Dylan Smithson for teaching us about the skill-rich, lucrative world of gaming. If you enjoyed reading this article, feel free to share with friends and family, and give us a like on our GetKidsInternetSafe Facebook page.

I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetKidsInternetSafe.

Onward to More Awesome Parenting,

Tracy S. Bennett, Ph.D.
Mom, Clinical Psychologist, CSUCI Adjunct Faculty
GetKidsInternetSafe.com

Works Cited

[6] Bednarski, S (2016) Top 5 Largest eSports Prize Pools of 2016. http://www.xygaming.com/content/top-5-largest-esports-prize-pools-of-2016/

[3] Blacker, K. J., Curby, K. M., Klobusicky, E., & Chein, J. M. (2014). Effects of action video game training on visual working memory. Journal Of Experimental Psychology: Human Perception And Performance, 40(5), 1992-2004. doi:10.1037/a0037556

[4] Maclin, E. L., Mathewson, K. E., Low, K. A., Boot, W. R., Kramer, A. F., Fabiani, M., & Gratton, G. (2011). Learning to multitask: Effects of video game practice on electrophysiological indices of attention and resource allocation. Psychophysiology, 48(9), 1173-1183. doi:10.1111/j.1469-8986.2011.01189.x

[1] Mahood, C., & Hanus, M. (2017). Role-playing video games and emotion: How transportation into the narrative mediates the relationship between immoral actions and feelings of guilt. Psychology Of Popular Media Culture, 6(1), 61-73. doi:10.1037/ppm0000084

[2] O’Connor, E. L., Longman, H., White, K. M., & Obst, P. L. (2015). Sense of community, social identity and social support among players of massively multiplayer online games (MMOGs): A qualitative analysis. Journal Of Community & Applied Social Psychology, 25(6), 459-473. doi:10.1002/casp.2224

[7] Ravitz, J (2016) Varsity Gamers Making History and Dumbfounding Parents http://www.cnn.com/interactive/2015/07/us/varsity-gamers-american-story/

[5] Reinecke, L. (2009). Games and recovery: The use of video and computer games to recuperate from stress and strain. Journal Of Media Psychology: Theories, Methods, And Applications, 21(3), 126-142. doi:10.1027/1864-1105.21.3.126

Takahashi, D (2016) Worldwide Game Industry Hits $91 Billion in Revenues in 2016, with Mobile the Clear Leader. http://venturebeat.com/2016/12/21/worldwide-game-industry-hits-91-billion-in-revenues-in-2016-with-mobile-the-clear-leader/

Photo Credits

Paris Game Week 2013 James Cao, CC BY-NC-SA 2.0

E3 Patsun, CC BY-SA 2.0

Gaming Day Skokie Public Library, CC BY-NC-SA 2.0

 

Is My Selfie Good Enough? How Screen Media Drives Beauty Pressures That Distress Kids and Teens

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A selfie is a self-portrait shared on texts or social media for attention-seeking, communication, documenting one’s day, and entertainment.[1] The term was first seen in 2002, but didn’t become popular until 2012. By 2013 The Oxford English Dictionary named it “The Word of the Year.”[2] We’ve all been guilty of taking selfies. But it takes education and practice to use good judgment. Today’s GKIS article asks, “Are selfies bad for our mental health?”

Celebrity Selfies

With ads on social and print media, billboards, and television, kids and teens are exposed to thousands of images and videos every day. And, it isn’t obvious how filtered, lighted, contoured, surgically and cosmetically altered, and digitally enhanced the photos are. They aren’t a quick, natural snapshot. They are highly produced and stylized. Kim Kardashian proudly shared that she once took 6,000 selfies during a four-day vacation. Her celebrity sister, Kylie Jenner, also admitted that it sometimes takes up to 500 photos before she gets the right shot.

With such exposure, kids are encouraged to scrutinize their appearance, striving to develop and refine the “perfect” face and body.3 Hyper-sexualized selfies further serve as a negative influence. One can easily get roped into hyper focusing on looks and attracting “likes” and comments as a reflection of worth and popularity.

Selfie Editing Apps

Makeup and selfie editor apps are very commonly used and include features to:

  • Change eye color
  • “Slim and trim to selfie perfection”
  • Enlarge features
  • Shrink the nose
  • Plump the lips
  • Enhance facial contours
  • And even offer hundreds of pupil templates “to make your eyes look beautiful.”

Apps also offer combo features that turn your image into cartoon perfection. For example, the “fairy filter” on Snapchat can change your selfie in multiple ways at once, making your eyes larger and gleaming bright while also smoothing out the skin and whitening teeth.

The Beauty, Fashion, and Health and Fitness Industries

Selfie alteration isn’t motivated simply by entertainment. A far more sinister reason often lurks behind the manipulation of young minds, namely profit.

Each year the beauty industry boasts a profit of 42 billion dollars.[10] Add that to the 30 billion dollars brought in by fashion, health, and fitness and the big business of advertising on social media, and one can imagine the lengths corporations will go to manipulate buyers into buying.[4] The worse we feel about ourselves, the more we buy products to “fix” us.

Do we adopt unrealistic attractiveness standards?

In the past twenty years, anxiety and depression have been rising at an alarming rate. The rates of mental health issues among women have particularly jumped.[5] Social media and the pursuit of perfection are likely contributors.

Not only can media exposure lead to mood issues, but body distortion and eating disorder issues are also on the rise.[7] Forty to 60% of elementary school girls report having concerns about weight.[8]

Body shaming among peers starts young and peaks during adolescence. Both males and females engage in shaming, but they do it differently. Males tend to be more directly aggressive, while females shame through passive-aggressive means like gossip and cyberbullying.[9]

Body image issues can lead to excessive use of diet and exercise products and potentially lead to clinical eating disorders. In the United States alone, 20 million women and 10 million men suffer from a clinically significant eating disorder at some time in their life.[6] Even with awareness and education, prevalence numbers continue to rise.

How can we protect our kids from unhealthy self-perception and distorted body image?

  • Love and compliment your kids loudly and unapologetically for all they are! This includes their worthiness of love just for being the “perfect,” nondigitally enhanced them.
  • Reinforce that the self is made up of far more facets than a beautiful face. Likes, interests, skills, and traits make up what’s important about a person, not eye size and hair color.
  • Discuss the fact that we will be hanging out with our bodies for the long haul, which means we must treat our bodies as our best friends rather than our enemies.
  • Lead by example. Do you voice your disapproval about your face or body aloud to your kids? If you do, they too will follow suit about themselves. Instead, be loud and proud of the woman or man you are today. Value yourself just as you would like your daughter or son to value themselves.
  • Implement healthy eating, sleeping, and exercise habits and explain why that is so important for strength and health. I prefer to focus on words like “delicious” and “nourishing” for healthy food to highlight lifestyle factors and frame nutritious food options as a treat, rather than words like “diet,” “cleanse,” or “cheat” that focus on junk food as treats and healthy foods as punishment while aggrandizing shaming fads.
  • Remind your teen that what they see on social media and in ads isn’t always the real deal. Take an Internet browsing journey with them researching this topic by searching “photoshop hacks” or looking up Jean Kilbourne’s ground-breaking work in this area with her “Killing Us Softly” video series. A must-see!

Thank you to CSUCI Intern, Brooke Vandenbosch for her contributions to this important article! Wonder if only girls are susceptible to body image risk to mental health? Check out, “Body Shame and the Average American Male” for a discussion about how boys are increasingly affected as well.

I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetKidsInternetSafe.

Onward to More Awesome Parenting,

Tracy S. Bennett, Ph.D.
Mom, Clinical Psychologist, CSUCI Adjunct Faculty
GetKidsInternetSafe.com

Works Cited

1 – Sung, Y. , Lee, J. , Kim, E. , & Choi, S. (2016). Why we post selfies: Understanding motivations for posting pictures of oneself. Personality and Individual Differences, 97, 260-265.

2 – https://en.oxforddictionaries.com/word-of-the-year/word-of-the-year-2013

3 – Boon, S. and Lomore, C. (2001), Admirer-celebrity relationships among young adults.. Human Communication Research, 27: 432–465.

4 – Cosmetic & Beauty Products manufacturing in the U.S: Market Research Report. (2016, September). Retrieved December 07, 2016, from http://www.ibisworld.com/industry/default.aspx?indid=499

5 -Press Association Newswire (2014). ‘Very High Rates of Anxiety and Depression for Young Women. Newsquest Media Group.

6 – Wade, T., Keski -Rahkonen A., & Hudson J. (2011). Epidemiology of eating disorders. In M. Tsuang and M. Tohen (Eds.), Textbook in Psychiatric Epidemiology (3rd ed.) (pp. 343 – 360). New York: Wiley.

7 – Leit, R. (2002). “The Media’s Representation of the Ideal Male Body: A Cause for Muscle Dysmorphia?” International Journal of Eating Disorders, vol. 31, no. 3, pp. 334–338., doi:10.1002/eat.10019.

8 – Smolak, L. (2011). Body image development in childhood. In T. Cash & L. Smolak (Ed s.),Body Image: A Handbook of Science, Practice, and Prevention (2nd ed.). New York: Guilford.

9 – Aslund, C., Starrin, B., Leppert, J., & Nilsson, K. (2009). “Social Status and Shaming Experiences Related to Adolescent Overt Aggression at School.” Aggressive Behavior 35.1: 1-13. Web.

10 – Gym, Health & Fitness Clubs in the U.S: Market Research Report. (2016, October). Retrieved December 07, 2016, from http://www.ibisworld.com/industry/default.aspx?indid=1655

Photo Credits

Mirror by Allen Sky, CC BY 2.0

Mirror by Tif Pic, CC BY-ND 2.0

This is a MUST WATCH with your daughters and your sons!

6 Experts Share Productive Screen Time Tips for Kids

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On November 11, 2016 I was invited to participate in a panel discussion and present in a breakout session at the Safe Smart Social Conference at the Microsoft Corporate Headquarters in Los Angeles, CA. Here is a link to the panel presentation with thought leaders in child screen safety. My favorite takeaway?

***

How can we collaborate with technology to build a connection with our kids?

Strive to have a strong, fun, connection with your children that includes an ongoing dialogue; one of the best ways to achieve that connection is with tech. If children see us as a partner in tech, then we can keep the conversation open. Remember that the partnership between tech and your connection with your child is the most important. –Dr. Tracy Bennett, GetKidsInternetSafe

5 Back to School Tips for the Digitally Overtasked and Disorganized Parent

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blog88-momanddaughterdesk

We are back to school, mixed feelings and all. On the one hand, I’m sad about losing lazy barefoot jammy mornings and chill flip-flop afternoons. On the other hand, school brings a set schedule and less pressure to entertain bickering kids. Then there’s the fact that we didn’t get in enough after dinner neighborhood walks and forget about homemade picnics. It’s OK though, I’m so buried in permission slips and sports calendars right now I can barely squeeze in a moment for regret anyway. One thing I know, however, is taking a little bit of time out now to implement time- and stress-saving ideas is well worth it. Today’s GetKidsInternetSafe article offers parenting support and organizational strategies that will spark better efficiency and screen safety.

Organization in a busy household is like the creation of an earthquake kit, it only happens after something scares you into it. Maybe it’s the humiliation of the teacher calling you personally to pick up your forgotten child or that 5-tabbed excel spreadsheet from the volleyball coach that reveals every other parent already chose snack bar duty leaving you to choose between Halloween or Thanksgiving weekends. Whatever your inspiration, it’s time to pull it together before chaos takes you and the kids under. Here are some tips I provided to my overwhelmed clients this week. Hope it helps you feel confident in being “good enough” this week.

SORT AND DECLUTTER: OUT WITH THE OLD AND IN WITH THE NEW

I don’t know about you, but my kids can destroy a room in moments. A sure-fire solution is one hour spent sorting though the dresser and closet to toss or donate old clothes BEFORE the new ones mix in and implementing one-step solutions to laundry. For instance, last fall I bought each child a terry cloth robe to hang by the shower and laid down the law “no more towels.” Admittedly, I still find towels in their rooms on occasion when they fail to return their robes to the hook, but this easy solution has saved me two loads a week of soggy, piled up towels in corners of bedrooms.

SET TIME LIMITS, ROOM-BY-ROOM SCREEN BOUNDARIES, & YOUR GKIS COMMUNITY DOCKING STATION

If you’ve read my article about how teens are self-producing pornography, you know that closed doors, bedrooms, and bathrooms are ready sets for bad screen media choices. Also, screen use in the bedroom often results in late night use and dangerous dips in the sleep regulating hormone, melatonin. Sleep deprived kids are cranky and deprived of the rejuvenating neurological processes necessary for learning.

Implement and enforce set screen times and room rules and set up a GKIS community docking station near mom and dad for adequate nightly supervision. Free apps like Our Pact are amazing tech tools for universally turning off screen media at bedtime to support agreed-upon blackout times. No arguing, no fuss.

SET UP A SHARABLE DIGITAL FAMILY CALENDAR

Too scattered to follow your kids around reminding them of daily events? Set up a shared digital, color-coded calendar for view on their tablets and smartphones. Not only can they visit the calendar to plan their day, but you can also set up automatic reminders that banner across their screen. No more accusations of, “You never told me!”

ELIMINATE RESENTMENT WITH A SIMPLE IN-N-OUT BOX SET

No, I don’t mean double-double animal style cheeseburgers. This is about permission slips, homework due dates, and reminders delivered in a way that doesn’t tank parent-child conversations.

This week I had a tearful teen and an exasperated mom share how frustrated they were because the teen still needs reminders about piano practice and project due dates, but when mom mentions it the result is a lecturing mom, a defiant teen, and lingering resentment.

An easier way to communicate is a GKIS family organization center. If color-coded bins and Pinterest-inspired corkboards are beyond your pay grade, a simple in-out basket set will do. A note that says “Please don’t forget to show me your completed American History essay by tomorrow night 9 pm” in the inbox will be more successful without the dreaded angry spoken “tone.” And when Janie sees the note and then places it in the outbox, mom knows it was seen and acknowledged. No more waiting for that fleeting moment when you pass in the kitchen. The IN-OUT box set takes the worry off your plate and in the hands of your child, where it belongs.

CLEANSE YOUR SOCIAL MEDIA PROFILES & CHAT ABOUT IT

Are you burned out from too many emails and compulsive social media checking? Do something about it. Digitally cleanse! Take unnecessary social media apps off your phone and clean up your buddy lists. Spending time commenting on the profiles of people you never speak to is far less valuable than face-to-face time with your family and friends.

Share your reasons with your kids and engage in a discussion about the pros and cons of social media and gaming. Using it for reasonable entertainment is one thing, but if these digital tasks have become a priority, maybe it’s time to shave off less meaningful screen time. Not only will you love the extra time it brings to you, but you’ll be providing some important digital citizenship education to your kids and enrich that critical parent-child alliance.

By implementing these 5 simple tips, you will free up precious time best used connecting to happy, relaxed kids. Interested in creating a social media footprint that will be beneficial for college and employment opportunities? Stay tuned for next week’s article, The Social Media Resumè, How to Expertly Stylize Your Cyber Footprint to Attract College and Employment Opportunities.

I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetYourKidsInternetSafe.

Onward to More Awesome Parenting,

Tracy S. Bennett, Ph.D.
Mom, Clinical Psychologist, CSUCI Adjunct Faculty
GetKidsInternetSafe.com

Photo Credit

Woman and Young Girl In Kitchen With Laptop Smiling, CC BY-NC 2.0

If You Use Social Media, Beware of Sex Traffickers

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Reading today’s GKIS article will likely be shocking, horrifying, and frightening. If you are reading it for my Social Media Readiness Course and have not discussed these issues before, please seek out a parent or teacher to help you decide if it’s right for you to read it. If it isn’t, the adult can take the course quiz questions for you that apply to this article. I included this article in your lessons because I believe this is something social media users must know about so they can protect themselves. If they are not ready to learn about sex trafficking, they are too vulnerable to being tricked by criminals online and not ready to face the risks of social media.

What is Sex Trafficking?

Sex trafficking refers to the act of tricking or forcing someone into sex with paying customers. Traffickers typically lie, threaten violence, or engage in debt bondage (demanding services until a financial debt is paid off).

Although most Americans believe human sex trafficking is only a problem in poor countries, it happens in America too. Increasingly, kids from all types of families are being lured using social media. All it takes is smartphone access.

How likely is it that there is human sex trafficking in my town?

Two types of sex trafficking defined by the Trafficking Victims Protection Act of 2000 include domestic minor sex trafficking (the exchange of sex with a child under the age of 18 for the gain of cash, goods, or anything of value) and commercial sexual exploitation of children (such as exchanging images of child sexual assault, prostitution, child sex tourism, and child marriage).

In a 2014 report conducted by the Urban Institute, it was estimated that the underground illegal sex trade is bringing in profits as high as $290 million in Atlanta.[1] Other top-earning cities include Chicago, Las Vegas, Memphis, and New York City.

By grooming kids on social media and texting, traffickers have easy access to kids from any town. Common methods used to recruit and control victims include faking romantic interest (pretending to be the child’s boyfriend), emphasizing that nobody else understands them like they do, discouraging women from “having sex for free” (convincing them the money they will get paid is a good thing), and promises of expensive gifts.[1] Once the trafficker gains the child’s trust, it’s easy to set up a live meeting.

How does a trafficker obtain a child’s cooperation without their parents knowing?

All it takes is a curious teen and a motivated trafficker to create an online relationship that can lead to exploitation (using the child to earn money). Consider thirteen-year-old Savannah. Her parents never got around to setting up parental controls on the laptop she got for her birthday. One day she visited a website that was offering sugar daddies to pay for things and quickly fell under the influence of a sex trafficker.

“I don’t know why I did it . . . I didn’t know that I would have to have sex with them. I thought they would just buy me stuff because I was pretty,” claimed the attractive, well-spoken THIRTEEN-year-old girl. She had no idea what she was getting into. “Even as they were taking me to the hotel, I still wasn’t really sure what was going on,” said Savannah. Savannah said that if she didn’t cooperate, they would hit her, hold a gun to her head, and threaten to kill her. She lived in constant fear as a hostage because she was fearful of speaking out.[2]

Another story involves Teresa. She was like any other fifteen-year-old girl entering ninth grade. She lived in Detroit, and her dad had a high-paying government job. To lure her, a trafficker had a boy at her school pretend to like her. These criminals had been watching Teresa for a while before making their move on their “perfect” target. Teresa developed a crush on the boy who showed her attention and would tell her how beautiful she was. Then one day he offered her a ride home from school. She didn’t even think twice about the offer. Unfortunately, he never took her home.

Instead, he took her to an apartment where she was drugged and sexually assaulted. They used photographs of the assault to blackmail her and force her into sex slavery for months. They stalked and monitored her constantly and threatened that if she told anyone they would kill her family. At night they would sneak her out and take her to different homes. “Sometimes they were high-class homes, mansions, sometimes even politicians or business owners,” she stated. Ultimately, she was able to escape when her father was relocated for work. She never told her family what happened and to this day lives with the trauma.[3]

What can you do TODAY to GetKidsInternetSafe?

Insist that your child (or student) passes the GKIS Social Media Readiness Course

In 2023, the American Psychological Association released a Health Advisory on Social Media Use in Adolescence that offered recommendations to families for safer social media use. One of those recommendations was, “Adolescents’ social media use should be preceded by training in social media literacy to ensure that users have developed psychologically-informed competencies and skills that will maximize the chances for balanced, safe, and meaningful social media use.” Nine years before this recommendation, Dr. Bennett offered screen safety tools to families. Our Social Media Readiness Course covers the social media risks teens must know to keep themselves safe and offers psychological wellness tools to optimize the evaluation, problem-solving, and refusal skills necessary for safety.

Provide education about online risks and have ongoing discussions.

As a psychologist, much of my work starts with psychoeducation or teaching people about the issues that lead to harm and how to achieve wellness. People can only move to independent problem-solving if they understand the issue from an informed perspective.

From there, I move into teaching and skill-building. I walk kids through the security risks of social media, such as having public versus private profiles, posting with identifying information, having contact with strangers, and posting location information from geotagged photos or logos on clothing.

Once kids learn the risks, they get more serious about self-protection. GetKidsInternetSafe articles, like “White Supremacists or ISIS? Who’s Seducing Your Teen Online?” are awesome resources for education and immediately applicable tips.

Teach psychological wellness tools and encourage frequent practice.

Increasingly, teachers, parents, and mental health experts are teaching kids mindfulness and cognitive behavioral tools to help with healthy emotional identification, insight, and management. These tools help inoculate kids from the vulnerabilities that bad actors online exploit. Learning the tools, like those offered in the Social Media Readiness Course, is critical before using social media platforms including YouTube, TikTok, Instagram, Snapchat, Twitter, or Facebook.

Offer warm and nonjudgmental support.

Let your kids know that, just as everybody makes mistakes in nonvirtual life, it is expected that they also will make mistakes online. Create an ongoing cooperative dialogue about online life so your kids won’t fear shaming lectures or punishing consequences if they do ask for help.

Not only will this enrich your trust and connection with your kids, but it will also optimize the chance that they will come to you if they get worried or have questions. Usually, the learning goes both ways between Internet natives and Internet immigrants, which is a win-win! Our free Connected Family Screen Agreement gets that dialogue started, even about the uncomfortable topics of online safety.

Use parental controls and monitoring and filtering software.

We all want to trust our children to be honest with us and use good judgment. But counting on a child to use good judgment is not always enough to keep them safe online. Rather than allowing unmanaged access to online content and hoping for the best, use technology to block and filter content and monitor and manage use.

Set up a toolkit that fits your style of parenting from the recommendations in our GKIS Screen Safety Toolkit. Start with strict and more intrusive controls for young children and gradually allow more independence and privacy as they age and demonstrate skills and responsibility. Don’t be afraid to loosen up a little then tighten again as your child tests limits and experiments with online choices. Be honest, as sneaking and ambushing can damage that critical parent-child alliance. Cracking down once the damage is done is simply too late.

Take an hour to review social media profiles together.

  • Review and change security and privacy settings on each other’s social media profiles from public to private.
  • Use free apps to review metadata from posted photos and strip them of location information.
  • Change the settings on your smartphones to prevent geotagging when you use the camera. For the iPhone, it’s as simple as going to Settings> Privacy>Location Services >Camera. Then set the toggle switch to never.

Your influence is optimized if you have a fun, warm connection with your kids. I created the GetKidsInternetSafe Screen Safety Essentials Course to educate parents and offer doable parenting strategies so families could get on track with Internet safety.

I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetYourKidsInternetSafe.

Onward to More Awesome Parenting,

Tracy S. Bennett, Ph.D.
Mom, Clinical Psychologist, CSUCI Adjunct Faculty
GetKidsInternetSafe.com

Works Cited

[1] Dank, Meredith, Bilal Kahn, P. Mitchell Downey, Cybel Kotonias, Debbie Mayer, Colleen Owens, Laura Pacifici, and Lilly Yu. “Estimating the Size and Structure of the Underground Commercial Sex Economy in Eight Major US Cities.” Http://www.urban.org/events/shedding-light-americas-underground-commercial-sex-economy, 2014. Urban Institute, 12 Mar. 2014. Web.

[2] Kristof, Nicholas D., and Sheryl WuDunn. A Path Appears: Enriching the Lives of Others–and Ourselves. N.p.: Random House, 2014.

[3] ABC NEWS. “ABC NEWS- PRIMETIME.” PRIMETIME ABC NEWS. ABC. 9 Feb. 2006. Teen Girls’ Stories of Sex Trafficking in U.S. Web. 24 Feb. 2016.

5 Myths About Internet Safety

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Originally published by AdmireMoms

I’m a psychologist, a university lecturer, and a mom. Guess which job is the hardest? I’m not going to say that establishing screen safety in your home is easy. But I will say that, with support like GetKidsInternetSafe and plans like those in my Screen Safety Toolkit it’s totally doable and mega important. The fallout I see in my clinical office from poor safety planning is truly tragic. If you’re telling yourself one of these 5 myths, I encourage you to take some time and flush out an effective screen safety plan. You will rest so much easier once you do. On to the 5 myths I too often hear about Internet safety.

 

I SURVIVED IT, SO WILL THEY

When I think back about my childhood I grimace about the seven shades of peril I was often in. As latch key kids roaming the neighborhood in hoards, we were mostly in danger of falling out of trees and talking to strangers. Yes abduction was a concern, but neighbors were ever watchful and quick to reprimand us and tell our parents when we stepped out of line. (Sorry about the ding-dong ditching and prank calls Mr. and Mrs. Wong).

As an Internet safety expert and clinical psychologist, the online peril kids face today is far more insidious than that of yesteryear. Online predators don’t drive up and grab kids off the street. Instead they stalk them virtually on social media and chat rooms. With slow, steady contact they can gather a shocking amount of personal information that they utilize to form a relationship. They don’t need to grab them, the kids are coerced to come to them. Sprinkle in other risks like cybersecurity, exposure to inappropriate violent and sexual content, and cyberbullying and one can easily see online risks are real. This isn’t falling out of trees and reading your cousin’s Playboy magazine anymore.

 

WE TALKED ABOUT IT, SO NOW THEY KNOW BETTER

Education is an awesome first step to good online problem solving and resilience. But it isn’t enough. Kids may seem wise with their bravado and impressive technology expertise, but they’re not great at recognizing future consequence.

There’s a good reason for that. In the first 25 years of life the brain is undergoing massive remodeling. Brain cells that aren’t being used are dying off while others grow in synchronized and preplanned patterns among various brain regions. As a result, specialized skills emerge with each developmental phase.

The prefrontal region of the brain, the seat of judgment and problem solving, is among the last to mature. That means that kids don’t have the brain wiring to reason through complex online social situations, even if they’ve been told of the risks. Parents need to be present and alert every day to make up for those deficits and help them build resiliency skills throughout childhood. It’s a process rather than a one-time intervention.

 

IF I DON’T ALLOW IT, THEY’LL SNEAK IT ANYWAY

Let’s be honest, that’s a cop out. Yes it’s intimidating to program parental controls on screen devices and set up screen safety rules and structure, but the risk of letting this go is simply too high. I treat middle schoolers addicted to porn and high schoolers flunking out due to sleep deprivation from gaming and social media, among other serious problems. GetKidsInternetSafeis my way of supporting families preventively rather than treating issues after the fact. If done right, sneaking and hacking won’t undo the benefits. Parents need to do their jobs well to protect kids effectively. With support, screen safety is not as hard as most parents think.

 

EVERYBODY’S DOING IT, IT’S JUST THE TIMES

It does seem like everybody’s doing it, but that doesn’t mean your kids should. Overly restricting technology will interfere with your children’s academic and social well being, and so will being too permissive with screen media. It’s worth being that parentwho commits to a strategy and negotiates it actively as your children grow. That kind of active, warm, fun engagement also strengthens the parent-child relationship. When they see how awesome your kids are doing, other parents will follow your lead. That means your children’s friends will also be less likely to browse into trouble.

 

PARENTAL CONTROLS FILTER ADEQUATELY, PLUS I CHECK THEIR BROWSER HISTORY. I’M GOOD ON SCREEN SAFETY.

Of man . . . if only. Tech is getting more sophisticated and user friendly for sure, but nothing beats old-fashioned human ingenuity to come up with work arounds. The truth is, inappropriate content will show up on your children’s screens. It just will. Recently a teacher friend told me a story that she was looking up “big mouth bass” with a bunch of first graders, and by some horrifying stroke of the key an explicit body part filled the screen. She mimed what it was like to slap at the keyboard while launching her body in front of the screen, all while trying not to scream hysterically. This followed by several uncomfortable telephone conversations with, thankfully, understanding parents.

So what can we do? Build a powerful parent-child relationship, set up filtering and monitoring tech, and develop innovative parenting strategies to keep screen use moderate and safe. No need to be overly restrictive or overly permissive. And as a mom and psychologist, I urge honesty and transparency. Don’t risk losing your credibility by spying and ambushing your kids with online discoveries. Let them know from the beginning that you love them enough to be engaged with their nonvirtual AND virtual selves.

I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetYourKidsInternetSafe.

Onward to More Awesome Parenting,

Tracy S. Bennett, Ph.D.
Mom, Clinical Psychologist, CSUCI Adjunct Faculty
GetKidsInternetSafe.com

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