Memes are addictive and trashy, but that doesn’t stop an entire generation of people using and abusing them at any given time. The number of times I have tried to have a conversation over text with my brother and only received memes as answers is ridiculous. In fact, if I had a dollar for every meme that was sent my way, I’d be a debt-free woman. While memes appear pointless and mindless, parents can use them to manipulate their kids into doing homework and chores around the house. How you ask? All it takes is some knowledge about the dankest of memes, and you too shall become a meme lord.
What is a meme?
A meme is a highly shareabledigital image with a witty tagline. They are appealing, because they can be funny, clever, sarcastic, or simply tap into an unspoken but relatable concept. For example, some of my favorite memes are the ones that reference what it is like to have siblings, like the meme of a guy with an arrow through his head, captioned, “I’m sorry, you’re fine, please don’t tell mom.” Every time this tired meme pops up on Instagram, I have to share it. Memes not only offer personal entertainment, they are also a proven way to connect effortlessly to others.
The History of Memes
Believe it or not, memes were not birthed from the Internet! According to Britannica (2019), Richard Dawkins, a British evolutionary biologist, was the first to propose the concept of “memes” in his 1976 work The Selfish Gene. In a recentinterview with Vice (2018), Dawkins defined a meme as “the cultural equivalent of a gene,” meaning that, in the same way genes are passed down from person to person, memes culturally spread through the population. By his definition, cultural phenomena like fashion, slang, and fads can all be considered memes, as well as the traditional image with a caption that we see circulating social media today.
Dawkins’ ideas are elegantly illustrated with today’s dank memes(memes that are overused and overhyped) — for example the “free real estate” and the “salt bae” meme.
Salt bae: CNBC (2018) reported that the man behind the salt bae meme is Nusret Gokce, a chef and restaurant owner who became a viral sensation for the way he dramatically sprinkles salt on the steaks he’s prepared for guests. Since an Instagram video of him performing this action went viral, Gokce’s salt bae has become a dank meme and gets used for anything that is perceived as extra or snobbish.
Check out Gokce performing this amazing meme here.
Free real estate: This meme originated from the TV show, Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job!which aired on Cartoon Network’s late night TV Adult Swim. This hilarious sketch is in the form of a commercial in which Tim and Eric are desperately trying to convince a man named Jim to move into a free house. It ends with a close up shot of Tim whispering the timeless line, “It’s free real estate.”
In his YouTube video, “What makes a meme go viral?” Hank Green (2017) attributes the popularity of memes to the bandwagon effect. The bandwagon effectis when people join in on a trend or belief simply because others have told them to. Social media is a great way to increase the popularity of a meme, because it enables us to share them with the world. When someone finds a meme that they adore, they share it with anyone who will find it funny, usually with a caption like, “OMG you have to see this!”
Hank (2017) elaborates that a meme going viral depends on how extreme of an emotion it elicits in us. The more outrageous a meme, the more likely we are to share it. In my opinion, this also has to do with how nostalgic a meme’s content is. For example,the popular meme that features a clenched fist from the popular TV show Arthur can be used for a plethora of situations but is mainly used to elicit subtle levels of frustration and anger.
In my opinion, the reason this meme became such a viral sensation is the feelings of nostalgia it brought to millennials. I adored the TV show Arthur as a child, and every time this meme pops up on my Instagram discover page, it brings back memories from when I was small and cute.
The Most Insane Viral Memes
To become a meme lord, you must be familiar with these iconic memes.
Success Kid: In 2010, an image of a cute little baby at the beach clenching his fist began circulating the Internet. This image is usually used when something awesome happens that was unexpected. Check out its history here.
Distracted Boyfriend: The distracted boyfriend meme was discovered on Shutterstock, a site that houses royalty free images. Its appeal is self-explanatory.
World Record Egg: This is by far one of the most ridiculous things to have happened at the beginning of 2019. It all began when an account on Instagram wanted to see if a photo of an egg could
gain more likes than one of Kylie Jenner’s photos, which had 18 million likes. As of today, the great egg on Instagram has over 53 million likes and 9.9 million followers. This then sparked a series of memes with the captions, “Can this meme get more likes than the Kylie Jenner baby pic?”
Check out their Instagram to keep up-to-date on the hunt for the egg! @world_record_egg. Check out these amazing memes here.
Need more memes, because that just doesn’t feel like enough? Frequentknowyourmeme.com to maintain your newly-acquired meme lord status. You won’t be sorry.
How GKIS Parents Can Become Meme Lords
As the popularity of memes has rapidly risen over the last few years, it’s evident that memes are here to stay. Many people and workplaces are now using them to their advantage. Teachers are using them as motivational tools when they’re grading papers, and workplace managers post them in employee break rooms as funny motivational tools.
Mom, Dad – you too can be a meme lord! Not only can you bring humor into your everyday chore assignments, but you can mortify your kids for being quicker in-the-know than they are!
For example, use them as motivational and study tools when helping kids with homework. There is an entire genre of memes dedicated to random facts. These are known as WTF facts and include some fantastic information that you usually wouldn’t learn in a classroom. Of course, fact check. You can’t believe everything you read on the Internet. Kids love them! My younger brother will spend hours looking at these memes, especially the history ones.
What sites will help GKIS parents become meme kings and queens?
If you can’t find what you’re looking for, make one! Believe it or not, making memes is as simple as pulling up free design sites/apps like Canva or Imgur. Remember, if it doesn’t cause immediate laughs, then it’s probably not a meme!
Dr. Bennett founded GKIS as a service for parents looking to have more fun with their kids, which means joining them where they’re at. Become a meme lord to lighten up, have fun, and encourage mutual meme sharing with your goofy brood. If your kids are younger than eleven, they’ll be in awe of you. If their tweens or teens, you’ll get a mortified eye roll – which Dr. Bennett says is “the best you’re gonna get outta teens.” haha.
Thank you to CSUCI intern, Kassidy Simpson for providing parents with information they need to help become as meme savvy as their kids. Need more support to get Internet savvy and partner with your kids instead of lecture them? You’ll love our GKIS Connected Family Online Course. Designed to help parents lighten up and have fun with their kids while improving screen safety, you’ll see why Dr. B’s kids say she’s “the fun mom.”
I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetKidsInternetSafe.
Move over debutante balls and high school dances, unboxing a brand new smartphone is the new coming-of-age ritual for today’s teens.[6] Teenagers born in 1995 and after are the first generation to live their entire adolescence with a smartphone.[5] In 2017, ten years old was the national average for receiving a smartphone.[6] This profound and sudden cultural shift has fundamentally changed childhood and parenting. Smartphones are a new-found necessity and parents are scrambling to provide one as soon as possible.
“What’s the WiFi password?”
Technology is an important part of our modern culture. In comparison to the rest of the world, the United States provides cell phones to the youngest kids.[8] Everywhere you go there’s a child or teen glued to a screen. There are babies listening to “Baby Shark” in their strollers during morning walks with mom, toddlers playing Candy Crush in their restaurant booster seats, and teenagers scrolling their Instagram feeds while blindly following their parents around Costco. It shouldn’t be surprising that adults and kids alike spend more than half of their days staring at a smartphone screen.[6]
With a smartphone in every hand, parents are peer pressured by their friends and begged by their children to provide one. Parents feel guilty for withholding one for too long because they see their children socially isolated.[11] Yet, giving a smartphone to a ten-year-old today is fundamentally different than when parents gave sixteen-year-olds flip phones in the 90s.[4]
Nokia Flip Phone vs. iPhone
Down to the basics, the main function of a cell phone is to call and send text messages wirelessly with no data. Smartphones such as iPhones, Androids, Google Pixels, and so forth have transformed those basic necessities.[7] They need data and WiFi to power infinite applications and endless Internet access. Basically, it’s a mini-computer that is more powerful than all of NASA’s computing power in 1969…in the palm of your hand!
Innovative or Addictive?
Unlike phones in the 70s, there are thousands of engineers and tech designers updating smartphones every day.[5] Their job is to make sure that smartphones and applications consume all our attention. They dazzle us with colorful visuals, sound effects, and seamless switching between applications. Studies have shown that children exposed at a young age to these stimulating effects become wired to crave easy dopamine release.[12] Instead of going outside and playing with their friends, they turn to their screens for pleasure
Sean Parker confessed to taking advantage of the human psyche when developing Facebook.[1] The former president of Facebook explained their objectives were, “How do we consume as much of your time and conscious attention as possible?”[1] He and Mark Zuckerberg knew that small hits of dopamine from notifications would hook everyone.[1] Parker reflects, “I don’t know if I really understood the consequences…God only knows what it’s doing to our children’s brains.”[1]
It’s true. Silicon Valley’s tech executives have become wary of their own creations. They’ve noticed the negative effects on their own children.[11] For example, Apple’s co-founder Steve Jobs limits his children’s tech time. He even kept the iPad away from them when it was first released.[10]
Smartphone Dependency
With all this power comes responsibility. Former Apple designer Tony Fadell struggles with whether his apple products have helped or hurt society.[2] In his own children he has seen smartphone dependency:
“They literally feel like you’re tearing a piece of their person away from them — They get emotional about it, very emotional…They go through withdrawal for two to three days.”[2]
Dr. Bennett details in her book, Screen Time in the Mean Time: A Parenting Guide to Get Kids and Teens Internet Safe, how smartphone dependency is like that of drug and alcohol addictions. Whenever teens hear a notification or see new content, dopamine is released and pleasure is felt. If too much time is spent apart, the smartphone-dependent gets agitated. There’s even evidence that we get distracted just by having a smartphone near us, even if it’s turned off as if we are in a state of chronic hypervigilance for notification. She chooses to have a screen-free classroom, stating that the research demonstrates that, not only is the screen users distracted from the lecture, but so are those around them.
Notifications on smartphones can be so addicting they cause phantom buzzing or ringxiety. Daniel Kruger researched cell phone dependency at the University of Michigan. His study found that “if your phone is rubbing in your pocket or if you hear a similar tone, you might experience it as your phone vibrating or ringing, especially if your phone messages are highly rewarding to you.”[3] That’s how adept our attention has become to our smartphones.
“Best” Age
Many studies have tried to determine which age would be best for a smartphone. Recently, the World Health Organization (WHO) came out with guidelines recommending no screen use for infants under one year of age and only an hour a day for kids under 5. Dr. Bennett’s GKIS guidelines, which are offered in her must-have Connected Family Online Course, are consistent with this recommendation as well. The American Academy of Pediatrics and the Canadian Pediatric Society also recommend no screen time for toddlers younger than two years old.[12]
Many parents are under the false impression that virtual reality can replace real-life lessons for toddlers. But the psychological research shows that the skills don’t transfer over. For example, toddlers who play building block games don’t know how to build the same blocks when presented the toys in real life.[5] This is because the toddlers didn’t develop the skills before seeing it on the Internet.
Furthermore, Dr. Bennett states in her keynote lectures that some kids are less likely to try a task after seeing performed on YouTube. It’s as if watching “scratches the itch” of wanting to do it themselves. How-to videos often demonstrate an effortless learning curve, as the practice and messy sessions are edited out – leaving a quick and perfectly executed trial to view. When a child tries out the task themselves, they can fall into “compare and despair,” feeling that their very normal imperfect trial was a failure rather than a healthy try.
Dr. Bennett recommends that, from two to twelve years old, children shouldn’t have Internet-enabled smartphones. A normal flip phone that only allows for calling and texting will suffice for any safety concerns. Some starter phones even have GPS tracking.
Those are a general rule of thumb since all children vary in maturity. Age doesn’t qualify a child to use a smartphone well but instead impulse control, social awareness, and true comprehension of what technology does.[5] Bill Gates’ household requires at least one of the following to be met before a smartphone is given[6]:
Must be 14 years old
Demonstrate behavioral restraint
Comprehend the value of face-to-face communication
Dr. Bennett further points out that, even at 14 years old, kids don’t have the brain development to anticipate consequences and engage in high-order thinking. Just telling them what not to do will not keep them from making unwise, impulsive decisions online. In fact, kids are neurologically programmed to copy some of the cruel and vulgar behaviors they will invariably run across online, even with parental controls. Be prepared to calmly coach them through a variety of online mistakes. No child escapes it.
Wait Until 8th Campaign
If you’re looking for a place to start, GKIS recommends Wait Until 8th. As of March 2019, 20,000 families across the entire nation have signed the Wait Until 8th pledge.[9] These families have pledged not to give their children smartphones until at least the 8th grade. They emphasize that it isn’t the only path, but a path that offers a safe space for parents with the same concerns. Professionals in law, psychology, education, healthcare, business, and social work created the non-profit pledge.[10] They’re parents who have seen the negative effects of premature smartphone usage in classrooms, court systems, private practices, communities, and households. By spreading the pledge, the Wait Until 8th Campaign hopes to:
Increase engagement in education
Encourage parents to set screen time boundaries
Change society’s view on technology so children can live authentic childhoods
“Can I have one now?”
Your teens will eventually get a smartphone, like everyone else. We don’t want to restrict them for so long that they go wild once given access. But first, we have to coach them to make good decisions on their own. This way, we can better trust them to be mature when facing issues like cyberbullying and age-inappropriate content. As simple as they seem, smartphones are very powerful. With that power comes great responsibility for parents to make sure that smartphones are a tool we use, not a tool that uses us.
Already given them a smartphone or getting ready to start? It’s never too late to make some adjustments. Dr. Bennett has put together a reliable Screen Safety Toolkit to help you get started. This resource offers links and explanations of parental control options on devices, through your Internet service provider, and through third party products so you can match your child’s use patterns with the right toolkit. She also offers a bonus of great learning apps and websites to help your child build their joy of tech-assisted learning!
Thank you to our GKIS intern Hanna Dangiapo for writing about this topic! (She admits that she still reminisces about her Motorola Razr).
I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetKidsInternetSafe.
Did you know that Instagram has become a popular dating app?[10] As Tinder users transition to Instagram, child profiles may be increasingly viewed in a sexualized way by strangers. Unlike traditional dating apps, Instagram doesn’t have the stringent age restrictions. Find out what you need to know if your kids or teens have Instagram. Haven’t implement social media rules yet? Dr. Bennett’s Connected Family Online Course is a MUST have for families with school-age kids.
Instagram partners with Tinder.
Tinder is a dating app that allows users to peruse the profile of a potential hookup or dating partner. Swipe left if you’re not interested and right you are. Mutual right swipes opens opportunity for private messaging.[7]
Instagram, on the other hand, is a social media profile that allows users to share images and create a profile displaying their posts. Users can upload to their story, which lets others see what they are doing without posting to their profile. Stories disappear within 24 hours. Public profiles can be viewed by anyone, not just friends; while users must send a friend request before gaining access to posts on private accounts. Other features include direct messaging and live streaming.
In 2015, Instagram partnered with Tinder in response to users increasingly recognizing its advantages for dating and sex, providing more communication features and access to a larger user population.[20]Linking the two social media platforms allows other Tinder users to view your most recent Instagram posts.[9][11]
Previously Tinder accounts provided only basic information (first name, employment, education level, and bio), only allowing you access to other profiles when both users have swiped right.[13] In contrast, on Instagram users can choose what and how much they share about themselves on their profile, allowing all users to view your profile, unless the account is private.
Tinder profiles now include:
user’s location
multiple photos
city
gender
age (optional)
connection to Instagram profile (optional)
top Spotify artists (optional)
boomerangs (optional)
Tinder Gold (in-app purchase)
Are teens using dating apps?
60% of dating app users are between the ages of 18-24.[32]
The largest demographic on Instagram is males between 18-24 years old.[33]
US college students are turning to dating apps when bored or in need of a confidence boost.[2]
By the year 2040, an estimated 70% of coupleswill meet online.[3]
Dating App Fatigue
Why not just stick with Tinder? Experts posit that the change may be in response to dating app fatigue.[2] Studies have found that 32.9% of Tinder users delete the app within a day of downloading it.[3] Also, other dating apps do not provide the same amount of discretion and mystery as Instagram dating. Instagram allows its users to look for a romantic partner without everyone knowing they are on the market.[8]
Instagram Features that Facilitate Dating
Instagram is one of the main sources of social interactions for young people due to the following intuitive and useful features:
Stories feature (disappear in 24 hours):
Allows users to know who views their stories daily[2]
Remarkably low-risk ability to engage with a stranger or someone you’ve previously met in a seemingly spontaneous way (manner)[3]
Allows control over who can view your stories[4]
Offers a place to engage in a new form of casual stalking[6]
Direct Message (DM):
Messages come from people that the user knows, not a stranger.[6]
Provides a false sense of security, especially for kids
Profile:
The shift from viewing only those who have swiped right to seeing all profiles that are not private, provides users with a larger pool of dating options.
Explore Tab:
Caters to what you are used to seeing by showing users similar profiles to the ones they are viewing regularly.
Makes it easier for strangers to approach strangers.
Pops up random profiles that you would be interested in but may not have found on your own.
Gives people the opportunity to approach others that wouldn’t have had the opportunity to on other less popular dating apps.
Tindstagramming
“Sliding into someone’s DM” is the result of Instagram becoming a combo social media/dating app.[6]This refers to reaching out through someone’s direct message when romantically interested. DMs allow the user to hide behind their carefully crafted virtual identity.[9]
Engaging in tindstagramming is becoming more popular. Once-refused users on Tinder now have another shot at potentials on Instagram.[6]Some Tindstagrammers ignore the consensual component that comes with dating in real life.[7]This annoying trend was made easier when the two platforms partnered.
InstaDating
If you like someone, why bother with the complications of real-life flirting? Simply pressing a “like” button on Instagram is equivalent to giving someone a compliment. But it gets pretty subtle. For instance, if you “like” multiple photos it tells that person you are interested in more than friendship. Want to walk up to someone you think is cute and say hello? Now all you have to do is post a comment. The biggest telltale factor of dating on Instagram is when you start DMing. This is where the real flirting starts, and you know that the person is trying to make a move.[4]
Instagram is now our very own advertisement for our dating life.[4] The problem lies in the curation of our personalities online. If we form a connection with someone, they will only know the parts of us that we have shared (or falsely fabricated). So many features, so many options for your perfected virtual identity.
Statistics reveal that tinstagramming is catching on. A 2018 survey of men ages 18-35 found:
14% claimed to use the site to find dates
30% said they use photos from the site to masturbate
7% have paid for nude photos/videos on Instagram
5% have paid for sex on Instagram[20]
Hashtags are used to let others know you are looking to date:
#hookup
#sex
#davido
#chefchi
#lagos[30]
Instagram Dating Lingo
I have found it shockingly common for people to admit they met their partner on Instagram. Now that Instagram is so highly associated with dating, terms have been coined to describe different things couples do.
Here are new terms every parent should know:
Thirst Traps: A thirst trapis either a seductive video or image that’s posted to draw attention from people and receive approval.[4] When dating online, this could be the equivalent of dressing very promiscuously and going out to dance.
Sub-gramming (subgram):Subgrammingoccurs when someone posts photos on their profile that they have talked about with the person they are dating. They have not experienced it together, but it is in some way personal to them.[29]
Twinstagramming:Twinstagframmingis when both people in a relationship post the same (or practically identical) images. This allows others to insinuate that the two are dating.[29]
Orbiting: Orbitingis in a sense the opposite of ghosting. It takes place when, even after communication has ceased, someone continues to watch your stories daily. This is done when someone is still somewhat interested and wants to keep you as an option. However, they choose not to pursue you.[26]
Changes Seen in Real Life Dating
The social acceptance of online dating is a far cry from the negative stigma that used to be associated with it. Flirting also has less pressure associated with it. If you get rejected or ignored, simply try again. So many profiles to choose from…
Since 2017, posting a photo and becoming “Instagram official” has become a common practice for monogamous relationships.[29] Our children’s idea of chivalry is turning into whether their significant other watches their Instagram stories.[24]
It is also changing the way people show their affection in relationships. Users know their relationship is ill-fated when their companion stops viewing their stories.[24]
What to Teach our Kids
A new potential problem with Instagram becoming a dating site is the risk of more sexualized content and predatory people kids may encounter. If your child is at an age that you think dating is appropriate, there is more to teach them than there has been in the past. It’s better to have you teach your children these things than have them turn to outside sources for possibly misguided information.
What you can do:
Establish with your child what it looks like when someone cares for you.Make sure they have a firm grasp on reality. Explain to them how they should be treated in a relationship.
Help them create and maintain confidence and feelings of self-worth.Help them by facilitating engagement in tasks that are creative and fuel the soul.
Offer healthy off-screen hobbies when boredom strikes
Remind them you’re there.Avoid soul-killing lectures. Instead engage in fun, mutual conversations and encourage mutual story-telling. Challenge them to form their own opinions and encourage assertiveness. If they speak up to you, they’re more likely to speak up to dangerous others. Most of all, never let them forget that your love for them is unconditional.
How to Keep Your Child Safe on Instagram
Set account to private.
Use two-factor authentication. This offers more security upon login by requiring a password and your mobile device to access.[16]
No last name, identifying information or sexualized photos.
Control who views posts. Block anyone that you do not want to see your child’s posts (additional precaution to a private account).
Turn off location settings.[15]
Require that your child only friends people they know.
Report anything that makes you feel that your child’s safety is at risk.
Check your child’s account regularly. Remember, kids commonly have more than one Instagram profile (public, private, and finstagram).
Onward to More Awesome Parenting,
Tracy S. Bennett, Ph.D.
Mom, Clinical Psychologist, CSUCI Adjunct Faculty
Works Cited
[10] NZ Herald. “Lee Suckling: Why Instagram is the new Tinder” Lee Suckling, 2018.
[20] Mirror Techology. “Insta-bang? One in 20 men has PAID for sex on Instagram, survey reveals.” Shivali Best, 2018.
[3] Google. “Instagram is the only dating app we’re all using.” Dane Maximov, 2018.
[2] The Future Laboratory. “With real-life encounters still considered an unreliable means to instigate romance, Instagram makes sense as a more practical tool for match-making.” Holly Friend, 2018.
[32] Recode “Tinder and Instagram are ‘crippling’ relationships, sex therapist.” Eric Johnson, 2018.
[33] Google. “47 Incredible Instagram Statistics.” Kit Smith, 2019.
[6] Mashable. “Sliding into Instagram DMs is the new way of digitally flirting,” Rachel Thompson, 2017.
[7] Independent. “‘Tindstagramming’ is a new dating trend – and it needs to stop.” Olivia Petter, 2017.
[9] New York. “The Scourge of the Tindstagrammer: Tinder Rejects Who Creep on Instagram.” Paris Martineau, 2017.
[13] Refinery 29. “Tindstagramming Is The Creepy New Dating Trend You Need To Know.” Natalie Gil, 2017.
[11] VIDA Select. “How To Link And Disconnect Tinder From Instagram”
[8] Digital Trends. “First comes Instagram, then comes love: Why Instagram is displacing dating apps.” Molly McHugh, 2013.
[4] The New York Times. “Instagram Is Now a Dating Platform, Too. Here’s How It Works.” Valeriya Safronova, 2017.
[30] Google. “Hashtags for #hookup” 2017.
[29] Medium. “Going “Instagram official” is the new way to declare your relationship status.” Taylor Lorenz, 2017.
[26] HuffPost. “I Gave Up Dating Apps And Caught The Man Of My Dreams In A Thirst Trap On Instagram” Emily McCombs, 2018.
[24] “The New Dating Requirement: Consuming All of Your Partner’s #Content” Taylor Lorenz, 2018.
[16] Instagram Press. “Tips for Staying Safe on Instagram by Instagram Info Center.” Instagram Press, 2017.
[15] Mothers Circle. “5 Instagram Safety Tips for Teens.” Ali DeCesare, 2013.
Does Lil Tay sound like a nine-year-old your child knows? The “youngest flexer of the century” was an internet sensation before her materialistic persona dragged her and her family down. With two million followers, Lil Tay didn’t shy away from using profanity to call other people broke or kick a Rolls-Royce. Accessories in her posts included wads of cash and million-dollar homes.[7] She isn’t the first or only young one showing off money and what it can buy. What is this social media trend?
Flexing on the Gram
Flexing (showing off wealth) on the Gram(Instagram) is a popular social media trend.[3] Upcoming celebrities like “Gucci Gang” rapper Lil Pump flex on the gram to prove they’ve made it to the top.[4] His image is particularly known for flashing Gucci threads head to toe. When critics say he’s inadequate, Lil Pump argues his expensive clothing makes him worthy.
Other social media celebrities flex to build their brand in the same way. Rubber bands of cash and expensive goods bring millions of followers. Riches reflect success and outrageous posts attract engagement.
Internet personality RiceGum is a perfect example. His YouTube diss tracks are notorious for bragging about his money, cars, and a million-dollar home. His lyrics talk about how all those things make him better than other YouTube stars.[3]
Instagram Envy Leads to Compare and Despair
With a continuous stream of real-time, unfiltered, unedited, and freshly published posts, fans have an on-demand, front-row seat to the rich and famous.[1] The compare and despair of watching friends, celebrities, and idols live lavish lifestyles makes them believe they too need cars, houses, and clothes to succeed in life.[3] Ariana Grande promotes the idea in her hit single “7 Rings,” “Whoever said money can’t solve your problems must not have had enough money to solve ’em.” [6]
Social psychologists call this new phenomenon Instagram Envy.[1] Child psychologist, Allen Kanner, states that children believe, “If I could have this product that’s associated with all of this success, then I’m going to be able to join this world. I’ll feel better about myself.”[4]
Provoking envy and anxiety make fans want to spend, leading a generation too willing to go into impulsive buying and higher levels of debt.[8] A 2017 analysis discovered a rise in credit card debt for young adults 18 – 20 years old where the average amount owed was $611.[1]
Studies have found that materialism (holding material things as too important) among children may cause them to become overly focused on what they can gain from friends and family and contribute to more self-centeredness and aggression.[8]
In extreme cases, children blame their parents for not providing the wealth they desire. When their parents can’t help them, children buy high fashion knockoffs. For example, replicas of Kanye West’s designer sneakers called “Yeezys” are highly sought after.[5]
Profits made from these fake designer goods fund illegal organizations. These organizations take part in “terrorism and the trafficking of drugs, people, sex, and wildlife.”[5]
It’s difficult to explain to children that not everything that glitters is gold. Studies have shown that being rich and famous are top priorities for today’s generation.[1]
Social media has given a false idea that such a lifestyle is easily achieved overnight. However, most of the money shown off on social media doesn’t really belong to the person who’s posting about it.[7] Children forget that social media is a staged reality.[8] For instance, the cars and mansions Lil Tay posed in actually belonged to the homes that her mother represented as a realtor.[7]
Why do people show off on social media?
Some show off on social media to make a statement to the world.[3] They feeling driven to prove they’ve made it to the top.[3] But instead of feeling happy once they buy the thing they’ve longed for, research demonstrates that they end ups feeling anxious and dissatisfied.[9]
Others show off “to arouse jealousy, envy, or other negative emotions” in others.[2] They create Instagram Envy to prove that they can’t be overshadowed.[2]
Some people believe that showing off their money will bring them more friends.[3] Teens are particularly vulnerable to the need for attention and validation.
Ideas About How to Start a Fun Conversation with Your Kids
Here at GetKidsInternetSafe, we want your children to dream big and accomplish their aspirations. Social media takes down walls to show that all-star athletes and pop artists were once normal kids too. They did their homework and helped their mother with the groceries. Be wary of the messages that Instagram Envy and Flexing tell our children. Counter the social media culture by having in-depth conversations on concepts your kids have yet to think about. For example:
Showing off material wealth on social media brings fans, not friends.
Teaching your kids that, rather than bringing more friends, studies have shown that people prefer to be friends with someone with a simpler lifestyle.[3] These fake friends often have ulterior motives.[2]
How does wealth affect relationships with friends? Genuine friends will always be by your side whether you’re rich or poor.
Can you have quality relationships if you’re breaking others down to build yourself up?
Wealth comes from a good work ethic.
Children are brainwashed into thinking that being disrespectful and obscene on the internet can easily roll in cash. Doing dangerous pranks, making hurtful comments, and participating in age-inappropriate activities are just a few examples. Start a discussion about how wealth actually comes about.
What is a good work ethic?
What is perseverance, and what do people learn from it? Making a sustainable income doesn’t happen overnight. Most successful people put in hours of hard work before making it to the top. Some fail a few times before catching their big break. Enduring the journey toward success will teach you more about yourself than the shortcut.
Follow uplifting social media sites created to inspire with positivity and stories of hope.
Some posts give advice or insight to encourage others.[2] That’s why impoverished children idolize the Instagram profiles of famous rappers who came from the same projects.[4] They see someone from the same struggling upbringing break the barriers for a better life.[4]
Your values define your definition of “wealth.”
People value different things, and what we value forms our idea of what wealth is. These values change throughout our lives as we learn through our experiences. As children grow through their personal journeys, help them become the best versions of themselves.
What are your dreams?
What kind of image do you want for yourself?
Do you want to help make the world a better place?
Is passion for your career worth more than money in your pocket?
Is working countless hours of overtime worth it for a fancy car?
In what ways does it benefit family life or take away from it?
These examples will help you start a mutual, complex conversation with your children so they can think further than celebrating a Rolls Royce. You’ll be able to pass on your wisdom, navigate their confusion, and give them the confidence to aim higher.
Thanks to Hanna Dangiapo for covering this modern topic! Want to learn more ways to protect your child from RiceGum-like content? Check out Dr. Bennett’s GKIS Connected Family Online Course
I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetKidsInternetSafe.
There is a YouTube/TikTok trend of parents pulling pranks on their kids for viral shares. Some appear to be innocent jokes. Others are recordings of parents screaming at their children while the kids cry. Debates fill comment sections on how wrong it is to capitalize on “bullying” a vulnerable child. Professionals argue that this “comedy” violates trust and traumatizes children. It has even been argued that sharing milder pranks is still harmful, exposing children to the cruelty of internet trolls. In contrast, fans of the pranking videos complain that people need to lighten up. After all, we survived similarly harmless pranks when we were kids. Read this article and ask yourself, “When is the line crossed between comedic relief to child abuse?”
YouTube’s Response
YouTube videos go viral, fast. The comedy of pranking gives videos an extra boost in popularity. Yet, they got so out of hand that YouTube clarified their child safety policies in January 2019. They added that the mere perception of endangerment or vulnerability is unacceptable:
“We’ve made it clear that our policies prohibiting harmful and dangerous content also extend to pranks with a perceived danger of serious physical injury. We don’t allow pranks that make victims believe they’re in serious physical danger – for example, a home invasion prank or a drive-by shooting prank. We also don’t allow pranks that cause children to experience severe emotional distress, meaning something so bad that it could leave the child traumatized for life.”[1]
The Invisibility Prank
The invisibility prank was a fad for some time. In these pranks, families were videoed as they deceived children into believing that a magic chant made them disappear.[4]
Here’s how it worked:
First, the main pranksters let family members in on the joke so they can play along. Then the pranksters volunteer the child for a “disappearing magic trick.” The child sits on a chair in the middle of the room while the audience surrounds him. The magician covers the child with a blanket, and says three magic words, then ta-da! This is the audience’s cue to act completely surprised that the trick worked. Some get angry saying, “This isn’t funny! Bring him back!” Others gasp in astonishment. Whenever the child touches someone, they pretend to be spooked by this unseen force. The biggest part of this prank takes place when the pranksters ask the child to take a picture. The child doesn’t know the pranksters staged the picture beforehand. The fake picture shows the prankster’s arm hugging nothing. That empty space is where the child was supposed to be. The child sobs at this point because they’re desperate for acknowledgment.[2]
The Martin Case
An infamous case of YouTube pranking is that of the YouTube channel “DaddyoFive.” After their local county received several citizen complaints, the YouTube couple lost custody of two children in 2017. A county judge sentenced Michael and Heather Martin to five years of probation on child neglect charges. A neuropsychologist determined that the children experienced “observable, identifiable, and substantial impairments of their mental or psychological ability to function.”
The Martins had over 300 videos of them verbally, mentally, and or physically abusing their children for “pranks.” The Martins pleaded that the pranks supported their family with thousands of dollars of YouTube ad profit.[8]
Where the Line Is Crossed
At GetKidsInternetSafe we put children first, always. We believe that supporting child mental health and a strong, positive parent-child alliance is extremely important.
Pranking, which takes the form of bullying, may traumatize children if it repeatedly creates emotional, mental, and or physical duress.[5][7] Victims of pranking may suffer chronic anxiety, as they remain hypervigilant for the next prank will occur. Once pranked, they may no longer trust their parents or their surroundings. Surprise pranks may contribute to social issues, defiance, cyclic bullying, depression, and aggression.[7] Children with pre-existing behavioral and mental health issues are particularly vulnerable.[7]
Before the Internet, family pranks were private and lost their sparkle quickly in favor of empathetic support and good judgment. YouTube, TikTok, Twitter, Instagram, and Snapchat broadcast private moments to thousands and sometimes millions of strangers.[5] Strangers in the community and friends at school get to see a child pee their pants from being so scared. While the world laughs at their fragility, the loss of privacy magnifies their insecurity.[6] This embarrassment extends at-home bullying to the public causing cyberbullying or public harassment.[7]
YouTubers, like Logan Paul, increasingly push the boundaries to increase viewers and keep people entertained. These prank-based YouTube channels push the same boundaries but for the sake of their children’s health and safety.
The Balance
Not all parents maliciously prank their children to the extremes. For some families, jokes and ongoing pranks are traditions that bond everyone together.[9] In our family, we yell “123 not it” at the end of our meals at restaurants. Whoever is last has to carry the leftovers out and put them in the fridge when we get home.
When children are mature and the jokes are gentle, pranks can be positive lessons in trust.[9] According to sociologist Gary Alan Fine, “We can play these games with each other and we trust each other sufficiently that we won’t get angry, that we will be friends afterward, despite this momentary uncomfortableness.”[9] Pranks also help people develop a sense of humor, which is a useful coping skill.[5]
Arguably, parents tricking their children into believing that the Tooth Fairy and Santa Claus exist are good examples of appropriate pranks. The jokes gently play with the child’s innocence. These videos are memories cherished with laughter as our children grow older. They exhibit pure-hearted children living happy childhoods.
Things to Consider Before Posting a Prank Video
Trust your gut.
Every child’s temperament varies. Cultures, ethnicities, and family dynamics all differ. How a child will react to a prank is best known by their parent. Parental instinct and listening to our guts are our best courses of action.
Ask your child before posting.
Part of the GKIS Connected Family Screen Agreement explains that family members will not post images or videos of each other without permission. This is a critical step to building important dialogue for negotiation and trust. This applies to pranking as well.
Anticipate how that video will be received by other adults and peers.
It’s easy to get caught by the urge to instantly share hilarious moments with the internet. But take a moment before hitting “post” to consider how your child will feel in a year or two with the video still online. Think about who has access to your content. Follow the GKIS Grandma Test: “Would grandma have a problem seeing this?”
Will it target your child for further bullying?
For example, imagine a group of fifth graders seeing your family’s prank. Will they be laughing with your child or at them? Will they give your child a demeaning nickname?
Will copycat behaviors be unkind or cruel?
Anticipating the consequences of these videos is essential before posting.
Thanks to Hanna Dangiapo for covering this important, sensitive issue. If you’re ready to start a more positive, cooperative connection with your family and increase screen sanity, check out our GKIS Connected Family Online Course. With 10 easy steps, you can bring the fun back into family life.
I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetKidsInternetSafe.
Child fantasy jobs used to be astronaut, doctor, or professional athlete. Nowadays, kids all dream of being a YouTube Celebrity. In the GKIS article, GetKidsInternetSafe Tips for YouTube, we touched on why kids love these celebrities and the appeal of the let’s play video. In this article, you’ll find out how YouTube celebrities build their brands and maintain popularity. You may be surprised to learn it isn’t as easy as it looks.
What is a YouTube celebrity?
In the ‘social media era,’ children and adolescents are consumed by screen time. While TV, Blockbuster, cable, CD’s, and iPods reigned in the 1990’s, YouTube, Snapchat, Instagram, Spotify, Netflix, and Amazon Prime rule today. According to Pew Research Center’s recent report on teens, social media, and technology, 95% of teens have smartphone access, and 45% claim that they are online ‘almost constantly’. [1]
YouTube is the most popular social media platform in the world. Valued at $100 billion, this wildly successful platform allows people to create careers by uploading videos and serving followers.
With the evolution of online marketing, the concept of “celebrity” and “influencer” has shifted. Instead of a celebrity ruled by stylists, publicists, and managers, now “everyday people” can build their individual brand. Many YouTube celebrities attract millions of view and earn the loyalty of obsessed subscribers. Big money can be made with brand deals, ad sponsorships, award shows, product lines, and conferences.
Why are YouTube celebrities so popular?
Successful YouTube celebrities know their audience. Through fad tracking, affiliate marketing, and frequent interaction and surveys with subscribers, they find out what their audience wants…and they give it to them. YouTube celebrity videos range from makeup tutorials, do-it-yourself (DIY) crafts, let’s play videos (playing video games on camera with reactions and tips), pimple popping, and dangerous pranks. You name it, YouTube most likely has it. YouTube celebrities work hard to drive subscribers to their site, building a platform so they can make millions of dollars annually. Why are YouTube celebrities so popular among youth?
YouTube celebrities are better at creating relationships.
Unlike highly-produced mainstream celebrities, YouTube celebrities seem relatable to kids. They are not afraid to be themselves and tend to share personal experiences about sensitive topics like sex, drugs, mental health, dating, and abuse. They are like the crazy aunts and uncles we used to seek out at family reunions. More outlandish than parents, they make fun mentors.
YouTube celebrities are accessible.
Available on demand, YouTube celebrities make deliberate efforts to acknowledge and talk directly to their viewers. They are accessible through social media, answer questions in Q&A panels, and regularly respond on comments with their viewers. The relationship YouTube celebrities develop with their fan base leads to quality engagement. A study commissioned by Google has shown that 70% of teenage YouTube subscribers relate to YouTubers more than the traditional celebrity. [2]
Kids are lonely, depressed, and anxious.
As parent fear has increased, child exploration range has decreased. This leaves kids indoors for hours a day with nothing to do. Playdates no longer happen riding bikes in a pack around town. Now they happen online through social media and gaming platforms. Although somewhat entertaining and satisfying, long hours online canleave kids fatigued and depleted. They get some contact with friends, but not the kind that feeds the soul. Dr. Bennett and other researchers believe screen time is a big contributor to rising child and adolescent mental health disorder rates.
Production is cheap.
Starting a YouTube channel can be as simple as having a phone camera, webcam, GoPro, or professional camera. What makes YouTube so appealing is not the equipment needed to make a video, but the voice and techniques used to build an audience and draw them in. A set, expensive cameras, actors, or directors are not needed for a quality YouTube video.
One example is YouTuber celebrity, Trisha Paytas, who started her channel in 2007 as a daily vlogger(video blogging) with a camera in hand and room as her set. Since then, she has created two successful YouTube channels that have millions of subscribers and billions of views.
She discusses overly candid, explicit topics like sex toy reviews, when she dated a serial killer, and the time she had sex with a whole football team at once. She also films Mukbang videos (eating large amounts of food while interacting in front of the camera), discusses her multiple plastic surgeries, and makes music videos. She’s so funny and charming, you just can’t look away. Her net worth is between $3-$4 million.
Discussion topics are edgy, controversial, sensational, and juicy.
Dr. Bennett shared during our last intern meeting that her son and kids in her practice are currently obsessed with Shane Dawson’s documentary-type analysis of Jake Paul. Providing evidence for the hypothesis that Jake Paul has sociopathy, this series provokes controversy, raises ethical questions (is it bullying?), and heightens competition. Dr. Bennett’s analysis of the situation provides interesting content to launch conversations about social dynamics, business concepts, and online morality. For instance, he was very concerned if Shane Dawson is qualified to publicly diagnose another celebrity with mental illness. Is that bullying with questionable credibility? Or is it a savvy YouTube celebrity feud staged to pit each celebrity’s fan base against each other and drive more traffic to their sites? Dr. Bennett’s comments have me wondering, are other parents using these learning opportunities like she is? Or do most kids keep their viewing ideas private from family members?
Wondering how to protect your kids from Paytas-like YouTube content? Buy our online GKIS Connected Family Course and start ten easy pro-steps for screen sanity and fun cooperation.
Thank you to CSUCI Intern, Sasha Mejia for her awesome research and for writing this article.
I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetKidsInternetSafe.
