Socialization is a critical aspect to good health for kids and adults.[1][2] That’s why constant connection through social media, chatrooms, texting, and online gaming has become irresistible to us. For help managing in the online world and avoiding costly digital injuries, check out Dr. Bennett’s positive parenting and family coaching videos in our Screen Safety Essentials Course. We all need each other online and off. Afterall, the early people of our species were hunters and gatherers. Having a tribe was critical for our survival. In modern times, with many families living away from extended families and our lives as busy as ever, it’s often hard for adults to make friends. Today’s GKIS article covers the costly results of loneliness and offers suggestions for how to break out of our loneliness and enter the realm of meaningful connectedness.
The Prevalence of Loneliness
Higher rates of loneliness are found among young adults, seniors, those who are visually impaired, victims of abuse, and the unemployed.[3] Due to its prevalence, numerous outlets including Time, Forbes, US News, Cigna Insurance, and the Health Resources & Services Administration have referred to loneliness as an epidemic in the last decade.
Feelings of loneliness can result from a lack of friendships, intimacy, or emotional connection.[4] The long-term impacts of loneliness include poor sleep, depression, suicidal ideation, increases in cortisol (a stress hormone), compromised immune responses, and inflammation. Chronic loneliness has also been linked to the progression of Alzheimer’s, cardiovascular disease, and other chronic diseases. Further, loneliness is associated with poor lifestyle habits which include sedentariness and smoking.[5]
To avoid unfortunate outcomes, we must carve out the time to hang out with friends and family. For kids and teens, school is an easy resource to draw from. But for adults, social resources can be hard to find. To help you reach out and find more connection and community in your life, we’ve uncovered some novel ideas and resources!
Finding Community in Person
Volunteer
Volunteering is a fantastic way to meet friends, give back, and cultivate a sense of belonging. Research has found that volunteering is particularly helpful for those who have recently lost a loved one. In a study by Dawn Carr and colleagues observing over 5,000 recently widowed spouses, subjects who volunteered two or more hours per week had lower rates of loneliness than those who did not volunteer at all.[6]
Volunteering also has benefits for the whole family. The University of Nebraska-Lincoln Extension notes that youth volunteerism can help with the development of identity, empathy, skill-building, self-esteem, and relationships with like-minded people.[7] A study by Sandi Nenga from Southwestern University notes similar improvements in youth volunteerism. But Nenga also emphasizes that volunteering can connect multiple, diverse communities, creating better outcomes in future civic roles for youth volunteers.[8]
Join a gym
Many gyms offer classes like Zumba, pilates, yoga, kickboxing, and barre. Attending exercise classes provides opportunities to talk with others and explore your workout journeys together!
Exercise is associated with decreases in stress hormones including cortisol and adrenaline, and promotes the production of mood-enhancing endorphins.[9] For those who have social anxiety, these feel-good-feelings can help you gain confidence in seeking and maintaining new relationships.
Join a club or team
Clubs and teams offer great opportunities to make new friends and work together. Bulletins for clubs and teams may be found at your local college campus or community recreation center. A study by Scott Graupensperger and colleagues notes that being on a club sports team results in greater prosocial behaviors. Additionally, being on a team creates a strong sense of community and bonds, thus enhancing identification with others. A greater sense of identification can improve one’s mental health, social life, and well-being.[10]
Find Community Online
Online resources have made meeting like-minded people easier than ever. Today’s platforms allow us to connect with a host of individuals and groups that offer various forms of entertainment whether it is sushi classes, book clubs, or family potlucks! Of course, proper cautions are necessary when meeting people online. To help tweens and teens prepare for the potential hazards that await them on social media, we recommend they take our Social Media Readiness Course. This online course not only offers the information they need to stay safe, Dr. Bennett also shares critical wellness strategies she’s developed in over 25 years of clinical practice! Here are 4 GKIS recommended online platforms to help you connect with others
Meetup
Meetup.com is a great website to start your search for like-minded people. The groups available are diverse and range from substance abuse support groups to groups for beginner hikers! Some groups are also geared towards entire families and may host events to bring families together. You can also create your own group, however, a monthly charge to Meetup is needed to keep your group active.
Hey! VINA
Hey! VINA is a free new app with a design similar to the dating app Tinder. Hey! Vina is geared toward women and nonbinary people looking to make friends with other women and nonbinary people. The VIP membership gives users special access to certain features including faster matches, seeing who swiped right on (liked) your profile, and more.
The Dinner Party
The Dinner Party is an organization founded in 2018. The purpose of this organization is to bring grieving individuals who are between the ages 20 to 39 together. The intent is to connect and provide support for each other over dinner. They also expanded to create dinner parties for a wider audience of individuals who may be dealing with a different type of issue and would like a companion to talk to. To accommodate the recent COVID-19 guidelines, individuals are currently hosting Zoom dinner parties as a safer way to get together.
Eventbrite
Eventbrite is a popular platform used to get tickets for live events ranging from stadium concerts to yoga meetups at the park. While the service is free, the organizer of the event may require a small fee to attend while others offer their events for free.
Thanks to CSUCI intern, Avery Flower for researching ways to battle loneliness, and for co-authoring this article.
I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetKidsInternetSafe.
[1] Williams, C. Y. K., Townson, A. T., Kapur, M., Ferreira, A. F., Nunn, R., Galante, J., Phillips, V., Gentry, S., & Usher-Smith, J. A. (2021). Interventions to reduce social isolation and loneliness during COVID-19 physical distancing measures: A rapid systematic review. PLoS ONE, 16(2). https://doi-org.ezproxy.csuci.edu/10.1371/journal.pone.0247139
[2] Lun, V. M.-C., & Bond, M. H. (2016). Achieving subjective well-being around the world: The moderating influence of gender, age and national goals for socializing children. Journal of Happiness Studies: An Interdisciplinary Forum on Subjective Well-Being, 17(2), 587–608. https://doi-org.ezproxy.csuci.edu/10.1007/s10902-015-9614-z
[3]Brunes, A., Hansen, M. B., & Heir, T. (2019). Loneliness among adults with visual impairment: Prevalence, associated factors, and relationship to life satisfaction. Health and Quality of Life Outcomes, 17. https://doi-org.ezproxy.csuci.edu/10.1186/s12955-019-1096-y
[4] Tiwari, S. (2013). Loneliness: A disease? Indian Journal of Psychiatry,55(4), 320. doi:10.4103/0019-5545.120536
[5] Beutel, M. E., Klein, E. M., Brähler, E., Reiner, I., Jünger, C., Michal, M., Wiltink, J., Wild, P. S., Münzel, T., Lackner, K. J., & Tibubos, A. N. (2017). Loneliness in the general population: Prevalence, determinants and relations to mental health. BMC Psychiatry, 17.
[6]Carr, D. C., Kail, B. L., Matz-Costa, C., & Shavit, Y. Z. (2018). Does becoming a volunteer attenuate loneliness among recently widowed older adults? The Journals of Gerontology: Series B: Psychological Sciences and Social Sciences, 73(3), 501–510. https://doi-org.ezproxy.csuci.edu/10.1093/geronb/gbx092
[10]Graupensperger, S., Panza, M., & Evans, M. B. (2020). Network centrality, group density, and strength of social identification in college club sport teams. Group Dynamics: Theory, Research, and Practice, 24(2), 59–73. https://doi-org.ezproxy.csuci.edu/10.1037/gdn0000106
“I can’t breathe, and my chest is killing me. My heart is racing. Am I having a heart attack? I am sweating, trembling, and dizzy. I think I’m going to vomit. My thoughts are racing. Have I gone crazy? What is wrong with me?” If this sounds familiar, you are probably one of three adults in the U.S. who has had an anxiety attack. Screens can have a significant effect on our levels of anxiety, but how?
What is anxiety?
In my 25+ years of clinical practice, I have treated many kids, teens, and adults with anxiety disorders. Since the advent of mobile screen technology, we have seen prevalence numbers increase dramatically. Twenty-five percent of 13- to 18-year-olds have mild to moderate anxiety with the median age of onset at 11 years old.[1]
There are five major types of anxiety disorder.
Generalized Anxiety Disorder(GAD) is characterized by chronic worry about things that don’t warrant that level of concern.
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is characterized by recurrent, intrusive thoughts and repetitive ritualistic behaviors, like counting, tapping, washing, or checking.
Panic Disorder (PD) is a chronic dread of having a panic attack, which feels like intense fear and trouble breathing, heart racing, and dizziness.
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder(PTSD) is typically triggered by a terrifying ordeal.
Social Phobia (SP) causes people to withdraw due to extreme self-consciousness or embarrassment around others and a fear of being scrutinized or judged.
How Screens Can Trigger Clinical Anxiety Symptoms
Generalized Anxiety Disorder
Screens can be distracting and lead to wasted time and poor work performance. Not only do kids worry about those missed assignments, but too many hours of online learning can put them in a state of irritable exhaustion. In Dr. Bennett’s book, Screen Time in the Mean Time, she details how multitasking, which refers to interrupting one task to attend to another (like social media notifications during homework), burns brain fuel at a rapid rate – leading to mental brownout.[2] Mental brownout can lead one to feel hopeless and helpless, which can lead to chronic worry about … just about everything.
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder
Keeping up with the Jones’s (or Kardashian’s) on social media can lead to obsessive scrolling and compulsive checking. We’ve all seen the notorious #GymSelfie or #FoodPorn that pops up on our news feed. Then there’s the #OutfitOfTheDay, #MCM (man crush Monday), #WCW (woman crush Wednesday), or your #TBT (throwback Thursday). Keeping up can feel overwhelming.
As Dr. B says in her article “Teaching Kids the Brain Traps of Video Games May Break the Spell,” “likes” are designed to tap into our evolutionarily-reinforced need to please our tribe – also called social capital. She elaborates, “When that notification pops up on our smartphone that somebody liked our post, we get a slight euphoria.”
Getting the likes makes us want more (compulsive use patterns), and not getting the likes can send us into compare and despair. Big tech is aware of this and plays on our psychology to keep our eyes on the screen. Our attention has been commodified (meaning that data about our online behaviors is for sale because it has value to marketers). The more we stay on screen, the more we fall victim to ads and the compulsion to buy.
Panic Disorder
Panic attacks happen when the autonomic nervous system, our survival center, gets triggered too easily. Poor self-care (like not sleeping, eating well, exercising, or socializing) can make us vulnerable having panic attacks. Dr. B says video games are also programmed to jack up your autonomic nervous system, which can lead to panic attacks.
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
In our GKIS article, “Live Streaming Can Cause PTSD in Adults and Children,” we detailed how watching live-streamed videos on social media and Youtube can lead to debilitating trauma symptoms. It’s critical to consider that screen content matters as much as, if not more than, screen time.
Social Phobia
It doesn’t take much imagination to consider that social media can lead to fear of excessive social scrutiny. Dr. B writes about the normal adolescent defense called the imaginary audience. She writes, “Teens can become extremely focused on their looks and very self-conscious, convinced that EVERYBODY is looking at them. As a result, they pay meticulous attention to clothing, makeup, hairstyle, body shape, and mannerisms. It’s as if they are carefully cultivating their brand to fit in and stand out among admired peers. Although imaginary audience has been observed among adolescents throughout history, social media may exacerbate anxiety. I believe compulsive urges to take perfect selfies are a healthy expression of the imaginary audience rather than the pathology of narcissism.”
It didn’t happen if you didn’t post it.
There is a popular saying that if you didn’t post about it, it didn’t really happen. Many teens are more invested in their virtual lives than they are in their non-virtual lives. This makes sense considering they spend more waking time on screen than they do off-screen!
Teen life often happens in a snapshot and not much else. Our kids are spending time at events, the beach, and vacation looking for that split moment to capture a picture guaranteeing them likes from their followers. Conversations are “Uh-huh” and “Mm, sure” without eye contact. Screen time is the master, and we’ve grown to accept that that is “just what teens do these days.”
Social media can become a shrine of a person’s life, and if it is subpar, that person’s life seems subpar. Sound extreme? It is, and it is real. The pressure to be perceived in a certain way can consume our minds and impact self-esteem. A Canadian study found that the more time spent on screens, the higher the risk of developing anxiety in children.[3] Screen addiction is proving to be a real concern rather than a minor annoyance.
Driven to Distraction
Anxiety has the potential to impact not only the quality of time spent with family and friends but may also sever the most important relationship of all, the one with ourselves. Self-worth goes down, anxiety shifts to depression, and all because we judge others and ourselves through the safety of a screen, hidden in anonymity, and supported by strangers.
It can happen to anybody.
A child therapist friend of mine shared with me that she recently deleted all social media apps off her phone. She said she felt social media was consuming her and ultimately the cause of a lot of anxieties. Between clients, she browsed Facebook and Instagram instead of doing her mandatory briefings. Her briefings would get stacked up for weeks. Ultimately, this would contribute to her unease. This is a professional in mental health, one whom we would like to think could find a good balance. Now imagine your teenager…
What can we do about it?
Identify the triggers and recognize that you may be powerless against them without cutting down on screen time.
Set reasonable parameters.
Use time management and blocking apps.
Learn cognitive behavioral coping skills like breathing, mindfulness, cognitive restructuring, and meditation
Make your nonvirtual life more enriching
Thank you to Chad Flores for helping us recognize how screens may contribute to anxiety.
[3] Maras, D., Flament, M. F., Murray, M., Buchholz, A., Henderson, K. A., Obeid, N., & Goldfield, G. S. (2015). Screen time is associated with depression and anxiety in Canadian youth. Preventive Medicine: An International Journal Devoted To Practice And Theory, 73133-138. doi:10.1016/j.ypmed.2015.01.029
Thanks to CSUCI intern, Avery Flower for researching ways to battle loneliness, and for co-authoring this article.
