So many of us follow our favorite celebrities on social media hoping to get small glimpses of their private lives. But have you ever wondered, where’s the line between fandom and obsession? Tweens and teens are especially vulnerable to developing parasocial relationships with celebrities they love online. Because of their fame, celebs can influence followers in some of the worst ways. To prevent your child from being negatively influenced by others online and to create a strong digital foundation, check out our Screen Safety Essentials Course. Today’s GKIS article covers what online parasocial relationships are and how to prevent their negative influence on kids and teens.
What is a ‘Parasocial’ Relationship?
A parasocial relationship is a one-way relationship with a person of higher status who you know intimately but who hardly knows you at all.[1] Social media is the perfect vehicle to develop parasocial relationships. Younger tweens and teens are especially susceptible due to a powerful social drive fed by adolescent identity formation. Not only are teens looking for mentorship, but they also easily form an attachment to idealized versions of their favorite celebs.[2]
Social media features that readily fuel parasocial relationships include the attraction of stylized and beautifully edited posts, branding relationships between celebrities, produced dramas between celebrities designed to bring in more followers, fan comments and forums, and even the ability to send private messages. Studies show that adolescents that have a weaker sense of self-identity often participate in celebrity worship as they are more easily influenced by others.[2]
‘Stan Culture’
Fans aim to achieve closer relations with their favorite celebs through various consumption activities.[1] Twitter is the social media site with the largest number of users who participate in celebrity worship, which is also known as a stan. A Stan is an overzealous or obsessive fan of a particular celebrity. Primarily a term used to define a fan of a particular musical artist, there are Stans for just about any popular current artist you can think of. Stan culture on Twitter consists of individuals sharing fanmade videos and pictures and consuming as much of the artist’s content as possible.
There is also a dark side to Twitter’s Stan culture. Arguments between Stans of different celebrities frequently appear in comment sections, which eventually turn into cases of cyberbullying. Studies have found that intense celebrity worship can be linked to tendencies toward addiction and stalking behaviors.[3] What seems like innocent fan engagement could potentially lead to something more negative and even illegal.
Defending Harmful Messages
Well-known celebs have the freedom to post whatever they want on the Internet, just like the rest of us. Although they aren’t obligated to maintain a certain image, sometimes they promote harmful ideologies that influence fans who’ve developed parasocial relationships with them.
The most recent example is rapper Kanye West, who has been at the forefront of recent celeb controversy. In October 2022, Kanye made some anti-Semitic remarks based on conspiracy theories and harmful stereotypes in interviews and Instagram posts. This resulted in groups of people in Los Angeles standing with signs over freeways saying harmful anti-Semitic things shortly after the comments circulated on the Internet. One of the signs said that Kanye was “right” about what he said about Jewish individuals. Amongst the backlash that he received, there were die-hard fans that stood their ground and continued to defend his actions. This led some fans to adopt his conspiracy theories and ideals at worst and turn a blind eye to such ignorance at best.
Impressionable Teens and Tweens
Other celebrities have also promoted problematic ideas with the support of fans who adore them. This is a problem primarily for young tweens and teens due to their lack of real-world experiences and their evolving views of the world around them. Being negatively influenced by celebrities online can have serious risks.
How to Discourage Parasocial Relationships
There is a difference between being a fan of someone’s work and developing an obsessive parasocial relationship with them online. Having conversations with your kids about the importance of navigating the Internet safely is a good place to start. Our Connected Family Course can help with that. It includes the tools necessary to monitor and promote healthy screen engagement while still maintaining a positive environment at home.
Young teens and tweens who are still learning about the world could be exposed to ignorant comments from their favorite celebrities and could potentially become influenced by them. In the worst case, teens become radicalized in their thinking without their parents even knowing. To prevent your tweens and teens from engaging in ignorant and harmful content online, check out our Social Media Readiness Course. Our course provides you and your child with the knowledge necessary to safely browse the Internet and avoid ignorant and harmful content, as well as how to make healthy digital decisions.
Learning the ways of the Internet doesn’t have to be a daunting task. Dr. Bennett’s book Screen Time in the Mean Timeis another great tool for parents to use to become more knowledgeable about the unpredictable online realm. This book can further prepare you for establishing a safe environment for your tweens and teens to express their love for their favorite celebrities/artists online.
Thanks to CSUCI intern Tracy Pizano for researching the risks of forming parasocial relationships and for co-authoring this article.
I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetKidsInternetSafe.
[1] Derbaix, M., & Korchia, M. (2019). Individual celebration of pop music icons: A study of music fans’ relationships with their object of fandom and associated practices. Journal of Consumer Behaviour, 18(2), 109–119. https://doi-org.ezproxy.csuci.edu/10.1002/cb.1751
[2] Ang, C.-S., & Chan, N.-N. (2018). Adolescents’ views on celebrity worship: A qualitative study. Current Psychology: A Journal for Diverse Perspectives on Diverse Psychological Issues, 37(1), 139–148. https://doi-org.ezproxy.csuci.edu/10.1007/s12144-016-9497-0
[3] Sansone, R. A., & Sansone, L. A. (2014). ‘I’m your number one fan’—A clinical look at celebrity worship. Innovations in Clinical Neuroscience, 11(1–2), 39–43.
Research reveals that social and emotional learning (SEL) improves grade school students’ engagement with the academic curriculum. With online learning, it is still unclear how students have been negatively impacted, but lack of teacher-student relationships and low motivations appear to be strong contributors. Furthermore, there has been speculation that the fear and isolation caused by the COVID-19 pandemic increased mental illness among children. Dr. Tracy Bennett, Founder of GetKidsInternetSafe, said she has never seen the quantity of clients looking for outpatient psychotherapy or such high severity levels among adults and kids in her 25-year career as a clinical psychologist. She added that, in response to the child; and family distress, teachers have been heroic in their creation, adoption, and application of SEL curricula. In service of the positives of screen use, today’s GKIS article recommends SEL apps that can be used at home as well as in the classroom.
The Benefits of Social and Emotional Learning
Improves Behavior and Academic Performance
SEL programs tend to target:
Self-awareness in recognizing emotions, strengths, and limitations
Self-management by controlling emotions and behaviors
Social awareness in gaining insight into others and building empathy towards diverse backgrounds
Relationship skills in forming and maintaining healthy relationships
Decision making in acting upon productive choices[1][3]
Students use SEL skills to protect against substance use, bullying, and school failures among other benefits. The ability of teachers and parents to form a safe care environment with SEL results in less emotional distress, fewer conduct problems, and improves test scores and grades among children.[1]
Do SEL programs work?
A long-term study by Taylor and colleagues (2017) collected 18 years’ worth of data from 46 studies to examine if SEL programs make a difference. The SEL programs had students apply learned skills to personal development, social relationships, ethical behaviors, and productive work at school. This increased subject physical and mental well-being into adulthood demonstrating a positive trend in future social relationships, graduate rates and attendance, and low numbers of arrests.[3]
A study by Jones and colleagues (2015) found similar conclusions. They measured kindergartens’ future wellness in education, employment, crime, substance abuse, and mental health. Their data showed:
High self-control at an early age
High task completion rate
Improves multi-skill management
Improves organizational skills
Improve noncognitive skills (e.g., motivation, integrity, and interpersonal interaction)[2]
Taylor et al. also found that a “one size fits all” SEL program is not as effective as one designed specifically for a selected student population and a selected outcome. For example, according to their study students with ethnic minority backgrounds developed better emotional coping skills with SEL. In contrast, poor-income students developed better school attachment and achievement. Other benefits for SEL included decreased substance use, risk-taking, and problem behaviors while improving positive relationships using social support and growth opportunities amongst minorities.[3]
Friendly and Productive Tools for Long Term Success
Achieve screen sanity and SEL skills with our own Screen Safety Essentials Course. To help your family form cooperative dialogue and teach critical problem-solving skills about your child’s online and offline life, we offer weekly coaching videos from our very own Parenting and Screen Safety Expert, Dr. Tracy Bennett. Designed for families with kids ages 8 to 16, our GKIS Screen Safety Essentials Course does the work for you. No more wondering what to say, which issues to cover, and how to stay relevant and consistent about screen safety and family connection.
Some of the resources the Screen Safety Essentials Course offers include:
✅ Weekly parents-only videos with the information and tools you need to earn the credibility to be their go-to expert
✅ Weekly family videos with insider and science-based teaching topics and fun family activities.
✅ Workbook pages and colorful infographic downloads
✅ Access to Dr. Bennett’s BEST webinars
✅ Psychological wellness and balance skills to avoid costly digital injuries
✅ Exclusive access to Dr. B and motivated parents like yourself on our private Facebook community page
✅ Options for private coaching with Dr. Bennett for extra support
✅ BONUS: Selected readings from our GKIS Blog articles and Dr. B’s book SCREEN TIME IN THE MEAN TIME
Safety, connection, less conflict, and so much more! Your first 30 days are totally free. Available through our GetKidsInternetSafe website.
Middle School Confidential
GKIS also recommends the Middle School Confidential app. Middle School Confidential offers a three-piece comic book series for ages 8-14 by Annie Fox and Matt Kindt. It covers lessons about character, problem-solving, friendships, and school situations. Quizzes, tips, real quotes from teens, and real-world resources support problem-solving and open dialogue skills between parents and children.[5] Specific tools like assertiveness and positive self-talk help users recognize and name emotions and build empathy.
The Positive Penguin application offers 5-minute meditation practices for child resilience. Developers incorporated funny sounds and game modes to set a friendly environment. According to their website, Positive Penguin is “the app designed to help children understand why they feel a certain feeling and behave in a productive way.” The app helps children transform negative thoughts and emotions into a more optimistic perspective.[6] Positive Penguin helps kids improve SEL communication and problem-solving skills.
Smiling Mind helps children seek mindfulness as a daily practice. Developed by psychologists and educators, this app encourages children ages 3 to 18 to reduce stress, tension, pressure, and challenges with a 10-minute meditation.[7] With daily check-ins, a meditation habit assists kids to form positive affirmations by thinking before they act.
Availability:
Apple App Store
Google Play Store.
Accomplishments
#22 in rank for Health & Fitness (as of 15 Feb 2021)
5 million users leading Meditation app for Australia
To improve communication and empathy skills in your family, grab your SEL app of choice today! Thanks to CSUCI intern, Christian Sandoval for his contributions to today’s GKIS article.
I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetKidsInternetSafe.
Onward to More Awesome Parenting,
Tracy S. Bennett, Ph. D.
Mom, Clinical Psychologist, CSUCI Adjunct Faculty
GetKidsInternetSafe
[1] Durlak, J. A., Weissberg, R. P., Dymnicki, A. B., Taylor, R. D., & Schellinger, K. B. (2011). The impact of enhancing students’ social and emotional learning: A meta‐analysis of school‐based universal interventions. Child Development, 82(1), 405–432. https://doi-org.ezproxy.csuci.edu/10.1111/j.1467-8624.2010.01564.x
[2] Damon E. Jones, Mark Greenberg, and Max Crowley, 2015:
[3] Taylor, R. D., Oberle, E., Durlak, J. A., & Weissberg, R. P. (2017). Promoting positive youth development through school‐based social and emotional learning interventions: A meta‐analysis of follow‐up effects. Child Development, 88(4), 1156–1171. https://doi-org.ezproxy.csuci.edu/10.1111/cdev.12864
[4] Sawyer, M. G., Arney, F. M., Baghurst, P. A., Clark, J. J., Graetz, B. W., Kosky, R. J., et al. (2001). The mental health of young people in Australia: Key findings from the child and adolescent component of the national survey of mental health and well-being. Australian and New Zealand Journal of Psychiatry, 35, 806-814.
Not everything you read online is real, nor is everyone you meet. You have been catfished when you meet someone online who created a fake profile to deceive you. Catfishing varies in severity, from posting younger pictures of oneself to stealing another’s identity. Most commonly experienced in dating websites or social media, catfishing provokes more skepticism and fear when it comes to meeting people online.
It started on Tinder…
Being a victim of catfishing can happen to anyone. With more teens joining social media, they are exposed to not only same-age peers but also adults with bad intentions.
For example, my friend Sam had been online dating since her sophomore year of high school. She recently met a guy on Tinder and fell head over heels for him. Soon after meeting each other online, they texted every day. At first, she suggested they FaceTime, but he always came up with some excuse to text only. Sam didn’t think much of it and continued to text with him. When she suggested they meet in person, he ghosted her and then messaged her randomly, ignoring her suggestion. She ignored the red flags.
While talking to a friend about her concerns, her friend shared that she was having a similar experience with her online boyfriend. When they compared notes and photos, they realized it was the same guy using different names and accounts. Since then, Sam has had difficulty trusting anybody online.
Adults and kids can be victims.
The popular MTV show “Catfish: The TV Show,” gives the audience a deeper look into the world of catfishing. During each episode, the host helps a victim uncover the truth behind a catfishing incident. Each episode illustrates the complex reasons people create deceptive online identities to make up for deficits in their non-virtual lives, such as:
insecurity about their looks, so they steal someone else’s identity who is better looking – like wearing a virtual mask.
pretending to be a different gender, perhaps experimenting before coming out of the closet.
cyberstalking or seeking revenge.
It’s not just adults that are deceived by catfishing. In the Lifetime TV show, “I Catfished My Kid,” parents try to teach their teens a lesson about the dangers of talking to strangers online. In the pilot, two Ventura County teens were duped by an adult producer into thinking they were interacting with a peer. When he asked each victim to meet him in the park to watch his band practice, one of the teens complied. On the show, we see her walk to the park and then be confronted by her parents and the host of the show.
Dr. Bennett received production credit on this pilot and helped with the emotional support on set. She describes feeling uncomfortable with the plot of deceiving a teen. However, to the benefit of millions of viewers, the show is an opportunity to teach kids how easy it is to be catfished.
Why do we fall for it?
Dr. Bennett believes that texting and online dating are some of the worst things to ever happen to singles. Although they offer immediate access to possible friends and dates, she says it also exposes our psychological vulnerabilities to exploitive others.
For instance, Dr. B describes a phenomenon she’s seen in practice where the screen between us and our new partner allows us to confabulate a false truth, that our new dating partner is better than they actually are. Confabulation is the act of unconsciously creating imaginary facts to fill in for a loss of memory.
In other words, with their dream dating profile in mind, online daters sometimes start by identifying a partner that loosely fits their criteria. Because they are so hopeful, they unconsciously convince themselves that their date is their dream partner. A simple “I look forward to meeting you” text becomes a sign of affection, romance, and fidelity. They create a dream person in their heads before the date has even revealed their true selves.
Dr. Bennett also believes that online dating can trigger our hunting and gathering instincts. Too often, she sees people “keep an eye out” for a better partner, even when they are committed to their current one. By always looking for the next best thing, singles sabotage the relationship they’re in. The thrill of the chase and the novelty of a new person can overshadow real partnership.
She also notes that healthy daters find partners and quickly move off dating sites, whereas predators stay. Dr. B theorizes that is the reason there are more creeps on dating sites than in the general population. Online dating can help you find love, but it can also open one up to exploitation, financial coercion, or online dating fraud. Although some dating sites verify users through other social media profiles and have safety tips, daters must beware.
If you visit websites, play video games, or are on social media, it may be helpful to you to know the red flags that. you may be being catfished.
Red flags that you are being catfished if the person:
is too good to be true
demands too much contact or acts possessive
is overly elaborative
attempts to pull you in with dramatic stories of victimhood or emotional distress
makes too many promises
is only available to talk during certain days and times
-gets too affectionate too fast
Thank you to GKIS intern, Nubia Bandek, for telling us all about catfishing. The hookup culture, which makes teens vulnerable to catfishing, is more prominent among teens than parents realize. Check out the GKIS article, Is Your Teen Hooking Up? for tips on how to have important conversations with your tweens and teens.
I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetKidsInternetSafe.
[1.] Couch, D., Liamputtong, P., & Pitts, M. (2012). What are the real and perceived risks and dangers of online dating? Perspectives from online daters. Health, Risk & Society,14(7–8), 697–714.https://doi-org.summit.csuci.edu/10.1080/13698575.2012.720964
[2.] Menkin, J. A., Robles, T. F., Wiley, J. F., & Gonzaga, G. C. (2015). Online dating across the life span: Users’relationship goals. Psychology and Aging, 30(4), 987–993. https://doi-org.summit.csuci.edu/10.1037/a0039722.supp (Supplemental)
We attach to those we spend the most time with. It only makes sense that the more time spent online, the more we develop our virtual selves and prefer online relationships. For some heavy screen users, attachment to online characters are taking precedence over in-real-life and virtual people. Exclusively virtual connections are most commonly in Asia, but they are starting to be seen in America as well. Find out if you know anybody who’s a stranded single, suffers from celibacy syndrome, or practices objectophilia!
Stranded Singles
Stranded Singles is a term coined by Professor Masahiro Yamada, a sociologist at Chuo University in Tokyo. It refers to the larger number of young Japanese adults who live at home with their parents and have diminished interest in engaging in real life romantic or sexual relationships.[3] Studies have shown that an increasing number of Japanese women, 16-24 years old, are “not interested in or despise sexual contact.”[4]
Trends in Japan May Be Just the Beginning
A 2015 study of 18 to 34 year old’s in Japan found:
~70% of unmarried men and 60% of unmarried women are single.
~44.2% of women and 42% of men admitted their virgin status.
30% of the men and 26% of the women were not looking for a relationship.[2]
75% of single women and 70% of single men had no sexual experience by the time they were 20 years old.[3]
Celibacy Syndrome
Celibacy Syndrome means “a departure from human affection.”[4] High rates of celibacy syndrome has been posited to be a main contributor for decreasing marriage rates in Japan. Changing gender roles, like Japanese women becoming more confident in their independence and success, may also be a contributor.
Pot Noodle Love
Pot Noodle Love refers to the increasingly common instant sexual gratification from casual sex, virtual relationships, anime, and online pornography.[4] Shocking statistics have recently revealed that, between the ages of 20 and 29, 30% of single females and 15% of single males have fallen in love with a character in a game or meme.[3]
Terms to Get Familiar With:
“Moe”- Refers to individuals who fall in love with fictional computer characters. This type of relationship allows the user to control the emotions and traits of their virtual partner. Content creators make these virtual characters to be appealing to both males and females.[3]
“Herbivores”- Refers to a male that does not find sex or relationships important.[4]
Objectophilia
Otherwise known as object sexuality, objectophilarefers to people who feel romantic, emotional, or sexual feelings toward an inanimate object(s).[5]
Real Life Examples:
Married to video game character – A 27-year-old man in Tokyo named Sal 9000 married Nene Anegasaki, a video game character from the Nintendo DS game Love Plus. Sal prefers his virtual girlfriend to real-life relationships, admitting that he is attracted, in part, because she doesn’t get mad at him for not replying immediately.[5]
Two Loves – In 2004, Erika Eiffel fell in love with her “soul mate,”the Eiffel Tower. She insists their marriage is as real as any real-life relationship.[6]
Two object relationships over a lifetime – At 12 years old, Joachim fell in love with his organ. Their relationship was described as “an emotionally and physically very complex and deep relationship.” The relationship lasted years, satisfying his need for an emotional connection. Currently, Joachim is in a long-term relationship with a steam locomotive.[6]
Married to a Hologram – For years, Akihiko Kondo felt ignored and shunned by women in real life.His luck changedwhen he fell in love with Hatsune Miku, a world-famous artist and hologram plays packed stadiums in Japan.[7]
Why Would Anyone Be an Objectophile?
Social Isolation –caused by living in a remote location, constant screen use, or impoverished motivation or social skills may lead a young adult.[1]
Control & Self Protection–when a relationship is one-sided, being socially inept doesn’t matter. Loving an object that cannot actively engage with you is one way to remain in control and avoid conflict altogether.[1]
Animism –a belief that objects and buildings have a sentient or spiritual existence.[1]
Digisexuals
Digisexuality is defined as a fundamental sexual identity that comes through using screen technology. It consists of two waves of “sexual technology:”[8]
“First Wave”- fully in affect.
Digital pornography
Live camera pornography
Live sex chats
“Direct communication technologies” are not designed with the intention of being used for sexual interaction but are commonly used for that purpose.[8]
Skype or Snapchat
“Second Wave”- evolving with technology.
Sex robots
Virtual reality sex[8]
Robots!
Many of us have seen TV shows and movies with extremely human-like robots. For instance, in the movie Her(2014) the main character falls in love with his digital assistant. Studies have found:
27% of 18 to 24-year- olds would consider dating a robot.[3][4]
Among the British population, men were three times more likely to form a relationship with a robot than a human woman.[3]
40% of 18 to 34-year-olds are worried that robots will eventually take their jobs.[3]
59% of all online traffic is generated by bots, including dating sites and social media sites.[6]
Experts have estimated that in approximately a decade, realistic sex robots will be common all over the world.[5] There are realistic sex robots on the market already. News reports show footage of men dressing their female robot and taking her to dinner. Due to artificial intelligence, the robots can respond to questions, carry conversations, and remember the responses the pleased you the most. Their pupils will even dilate and their skin warms and lubricates! The argument isn’t that robots are replacing humans, but rather people are preferring robots to humans.
Thanks to Sara Doyle, GKIS intern, for teaching us the new terminology for new types of love. Wondering how to protect your child from becoming an objectiphile?
[1] Hindustan Times. “Decoding Objectophilia: 5 reasons why people fall in love with objects.” Abhinav Verma, 2017.
[2] The Japan Times. “In sexless Japan, almost half of single young men and women are virgins: survey.” Mizuho Aoki, 2016.
[3] The Guardian. “For Japan’s ‘stranded singles’, virtual love beats the real thing.” Tracy McVeigh, 2016.
[4] The Observer Japan. “Why have young people in Japan stopped having sex?”
Abigail Haworth, 2013.
[5] “10 People Who Fell in Love with Inanimate Objects.” Sean D., 2014.
[6] Psychology Today. “Intimate and Inanimate.” Mark D. Griffiths Ph.D., 2013.
[7] The New York Times. “Do You Take This Robot …” Alex Williams, 2019.
[8] Sexual & Relationship Therapy. “The rise of digisexuality: therapeutic challenges and possibilities.” McArthur, Neil, Twist, Markie L. C., 2017.
[9] Sandford: SPICE. “Japanese Education.” Lucien Ellington, 2005.
