wellness

Is Your Child Following True Crime?

March 31, 2021 by GetKidsInternetSafe

Have you ever witnessed the scene of a car accident and wondered why it was hard to look away? More often than not, you are left with more questions than answers. How did this happen? What events led up to that moment? Somehow learning the facts makes us feel more in control and less vulnerable. In the same way that a car accident catches our attention, true crime stories have become extremely popular. Murder mysteries are increasingly making their way to everyday platforms like YouTube, TikTok, and Apple Podcasts as well as streaming services like Netflix and Amazon Prime. With the push of a button, teens and tweens have unlimited access to gruesome content like crime scene photos, autopsy reports, and case reenactments. Today’s article covers the genre of true crime, the effects of constant exposure, and GKIS tips to keep your family safe from digital injury.

What is true crime?

True crime is a nonfiction genre that covers real-life events of crime and other acts of deviance. Depending on the medium, the delivery of the story can vary. Cable reserves several channels (Investigation Discovery, Oxygen) for true crime stories told through reenactments and interviews with the victim’s family.

Platforms like YouTube and TikTok typically have the user telling the story, sometimes supported with real crime scene photos or dispatch calls. Netflix has released documentaries like Night Stalker: The Hunt for a Serial Killer which recounts the horrifying murders committed by Richard Ramirez, a serial killer who lived in Los Angeles and San Francisco in 1985.[1]

While watching these types of true crime series, one episode may turn into two and before you know it, you can fall down a rabbit hole researching related information. While true crime stories may pique your child’s interest, it is important to note that the details embedded in these true crime cases are not age-appropriate for kids, tweens, or even teens.

It can be hard to pinpoint where to start with internet safety, which is why GetKidsInternetSafe has done the research for you. Our free Connected Family Agreement provides a 10-step plan that organizes screen time while maintaining a healthy alliance with your child(ren). In addition, our GKIS Screen Safety Toolkit is a family-tested, outcome-based resource guide that provides links and how-to information about parental controls, social media filtering, and blocking for safe browsing.

The Psychology Behind Indulging in True Crime

You might be wondering why anyone would spend their leisure time exposing themselves to such explicit content. According to Psychology Today, reasons for indulging in true crime are simple— adrenaline, fear, and mystery (figuring out the who, why, and how).[2]

When you experience fear, your sympathetic nervous system is stimulated with the same arousal that you’d experience during a state of emergency. When this system is at work, your body is releasing a stress hormone known as adrenaline.[3] Adrenaline can arouse feelings of fear or pleasure. Whether you’re watching a true-crime documentary or riding a rollercoaster, that same hormone is secreted throughout your body. Frequent reinforcement of that adrenaline can be just as addicting as taking drugs or alcohol.

Other explanations for indulging in true crime involve catharsis. Catharsis is a process of releasing repressed emotion, as one may do while identifying with the victim of a true crime story. Watching true crime allows you to experience fear and anxiety in a controlled environment, without actually being put into the situation at hand.[4] Catharsis is then remedied by feelings of safety, knowing that the suspect was caught, the case was solved, or that the case has left the viewer feeling more aware of what could happen. It’s the same fear/thrill and relief that drives some people to watch horror movies. Some viewers also join true crime communities where they feel a sense of camaraderie as they sleuth through the issues together, leading to feelings of satisfaction and accomplishment. Empowerment over seemingly hopeless situations is genuinely rewarding.

Effects of Constant Exposure

Desensitization

In psychology, desensitization refers to the decline in emotional response due to repeated exposure.[[5]] It makes sense that, just as research has found that playing violent video games causes desensitization to violence for some players, vulnerable kids and teens consuming gruesome details of true-life death, murder, and violent crime may be desensitized as well.[6] An example of kids already becoming desensitized to true crime is the viral TikTok of a live suicide that became embedded in other seemingly innocent videos.

While it may be interesting to learn about deviant behavior, constant exposure to this kind of content may also dull positive emotional responses like empathy and compassion. Research on desensitization has found that constant exposure to violence (even over a short period of time) may result in declines in empathy for victims.[7] This enables the true crime genre to become a source of entertainment, rather than a tribute to the victim and their families.

Cultivation Theory and Hypervigilance

Cultivation theory is a theory that suggests a relationship between media exposure/consumption and how it may alter one’s perception and behavior.[8] In the context of viewing true crime, constant exposure may lead someone to think that they are more susceptible to becoming a victim of a crime. There is a big connection between this theory and news outlets, as the news strives to cover deviant acts that plague the community like robberies, assaults, and police pursuits.

With laptops and cell phones readily available, this exposure is not limited to what the news is covering that day.
Teens and tweens can seek multiple sources for true crime content, which in turn, may increase susceptibility to hypervigilance in their day-to-day life. Hypervigilance is a state of constant alertness and fear, which causes someone to feel that they need to protect themselves from potential danger. Hypervigilance is commonly connected to generalized anxiety disorder and posttraumatic stress disorder.

To keep our children safe, we must take the steps to be proactive, not reactive. It can be tricky to virtually monitor their screen time without jeopardizing your parent-child relationship, which is why GKIS founder Dr. Tracy Bennett designed a Social Media Readiness Course. Specifically for teens and tweens, this social media training teaches kids and their parents about digital injuries through modules and mastery quizzes. Kids are also equipped with Dr. Bennett’s psychological wellness techniques to protect them from bad outcomes like depression, anxiety, and self-harm (as seen by many adolescents since the rise in screen time in the past year).

Thanks to GKIS volunteer Kaylen Sanchez for contributing to this GKIS article.

I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetKidsInternetSafe.

Onward to More Awesome Parenting,

Tracy S. Bennett, Ph.D.
Mom, Clinical Psychologist, CSUCI Adjunct Faculty
GetKidsInternetSafe.com

Photo Credits

Photo by kat wilcox from Pexels

Photo by Firmbee.com on Unsplash

Photo by Martin Lopez from Pexels

Works Cited

[[1]] Night Stalker: The Hunt for a Serial Killer. (2021, January 13). Retrieved fromhttps://www.netflix.com/title/81025701

[[2]] Bonn, S. (2016, May 30). The Delightful, Guilty Pleasure of Watching True Crime TV. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/wicked-deeds/201605/the-delightful-guilty-pleasure-watching-true-crime-tv

[[3]] Griggs, R. A. (2014). Psychology: A concise introduction. Worth Publishers

[[4]] Ramsland, K. (2019, July 24). The Unique Allure of the Scene of a Crime. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/shadow-boxing/201907/the-unique-allure-the-scene-crime

[[5]] Fanti, K. A., Vanman, E., Henrich, C. C., & Avraamides, M. N. (2009). Desensitization to media violence over a short period of time. Aggressive Behavior, 35(2), 179–187. https://doi-org.ezproxy.csuci.edu/10.1002/ab.20295

[[6]] Fanti, K. A., Vanman, E., Henrich, C. C., & Avraamides, M. N. (2009). Desensitization to media violence over a short period of time. Aggressive Behavior, 35(2), 179–187. https://doi-org.ezproxy.csuci.edu/10.1002/ab.20295

[[7]] Fanti, K. A., Vanman, E., Henrich, C. C., & Avraamides, M. N. (2009). Desensitization to media violence over a short period of time. Aggressive Behavior, 35(2), 179–187. https://doi-org.ezproxy.csuci.edu/10.1002/ab.20295

[[8]] Potter, W. J. (1993). Cultivation theory and research: A conceptual critique. Human Communication Research, 19(4), 564–601. https://doi-org.ezproxy.csuci.edu/10.1111/j.1468-2958.1993.tb00313.x

GKIS Sensible Guide to a Social Media Cleanse

December 12, 2020 by Remi Ali Khan

Feeling unproductive, unmotivated, and notice that you are wasting countless hours scrolling through social media? A social media cleanse may be a great decision to improve your well-being. In this week’s GKIS article, we will provide a step-by-step guide to putting down your phone and getting that much-needed break your mental health deserves. To help your tween or teen demonstrate they have the knowledge, problem solving ability, and judgment for social media, check out our Social Media Readiness Course. It’s an online course for tweens and teens that offers information about the risks of digital injury due to social media and psychological wellness tools. With a quiz for each module, they work their way through independently so their graduation certification demonstrates mastery of content. Of course, you can take it too if you’d like. It’s like driver’s training but for the internet!

According to pewresearch.org, 70% of Americans use social media.[1] For adults, the most popular social media platforms include YouTube (73%) and Facebook (68%). In contrast, 63% of teens use Instagram, making it the most popular social media platform amongst young users ages 15-25.[2]

According to the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, 90% of teens have used social media and teens spend an average of nine hours a day on social media.[3] Participants of a research study conducted by the Pew Research Center found that 74% of Facebook users visit Facebook daily. People of varying ages spend a lot of time on social media.

We use social media to view funny memes, stay connected to friends and family, meet new people, share opinions and information, show off passions and creative pursuits, advertise businesses, and even get news. Most of us find it extremely rewarding and feel we’ve got it under control. But for others, social media can negatively impact mental health.

Risks of Social Media Use

I’m a millennial who’s been using social media for 10 years. I’ve experienced a wide range of negative effects due to my social media use, including feelings of insecurity and not being good enough, anxiety, and the big one, fear of missing out (FOMO).

For years, I followed my friends’ and Instagram influencers’ profiles and wondered why I wasn’t as happy as them or why I couldn’t travel the world and have a life of fun and excitement. I often compared myself to others on social media and it hurt my mental health. In her book, Screen Time in the Mean Time, Dr. Bennett calls that “compare and despair” and believes it is a common contributor to teen anxiety and depression.

Social media can be a toxic place, especially during these unprecedented times. It’s too easy to spend hours on Google trying to figure out if you have COVID-19 and spend another 45 minutes scrolling through Facebook comments of people arguing over politics. Feelings are high and extreme opinions are rampant. According to helpguide.org, social risks include increased feelings of isolation, depression, anxiety, and insecurity.[4]

The Benefits of a Social Media Cleanse

To get away from negativity, a social media cleanse may be the answer. The benefits of a social media detox include:

More free time for other things, like research about a favorite topic
Improved self-esteem
Improved mood
Increased mindfulness and awareness
Improved sleep quality
Helping you overcome FOMO
Reconnecting with others offline[5]

To research this article, I deleted all of my social media apps including my all-time favorite, Instagram, about a month ago. I was concerned that I was averaging too much screen time (6 hours a day), and I wanted to be more productive and connect more with my boyfriend and family.

My first week of being social media free was by far the hardest. But it became much easier after that. I often felt the urge to redownload my Instagram app, but for the most part I have been able to stay away.

The benefits of staying offline have really paid off for me. Almost immediately, I felt it was easier to fall asleep at night (since I was not on Instagram or TikTok late). I’ve also felt a reduction in stress, anxiety, and anger. Now I don’t feel the need to check my friend’s social media just to see what they’re doing all the time. Instead, I reach out directly to friends to reconnect.

I worried that if I deleted my social media accounts, I would feel more disconnected from my friends. But instead, I’ve kept in touch with them more than before my social media cleanse. Relationships and connections are important to me, and I’m glad that I’ve been able to connect in a more meaningful and sincere way. Overall, I’m happy with the results. I feel more mindful and present in my everyday life, my sleep has improved, I’ve experienced less stress and anxiety, and I have more free time to get work done and spend time reconnecting with the people I love.

Do You Need a Social Media Break?

Here are some red flags that may signal that you are ready for a social media cleanse:

You spend most of your free time on social media.
You feel like you need to share or post often.
You find it hard to focus on schoolwork or other life responsibilities.
You feel an increase in anxiety and stress after spending time on social media.
You feel more lonely, unmotivated, and less creative.
You are experiencing feelings of low self-esteem or low self-confidence.
You feel anxious without your phone.
You feel guilty or ashamed about the amount of time spent on social media.

How to Get Started

There are many ways to jump-start your social media cleanse. You can stop your phone use cold turkey, or you can delete one or two apps at a time. You can also cut down your friend list to only those you have a close, personal relationship with to cut out the less meaningful posts. Find whatever works best for you.

Here are some tips for getting started:

Deactivate or delete your social media accounts.
Delete social media apps from your phone.
Connect with family and friends in alternative ways.
Set a time limit on your phone to cut back on overall phone use.
Check your daily Screen Use and make adjustments if needed.
Set a specific “phone bedtime” before your actual bedtime (At least 3o minutes before you go to bed is recommended).
Make your bedroom a phone-free zone.
Turn your phone on “Night Mode” to decrease blue light emissions.[6]

Most importantly, remind yourself why you decided to go on a cleanse in the first place. And remember, your cleanse doesn’t have to be a permanent decision, you can always go back.

Enriching Activities to Reconnect Offline

There are endless possibilities for new enriching activities. You can practice meditation, pick up a new skill, or do that thing you’ve been meaning to do. Here are some fun ideas to reconnect with your loved ones:

Family game night
Family movie night
Cook a family dinner. Make it exciting by trying a new recipe or cooking an old family favorite.
Have a family yoga or workout session.
Practice meditation and deep breathing (alone or with family).

Using this extra time to reconnect and spend valuable time with your family is great, but it’s also important to spend time hanging out with yourself. Start by catching up on your sleep, creating a playlist, or reading a favorite book. Don’t feel pressured to constantly look for something to keep you busy unless that’s what you want to do. This is a well-deserved break. Do whatever you want with it and enjoy!

If you’re interested in learning more helpful tips about parenting in the digital age, check out the GKIS Connected Family Course. The GKIS Connected Family Course is family-tested and outcome-based and helps you close screen risk gaps and improve family cooperation and closeness.

Thanks to CSUCI intern, Remi Ali Khan for researching social media cleanses for this article.

I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetKidsInternetSafe.

Onward to More Awesome Parenting,

Tracy S. Bennett, Ph.D.
Mom, Clinical Psychologist, CSUCI Adjunct Faculty
GetKidsInternetSafe

Photo Credits

Photo by ijmaki from Pixabay

Photo by ROMAN ODINTSOV from Pexels

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels

Works Cited

[1] Demographics of Social Media Users and Adoption in the United States. (2020, June 5). https://www.pewresearch.org/internet/fact-sheet/social-media/.

[2] Clement, J. (2020, September 23). U.S. teens: most popular social media apps 2019. https://www.statista.com/statistics/199242/social-media-and-networking-sites-used-by-us-teenagers/.

[3] Aacap. https://www.aacap.org/AACAP/Families_and_Youth/Facts_for_Families/FFF-Guide/Social-Media-and-Teens-100.aspx.

[4] Robinson, L. Social Media and Mental Health. https://www.helpguide.org/articles/mental-health/social-media-and-mental-health.htm.

[5] Parenta, & *, N. (2017, May 8). 7 amazing benefits of doing a social media detox. Parenta.com. https://www.parenta.com/2017/05/05/7-amazing-benefits-of-doing-a-social-media-detox/.

[6] Pacheo, D. (2020, November 21). Can Electronics Affect Quality Sleep? Sleep Foundation. https://www.sleepfoundation.org/articles/why-electronics-may-stimulate-you-bed

The American Sitting Disease Epidemic

December 8, 2020 by Alisa Araiza

Most of us use our screens hours every day, whether it’s our phones, tablets, mobile gaming devices, televisions, or computers. Usually, when we’re using screens, we’re sitting and being inactive. With the rise of technology and remote work stations, more people are working at desks or home, going to school online, and using screens recreationally. Because of this, adults and children are more inactive than ever, putting them at risk of digital injuries and potentially life-threatening medical conditions. Today’s GKIS article alerts you to the American epidemic of the sitting disease, how it can contribute to medical illness, and how to reduce those risks and become more active as a family.

The Sitting Disease

According to the CDC, 25% of Americans spend eight or more hours sitting per day.[1] As a result, the U.S. is experiencing an epidemic of the potentially deadly sitting disease. The sitting disease refers to the harmful effects of a sedentary or an inactive lifestyle. Research shows that sitting for long periods can be bad for your health.

Cardiovascular Disease

For example, prolonged sitting is bad for your heart and can lead to cardiovascular disease. A study conducted by Tatiana Warren and colleagues measured the association between hours of sedentary behaviors (riding in a car and watching television) and heart disease. The researchers found that men who reported over 23 hours of sedentary activity had a 60% greater risk of dying from heart disease than men who reported only 11 hours of sedentary activity.[2]

Obesity and Type-Two Diabetes

People who spend more time sitting are also at greater risk of gaining body fat and developing obesity. This is because the number of calories burned while sitting is very low and excessive body fat results from consuming more calories than are burned throughout the day. Prolonged sitting can also put you at risk for type-two diabetes.[3]

Cancer

Those who sit for long periods daily also have an increased risk of developing certain cancers. One study conducted by the REGARDS team asked 8,000 middle-aged Americans to wear a tracking device every day for 5 years. Researchers found that the most inactive people had an 80% higher risk of dying from cancer than those who were more active.[4]

Other Physical Conditions

Migraines, back and neck problems, as well as carpal tunnel syndrome are other physical conditions that can arise from repetitive screen use. To read more about these digital injuries, check out the GKIS article Repetitive Strain, and Distraction Injuries from Screen Use.

Dr. Bennett’s book Screen Time in the Mean Time offers even more detail about repetitive screen use injuries and offers strategies on how to reduce the risk of digital injury and get closer to your kids.

Reduce the Risks of Medical Illness

Not only are repetitive screen use injuries preventable, so is the sitting disease. Small changes can make a big difference! The goal is to move more throughout the day, offering critical blood flow and stretching to stiffening muscles. It can be as simple as:

Taking the stairs instead of the elevator
Walking around while taking a phone call
Doing chores around the house
Stand up and sit down several times a day or do a few quick squat exercises
Investing in a mobile laptop desk, or for the inexpensive, flexible option that Dr. B uses, check out the desk height extenders.
Drinking lots of water so you have to get up and go to the restroom often

Be More Active with the Family

It’s not just adults that suffer medical risk from too much sitting. Strengthen family relationships while encouraging good habits with some of these fun suggestions:

Morning walks are a great way to start the day and get moving.
Engage in active hobbies that you and the family enjoy like riding bikes, playing sports, or hiking.
Invest in a fitness tracker or a pedometer. Seeing how many steps you take throughout the day can help you determine if you are moving enough. I use an Apple Watch. Some of the many features of the Apple Watch is tracking movement, calories burned, and it even sends reminders to stand up. You can share your data with family or friends, and you can even compete with each other! To read about the pros and cons of fitness trackers check out our GKIS article Is Your Health Declining Due to Wearable Tech?.
Home workouts are also a great way to be active with the family. For a list of some great at-home workout apps, check out our article GKIS Recommended Exercise Apps for Families.

Limit Screen Time

Cutting downtime spent watching television or playing video games can be beneficial for your health. It’s just too easy to spend hours on the couch binge-watching your favorite show. But if you have no choice but to work online, Dr. Bennett suggests keeping a yoga mat next to your computer and practicing yoga stretches to break up sitting time.

She recommends subscribing to the SarahBethYoga on Youtube for a variety of high-quality, free yoga classes. Once you learn some stretches, you can practice them during breaks and even try them with your family to encourage them to move with you.

A special thank you to Alisa Araiza for researching and co-writing this article. For tips on how to manage screen time for your children, check out the GKIS Screen Safety Toolkit and grab a copy of Dr. Tracy Bennett’s Screen Time in the Mean Time: A Parenting Guide to Get Kids and Teens Internet Safe. She has done all of the research for you and will provide you with helpful strategies!

I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetKidsInternetSafe.

Onward to More Awesome Parenting,

Tracy S. Bennett, Ph.D.
Mom, Clinical Psychologist, CSUCI Adjunct Faculty
GetKidsInternetSafe.com

Work Cited

[1] http://ergonomictrends.com/sedentary-lifestyle-sitting-statistics/

[2]https://journals.lww.com/acsm-msse/Fulltext/2010/05000/Sedentary_Behaviors_Increase_Risk_of.6.aspx

[3]https://abcnews.go.com/Health/tv-screen-time-earlier-death/story?id=12585853

[4]https://www.cnn.com/2020/06/18/health/sitting-cancer-study-wellness/index.html

Photo Credit

Photo by Laura Chouette on Unsplash

Photo by madison lavern on Unsplash

Photo by Standsome Worklifestyle on Unsplash

Why Good Sleep is Critical for Child and Teen Health

May 30, 2020 by GetKidsInternetSafe

Ask anybody what they need more of – and they’ll say SLEEP! Surveys report that sleep deprivation among Americans is rampant. As a psychologist who treats kids, teens, and adults, I see that those who suffer the most are teens! Teens are burdened with a ton of schoolwork and the temptations of social media, video gaming, and binge-watching YouTube, TikTok, and Netflix. With crazy busy work weeks, we crave “me-time,” especially during those precious moments when we’ve settled in for bed without interruptions and distractions. Unfortunately, most people don’t know why sleep is so important. Without enough sleep, we are at risk for mental illness and overall performance decline. Today’s GKIS article goes over the reasons why sleep is so important and how to preserve your mental health and learning capacity by protecting much-needed restorative sleep.

Why is sleep so important?

During sleep, our brains conduct general housekeeping and memory-strengthening duties. Housekeeping tasks necessary for brain health include the pruning, repair, and new growth of neurons and the removal of toxins.

Memory strengthening, called memory consolidation, occurs by stabilizing memory traces that were collected while awake. Memory consolidation occurs with both declarative (fact-based) and procedural (how-to) information. Rapid-eye-movement (REM) sleep is particularly important for stabilizing complex or emotionally charged memories.[i]When we don’t get enough sleep, our brain’s housekeeping and memory consolidation tasks remain undone, leaving us unable to efficiently acquire (onboard) or retrieve information.

Sleep deprivation not only stunts learning, but it can also cause:

mood swings,
negative mood states like depression, irritability, and anxiety,
fatigue,
confusion,
attention problems,
motor impairment, and
overall impaired cognitive performance.[ii]

If people regularly sleep fewer than six hours a night, research has found that they may have:

a higher risk of developing Alzheimer’s Disease,
a 200% increased chance of having a heart attack or stroke,
a 70% reduction in cancer-fighting T-cells, and
disrupted melatonin and cortisol which can lead to weight gain and Type 2 diabetes.

For those who stay awake 16 hours straight, they may lower their overall functioning to resemble somebody who is legally drunk. Furthermore, sleep-deprived individuals often fail to recognize impairment. In other words, they don’t realize the costs and keep burning the candle at both ends.

Vamping

Missing out on much-needed sleep and staying up all night on screens is called vamping.

Teens with chronic sleep deprivation have been found to demonstrate:

lower achievement motivation,
more teacher-child relationship problems,
a poorer academic self-concept, and
poorer school performance.[iii]

How might you decrease the risk of vamping and encourage healthy sleep?

Stage the room to be restful.

I know it’s nearly impossible to motivate kids to unclutter their rooms. But a soothing environment contributes to a soothed mind. Offer your support by helping your child create a more restful environment with a fresh bedroom makeover. Light paint colors, soft textures, organized closets and bedside tables, soft lighting, white noise makers, and yummy smells can turn a chaotic hovel into a relaxing paradise.

Recognize that nutrition, exercise, and screen content impact the quality of sleep.

Research has demonstrated that young children who watch violent television content have more sleep problems, particularly delayed onset of sleep, than children who view age-appropriate content.[iv] Furthermore, kids who get adequate nutrition and exercise, especially outdoor exercise because of sunlight setting your circadian rhythm, also get better quality sleep. In practice, I find that teens, in particular, benefit from the mood benefits of regular cardio and cooperative team play.

No screens in the bedroom.

Why? Because screens wake up our brains! The blue LED light from the screen stimulates the photosensors in the retina that signal the brain to suppress melatonin production (our sleep-regulating hormone) and makes us more alert. Less melatonin disrupts our natural circadian rhythms, which can lead to sleep during the day and wakefulness during the night.

Using screens before bedtime has been found to cause people to:

go to bed later,
prolong the time it takes to fall asleep,
delay the timing of REM sleep, reduce the amount of REM sleep and sleep overall,
reduce alertness in the morning, and
cause more daytime sleepiness.[v]

Screens also condition us to be awake in bed. If we are often awake in bed, our bodies will automatically be conditioned to cue, or believe that the bed is an “awake-only” zone.

Alternatively, if we only rest and sleep in bed, our bodies will be conditioned that the bed is a “sleep-only” zone.

In psychology, we call this type of cued learning classical conditioning. By these principles, we must resist the urge to do anything in bed but sleep to develop good expectations and habits.

Make the No Screens in the Bedroom Rule BEFORE it’s necessary. It’s asking a lot to say no TV, video games, tablets, or smartphones in the bedroom, but vamping leads to sleep deprivation. Sleep deprivation leads to impulsivity and risk-taking.[vi] Impulsivity while in intimate spaces leads to intimate gestures like sexting and viewing inappropriate online content.

Also, use alarm clocks with red-lighted numbers in bedrooms rather than screens for timekeeping.

Encourage a soothing nighttime ritual.

We are creatures of habit. Habitual activity during the thirty-minute bedtime wind-down signals the body to anticipate rest. Components of a soothing ritual may include soft lighting; quiet, repetitive, or white noise sounds; and comforting activities. Sticking to a consistent bedtime schedule is also important.

Screens off thirty minutes before lights out.

As our brains sort through our memory caches, information is prioritized to either forget or remember. Because experiences that trigger emotion are typically important, evolution has shaped our brains to prioritize memories infused with emotion. Based on cognitive science theories, looping on a troubling experience is thought to be the cause of nightmares.

Just like the response to fright when we’re awake, stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline dump into our bloodstream when we have nightmares. If we are troubled upon falling asleep, agitated dreaming and tossing and turning may result, leaving us tired, irritable, and cognitively scrambled the next day. Over time, this can seriously impair mental health.

Although emotionally triggering and arousing screen activities like gaming, texting, or viewing activating content aren’t as troubling as real-life trauma, they still stimulate the same brain regions activated with chronic stress, often for hours at a time. The hangover from chronic stress has been referred to as mental brownout. Limiting activating screen activities at night and giving your children time to soothe prior to bedtime will result in better quality sleep overall and pave the way for healthy learning during the day. Particularly, avoid eating, triggering discussions, video gaming, and intense exercise before bed.

Teach sophisticated self-soothing strategies.

The opportunity to spend time with a relaxed parent is another factor critical to self-soothing. From birth, a child’s brain synchronizes with a responsive parent. Eye contact, narrative moment-to-moment comments with emotion words, and general conversation teach kids what emotions are and how to deal with them.

We cannot provide this kind of synching and teaching if we are focused on screens instead of each other. Also, if you don’t sleep well one night, don’t stress about it. Getting anxious or angry will wake you up more, and most of us get poor sleep here and there and simply make it up later.

If you are reading this because you are taking our Social Media Readiness Course, you’re about to learn cognitive-behavioral exercises like diaphragmatic breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, mindfulness, imagery, and meditation. These skills can prevent even the most persistent sleep disorders.

Exercising one’s mind to relax is critical to self-soothing. Another option for overcoming some of the negative effects of sleep deprivation is napping.

A full cycle of sleep takes about ninety minutes and provides cognitive rejuvenation that improves procedural memory and creativity with no sleep inertia (grogginess). Sixty to thirty minutes is good for slow-wave sleep, which helps with fact memory and retrieval but may still result in grogginess. Twenty to ten-minute power naps are shown to increase alertness and energy. If you have time to nap, it’s best to spend ninety minutes to complete a sleep cycle or just a power nap for ten.

Onward to More Awesome Parenting,

Tracy S. Bennett, Ph.D.
Mom, Clinical Psychologist, CSUCI Adjunct Faculty
GetKidsInternetSafe

Works Cited

[i] Xie, L., Kang, H., Xu, Q., Chen, M., Liao, Y., Thiyagarajan, M., O’Donnell, J., Christensen, D., Nicholson, C., Iliff, J., Takano, T., Deane, R., &

Nedergaard, M. (2013). Sleep Drives Metabolite Clearance from the Adult Brain. Science 342.6156: 373-77. Web.

[ii] Goel, N., Rao, H., Durmer, J., & Dinges, D. (2009). Neurocognitive Consequences of Sleep Deprivation. Seminars in Neurology 29.04: 320-39. Web.

[iii] Dewald-Kaufmann, J., Oort, F., Bogels, S., & Meijer, A. (2013). “Why Sleep Matters: Differences in Daytime Functioning Between Adolescents with Low & High Chronic Sleep Reduction & Short & Long Sleep Durations.” Journal of Cognitive & Behavioral Psychotherapies, 13, 171-182.

[iv] Garrison, M. & Christakis, D. (2012). The impact of a healthy media use intervention on sleep in preschool children. Pediatrics, 2011-3153; DOI: 10.1542/peds.2011-3153

[v] Chang, A., Aeschbach, D, Duffy, J., & Czeisler, C. (2014). Evening Use of Light-emitting EReaders Negatively Affects Sleep, Circadian Timing, & Next-morning Alertness. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences 112.4: 1232-237. Web.

[vi] Killgore, W., Kamimori, G., & Balkin, T. Caffeine Protects Against Increased Risk-taking Propensity During Severe Sleep Deprivation. Journal of Sleep Research 20.3 (2010): 395-403. Web.

GKIS Guide to Helping Your Child Deal with Grief

May 27, 2020 by Danielle Rivera

Do you remember as a young child when you lost someone you loved? Whether it was your first dog or your grandma, the pain was definitely there. Many children are exposed to death in their early years initially from cartoons, tv shows, and movies. The complex concept of death is often difficult for kids to understand. Today’s GKIS article covers some basics about children, grief, and how to help them through it.

Every child will grieve at some point.

Whether we like it or not our children will have to face a time where they must grieve. One day their fish will die, their friend may pass, maybe even a grandparent will pass away. Parents are the most important touch-point during a time like this. Knowing how to manage it can make a big difference in child outcome.

When I was 10 years old the biggest person in my world would become a memory to me, my dad. On January 22, 2009, my dad lost his battle with stage-4 colon cancer. I remember it like it was yesterday, from my feelings to the headband I was wearing when I found out. The hurt and pain I felt knowing I would never be able to smell his hair pomade, take a Walmart trip with him just so I could sneak a J-14 magazine into the cart, or learn the game of football from him with dreams of playing for his favorite team, the Raiders. My dad was my world and just like that … he was gone.

For a long time growing up I was angry. I would act out and talk back to my mom, you name it I did it. I did not really understand how to deal with my emotions and felt that I needed to be strong for my mom and older sister. I would brush off his death like I did not care a single bit, but how could I not? My mom tried everything to help me, from taking me to therapy, encouraging me to play sports, and even retail therapy, but nothing made it better. Of course, I had many times where I was happy and laughing because yes, my life did go on, but I always felt a void in my heart.

Looking back now, I wish I could have understood the process more. Maybe with more support, my mom could have reached me better or helped me feel more understood. As I got older one of my goals was to become a children’s therapist, hoping to specialize in children who are grieving the loss of a loved one because I know first-hand how that feels. Every now and then when I think of a new way of grieving, I write it down. Writing today’s GKIS article helped me heal a little bit. I hope you find some of these helpful for you too.

Helping Your Child Overcome Grief

Try to go about your daily life as normal as possible.

Your child is already having to cope with the absence of somebody they loved. So rather than change other things in their life that they may miss as well, like friends or school, try to stick to your daily regimen.[1] The day after my dad passed away my mom encouraged me to go to my softball game. Although it was painful to see the empty seat next to my mom, it actually helped distract me for some much-needed temporary relief.

If past routines are too hard, start new ones!

If you are unable to stick to your daily routine because the pain of the missing loved one is just too great, creating new ideas may offer a fresh start. Anticipating events can be almost as much fun as doing them. When you come up with an idea, like building a sandbox, painting a room, or by making an outside fort, put it on the calendar. Give your child something to look forward to.

Show your child that you love them!

Be there for your child and remind them how much you love them each and every day by doing these small things:[1]

Leave them a small note in their sack lunch so they know you are always thinking of them.
Greet them with an enthusiastic smile and a hug in the morning.
Read them one too many stories and kiss them goodnight.
Treat them occasionally with an unexpected surprise from the store, like a cupcake or little toy.
Spend extra family time together, like on a hike or a special trip to their favorite ice cream shop
Leave love notes for them under their pillow.

It will be tough at times.

Dealing with the death of a loved one is difficult no matter what age you are. There are many complexities that come along with grieving and moving forward when losing someone you love. Although, you are probably just as heartbroken as your child, grief can manifest differently for different people. Although you will have challenging moments sometimes where you won’t know the next step, it’s okay. Breathe…you are not alone.

For extra coaching and support, it’s okay to ask for help from family, clergy, your child’s teacher, and even a psychologist. Sometimes children will speak more openly with someone they don’t have to worry may burst into tears themselves.

Teaching your child the concept of death may be challenging.

This is one thing about my dad’s death I struggled with for a long time. Like many young children who go through a loss of a loved one, I began to fear death and would constantly ask my mom if I was going to die too.

You will be asked a ton of questions

Children are curious and usually speak their minds with no filter. So, when asking about death
and loss be prepared to be asked very vague and challenging questions. Make sure you always give a thought out and complete explanation.

Questions you may get asked:

What is death?
Why do people die?
Where do they go when they die?
Will I die, too?
Can’t they come back?

It is important, in any which way you answer these questions, to keep it positive while also being straightforward with your child. Dr. Bennett calls it honesty with discretion. Kids get a lot of comfort if you tell them they’ll see their loved one again, but not for a very long time. Follow up that their loved one will always be with them, held close. It just won’t be as easy to see them.

Teach them the concept of death in a positive way. Be honest about your emotions while assuring them of their safety and that they are loved. Letting your children see you grieve sometimes will normalize healthy emotions. You don’t have to suppress emotion completely, all the time. It’s OK to be genuine and even accept soothing from them sometimes.

Still feel a disconnection.

Grief is a very normal and healthy process. However, kids and adults can sometimes sink into what psychologists call complicated bereavement. Complicated bereavement is grief that escalates into impairment and may benefit from professional clinical treatment. If you are wondering if it’s time to seek clinical help, ask yourself simple questions:

Are they sad more than half of the time?
Are they not eating or failing to gain or lose weight?
Are they having trouble sleeping or sleeping too much?
Are they complaining about intrusive thoughts or frequent nightmares?
Are they refusing to go to school or do homework?
Are they moving like they have no energy or agitated often?

Do they act tired, like they have no energy and can’t make decisions? Have they engaged in self-harm or threatened suicide?

Do’s and Don’ts When Helping Your Child Grieve

Do’s

Allow your child to grieve in their own way whether it be video games or crying into their pillow.
Mix curiosity with caring. This will not only show your child that you too are saddened by the loss, but it will also help your child express their feelings to you.
Separate your grief from theirs. It may sound selfish but, in this time, it will be beneficial to your child to see you hold yourself together as much as you can. They are in a foreign state of mind and will need to look up to you in how to move forward.
Be careful with your actions. Children are absorbent and pay close attention. Try not to grieve in ways that will not be beneficial to your child, like overindulging with alcohol, checking out, or having huge meltdowns in front of your child.
Praise! Oftentimes children develop new skills in this time of grieving. Be sure to mention how good they got at painting, you like their new makeup style, or even how easily they were able to pick up a sport.
Consider online support groups if there is a deficit of live support in your area.

Don’ts

Do not insist on a certain time or way to mourn. Everyone mourns in their own way.
Tell your child the truth, don’t say that their grandma is just sleeping or that their dog went on a walk. Kids can take things too literally and blame themselves or become afraid.[2]
Children need to be children. Don’t make them take on adult duties. Taking away their childhood will be seen as another loss for them.
Don’t be quick to punish. Your child may act out to elicit your attention. This sounds crazy but normalize their actions. This will help them stop this bad behavior.
Don’t knock the idea of support groups. Children being exposed to other children who are also experiencing loss may benefit from a sense of camaraderie.

If you live in California, Hawaii, or Idaho and need some warm, therapeutic support, Dr. Bennett offers teletherapy sessions. Go to DrTracyBennett.com for more information. A grieving child is not the only one to learn something new, you are too. Knowing how to help, nurture, and care for your child during this time is not easy but with simple steps, it can become second nature. Keep going and don’t give up on yourself, you’re doing great! Thanks to Danielle Rivera for contributing this GKIS article.

Photo Credits

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels

Photo by August de Richelieu on Pexels

Photo by Suzy Hazelwood on Pexels

Photo by Edward Jenner on Pexels

Works Cited

[1] Ehmke, Rachel. Helping Children Deal with Grief. Retrieved from ^{https://childmind.org/article/helping-children-deal-grief/}

[2] Nathan, Edy (2019). When Children Grieve. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/tales-grief/201903/when-children-grieve

[3] “Grief Share,” GriefShare.org, accessed May 10, 2020, https://www.griefshare.org

[4] “Corona Virus: Daily Change,” accessed May 19, 2020, https://www.google.com/search?client=safari&rls=en&q=how+many+people+have+died+of+covid+19&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8

Virtual Reality to Treat Phobias

May 18, 2020 by Makenzie Stancliff

Psychologists have successfully treated phobias for decades. Starting with education about what anxiety is, they then offer calming tools in preparation for exposure therapy. Exposure therapy is a form of therapy where the client and therapist focus on a specific fear and attempts to relax and gain control of the situation.[1] Initially, psychologists recommend imagining the thing their client is most afraid of. Then, over time, they work toward exposures of the event in real life. This can be difficult in situations where the real-life object can’t be found (like airplanes, spiders, and injection needles). Technology now has a solution for us. It’s called Virtual Reality Exposure.

Imagine being terrified of riding in an elevator. You sit in your therapist’s office with a headset and you are virtually walking into and riding an elevator. After several sessions with your therapist and the headset, you can walk into an elevator and ride it up several stories. Virtual reality is giving people the opportunity to overcome their phobias in the comfort and safety of their therapist’s office.

What is virtual reality?

Virtual reality projects an environment that feels real, but is not. Users wear a headset that resembles large goggles that have screens instead of lenses. Once the headset is on, users can only see what is being shown on the screens. They can no longer see anything around them. There are sensors in the headset that can tell when users move their heads. The screen view moves along with users heads to make it feel real.[2]

Top 10 Phobias

Phobias are extreme reactions to certain situations. Below are the 10 most common phobias among people

Arachnophobia: Fear of spiders

Ophidiophobia: Fear of snakes

Acrophobia: Fear of heights

Aerophobia: Fear of flying

Cynophobia: Fear of dogs

Astraphobia: Fear of thunder and lightening

Trypanophobia: Fear of injections

Social Phobia: Fear of social situations

Agoraphobia: Fear of being alone in a situation or place where escape is difficult

Mysophobia: Fear of germs and dirt[3]

How does virtual reality treat phobias?

Virtual reality (VR) exposure therapy allows the client to face the object of their phobia through the headset while being in the safety of their therapist’s office. The therapist then coaches the client to manage anxiety during virtual reality exposure.

Benefits of VR Exposure Therapy

Gradual Exposure is More Tolerable

VR exposure is less triggering than real-life exposure. It’s an awesome second step, after imaginal exposure, to get them where they need to be before direct exposures.

Saves Time and Money

Real-life exposure therapy typically requires time and money to travel to different locations to treat the phobia. With virtual reality exposure therapy, travel is not needed since the therapy takes place in the therapist’s office – convenient, inexpensive, quick, and effective.

More Confidential

Any emotion elicited from the exposures will not occur in front of anyone besides their therapist.

Therapist Has More Control

The therapist can stop the simulation if necessary for the client. The therapist could also repeat the same simulation multiple times if the client needs it.

Less Risk

The simulation can end whenever the client needs to. For example, the client can easily get off the airplane in VR but in real life, the client would have to stay on the airplane once it has started taking off.[4]

Thank you to CSUCI intern Makenzie Stancliff for co-authoring this article. For more information on anxiety, check out the article How Internet Searches can Lead to Illness Anxiety Disorder on the GetKidsInternetSafe website.

I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetKidsInternetSafe.

Onward to more awesome parenting,

Tracy S. Bennett, Ph.D.

Mom, Clinical Psychologist, CSUCI Adjunct Faculty

GetKidsInternetSafe.com

Works Cited

[1] exposure therapy. (n.d.). Retrieved from https://medical-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com/exposure therapy

[2] Emspak, J. (2016, March 22). What Is Virtual Reality? Retrieved from https://www.livescience.com/54116-virtual-reality.html

[3] Cherry, K. (2020, January 20). How Are the Most Common Phobias or Fears Treated? Retrieved from https://www.verywellmind.com/most-common-phobias-4136563

[4] Posted by Dr. Andrew Rosen, Rosen, D. A., & Anderson, J. (2017, April 7). Virtual Reality Therapy for Phobias. Retrieved from https://centerforanxietydisorders.com/virtual-reality-therapy-for-phobias/

Photo Credits

Photo by JESHOOTS.COM on Unsplash

Photo by Frank Vessia on Unsplash