April is Sexual Assault Awareness and Prevention Month (SAAPM). According to the Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network every nine minutes a child is sexually abused, 93% of survivors know the perpetrator, and 1 in 5 kids have been solicited sexually online before the age of 18.[1] The National Sexual Assault Hotline (1-800-656-4673) provides confidential support to victims. This GKIS article covers sexual violence, technology misuse, support groups, and ways to help. The following information may be triggering to some readers, discretion is advised.
Sexual Violence
Ending sexual violence and assault has become a national outcry. The National Sexual Violence Resource Center conducted a survey in the United States, reporting 734,630 people were raped in 2018.[2] GKIS has partnered with various organizations to raise awareness and end sexual assault.
Survivors endure the trauma of the assault and suffer chronic mental disorders (post-traumatic stress disorder, substance abuse, depression) and physical issues (HIV, sexually transmitted infections (STI), unplanned pregnancy).
The Sexual Assault Nurse Examiners (SANE) is a 24-hour service of first responders aiding sexual assault victims. SANE supports victims with emotional recovery, offers STI testing, and provides investigational leads to law enforcement which speeds and increases the chance for prosecution.[2]
Sexual assault is legally defined as “any type of sexual contact or behavior that occurs without the explicit consent of a recipient.”[3] By legal definition, the following are types of sexual assaults according to California law:
In 2015, the People of the State of California v. Brock Allen Turner made national headlines for convicting a Stanford student for sexually assaulting an unconscious victim. He received a sentence of six months for his crimes. Based on the previous CA law, prison time was only sentenced if the victim could defend themselves. The presiding judge, Aaron Persky, was disbarred after his ruling stating that a prison sentence would “have a severe effect” on the student’s future.[3] In an effort to decrease victim-blaming, former Governor Jerry Brown signed AB 2888 which requires a mandatory minimum sentence and requires that sex crime convictions must result in state prison.[3]
Victimization of Children
Sexual violence is common in youth, with reports of 42.2% of females having experienced their first completed rape before 18 according to the 2010 summary report by the National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey.[15] Sexual abuse of minors is often unreported because victims are often secretly coerced and confused about the feelings that result from the abuse. Legally, a child cannot consent to sexual activity with an adult due to immature brain development.[4] Pettis and Hughes report that male adult victims are particularly unlikely to seek treatment for childhood abuse.[4]
Violence in Intimate Relationships
Sexual abuse involving an intimate relationship refers to an unwanted or coercive sexual behavior toward one’s partner. In a Burke and colleagues’ study, males and females with high feminine gender identity were more likely to sustain abuse if they refused to perform sexual acts.[5]
Warning signs of an abusive relationship include if your partner
isolates you from friends or family
manipulates you into performing sexual acts
gets frustrated and jealous if you have unaccounted-for time
Sexual harassment is defined as an unwelcome verbal or physical advance for sexual gratification.[7] A study by Adams-Roy and Barling reported that 35-45% of women face severe sexual harassment at the workplace, resulting in an increase in stress, anxiety, and depression. Assertiveness training often helps victims of sexual harassment confront the assaulter.[7]
Online Sexual Abuse
Online sexual abuse is defined by the United Nations Children’s Funds as coercing victims to use live streams, virtual communities, and social media platforms for illegal sexual acts.[13] Social media influencers have been accused of having sexual relationships with minors. For example, YouTube and Tik Tok influencers James Charles and Tony Lopez have been accused of inappropriate intimate involvement with young fans using fame, power, sexual manipulation, and abusive behaviors. Uplift is a non-profit organization that was founded in 2015 that works to combat sexual abuse in the online community. John Green, author of “The Fault in our Stars,” pledged to support the Uplift movement on YouTube, helping Uplift attract additional supporters.
Our 2015 article, How Texting Can Turn To Sexting in the Blink of an Eye, explains how predators groom children in order to pressure them to send nude photos. Revenge porn is another form of digital abuse, defined as the act of posting someone else’s nude image without consent. Perpetrators illegally use the photos to control and exploit their victims. Revenge porn laws vary by state. If you want to know your state’s revenge porn laws, visit Cyberbully.
Sex Trafficking
Sex trafficking is the use of force, fraud, and coercion against someone for prostitution, pornography, and sexual performance fueled by the buyer’s money.[14] Sex trafficking is increasingly aiding the internet. It has been estimated that 3.8 million adults and 1 million children are used for forced and commercial sexual exploitation each year.[11] In 2020, a conspiracy erupted on Reddit accusing Wayfair of trafficking children by disguising codes located behind furniture sales. The public demanded the U.S. government to investigate allegations, which were later proven false.
People who are vulnerable to sex trafficking include:
Frequently child sexual abuse (commonly called child pornography) is captured and shared on smartphones and Go-Pro. According to California law, sending or receiving semi-nude or nude images of minors is child sexual abuse. This act qualifies as transmitting obscene material by distributing generated image(s) containing sexual conduct, punishable up to six years in state prison.[11]
Another form of camera misconduct is capturing or recording a subject in a bedroom or restroom without their consent. In 2019, a vacation rental guest rented an Airbnb for the weekend. He discovered that the chargers in the bedroom were video recorders.[12] Now, the placement of indoor cameras inside vacation rentals is illegal.
Security cameras placed in a particular area to capture a neighbor’s pool, bedroom, or restroom are forms of electronic surveillance that may be illegal depending on intent. Voyeurism is defined as gaining sexual pleasure by watching or recording someone undress.[5] A perpetrator may be imprisoned for 60 days and registered as a sex offender. From our recent article, Red-Light Websites and Online Services that Can Be Dangerous to Kids, GKIS described the Hide It Pro application that can store images and videos from security cameras.
Support Groups for SAAPM
Coalition for Family Harmony
This organization offers mental support, including counseling for sexual assault survivors, support groups for adults and teens, forensic exams, and a 24/7 service with the Rape Crisis Advocates. Dr. Sandy Gomez oversees the Rape Crisis Center in Ventura County at Coalition for Family Harmony and LGBTQ Program. She states that “a person’s access to mental health services should not be limited by their socioeconomic status.” Ten free psychotherapy sessions using a survivor-centered approach are available for sexual assault survivors. There are extended services for survivors who are of color and LGBTQ+.
In April, the Coalition for Family Harmony offers presentations to educate the community and mitigate online romance fraud, which is defined as the act of deceiving another person for financial gains through an online romantic relationship using a fake identity.
A special message from Dr. Sandy Gomez; “If you have experienced sexual violence, you are not alone and what happened to you is not your fault. You are the expert of your situation and we are here to help you review your options so that you can make an informed decision that works for your needs.” Contact their office at (805) 983-6014 or 1-800-300-2181 for a 24-hour Bilingual Crisis Hotline.
The Clothesline Project at Ventura College
According to Professor Capuano, the Ventura Psychology Club advisor and Coordinator of the Clothesline Project for 18 years, the purpose of the Clothesline Project “is to educate students and the community that violence is a problem everywhere, and that help is available.” Students and the community can visit Ventura College to listen to survivors, attend presentations, receive on-site counseling, and speak with 15+ local organizations. Visitors put their personal message on a shirt for display on campus. Topics covered include incest, cyber exploitation, domestic violence, and sexual violence.
Bikers Against Child Abuse
B.A.C.A. is a non-profit organization free of charge which assists abused children. They work together in conjunction with the local and state officials. B.A.C.A. uses their physical appearance to lend physical and emotional support. These bikers are the shield that protects children from future physical, sexual, and emotional abuse.
Ogie, a current member of B.A.C.A., uses the phrase, “no child should live in fear,” giving children hope for a safer world. In the eyes of children and the community, they are heroes. There are monthly meetings for members and the general public to attend. For more information on Who Is B.A.C.A. and local chapters in your area, visit their website.
American Foundation for Suicide Prevention
Thirty-three percent of female sexual assault victims contemplate suicide.[1] The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP) offers advocacy, research, education, and support to survivors with suicidal ideation. They recognize the importance of diversity, equity, and inclusion. AFSP is offering spring actives, such as Marathon in a Month and Campus Walks Day of Action. To learn more about the events, visit AFSP Greater Los Angeles and Central Coats. Let us be the voice AFSP is missioning for “Save Lives and Bring Hope to Those Affected by Suicide.”
Denim Day
In 1992, a 45-year-old driving instructor raped an 18-year-old woman on her first driving lesson in Italy. The survivor reported the rape, and the perpetrator was arrested and jailed for 6 years. Years later, the man appealed his conviction stating it was consensual sex evidenced by her tight jeans that would be too difficult to be pulled off involuntarily. The conviction was overturned, allowing the rapist to be released. This was to be known as the “jean alibi.”[9]
A Denim Day campaign was established in 1999 to support sexual assault victims. Denim Day is considered the most prolonged prevention and education movement for sexual assault.[9] Feel free to tag GKIS social media accounts to see you be a part of the movement.
The importance of consent shows respect for others and yourself. If you are struggling to explain or understand consent, visit Blue Seat Studio’s published video on YouTube: Tea Consent.
Call to Action Against Sexual Assault
LISTEN to victims when they report assault and assist them to achieve emotional and physical safety (e.g., walking, shopping, or eating in public settings).
PARTICIPATE in April to show your support. Wear or post a teal ribbon on your social media page to give awareness of sexual assault.
ACT to stop victim-blaming, known as the belief that the victim is responsible for the assault because of how they dressed, spoke, or behaved. Fear of being blamed is a significant contributor to the low rates of unreported cases.
Adults must show respectful modeling behaviors to all genders to reduce sexual assault. At National Sexual Violence Resource Center, Jenny Coleman explains the importance of speaking out if someone uses inappropriate phrases and terminology in front of minors. If you order our highly reviewed online course, The GKIS Connected Family Course, GKIS will invite you to our private parenting Facebook group in the service of child safety.
GKIS recommends taking self-defense classes to protect yourself from sexual assault. Visit Ando Mierzwa on YouTube or Threat Management on Tik Tok for free self-defense tactics used in martial arts. Furthermore, BSafe, My Safetipin, and Life360 are GPS tracking apps to provide personal safety in dangerous situations.
SPEAK out against sexual violence outside of April. The importance of sharing one’s story brings hope and awareness. For sexual assault survivors who are willing to share their stories, Boston University created an Instagram page for survivors to be heard: visit Campus Survivors. At the end of the day, the story being said is yours, and the story has the power to change the world.
Thanks to CSUCI intern, Christian Sandoval, for giving awareness and prevention of sexual assault in April. The importance of hearing someone’s story is critical, and we hope you will support the movement.
I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetKidsInternetSafe.
[1] Children and teens: Statistics. (n.d.). Retrieved March 18, 2021, from Rainn.org website: https://www.rainn.org/statistics/children-and-teens
[2] Morgan, E. R., & Oudekerk, A. B. (2019). Criminal Victimization, 2018. Bureau of Justice Statistics. Retrieved from https://www.bjs.gov/content/pub/pdf/cv18.pdf
[3] Sevenslegal. (2016, September 8). An update to California’s sexual assault laws. Retrieved March 18, 2021, from Sevenslegal.com website: https://www.sevenslegal.com/assault/update-californias-sexual-assault-laws/538/
[4] Pettis, K., & Hughes, R. (1985). Sexual Victimization of Children: A Current Perspective. Behavioral Disorders,10(2), 136-144. Retrieved March 16, 2021, from http://www.jstor.org/stable/23882265
[5] Burke, P., Stets, J., & Pirog-Good, M. (1988). Gender Identity, Self-Esteem, and Physical and Sexual Abuse in Dating Relationships. Social Psychology Quarterly,51(3), 272-285. Retrieved March 16, 2021, from http://www.jstor.org/stable/2786925
[6] Intimate Partner Sexual Violence. (n.d.). Retrieved March 18, 2021, from Rainn.org website: https://www.rainn.org/articles/intimate-partner-sexual-violence
[7] Adams-Roy, J., & Barling, J. (1998). Predicting the Decision to Confront or Report Sexual Harassment. Journal of Organizational Behavior,19(4), 329-336. Retrieved March 16, 2021, from http://www.jstor.org/stable/3100150
[8] National Sexual Violence Resource Center. (2020, April 3). Start at home: Modeling healthy behaviors keeps kids safe. Retrieved March 18, 2021, from Sexual Assault Awareness Month 2020 website: https://medium.com/sexual-assault-awareness-month-2020/start-at-home-modeling-healthy-behaviors-keeps-kids-safe-f454b929a2a0
[9] Why denim? — denim Day. (n.d.). Retrieved March 18, 2021, from Denimdayinfo.org website: https://www.denimdayinfo.org/why-denim
[10] Myths, facts, and statistics. (2018, November 7). Retrieved April 8, 2021, from Polarisproject.org website: https://polarisproject.org/myths-facts-and-statistics/
[14] Chin, K.-L., & Finckenauer, J. O. (2012). What is sex trafficking? In Selling Sex Overseas (pp. 1–33). NYU Press.
[15] Black C. M., Basile C. K., Breiding J. M., Smith G. S., Walters L. M., Merrick T. M., Chen J., & Stevens R. M. (2011). National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey 2010 Summary Report. Retrieved from https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/NISVS_Report2010-a.pdf
We know there are dangerous sites on the internet. But most of us have never accessed the dark web, where visitors are anonymous and access to the unthinkable is possible. Recently I visited and discovered that kids and teens easily access it to purchase illegal goods such as fake ids and drugs. Find out what is on the dark web, how easy it is for kids to access it, and what you can do to prevent it in today’s GKIS article. Caution: this article contains graphic descriptions of illegal activities, sex, and violence.
What is the dark web?
The dark web is the part of the internet that is not visible to regular search engines (like Google or Chrome) and requires the use of a special browser named Tor. Once Tor is downloaded and opened, you have arrived at what many call “Onionland.” Tor uses the onion router hidden service protocol, meaning that the Tor servers derived from the onion router offer users complete anonymity. Also, every website ends with .onion instead of .com, .org, or .gov.
The dark web is a criminal underworld where bad actors online sell and purchase illegal goods like drugs, weapons, counterfeit money, bank accounts, passports and ID’s, and much more. Dark web online shops are set up with customer reviews very much like Amazon which gives users the confidence to purchase from specific vendors. There is even a darker side to the dark web which consists of images and videos of gore, pornography, child sexual abuse, bestiality, and even live murder shows called red rooms where paying customers can tell the person torturing the victim what to inflict on the victim next or how they would like to see the victim killed.
Clear Web Versus Deep Web
The clear web is the part of the internet that can be accessed from any browser. It’s the smallest part of the web, which is astonishing because it seems that the content there is infinite but in actuality, it only accounts for about 4% of the content on the web. Some browsers, like Google, will censor certain websites. The search engine used by Tor, Duck Duck Go, does not censor and will not save your search history.
Then there is the deep web which is not to be confused with the dark web. The deep web is the largest part of the web. It consists of all the content that is not indexed and will not appear on regular search engines. Many government and private company websites exist there, where you would need an exact address to access them. Accessing without permission is illegal.
Is it easy to access the Dark Web?
It is very easy to access the dark web. I’ve included the steps here so you can recognize them if you ever come across these searches on your child’s browser.
To access the dark web, all you have to do is:
Purchase a VPN for extra security and anonymity (optional)
Download Tor
Access Hidden Wiki Links
Use the links on Hidden Wiki to help guide you through the dark web
Create an anonymous email
Purchase bitcoin (which is an online currency)
Find an online store through the hidden wiki that carries the products or services you are looking for
Using the hidden wiki as a guide, you can follow the steps above by merely clicking links and it will guide you through. You can easily find the hidden wiki by typing “hidden wiki” on the search bar in the Tor app.
Dark Web Dangers
Fake IDs and Drugs
So, as a GKIS intern, how do I know that teens are accessing the dark web? I became interested when high school students that I worked with all had fake IDs and were getting into L.A. clubs. I asked how they got them, and they told me from the dark web using bitcoin. They also disclosed that they illegally purchase study drugs like Adderall and Modafinil as well as club drugs like cocaine and molly. I was shocked yet intrigued, so I followed these directions on how to get onto the dark web. I couldn’t believe how easy it was to access.
When I brought up my idea about writing about the dark web at our intern meeting, Dr. B worried we’d be publishing a how-to article. But I argued, and the other interns agreed, that there are plenty of YouTube videos showing the step-by-step process of accessing the dark web. Parents need to know about this!
It is mind-boggling how dangerous access to the dark web can be. As if purchasing illegal drugs from anonymous criminal vendors isn’t enough, consider that purity is not guaranteed. Drugs like cocaine and heroin have been known to be laced with fentanyl, an extremely powerful opiate that kills even the most severe addicts. And consider the risks teens take in 21-and-older clubs. Interaction with adults on the dark web can lead to any type of exploitive situation online and offline.
Violence and Pornography
Consider what watching violence and pornographic material can do to a child’s developing brain. For some kids, watching explicit material can lead to stress symptoms characteristic of clinical disorders such as acute stress disorder and PTSD. For others, they may become desensitized to shocking online content which may lead to craving and seeking increasingly dangerous content to experience that same rush. This type of explicit material can have a similar effect as addictive drugs due to the release of dopamine and endorphins.
Dopamine helps the brain recognize incentive salience. Incentive salience is the desiring attribute that includes a motivational component to a rewarding stimulus. In other words, dopamine is released when a reward is anticipated, and it motivates us to keep seeking that anticipated reward.
When shocking material is viewed, the opiate system in our brains begins to activate by releasing endorphins. Endorphins gives a sense of euphoria and eases pain, which is what heroin does. So, more and more shocking material may be craved due to dopamine released from the anticipation of viewing the shocking stimulus – and endorphins help ease the pain that the shocking stimulus caused. Endorphins are also what causes the “runners high” that people talk about after a good amount of cardiovascular exercise. So when we experience pain, endorphins are released to help ease the pain.
Hate Groups
An extremist group discussed in the media recently, the “Proud Boys,” is a group that is known for supporting President Trump and for their extremist chauvinist beliefs. If you search for their website on Google, you will likely not be able to find it. But if you use the search engine Duck Duck Go, it shows up right at the top.
Hate groups design their content to radicalize vulnerable adults and youth to their agenda. There have been many incidences where radical Islamic groups have radicalized western youth to fight for their cause. They do this on the clear web too. But when they need to be more discreet, they can use the deep web by creating a .onion site.
Facebook and other social media sites are on the deep web and their web address is www.facebookcorewwwi.onion. It is important to talk about these issues and set rules with your kids. because if they do not learn it from you they will learn from someone else who may not have the best intentions.
Without parent management tools, like those we recommend in our GKIS Screen Safety Toolkit, kids can spend hours over months interacting with extremists. These interactions can be moved offline and can result in child and teen trafficking as well as other crimes.
How You Can Keep Your Kids Safe From the Dark Web
If your kids have open access to the internet, GetKidsInternetSafe has an entire toolkit to get safety dialed in. Check out our GKIS Course Bundle in the plus and deluxe package options, which offers all of our GKIS courses plus bonuses for families with kids of all ages. Our course bundle option offers parent and teen education, communication tools, parenting tools, and tech tool recommendations. Our course summary page with the details can be found HERE.
Thanks to Andres Thunstrom for contributing to this GKIS article. Andres has been advised to never visit the dark web again. J
I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetKidsInternetSafe.
GetKidsInternetSafe offers online courses for parents to prevent digital injury and personal coaching with Dr. Bennett for families who want personalized intervention. However, sometimes parents don’t know what can happen as the result of screen use. Kaitlin is a beloved GKIS intern who boldly offered to share her personal trauma with cyberbullying. There’s so much for us to learn here! Here is Kaitlin’s story:
When I was little, I was bullied for countless things I couldn’t control – my clothes, body, skin tone. But, I never thought that I’d be bullied for my sexual trauma. Here’s my story with preteen and teenage bullying.
When I was in middle school, social media had just begun. It was 2008, and Myspace was the popular platform most teenagers used to connect with friends … and strangers. Myspace was an interactive microblog online platform that allowed you to design your own profile, choose your own music, and share with friends. Users posted bulletins to let everyone know if you were fighting with your mom or had a turkey sandwich for dinner; oversharing was common.
My parents were relatively strict, so Myspace was out of the question in middle school. But everyone was using it, so I snuck it. One day I had a notification from an older high school boy. This actually blew my 13-year-old mind. I couldn’t believe a cute, older boy would want to be myfriend. Flattered and confused, I accepted his request. I found out later in class that a bunch of my close friends had received the same friend requests.
We were preyed upon.
I didn’t know that though; I was thirteen-years-old! A couple of months passed and one of my friends was invited to a high school party by one of the older boys. We couldn’t believe it. There was one problem though, my strict parents. So I lied and said I was going to a friend’s sleepover.
Lying to my parents about my online account was definitely my first mistake. Lying about the sleepover was my second. When we got to the almost-all-guy party, we were clearly the youngest people invited. For whatever reason, that didn’t strike us as odd. I think it was our innocent minds and deep desire to be “cool” taking over. Alcohol was abundant, and we all got very drunk. One of the high school boys kept giving me alcohol and telling me that I was the prettiest girl he had ever seen. He said that I was “very mature” for my age, and that none of the high school girls were as “cool” as me. I don’t remember much, but what I do remember is hot pain. Being taken into a room and forced to do something I didn’t understand. I was raped that night. That was the night I lost everything.
Ultimately, he was charged and got five years of probation and community service. I got lifelong trauma that I can now finally talk about. My parents offered to send me to a private school, because I had just promoted from eighth grade and would be attending the high school that my abuser had just graduated from. I was too young to realize what I would soon face, and I relentlessly fought to stay with my friends. I didn’t want to be alone.
This is actually where my story begins, when I transitioned from an eighth-grader to a freshman in high school. While the trial was happening my story spread throughout town. Somehow the story got turned around with me being a “whore” who easily “put out.”
I was bullied relentlessly by seniors who were friends with my sexual abuser. Prank callers would tell me I was “fake” and messages on Myspace told me to kill myself, that if I had any “balls” I’d do what everyone was thinking and “end it all.”
After years of therapy, great college friends, and understanding boyfriends, I have been able to recover from this horrible trauma that occurred 10 years ago. Looking back, I really wish that I’d had a closer relationship with my parents. I never told them what was happening once I was enrolled in high school, because I was embarrassed and felt like they wouldn’t understand. I didn’t understand that something could have been done about the way I was being treated.
Age prey is common.
I had no idea how common age prey was until I scrolled through Twitter and saw many similar stories to mine. Younger women are preyed upon by older men, and they can be manipulated into believing that they are loved. Knowing who your children and teenagers are talking to online is extremely important for their safety.
Communication is key.
I was not a very expressive child. I intentionally pushed my parents out, and for that I suffered terribly. The most important message I can share from my story is that building your relationship with your children is IMPORTANT. Establishing trust and boundaries must start at an early age. Allowing your children to express themselves about what is happening at school without discouragement or punishment is mandatory in order to gain trust.
Ask questions and reassure them that you are there to help and listen. Consider establishing Dr. B’s #NoTechTuesdays, so your kids develop rich nonvirtual lives and don’t become too dependent on virtual communication. And please, keep trying to maintain an active relationship even when talking gets difficult.
Along with asking about specific friends and activities, relationship-building questions include:
“How was your day at school?”
“Did anyone hurt your feelings?”
“Is there anything/anyone bothering you?”
“If anyone is being mean to you, you can always tell me.”
“Is anyone pressuring you?”
Teach your boys and girls that coercion is NOT consent.
Sexual coercion means using manipulation, pressure, alcohol, drugs, or force to have sex. It’s illegal. We’ve all heard that “no means no.” What if someone keeps pushing an intimate act and won’t give up? That is also a form of coercion. Not saying “no” is not consent. Consent is a sober and thought-out “yes” with the option to discontinue the activity at any time in the process. Educate your kids about the concept of coercion and consent. Basic sex education is not enough.
Thank you to CSUCI Intern, Kaitlin Hoover for contributing this article. Need some tips about how to offer sensible sexual education to your kids? CLICK HERE to check out our GKIS Sex Ed Series.
I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetKidsInternetSafe.
Onward to More Awesome Parenting,
Tracy S. Bennett, Ph.D.
Mom, Clinical Psychologist, CSUCI Adjunct Faculty GetKidsInternetSafe.com
Thanks to CSUCI intern, Christian Sandoval, for giving awareness and prevention of sexual assault in April. The importance of hearing someone’s story is critical, and we hope you will support the movement.
