organization

5 Back to School Tips for the Digitally Overtasked and Disorganized Parent

September 20, 2016 by Dr. Tracy Bennett

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We are back to school, mixed feelings and all. On the one hand, I’m sad about losing lazy barefoot jammy mornings and chill flip-flop afternoons. On the other hand, school brings a set schedule and less pressure to entertain bickering kids. Then there’s the fact that we didn’t get in enough after dinner neighborhood walks and forget about homemade picnics. It’s OK though, I’m so buried in permission slips and sports calendars right now I can barely squeeze in a moment for regret anyway. One thing I know, however, is taking a little bit of time out now to implement time- and stress-saving ideas is well worth it. Today’s GetKidsInternetSafe article offers parenting support and organizational strategies that will spark better efficiency and screen safety.

Organization in a busy household is like the creation of an earthquake kit, it only happens after something scares you into it. Maybe it’s the humiliation of the teacher calling you personally to pick up your forgotten child or that 5-tabbed excel spreadsheet from the volleyball coach that reveals every other parent already chose snack bar duty leaving you to choose between Halloween or Thanksgiving weekends. Whatever your inspiration, it’s time to pull it together before chaos takes you and the kids under. Here are some tips I provided to my overwhelmed clients this week. Hope it helps you feel confident in being “good enough” this week.

SORT AND DECLUTTER: OUT WITH THE OLD AND IN WITH THE NEW

I don’t know about you, but my kids can destroy a room in moments. A sure-fire solution is one hour spent sorting though the dresser and closet to toss or donate old clothes BEFORE the new ones mix in and implementing one-step solutions to laundry. For instance, last fall I bought each child a terry cloth robe to hang by the shower and laid down the law “no more towels.” Admittedly, I still find towels in their rooms on occasion when they fail to return their robes to the hook, but this easy solution has saved me two loads a week of soggy, piled up towels in corners of bedrooms.

SET TIME LIMITS, ROOM-BY-ROOM SCREEN BOUNDARIES, & YOUR GKIS COMMUNITY DOCKING STATION

If you’ve read my article about how teens are self-producing pornography, you know that closed doors, bedrooms, and bathrooms are ready sets for bad screen media choices. Also, screen use in the bedroom often results in late night use and dangerous dips in the sleep regulating hormone, melatonin. Sleep deprived kids are cranky and deprived of the rejuvenating neurological processes necessary for learning.

Implement and enforce set screen times and room rules and set up a GKIS community docking station near mom and dad for adequate nightly supervision. Free apps like Our Pact are amazing tech tools for universally turning off screen media at bedtime to support agreed-upon blackout times. No arguing, no fuss.

SET UP A SHARABLE DIGITAL FAMILY CALENDAR

Too scattered to follow your kids around reminding them of daily events? Set up a shared digital, color-coded calendar for view on their tablets and smartphones. Not only can they visit the calendar to plan their day, but you can also set up automatic reminders that banner across their screen. No more accusations of, “You never told me!”

ELIMINATE RESENTMENT WITH A SIMPLE IN-N-OUT BOX SET

No, I don’t mean double-double animal style cheeseburgers. This is about permission slips, homework due dates, and reminders delivered in a way that doesn’t tank parent-child conversations.

This week I had a tearful teen and an exasperated mom share how frustrated they were because the teen still needs reminders about piano practice and project due dates, but when mom mentions it the result is a lecturing mom, a defiant teen, and lingering resentment.

An easier way to communicate is a GKIS family organization center. If color-coded bins and Pinterest-inspired corkboards are beyond your pay grade, a simple in-out basket set will do. A note that says “Please don’t forget to show me your completed American History essay by tomorrow night 9 pm” in the inbox will be more successful without the dreaded angry spoken “tone.” And when Janie sees the note and then places it in the outbox, mom knows it was seen and acknowledged. No more waiting for that fleeting moment when you pass in the kitchen. The IN-OUT box set takes the worry off your plate and in the hands of your child, where it belongs.

CLEANSE YOUR SOCIAL MEDIA PROFILES & CHAT ABOUT IT

Are you burned out from too many emails and compulsive social media checking? Do something about it. Digitally cleanse! Take unnecessary social media apps off your phone and clean up your buddy lists. Spending time commenting on the profiles of people you never speak to is far less valuable than face-to-face time with your family and friends.

Share your reasons with your kids and engage in a discussion about the pros and cons of social media and gaming. Using it for reasonable entertainment is one thing, but if these digital tasks have become a priority, maybe it’s time to shave off less meaningful screen time. Not only will you love the extra time it brings to you, but you’ll be providing some important digital citizenship education to your kids and enrich that critical parent-child alliance.

By implementing these 5 simple tips, you will free up precious time best used connecting to happy, relaxed kids. Interested in creating a social media footprint that will be beneficial for college and employment opportunities? Stay tuned for next week’s article, The Social Media Resumè, How to Expertly Stylize Your Cyber Footprint to Attract College and Employment Opportunities.

I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetYourKidsInternetSafe.

Onward to More Awesome Parenting,

Tracy S. Bennett, Ph.D.
Mom, Clinical Psychologist, CSUCI Adjunct Faculty
GetKidsInternetSafe.com

Photo Credit

Woman and Young Girl In Kitchen With Laptop Smiling, CC BY-NC 2.0

Screen Media Guidelines for Children Ages 12-18 Years: Learning and Academics

March 14, 2016 by Dr. Tracy Bennett

Teen life is complicated! And just like adult life, it is difficult to stay in healthy balance. My GKIS teen screen media series breaks the balance into three primary areas: learning and academics, friends and fun, and rest, rejuvenation, and self-care. Maybe you hoped that as your teens gained more independence, your parenting responsibilities would decline? Think again! Parenting a teen is perhaps the most emotionally taxing phase thus far. Not only must you learn to compromise and negotiate, but teaching, modeling, and supporting complex skill building is what separates the successful teen from the unsuccessful.

Adolescents live busy lives. Along with big changes to their bodies and brains, this generation is more overtasked than ever before with academics becoming increasingly important for launch. Teens must increasingly transition from middle school to high school, class to class, activity to activity, screen to screen. In my practice, I have seen overtasking increasingly take a concerning toll on teen mental health. Outsourcing tasks to screen media helps with day-to-day activities, like using social media to maintain friendships, calendars to schedule, texting and email to communicate, the Internet to seek new information, and word processing to store and produce classroom assignments. However, they still need our help with overall organization and self care. Parents can support their success by helping teens with big picture skills by setting up, teaching, and supporting organization, project management, and study tools.

Valuable organization, learning, and education tools for any family with teens include:

A FAMILY COMMAND CENTER. In our house this revolves around the kitchen computer. Not only is this where we calendar activities that automatically synch on all of our phones, but we have a basket that serves as an inbox. This helps stage regular planning sessions and organize papers that need signed and deadlines that must be met. Scheduling and post-it notes can be completed by keyboard, others with old fashioned pen and paper. Calendar and to-do list apps include iCal, Google Calendar, Outlook, and Cozi.

SPECIFIED DOCKING STATIONS. This sounds obvious, but organization takes preplanning. Assign a filing-not-piling area for important items like screen media, backpacks, keys, and shoes. If kids get in the habit of storing items in one space, it avoids a lot of frantic searching and last-minute scolding. At night, I suggest a docking station in the parent’s bedroom for screen media devices. Otherwise, you will be unable to check for compliance and sneaking WILL happen.

STOCKPILE COLOR-CODED SCHOOL SUPPLIES. It doesn’t take long for folders to rip and paper to run low. By getting your teen’s school supplies organized from the beginning and staging backpack checks, you can help them stay organized and avoid missed assignments. Setting up folders on-screen media is also helpful for digital organization and efficiency. With the right support and materials, teens will become increasingly independent with their academics.

ONLINE CLOUD STORAGE TOOLS. Apps like Google Drive, Dropbox, and Picasa are an extremely helpful way to get organized and stay organized. I personally store all of my university materials on Dropbox so I can effortlessly pull them up for use at the beginning of class. No more heavy book bags, lost flash drives, and aching shoulders. Cloud backup services are particularly important for security. My friends at Cloudwards provided me with this comparison chart to help with smart selection.

PROJECT MANAGEMENT SYSTEMS. Apps like Evernote and Trello are excellent systems to track projects and prioritize tasks. You can even share projects so group partners and parents can see progress and help keep track of deadlines.

ONLINE EDUCATIONAL TOOLS. There are so many online educational tools being developed every day I can’t possibly offer the best and the greatest. However, longtime favorites include the Skype so kids can form study groups and share homework information, Khan Academy or Learning Bird for online lessons and homework help, iTunes University for a library of free educational resources, StudyBlue for user-created flashcards and study guides, XMind or Coggle for mind mapping and project collaboration, and Cold Turkey to block apps, websites, or even the entire Internet until your work is done. Your teen’s school will likely suggest a variety of tools at the beginning of the year to optimize parent communication and support. Set it up and use it!

Most of us learn organization and efficiency through the school of hard knocks. However, tanking your grades in high school during this learning period can have serious consequences when it comes to college opportunity. Instead of abandoning your child to digital overwhelm and long-term academic consequence, I suggest you start off the school year with a setup day for online tools and encouraging instruction. By teaching winning learning, organization, and study strategies, your teens will not only feel loved and supported with a strong parent-child alliance, but they will also start a trajectory of learning success that sets the stage for excellence. That’s a feel-good parenting job that will pay off for a lifetime.

I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetYourKidsInternetSafe.

Onward to More Awesome Parenting,

Tracy S. Bennett, Ph.D.
Mom, Clinical Psychologist, CSUCI Adjunct Faculty
GetKidsInternetSafe.com

Smartphones During Homework?

November 25, 2015 by Dr. Tracy Bennett

Are you fighting the homework wars? Wondering if screens during homework are helping or hurting grades? We can’t take screens away during homework time anymore. So much of it is online! Kids insist that tech helps them learn better. But does it? Today’s GKIS article covers who tech can help with learning and how it can interfere.

How We Learn

We have to have a good memory to earn good grades. To learn, we must encode, or anchor, that information into brain memory storage. This type of learning happens as we engage with the material over and over. Memories also encode while we sleep. Changing short-term memories into long-term memories happens through biochemical and electrical processes called consolidation.

Different types of memories store in different parts of the brain. Memorizing factual information (required to perform well on tests) primarily involves the part of the brain called the temporal cortex. Intentionally learning facts is called explicit memory.

Memorizing how to do something, like tie your shoes, is called procedural learning. It is stored in the areas of the brain that involve motor control. This kind of learning is called implicit memory.

Emotional memories (like those that occur in traumatic situations) are stored in multiple brain areas including our emotional center, the amygdala.

Research suggests that kids studying while watching TV may encode that information as procedural rather than factual data. Encoding in the wrong brain region makes fact retrieval at test time more difficult. How and where you study also makes a difference.

How to Facilitate Learning

To learn well, we must start with great brain health, get motivated, set up a good workstation, and follow best learning practices. Are you practicing these learning techniques?

Good self-care, brain health, and cognitive fitness are the foundations of learning engagement (like sleep, nutrition, exercise, and a positive mood)
A distraction-free study environment
Efforts toward mental engagement: attention and motivation
Putting the learning content in a variety of different formats (listening to a lecture, reading notes, writing notes, re-writing notes, watching videos, engaging in discussion, etc.)
Memorizing material in a variety of study environments
Making unique meaning of the material, such as generalizing and applying the concepts, especially with emotional connections
Repetition and practice
Avoid doing two tasks at once that require the same cognitive resources (don’t multitask)
Uninterrupted brain rest after each study session (mindfulness, meditation, time out in nature)

The Benefits of Screen Time for Learning

Screen devices can be amazing learning aids. Not only do they help us put the material in different formats, but they are fun and convenient to use! Here are some of the ways screen time benefits our learning.

With our screen devices, we have immediate, easy access to massive stores of information.
The biohacks built into our devices make learning fun. We are captured and motivated.
Online quizzes and testing help us immediately assess where we are with our learning.
Learning programs dish out progressively challenging content at a pace that matches our performance.
Screens give us access to others for group discussions and crowdsourcing problems.
Screens offer cool and create learning formats, like project management and brain mapping systems.
Gamifying content helps us learn and have fun!

Best Learning Strategies

1. Learn from the get-go.

Don’t waste a moment of studying. Be an active learner the minute you come into contact with the material. Actively engage with the content while you read the textbook, take notes in class, and watch the videos. Participating in class also helps deep processing of the material!

2. Learn while you format study materials.

Outline the text and rewrite and highlight your notes. Attend to and connect the main concepts. Leave out illustrative details so you have only essential material (fewer pages) to memorize.

3. Set the stage to study.

Block out sufficient study time over several days using a block-scheduling download from the Internet. Prepare yourself and your study space to optimize learning. Make sure you are comfortable and fit (fed, hydrated, rested) with a positive attitude about studying. Find a comfortable, non-distracting study location. Turn off your phone and other notifications and commit to studying only, no social media or Internet surfing.

4. Engage with content, don’t kill and drill.

For a student to learn effectively, they must engage with the content and integrate it into a meaningful framework. Students often make the mistake of mindlessly rehearsing isolated facts, thinking time spent is evidence of learning. Kill and drill is a waste of time and mind-numbingly punishing. Deeply processing information is the best way to learn.

5. Create learning pathways.

Each time we encode a fact into the hippocampal area (memory center) of our brain, we create a learning pathway to that content that can later be traveled for retrieval at test time. Increasing the number of pathways to that encoded fact is the process of effective learning.

In items 2 and 3 of this list, you already paved the initial pathways! The first pathways include when you listened to the lecture, wrote notes, read the textbook, answered the teacher’s questions, and formatted study materials.

To pave additional pathways to test content, find creative ways to further engage with and elaborate on the material while you study. The more emotionally and cognitively meaningful the material is for you, the easier it will be to learn. For example, use the Internet to view the study material in a variety of vivid formats, such as illustrative maps, diagrams, pictures, speeches, or videos. Link the information to emotionally meaningful memories or associated topics. Study from a variety of locations. Form a study group and talk with others about the content.

6. Rehearse the information and practice retrieving it and applying it just like you would at test time.

If the test is multiple-choice, make up questions that would lead to memorized facts. If the test is an essay, practice outlining and writing essays on that material.

7. Study small chunks of material at a time over several days, eventually linking the chunks together.

Don’t cram at the last minute. Your brain needs time to deeply process newly learned material. It will even process when you’re not actively studying, even in your sleep! That means it’s best to learn and rehearse chunks of material over several days. By test time, the chunks will come together for easy, A+ retrieval.

Fostering the love of learning is the best thing we can do with our kids, that means helping them learn better and achieve a healthy balance on- and off-screen. For more learning tips, view my free video, “How to Study Effectively: Metacognition in Action.”

I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetYourKidsInternetSafe.

Onward to More Awesome Parenting,

Tracy S. Bennett, Ph.D.
Mom, Clinical Psychologist, CSUCI Adjunct Faculty
GetKidsInternetSafe.com

10 Ways I Stay Lightning Efficient Despite My Very Full Life

October 8, 2014 by Dr. Tracy Bennett

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I once completed a personality test that corporate coaches use to help place their clients into “best fit” job positions. I don’t remember my whole profile, but I do remember that I wasn’t surprised to see learner and researcher on my list. Productivity is not a challenge for me, but time is! As a busy mom with three part-time jobs, I rely on good organization and efficiency skills more than the average person. Because of these strengths, a colleague asked me to write a blog article that unveils my personal efficiency strategies. I hope one or more of these help you squeeze in the work so you have more time for play!

I dedicated a back room as the playroom. This allows my kids to have a personal space for their play materials and to do their thing. This keeps them out of my hair while I’m working. We are lucky that they are BFFs and play really well together, sometimes for hours. I have consistently preached that we must “love and protect” each other, and we tolerate no aggression or name calling EVER. Of course the fight on occasion, but they prefer playing with each other to anything else and have grown to have similar skill levels at their play activities. Because they’re pretty independent and learned peace-making skills early, I get time to do my own thing often at home. This was NOT the case when I raised my oldest, who was an only child for eight years. I got little work done during that time. Ha-ha, true story. So if you are the parent of a single child, I suggest lots of play dates! Entertaining your child 24/7 with not time out to do what you want to do is not reasonable or sustainable.

I equip myself to the tools I need to work at every location. I use DropBox a ton and have a smartphone, a desktop computer home, and two laptops so I’m ready to work any spare moment. This way I can work on the same document any time I have free time and all of my computers sync effortlessly.

I color-code block scheduling on my iPhone calendar and practicing mindfulness. As you see in the lead image, I block schedule my activities throughout the day and stick to a schedule. And just like I stay committed to the present task at hand while doing work, when it’s play time I put screen media away and stay focused on friends and family. I’m a very fortunate woman to have a healthy family and thriving clinical practice. I can honestly say I love my job and my personal time. People often ask if it’s difficult to work with people in emotional pain, but what they don’t realize is I also get to see people getting better every day! Seeing people be amazing inspires me and gives me hope for the world. Love and laughter keep me balanced and fueled more than anything else, so when it’s happening I soak it in fully. #inthepresent #mindfulness.

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I hired a great coach immediately and utilized him fully. If you’re working alone, you need help! Isolation is over-rated. When I was referred to a coach when I started GKIS, I trusted my instincts and sent him my action list immediately. In turn he immediately instructed how to get each item completed. I trusted him implicitly, because somebody I respected referred him. He lived up to the hype. He gave me financially insightful, immediately applicable advice. Then, since I awkwardly mouthed off all of the time (I happen to think I’m hilarious), we became friends. His generosity didn’t stop when our coach contract did. Poor guy will never shake me. Oh ya, and I give credit when credit is due. And I do it loudly (thanks Bill O’Hanlon!)

I only watch TV after 9 pm, and then only programs recorded on my DVR. My free time is spent outdoors, with kids, reading, listening to music, or creative development. And because my computer is in the kitchen, I’m still involved with everybody even when I’m doing my own thing. Of course, I get interrupted 8,000 times an hour, but whatever. It still gets done. It helps that I have a freakish ability to concentrate with tornadoes circling me. I can’t take credit for that, it’s genetics.

I am a junky for digital folders. My apps are put in folders on my iPhone screen. Every document I write is in a folder within a folder. I am ultra-organized. I spend little time looking for things, because I file-rather-than-pile immediately after the document is finished.

I seek and trust experts. If I don’t know how to do something, I ask. I surround myself with super smart, generous people that I want to be someday. As a result, they are always there to answer questions and I, in turn, am there for them always. Plus, I make sure they know how grateful I am and host lots of appreciation lunches and happy hours. I try to make all of it fun. My work partners turn into friends. Win-win. Also, I don’t hesitate to delegate and hire help if I don’t have the ability to do it myself.

I’m not afraid to fail or look stupid. I just expect I’ll suck when I’m learning something new. Then when I’m lame at things, I’m not disappointed. I patiently keep at it assuming I’ll get better. Most the time I do. If I don’t, I hire out for it or I bail and try something else.

I prep with an action list and outline. Prep is everything. I have an ongoing GKIS action list and move items from the TO DO to the COMPLETED sections religiously. Before I started writing the book, I had a detailed outline. Before I started blogging, I had 50 titles entered into a spreadsheet. If I come across a cool website or TED talk, I catalogue the link. Creating a vision helps guide my progress and communicate with those who help me with exactly what I need. Trello is awesome for project management! Good communication is critical.

I have a husband who is a great partner. For the first ten years of our marriage I prided myself on doing too much inside the home as well as working outside the home. That was a foolish plan, because after ten years I burned out and semi-retired my cooking and child care monopoly. My husband once said, “I think we over-rode the pony in the coal mine,” and he was right. For the next several months of my domestic semi-retirement, I committed to being happy with grilled meat and bag o’ salad meals. Eventually he learned to be an equal, competent partner in all things. He is my rock. #Loveyoubaby

When someone asks me to do something, I DO IT, and I dual-purpose everything. Simply put, generosity feels good. This list, for instance, will now be a blog article. Blog articles are book material. Book material is online parenting course material. And when the head of my department at the university asks me to teach a new class, I choose a class that will feed into my other interests. In life, I believe everything is connected. In work it is too. I keep an eye on the gestalt as well as the details. And in service of generosity and gratitude, I’d like to thank my friend Marco Frezza for asking me to write this list. I recently met him at a conference and was attracted to his quiet brilliance and the love that filled his eyes when he spoke of his family. Now my ten year-old son is obsessed with his brilliant YouTubes of magic tricks. Check him out! I promise you’ll also be able to tell how amazing he is. Oh, and I’m the boss of me and rarely stop at 10.

I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetKidsInternetSafe.

Onward to More Awesome Parenting,

Tracy S. Bennett, Ph.D.
Mom, Clinical Psychologist, CSUCI Adjunct Faculty
www.GetKidsInternetSafe.com

Marco’s Magic: