mentalhealthmatters

Off the Phone and On the Soccer Field: My Cure for Digital Disconnection

November 7, 2025 by Elaha Qudratulla

Kids crave connection. Face-to-face interaction and emotional closeness are vital for healthy development—particularly for adolescents.[1] Screen time offers shallow connections and distracts kids from those unpleasant cravings. It also keeps kids so busy that they don’t seek the connection they so desperately need. What if they didn’t have to be so lonely? What if there was a way they could be off their screens, doing something good for their health, and making friends at the same time? For me, that was playing sports.

The Seed Was Planted

As a child, I was most excited to hang out with my friends, be on my phone, watch TV, or eat sweets, in that order. That was until I joined a team sport.

It all started when my mother asked me if I wanted to join the local soccer team. I was nine years old and against the idea because I didn’t want it to cut into cartoon time on the weekends, and had we gone through the Screen Safety Essentials Course, we wouldn’t have worried so much about the impact of screens on us. But she insisted. I only agreed because my favorite cousins were on the team.

I learned from the first practice that I loved the intense physical activity of soccer, and after a while, I began to really get the hang of it. I felt proud and accomplished. I made great friends on the team. We loved team bonding activities and even began to hang out outside of practice. I loved it so much, I gave it my all and looked forward to it all week.

By high school, I had won medals and genuinely felt like I was good at the sport. I received praise and encouragement for all of my efforts and hard work. It also inspired me to work hard in other aspects of my life. I tried harder in school, was friendlier with classmates, more obedient in class, and more eager to participate in the learning process. According to Project Play, high school athletes are more likely to further their education and even receive higher grades in college.[2] I started seeing everything in the world as a skill waiting to be attained, something that required courage, effort, and training.

Having that view of the world helped me when I sprained my ankle right before the start of my freshman season. While recovering, I could have easily scrolled through Snapchat and Instagram endlessly. But I wanted to make sure I continued to build the bond with my teammates for when I returned. It taught me to wait my turn, keep a positive attitude, remain patient, and support others as they shine. As soon as I recovered, my teammates were more than happy to catch me up to speed, and I rebuilt my strength.

Core Memories That Last

One of my most memorable moments taught me something I will never forget. It was my junior year; we were tied 0-0, with a minute left in the game. My team was exhausted, but as captain, I knew this is where my job was most important. I dribbled the ball up the center, dodging two midfielders and one defender, set it up for my left forward, and yelled, “SHOOT!” She shot and sent it straight into the upper right corner of the goal. Everyone who was there to support us was on their feet, our coaches were throwing their clipboards in the air and hugging each other, and our teammates ran to us for a celebratory hug and a jump around. We spent the last 15 seconds of that game with tears in our eyes and joy in our hearts. We had just beaten a 40-year record for our school!

This is when I realized this would have a lifelong impact on me. It was one of those moments that I’ll look back on happily. It was a lifetime of preparation to become someone people could rely on when things got tough and hope felt lost. It was the moment I truly understood what being a leader meant to me and the impact it had on others.

I hugged and thanked my mother for signing me up for soccer at nine years old. She introduced me to the first love of my life, and I would forever be grateful for that. From then on, I never doubted my abilities to get something done, never lost confidence in myself, and never hurt someone without apologizing or broke something without trying to replace it.

The Impact of The Beautiful Game

Project Play reports that sports, in particular, can positively impact aspects of personal development among young people, keep them away from harmful substances, and encourage cognitive, educational, and mental health benefits.[2] I believe my experience of playing soccer was so much more than just a fun sport or a way to stay active, although both are tried and true. It was a refinement of my character, it was a positive shift in how I viewed the world and myself in it, it was what taught me that rejection was just redirection, and it was a way to build and maintain connections with people I am still close to, at 27 years old.

Why Everyone Should Play Sports

Participation in sports can protect against the development of mental health disorders.[4] These benefits include lowering stress levels, rates of anxiety and depression.[5]Lifelong participation in sports leads to improved mental health outcomes and even immediate psychological benefits which continue long after participation is over with. The improve self-confidence, encourage creativity, and nurture a higher self-esteem. Statistically, adolescents who play sports are eight times more likely to be physically active at age 24.[3]

Thanks to CSUCI intern, Elaha Qudratulla, for sharing an important story about how beneficial playing sports were for her then and how it still helps her today.

I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetKidsInternetSafe.

Onward to More Awesome Parenting,

Tracy S. Bennett, Ph.D.
Mom, Clinical Psychologist, CSUCI Adjunct Faculty
GetKidsInternetSafe.com

Works Cited:

[1] https://www.uvpediatrics.com/topics/alone-together-how-smartphones-and-social-media-contribute-to-social-deprivation-in-youth

[2] https://projectplay.org/youth-sports/facts/benefits

[3] https://odphp.health.gov/sites/default/files/2020-09/YSS_Report_OnePager_2020-08-31_web.pdf

[4] https://baca.org/blog/does-playing-organized-youth-sports-have-an-impact-on-adult-mental-health/

[5] https://pce.sandiego.edu/child-development-through-sports/

Photos Cited:

[Header] Eva Wahyuni on UnSplash

[2] Olivia Hibbins on UnSplash

[3] Elaha Qudratulla

[4] Jeffrey F Lin on UnSplash

[5] Elaha Qudratulla

https://unsplash.com/

Beauty Filters Don’t Embrace Brown Beauty: The Rise of Colorism

May 4, 2022 by Ashley Salazar

How would you feel if you found out that your child is going to extreme and dangerous lengths to change their appearance? What if your child is putting themselves in potential harm to fit beauty standards set by beauty filters? Beauty filters can be a fun way to transform selfies, but they have failed to embrace the beauty of all skin tones, especially dark ones. This has led to the rise of colorism and extreme self-esteem issues. To help you recognize the dangers of social media on self-esteem, I interviewed Dr. Chavarria, CSUCI Assistant Professor of Sociology, to offer insight on how colorism affects minority communities and how to prevent it. If you are concerned for your child’s mental and physical well-being when they interact on social media, check out our Social Media Readiness Training for tweens and teens. Our guide prepares your children for safer screen use and prevents psychological illness with our expert emotional wellness tools. Today’s GKIS article shares the story of a young girl negatively affected by beauty filters and tips you can take to help protect your kids from colorism.

What are beauty filters?

Beauty filters are social media features that beautify and erase people’s imperfections and flaws by creating a modified version of themselves. Specific modifications can be anything, but the most popular filters alter the size of facial features, change eye color, and add effects like make-up or long eyelashes.[1]

The Negative Effects of Filters

Low Self-Esteem

Although filters can be fun, they can also be damaging to one’s self-esteem. Research demonstrates that the use of filters can lead to low self-esteem because filter users are more likely to hyper-focus on the features they dislike when using them. This can then lead to frequently comparing one’s real looks with filtered looks, changing our beauty “ideal” and recognizing (even obsessing on) our failure to live up to that ideal. Not being able to accomplish the same look with these filters can make someone feel less than or that they will always be below beauty standards. For others, it may motivate them to find a way to change their appearance to better match the beauty standards set by social media regardless of the risks these changes pose.[2]

The Rise of Colorism

It has been noted by many social media users that beautifying filters usually have a lightening or bleaching effect on the skin. In fact, according to skin color expert Ronald Hall, this effect is not an accident. He explains that it is a way to maintain and conform to historically Eurocentric beauty standards.

Beauty filters are promoting a rise in colorism. Colorism refers to prejudices or discrimination an individual may experience for having a darker skin tone. This phenomenon usually occurs among one’s own ethnic or racial group.[3,4]

A Young Teen Takes Drastic Measures to Change Appearance

Lise, a young teenager, shared her struggles with colorism. Her experience included being bullied for her darker skin tone. The bullying not only came from white girls at school but, to her surprise, also from those who looked similar to her in her same ethnic or racial group.

Seeing pictures of light-skinned women receive lots of likes and positive comments online also confirmed to Lise that she did not meet society’s standards of beauty, bringing her self-esteem down. To try to lighten her skin, Lise began to scrub her mom’s bleaching cream into her skin with a copper wire brush. Even without abrasion injuries, bleaching products can pose health risks.[4]

If you are concerned that your child is suffering from a digital injury like mood and anxiety disorders triggered by compare-and-despair, check out our GKIS Online Safety Red Flags For Parents. With this guide, you’ll learn the behavioral red flags to look out for that may signal your child is suffering from digital injury.

Colorism Affects Minority Communities on a Larger Scale

Colorism is an issue that not only affects self-esteem, but it has also been a problem for minority communities on a larger scale. Dr. Chavarria, CSUCI Assistant Professor of Sociology, explained in our interview that the emergence of colorism, particularly in the Latino society, has been a consequence of conquest and colonization of indigenous communities.

Colonizers constructed these ideas about indigenous communities so they would be perceived as inferior, uncivilized, having no knowledge, and being closer to evil. Whites or being light-skinned, in contrast, have historically been constructed to be perceived as better, good, and even closer to God.

This construction caused the devaluation of indigenous identity features such as brown skin, indigenous language, and ethnic practices leading to the destruction of indigenous communities. Many who managed to survive and succeed in the majority culture often did so by blending in and learning to assimilate. Ethnic roots were lost over generations, and minority communities lost a sense of pride in what they look like. Dr. Chavarria reported that research has demonstrated how individuals that align with beauty standards often get more career opportunities and higher pay.

How to Help Stop Colorism

Start with Family

Colorism needs to be stopped. A first step is addressing how colorism starts within the family. Dr. Chavarria stated that, although colorism often starts with the family, grandparents and parents are often not even aware they are engaging in it. They too have been socialized to believe these ideas about their indigenous roots and characteristics. Therefore, educating family members about what colorism is and how it can cause generational trauma can be the first important step to change.

As a Chicana who has also experienced colorism within my community and family, I recognize that change can be hard. Sometimes I didn’t know how to tell my grandmother that the “advice” she gave me was conforming to Eurocentric standards and colorism, and that it did more damage than help. For example, when family members told me that I should find a light-skinned man with colored eyes so my future children can inherit those features, they seemed to be telling me that, as a brown girl, I did not possess “beautiful” features.

Follow Body-Positive Campaigns

Dr. Chavarria also highly recommends that social media users check out campaigns directed to make positive changes. Cultural Survival on Facebook is a campaign that she tracks. It is an international organization that engages with indigenous communities across the globe. They address important issues like colorism by protecting indigenous women and challenging Eurocentric notions of beauty.

Practice Self-Awareness

If you find yourself contributing to colorism with comments and negative self-appraisals, challenge yourself for positive change.

Speak Out

As you become more self-aware, speak out to friends and post positive pro-beauty messages that demonstrate that beauty comes in many shades and colors. We must consistently challenge historical ideas to break biases and end discrimination. It starts with us, let’s get started!

Thanks to Dr. Chavarria for offering expert insight on colorism and how to prevent it. Thanks also to CSUCI intern Ashley Salazar for researching and co-authoring this article. Colorism is on a high rise due to beauty filters on social media. Check out our GKIS courses to learn to have easier dialogues with your children and protect them from digital injury.

I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetKidsInternetSafe.

Onward to More Awesome Parenting,

Tracy S. Bennett, Ph.D.
Mom, Clinical Psychologist, CSUCI Adjunct Faculty
GetKidsInternetSafe.com

Works Cited

[1]Ma, J. (2020) Are Face Filters on Instagram, Snapchat, and TikTok leading to a distorted sense of beauty in society? YP. Are face filters on Instagram, Snapchat and TikTok leading to a distorted sense of beauty in society? – YP | South China Morning Post (scmp.com)

[2] Mac Neil, I. (2021) WATCH — Why beauty filters might be messing with your self-esteem. CBC Kids News.

WATCH — Why beauty filters might be messing with your self-esteem | Video | Kids News (cbc.ca)

[3] Wang, C. (2020) Why do beauty filters make you look whiter? Popular Science.

https://www.popsci.com/story/technology/photo-filters-white-kodak-film/

[4] Ryan Mosley, T. (2021) How digital beauty filters perpetuate colorism. MIT Technology Review. https://www.technologyreview.com/2021/08/15/1031804/digital-beauty-filters-photoshop-photo-editing-colorism-racism/

[5] https://www.refinery29.com/en-gb/instagram-face-filters-dysmorphia#:~:text=She%20says%20that%20 she%2C%20 too,no%20imperfections%2C%22%20she%20explains. Have not used might use.

Photo Credits

Photo by Agarwal, Diya. https://www.flickr.com/photos/medicalhealthtips/15946735624/in/photolist-qiabVE-9H6aGv-8Lrnkk-2md9TsF-2md8Nep-5a3eXi-24qG78x-HBuwUe-2kScHdE-tPAvCu-ENxyqW-2krhzMd-2kScb6B-61zsJ-VqpLNQ-kn4YLz-2kS9Knm-w7KHtd-2kSbo8f-2kSboik-2kSgFoJ-2kSgER6-UEKxRF-2kS9KrE-2kSbopC-2kScaKS-2kScaJz-fCjuV-SXbcAJ-9KgCcQ-p57AHY-JNKLtL-tFUtpd-2mcoGCo-uRvgR-5yWPt8-9Am5c5-752fss-5oWrRc-2mcohu5-5szcJ7-2iQK6Lh-VBXddp-XonKAh-a2fEi4-7wuE7x-ouPRzz-f6xVfC-9KdK8r-H4xb4S/lightbox/

Photo by Becerra, Manny. https://unsplash.com/photos/ckXiLvOSieM

Photo by Odunsi, Oladimeji. https://unsplash.com/photos/aU_eOcelLhQ

Photo by Hryshchenko, Volodymyr. https://unsplash.com/photos/WU9dA3C4R28

GKIS Sensible Guide to a Social Media Cleanse

December 12, 2020 by Remi Ali Khan

Feeling unproductive, unmotivated, and notice that you are wasting countless hours scrolling through social media? A social media cleanse may be a great decision to improve your well-being. In this week’s GKIS article, we will provide a step-by-step guide to putting down your phone and getting that much-needed break your mental health deserves. To help your tween or teen demonstrate they have the knowledge, problem solving ability, and judgment for social media, check out our Social Media Readiness Course. It’s an online course for tweens and teens that offers information about the risks of digital injury due to social media and psychological wellness tools. With a quiz for each module, they work their way through independently so their graduation certification demonstrates mastery of content. Of course, you can take it too if you’d like. It’s like driver’s training but for the internet!

According to pewresearch.org, 70% of Americans use social media.[1] For adults, the most popular social media platforms include YouTube (73%) and Facebook (68%). In contrast, 63% of teens use Instagram, making it the most popular social media platform amongst young users ages 15-25.[2]

According to the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, 90% of teens have used social media and teens spend an average of nine hours a day on social media.[3] Participants of a research study conducted by the Pew Research Center found that 74% of Facebook users visit Facebook daily. People of varying ages spend a lot of time on social media.

We use social media to view funny memes, stay connected to friends and family, meet new people, share opinions and information, show off passions and creative pursuits, advertise businesses, and even get news. Most of us find it extremely rewarding and feel we’ve got it under control. But for others, social media can negatively impact mental health.

Risks of Social Media Use

I’m a millennial who’s been using social media for 10 years. I’ve experienced a wide range of negative effects due to my social media use, including feelings of insecurity and not being good enough, anxiety, and the big one, fear of missing out (FOMO).

For years, I followed my friends’ and Instagram influencers’ profiles and wondered why I wasn’t as happy as them or why I couldn’t travel the world and have a life of fun and excitement. I often compared myself to others on social media and it hurt my mental health. In her book, Screen Time in the Mean Time, Dr. Bennett calls that “compare and despair” and believes it is a common contributor to teen anxiety and depression.

Social media can be a toxic place, especially during these unprecedented times. It’s too easy to spend hours on Google trying to figure out if you have COVID-19 and spend another 45 minutes scrolling through Facebook comments of people arguing over politics. Feelings are high and extreme opinions are rampant. According to helpguide.org, social risks include increased feelings of isolation, depression, anxiety, and insecurity.[4]

The Benefits of a Social Media Cleanse

To get away from negativity, a social media cleanse may be the answer. The benefits of a social media detox include:

More free time for other things, like research about a favorite topic
Improved self-esteem
Improved mood
Increased mindfulness and awareness
Improved sleep quality
Helping you overcome FOMO
Reconnecting with others offline[5]

To research this article, I deleted all of my social media apps including my all-time favorite, Instagram, about a month ago. I was concerned that I was averaging too much screen time (6 hours a day), and I wanted to be more productive and connect more with my boyfriend and family.

My first week of being social media free was by far the hardest. But it became much easier after that. I often felt the urge to redownload my Instagram app, but for the most part I have been able to stay away.

The benefits of staying offline have really paid off for me. Almost immediately, I felt it was easier to fall asleep at night (since I was not on Instagram or TikTok late). I’ve also felt a reduction in stress, anxiety, and anger. Now I don’t feel the need to check my friend’s social media just to see what they’re doing all the time. Instead, I reach out directly to friends to reconnect.

I worried that if I deleted my social media accounts, I would feel more disconnected from my friends. But instead, I’ve kept in touch with them more than before my social media cleanse. Relationships and connections are important to me, and I’m glad that I’ve been able to connect in a more meaningful and sincere way. Overall, I’m happy with the results. I feel more mindful and present in my everyday life, my sleep has improved, I’ve experienced less stress and anxiety, and I have more free time to get work done and spend time reconnecting with the people I love.

Do You Need a Social Media Break?

Here are some red flags that may signal that you are ready for a social media cleanse:

You spend most of your free time on social media.
You feel like you need to share or post often.
You find it hard to focus on schoolwork or other life responsibilities.
You feel an increase in anxiety and stress after spending time on social media.
You feel more lonely, unmotivated, and less creative.
You are experiencing feelings of low self-esteem or low self-confidence.
You feel anxious without your phone.
You feel guilty or ashamed about the amount of time spent on social media.

How to Get Started

There are many ways to jump-start your social media cleanse. You can stop your phone use cold turkey, or you can delete one or two apps at a time. You can also cut down your friend list to only those you have a close, personal relationship with to cut out the less meaningful posts. Find whatever works best for you.

Here are some tips for getting started:

Deactivate or delete your social media accounts.
Delete social media apps from your phone.
Connect with family and friends in alternative ways.
Set a time limit on your phone to cut back on overall phone use.
Check your daily Screen Use and make adjustments if needed.
Set a specific “phone bedtime” before your actual bedtime (At least 3o minutes before you go to bed is recommended).
Make your bedroom a phone-free zone.
Turn your phone on “Night Mode” to decrease blue light emissions.[6]

Most importantly, remind yourself why you decided to go on a cleanse in the first place. And remember, your cleanse doesn’t have to be a permanent decision, you can always go back.

Enriching Activities to Reconnect Offline

There are endless possibilities for new enriching activities. You can practice meditation, pick up a new skill, or do that thing you’ve been meaning to do. Here are some fun ideas to reconnect with your loved ones:

Family game night
Family movie night
Cook a family dinner. Make it exciting by trying a new recipe or cooking an old family favorite.
Have a family yoga or workout session.
Practice meditation and deep breathing (alone or with family).

Using this extra time to reconnect and spend valuable time with your family is great, but it’s also important to spend time hanging out with yourself. Start by catching up on your sleep, creating a playlist, or reading a favorite book. Don’t feel pressured to constantly look for something to keep you busy unless that’s what you want to do. This is a well-deserved break. Do whatever you want with it and enjoy!

If you’re interested in learning more helpful tips about parenting in the digital age, check out the GKIS Connected Family Course. The GKIS Connected Family Course is family-tested and outcome-based and helps you close screen risk gaps and improve family cooperation and closeness.

Thanks to CSUCI intern, Remi Ali Khan for researching social media cleanses for this article.