Instagram reports 1 billion monthly active users and more than 500 million daily users.[1] Most teens use social media for more than 6 hours per day.[2] Many social media users have shifted in intention, placing the highest importance on becoming insta-famous rather than sharing information with close friends. Insta-famousrefers to a person who is well-known on Instagram, reflected by thousands of followers and likes. Teens can become consumed in this virtual competition for internet popularity, sometimes leading to a destructive pattern described in my book, Screen Time in the Mean Time: A Parenting Guide to Get Kids and Teens Internet Safe, as compare and despair.
Insta-worthy? Self-Presentation Theory and Impression Management
Many Instagram users lurk profiles, consumed by other people’s lives and perfecting their virtual selves. According toself-presentation theory, people are motivated to present themselves to show off an ideal self and please their audience.[3]
Our frontis our best-stylized image. Our backstage is our true selves. Maintaining too many fronts can be overwhelming. Being great at impression management can be the difference between social media success or failure.
Shout Out for Shout Out
A SFS (Shout out For Shout out) is a branding strategy for optimal self-presentation on Instagram. It refers to teens posting someone else’s account to theirs and vice versa. The goal is to cooperatively promote their pages so both people gain more followers.
As self-presentation trends change in pop culture, so do trends online. In 2008, graphic t-shirts were the cool thing to wear to school. In 2015, hipsters ruled the school. And in 2019, the VSCO look was in. VSCOis the name of the popular app used to create fun colorful edits.
A “VSCO girl” has beach-wavy hair, carries around a hydro flask, has a scrunchie around their wrist, and shops at thrift stores and Urban Outfitters. My 13-year-old cousin shares, “Everyone wears skirts, Doc Martens, and scrunchies now. It’s so VSCO.”
Evolution and Optimal Distinctiveness
With popular editing apps such as VSCO or FaceTune, many social media users have unrealistic expectations for how attractive they should look in posts. Humans are social beings. We work best collaboratively. Social rewards like compliments, words of appreciation, affection, or being with a friend, are major behavioral motivators for young people.[3]
Seeking social reward and trying to achieve optimal distinctiveness (being unique but still super stylish) can be traced back to our ancestors. Belonging to a community meant being socially accepted and supported by a group of others. Many times, this meant life or death.
For teens today, that means walking a razor’s edge trying to look unique while still fitting in with peers. In this impossible quest, teens may be juggling several virtual and nonvirtual selves. Being too unique or too the same invites criticism and cyberbullying.
Getting social media likes rewards the brain with dopamine, the neurotransmitter released in the pleasure center.[2] Instagram programmers know it and bake it in so they can make more money.
Social media influencers are experts at achieving optimal distinctiveness. Viewers spend a lot of time and money trying to do the same. Views and likes result in millions of dollars in profit. This biological hack of social acceptance and connection makes the brand more profitable.
Risks of Social Media
Insta-Anxiety
The constant pressure to stay up to date with trends can cause compulsive online browsing and anxiety. Most teenagers do not have jobs to maintain the lifestyle that many YouTubers do. Social anxiety and the fear of being judged by peers can be overwhelming alongside daily social obstacles that teens face like bullying, hormonal changes, and self-judgment. Instead of fun, spontaneous sharing, teens can get caught up in compulsively second-guessing their posts or avoid sharing altogether.
According to recent studies, social media use has contributed to an increasing number of cases of social anxiety disorders in adolescents.[2] Untreated, anxiety can contribute to other mental health issues including depression, eating disorders, substance abuse, and even thoughts of suicide.
Social Anxiety Disorder Symptoms include:
Lack of desire to socialize
Being withdrawn
Feeling embarrassed or a deep fear of being judged by others
Low Self-Esteem
Forty-six percent of teen girls admit that social media makes them feel bad about themselves due to unrealistic standards.[2] Self-esteem is elevated when individuals are deemed popular by others. For example, having Facebook friends who are more responsive can satisfy psychological needs above and beyond the number of Facebook friends one has.[4]
Seeking Positive Feedback
We all like to know that people find us attractive. Social media, however, can impact us in ways we aren’t even aware of. For example, a 2018 study found that when young women received likes for sexy selfies, they were more likely to post similar photos again.[3]
Lack of Privacy
Teens don’t have the prefrontal brain development to anticipate consequences and engage in high order thinking. Subsequently, teens may not think ahead, instead focusing on the instant gratification of someone liking or commenting on their post. This can cause a habit of oversharing online. Eighty percent of people who commit crimes have taken information from social media sites.[5]
Ways to Improve Your Teen’s Emotional Reliance & Achieve Better Online Safety
To avoid triggering insta-anxiety, make sure your kids are neurologically, socially, and emotionally mature enough to manage risk. Although she says it depends on the child, Dr. Bennett recommends avoiding social media until the second semester of middle school.
Experts agree that Social Media Readiness Training is critical to help kids recognize risk, know how to ask for help, and self-manage use.
Use our free Connected Family Screen Agreement to set parameters and create a screen-friendly, cooperative dialogue. Just enter your email and name on our website, and it will be delivered directly to your email.
Create a customized filtering, tracking, and monitoring toolkit with the GKIS Screen Safety Toolkit. This course also offers smart parenting strategies, like making sure you have social media login information for back-end access.
Thank you to GKIS intern, Isabel Campos for alerting us about the risks of insta-anxiety. If you learned something, please share GKIS articles and tools with friends and family!
I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetKidsInternetSafe.
[1] “Our Story.” Instagram, 26 Mar. 2019, instagram-press.com/our-story/.
[2] Granet, R. (2016, September 19). Living In Live Time: Social Media’s Impact On Girls. Retrieved from https://newyork.cbslocal.com/2016/09/19/social-media-use-teens/
[3] Bell, Beth T., Cassarly, Jennifer A., & Dunbar, Lucy. “Selfie-objectification: Self objectification and positive feedback (‘likes’) are associated with frequency of posting sexually objectifying self-images on social media.” Body Image, 26, 83–89. September 2018. https://doiorg.summit.csuci.edu/10.1016/j.bodyim.2018.06.005
[4] Burrow, A. L., & Rainone, N. (2016). How many likes did I get?: Purpose moderates links between positive social media feedback and self-esteem Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 69, 232-236 https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jesp.2016.09.005
[5] Law Enforcement, Social Media and Your Privacy: How Your Data is Used to Solve Crimes. (2018, May 16). Retrieved from https://www.nextadvisor.com/law-enforcement-social-media-and-your- privacy-how-your-data-is-used-to-solve-crimes/
Do you worry your teen has a Finsta? Based on recent surveys, most parents have a considerable concern that our kids’ digital selves aren’t making kind or safe choices. After all, experimentation, taking social risks, and creative self-expression is healthy for teens. The problem is that social media can blast innocent mistakes to thousands of people at once. Fortunately, teens aren’t stupid. They usually “get” that trust is earned. To protect themselves, they form several virtual social groups from more intimate to the public, much like they do in their nonvirtual lives. Is having a Finstagram dangerous? Or is it simply a smart caution to minimize social fallout from impulsive or questionable judgment? When a parent does uncover concerning content, is it worth the risk to confront the teen? How can a parent spot a Finsta?
Cybersecurity safety starts at home. Feel empowered to talk to your kids about what is appropriate to post online. Dr. Bennett’s Cybersecurity and Red Flags Supplement has easy to implement strategies for how to keep your kid’s information secure without the risk of them oversharing online while keeping your parent-teen relationship intact.
What is a Finstagram?
As of June 2018, Instagram reached over 1 billion active users, the highest number of bloggers in the history of the wildly popular social media app.[1] As Instagram grows and expands, so too does the pressure to create the “perfect profile,” resulting in an unspoken set of rules and expectations dictating what you can post, when you can post, and how you can post. To “keep it real,” young Instagram users often create Finstagramsor Finstas, which are fake private Instagram accounts exempt from the strict posting-rules of real Instagram profiles (Rinstas). Finstagram is a mashing of the words “fake” and “Instagram. Finstas are almost always a secondary account and only close friends are allowed to follow, thus excluding acquaintances, love interests, and the prying eyes of parents.[2]
Posts in a Finsta are usually funny and embarrassing “behind-the-scenes” photos, like awkward candid faces, silly activities, or pictures that are not deemed ‘artsy’ enough for the Rinsta. Teens use their Finsta to express more intimate thoughts and feelings. Posts are often accompanied by long-winded captions explaining daily events or opinionated ranting – like how mean and unfair parents are. In general, Finstas can be considered a form of blogging where people ditch the superficial and fake façade of Rinstagrams and post uncensored photos to only a select few followers.[3]
Because Finstas are “private,” teens can get reckless with their posting choices. Under this false sense of security, kids will post pictures of themselves and friends participating in demeaning, offensive, and sometimes even criminal behavior. Typical posts include party behavior like alcohol, e-cigarettes or vape pen use or revealing or sensual poses. Cruel commentary about fights and cyberbully-like exclusion are also typical Finsta content.
Consequences of Careless Finstagram Posting
One example of the effects of thoughtless Finsta posting is Sophie* and her family. Sophie posted a photo on her Finsta featuring herself and a friend vaping at the beach. The picture was seen by a parent and family friend of Sophie’s family, who spotted it on the Instagram feed of her daughter. The parent shared what she had seen with Sophie’s parents, knowing that if Sophie was familiar with e-cigarettes, it was likely that she was also experimenting with alcohol and other substances. Sophie’s parents were put in the complicated position of debating whether to confront Sophie about her actions or to remain silent to preserve their relationship with their daughter.
A similar story is that of Lindsay*, who posted a revealing photo of herself seductively posing in a bodysuit and holding an unlit cigarette. She posted it on her Finstagram because she knew it was a suggestive photo and did not want her parents or other adults to see it on her primary account. Unfortunately, someone brought the photo to the attention of her swim coach, whose concern for Lindsay’s action prompted her to ask to speak to Lindsay privately. Her coach expressed her disappointment over the photo and told Lindsay that “[she was] better than that.” Lindsay felt an overwhelming sense of shame and humiliation at having let down her coach, a young woman who she respected and whose opinion she valued. Not only was Lindsay devastated by the shame of her swim coach thinking less of her, but she was left wondering who betrayed her. The remainder of her swim season was spent scrutinizing each of her teammates and guessing at who might have ratted her out.
In both of these scenarios, the adults chose to confront the kids out of concern for their safety and potential future consequences, including professional relationships with employers, advisors, and coaches. Also, in each case, the discovery of the Finsta posts compromised the trust between adult and child. The truth is, the consequences could have been far worse.
The Dilemma Parents Face
Parenting teens is tough. It’s too easy to get caught up in emotional swings and crises, resulting in worried and freaked out parents and angry teens. Choosing which hill to die on can be confusing. Here are some issues to think about when deciding whether to confront your teen about unwise Finsta posts.
Humiliating your child. Although teenagers like to act aloof and indifferent, the truth is that they crave the approval of prominent adults in their lives. No parent wants to humiliate their child, but sometimes facing the disappointment of respected mentors is the most effective way to get teens to quit their Finsta-ing ways.
Dealing with punishment.There are times when the hassle of creating a punishment worthy of the crime seems like more work than it is worth. Do you ground them, or let them off with just a warning? Do you take their phone away, or do you also go through it to see what other activities they are keeping secret? And then there’s the fear that you might see something worse than the initial incriminating photo. Consequences are necessary to teach a lesson but don’t compromise your own sanity in the process. A compassionate conversation is probably enough for first-time and understandable slips. Remember, they are supposed to be making mistakes in order to learn.
Inadvertently causing your child to be even more sneaky Kids who have been caught posting risky Finsta photos in the past may take greater measures to make sure they are not caught again. Firm and effective confrontation can help foster a sense of trust between adults and kids, while angry scolding will only push them farther away.
How to Spot a Finsta
Ask your child. In the two stories above, the main cause of the lack of trust after the discovery of a Finsta resulted not from the uncovering of the secret account, but from the seemingly sneaky way the adults came across it. No one likes to feel like they are being spied on, and kids are more likely to try harder to keep secrets if they feel like their parents are constantly sleuthing their social media. By asking your kid face-to-face if they have any other Instagram accounts, you give them the chance to tell the truth, show you trust them, and create the opportunity to better get to know your child.
Check tagged photos. Instagram has a feature where you can look at all the photos someone has been tagged in on their profile. Scroll to see all photos your child was tagged in.
Look for silly Instagram handles. Finstagram account handles are usually nicknames or an inside joke. If you recognize a nickname in the account name as something your child has referred to, it might be their Finsta.
Let’s face it: in a world where we are constantly surrounded and exposed to technology, there is no way to truly prevent kids from being active on social media. All we can do as parents is educate ourselves on the consequences and potential dangers of reckless Finsta posting and steer our kids in the right direction. Thanks to Claire Therriault for teaching us all about Finstagrams. To learn more about safe Instagramming, check out The GKIS Sensible Parent’s Guide to Instagram.
I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetKidsInternetSafe.
