Scams can cause extreme financial and emotional distress to victims and their families. With technology, scammers have become more creative in accessing their victims by offering quick clicks and false credibility. Even young teens that navigate effortlessly online have a hard time distinguishing legitimate situations from scams. To help you and your family avoid becoming the victims of a scammer, I interviewed “William”* who shared his mother’s story. She was an educated professional that fell victim to multiple scams over five years. You won’t want to miss the true story about what happened to her. If your family hasn’t taken steps for increased awareness and cybersecurity, you’ll want to check out our Cybersecurity & Red Flags supplement. The perfect compliment to our free Connected Family Agreement, you can take the extra steps you need to protect your loved ones right now. Our guide offers tips to avoid hacking, scamming, malware, and phishing and is a must-have for today’s modern family. Today’s GKIS article shares the story of an elderly woman victimized by scammers, the types of scams to look out for, and tips on how to avoid becoming a victim yourself.[1]
*Names were changed to protect the privacy of the victims.
What are scams?
A scam is a dishonest scheme to cheat someone or steal money. With the help of technology, scammers have been able to target their victims in more creative, easier, and faster ways than ever before. According to an FBI report, 2020 scams resulted in a loss of over 4.2 billion dollars. With more baby boomers retiring and the pandemic resulting in more at-hone isolation, I suspect those losses rose in the last few years.[1,2]
Who Scammers Target
Although anyone can become a scam victim, research has shown that scammers tend to target kids, teens, and the elderly. A study conducted by the University of Iowa confirmed that a certain area of the prefrontal cortex of the brain is responsible for processing information and solving problems – tasks that help people consider whether information is true or not. Young people tend to be vulnerable to scams because this part of the brain is still developing, and older individuals are vulnerable when they demonstrate poor technological fluency, are isolated, or suffer from a decline in problem solving ability.[3]
The Story of William and His Mom
William is a middle-aged man who generously shared his story with us about his elderly mother, Mrs. Thorn, who was scammed out of tens of thousands of dollars over a five-year period. Despite his best efforts to protect and rescue her from the scammers, he struggled to keep her safe. Once one scammer got ahold of her and convinced her to send money, many other scammers started approaching her too. William suspects that the scams were somehow linked as if they shared her information with others. Below are some of the scams she fell victim to.
Different Types of Scams
Charity Scams
William described his mother as a generous individual. She was a nurse in Japan during the 1950s, and, after she retired, she continued helping others by volunteering at church and other organizations. As she got older, she would receive postcards in the mail from different charities, a common scam targeted at elders. Although her income from social security and savings was not a lot, she began “donating” money to those she perceived as less fortunate than herself.
Piecing together what happened with his mom’s checking and bank documents, William found that she initially sent small amounts of money ranging from $5-10. Once the scammers had her on the hook, however, they would groom her for larger and larger “charitable” donations.[4]
Lottery/Sweepstakes Scams
Another scam that William’s mother fell victim to was the lottery/sweepstakes scam, which also commonly targets elders. These types of scams claim that the victim has won a large amount of money or other prizes such as a new car. Once the victim is excited and eager to collect their prize, scammers require that they pay a fee or taxes. As the scammer reaches out with details, the victim often adopts an illusion of intimacy, meaning they feel they have a personal, caring relationship with the scammer. This false intimacy pulls the victim in deeper, often eliciting more and more personal information from the victim.
William confirmed that Mrs. Thorn spoke to the scammers about his efforts to block their access and protect her safety. Mrs. Thorn’s scammers not only instructed her not to tell anyone because it could be a nice surprise for her family, but they also offered specific suggestions on how to work around the safeguards her son put in place. They seemed to play on her wishes for independence and worked to create and escalate conflict between her and her son.
Our GKIS Connected Family Course can help you close screen risk gaps and improve family cooperation and closeness. If you have school-age children at home or love somebody who does, check it out. Not only does the course offer amazing safety home setup tips, but it helps parents create fun dialogues for better, healthier parent-child relationships.[4]
Government Impersonation Scams
William noticed that some of the scams his mom was involved with may be linked with others. For instance, to pay the taxes of her “prize,” the scammer would set Mrs. Thorn up to talk to an “IRS agent.” These types of scams are known as government impersonation scams which are types of very popular imposter scams. According to the FBI, government impersonation scams typically involve the scammer impersonating a government official who threatens to arrest or prosecute victims unless they pay a fee. William shared that they even tried to trick him with false threats of prosecution and arrest unless he agreed to cooperate.
Dr. Bennett shared that immigrants can easily be targeted with this type of scam as well. She shared a story of a colleague who was a Chinese immigrant who worked as a software engineer. This victim’s scammer posed as a member of the Chinese government and threatened the safety of her family if she didn’t pay overdue fines. The scammer demanded that she not tell her friends and family and immediately pay. She lost over $150,000 that was never recovered before she realized she’d been scammed.[4]
Phone Scams
William explains that although his mother’s scams initially started by mail, they soon turned into phone calls. He allowed me access to his mother’s journal which included notes on the people she spoke to and what they had asked her to do. Her notes reveal that she would talk to the same people over and over and eventually trusted them more than her own family and friends. The scammers were very persuasive and would instruct her how to wire funds to unfamiliar places and people, even going so far as giving her directions to wiring locations that her son had not blocked yet. William spent countless hours visiting banks, local wiring locations, and friends begging them to not help his mom transfer money or provide transportation. Although he spoke to his mom many times, he found that the scammers would get to her anyway with relentless pressure and creative arguments.
Scammers have no limits.
It was not until William caught his mom almost wire transferring $200,000 that he finally got the information he needed to gain conservatorship over Mrs. Thorn. By then, the scammers had even instructed her to how to send money from q reverse mortgage loan on her home to complete the transaction!
William said the scammers had no shame and would even help her find ways to continue participating in the scams even after he took steps to stop them. He shared that they would pressure her with false deadlines and threats, making her so anxious that she would rush into performing workaround instructions. Her journal reflects moments of intense anxiety as she tried to complete the complex transactions.
To emphasize how far scammers would go, he shared that, after he lowered his mom’s allowance to $25 a week and there was not much to get from her anymore, they still tried one last thing – the 976 phone scam. According to William, this is a scam where you call back a number with an area code of 976 and get charged a huge per-minute fee. The longer the scammer keeps the victim on the phone confused and anxious, the more money the scammer gets.
Avoid Being Next
William shared that his mom was scammed out of about $70,000 before it stopped. If it was not for her son’s compassionate and tireless commitment to protect her, it could have been far more. Other popular scams include shopping scams and job opportunity scams. If you are worried that bad actors can access your family members, check out our Screen Safety Toolkit. Our resource guide is perfect for those that need smart tech tools for filtering, monitoring, and management.
Tips to Outsmart the Scammers
Contact your phone carrier and internet service provider to research helpful tools for blocking unwanted and unknown calls, texts, and emails.
Remember, if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.
Don’t act immediately, take a moment to research the situation and talk to someone who you trust.
Don’t give out personal information like your name, date of birth, social security number, address, or usernames or passwords. Legitimate organizations will not text, call, or email you to obtain private information.
Don’t complete forms from an email link. Instead, go directly to the website of the company you are dealing with and complete the business from there.
Call the company directly to confirm the request was legitimate before you offer information or complete forms. The IRS communicates through US mail, not by telephone or email. Call 800-366-4484 to report IRS-related phishing attempts and fraud.
Be sure to keep up with device updates for security patches, delete unused and unwanted apps, and change your passwords frequently.
Review your credit card statements regularly to catch unauthorized charges and periodically review your credit report.
Consider freezing your social security number for new financial transactions with Experian, Equifax, and TransUnion to escape identity theft.
Lastly, Google “scams” or a quote from any communication that may be a scam to learn more about the common scams that may target you.
Scams are no joke. Once you become a victim, serious damage can occur that can take years and years to repair. Check out our other GKIS article Child Identity Theft is on the Rise. Protect Your Family Against Cybercrime, to learn more about how fraudulent purchases made with your private information can change your life
Here are some other related articles offered on our GKIS website for more information on hacking, scamming, malware, and phishing. Learn more about the dangers of online to be prepared for anything that comes your way.
Now that I’m an “older” working mom, I love to share offline and online organization hacks and efficiency grabs that have saved me through the years. These organizational techniques were the difference between frazzled and peaceful at our house. With the overtasked lives we lead, most of us are guilty of brain fades and frantic searches while yelling and scolding overwhelmed kids. Even if you set up only one or two of these ideas, it may be the difference between fun family mornings versus a school day launched with tears and resentment.
Unclutter study spaces by setting up customized, distraction-free workspaces in niches and corners for each kid.
Kids in my practice often complain that the kitchen table is too distracting to get homework done quickly and neatly. The psychological research agrees. Studies reveal that fractured attention leads to irritability, wasted time, and poor grades. To optimize learning, set up a quiet corner office for each child. All it takes is a willingness and clever organization ideas and fresh accessories. Check out my GKIS Connected Family Online Course for a detailed blueprint for creating award-winning maker spaces with awesome Pinterest DIY ideas. A customized works station is a compelling magnet to get your kids creating in 3-dimensional space as a complement to screen learning. Ergonomic, body-healthy setups in the place of slouching on beds and couches avoid repetitive stress injuries to the neck, back, wrists, and hands.
Avoid missed soccer practices and study deadlines by setting up a digital family calendar.
Family schedules are chaos! Streamline communication and scheduling by color-coding child activities and setting up Family Share on Apple’s Family Calendar, Google’s Calendar, or Microsoft’s Outlook. Each member can share calendared activities and set up automatic reminders. Shared organization at a glance!
Just as you throw out old clothes your kids have grown out of, it’s also important to declutter digital spaces.
Schedule a fresh-start fall family meeting where everybody gathers with their mobile screen devices to trash apps and games they have grown out of.
Revisit (or grab) your free GKIS Connected Family Screen Agreement at GetKidsInternetSafe.com. This will help you set sensible rules like a digital curfew and create screen-free zones – including bedrooms and bathrooms.
Finally, teach cybersecurity measures from my Cybersecurity Red Flags Supplement. New this fall, you and your family members can tweak bad habits so don’t fall victim to bad actors online.
Cleanse social media profiles with an eye toward future reputation.
If your tween or teen is on social media already, you know the time-suck risks during school time. Help them sort out the necessary from the unnecessary by helping them avoid the bio-hack elements designed to capture their attention.
Consider limiting teens to only one or two social media apps to decrease wasted time due to mindless browsing and compulsive checking.
Insist that apps with visual notifications be on the second swipe screen on smartphones. That way they won’t get distracted by little red notifications and, instead, can batch their check-in times as research suggests is best.
And finally, delete old posted photos and unnecessary personal information from social media history. Sharing real-time with friends on a private profile is fun, but do you really want somebody lurking through your past photo-by-photo? Point out that other parents, relatives, teachers, coaches, future employers, and even college app administrators may be forming impressions based on your digital footprint. So instead of having an online resume populated by off-color jokes and sexualized photos, create a flattering stream of artistic works, philanthropic activities, sports activities, and fun friend and family time. A progressive, balanced, healthy life looks beautiful online – and may help you get a college placement or dream job instead of hinder it!
Reboot your Screen Safety Toolkit.
Each developmental stage offers unique online safety challenges. For example, little kids are best accommodated in a walled digital garden like YouTube Kids, and older kids need a little more digital space to explore and create. To parent well in the digital age, you need specially-selected free and third-party software tools to help you filter and block inappropriate content, set time-limits, monitor online activity use, remotely pause or offer rewards, and even locate and track the driving activities of your teen. If you get overwhelmed or need help figuring it all out, check out my GKIS Screen Safety Toolkit for tips, product recommendations, links to ISP and social media app safety guides, and free digital learning tools for best academic performance.
There you have it! Five quick and easy parenting hacks that will launch the school year with fun and success. Just as I recommend shoes live by the front door so you are not always searching, digital folders and organization tools will keep you dialed-in in your virtual life. Most importantly, set a peaceful intention with a six-second exhale for positivity and fun each morning before you enter the family’s living space. Parents must actively define the heart of the home. If we start the morning with a smile and warmth, our kids emotionally synch and return the joy. Soak in every chaotic and blissful moment!
I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetKidsInternetSafe.
Also, if you are a local Southern Californian and need a little TLC to get started on your screen safety/fun parenting plan, join me for a morning of pampering and friendship.
As a woman, a mother, and a psychologist who treats teens and teaches about addiction and eating disorders, I am profoundly aware of how our media-saturated sexualized world is affecting our kids and teens. From print ads to television to Internet browsing and social media, kids are bombarded with a range of sexualized images and videos that pose real danger to healthy emotional development. The question many parents ask me is “how big of an impact does sexualized media images have on kids?”
Research regarding impact remains unclear and controversial. However, it is clear that parents have a reason to be concerned. In graduate school I watched Jean Kilbourne’s groundbreaking Killing Us Softly series and learned how women’s bodies are objectified in ads. How marketers choose images of vacant-eyed models in need of a roast beef sandwich with extra mayo (and an IQ) posed in powerless positions, body parts lit, made up, and digitally manipulated to achieve an inaccessible fantasy. These images exploit sexuality for profit and strongly impact how we view others and ourselves. As empowered women, we want to be both intelligent and sexy, not somebody’s mindless object.
My proudest work has been mentoring young women to empower themselves and helping young men become insightful, strong partners. This blog is about our responsibility as parents to keep our children emotionally safe, which translates to educating, protecting, and supporting them along the way rather than abandoning them to be exposed to material they are not ready for or that is violent or frightening.
Keeping our kids safe sounds like an easy concept. And it kind of was when our homes provided sanctuary from dangerous others. But now with the Internet and sophisticated hand held devices, dangerous others can be seen and can view and converse with us at the click of a button. The sheer exposure from hours of daily screen time has more impact than ever. The Internet is a portal to real risk. There is no longer a doubt that this generation of children is viewing more explicit sexualized material at greater frequency than any generation before. Raising a child to 20 years old and still having two younger ones at home provides shocking illustration to us! Pretending this is not happening is not a solution. It is our obligation as parents to tackle the issue on several fronts.
CONNECTING with your kids to provide ongoing education through factual, honest dialogue and a fun, trusting relationship,
FILTERING unsafe material from reaching your kids in the first place, and
PROTECTING your awesome, hard-earned connection and filtering throughout their development by transparently and consistently employing a safe and informed strategy that allows Internet exposure in responsible ways at the appropriate developmental stages.
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Let’s start the CONNECTION phase with a factual discussion about sex education. Parents get particularly fearful about how to manage sex education. They ask me: when should I start? What should I say? How much should I tell them? This is particularly challenging because as a society, we are chronically conflicted about female sexuality and power. With the simultaneous purity of youth and the seductiveness of Lolita, it is sometimes frightening to know how to talk to our daughters about their sexuality and its effect on others. And frankly we are not much better with our sons. How we can best lead them to healthy maturity?
In regard to formal sexual education, schools vary tremendously on what they teach, and some teach absolutely nothing at all! You may be shocked to know, for example, that only 19 states require sexual education that is medically and technically accurate. Teacher’s hands are tied; parents must provide the formal education (NCSL, par. 4).
Beyond school intervention, how do our kids get information outside the home about sexuality? The Internet.
87.5% of Americans under the age of 25 years old have access to the Internet (US Census Bureau 11).
And news for the naïve, a 2006 college survey of 563 students revealed that 93% reported exposure to Internet pornography before the age of 18, with the first exposure being on average 14 years old (Sabina, Wolak, Finkelhor 2).
That means kids are being exposed to factual information that may be helpful, but also sexual images and video that will leave them with powerful emotions including excitement, embarrassment, disgust, shock, surprise, guilt, or shame (Sabina, Wolak, Finkelhor 3). These feelings can lay an emotional foundation that could shape them in unwanted ways for years to come.
HOW DANGEROUS IS IT FOR MY CHILD TO VIEW PORNOGRAPHY?
Unfortunately, as a treating clinician I have insider information that clearly demonstrates that viewing pornography can be dangerous on many levels. In my experience, this very real risk is reaching epidemic proportions and, despite being a passionate advocate about the resiliency of kids. I’m worried about how this dynamic is affecting the future generations.
In order to inform you in a factual way, I dug deep at the university library on this topic. Because triple-A Internet use (accessible, affordable, anonymous) is a relatively new phenomenon, research is in its infancy on this topic. However, in the upcoming weeks I will cover specific findings about what we do know and how to avoid the following effects from child/teen viewing of Internet pornography:
Self-identity
Relationship with one’s body
Relationship with one’s brain & ability
Emotional well being & safety
Relationship with the other gender
Relationship with intimate partners
Relationship with the community
I will make a deliberate effort to discuss Internet safety in a credible and balanced way. However, when it comes to viewing explicit material prior to sexual maturity, there is no way to think about this without valid alarm. This is a topic that screams for in-home, immediate intervention that starts with supervision and calm, supportive dialogue. Not only must parents filter inappropriate content from young children, but they must also acknowledge that older children will be exposed to this content and must have the education and resources to deal with it before and when they do. GetKidsInternetSafe.com was created to help.
This week I invite you to assess two things: your child’s current Internet access and your feelings about pornography and how you would begin to educate your children about its role in society.
It’s important to be calmly aware of your opinions about Internet pornography BEFORE you approach your child with an age-appropriate, non-shaming discussion. Start by being thoughtful about your own feelings and opinions now.
In the next blog, I will give you specific ideas about how you can broach the topic of sexuality with your child in a way that’s developmentally appropriate. The goal is to empower them! Avoid shame and fear.
As I was writing this, my twelve year-old daughter wandered into the kitchen to ask what I was writing about. I told her I was concerned about the sexualized images young girls are exposed to in the media, and I asked her how she thinks it is affecting her. She responded, “It makes me want to better than that. To be stronger.” And then she flounced back out of the kitchen. Haha! That’s my girl!
Share your concerns and special knowledge and don’t forget to forward GetKidsInternetSafe.com to friends and family. I’d also love to hear from you on the social media links below!
I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetYourKidsInternetSafe.
Jean Kilbourne tells us the Internet is a powerful vehicle for dehumanizing women in this Killing Us Softly trailer
Works Cited
“Computer and Internet Use in the United States.” United States Census Bureau, May 2013. Web.
Sabina, Chiara, Janis Wolak, and David Finkelhor. “The Nature and Dynamic of Internet Pornography Exposure for Youth.” Cyber Psychology and Behavior (2008): n. pag. Web.
“State Policies on Sex Education in Schools.” State Policies on Sex Education in Schools. National Conference of State Legislators, 14 Feb. 2014. Web. 20 Mar. 2014.
