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Is Your Child Falling in Love with a Bot?

Online entertainment is getting more and more advanced. We’ve come up with just about anything from video games to robots. But the one thing you may not yet know about is the fact that more kids are spending time with online robots instead of their human friends. In today’s GKIS article, we’re doing a deep dive into Character.AI, a popular website that lets subscribers virtually date a robot. We’ll go over how it’s being used, the dangers of it, and our thoughts on the site. Before letting your child use just any new and popular app, we recommend our Screen Safety Essentials Course for info on how to navigate the internet safely for the whole family. 

Artificial Intelligence and Bots

Before we dive deep into the world of C.AI, we’ll want to go over some key terms.

  • Artificial Intelligence refers to the capability of computer systems or algorithms to imitate intelligent human behavior.[1]
  • A bot is a computer program or character (as in a game) designed to mimic the actions of a person.[2] A bot is a form of artificial intelligence.
  • NSFW refers to “not safe (or suitable) for work.” NSFW is used to warn someone that a website, image, message, etc., is not suitable for viewing at most places of employment.[3

What is C.AI?

Character.AI is a website made by Noam Shazeer and Daniel De Freitas that allows users to chat with bots. The C.AI website launched in September 2022, and the app was released in May 2023. In its first week of being launched, the app got 1.7 million downloads. [4]

C.AI uses artificial intelligence to let you create characters and talk to them. You can create original characters, base yours off a character from a TV show or movie, or base your character off a real person.

C.AI became popular when teens started showing their conversations with the C.AI bots on TikTok. Many teens showed romantic and sensual conversations they had with their bots. Week after week, teens all over the world began to fall in love with their new artificial friends. 

How Teens Are Using C.AI

Users create a free account, and then choose from a list of characters to talk to or make their own. Users can talk about whatever they want with the bot, and it will reply with human-like responses. Pre-made characters have their own set personality that users cannot change. 

To make their own custom bot, users choose a name for their character and then upload an image to give the bot a ‘face.’ Users can talk with the bot about any topic. When the bot responds, users rate the bot’s responses with 1-5 stars. After some time, the bot will use the user’s ratings to figure out what personality they want it to have.

Users can make their bots private only for them or public for anyone to use. However, all chats between a person and a bot are private.

The Dangerous Side of C.AI 

Using these bots may seem like a fun idea for kids, but there are a lot of risks that come with them.

Data Storage

A major risk is that C.AI stores the information and texts you share with the character bots.

C.AI claims that no real person reads this information. However, this is still dangerous for privacy reasons. If the website or app were hacked, hackers can do whatever they want with users’ information. This puts all users at major risk when using the site.

No Age Verification and Exposing Minors to NSFW Content 

C.AI encourages its users to be 13 years old or older, but there is no age verification within the site or app.[5] This means users can lie about their age to use C.AI.

C.AI claims to not allow sexual conversation between users and bots, but users can bypass this. Users can misspell certain words or add extra spaces to words to bypass the NSFW filter. The bot knows what word you’re trying to say, so it will reply with NSFW responses. Users can have detailed sexual conversations with the bots. The dangerous part of this is that many of C.AI’s users are minors.

Effects on Children’s Relationships 

Users can speak romantically with the bots, and the bots will respond with romantic messages. The more kids use these bots, the higher chance they have of becoming dependent on them. Children’s brains are impressionable, and they absorb information quickly. Some kids may prefer to engage in these fake relationships instead of relationships with real people.

Using these bots could also create social anxiety. Users know what to expect when talking with a bot since the bot’s personality is pre-set. However, real people in the outside world are unpredictable. The uncertainty of real conversations could make users shy, anxious, and avoidant, especially if they replace real-life challenging practices with safe and easy online practices.

Other risks include: 

  • Disappointment in real-life relationships with others
  • Depression
  • Isolation
  • Loss of social skills 

GKIS Thoughts On C.AI 

GKIS rates C.AI as a red-light website. This means it is not recommended for children under the age of 18 to use. We came to this conclusion because it lacks age verification and exposes minors to NSFW content. However, it could be slightly safer if parents monitor their children’s interactions with the bots. If you’re worried about what other dangerous sites your child may be visiting, consider checking out our article on red-light websites. 

GKIS encourages parents to talk to their children about what topics are safe to discuss if they use C.AI. Before making a decision to use the site, we recommend checking out the GKIS Social Media Readiness Training course. It helps teens and tweens learn the red flags of social media and teaches them valuable psychological wellness skills.

Thanks to CSUCI intern Samantha Sanchez for researching Character.AI and preparing this article.

I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetKidsInternetSafe.

Onward to More Awesome Parenting,

Dr. Tracy S. Bennett, Ph.D.
Mom, Clinical Psychologist, CSUCI Adjunct Faculty
GetKidsInternetSafe.com 

Works Cited 

[1] Artificial Intelligence – Merriam Webster

[2] Bot – Merriam Webster  

[3] NSFW – Merriam-Webster   

[4] Character.AI 

[5] C.AI Age Requirement  

Photo Credits 

Pete Linforth via Pixabay https://pixabay.com/illustrations/connection-love-modern-kiss-human-4848255/   

Samantha Sanchez (Image #2)

Adrian Swancar via Unsplash https://unsplash.com/photos/JXXdS4gbCTI

Is Pandemic Isolation Destroying Our Social Skills?

I joined Kate Cagle with Spectrum 1 News the other day to talk about what I’ve been seeing and hearing from clients.

Here are some of the things I think are impacting us now that we are getting out:

People haven’t had conversation and relationship practice because of social isolation, and they are a bit rusty.

Kids, teens, and adults in my practice admit that their social anxiety has spiked since they’ve been isolated so long. Plus, many of us are so eager to get out we’re acting a bit unhinged, as if we don’t get everything out now it might be taken away from us again.

All of that social media posting, chat room commenting, and gaming chat behaviors have spilled into our face-to-face lives.

When we are online, we mostly post at people instead of with people. That means that we can take our time to respond or even not respond at all. Also, we don’t have to invite our friends to participate – it’s just assumed they will. These habits are very different from healthy social skills. We’ve seen online skills spill into real life before. For example, I wrote in my book Screen Time in the Mean Time my belief that the role playing and skin-changing on social media and in video games impacted cosplay and identity experimentation for teens in real life. It makes sense that, in that same way, adults are starting to talk like we post. In real life, that looks like an announcement of a series of black-and-white opinions rather than a curious, interactive conversation.

With scary news and questionable data (which we’ve had a lot of in the past year), people tend to look to the loudest voice in the room – that’s usually that person who is aggressively defending an extreme opinion. Not a great setup for a friendly, gracious exchange of ideas.

For too many of us, unhealthy coping mechanisms for stress have snuck in like too much drinking and addiction to conspiracy theories. Neither of these work well in healthy relationships.

Finally, with all of us on Zoom and wearing masks we are missing out on nonverbal cues that help us put the brakes on!

 

What can we do to get back on track with our social skills?

Before you go out, set a deliberate intention to ask “What do you think?” and commit to taking turns with conversation.

Have some friendly topics prepared to talk about, and stay away from controversial topics like politics and religion!

Give yourself and others some grace as we gradually settle back in to our old “normal.” If we’ve ever needed a time for kindness and patiences, it’s now!

I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetKidsInternetSafe.

Onward to More Awesome Parenting,

Tracy S. Bennett, Ph. D.
Mom, Clinical Psychologist, CSUCI Adjunct Faculty
GetKidsInternetSafe

Teen Dating Apps

Meeting people online can be fun and exciting, especially for teens. However, there are risks. If you want to prepare your child for these risks, check out the GKIS Social Media Readiness Course. You may have heard of popular adult dating apps like Tinder or Bumble. In this GKIS article, we cover 5 dating apps that are popularly used by teens that you probably have never heard of. 

Yubo

Yubo is a location-based social networking app advertised for making new friends, but many people describe it as a dating app for teens. 

This app contains many features such as:

  • Stream: share live stream videos with friends.
  • Chat:  chat with friends and other app users.
  • Swipe: discover new friends nearby or around the world. 
  • Find a community: connect with people who have the same interests by finding a community. The online communities range from art and sports to LGBTQ+. 
  • Play: play games with friends like Q&A, Would You Rather and Let Them Guess.

Yubo’s age rating is 17+, but there is no age verification for this app, meaning any teen can use it and lie about their birthday.

Teendr

Teendr is marketed as a dating app for teens. On this app, users can meet and chat with new friends nearby based on their common interests like music, games, and more. 

This app contains:

  • Unlimited swipe: swipe right to meet new people or left to ignore. 
  • Search nearby: discover matches based on location.
  • Game & music sharing: meet people based on their gaming and music preferences, which they can share on the app.

Teendr is also rated 17+, with no age verification.

Spotafriend

Spotafriend is an app designed for teens to meet new people in their proximity. On the app store, it is described as “not a teen dating app,” but that’s what many teens are using it for. 

Spotafriend includes:

  • Swipe: swipe right to become friends with someone. 
  • Chat: chat privately when you get a match.

Spotafriend is rated 17+, but it is designed for ages 13-19.

 The Game by Hot or Not

The Game by Hot or Not is another app that allows teens to meet people in their area. It is marketed as an app to find the ‘hottest’ people nearby.

This app includes:

  • Ratings: rate each other’s attractiveness by tapping a heart on your profiles. 
  • Direct messages: Users who match (by liking each other’s profiles) can exchange messages.
  • Location services: find people in your proximity. 

Age: Hot or Not was originally rated 17+, but is now 18+ with no age verification.

 Skout

Skout is a social networking app that allows its users to meet people nearby or around the world.

The app features:

  • Preference and location: connect with people based on preferences and proximity. 
  • Live broadcasting: broadcast live videos on the app and watch other’s videos.
  • Chat and upload photos: send direct messages, share photos, and like/comment on other users’ photos.
  • Promote: Skout claims to have in-app features that increase your chances of finding new people and chatting.

Skout is rated 17+, but only people 18+ are allowed to join. Again, there is no age verification.

Meeting and flirting with people online can be exciting and fun, but it can also come with risks.

Catfishing and Online Grooming

Not everyone on the internet is who they say they are. Some people make fake profiles to deceive other users, which is called catfishing. On dating apps and social media, your teen can get exposed to sexual predators who use catfishing and grooming techniques to gain their trust. 

Sexting

Oftentimes, teens exchange their phone numbers and Snapchat usernames when they connect with others online. This can easily lead to sending sexual messages and photos. According to Guardchild:

  • 20% of teens have sent or posted semi-nude photos or videos of themselves
  • 39% of teens have sent sexually suggestive messages online

Sexting is common among teens which can be scary if their photos end up in the wrong hands and are shared publicly. This can lead to bullying, blackmailing, and emotional distress for the victim. For more information about sexting, check out the GKIS article, How Texting Can Turn To Sexting in the Blink of an Eye.

Cyberbullying and Harassment

Using dating apps and social media increases the likelihood of your teen experiencing cyberbullying and online harassment. Your teen might experience hateful comments, stalkers, and receive unwanted sexual messages. 

Click here to read a GKIS survivor’s story about teen bullying and sexual abuse.

If you see your teen using dating apps…

  • Don’t panic. Most likely, many of your teen’s peers are also using the same apps.
  • Have an open discussion about the risks of dating or social networking apps. 
  • Teach them to turn off location services for apps to disable people from seeing where they are.
  • Encourage them to approach you if anything makes them feel uncomfortable online.
  • Remember that it’s okay to say no, especially if they are too young to have an account.

A special thank you to Alisa Araiza for researching and co-writing this article. For more information on dating apps, take a look at Instagram is the New Dating App and Hookup Apps: The GKIS Sensible Parent’s Guide to Tinder. Make sure to check out the GKIS Screen Safety Toolkit for all your screen safety needs! 

I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetKidsInternetSafe.

Onward to More Awesome Parenting,

Tracy S. Bennett, Ph.D.
Mom, Clinical Psychologist, CSUCI Adjunct Faculty
GetKidsInternetSafe.com

Work Cited

Betts, J. (n.d.). Teen Dating Apps. Retrieved December 03, 2020, from https://teens.lovetoknow.com/relationships/teen-dating-apps

Online Dating – The Risks For Teens. (n.d.). Retrieved December 03, 2020, from https://www.internetmatters.org/resources/teens-and-online-dating-advice-hub-for-parents/online-dating-the-risks-for-teens/

Online Dating Is Especially Risky For Teens. (2020, September 17). Retrieved December 03, 2020, from https://yourteenmag.com/social-life/tips-teen-dating/online-teen-dating

Team, F. (n.d.). Swipe right for trouble: Six teen dating apps parents need to know about. Retrieved December 03, 2020, from https://www.familyzone.com/anz/families/blog/six-teen-dating-apps-parents-need-to-know

Teenage Sexting Statistics. (n.d.). Retrieved December 03, 2020, from https://www.guardchild.com/teenage-sexting-statistics/

Updated: November 8, 2., Kelli Dugan, C., Bob D’Angelo, C., Natalie Dreier, C., & Jared Leone, C. (2019, November 08). Teen dating apps: 5 popular dating apps that parents need to know. Retrieved December 03, 2020, from https://www.whio.com/news/local/teen-dating-apps-popular-dating-apps-that-parents-need-know/KQGkhTpFCxeyrmLejeODpN/

Photo Credit

Photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash

What You Need to Know About Online Catfishing

Not everything you read online is real, nor is everyone you meet. You have been catfished when you meet someone online who created a fake profile to deceive you. Catfishing varies in severity, from posting younger pictures of oneself to stealing another’s identity. Most commonly experienced in dating websites or social media, catfishing provokes more skepticism and fear when it comes to meeting people online.

It started on Tinder…

Being a victim of catfishing can happen to anyone. With more teens joining social media, they are exposed to not only same-age peers but also adults with bad intentions.

For example, my friend Sam had been online dating since her sophomore year of high school. She recently met a guy on Tinder and fell head over heels for him. Soon after meeting each other online, they texted every day. At first, she suggested they FaceTime, but he always came up with some excuse to text only. Sam didn’t think much of it and continued to text with him. When she suggested they meet in person, he ghosted her and then messaged her randomly, ignoring her suggestion. She ignored the red flags.

While talking to a friend about her concerns, her friend shared that she was having a similar experience with her online boyfriend. When they compared notes and photos, they realized it was the same guy using different names and accounts. Since then, Sam has had difficulty trusting anybody online.

Adults and kids can be victims.

The popular MTV show “Catfish: The TV Show,” gives the audience a deeper look into the world of catfishing. During each episode, the host helps a victim uncover the truth behind a catfishing incident. Each episode illustrates the complex reasons people create deceptive online identities to make up for deficits in their non-virtual lives, such as:

  • insecurity about their looks, so they steal someone else’s identity who is better looking – like wearing a virtual mask.
  • pretending to be a different gender, perhaps experimenting before coming out of the closet.
  • cyberstalking or seeking revenge.

It’s not just adults that are deceived by catfishing. In the Lifetime TV show, “I Catfished My Kid,” parents try to teach their teens a lesson about the dangers of talking to strangers online. In the pilot, two Ventura County teens were duped by an adult producer into thinking they were interacting with a peer. When he asked each victim to meet him in the park to watch his band practice, one of the teens complied. On the show, we see her walk to the park and then be confronted by her parents and the host of the show.

Dr. Bennett received production credit on this pilot and helped with the emotional support on set. She describes feeling uncomfortable with the plot of deceiving a teen. However, to the benefit of millions of viewers, the show is an opportunity to teach kids how easy it is to be catfished.

Why do we fall for it?

Dr. Bennett believes that texting and online dating are some of the worst things to ever happen to singles. Although they offer immediate access to possible friends and dates, she says it also exposes our psychological vulnerabilities to exploitive others.

For instance, Dr. B describes a phenomenon she’s seen in practice where the screen between us and our new partner allows us to confabulate a false truth, that our new dating partner is better than they actually are. Confabulation is the act of unconsciously creating imaginary facts to fill in for a loss of memory.

In other words, with their dream dating profile in mind, online daters sometimes start by identifying a partner that loosely fits their criteria. Because they are so hopeful, they unconsciously convince themselves that their date is their dream partner. A simple “I look forward to meeting you” text becomes a sign of affection, romance, and fidelity. They create a dream person in their heads before the date has even revealed their true selves.

Dr. Bennett also believes that online dating can trigger our hunting and gathering instincts. Too often, she sees people “keep an eye out” for a better partner, even when they are committed to their current one. By always looking for the next best thing, singles sabotage the relationship they’re in. The thrill of the chase and the novelty of a new person can overshadow real partnership.

She also notes that healthy daters find partners  and quickly move off dating sites, whereas predators stay. Dr. B theorizes that is the reason there are more creeps on dating sites than in the general population. Online dating can help you find love, but it can also open one up to exploitation, financial coercion, or online dating fraud. Although some dating sites verify users through other social media profiles and have safety tips, daters must beware.

If you visit websites, play video games, or are on social media, it may be helpful to you to know the red flags that. you may be being catfished.

Red flags that you are being catfished if the person:

  • is too good to be true

  • demands too much contact or acts possessive

  • is overly elaborative

  • attempts to pull you in with dramatic stories of victimhood or emotional distress

  • makes too many promises

  • is only available to talk during certain days and times

-gets too affectionate too fast

Thank you to GKIS intern, Nubia Bandek, for telling us all about catfishing. The hookup culture, which makes teens vulnerable to catfishing, is more prominent among teens than parents realize. Check out the GKIS article, Is Your Teen Hooking Up? for tips on how to have important conversations with your tweens and teens.

I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetKidsInternetSafe.

Onward to More Awesome Parenting,

Tracy S. Bennett, Ph.D.
Mom, Clinical Psychologist, CSUCI Adjunct Faculty
GetKidsInternetSafe.com

Works Cited

[1.] Couch, D., Liamputtong, P., & Pitts, M. (2012). What are the real and perceived risks and dangers of online dating? Perspectives from online daters. Health, Risk & Society,14(7–8), 697–714.https://doi-org.summit.csuci.edu/10.1080/13698575.2012.720964

[2.] Menkin, J. A., Robles, T. F., Wiley, J. F., & Gonzaga, G. C. (2015). Online dating across the life span: Users’relationship goals. Psychology and Aging, 30(4), 987–993. https://doi-org.summit.csuci.edu/10.1037/a0039722.supp (Supplemental)

Photo Credits

Photo by by Tim Gouwon Unsplash

Photo by Victoria Heathon Unsplash

Photo by rawpixelon Unsplash

Photo by Erik Lucateroon Unsplash

Photo by John Noonanon Unsplash

Hookup Apps: The GKIS Sensible Parent’s Guide to Tinder

Dr. Bennett recently told me a story about her friend Abby’s first experience using the dating app Tinder. Her first date sounded perfect for a middle-aged woman new to the dating scene. Like her friends told her, she met her “match” for a quick drink. She knew better than to get into his car or reveal where she lived. They had a few drinks and then walked to a nearby restaurant for dinner. He was a gentleman, handsome and professional. She couldn’t wait to get home to tell her friends about him.

When she called my professor that night, Abby was beside herself excited about this guy. Dr. Bennett, quietly wondering if it was too good to be true, suggested that she Google him. A person’s digital footprint can reveal a lot. So, Abby Googled. You will never believe what she found out…

It turns out that the man of her dreams was everything he said he was. He was recently overseas as a military officer and had gotten out of a serious relationship several years before. But she also found out that the relationship ended with stalking, an attempted kidnapping, and years in federal prison. Her night went from fantasy to nightmare in a few keystrokes.

Today’s GKIS article reveals what every parent needs to know about the famous hook-up app recently turned dating app, Tinder.

With the rise of screen technology in full effect, the dating game has changed forever. Instead of going out to meet people, many teens and adults rely on dating apps to potentially meet their future soul mates. Or are they just looking for a casual hook up? This new hook up culture revolves heavily around the dating app, Tinder.

What is Tinder?

Tinder is a free dating app that you can use either on your mobile device or home computer. After signing up, you can connect with Facebook to merge your mutual friends, interests, and pictures with the Tinder app. There is a new feature to simply log in with a phone number. Tinder uses your location to match with other user’s close in proximity. If interested in one’s profile, users have the option to either “swipe right” which is a “go” or “swipe left” which indicates a “no.” In other words, play or pass. Once users are matched, meaning they both swiped right on each other’s profile, they can begin a conversation – whether it’s gifs (animated or static images) or messages.

What are Tinder’s popular features?

  • When linking Facebook to Tinder, you have access to a network of friends whom can potentially share similar interests.
  • The app works off of your geographic location, giving you an option to find matches within a specific radius. The user can match with people as close to 1 mile away and as far as 100 miles away. There is a setting where you can choose the maximum distance you prefer to swipe from.
  • Users can edit their profile and select certain photos, create a personal bio, and insert personal demographic information they would like to share.
  • In order to search for matches, users swipe through profiles until they are matched with another user. Once matched, users have the option to message or keep swiping through other profiles.
  • Users can exchange messages, reactions, and gif’s which disappear after 24 hours. Users also have the ability to like a message sent from another user. Sending a reaction to one of your matches is a new feature on snapchat. Reactions look like a bigger emoji that moves and takes up most of the screen. The reactions include sending a shooting heart, a constant laughing face, clapping hands, a jumping cocktail drink, and an eye roll. (They do add new reactions randomly).

What is included in the personal profile?

  • The first thing that appears on one’s personal profile is your photo. It also gives an option to swipe through the other photos posted on the account.
  • Underneath the photo, it shows the user’s name and age. Depending on the user’s privacy preferences, it may also show one’s gender, interests, photos from Instagram, education and job details, a chosen anthem from Spotify, and one’s distance from your location.

What are the privacy options?

  • Although Tinder is connected to Facebook, Tinder does not have authorization to post anything to one’s Facebook page.
  • The information entered to sign up for Tinder can be hidden from other users. This includes e-mail address, home address, phone number, and birthday.
  • When managing privacy options, users can opt to upgrade to Tinder Plus in order to hide their age and location to others.

How long has it been around and how popular is it?

Tinder was launched in 2012 by developer Sean Rad, Jonathan Badeen Justin Mateen, Joe Munoz, Whitney Wolfe and Chris Gylczynski. The app has been growing in numbers ever since. “Research shows there are 50 million active users who check their Tinder accounts up to 11 times per day (Claire, 2017).”

What are the risks for use?

Cyberbully potential:

  • Other Tinder users can send threatening/cruel messages or offensive pictures
  • Fake accounts and impersonation.
  • Users can become desperate for likes and matches, potentially affecting self-perception and self-esteem.

Making poor decisions:

  • There is a temptation to participate in casual hookups that can potentially lead to a unsafe sex and victimization.
  • Since location plays a huge role in this app, it is easy for online predators to target Tinder users.

What are the protection features?

  • If a user is sending inappropriate messages or images, there is an option to un-match with them and this disallows them to contact you.
  • You have the option to upgrade to Tinder Plus, which allows you to hide location and age.
  • There is also an option to turn-off the option to show your profile on Tinder.

Thank you to CSUCI student Nicole Hunnicutt for co-authoring this article. One thing no parent wants to think about is how predators use social media to target victims for sex trafficking. Most of us think this is the kind of thing that only happens to vulnerable youth in poor countries. Unfortunately, children and teens are victimized in most American towns with families in every income level. All it takes is a cunning predator and a kid with a screen. To take safety measures today to Get(your)KidsInternetSafe, check out this article on how sex traffickers use social media to recruit victims.

I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetKidsInternetSafe.

Onward to More Awesome Parenting,

Tracy S. Bennett, Ph.D.
Mom, Clinical Psychologist, CSUCI Adjunct Faculty
GetKidsInternetSafe.com

Works Cited

Claire, M. (2017, February 21). Tinder: The Online Dating App Everyone’s Talking About. Retrieved March 02, 2017, from http://www.marieclaire.co.uk/life/sex-and-relationships/tinder-the-online-dating-app-that-everyone-s-talking-about-112522

What is Tinder? Parent App Guide (Video) – SafeSmartSocial. (2017, February 15). Retrieved February 22, 2017, from https://safesmartsocial.com/what-is-tinder-parent-guide/?utm_source=Safe%2BSmart%2BSocial%2BMailing%2BList&utm_campaign=57ce4c7f10-S3_Newsletter_3_Stars_2_23_17&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_40b34a3ccb-57ce4c7f10-195659757

Vedantam, S., Klahr, R., Penman, M., Boyle, T., Schmidt, J., Connelly, C., & Cohen, R. (2017, February 14). Hookup Culture: The Unspoken Rules Of Sex On College Campuses. Retrieved February 26, 2017, from http://www.npr.org/2017/02/14/514578429/hookup-culture-the-unspoken-rules-of-sex-on-college-campuses