“I can’t breathe, and my chest is killing me. My heart is racing. Am I having a heart attack? I am sweating, trembling, and dizzy. I think I’m going to vomit. My thoughts are racing. Have I gone crazy? What is wrong with me?” If this sounds familiar, you are probably one of three adults in the U.S. who has had an anxiety attack. Screens can have a significant effect on our levels of anxiety, but how?
What is anxiety?
In my 25+ years of clinical practice, I have treated many kids, teens, and adults with anxiety disorders. Since the advent of mobile screen technology, we have seen prevalence numbers increase dramatically. Twenty-five percent of 13- to 18-year-olds have mild to moderate anxiety with the median age of onset at 11 years old.[1]
There are five major types of anxiety disorder.
Generalized Anxiety Disorder(GAD) is characterized by chronic worry about things that don’t warrant that level of concern.
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is characterized by recurrent, intrusive thoughts and repetitive ritualistic behaviors, like counting, tapping, washing, or checking.
Panic Disorder (PD) is a chronic dread of having a panic attack, which feels like intense fear and trouble breathing, heart racing, and dizziness.
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder(PTSD) is typically triggered by a terrifying ordeal.
Social Phobia (SP) causes people to withdraw due to extreme self-consciousness or embarrassment around others and a fear of being scrutinized or judged.
How Screens Can Trigger Clinical Anxiety Symptoms
Generalized Anxiety Disorder
Screens can be distracting and lead to wasted time and poor work performance. Not only do kids worry about those missed assignments, but too many hours of online learning can put them in a state of irritable exhaustion. In Dr. Bennett’s book, Screen Time in the Mean Time, she details how multitasking, which refers to interrupting one task to attend to another (like social media notifications during homework), burns brain fuel at a rapid rate – leading to mental brownout.[2] Mental brownout can lead one to feel hopeless and helpless, which can lead to chronic worry about … just about everything.
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder
Keeping up with the Jones’s (or Kardashian’s) on social media can lead to obsessive scrolling and compulsive checking. We’ve all seen the notorious #GymSelfie or #FoodPorn that pops up on our news feed. Then there’s the #OutfitOfTheDay, #MCM (man crush Monday), #WCW (woman crush Wednesday), or your #TBT (throwback Thursday). Keeping up can feel overwhelming.
As Dr. B says in her article “Teaching Kids the Brain Traps of Video Games May Break the Spell,” “likes” are designed to tap into our evolutionarily-reinforced need to please our tribe – also called social capital. She elaborates, “When that notification pops up on our smartphone that somebody liked our post, we get a slight euphoria.”
Getting the likes makes us want more (compulsive use patterns), and not getting the likes can send us into compare and despair. Big tech is aware of this and plays on our psychology to keep our eyes on the screen. Our attention has been commodified (meaning that data about our online behaviors is for sale because it has value to marketers). The more we stay on screen, the more we fall victim to ads and the compulsion to buy.
Panic Disorder
Panic attacks happen when the autonomic nervous system, our survival center, gets triggered too easily. Poor self-care (like not sleeping, eating well, exercising, or socializing) can make us vulnerable having panic attacks. Dr. B says video games are also programmed to jack up your autonomic nervous system, which can lead to panic attacks.
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
In our GKIS article, “Live Streaming Can Cause PTSD in Adults and Children,” we detailed how watching live-streamed videos on social media and Youtube can lead to debilitating trauma symptoms. It’s critical to consider that screen content matters as much as, if not more than, screen time.
Social Phobia
It doesn’t take much imagination to consider that social media can lead to fear of excessive social scrutiny. Dr. B writes about the normal adolescent defense called the imaginary audience. She writes, “Teens can become extremely focused on their looks and very self-conscious, convinced that EVERYBODY is looking at them. As a result, they pay meticulous attention to clothing, makeup, hairstyle, body shape, and mannerisms. It’s as if they are carefully cultivating their brand to fit in and stand out among admired peers. Although imaginary audience has been observed among adolescents throughout history, social media may exacerbate anxiety. I believe compulsive urges to take perfect selfies are a healthy expression of the imaginary audience rather than the pathology of narcissism.”
It didn’t happen if you didn’t post it.
There is a popular saying that if you didn’t post about it, it didn’t really happen. Many teens are more invested in their virtual lives than they are in their non-virtual lives. This makes sense considering they spend more waking time on screen than they do off-screen!
Teen life often happens in a snapshot and not much else. Our kids are spending time at events, the beach, and vacation looking for that split moment to capture a picture guaranteeing them likes from their followers. Conversations are “Uh-huh” and “Mm, sure” without eye contact. Screen time is the master, and we’ve grown to accept that that is “just what teens do these days.”
Social media can become a shrine of a person’s life, and if it is subpar, that person’s life seems subpar. Sound extreme? It is, and it is real. The pressure to be perceived in a certain way can consume our minds and impact self-esteem. A Canadian study found that the more time spent on screens, the higher the risk of developing anxiety in children.[3] Screen addiction is proving to be a real concern rather than a minor annoyance.
Driven to Distraction
Anxiety has the potential to impact not only the quality of time spent with family and friends but may also sever the most important relationship of all, the one with ourselves. Self-worth goes down, anxiety shifts to depression, and all because we judge others and ourselves through the safety of a screen, hidden in anonymity, and supported by strangers.
It can happen to anybody.
A child therapist friend of mine shared with me that she recently deleted all social media apps off her phone. She said she felt social media was consuming her and ultimately the cause of a lot of anxieties. Between clients, she browsed Facebook and Instagram instead of doing her mandatory briefings. Her briefings would get stacked up for weeks. Ultimately, this would contribute to her unease. This is a professional in mental health, one whom we would like to think could find a good balance. Now imagine your teenager…
What can we do about it?
Identify the triggers and recognize that you may be powerless against them without cutting down on screen time.
Set reasonable parameters.
Use time management and blocking apps.
Learn cognitive behavioral coping skills like breathing, mindfulness, cognitive restructuring, and meditation
Make your nonvirtual life more enriching
Thank you to Chad Flores for helping us recognize how screens may contribute to anxiety.
[3] Maras, D., Flament, M. F., Murray, M., Buchholz, A., Henderson, K. A., Obeid, N., & Goldfield, G. S. (2015). Screen time is associated with depression and anxiety in Canadian youth. Preventive Medicine: An International Journal Devoted To Practice And Theory, 73133-138. doi:10.1016/j.ypmed.2015.01.029
In 2019, approximately 23% of children in the United States were bilingual.[1] Speaking more than one language implies education and competency. Popular media glamourizes bilingualism as a chic quality obtained by social elites. Recently, Princess Charlotte and Prince George received praise for being able to speak more than one language. A 2013 report finds that Spanish is the most spoken foreign language in the U.S., with three out of four Hispanic kids aged five and up speaking Spanish at home.[2] With online learning becoming the norm and inexpensive language-assisting apps available, helping your child learn a second language can be a great way to keep them engaged and educationally enriched.
The Best Time to Learn A New Language
Amazingly, babies have nearly twice as many brain cells as adults. These brain cells, called neurons, reduce in number as we age and become specialized to most efficiently perform complex tasks. One of these tasks includes language.
In the first few years of life, our brains are exquisitely receptive as we onload a boom in vocabulary. As our brains mature and specialize throughout childhood, the ease of learning language decreases. This is due to our brain gradually remodeling as we age by refining neuronal pathways. As a result of this complex genetically blueprinted growth process, we become better thinker, but less receptive to mass learning.
The bottom line is that we learn language best when we are very young. There is even evidence that hearing the unique sounds of particular languages in utero makes a difference later on! By encouraging bilingualism before your child reaches adulthood, you are optimizing language mastery.
The Benefits of Childhood Bilingualism
Effects on Thinking
Contrary to the belief that learning a second language may impede primary language learning, psychologist Adam Winsler and colleagues conducted studies with native Spanish speaking preschool children learning a second language (English). They found that preschool age children were able to competently achieve fluency in both languages while engaged in both the bilingual immersion program and the exposure program. This said, children in the preschool program have exceptional gains in learning.[3]
Along with language competency, bilingualism may help with the development of other complex tasks like working memory and problem solving. Working memory is the limited amount of information we can briefly store in our mind as we solve a problem like completing math problems or following the steps to bake a cake. A study by Daubert and Ramani found that bilingual preschoolers did better on working memory tests than monolingual preschoolers.[4]
Effects on Brain Development
Although we are still learning how our brains are impacted by learning a new language, there is evidence that the neurological remodeling discussed earlier can be impacted in positive ways. For instance, developmental researcher Maria Mercedes Arredondo analyzed brain scans of monolingual children and bilingual children. She found that during a linguistics challenge, bilingual children had less activity in the left frontal region of the brain which is associated with language.[5] This suggests that bilingual children process information more efficiently, thus needing fewer resources for complex linguistic tasks. Bilingual children also show greater brain activation with brain networks related to attention. The implications of this finding are that bilingualism may improve one’s attentional abilities.
The Drawbacks of Bilingualism
It is generally accepted that learning two languages is beneficial for children, but there can be temporary drawbacks. A common drawback is that young bilingual children tend to mix the grammatical rules of the two languages. For instance, if English is your child’s primary language and Spanish is their second, your child may say the literal English translation of a phrase like “At what time are you coming?” to the grammatically incorrect Spanish phrase “A que hora eres tu veniendo,” when it should actually be “A que hora vienes.”
Another finding is that young bilingual children are more likely to have a “silent period,” where they choose not to talk as much for a few months. It is as if their brains are preoccupied laying down the foundation necessary for more complex learning. Fortunately, these windows of silence are temporary.[6] When considering the pros and cons, the benefits of bilingualism strongly outweigh the temporary cons in the long run for most kids.
Language Delays
Of course, every child is different. Some children have an extra hurdle with language learning called a Specific Language Impairment (SLI). Children with SLI develop language fluency slower than their peers, but are not impacted in any other abilities. A research review by speech-language pathologist Lauren Lowry notes that while children with SLI learn language slower, learning a new language has not consistently shown to hamper their primary language. While research has been mixed, the majority of results note similar results with language proficiency between bilingual children with SLI and monolingual children with SLI.[7]
GKIS-Recommended Language Learning Apps
If you are interested in challenging your kids with bilingual education, here are four great language learning apps we recommend:
Duolingo
The Duolingo app offers courses for over 35 different languages and includes tools to learn vocabulary, put together sentences, practice pronunciation, translate audio to text, and how to have discussions in the new language. This is a free app that tracks progress along the way and is great for kids and teens.
Beelinguapp
Beelinguapp is a fun app that offers 13 popular languages and provides e-stories that contain both the primary language and the new language to aid learning. Stories come in wide ranges and make learning a new language fun! Some of the stories are behind a paywall.
Drops
Drops is a free app that offers over 40 languages and helps the user learn vocabulary, utilize the new vocab, understand pronunciations, and provides statistics of the user’s progress. It is particularly great for teens.
Unuhi: Bilingual Books
Unuhi is a free app that provides e-picture books in 20 common languages. Each page has two boxes of text, one for the primary language and one that has the same content, but in the new language. This app is geared towards children and some e-books are only available with purchase.
Other Ways to Learn A Language
Language-learning apps typically offer exercises to learn vocabulary and pronunciation, hone reading comprehension, and mindfully use the new language in conversation. Once a foundation for learning has been set, you can reinforce learning by:
Watching television programming in the new language
Reading easy books in that language, and
Frequently switching between the primary language and the new language for real-world application and practice.
To optimize the balance between online and offline learning, check out our Connected Family Course. Specifically designed for clever smart home setup, the Connected Family Course offers 10 easy steps for creative safe-screen home setup and fun parenting techniques for sensible screen management. Our expert techniques take the “battle” out of parenting in less than two hours!
Thanks to CSUCI intern, Avery Flower for researching bilingualism in children and co-authoring this article.
I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetKidsInternetSafe.
[4] Daubert, E. N., & Ramani, G. B. (2019). Math and memory in bilingual preschoolers: The relations between bilingualism, working memory, and numerical knowledge. Journal of Cognition and Development, 20(3), 314–333. https://doi-org.summit.csuci.edu/10.1080/15248372.2019.1565536
[5]Arredondo, M. M. (2018). A bilingual advantage?: The functional organization of linguistic competition and attentional networks in the bilingual developing brain. In Dissertation Abstracts International: Section B: The Sciences and Engineering (Vol. 78, Issue 11–B(E)).
Do you remember as a young child when you lost someone you loved? Whether it was your first dog or your grandma, the pain was definitely there. Many children are exposed to death in their early years initially from cartoons, tv shows, and movies. The complex concept of death is often difficult for kids to understand. Today’s GKIS article covers some basics about children, grief, and how to help them through it.
Every child will grieve at some point.
Whether we like it or not our children will have to face a time where they must grieve. One day their fish will die, their friend may pass, maybe even a grandparent will pass away. Parents are the most important touch-point during a time like this. Knowing how to manage it can make a big difference in child outcome.
When I was 10 years old the biggest person in my world would become a memory to me, my dad. On January 22, 2009, my dad lost his battle with stage-4 colon cancer. I remember it like it was yesterday, from my feelings to the headband I was wearing when I found out. The hurt and pain I felt knowing I would never be able to smell his hair pomade, take a Walmart trip with him just so I could sneak a J-14 magazine into the cart, or learn the game of football from him with dreams of playing for his favorite team, the Raiders. My dad was my world and just like that … he was gone.
For a long time growing up I was angry. I would act out and talk back to my mom, you name it I did it. I did not really understand how to deal with my emotions and felt that I needed to be strong for my mom and older sister. I would brush off his death like I did not care a single bit, but how could I not? My mom tried everything to help me, from taking me to therapy, encouraging me to play sports, and even retail therapy, but nothing made it better. Of course, I had many times where I was happy and laughing because yes, my life did go on, but I always felt a void in my heart.
Looking back now, I wish I could have understood the process more. Maybe with more support, my mom could have reached me better or helped me feel more understood. As I got older one of my goals was to become a children’s therapist, hoping to specialize in children who are grieving the loss of a loved one because I know first-hand how that feels. Every now and then when I think of a new way of grieving, I write it down. Writing today’s GKIS article helped me heal a little bit. I hope you find some of these helpful for you too.
Helping Your Child Overcome Grief
Try to go about your daily life as normal as possible.
Your child is already having to cope with the absence of somebody they loved. So rather than change other things in their life that they may miss as well, like friends or school, try to stick to your daily regimen.[1] The day after my dad passed away my mom encouraged me to go to my softball game. Although it was painful to see the empty seat next to my mom, it actually helped distract me for some much-needed temporary relief.
If past routines are too hard, start new ones!
If you are unable to stick to your daily routine because the pain of the missing loved one is just too great, creating new ideas may offer a fresh start. Anticipating events can be almost as much fun as doing them. When you come up with an idea, like building a sandbox, painting a room, or by making an outside fort, put it on the calendar. Give your child something to look forward to.
Show your child that you love them!
Be there for your child and remind them how much you love them each and every day by doing these small things:[1]
Leave them a small note in their sack lunch so they know you are always thinking of them.
Greet them with an enthusiastic smile and a hug in the morning.
Read them one too many stories and kiss them goodnight.
Treat them occasionally with an unexpected surprise from the store, like a cupcake or little toy.
Spend extra family time together, like on a hike or a special trip to their favorite ice cream shop
Leave love notes for them under their pillow.
It will be tough at times.
Dealing with the death of a loved one is difficult no matter what age you are. There are many complexities that come along with grieving and moving forward when losing someone you love. Although, you are probably just as heartbroken as your child, grief can manifest differently for different people. Although you will have challenging moments sometimes where you won’t know the next step, it’s okay. Breathe…you are not alone.
For extra coaching and support, it’s okay to ask for help from family, clergy, your child’s teacher, and even a psychologist. Sometimes children will speak more openly with someone they don’t have to worry may burst into tears themselves.
Teaching your child the concept of death may be challenging.
This is one thing about my dad’s death I struggled with for a long time. Like many young children who go through a loss of a loved one, I began to fear death and would constantly ask my mom if I was going to die too.
You will be asked a ton of questions
Children are curious and usually speak their minds with no filter. So, when asking about death
and loss be prepared to be asked very vague and challenging questions. Make sure you always give a thought out and complete explanation.
Questions you may get asked:
What is death?
Why do people die?
Where do they go when they die?
Will I die, too?
Can’t they come back?
It is important, in any which way you answer these questions, to keep it positive while also being straightforward with your child. Dr. Bennett calls it honesty with discretion. Kids get a lot of comfort if you tell them they’ll see their loved one again, but not for a very long time. Follow up that their loved one will always be with them, held close. It just won’t be as easy to see them.
Teach them the concept of death in a positive way. Be honest about your emotions while assuring them of their safety and that they are loved. Letting your children see you grieve sometimes will normalize healthy emotions. You don’t have to suppress emotion completely, all the time. It’s OK to be genuine and even accept soothing from them sometimes.
Still feel a disconnection.
Grief is a very normal and healthy process. However, kids and adults can sometimes sink into what psychologists call complicated bereavement. Complicated bereavement is grief that escalates into impairment and may benefit from professional clinical treatment. If you are wondering if it’s time to seek clinical help, ask yourself simple questions:
Are they sad more than half of the time?
Are they not eating or failing to gain or lose weight?
Are they having trouble sleeping or sleeping too much?
Are they complaining about intrusive thoughts or frequent nightmares?
Are they refusing to go to school or do homework?
Are they moving like they have no energy or agitated often?
Do they act tired, like they have no energy and can’t make decisions? Have they engaged in self-harm or threatened suicide?
Do’s and Don’ts When Helping Your Child Grieve
Do’s
Allow your child to grieve in their own way whether it be video games or crying into their pillow.
Mix curiosity with caring. This will not only show your child that you too are saddened by the loss, but it will also help your child express their feelings to you.
Separate your grief from theirs. It may sound selfish but, in this time, it will be beneficial to your child to see you hold yourself together as much as you can. They are in a foreign state of mind and will need to look up to you in how to move forward.
Be careful with your actions. Children are absorbent and pay close attention. Try not to grieve in ways that will not be beneficial to your child, like overindulging with alcohol, checking out, or having huge meltdowns in front of your child.
Praise! Oftentimes children develop new skills in this time of grieving. Be sure to mention how good they got at painting, you like their new makeup style, or even how easily they were able to pick up a sport.
Consider online support groups if there is a deficit of live support in your area.
Don’ts
Do not insist on a certain time or way to mourn. Everyone mourns in their own way.
Tell your child the truth, don’t say that their grandma is just sleeping or that their dog went on a walk. Kids can take things too literally and blame themselves or become afraid.[2]
Children need to be children. Don’t make them take on adult duties. Taking away their childhood will be seen as another loss for them.
Don’t be quick to punish. Your child may act out to elicit your attention. This sounds crazy but normalize their actions. This will help them stop this bad behavior.
Don’t knock the idea of support groups. Children being exposed to other children who are also experiencing loss may benefit from a sense of camaraderie.
If you live in California, Hawaii, or Idaho and need some warm, therapeutic support, Dr. Bennett offers teletherapy sessions. Go to DrTracyBennett.com for more information. A grieving child is not the only one to learn something new, you are too. Knowing how to help, nurture, and care for your child during this time is not easy but with simple steps, it can become second nature. Keep going and don’t give up on yourself, you’re doing great! Thanks to Danielle Rivera for contributing this GKIS article.
