April is Sexual Assault Awareness and Prevention Month (SAAPM). According to the Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network every nine minutes a child is sexually abused, 93% of survivors know the perpetrator, and 1 in 5 kids have been solicited sexually online before the age of 18.[1] The National Sexual Assault Hotline (1-800-656-4673) provides confidential support to victims. This GKIS article covers sexual violence, technology misuse, support groups, and ways to help. The following information may be triggering to some readers, discretion is advised.
Sexual Violence
Ending sexual violence and assault has become a national outcry. The National Sexual Violence Resource Center conducted a survey in the United States, reporting 734,630 people were raped in 2018.[2] GKIS has partnered with various organizations to raise awareness and end sexual assault.
Survivors endure the trauma of the assault and suffer chronic mental disorders (post-traumatic stress disorder, substance abuse, depression) and physical issues (HIV, sexually transmitted infections (STI), unplanned pregnancy).
The Sexual Assault Nurse Examiners (SANE) is a 24-hour service of first responders aiding sexual assault victims. SANE supports victims with emotional recovery, offers STI testing, and provides investigational leads to law enforcement which speeds and increases the chance for prosecution.[2]
Sexual assault is legally defined as “any type of sexual contact or behavior that occurs without the explicit consent of a recipient.”[3] By legal definition, the following are types of sexual assaults according to California law:
In 2015, the People of the State of California v. Brock Allen Turner made national headlines for convicting a Stanford student for sexually assaulting an unconscious victim. He received a sentence of six months for his crimes. Based on the previous CA law, prison time was only sentenced if the victim could defend themselves. The presiding judge, Aaron Persky, was disbarred after his ruling stating that a prison sentence would “have a severe effect” on the student’s future.[3] In an effort to decrease victim-blaming, former Governor Jerry Brown signed AB 2888 which requires a mandatory minimum sentence and requires that sex crime convictions must result in state prison.[3]
Victimization of Children
Sexual violence is common in youth, with reports of 42.2% of females having experienced their first completed rape before 18 according to the 2010 summary report by the National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey.[15] Sexual abuse of minors is often unreported because victims are often secretly coerced and confused about the feelings that result from the abuse. Legally, a child cannot consent to sexual activity with an adult due to immature brain development.[4] Pettis and Hughes report that male adult victims are particularly unlikely to seek treatment for childhood abuse.[4]
Violence in Intimate Relationships
Sexual abuse involving an intimate relationship refers to an unwanted or coercive sexual behavior toward one’s partner. In a Burke and colleagues’ study, males and females with high feminine gender identity were more likely to sustain abuse if they refused to perform sexual acts.[5]
Warning signs of an abusive relationship include if your partner
isolates you from friends or family
manipulates you into performing sexual acts
gets frustrated and jealous if you have unaccounted-for time
Sexual harassment is defined as an unwelcome verbal or physical advance for sexual gratification.[7] A study by Adams-Roy and Barling reported that 35-45% of women face severe sexual harassment at the workplace, resulting in an increase in stress, anxiety, and depression. Assertiveness training often helps victims of sexual harassment confront the assaulter.[7]
Online Sexual Abuse
Online sexual abuse is defined by the United Nations Children’s Funds as coercing victims to use live streams, virtual communities, and social media platforms for illegal sexual acts.[13] Social media influencers have been accused of having sexual relationships with minors. For example, YouTube and Tik Tok influencers James Charles and Tony Lopez have been accused of inappropriate intimate involvement with young fans using fame, power, sexual manipulation, and abusive behaviors. Uplift is a non-profit organization that was founded in 2015 that works to combat sexual abuse in the online community. John Green, author of “The Fault in our Stars,” pledged to support the Uplift movement on YouTube, helping Uplift attract additional supporters.
Our 2015 article, How Texting Can Turn To Sexting in the Blink of an Eye, explains how predators groom children in order to pressure them to send nude photos. Revenge porn is another form of digital abuse, defined as the act of posting someone else’s nude image without consent. Perpetrators illegally use the photos to control and exploit their victims. Revenge porn laws vary by state. If you want to know your state’s revenge porn laws, visit Cyberbully.
Sex Trafficking
Sex trafficking is the use of force, fraud, and coercion against someone for prostitution, pornography, and sexual performance fueled by the buyer’s money.[14] Sex trafficking is increasingly aiding the internet. It has been estimated that 3.8 million adults and 1 million children are used for forced and commercial sexual exploitation each year.[11] In 2020, a conspiracy erupted on Reddit accusing Wayfair of trafficking children by disguising codes located behind furniture sales. The public demanded the U.S. government to investigate allegations, which were later proven false.
People who are vulnerable to sex trafficking include:
Frequently child sexual abuse (commonly called child pornography) is captured and shared on smartphones and Go-Pro. According to California law, sending or receiving semi-nude or nude images of minors is child sexual abuse. This act qualifies as transmitting obscene material by distributing generated image(s) containing sexual conduct, punishable up to six years in state prison.[11]
Another form of camera misconduct is capturing or recording a subject in a bedroom or restroom without their consent. In 2019, a vacation rental guest rented an Airbnb for the weekend. He discovered that the chargers in the bedroom were video recorders.[12] Now, the placement of indoor cameras inside vacation rentals is illegal.
Security cameras placed in a particular area to capture a neighbor’s pool, bedroom, or restroom are forms of electronic surveillance that may be illegal depending on intent. Voyeurism is defined as gaining sexual pleasure by watching or recording someone undress.[5] A perpetrator may be imprisoned for 60 days and registered as a sex offender. From our recent article, Red-Light Websites and Online Services that Can Be Dangerous to Kids, GKIS described the Hide It Pro application that can store images and videos from security cameras.
Support Groups for SAAPM
Coalition for Family Harmony
This organization offers mental support, including counseling for sexual assault survivors, support groups for adults and teens, forensic exams, and a 24/7 service with the Rape Crisis Advocates. Dr. Sandy Gomez oversees the Rape Crisis Center in Ventura County at Coalition for Family Harmony and LGBTQ Program. She states that “a person’s access to mental health services should not be limited by their socioeconomic status.” Ten free psychotherapy sessions using a survivor-centered approach are available for sexual assault survivors. There are extended services for survivors who are of color and LGBTQ+.
In April, the Coalition for Family Harmony offers presentations to educate the community and mitigate online romance fraud, which is defined as the act of deceiving another person for financial gains through an online romantic relationship using a fake identity.
A special message from Dr. Sandy Gomez; “If you have experienced sexual violence, you are not alone and what happened to you is not your fault. You are the expert of your situation and we are here to help you review your options so that you can make an informed decision that works for your needs.” Contact their office at (805) 983-6014 or 1-800-300-2181 for a 24-hour Bilingual Crisis Hotline.
The Clothesline Project at Ventura College
According to Professor Capuano, the Ventura Psychology Club advisor and Coordinator of the Clothesline Project for 18 years, the purpose of the Clothesline Project “is to educate students and the community that violence is a problem everywhere, and that help is available.” Students and the community can visit Ventura College to listen to survivors, attend presentations, receive on-site counseling, and speak with 15+ local organizations. Visitors put their personal message on a shirt for display on campus. Topics covered include incest, cyber exploitation, domestic violence, and sexual violence.
Bikers Against Child Abuse
B.A.C.A. is a non-profit organization free of charge which assists abused children. They work together in conjunction with the local and state officials. B.A.C.A. uses their physical appearance to lend physical and emotional support. These bikers are the shield that protects children from future physical, sexual, and emotional abuse.
Ogie, a current member of B.A.C.A., uses the phrase, “no child should live in fear,” giving children hope for a safer world. In the eyes of children and the community, they are heroes. There are monthly meetings for members and the general public to attend. For more information on Who Is B.A.C.A. and local chapters in your area, visit their website.
American Foundation for Suicide Prevention
Thirty-three percent of female sexual assault victims contemplate suicide.[1] The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP) offers advocacy, research, education, and support to survivors with suicidal ideation. They recognize the importance of diversity, equity, and inclusion. AFSP is offering spring actives, such as Marathon in a Month and Campus Walks Day of Action. To learn more about the events, visit AFSP Greater Los Angeles and Central Coats. Let us be the voice AFSP is missioning for “Save Lives and Bring Hope to Those Affected by Suicide.”
Denim Day
In 1992, a 45-year-old driving instructor raped an 18-year-old woman on her first driving lesson in Italy. The survivor reported the rape, and the perpetrator was arrested and jailed for 6 years. Years later, the man appealed his conviction stating it was consensual sex evidenced by her tight jeans that would be too difficult to be pulled off involuntarily. The conviction was overturned, allowing the rapist to be released. This was to be known as the “jean alibi.”[9]
A Denim Day campaign was established in 1999 to support sexual assault victims. Denim Day is considered the most prolonged prevention and education movement for sexual assault.[9] Feel free to tag GKIS social media accounts to see you be a part of the movement.
The importance of consent shows respect for others and yourself. If you are struggling to explain or understand consent, visit Blue Seat Studio’s published video on YouTube: Tea Consent.
Call to Action Against Sexual Assault
LISTEN to victims when they report assault and assist them to achieve emotional and physical safety (e.g., walking, shopping, or eating in public settings).
PARTICIPATE in April to show your support. Wear or post a teal ribbon on your social media page to give awareness of sexual assault.
ACT to stop victim-blaming, known as the belief that the victim is responsible for the assault because of how they dressed, spoke, or behaved. Fear of being blamed is a significant contributor to the low rates of unreported cases.
Adults must show respectful modeling behaviors to all genders to reduce sexual assault. At National Sexual Violence Resource Center, Jenny Coleman explains the importance of speaking out if someone uses inappropriate phrases and terminology in front of minors. If you order our highly reviewed online course, The GKIS Connected Family Course, GKIS will invite you to our private parenting Facebook group in the service of child safety.
GKIS recommends taking self-defense classes to protect yourself from sexual assault. Visit Ando Mierzwa on YouTube or Threat Management on Tik Tok for free self-defense tactics used in martial arts. Furthermore, BSafe, My Safetipin, and Life360 are GPS tracking apps to provide personal safety in dangerous situations.
SPEAK out against sexual violence outside of April. The importance of sharing one’s story brings hope and awareness. For sexual assault survivors who are willing to share their stories, Boston University created an Instagram page for survivors to be heard: visit Campus Survivors. At the end of the day, the story being said is yours, and the story has the power to change the world.
Thanks to CSUCI intern, Christian Sandoval, for giving awareness and prevention of sexual assault in April. The importance of hearing someone’s story is critical, and we hope you will support the movement.
I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetKidsInternetSafe.
[1] Children and teens: Statistics. (n.d.). Retrieved March 18, 2021, from Rainn.org website: https://www.rainn.org/statistics/children-and-teens
[2] Morgan, E. R., & Oudekerk, A. B. (2019). Criminal Victimization, 2018. Bureau of Justice Statistics. Retrieved from https://www.bjs.gov/content/pub/pdf/cv18.pdf
[3] Sevenslegal. (2016, September 8). An update to California’s sexual assault laws. Retrieved March 18, 2021, from Sevenslegal.com website: https://www.sevenslegal.com/assault/update-californias-sexual-assault-laws/538/
[4] Pettis, K., & Hughes, R. (1985). Sexual Victimization of Children: A Current Perspective. Behavioral Disorders,10(2), 136-144. Retrieved March 16, 2021, from http://www.jstor.org/stable/23882265
[5] Burke, P., Stets, J., & Pirog-Good, M. (1988). Gender Identity, Self-Esteem, and Physical and Sexual Abuse in Dating Relationships. Social Psychology Quarterly,51(3), 272-285. Retrieved March 16, 2021, from http://www.jstor.org/stable/2786925
[6] Intimate Partner Sexual Violence. (n.d.). Retrieved March 18, 2021, from Rainn.org website: https://www.rainn.org/articles/intimate-partner-sexual-violence
[7] Adams-Roy, J., & Barling, J. (1998). Predicting the Decision to Confront or Report Sexual Harassment. Journal of Organizational Behavior,19(4), 329-336. Retrieved March 16, 2021, from http://www.jstor.org/stable/3100150
[8] National Sexual Violence Resource Center. (2020, April 3). Start at home: Modeling healthy behaviors keeps kids safe. Retrieved March 18, 2021, from Sexual Assault Awareness Month 2020 website: https://medium.com/sexual-assault-awareness-month-2020/start-at-home-modeling-healthy-behaviors-keeps-kids-safe-f454b929a2a0
[9] Why denim? — denim Day. (n.d.). Retrieved March 18, 2021, from Denimdayinfo.org website: https://www.denimdayinfo.org/why-denim
[10] Myths, facts, and statistics. (2018, November 7). Retrieved April 8, 2021, from Polarisproject.org website: https://polarisproject.org/myths-facts-and-statistics/
[14] Chin, K.-L., & Finckenauer, J. O. (2012). What is sex trafficking? In Selling Sex Overseas (pp. 1–33). NYU Press.
[15] Black C. M., Basile C. K., Breiding J. M., Smith G. S., Walters L. M., Merrick T. M., Chen J., & Stevens R. M. (2011). National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey 2010 Summary Report. Retrieved from https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/NISVS_Report2010-a.pdf
Two weeks ago Access Hollywood Live asked me to appear on a parenting segment to discuss slang kids and teens use online. I accepted the request planning to discuss the reasons teens use slang and offer suggestions to parents about how to respond when they see social media slanguage. Very quickly I realized I don’t have “expertise” about current slang terms. My teens and those I interact with in my office don’t talk or text slang with me, leaving me in the dark like every other parent. So I reached out to the teens themselves. Not only did my informal survey generate a list of popular slanguage that parents should be familiar with, but I also learned that teens are having less sex despite our fears.
Why teens use slang
During the adolescent developmental period, teens are creating their own identities independent from their parents. Developing peer relationship skills prepares them to better select a mate later on. At this point in their development, they’ve mastered attachment to mom and dad; now it’s time to learn how to select quality friends, maintain healthy friendships, and form a community with peers. In order to form community, one must create a culture of shared identity and ideals. That means creating similar passions, fashions, music, and language among one’s chosen peer group. Hashing out leadership and alliances are centeral issues behind teen drama. What better way to investigate the complexities of peer interaction than through observation?
Celebrity culture and its impact on slang
Ever wondered why kids are so enamored with the reality show format of Keeping Up With the Kardassians? It’s because they’re trying to keep up with the Kardassians! The sisters in this family are hip, rich, and glamorous. Unlike the typically uptight parents, television celebrities (and their producers) know how to offer up issues kids are most concerned about like beauty, parties, and sex appeal.
Watch the reality shows your kids watch, and you’ll recognize that they are an entertaining forum to learn about forming friendships, negotiating conflict, making yourself appealing to others, and getting rich. Each scuffle between beautiful sisters is a lesson in getting one’s needs met while maintaining connection with those you love. Whether we like it or not, our teens are driven to learn how to “be” from those they admire. Learning from television is particularly prominent as our families get smaller, our houses get larger, and we spend more hours watching screens and less time with each other. No longer do kids listen in on the conversations of their extended family members as they cook in the kitchen or sit on the porch. Now they watch unscripted (but certainly produced) reality television shows to learn how to behave in a group. We protect them by keeping teens home, which can create loneliness and, arguably, less resilience overall.
How is slang different today than when we were young?
Teens from every generation have their own slang, but what today’s kids have that we didn’t is online interaction and less face-to-face interaction.
3 Ways Online Slang Differs From Offline Slang
IMMERSION: No longer is teen social time limited by face-to-face opportunity. Now kids bond with texting and social media most of their waking hours. This means their online relationships are often more intimate and all-consuming than their offline relationships.
IMPACT: When kids post, their content may reach hundreds, thousands, or millions. The more “likes” for their image or post, the more reinforcement. That means kids customize content for shareability and impact. The language used while attaching to teen peers is more intense, shocking, and emotive, reflective of romance and hormone-driven drama.
INHIBITION: Without seeing your words register on somebody’s face, teens are bolder with their sexuality and aggression. Cyberbullying is rampant and edgy commentary is commonplace.
What do parents need to know about teen slanguage online?
When I asked teens what parents need to know, they resoundingly responded, “nothing!” Their intent is to create a culture distinct from moms and dads. As soon as parents understand and, God forbid, use teen slang, it is immediately retired (just like social media apps when parents take over).
There are different types of slang. Spoken slang is designed for humor and impact, emoji slang is designed for simplicity of concept, and abbreviation slang is created for efficiency and sometimes secrecy. Abbreviation slang is likely the most dangerous in that it may be a way for an online predator to extend challenges and invitations to naïve targets. The teens I spoke to insisted those terms are not commonplace.
Has the vulgar online culture resulted in teens having more sex?
When Hollywood Access Live host Natalie Morales asked me, “Now our kids are using code language. Often times it’s harmless and other times it’s not, right?” I responded, “I don’t think teens are any scarier today than we were.” Amidst good-natured laughter, Natalie protested saying, “I think they’re a little more promiscuous than we were.” Guest host Garcelle Beauvais added, “We feared our parents, I don’t think our kids fear us.” Then we went on to agree that online teen online language is far more explicit and vulgar than the slang of yesteryear.
But here is what you may be surprised to learn: even though today’s teens demonstrate more acceptance of casual and what we used to consider deviant sexual practices (like oral sex, anal sex, same gender sex, and polyamory), teens are more sexually responsible than previous generations. In fact, despite popular misconceptions that teens are hooking up casually, the truth is they are “talking” more than dating and having sex later and with fewer partners than previous generations. They are also more likely to use contraception, resulting in teen pregnancy rates being at an all-time low. Shocking right?
A 2016 survey, conducted by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention of 16,000 9 – 12th grade students from 125 public and private schools, found marked declines in the percentage of kids having sex, a later age for first intercourse, and fewer partners than the teens of previous generations. The drop is sharpest for ninth-graders, showing a dramatic 40% drop in the number of sexually active teens since 1991 (Twenge, 2017). The today’s average teen has their first sexual intercourse during spring of 11th grade, a full year later than the generation before them. This led researchers to conjecture that fewer teen pregnancies and abortion wasn’t just because of better use of birth control, but because of less sexual intercourse.
Why? Nobody can be sure, but it makes sense that kids have less opportunity than ever before. Look in your own home. Are your teens running around the neighborhood with other teens until the streetlights come on? Not so much, right? Instead they are home watching videos, texting, and using social media on average of 10 hours a day. Screen use has so dramatically changed adolescence that 12th-graders in 2015 go out less often than eighth-graders did in 2009 (Twenge, 2017). Kids staying home on screens rather than interacting in the community without parents has resulted in benefits and risks.
Author Dr. Jean Twenge reports that teens are physically safer than they’ve ever been. Kids today are less likely to drink alcohol, smoke cigarettes, or get in a car accidents than teens from previous generations. In fact, one in four teens will not have gotten their driver’s license upon graduating high school, a dramatic change from previous generations who were at the DMV the day they turned 16. Teens are also not employed like previous generations (from 77% among high school seniors in the 1970s to 55% today). With academic and athletic pressures, parents are more accepting of teen leisure time. But does more leisure mean better mental health?
No, rates of teen depression and suicide have skyrocketed since 2011. With increased screen time, teens get less sleep and report more unhappiness and loneliness. Social media doesn’t make them feel more connected, it makes teens feel more left out (Twenge, 2017). Microaggressions online are constant and cyberbullying has chronic impact. Viewing thousands of altered beauty images daily gives rise to body image distortion and anxiety. Online activities fill time and can be fun, but at the end of the day a chronic sense of loneliness and dissatisfaction has its cost. Some have even called it a mental health crisis. The dramatic changes in childhood within the last ten years due to screen use among kids and teens in my practice are the reason I founded GetKidsInternetSafe.
What can we do?
We can limit screen time and enrich their lives by encouraging healthy relationships. We can optimize the benefit of education through digital literacy, recognizing that there are screen activities that provide important health information. Then follow up this information by talking to them about our values and belief systems. Protecting them too much can reduce resilience. But supporting healthy independence and staying present for them increases resilience. Monitor their slang and invite discussion, but don’t bury your head or get intrusive.
Below is a quick list of the most common slang offered up by the teens in my community. My best tip for decoding your teen’s most recent linguistic masterpiece is to look it up on the site Urban Dictionary. If you do use this source, be prepared to be shocked. It is user created, and contributors hold nothing back. Profanity and sexuality is blatant. Be brave. The more you know, the more credibility you’ll have during important family discussions. What do you think? Are kids scarier now than we were? Let me know what you think in the comments below.
Do you wonder if teen slang is contributing to the hookup culture? Check out the article, Is Your Teen Hooking Up? for ideas about how to support your kids in today’s casual sex environment.
I’m the mom psychologist who helps you GetKidsInternetSafe.
Onward to More Awesome Parenting,
Dr. Tracy Bennett
The GKIS Quicklist of Current Teen Slanguage
FOR TEXT:
53X: Sex
8: Oral sex
9: Parent watching
CD9: Parents around/Code 9
99: Parent gone
1174: Party meeting place
420: Marijuana
GNOC: get naked on camera
CU46: see you for sex
LMIRL: let’s meet in real life
IWSN: I want sex now
IKR: I know right
TLDR: too long didn’t read
IMO: in my opinion
FFS: for f*&k sake
NIFOC: Naked in front of computer
PIR: Parent in room
POS: Parent over shoulder
KOTL: Kiss on the lips
PRON: Porn
TDTM: Talk dirty to me
IPN: I’m posting naked
LH6: Let’s have sex
WTTP: Want to trade pictures?
DOC: Drug of choice
TWD: Texting while driving
GYPO: Get your pants off
KPC: Keeping parents clueless
AMA: Ask Me Anything
THOT: That hoe over there
CID: Acid (the drug)
DAE: Does Anyone Else?
Dafuq: (What) the f***?
DM: Direct Message
ELI5: Explain Like I’m 5 (my Fav!)
FML: F*** My Life
FTFY: Fixed That For You
CONVERSATIONAL SLANG:
Broken: Hungover from alcohol
SugarPic: Suggestive or erotic photo
Thirsty: craving attention, desperate
Turnt: to be wasted or crazy
Bae/boo: my girl/boyfriend (before all else)
Smash: do have sex with somebody
F boy: male slut
Tweekin: worried
Skrt: to get out of talking to someone “I need to skrt”
Lit: really cool or wasted
Af: as f&^k
Goat: greatest of all times
Shook: can’t believe it
Thick: someone who is very curvy
Salty: upset or bitter
Extra: over the top dramatic
Savage: cruel
Woke: with it or knowledgable
Shade: untrustworthy
Gucci: cool or I agree
Cash me outside: let’s fight
That’s fire: that’s really good
Dope: that’s cool or good
Yee: hyped up about something fun
Dank: that’s cool or good
Savage: cruel
Choice: fly, desirable, the best
Idek: I don’t even know
Boosted: a league of legends term for a bad player who paid to get a higher rank (a poser)
Fleek: cool
Reading today’s GKIS article will likely be shocking, horrifying, and frightening. If you are reading it for my Social Media Readiness Course and have not discussed these issues before, please seek out a parent or teacher to help you decide if it’s right for you to read it. If it isn’t, the adult can take the course quiz questions for you that apply to this article. I included this article in your lessons because I believe this is something social media users must know about so they can protect themselves. If they are not ready to learn about sex trafficking, they are too vulnerable to being tricked by criminals online and not ready to face the risks of social media.
What is Sex Trafficking?
Sex trafficking refers to the act of tricking or forcing someone into sex with paying customers. Traffickers typically lie, threaten violence, or engage in debt bondage (demanding services until a financial debt is paid off).
Although most Americans believe human sex trafficking is only a problem in poor countries, it happens in America too. Increasingly, kids from all types of families are being lured using social media. All it takes is smartphone access.
How likely is it that there is human sex trafficking in my town?
Two types of sex trafficking defined by the Trafficking Victims Protection Act of 2000 include domestic minor sex trafficking (the exchange of sex with a child under the age of 18 for the gain of cash, goods, or anything of value) and commercial sexual exploitation of children (such as exchanging images of child sexual assault, prostitution, child sex tourism, and child marriage).
In a 2014 report conducted by the Urban Institute, it was estimated that the underground illegal sex trade is bringing in profits as high as $290 million in Atlanta.[1] Other top-earning cities include Chicago, Las Vegas, Memphis, and New York City.
By grooming kids on social media and texting, traffickers have easy access to kids from any town. Common methods used to recruit and control victims include faking romantic interest (pretending to be the child’s boyfriend), emphasizing that nobody else understands them like they do, discouraging women from “having sex for free” (convincing them the money they will get paid is a good thing), and promises of expensive gifts.[1] Once the trafficker gains the child’s trust, it’s easy to set up a live meeting.
How does a trafficker obtain a child’s cooperation without their parents knowing?
All it takes is a curious teen and a motivated trafficker to create an online relationship that can lead to exploitation (using the child to earn money). Consider thirteen-year-old Savannah. Her parents never got around to setting up parental controls on the laptop she got for her birthday. One day she visited a website that was offering sugar daddies to pay for things and quickly fell under the influence of a sex trafficker.
“I don’t know why I did it . . . I didn’t know that I would have to have sex with them. I thought they would just buy me stuff because I was pretty,” claimed the attractive, well-spoken THIRTEEN-year-old girl. She had no idea what she was getting into. “Even as they were taking me to the hotel, I still wasn’t really sure what was going on,” said Savannah. Savannah said that if she didn’t cooperate, they would hit her, hold a gun to her head, and threaten to kill her. She lived in constant fear as a hostage because she was fearful of speaking out.[2]
Another story involves Teresa. She was like any other fifteen-year-old girl entering ninth grade. She lived in Detroit, and her dad had a high-paying government job. To lure her, a trafficker had a boy at her school pretend to like her. These criminals had been watching Teresa for a while before making their move on their “perfect” target. Teresa developed a crush on the boy who showed her attention and would tell her how beautiful she was. Then one day he offered her a ride home from school. She didn’t even think twice about the offer. Unfortunately, he never took her home.
Instead, he took her to an apartment where she was drugged and sexually assaulted. They used photographs of the assault to blackmail her and force her into sex slavery for months. They stalked and monitored her constantly and threatened that if she told anyone they would kill her family. At night they would sneak her out and take her to different homes. “Sometimes they were high-class homes, mansions, sometimes even politicians or business owners,” she stated. Ultimately, she was able to escape when her father was relocated for work. She never told her family what happened and to this day lives with the trauma.[3]
In 2023, the American Psychological Association released a Health Advisory on Social Media Use in Adolescence that offered recommendations to families for safer social media use. One of those recommendations was, “Adolescents’ social media use should be preceded by training in social media literacy to ensure that users have developed psychologically-informed competencies and skills that will maximize the chances for balanced, safe, and meaningful social media use.” Nine years before this recommendation, Dr. Bennett offered screen safety tools to families. Our Social Media Readiness Course covers the social media risks teens must know to keep themselves safe and offers psychological wellness tools to optimize the evaluation, problem-solving, and refusal skills necessary for safety.
Provide education about online risks and have ongoing discussions.
As a psychologist, much of my work starts with psychoeducation or teaching people about the issues that lead to harm and how to achieve wellness. People can only move to independent problem-solving if they understand the issue from an informed perspective.
From there, I move into teaching and skill-building. I walk kids through the security risks of social media, such as having public versus private profiles, posting with identifying information, having contact with strangers, and posting location information from geotagged photos or logos on clothing.
Teach psychological wellness tools and encourage frequent practice.
Increasingly, teachers, parents, and mental health experts are teaching kids mindfulness and cognitive behavioral tools to help with healthy emotional identification, insight, and management. These tools help inoculate kids from the vulnerabilities that bad actors online exploit. Learning the tools, like those offered in the Social Media Readiness Course, is critical before using social media platforms including YouTube, TikTok, Instagram, Snapchat, Twitter, or Facebook.
Offer warm and nonjudgmental support.
Let your kids know that, just as everybody makes mistakes in nonvirtual life, it is expected that they also will make mistakes online. Create an ongoing cooperative dialogue about online life so your kids won’t fear shaming lectures or punishing consequences if they do ask for help.
Not only will this enrich your trust and connection with your kids, but it will also optimize the chance that they will come to you if they get worried or have questions. Usually, the learning goes both ways between Internet natives and Internet immigrants, which is a win-win! Our free Connected Family Screen Agreement gets that dialogue started, even about the uncomfortable topics of online safety.
Use parental controls and monitoring and filtering software.
We all want to trust our children to be honest with us and use good judgment. But counting on a child to use good judgment is not always enough to keep them safe online. Rather than allowing unmanaged access to online content and hoping for the best, use technology to block and filter content and monitor and manage use.
Set up a toolkit that fits your style of parenting from the recommendations in our GKIS Screen Safety Toolkit. Start with strict and more intrusive controls for young children and gradually allow more independence and privacy as they age and demonstrate skills and responsibility. Don’t be afraid to loosen up a little then tighten again as your child tests limits and experiments with online choices. Be honest, as sneaking and ambushing can damage that critical parent-child alliance. Cracking down once the damage is done is simply too late.
Take an hour to review social media profiles together.
Review and change security and privacy settings on each other’s social media profiles from public to private.
Use free apps to review metadata from posted photos and strip them of location information.
Change the settings on your smartphones to prevent geotagging when you use the camera. For the iPhone, it’s as simple as going to Settings> Privacy>Location Services >Camera. Then set the toggle switch to never.
Your influence is optimized if you have a fun, warm connection with your kids. I created the GetKidsInternetSafe Screen Safety Essentials Course to educate parents and offer doable parenting strategies so families could get on track with Internet safety.
I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetYourKidsInternetSafe.
[1] Dank, Meredith, Bilal Kahn, P. Mitchell Downey, Cybel Kotonias, Debbie Mayer, Colleen Owens, Laura Pacifici, and Lilly Yu. “Estimating the Size and Structure of the Underground Commercial Sex Economy in Eight Major US Cities.” Http://www.urban.org/events/shedding-light-americas-underground-commercial-sex-economy, 2014. Urban Institute, 12 Mar. 2014. Web.
[2] Kristof, Nicholas D., and Sheryl WuDunn. A Path Appears: Enriching the Lives of Others–and Ourselves. N.p.: Random House, 2014.
[3] ABC NEWS. “ABC NEWS- PRIMETIME.” PRIMETIME ABC NEWS. ABC. 9 Feb. 2006. Teen Girls’ Stories of Sex Trafficking in U.S. Web. 24 Feb. 2016.
April is Sexual Assault Awareness and Prevention Month (SAAPM). According to the Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network every nine minutes a child is sexually abused, 93% of survivors know the perpetrator, and 1 in 5 kids have been solicited sexually online before the age of 18.[1] The National Sexual Assault Hotline (1-800-656-4673) provides confidential support to victims. This GKIS article covers sexual violence, technology misuse, support groups, and ways to help. The following information may be triggering to some readers, discretion is advised.
