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Men, Women, and Children Got it Right

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Jason Reitman’s movie Men, Women, and Children got it right. Well, maybe not satisfyingly “right,” but it highlighted some scary, hard-to-manage technology-related tragedies that are happening to everyday families more often than we want to admit. This movie is not entertaining. It’s dark. It’s dramatic. And it highlights the very issues that I’ve been ranting about for a while now; issues that prompted me to create www.GetKidsInternetSafe.com to make a positive difference for families on a larger scale than my clinical practice.

So first, let’s talk turkey about this movie. Sunday night I went to one of the two theaters showing #MWC in Los Angeles prior to its public release October 17th. Watching the movie with my psychiatrist husband was distressingly similar to our Tuesday at work in clinical practice. Like in a psychologist’s office, the big screen offered an intimate and distressing view of families suffering various forms of tragedy related to unchecked Internet and social media use. Audiences may argue “this is Hollywood hyperbole at its finest.” I would argue, however, that if you think this is far from reality, you have your head buried in fantasies of yesteryear. And if you are self-righteously thinking your children would never behave like this, all I can say is “good luck with that.” I commonly treat very skilled parents with loving and attentive families who end up mired in technology quicksand. No family is immune to technology tragedy if you own screen media.

You haven’t seen the movie? Well, you should only go to see it if you want to see some dark truths and are courageous enough to be an informed parent. In my clinical opinion, the most dangerous state of being is overly confident. It is the overly confident that think they can break the rules a little and it won’t matter much…until they don’t stop at a little and it matters a ton. I’ve watched this process play out on my therapy couch hundreds of times over 20 years. It’s not the cautious and the dim that get into impressive tangles, it’s the capable and the confident.

What tangles are portrayed in the movie? The same ones portrayed in my smallish suburban town. Here’s the list of tragic characters (spoiler alert!):

Allison is a beautiful, innocent adolescent girl struggling with emotional estrangement from her family who becomes a diligent student of how-to-be-anorexic websites. Hungry and confused she seeks advice from other eating disordered website members and begs for emotional validation by engaging in awkward, humiliating sex with a brutally exploitive older boy. Not enough tragedy for one character? Her secret life is ultimately exposed in a tragically humiliating hospital scene with slut-shaming parents, and later her personal empowerment thwarted through mild cyberstalking and vandalism.

Hannah is another beautiful but not-so-innocent adolescent girl who gets her self worth from her sexual predator fandom that buy her compliance via a T & A website managed by her mother, Donna Clint. Mom is a mildly successful actress who passes on multigenerational trauma related to her own shallow objectification. Mom exploits her daughter’s sexuality in order to give her access to the shallow dream of fame and fortune. Mom shows remorse as their plans come crumbling down along with their precious mother-daughter relationship. This prescribes to the “it’s only wrong if I get caught” primitive level of moral development. I ended up unfairly disliking the girl and somehow empathizing with the stupid mother. I can only blame my irrational emotional responses to the superior acting of Olivia Crocicchia and Judy Greer.

Character Brandy Beltmeyer commands the spotlight as the daughter of a terrified, over-controlling mother played by Jennifer Garner. Brandy’s seemingly authentic vulnerability gets shattered when we learn of her emo alter ego who lives on a secret Tumblr profile. I found myself rooting for this character most of all, as she works to individuate despite the impressive stranglehold of her very capable, cyber-addicted Mom. Thank you Reitman for debunking the myth that epic lockdown of technology is not going to do the trick.

Tim Mooney steals the show as an adolescent boy who feels defined solely by his football prowess and gaming addiction and decides to throw in the towel in favor of Existential crisis and victimhood via cyberbullying; mix in a delicate adolescent romance and a dash of maternal abandonment, and we’ve got a perfect recipe for suicide.

Chris Truby shows us the danger of internet porn addiction as we see him stumble into progressively more disturbing levels of sadomasochistic porn until his sexuality becomes an insecure tangle of titillation, hurt, and confusion. Reitman demonstrates with this character that boys can also be targeted for sexual exploitation. Parents protect your daughters AND your sons.

And the parents in this movie! They are not immune to tragedy either. Reitman gets it right portraying adults that are screen media victims as well. In addition to the parents already described, please welcome Lydia Mooney, a romance-addicted mother who abandons her family for a FaceBook friend. She attempts to protect her suffering son from the painful truth with poorly executed photo blocking. Her choices smack of selfish grandstanding…or do they?

And finally, the audience is treated to Don and Helen Truby (played by Adam Sandler and Rosemarie DeWitt), a pervy, middle-aged couple bored with their relationship who find sexual outlets via the Internet hookup sites that scratch that itch. Does infidelity work to save a stale marriage? Go see the movie and find out!

Ultimately, Reitman leaves us with intentionally vague and ultimately unsatisfying resolutions. We feel defeated and lucky to not be “those people.”

As a psychologist who has been witness to so many of these issues, I fear we are all a few clicks away from “those people”…even with our best efforts. I agree with Reitman’s unsettling message that our Internet addictions are pervasively risky. There’s no doubt in my mind that Pandora’s box is wide open, and it’s time for a GetKidsInternetSafe revolution.

I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetKidsInternetSafe.

Onward to More Awesome Parenting,

Tracy S. Bennett, Ph.D.
Mom, Clinical Psychologist, CSUCI Adjunct Faculty
www.GetKidsInternetSafe.com

photo credit: “Family Restroom” by Karyn Christner, cc by 2.0

7 Set-the-Stage GKIS Tips.

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  1 of a 3-Part Series  Sensible GetKidsInternetSafe (GKIS) Screen Media Guidelines for Children Ages 3 to 6 Years

Preschool is a good time for children to start to develop technology skills, digital literacy, and digital citizenship. From my three-pillar experience as a mother, clinical psychologist, and university professor, I believe these guidelines will help get your family started on the right path to awesome parenting in the digital age. Of course, these are simply suggestions. As a parent, you can use your judgment and alter these guidelines to best fit your children and family.

Congratulations for going the extra mile to be an awesome parent right from the beginning, rather than waiting until your children have been exposed to damaging material or have developed dangerous habits. As little ones, they will readily accept your guidance, and your thought-thru, safe guidelines will smoothly become a way of life. If you wait to change things after bad habits have formed, kids often resist and become sneaky, resentful, and defiant. Take a second to give yourself a heart-full-of-self-love pat on the back for taking the extra time and going the extra mile for your little ones.

SET THE STAGE:

  • Fine-tune your technology skills, use patterns, and opinions about technology before your babies ever lay eyes on a media screen. This will allow you to be confident from the start that you have a well thought-out plan and already serve as a good role model.*

For example, recognize that by posting your children’s pictures on social media you are creating their digital footprint thatis permanent on the world wide web. Consider what you think is appropriate to post, and with what privacy settings, particularly given your child’s inability to provide informed consent. Baby pictures are one thing, but as your children mature so does their digital footprint. I personally choose to post with strict privacy settings on social media and tend not to include my grown kids’ images on public forums like www.GetKidsInternetSafe.com. Each parent must determine his/her own comfort level.

  • Become your child’s go-to expert by maintaining a fun and supportive dialogue about technology. Then, put it in writing!

As you gain knowledge from your discussions and research, create a GetKidsInternetSafe Family Agreement during a weekly family fun night.* Commit to a weekly 10-minute check-in to keep everybody compliant and incorporate improvements as you go. If kids are raised with sensible guidelines and consistent (but chill) follow-thru, they adapt easily and are more likely to adopt positive viewpoints and values.

  • Become an educated buyer and do your research BEFORE you purchase devices or software. Be cautious of unverifiable claims, especially by marketers promoting a product.

If by using the software your child is incentivized to BUY MORE, do yourself a favor and don’t buy it. Avoid manipulative neuromarketing techniques that target your fears and your children’s wants as much as possible.Consider initial and upgrade costs and safety and durability issues prior to making a purchase.

  • Consider how technology will interact with your child (burgeoning developmental abilities, unique strengths and vulnerabilities, and moods).

Parents often think kids will seek out what they need for health, as if they are pre-programmed to know (Hesketh). They aren’t and need your active guidance!

Just as there’s research of academic and prosocial benefits to appropriate screen media programming, there is also mounting research evidence of social, language, and reading delays due to TOO MUCH screen media use.

There’s also concern that screen media demonstrates brain stimulation patterns typically seen in addiction, perhaps setting the stage for attention and addiction issues later (Christakis, Sigman). Think of your child’s current as well as future development as you make your selections.

The soon-to-be-posted GetKidsInternetSafe crash developmental psychology course for 3 to 6 year-olds will help with this, so keep an eye out for it!

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  • Stage your home and set sensible rules for smart technology use.

Place screens in family traffic areas, enforce a night-time docking station, no screen time before bed time, take breaks – 15 minute break after 45 minutes of screen viewing, and definitely no screens in the bedrooms.*

MOTIVATOR: Excessive screen media use by children has been linked to increased risk for obesity, increased sensitivity to stress, irritability, depression, impulsivity, aggression, decreased attention, motor problems, and sleep problems (Cristakis, Robinson, Schmidt, Swing).

  • Install protective software.

To prevent risk of viruses and hacking, install anti-virus, anti-spyware, and anti-spam security programs and a personal firewall. If you have no idea what I’m talking about, google it (e.g., “What is a firewall?”) I’ll have articles coming up on www. GetKidsInternetSafe.com with detailed instructions as well. Until then, there are excellent articles out there with reviews and recommendations. I say GO FOR IT!

Also install filtering and monitoring programs on any devices your child will be using.

IMPORTANT: Be honest with your child about your actions from the get-go.* Raising kids with a respectful and honest transparency about your efforts to keep them safe will go a long way in developing a cooperative and trusting alliance. If they know from the beginning that you are forever monitoring, they won’t feel stalked or ambushed later and be less likely to sneak. I tell my kids that I may check their media at any time for any reason (even though I don’t invade their privacy other than an occasional spot-check). If I see anything that concerns me, they are the first to know. Parents get into terrible violation of trust situations when they sneak peeks and hold secrets.

  • Provide age-appropriate devices and content and let your children experiment.

It’s best to provide warm support rather than micromanaging. Encourage mastery of technology basics (e.g., tech vocabulary and problem solving, essential commands, and how to use the browser), as well as fine motor skills (e.g., keyboarding, screen touch, and the mouse).

Don’t over do it, start out slow. There is little persuasive evidence that screen time will dramatically accelerate academic skills. Your kids will have plenty of time to develop those at school and with home reading and arithmetic activities integrated into the everyday. Be conservative and limit the screen media use. Face-to-face interaction and running in wide open spaces remains far superior for healthy development than hours of screen time.

I hope today’s article inspires you to proactively GetKidsInternetSafe in your home. GKIS articles are designed to give you the most essential technology and parenting information in a quick and easy-to-read format; and hopefully motivate you to think deeply, plan, reassess, and repair your technology plan along the way. Stay connected to GKIS and being your family’s expert will be easy! Please help me out and pass this information on to any friends or family you know with young children. Also, I would love for you to be generous with any genius stage-setting ideas you have stumbled upon in the comments section after this article.

To get the free article download “Three Things You Can Do to Get Your Kids Internet Safe,” click here.

I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetYourKidsInternetSafe.

Onward to More Awesome Parenting,

Tracy S. Bennett, Ph.D.
Mom, Clinical Psychologist, CSUCI Adjunct Faculty
GetKidsInternetSafe.com

Works Cited

Christakis, D. A., F. J. Zimmerman, D. L. Digiuseppe, and C. A. McCarty. “Early Television Exposure and Subsequent Attentional Problems in Children.” Pediatrics 113.4 (2004): 708-13. Web.

Hesketh, Kylie D., Trina Hinkley, and Karen J. Campbell. “Children′s Physical Activity and Screen Time: Qualitative Comparison of Views of Parents of Infants and Preschool Children.” International Journal of Behavioral Nutrition and Physical Activity 9.1 (2012): 152. Web.

Robinson, T. N. “Reducing Childrens Television Viewing to Prevent Obesity: A Randomized Controlled.” JAMA 282 (1999): 1561-567. Web.

Schmidt, Marie Evans, Jess Haines, Ashley O’Brien, Julia McDonald, Sarah Price, Bettylou Sherry, and Elsie M. Taveras. “Systematic Review of Effective Strategies for Reducing Screen Time Among Young Children.” Obesity (2012). Web.

Sigman, A. “Time for a View on Screen Time.” Archives of Disease in Childhood 97.11 (2012): 935-42. Web.

Swing, E. L., D. A. Gentile, C. A. Anderson, and D. A. Walsh. “Television and Video Game Exposure and the Development of Attention Problems.” Pediatrics 126.2 (2010): 214-21. Web.

LOVING THESE TECHNOLOGY STATION IDEAS: http://www.pinterest.com/search/pins/?q=kids%20work%20stations

The Death of Robin Williams: Suicidal Impulse, the Media, and Your Obligation As a Compassionate Citizen of the Planet

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As a practicing clinical psychologist for twenty years, I have treated the desperately hopeless, tortured souls of the suicidal on many occasions; each with his or her unique story and lonely grief. Soothing the suicidal person is not an easy part of my job. Most psychologists recognize that we will probably lose a patient to suicide sometime in our career. And we fear it. We also help those patients fight their destructive impulses with everything we’ve got for excellent reasons.

The news of Robin William’s death by asphyxiation struck me with the deep compassion that appears common to his adoring audience. It’s profoundly sad to think of this gentle, hypomanic funny man desperate enough to call it quits. He was open about his struggles with depression and addiction, yet we wonder how he could not be led to hope with all the help available that money can buy. I have many ideas about the loneliness of fame and how his years of alcoholism and cocaine abuse may have depleted the very dopamine receptors that would have allowed him to fully capture the joys of life. But instead of exploring Robin’s reasons, I’d like to discuss my fears of how his death may influence others and ask for your help.

In 1996, I wrote my dissertation about suicide. I completed a comprehensive review of the literature, held trainings, and currently teach about suicide in my university courses. One of the scarier facts I’ve learned and witnessed over the years is how suicide can be a contagious behavior. When a community loses somebody to suicide, mental health experts hold their breath and brace for battle. And now in the digital age, and with the constant bombardment of media from our many treasured devices, few escape full immersion into salacious stories such as Robin William’s suicide.

The most prominent message in the media appears to be WHY?

There are many theories about what leads to suicidal ideation; depression, hopelessness, lack of social support, spiritual crisis, etc. And each of these is critical to assess for each individual. However in my view, at its core, suicidal impulse is a problem-solving deficit. It is a concrete, black-and-white, easy answer to escape emotional pain. It is where people often go when they are too overwhelmed to reason. Fortunately, it doesn’t take long in the face of reason for suicide to extinguish as a real option.

It is a rare individual who has not fantasized about suicide. It is a tempting solution whether it be the hope of a quick escape from emotional torment or a hostile act of “I told you I was hurting!”. Until, that is, one realizes how it hurts the survivors and leaves them without opportunity for resolution. In most circumstances, suicide is a hostile act that leaves emotional wreckage in its wake. Loved ones are left with the blunt force of despair, anger, and torturous guilt if something they did contributed to their loved one’s anguish, or, alternatively, if they could have done something to save him. Or, in the worst circumstances, if joining him in self-murder is a reasonable option.

Profoundly injuring those who love and know you seems too hostile to contemplate. Other achievable, less destructive solutions to overcoming emotional pain may emerge.

Solutions are what I work furiously to coax forth in session when I excavate suicidal impulse from my client’s emotional landscape. Of highest priority is facilitating honest expression of emotional pain, then validation, exploration, and gradual reassurance and guidance toward hope; the hope that emotional agony is temporary and relief will come soon; that a sunset, a hug, a memory, or a delicious meal may be all that is needed to provide nurturing relief. My goal in session is to provide compassionate psychoeducation that there are other solutions. And being fortunate thus far to have not lost a client to suicide (although there have admittedly been some close calls), I have witnessed countless recoveries from despair. I have been blessed with the profound rejoice and gratefulness of my clients who thank me for helping them come out better with rejuvenating hope. It is these moments that inspire me to remain in the battle. But the battle has become even more complicated in the digital age.

Just as I am grateful for the love that permeates this planet and protects its citizens, I am also furiously mind-boggled by those who feed hopelessness and encourage reckless destruction. In face-to-face encounters most people cannot carry through with hostile encouragement of another’s suicidal ideation. Behind a computer screen, however, there seem to be many anonymous trolls who lurk to attack and hurt others, getting off on the shared “connection” they may form with a suicidal audience despite its potential destructive consequence.

We have all become aware of dastardly cyberbullying campaigns that have led some to despair, but are you aware that there are actually websites and chat groups that provide instruction and encouragement for suicide? It seems impossible to imagine that people would contribute to that, doesn’t it? Well they do, and it’s our job to step up and do extra to protect the vulnerable from these hostile individuals. Perhaps these enablers insist they are there to provide honest validation and sought-out instruction and that suicide is a real answer for some that are in pain. However, I would argue that most visitors to a site like this are not the terminally ill seeking a peaceful rest, but instead the confused and frightened among us who need a helping hand toward recovery rather than a push in the direction of shattering destruction

If you suspect somebody you know is emotionally struggling, please don’t ignore it or keep her secret. Ask frankly if she is thinking of suicide and commit to finding the help she needs. Love her fully AND get her to a trained mental health expert who can help you both navigate these treacherous emotional waters. And if you are a parent, educate your children and filter their exposure to Internet predators who want so badly to feel important that they will fuel even a descent into emotional hell. Most importantly, have compassion for the pain of the suicidal and those who have lost loved ones.

Rest in peace Robin Williams. I may not agree with your choice, but I offer my love to your soul and all of those who have cared for you and are hurting from your loss.

Has Protective Parenting Put Your Child at Risk? Avatars 100 vs. Villagers 2

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Good parenting can be overwhelming, and we need all the support we can get to do it well. Being pulled in all directions while trying to provide the safest home for our children is leading to problems like isolation and the overuse of screen media. It’s time to address the problems and build a better village. Less screen time, more active parenting, praise, and validation and facilitation are critical! I’ll show you how to get that done in this week’s GetKidsInternetSafe (GKIS) article.

Reflective Listening & Validation

Corbyn* is my ten-year-old son. Yesterday he woke up on a frantic mission to get a Play Station game he wanted. First thing in the morning he hopped out of bed, gathered up his wrinkled dollars and scattered quarters, and counted out $19. Thinking he had $36 saved, he was bitterly disappointed. So naturally, he turned to Sidney*, his 12-year-old sister and BFF, and accused her of stealing $17. Then, still frantic, he turned to the next nearest lightning rods, Mom and Dad, and accused us of not following through when we owe him chore money. He wasn’t attacking in a deliberate, organized way, but rather with a more pained and desperate tone.

I heard of this drama first when Sidney marched into the bathroom while I was putting on my makeup and staged an impressive protest dripping with indignation. When I told her to bring in the offender for a discussion, she sheepishly said, “No, Dad handled it.” (We really get on them for splitting between us when there’s an issue.)

Next, my husband arrived with Corbyn in a body lock trying to tickle the offender into submission. From the tears threatening in my son’s eyes, my heart knew this was not going to do the trick. I understand my son like a lime knows a lemon; we speak the same emotional language. So I broke the offender from his hug prison and attempted good parenting; validation and facilitation of problem-solving.

I know, stop with the shrink talk already. Essentially this means I let Corbyn know that I saw his feelings and heard his plea, then encouraged him to seek a better strategy than attacking his support system one by one. Although tempted, I didn’t yell and threaten, shame, or abandon him to his frenzy. I let my heart do the talking. And it worked.

It went something like this: “Corbyn, I hear you really want that PlayStation Game, and you are disappointed you only have $19. Attacking your best friend and us, your best supporters probably isn’t your best strategy. Maybe you should apologize and ask us for help instead.” Of course, this initially made him more emotional because he let down his guard. But it also gave him the hope and support he needed. Within a few minutes, Corbyn had the plan to collect his birthday money, pick up dog poop, and collect the cash he needed to get his prize. Crisis averted, everybody was happy, and my husband complimented me for being awesome. Most importantly, Corbyn learned an important lesson in problem-solving: chill out, seek your village, and get it done!

My parenting strategy in this instance isn’t groundbreaking, nor am I the perfect parent. But psychology research has demonstrated that validation and facilitation raise emotionally healthy kids. And the lack of it may lead to significant emotional issues.

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In today’s frenzied digital age with parents working more hours than ever and distractions at every turn, we aren’t doing enough good parenting. When I was little, kids were set loose in the neighborhood until a porch light came on. There’s a useful debate to be had about if this was better for children or not. But that aside, what we are inarguably failing at is providing the “It takes a village” sentiment.

Our generation is so afraid of child predators that we have swaddled our children at home. They get bored and drift in front of screens for too many hours; ironically connecting to the very portal that child predators have expertly learned to exploit. YouTube, video games, social media, and the Internet cannot provide the critical parenting skills our kids need to thrive. Keeping them home with unlimited use of technology is neither protection nor providing parental guidance.

I embedded Margaret Heffernen’s brilliant TED talk “Dare to Disagree” at the end of this blog. Her inspiring message is that openly addressing conflict is critical to learning. That we must create an environment for our children that encourages open information, active problem-solving skills, and the moral courage to tackle challenges. That means being too permissive with our kids, or alternatively shutting them down because it takes too much time to parent will leave them vulnerable, without the affection and guidance they need.

As a clinician, I fully agree with Ms. Heffernen. Throughout my career, I have repeatedly seen that a common factor among my most distressed patients is an attachment disruption; a parent who, for a multitude of reasons, wasn’t present for the child. And among those without a strong parenting presence, those that were gifted an attachment from an extended family member, a coach, a teacher, or somebody in the village who cared about them and spent time were saved.

When I was a teenager my father would bait me into fierce debates by saying something mildly offensive. By the end of the discussion, he would skillfully slide into a moderate position on which we could both agree. It wasn’t until I was much older that I recognized he was coaching his sensitive, anxious daughter to confidently defend a position, a skill critical to my happiness and success. And, in an entirely different way, my mother served as a role model for developing important life skills like grit, ambition, and assertiveness. I didn’t get to spend a ton of time with my hard-working parents, but these quality moments were crucial to my development. And beyond my immediate family, I can identify many adults who provided meaningful guidance along the way.

Here are today’s GetKidsInternetSafe TIPS:

  • Spend time and listen:

    • Validate your child’s emotion (“I can see you’re feeling sad”)

    • Identify the problem (“What happened?” “What needs to be solved?”)

    • Facilitate problem-solving (“What’s your goal?” “What steps can get you to your goal?”)

    • Praise (“I love how you talked that through” “You really know how get things done!” “I love how you speak from your heart”)

  • Get your kids involved in activities and with other trusted adults who happily support them.

  • Limit screen media time.

I love the enthusiasm of GetKidsInternetSafe subscribers and can feel the GKIS Revolution building. Thanks for being courageous by facing these issues and taking the extra steps to be more awesome and, rather than pointing fingers at each other, coming together in a commitment to our best parenting. Ironically, the Internet is helping us find our village. Now go out and build it for the kids directly in your community! And don’t forget to forward this article to those who may share your passion.

I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetKidsInternetSafe.

Onward to More Awesome Parenting,

Tracy S. Bennett, Ph.D.
Mom, Clinical Psychologist, CSUCI Adjunct Faculty
GetKidsInternetSafe.com

*name changed to protect child privacy

Photo Credit

Child of the pure, unclouded brow by Nick Kenrick, CC by-NC-SA 2.0

Is it a Scientific Finding or a Sensational Headline?

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The issue that got under my skin today is how sensationalism sells and how this has misled us and distorted “news.” As more of us rely on screens and social media to alert us to important world issues, yellow journalists are setting up fake virtual offices to create inflammatory, sharable articles. Each click-through brings money into their pockets from ads. That means a gullible public pays cons to misinform us. The cons recognize the more outrageous the claim, the more attention they get, and the more money they make. They have learned that repeating inflammatory statements over and over can lead to their adoption as facts. Does an intentionally groomed and misled public threaten American democracy?

The First Amendment

Our founding fathers created our governing system with the expressed intent of rule by the people. To protect the freedom and power of the people to be informed and vote, they wrote the first constitutional amendment protecting the free exercise of religion, the freedom of speech, the freedom of the press, the right to peaceably assemble, and the right to petition for a governmental redress of grievances.

They believed that the free flow of information to the American public from a press that serves as a credible watchdog keeps powerful officials in check. This was considered critical to American freedom.

Sensational Headlines

I started GetKidsInternetSafe (GKIS) because, despite being somewhat tech-savvy with great personal and professional resources, I was struggling to create a workable plan for managing my children’s technology use. I’d take a stab at this and that but either get distracted along the way because the plan was too cumbersome or become completely frustrated and throw up my hands. Ultimately I’d end up doing very little and feeling chronically guilty.

My anxious search was exasperating partly because the Internet is flooded with sensational headlines that exaggerate risk! Even responsible reporters sometimes bypass credible experts in favor of interviewing somebody willing to be provocative rather than factually responsible.

Then another article would counter-react with the opposing but also exaggerated viewpoint. Furthermore, sometimes even credible experts are inaccurately quoted. I was so frustrated trying to get sensible information that had persuasive evidence backing it, that I’d just give up in defeat.

As I turned to my family, friends, and colleagues, they just looked blankly back and said, “Yep! Exactly! I’m paralyzed too. Tracy, if you can’t do it with your expertise, then we’re doomed.”

Doomed? No way, not when it comes to kids. So from there, I sought out the smartest, most creative, most energetic hotshots I knew and launched GKIS. I decided to do the hard work and comb through the psychology research, news articles, academic theories, and tried-and-true parenting strategies to create a comprehensive, easy parenting course that works.

Religion and the Internet

As I was researching for my book Screen Time and Mean Time and my GKIS parenting courses, I ran across an article titled, “America’s Less Religious: Study Puts Some Blame on the Internet,” by Elise Hu on NPR. The article states that as Internet use has grown, people have become less religious. A study by computer scientist Allen Downey reportedly “found a causal relationship among three factors – a drop in religious upbringing, an increase in college-level education, and the increase in Internet use.” A causal relationship? They were saying that less religion causes more internet use and more education. That makes no sense. I’ll tell you why that’s a false claim.

The Experiment

I teach my university students that the only type of study that yields evidence about a causal relationship is an experiment. An experiment is conducted in the laboratory where you take two groups of subjects and expose one to the experimental variable (the independent variable)  and then measure the outcome for both groups (that measurement is the dependent variable). If the groups’ outcomes are the same, your independent variable did not have an impact. If they are more different than could happen by chance, then your independent variable did have an impact. You have to do other things to make sure your experiment is high quality, but the main point is that you have to act upon your subjects – not just survey or observe them.

Observational studies only suggest that there may be a relationship, but they cannot rule out unidentified outside (extraneous) variables that may contribute to the relationship between the study variables. More to the point, because they’re observational, these studies have no way to determine which – if any – of the variables they’re studying is causing the outcome and which is being affected. Causal claims are impossible to support if you have not conducted an experiment.

Yet this NPR article suggests that, since Downey can’t think of that third variable, there must not be one. And with a logistical regression method, voila! He can claim Internet use has killed religion! Pffft. This is a blatant misrepresentation of the data. Yes, based on the statistics those three variables appear to be related. But we don’t know if increased Internet use led to less religion or if less religion led to increased Internet use. A fourth unrecognized variable may have led to both, like maybe Internet use led to more screen time which led to more Facebook which led to more overwhelm which led to less leaving the house which led to less religiosity. I mean honestly, we don’t know until we integrate all variables or, better yet, design an experiment!

In this case, it is unclear to me if the researcher made these irresponsible claims or if the reporter misreported, but the article is flat wrong in its conclusion and misleading to the readers.

Dr. Rochelle Tractenberg

As a social scientist, I was irritated. So, in my ranting mood, I sought out my friend brilliant Georgetown double Ph.D. biostatistician Dr. Rochelle Tractenberg, and asked her to give us a quick and informed comment about her reaction to the NPR story about this study. You can’t get a more credentialed expert with statistics than Dr. Tractenberg. She responded:

My friend and colleague Tracy Bennett asked me to contribute some comments in response to the frustration she felt – and felt she needed to share with you! – after reading the media coverage of what seems, based on this coverage, to be a very weak study. I am a scientist myself, and I coach other scientists in the design and write-up of their work. I completely agree with Tracy about this media coverage!

As a person who sees “scientific articles” every day of the week, I am frustrated by how any “science” gets talked about in newspapers, on TV, blogs, “the Internet,” and radio. Probably the most common problem is that people outside of the field of science often believe that, if a scientific article made it through to publication, then it must be good, true, or right. That is just not true! Just because a paper was published in a “peer-reviewed” journal doesn’t make it good, correct, or meaningful.

I think a wider problem is that

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journalists should not be trusted to sift through what was published to bring “what matters” to the public’s attention.

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Just because a news outlet covers a paper’s having been published doesn’t mean the paper is accurate or even interesting. You might not know that new scientific papers are published every second of every day; probably TWO others were published in the same week on the exact same topic, with the opposite <maybe even the same!> results as whatever paper the media are covering that day. The question the reader must ask is, WHY WAS *THIS PAPER* CHOSEN FOR THIS REPORT? Very probably it was chosen because “it sounded interesting!” The CHOICE to cover a particular paper reflects the journalist’s interest and not the importance of the paper – not for its field and not for the public.

The purpose of scientists in publishing their work is usually to test theories and contribute new knowledge, but journalists’ purposes are to attract readers (if you have ever read a scientific paper, you can see plainly that it was NOT written to attract readers!).

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That means that people who get their “science” from journalists do not actually get “science.”

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Science moves in truly small steps and very few newsworthy “breakthroughs” ever occur, although news media make non-scientists believe that they happen often. Exceptions may come from fields like archeology or astronomy – where observations and not experiments are reported; if a new dinosaur was discovered and reported in the general media then it probably IS important!

Scientific papers follow very specific rules – including that they must consider the work that was done before and how their new results fit with those older results (whether the new results agree or disagree with the dominant theories). They must also always describe the limitations of their work and suggest what more might need to be done in future research.

Media coverage follows very different rules; the article Tracy found was probably chosen because it is provocative – it could not have been chosen for the NPR story because it is true (impossible to tell!) or well done (it wasn’t). I would go so far as to say that all that a reader really can “learn” from a news story on something scientific is that “that research is going on.” A reader should NEVER infer from a news story about research that something important for daily life has been learned.

faculty.photo.may2010Rochelle E. Tractenberg, Ph. D., M.P.H., Ph.D., PStat®
Director, Collaborative for Research on Outcomes and -Metrics
http://crom.gumc.georgetown.edu
Associate Professor
Neurology, Biostatistics, Bioinformatics & Biomathematics, and Psychiatry
Georgetown University Medical Center

[Read more…] about Is it a Scientific Finding or a Sensational Headline?

Opportunity, Concern, Hard Work, Leadership. Time For a GetKidsInternetSafe Revolution!

by

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Like Tracy Chapman crooned, “Talking about a revolution sounds like a whisper.” Each day I am inspired by experiences that seem divinely connected. I hope today’s article, which includes some TED talks and a wacky story about how I met my husband, triggers in you the inspiration to be a smarter parent in the digital age and join the GetKidsInternetSafe (GKIS) Parenting Revolution. It is time!

You know those days when the universe hands you experiences that somehow connect? And when that happens, you feel compelled to DO SOMETHING? It’s as if you’ve just received a gift and must decide whether to unwrap it and delve into something deliciously important or simply fold laundry and carry on with your day?

This morning the universe handed me two TED talks, a psychology ethics and law conference, and a scary clinical story of the week. Morgan referred me to the first TED talk after she saw it in a college education course (embedded at the bottom of this article). In this award winning presentation (2013 TED Prize), educational researcher, Sugata Mitra, describes his brilliant experiment where he placed a computer in a hole in the wall facing a slum in India with no instruction and no supervision. After a few weeks, researchers returned to the computer to find that groups of children had taught themselves, and each other, complex theory, even when it wasn’t in their own language! When he repeated this experiment with an adult standing by to provide praise (still no instruction), the children performed even better! He argues that our education system is outdated and argues for reform. Mr. Mitra’s experiment highlighted some important variables discussed within GetKidsInternetSafe. Specifically, technology is an excellent motivator and learning tool for our children, and adult affection and supervision remains essential for our children’s healthy cognitive and emotional development. He also highlights the need for analysis and redesign to educate our children in the digital age. OPPORTUNITY.

In regard to the clinical situation that struck me this week, ethics restraints inhibit me from describing it in detail. But let me just say it involves two vulnerable adolescents who acted out sexually at school in a way that was clearly inspired by pornography exposure. These types of situations are extremely distressing for all involved and happening at a frequency I’ve never before seen in my 20-year clinical career. CONCERN.

I also attended a law and ethics conference this week. Although my colleagues and I sometimes dread these conferences due to the discussions about informed consent and computer firewalls, I always leave energized make a difference as a psychologist. HARD WORK.

The second TED talk I included illuminates the courage needed to start a movement and touches upon the importance of, not just the movement’s creator, but also the first follower. As a get-to-know-each-other piece, I’ll tell you a story about how I learned that my most comfortable role is first follower and why, although initially irritated about it, I eventually learned to embrace this aspect of my personality (and snag my awesome husband). After all, my leadership style is what pushed me to start a much-needed revolution in parenting in the digital age when I wasn’t seeing enough of us was stepping up to lead. I’m hoping that it will inspire you to analyze what leadership role best fits you and to join the GKIS PARENTING REVOLUTION!

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In the early 1990s, with four years of clinical psychology coursework out of the way, I started my hard-won internship at the local Veterans Administration (VA) Hospital. Within the first month, I signed up to participate in a 4-day Tavistock conference. The mission of this conference was to join an assortment of other mental health professionals to learn about group process. Essentially, the conference participants were tasked to form small groups and interact with each other while trained staff interpreted unconscious process. With this structure, participants learned what role(s) they took in a group by analyzing their own and other’s behaviors during prescribed tasks.

People often ask my husband and me how we met. It is always a fun story to tell them that we met and fell for each other during this weird and wonderful conference. (This is also where my husband says it was a nude conference – which it wasn’t.)

The attended with my friend, Pam, who was a mother of two and the wife of a fundamentalist minister. Being in graduate school, she was exploring all parts of her personality and impulsively attended the conference wearing a leather jacket and smoking cigarettes. (Graduate school made us all a little crazy, ha-ha.) She and I ended up in the same small group as a tall, bearded psychiatry resident from UCLA named Dan. It wasn’t long into the first day when I found myself seeking him out during the breaks. I remember becoming intrigued by his rebellious spirit and when he made some sort of Greek mythology reference, I swooned because I found him brilliant, sexy, and Tracy-level nerdish.

So to make a long story short, despite my efforts to pretend I was a consummate professional and not lusting on this mysterious psychiatry resident, Dan and I ended up co-leaders to the weirdest assortment of characters at the conference. Normally, I would have bailed on this group of wacky strangers in favor of joining friends, but I didn’t want to leave Dan, and he didn’t want to leave me. So fresh out of the Navy and disgusted with our hippy ideas, Dan shook his head as we voted for a “tribal leadership” style. This meant we took turns leading based on the group we were meeting, including my friend Pam’s group who wore crowns of leaves, called themselves “Athena,” and would only acknowledge the women in our group. See? Crazy town.

Just to touch on some highlights of our weird conference, let me say that many people dropped out from the stress. Our group took double lunches and was the only group to refuse staff support. By the end the conference, our group was voted the most in need of psychological intervention. (I exaggerate, but it’s mostly true.) Also by the end of the four days, Dan and I were half out of our minds with weird psychology process and attraction for each other. We learned so much about how we tend to lead as individuals, and this knowledge inspires me to step up when I see a need and to enlist support to make a real difference. As Dan and I walked to our cars to go home the last day, he became the first (and last) man I ever actually asked out. And, true to what we learned in the conference, we teach our three kids that being a leader is a gift that must be developed.

My anxiety about what I was seeing in practice and in my own home inspired me to start www.GetKidsInternetSafe.com. It is evident from the feedback I am getting and the learning along the way that we more than education, WE NEED A GetKidsInternetSafe PARENTING REVOLUTION!

The “Hole in the Wall” TED talk pointed out that our kids have mind-blowing learning opportunities if we embrace it with them! My clinical experiences tell me that some real damage is being done because we aren’t doing our best parenting, and the time to act is NOW! And the ethics conference reminded me that putting work into a new project is intimidating and sometimes difficult, but doing the right thing always outweighs the easy thing. And finally, the “How to Start a Movement” TED talk confirmed that it is time we take the reins in this Wild West time of unsupervised/unregulated technology. I’m up dancing people, grab your jazz hands and run to the grassy knoll. We have some real work to do!

There are lots of inspiring posts on my GetKidsInternetSafe Facebook page. Please give me some “likes” by connecting with the grey social media buttons on the side bar and recommend www.GetKidsInternetSafe.com to those you would grab by the hand to join you for an inspired interpretive dance! Time to get the GKIS PARENTING REVOLUTION launched!

I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetKidsInternetSafe.

Onward to More Awesome Parenting,

Tracy S. Bennett, Ph.D.
Mom, Clinical Psychologist, CSUCI Adjunct Faculty
GetKidsInternetSafe.com

Photo credits:

Trambourmajor by Niels Linneberg, CC by-NC-SA 2.0

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