Jason Reitman’s movie Men, Women, and Children got it right. Well, maybe not satisfyingly “right,” but it highlighted some scary, hard-to-manage technology-related tragedies that are happening to everyday families more often than we want to admit. This movie is not entertaining. It’s dark. It’s dramatic. And it highlights the very issues that I’ve been ranting about for a while now; issues that prompted me to create www.GetKidsInternetSafe.com to make a positive difference for families on a larger scale than my clinical practice.
So first, let’s talk turkey about this movie. Sunday night I went to one of the two theaters showing #MWC in Los Angeles prior to its public release October 17th. Watching the movie with my psychiatrist husband was distressingly similar to our Tuesday at work in clinical practice. Like in a psychologist’s office, the big screen offered an intimate and distressing view of families suffering various forms of tragedy related to unchecked Internet and social media use. Audiences may argue “this is Hollywood hyperbole at its finest.” I would argue, however, that if you think this is far from reality, you have your head buried in fantasies of yesteryear. And if you are self-righteously thinking your children would never behave like this, all I can say is “good luck with that.” I commonly treat very skilled parents with loving and attentive families who end up mired in technology quicksand. No family is immune to technology tragedy if you own screen media.
You haven’t seen the movie? Well, you should only go to see it if you want to see some dark truths and are courageous enough to be an informed parent. In my clinical opinion, the most dangerous state of being is overly confident. It is the overly confident that think they can break the rules a little and it won’t matter much…until they don’t stop at a little and it matters a ton. I’ve watched this process play out on my therapy couch hundreds of times over 20 years. It’s not the cautious and the dim that get into impressive tangles, it’s the capable and the confident.
What tangles are portrayed in the movie? The same ones portrayed in my smallish suburban town. Here’s the list of tragic characters (spoiler alert!):
Allison is a beautiful, innocent adolescent girl struggling with emotional estrangement from her family who becomes a diligent student of how-to-be-anorexic websites. Hungry and confused she seeks advice from other eating disordered website members and begs for emotional validation by engaging in awkward, humiliating sex with a brutally exploitive older boy. Not enough tragedy for one character? Her secret life is ultimately exposed in a tragically humiliating hospital scene with slut-shaming parents, and later her personal empowerment thwarted through mild cyberstalking and vandalism.
Hannah is another beautiful but not-so-innocent adolescent girl who gets her self worth from her sexual predator fandom that buy her compliance via a T & A website managed by her mother, Donna Clint. Mom is a mildly successful actress who passes on multigenerational trauma related to her own shallow objectification. Mom exploits her daughter’s sexuality in order to give her access to the shallow dream of fame and fortune. Mom shows remorse as their plans come crumbling down along with their precious mother-daughter relationship. This prescribes to the “it’s only wrong if I get caught” primitive level of moral development. I ended up unfairly disliking the girl and somehow empathizing with the stupid mother. I can only blame my irrational emotional responses to the superior acting of Olivia Crocicchia and Judy Greer.
Character Brandy Beltmeyer commands the spotlight as the daughter of a terrified, over-controlling mother played by Jennifer Garner. Brandy’s seemingly authentic vulnerability gets shattered when we learn of her emo alter ego who lives on a secret Tumblr profile. I found myself rooting for this character most of all, as she works to individuate despite the impressive stranglehold of her very capable, cyber-addicted Mom. Thank you Reitman for debunking the myth that epic lockdown of technology is not going to do the trick.
Tim Mooney steals the show as an adolescent boy who feels defined solely by his football prowess and gaming addiction and decides to throw in the towel in favor of Existential crisis and victimhood via cyberbullying; mix in a delicate adolescent romance and a dash of maternal abandonment, and we’ve got a perfect recipe for suicide.
Chris Truby shows us the danger of internet porn addiction as we see him stumble into progressively more disturbing levels of sadomasochistic porn until his sexuality becomes an insecure tangle of titillation, hurt, and confusion. Reitman demonstrates with this character that boys can also be targeted for sexual exploitation. Parents protect your daughters AND your sons.
And the parents in this movie! They are not immune to tragedy either. Reitman gets it right portraying adults that are screen media victims as well. In addition to the parents already described, please welcome Lydia Mooney, a romance-addicted mother who abandons her family for a FaceBook friend. She attempts to protect her suffering son from the painful truth with poorly executed photo blocking. Her choices smack of selfish grandstanding…or do they?
And finally, the audience is treated to Don and Helen Truby (played by Adam Sandler and Rosemarie DeWitt), a pervy, middle-aged couple bored with their relationship who find sexual outlets via the Internet hookup sites that scratch that itch. Does infidelity work to save a stale marriage? Go see the movie and find out!
Ultimately, Reitman leaves us with intentionally vague and ultimately unsatisfying resolutions. We feel defeated and lucky to not be “those people.”
As a psychologist who has been witness to so many of these issues, I fear we are all a few clicks away from “those people”…even with our best efforts. I agree with Reitman’s unsettling message that our Internet addictions are pervasively risky. There’s no doubt in my mind that Pandora’s box is wide open, and it’s time for a GetKidsInternetSafe revolution.
I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetKidsInternetSafe.
Onward to More Awesome Parenting,
Tracy S. Bennett, Ph.D.
Mom, Clinical Psychologist, CSUCI Adjunct Faculty
www.GetKidsInternetSafe.com
photo credit: “Family Restroom” by Karyn Christner, cc by 2.0
Don't worry, we will never spam you.
