college

When Young Athletes Look to Twitter to Showcase Talent and Track Sports News: An Inside Look

April 4, 2023 by Keith Ferries

Imagine being a teenager getting ready for the big game, whether it’s soccer, basketball, or football. Your anxiety is buzzing as you try to stay focused. Friends and family are in the stands and your coaches are lasered in on you. Now imagine that, in addition to your friends, family, and coaches watching, there are also the college scouts and your scholarship is on the line. The weight of the world is on your shoulders. One false move and the dream you have been working on for years may be dashed. Now let’s add one more layer and imagine that right before you head onto the field you check your phone one last time. You tweet about being pumped because your social media engagement impacts your future in BIG ways. Then, ping, a stranger tweets about how you suck and that you will never make it in college sports…

How to Play the Game on Twitter

Although athletics are highlighted on many social media platforms, Twitter leads the pack for athletes to showcase their talent. Unfortunately, it’s also a place for people to troll, vent, and attack an athlete’s performance. While the public discusses their opinions of statistics and abilities, those who may impact your future watch the fray silently.

Often college offers are announced and celebrated on Twitter, leaving those who were passed up feeling shocked and demoralized. To better understand what that is like to have your talent showcased on Twitter, I recently interviewed a college quarterback named John*.

John was a 3-star athlete, which translates into being in the top ten percent of high school quarterbacks in the nation.[1] In high school, many college coaches were competing to recruit him. Other quarterbacks were in the same boat, all on Twitter tracking stats and who was tweeting about whom. He told us that a range of emotions was at play, elaborating, “When you see the tweets on how good another quarterback is, how he is ranked higher than you, and how he got his scholarship, those tweets make you more hungry to win.”

How to Make Twitter Work for You

We asked John if, alongside motivation, he often felt despair, But John insisted that, in his case, he didn’t consider Twitter to be all that bad. “It was a great way for me to reach out to schools, to put up my stats, and to get positive feedback from prospective coaches in the off-season. If I had a good game, I made sure to send it to colleges the next day and post it for others to see.” He said that when he wants news, all he has to do is look to the internet. When I asked about what would happen if he had a bad game, he chuckled and said, “When you have a bad game, people will post it for you. No need to worry about that.” Unfortunately, not every child can always take the negative and turn it into a positive. Our Screen Safety Essentials Course is a great way for your teen to learn to help them think before they tweet.

Everyone’s a Critic

When speaking with John about Twitter and college, he said that things change from high school to college. “ There isn’t too much negativity on a high school player when they have a bad game, but that all goes out the window when you get to college. Betters [people gambling on the game] will always have something to say when you don’t perform like they hoped you would.”

According to cbssports.com, in a single sports season up to eight billion dollars are wagered.[2] To give a perspective of what eight billion is, that is what Instacart was valued at in 2019.[3] The college football season is about four months long, with the regular season being 12 games per team.

John elaborated, “If I had a bad game, it wasn’t uncommon for me to delete the Twitter app because I was already beating myself up enough for the loss. I didn’t need to hear it from people that don’t play the game. Breaks off social media are great because you have to kinda get in check with your reality.” I asked about tweets in high school hurting him or anyone he knew at the time. He responded, “Most people are pretty forgiving to high school kids as long as it’s nothing really bad. Your coaches care about you and do help guide you. If you make a mistake and tweet something bad, your high school coach and any coach interested in you at the college level will usually talk to you. These things I have seen have usually been a learning experience. However, when you get to the college level, that all changes. They expect you to be an adult and act accordingly.” For example, in 2015, professional quarterback Josh Allen was projected to be the first draft pick of the NFL until an old Tweet of his from high school days resurfaced. His status dropped to seventh, translating into a lot of money lost. To help prepare your tween or teen on how to handle such situations, GKIS has a great Social Media Readiness Course.

Overall, the athlete we spoke to loved playing and everything about it. John said there were times that weren’t as much fun but he took what was given to him and made it work for him. He turned a mean tweet into motivation to work harder than the next guy. When asked what advice he’d give a young athlete, he said, “Don’t waste energy on something that is out of your control. It’s only going to bring you down.”

Other Tips for How to Avoid the Pitfalls

Before you allow your tween or teen to go on social media, require that they take our Social Media Ready Course. This information optimizes the chances that they’ll not fall victim to digital injuries and maintain the best psychological wellness practice.
Review with your teen how to promote themselves and build a positive brand and how to avoid negativity and online conflict. We offer these strategies in our Screen Safety Essentials Course.
Detox from social media on occasion to regroup and gain perspective.
Keep good company with coaches, friends, and family. Accept support from those who support you on and off the field
Reframe negativity online so it motivates you. Don’t let it take a negative hold on your attitude toward the same, your competitors, or yourself.

If you found this blog article interesting, please check out some of our other GKIS articles about Twitter.

The GKIS Sensible Parent’s Guide to Twitter

How to Spot an Internet Troll

Showcasing Child Talent Online Leads to Exploitation and Scams

Thanks to CSUCI intern Keith Ferries for interviewing John, doing the research, and writing this article.

I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetKidsInternetSafe.

Onward to More Awesome Parenting,

Tracy S. Bennett, Ph.D.
Mom, Clinical Psychologist, CSUCI Adjunct Faculty
GetKidsInternetSafe.com

*John is a fictional name to allow the athlete interviewed to remain anonymously

Work Cited

[1] Nusser, J. (2018, December 15). Seeing stars: 247Sports, Rivals, and ESPN star-rating systems explained. Coug Center. https://www.cougcenter.com/wsu-football-recruiting/2013/2/5/3956800/rivals-scout-espn-247-star-rating-system-national-signing-day

[2] Dodd. D. (2022, November 17). College sports’ overlooked gambling issue: Improprieties being ignored as betting soars nationwide. Cbssports.com. https://www.cbssports.com/college-football/news/college-sports-overlooked-gambling-issue-improprieties-being-ignored-as-betting-soars-nationwide/

[3] Gebel, M. (2022, November 17). 30 companies worth at least $1 billion that didn’t exist 10 years ago. Businessinsider.com. Retrieved December 3, 2019, from https://www.businessinsider.com/companies-unicorns-worth-1-billion-didnt-exist-10-years-ago-2019-11

Photo Credits

[1] Photographer unknown

https://www.pexels.com/photo/2-football-player-running-after-person-holding-football-during-daytime-in-shallow-focus-photography-159571/

[2]Photographer Unknown

https://www.pexels.com/photo/red-blue-and-yellow-textile-5417837/

[3] Photographer Unknown

https://www.stockvault.net/photo/119697/usd-bills-close-up#

Harvard Revoked Acceptance Because of Stupid Social Media Post Memes

November 14, 2019 by Isabel Campos

“First impressions are everything.” This once referred to tone, dress, and personality. Now, it also refers to your social media page. Teens rack up an average of 6 hours per day of social mediag.[1] They not only browse endlessly, but many also post impulsively. With immature prefrontal brain development, kids and teens are unable to anticipate consequences. Plus, the internet culture is vulgar, shocking, and celebrates pushing moral limits. Using profanity, sub-tweeting and cyberbullying are common. Using principles from Dr. Bennett’s book, Screen Time in the Mean Time: A Parenting Guide to Get Kids and Teens Internet Safe, this article covers how to best guide your teen through the social media dilemmas of cyberspace.

Social media is the perfect place to “out” your enemies.

My friend “Catherine” used to expose her ex-boyfriends on Facebook. Once she posted, “He says he’s over me, but he just came to my house and cried.” Often, she’d think twice and delete her post. Other times, her ex-boyfriends posted angry responses outing her bad behavior back.

My friend “Robert” also shared a personal story. This is one about Myspace going wrong. When he was in the eighth grade, his high school sophomore girlfriend sent him sexy selfies. Robert showed his friends the photos. Although he refused to text them directly, a friend hacked his phone and sent himself the photos. Within a few days, the girl’s family and the police were at Robert’s door. Her photos had been posted on Myspace. Although Robert did not directly post her photos, he was held responsible because they were initially on his phone.

Online Behavior Matters

We love our podcasts at GKIS. In one of our favorites called Hidden Brain. The “You Can’t Hit Unsend” episode tells the story of William, whose social media posts destroyed a golden opportunity with Harvard.[2]

William was a brilliant high school senior from Pennsylvania. He was a great student who played competitive golf and performed for the local symphony. Although he didn’t believe he was “Harvard material,” he applied anyway. He was accepted through the early admission process and was overcome with joy. In the excitement of his acceptance, Will quickly joined an online group chat to meet other incoming freshmen.

One chatroom that focused on sharing memes was particularly funny. As the chatroom friends grew closer, they exchanged increasingly “edgier” memes, riding the fence between funny and offensive. To be added to the subgroup chat, at least one edgy meme had to be shared in the main group chat. As time passed, the memes increased in explicitness, oftentimes referring to outrageous, violent, and sexual topics. Will states that members of the chat knew that their meme was good based on how many likes and fire emojis members commented afterward.

The admissions department at Harvard University learned of the private chatroom and investigated. Harvard withdrew admission offers from ten prospective students because of their participation.

Will shared that he will always remember the last sentence of the email, “Harvard can withdraw admission under various conditions, including if you engage or have engaged in behavior that brings into question your honesty, maturity, or moral character.” Now he recognizes how adults would be offended and regrets his posts. He apologized, “It is far too easy to act out of character behind a screen in a fast-paced setting and to say things I would never say or even think of in my everyday life.”

The Harvard student newspaper later published the story. Soon after, the story was everywhere, including CNN and Fox News. Will and his family were devastated.

He waited a year and applied to other schools, only to be rejected by all ivy league universities. Will’s voice broke with emotion as he spoke of the experience. Fortunately, his emotional honesty appealed to a physics department chair at a school he was waitlisted at, and he was ultimately granted admission.

College Recruiters and Managers Search Applicants Online

Social media posts can make or break a teen’s future. The relationship between your digital footprint and personality is about as constant as the relationship between personality and behavior, also known as “the personality coefficient.“[3] That means that your behavior on your social media profile is a reliable source of information about your personality.[4]

Many college admission officers and employers use online data to investigate prospective students or employees. While the internet is fun and creates a space for creativity and connection, adolescents can make dire mistakes online just as they do offline. Instead of those mistakes happening in front of a few close friends and family, they can be blasted out to millions. Social media profiles produce large amounts of user-generated data that may be used and sold in ways we cannot anticipate.[5]

As social media evolves, parenting tactics must evolve as well. That means educating yourself about the risks of posting and challenging your kids to explore online risk with ongoing empowering dialogue.

Here are a few ways you can prep them today:

Use our free GKIS Connected Family Screen Agreement to set parameters and create a screen-friendly, cooperative dialogue.
Engage in fun co-viewing, both with passive screen use (TV) and interactive screen use (browsing the internet). Fun projects may include researching a particular topic using various learning formats (articles, videos, images).
Find food recipes and cook a meal together.
Co-create a movie – complete with music, still-image slides, videos, and graphics.[6]
Work together to purposely stylize your family’s cyber footprint. Ensure that that footprint will work for you rather than against you.
Act as a role model on social media and encourage responsible posting.
Block, filter, and track online behavior using the tools offered in our GKIS Screen Safety Toolkit.

Internet sites can collect and analyze large quantities of data from everyday devices.[7] This information provides more opportunities to use data in deceitful ways. With helpful GKIS tools, you can best prepare yourself and your teens.

Thanks to Isabel Campos for her research and help with writing this article. Interested in learning more about current cyberspace news? Signup for weekly GKIS articles by entering your name and email address at GetKidsInternetSafe.com!

I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetKidsInternetSafe.

Onward to More Awesome Parenting

Tracy S. Bennett, Ph.D.
Mom, Clinical Psychologist, CSUCI Adjunct Faculty
GetKidsInternetSafe.com

Photo Credits

Photo by Pixabayon Pexels
Photo by Brett Sayles from Pexels
Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash
Photo by picjumbo.com from Pexels

Works Cited

[1](Granet 2016)
[2](Hidden Brain, 2019)
[3](Meyer, Finn, Eyde, Kay, Moreland, Dies, Reed, 2001)
[4](Meyer, Finn, Eyde, Kay, Moreland, Dies, Reed, 2001)
[5](Azucar, Marengo, & Settanni, 2018)
[6](Bennett, 2019)
[7](Granet 2016)

Social Media Culture: Flexing on the Gram

March 26, 2019 by Dr. Tracy Bennett

Does Lil Tay sound like a nine-year-old your child knows? The “youngest flexer of the century” was an internet sensation before her materialistic persona dragged her and her family down. With two million followers, Lil Tay didn’t shy away from using profanity to call other people broke or kick a Rolls-Royce. Accessories in her posts included wads of cash and million-dollar homes.[7] She isn’t the first or only young one showing off money and what it can buy. What is this social media trend?

Flexing on the Gram

Flexing (showing off wealth) on the Gram (Instagram) is a popular social media trend.[3] Upcoming celebrities like “Gucci Gang” rapper Lil Pump flex on the gram to prove they’ve made it to the top.[4] His image is particularly known for flashing Gucci threads head to toe. When critics say he’s inadequate, Lil Pump argues his expensive clothing makes him worthy.

Other social media celebrities flex to build their brand in the same way. Rubber bands of cash and expensive goods bring millions of followers. Riches reflect success and outrageous posts attract engagement.

Internet personality RiceGum is a perfect example. His YouTube diss tracks are notorious for bragging about his money, cars, and a million-dollar home. His lyrics talk about how all those things make him better than other YouTube stars.[3]

Instagram Envy Leads to Compare and Despair

With a continuous stream of real-time, unfiltered, unedited, and freshly published posts, fans have an on-demand, front-row seat to the rich and famous.[1] The compare and despair of watching friends, celebrities, and idols live lavish lifestyles makes them believe they too need cars, houses, and clothes to succeed in life.[3] Ariana Grande promotes the idea in her hit single “7 Rings,” “Whoever said money can’t solve your problems must not have had enough money to solve ’em.” [6]

Social psychologists call this new phenomenon Instagram Envy.[1] Child psychologist, Allen Kanner, states that children believe, “If I could have this product that’s associated with all of this success, then I’m going to be able to join this world. I’ll feel better about myself.”[4]

Provoking envy and anxiety make fans want to spend, leading a generation too willing to go into impulsive buying and higher levels of debt.[8] A 2017 analysis discovered a rise in credit card debt for young adults 18 – 20 years old where the average amount owed was $611.[1]

Studies have found that materialism (holding material things as too important) among children may cause them to become overly focused on what they can gain from friends and family and contribute to more self-centeredness and aggression.[8]

In extreme cases, children blame their parents for not providing the wealth they desire. When their parents can’t help them, children buy high fashion knockoffs. For example, replicas of Kanye West’s designer sneakers called “Yeezys” are highly sought after.[5]

Profits made from these fake designer goods fund illegal organizations. These organizations take part in “terrorism and the trafficking of drugs, people, sex, and wildlife.”[5]

It’s difficult to explain to children that not everything that glitters is gold. Studies have shown that being rich and famous are top priorities for today’s generation.[1]

Social media has given a false idea that such a lifestyle is easily achieved overnight. However, most of the money shown off on social media doesn’t really belong to the person who’s posting about it.[7] Children forget that social media is a staged reality.[8] For instance, the cars and mansions Lil Tay posed in actually belonged to the homes that her mother represented as a realtor.[7]

Why do people show off on social media?

Some show off on social media to make a statement to the world.[3] They feeling driven to prove they’ve made it to the top.[3] But instead of feeling happy once they buy the thing they’ve longed for, research demonstrates that they end ups feeling anxious and dissatisfied.[9]

Others show off “to arouse jealousy, envy, or other negative emotions” in others.[2] They create Instagram Envy to prove that they can’t be overshadowed.[2]

Some people believe that showing off their money will bring them more friends.[3] Teens are particularly vulnerable to the need for attention and validation.

Ideas About How to Start a Fun Conversation with Your Kids

Here at GetKidsInternetSafe, we want your children to dream big and accomplish their aspirations. Social media takes down walls to show that all-star athletes and pop artists were once normal kids too. They did their homework and helped their mother with the groceries. Be wary of the messages that Instagram Envy and Flexing tell our children. Counter the social media culture by having in-depth conversations on concepts your kids have yet to think about. For example:

Showing off material wealth on social media brings fans, not friends.

Teaching your kids that, rather than bringing more friends, studies have shown that people prefer to be friends with someone with a simpler lifestyle.[3] These fake friends often have ulterior motives.[2]

How does wealth affect relationships with friends? Genuine friends will always be by your side whether you’re rich or poor.

Can you have quality relationships if you’re breaking others down to build yourself up?

Wealth comes from a good work ethic.

Children are brainwashed into thinking that being disrespectful and obscene on the internet can easily roll in cash. Doing dangerous pranks, making hurtful comments, and participating in age-inappropriate activities are just a few examples. Start a discussion about how wealth actually comes about.

What is a good work ethic?

What is perseverance, and what do people learn from it? Making a sustainable income doesn’t happen overnight. Most successful people put in hours of hard work before making it to the top. Some fail a few times before catching their big break. Enduring the journey toward success will teach you more about yourself than the shortcut.

Follow uplifting social media sites created to inspire with positivity and stories of hope.

Some posts give advice or insight to encourage others.[2] That’s why impoverished children idolize the Instagram profiles of famous rappers who came from the same projects.[4] They see someone from the same struggling upbringing break the barriers for a better life.[4]

Your values define your definition of “wealth.”

People value different things, and what we value forms our idea of what wealth is. These values change throughout our lives as we learn through our experiences. As children grow through their personal journeys, help them become the best versions of themselves.

What are your dreams?
What kind of image do you want for yourself?
Do you want to help make the world a better place?
Is passion for your career worth more than money in your pocket?
Is working countless hours of overtime worth it for a fancy car?
In what ways does it benefit family life or take away from it?

These examples will help you start a mutual, complex conversation with your children so they can think further than celebrating a Rolls Royce. You’ll be able to pass on your wisdom, navigate their confusion, and give them the confidence to aim higher.

Thanks to Hanna Dangiapo for covering this modern topic! Want to learn more ways to protect your child from RiceGum-like content? Check out Dr. Bennett’s GKIS Connected Family Online Course

I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetKidsInternetSafe.

Onward to More Awesome Parenting,

Tracy S. Bennett, Ph.D.
Mom, Clinical Psychologist, CSUCI Adjunct Faculty
GetKidsInternetSafe.com

Works Cited

[1] Anderson, Lane & Taylor, Amanda. “The Instagram effect: How the psychology of envy drives consumerism.” Deseret News: U.S. & World, 19 September 2016.

[2] Dholakia, Utpal M. “Why People Should Stop Bragging on Social Media.” Psychology Today, 19 February 2018.

[3]Dodgson, Lindsay. “’Flexing’ or bragging about your expensive things may stop you from making friends, research shows.” Insider, 15 January 2019.

[4] Nittle, Nadra. “Lil Pump Loves Gucci, and His Teen Fans Are Buying In.” Racked, 9 February 2018.

[5] O’Donnell, Lynne. “Fake fashion fuels vast illegal profits, funding terrorism and trafficking.” The Star, 28 February 2017.

[6] Social House & TBHits. “7 rings.” Genius, 2019.

[7] Tenbarge, Kat. “Lil Tay Deleted All of Her Instagram Posts and Issued an Ominous Message.” Inverse, 5 July 2018.

[8] Vandana, Usha Lenka. “A review on the role of media in increasing materialism among children.” ScienceDirect, 2014.

[9] [2] Diwan, Romesh. (2000). Relational wealth and the quality of life. Journal of Socio-Economics, 29(4), 305. https://doi-org.summit.csuci.edu/10.1016/S1053-5357(00)00073-1

Photo Credits

Photo byDavid LezcanoonUnsplash

Photo by Colin WattsonUnsplash

Photo byalan KingonUnsplash

Photo by Anders NordonUnsplash

Photo byfreestocks.orgon Unsplash

Photo byNeONBRANDon Unsplash

The Social Media Teen Résumé. How to Expertly Stylize Your Cyber Footprint to Attract College and Employment Opportunities

November 27, 2018 by Dr. Tracy Bennett

Does your teen know how to safeguard their future by cleaning up their social media? I was recently invited to present at a local National Charity League meeting with high school seniors on the topic, “The Cyber Footprint.” Typically, I speak to parents rather than teens about screen safety. But for this group, I went the extra mile. Today’s GetKidsInternetSafe article is a blueprint for how teens can turn a social media footprint from devastating to standout for college and summer or internship employment opportunities.

A digital footprint can make you look good!

Most of us are aware that social media content can have long-lasting negative effects on reputation. That’s why parents monitor child posts. But what many people don’t realize is that having no digital footprint or a dull virtual self can also be a liability (work against you).

In the professional and college worlds, it is widely assumed that having no cyber footprint reflects a lack of productivity and know-how. Not only is it important to have a positive online presence to avoid being screened out of opportunity, but you must also stand out to be selected.

Do employers and colleges care what you post online?

Yes, they do! Not only do employers recruit via social media, but they also screen out potential hires based on your posts and comments.

A 2016 survey conducted by the Society for Human Resource Management revealed:

Recruiting via social media is growing, with 84% of corporations using it currently and 9% planning to use it.
44% of HR professionals agreed that a job candidate’s public social media profile can provide information about work-related performance.
36% of organizations have disqualified a job candidate in the past year because of concerning information (e.g., an illegal activity or a discrepancy with an application) found on a public social media profile or through an online search.

When should you start stylizing your cyber footprint?

…as soon as you’re old enough to care about post-high school education and employment – if not sooner! It’s never too early to consider who you don’t and do want to be online and offline. Using social media to showcase special talents, like art, dancing, modeling, and acting can work for you.

Before using social media for publicity, here are some critical points to consider for safety.

STEP ONE: Cleanse your social media profiles and cyber footprint of content that doesn’t make you look good.

Google yourself and track down and delete unwanted content.

If you’re lucky, you don’t have years of unflattering comments or images to track down, but you won’t know what employers may find until you Google your name first.

Back up your old profile data before you delete your account.

Expect that it may take a few weeks for your chosen social media platform to delete your old profile and allow you to create a new one.

Cleanse all social media profiles, even those set to private.

In some states, it’s legal for employers and college application counselors to ask for social media usernames and passwords. Refusing to do so may cost you. That means it’s necessary to delete inappropriate images, comments, and shares such as those involving drugs, alcohol, sexuality, profanity, cyberbullying, poor spelling/grammar, political affiliations, and off-color jokes.

Social media platforms purposely make it difficult to have more than one personal account or delete your old accounts and start over. Not only does Facebook require you to use a new email address and phone number to create a new profile, but you will lose all of your friends, favorites, photos, messages, comments, and games.

They don’t want you to delete your old profile because they lose ownership over your content. The more metadata they collect about your online activities such as likes and dislikes, the more profit they can make saturating your online time with targeted ads. Since we now select what we want to view rather than being captive television and commercial watchers, advertisers are hungry to capture every opportunity to get our attention. That means we are blitzed with 5,000 ads a day in contrast to 500 ads in the 1970s.

Are you ready to reveal an impressive school or job candidate who is searchable for the right people? Recreating your best virtual self isn’t easy!

STEP TWO: Create an irresistible virtual you!

Choose two or three popular social media platforms.

Quality is more important than quantity. Rather than do a poor job on several platforms, focus on doing a great job with a few.

LinkedIn, Instagram, and Twitter are currently the most popular social media platforms. Get familiar with them to take advantage of useful features. For example, set appropriate privacy settings and avoid default responses in favor of your own words.

Visualize your perfect virtual self and plan before you tackle the project.

Search out those who are doing it right and create a swipe file (think Pinterest). A swipe file is a digital folder where you store your favorite examples of content and style. Keep your eyes open for catchy headlines and titles, image ideas, and potential networking connections. Incorporating multimedia, like colorful and unique images and videos, attracts attention and effectively communicates concepts.

Be strategic, concise, and innovative.

Your online profile is not as formal as a résumé. Be fun and creative while displaying your ideas, research, products, and activities. Proofread. Delete any extra words and avoid big blocks of text by using bullet points and breaking up content into titled sections. Include keywords for search engine optimization.

Blogs can be highly effective, as storytelling is an awesome way to stand out and show rather than tell. Become an author and illustrator. Be the clever, positive, well-rounded person you’d want to work with.

Friend and join influential others.

Every opportunity I’ve ever gotten was the result of good relationships. Not only are your productivity skills critical to success, but so is networking.

Use social media as it’s intended, to connect with like-minded others who fuel and enrich your creativity and protect your confidence. That includes clubs, organizations, special interest groups, and corporations as well as impressive individuals. Don’t friend people you don’t know or haven’t reached out to personally.

Stimulate online engagement and stay active.

Attracting interesting others is one thing but keeping them warmly engaged with valuable content is key to longevity. Just as you do with your friends, be available and share interesting articles you know your online contacts will like. Creating reciprocity will keep others interested in you and generous with potentially valuable invitations and introductions.

6 WAYS TO MAKE YOUR ONLINE PROFILE A COLLEGE/EMPLOYER MAGNET

Switch from teen personal to adult professional with a first-person tone that is warm and welcoming. Make certain any content that a future employer may see as inappropriate or silly has been deleted.

Write a mission statement detailing what opportunities you are looking for. Avoid buzzwords and lingo. Stick to what’s relevant.

Keep your connections education- and employment-focused. Don’t get frivolous and network with everybody. Be selective and seek out those who may lead to mutual opportunity.

Include an attractive headshot.

Include contact information, an email link, and custom URLs for your website or other social media profiles.

Highlight impressive activities/achievements related to education, employment, & community service. Testimonials and endorsements are powerful. Make sure your online profiles are consistent with the content on your résumé.

My best friend’s mother always said, “It’s just as easy to fall in love with a successful man as a loser.” The same can be said about landing your dream job rather than settling for what’s convenient. On the other hand, you’ve got to start somewhere!

As a teen, I worked for a drug store and learned how to be a responsible employee, cashier, organize and stock, and deal with difficult customers. I also learned this position was not for me long-term. From there I landed jobs in accounting, research, and administration, each providing me with business skills that are still paying off today.

Don’t pressure yourself into thinking today’s profile will immediately lead to your dream job. This is scaffolding. One job will lead to another and so on, ultimately building the very best you. Enjoy the creativity of the journey. Take time to daydream about design elements and all of the ways you can blossom.

Have good ideas of your own to improve a digital footprint? Please share with us in the comment section below.

Onward to More Awesome Parenting,

Tracy S. Bennett, Ph.D.
Mom, Clinical Psychologist, CSUCI Adjunct Faculty
GetKidsInternetSafe.com

Works Cited

Society for Human Resource Management

http://www.ncsl.org/research/telecommunications-and-information-technology/employer-access-to-social-media-passwords-2013.aspx

Photo Credits

Woman and Young Girl In Kitchen With Laptop Smiling by GSCSNJ, CC BY-NC 2.0

Passed Out Sean by Tim Williams, CC by 2.0

Photo by rawpixel on Unsplash

San Francisco State by Lui2014-SFSU-435, CC BY-NC-ND 2.0

Virtual Kidnapping, A Parent’s Worst Nightmare. How to Protect Yourself and Your Family.

January 20, 2018 by Dr. Tracy Bennett

Virtual kidnapping scams are on the rise and, since it is difficult to identify the perpetrator, they are unlikely to go away. Last week a Facebook friend posted about a terrifying telephone scam. She encouraged me to share her story. Be warned, it’s really upsetting, and it’s a true story! It’s worth the read so you won’t fall emotional and financial victim to scammers, phishers, and extortionists.

“Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! He’s got me! He’s got me!”

A mother’s WORST NIGHTMARE, and it happened to me Saturday morning.

I was at home working in my office when my cell phone rang. I picked it up and heard a girl screaming and crying, “Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! He’s got me! He’s got me!” Then a male voice saying, “Shut the f__ up b___!” The girl’s voice sounded like my daughter who is living away for graduate school.

The world beneath me fell away. I can’t tell you the fear I felt. This VILE man spoke to me in a thick accent telling me what he is going to do to her, and after he’s finished with her he will send her home to me in pieces if I don’t give him money right now.

I kept talking to him on speaker while dialing 911. The dispatcher said, “Stay on the phone, police have been dispatched.” Within minutes a special crime unit arrived.

For the next twenty minutes, I spoke to the “kidnapper” while the police coached my questions and traced the call. I demanded he put her on the phone and text me her picture. He continued to threaten terrible things. Meanwhile, our calls to my daughter went to voicemail, so they sent Arizona police her work.

My husband and other daughter could see my texts, CALL HOME NOW!!!! URGENT!!! and were freaking out. Neighbors told them the police were everywhere, and they couldn’t get through.

Finally she texted after the police located her at work. They checked her apartment and verified it was safe. I broke down crying.

I don’t want ANYONE, EVER to go through what we did! The fear and possible reality were there for me for what seemed like hours! All I have thought about ALL weekend is “These VILE people are putting someone else through this!” Please share this story about the new horrible scam out there.

Source of the Theft

A few days after my friend posted this story, I followed up with her. She informed me that another family from the same university was scammed by the same man minutes after he hung up on her. They were about to wire $7000 before they were able to contact their daughter. This incident made her wonder if the information was gathered from hacked university data. A few weeks later, another Facebook friend posted this one:

Today my parents got a phone call from someone pretending to be my son. He told my dad that he went to the store to get cold medicine with a friend from school who was driving, they got pulled over, and his friend had pot in the car, so he was arrested and now was in jail. He begged my dad not to tell “my mom.”

My dad asked a few questions and was thinking it may be a scam, but he said the person on the phone sounded young, so he wasn’t quite sure. After a few questions, the kid hung up. We’re pretty sure that he would have asked for money to wire or something. My son is safe at school (I checked). But wanted to pass this on to you guys. Maybe this scam has been going around? Obviously, they are targeting older people, and I can see some people falling for it. My dad is pretty sharp, and it still tricked him at first.

Other Scams to Look Out For

Other types of extortion scams involve the perpetrator posing as the IRS or a crime cartel framing you for a false crime that will result in a suspension of your bank accounts, criminal charges, or a threat to you or your family’s safety if you do not send money. For instance, there have been reports of victims on vacation receiving a call in their hotel room stating that they are being targeted by a drug cartel and should turn off their phones to remain safe. While the victim is out of communication, the virtual kidnappers demand money from friends and family.

Another type of scam involves ransomware, which is a virus that infects your computer and encrypts the data. The scammer sends a message threatening to keep your hijacked computer data unless a ransom is received.

To avoid this kind of virus:

learn how to identify typical phishing strategies,
do not click on unknown email links or websites,
install premium security software, and
keep your software updated.
It is also important to backup computer data on a secure cloud-based backup service with revision history. Even legitimate websites can be hacked to spread malware, so awareness and preparation are key.

Here are GetKidsInternetSafe tips to avoid being a victim of virtual kidnapping:

Stay up to date about the scams popular in your area.
Set your social media profiles to private and avoid giving out personal information. Teach your kids to do the same with GetKidsInternetSafe techniques.
Occasionally cleanse your social media profile of photos. A backlog of photos tells a detailed blueprint of your family’s activities and personalities. When viewed by a perpetrator, those details can be used against you.
Keep your telephone landline.
Download GPS location-sharing apps to family member phones, such as Find My iPhone, Find Friends, or Life360.
Create an emergency plan, which includes a list sharing of names and phone numbers of workplace landlines, friends, and extended family. Create and include family nicknames to use in case of a need for emergency telephone identification.
If you get a suspicious call, assess its authenticity. For example, if the call is not from the victim’s telephone and they want you to stay on the phone until the money is delivered, be suspect.
If they are on the victim’s phone, recognize that the phone may have been hacked and forwarded to another phone or lost or stolen. Just because the number shows up as your child’s phone doesn’t necessarily mean the scammer has possession of the phone or the phone’s owner.
Recognize that scammers often ask for money to be wired through services like Western Union or online currency like Bitcoin, as these methods of payment are untraceable.
Stay calm, slow the caller down, and do not share any personal information. Ask them to answer a question only the victim would know. Don’t challenge or argue with the caller. Buy time by saying you are writing down the demand and need time to comply.
Use another device to call the police while on the phone.
Ask questions and, if feasible, demand a call from the victim’s phone or a picture of the victim.
Get to a safe place as soon as possible.

These tips do not constitute legal advice from GetKidsInternetSafe. Although many of these suggestions are offered by the Federal Bureau of Investigation website, recognize that nothing outweighs your instincts. Err on the side of caution and seek expert help from your local police department or the FBI.

Worried about child identity theft? Check out this GKIS article to learn how to protect your child’s financial security. To learn about other scams effecting the elderly, read Scammers Target the Elderly: How to Avoid Being Scammed.

I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetYourKidsInternetSafe.

Onward to More Awesome Parenting,

Tracy S. Bennett, Ph.D.
Mom, Clinical Psychologist, CSUCI Adjunct Faculty
GetKidsInternetSafe.com

Is Your Tween Hooking Up?

April 28, 2017 by Dr. Tracy Bennett

The first time I experienced the hookup culture was my first week of college. I was living in the dorms and everybody felt liberated, taking advantage of having no parents around, partying, drinking, smoking, and having sex. I remember watching freshman in their evening outfits make their walks of shame back to the dorms early in the morning. A friend told me how she woke up in an apartment she didn’t recognize. She was scared and left the apartment frantically. I felt sorry for her. I was shocked and confused about how my friends were treating sex so casually.

Hookup Culture

Hooking up is a term used by college students that has a wide variety of meanings. Some people use it to mean kissing, whereas others say it means sex. It turns out that college students themselves don’t really know what it means exactly (Currier, 2013). A survey by McHugh and colleagues (2012) found that 48% of male and 33% of female college students reported that hooking up means having sex.

Sociologist Lisa Wade wrote a book called American Hookup: The New Culture of Sex on Campus. Wade spent five years investigating hookup culture in universities. She explains that a hookup is “a meaningless, spontaneous act of either kissing or having sex with someone to win the approval of friends, bragging rights, and/or improve a college student’s status quo” (Vedantam, 2017).

Hooking up seems to be taking over traditional dating. In a recent survey, 58% of students surveyed from 19 universities reported that they had hooked up with someone by their senior year of college (Monto et al., 2014). Hooking up is particular popular at universities, because students are exploring their identities and having fun outside of their parents’ rules with no rush to get married; no shame, no consequences. Hookup culture fits like a puzzle piece for the college lifestyle. It may sound harmless, but I believe that hooking up can be detrimental.

Your Tween’s Love Life

Dr. Bennett’s article “Hey Dad, Your Twelve Year Old Daughter Has a Nude Out” revealed that the hookup culture often starts as early as middle school. She found that high school boys were grooming middle school girls on social media instant messaging and text to send the nude images of themselves. These nude images were then shared and posted without consent among unknown others locally and on the web. For the local teens, they were valued, collected, traded, and redistributed multiple times over years like Pokemon cards.

Although many young people argue that hooking up is a fun and a harmless way to learn about intimacy and relationships, there are downsides to casual sex. For instance, some teens find causal sex distressing and may feel embarrassed or weak for wanting a more meaningful connection with their partner (Vedantam, 2017).

It has been argued that men generally have an easier time with hooking up than women (McHugh, 2012). As a result, girls will work hard to “fit in” and please the cultural ideal of emotionless hookups, even though they secretly feel ashamed, unfulfilled, conflicted, and embarrassed. After all, sex is often an exercise in bonding and attachment, triggering the release of the neurotransmitter oxytocin, which is responsible for feelings of love, attachment, and even symptoms of obsessive-compulsive disorder. Trying to not bond while having sex with somebody can be very difficult for some people. Whether to hookup or not is a very personal and meaningful decision for college students. But for our tweens and teens, it can be physically and emotionally dangerous.

How can parents help?

Be a good listener and teach your teen your family’s values and beliefs about sex. Start early.

Bring up the topic often. Provide accurate sex education. Listen to your child. Get an idea about what they think. Don’t assume they have absorbed family values from thin air. Family values and sex education is best provided by the people whom love them the most, their parents.

Teach how intimacy differs from sex.

Unfortunately, many kids learn about sex from viewing Internet porn. Don’t let this artificial portrayal of sex go uncorrected. Having sex in order to carve a reputation or live up to demeaning portrayal of a meaningless physical act can be emotionally destructive, especially to a teenager. Teach your child that sex is a profoundly intimate act between mature, caring partners. That means it is best to wait and experience it with somebody you love and trust when you are mature enough to handle the complexities in the relationships that will follow. Intimacy requires a lot of maturity and communication.

Explain how social media differs from reality.

Social media is everywhere whether you like it or not. We love it, because it helps us connect with others during our overtasked lives. Connecting with peers is critical for healthy adolescent development. Explain how social media glamorizes and misrepresents a person’s actual life. Collaborate on how to avoid typical pitfalls. GKIS articles help with that!

Build your teen up by letting them know they are far more than a sexy image.

Self-esteem starts with how we treat ourselves. Keep a lookout for self-deprecating comments in your household (like “I’m so fat”). Kids learn these bad habits, which can be psychologically detrimental over the long term. Be generous with authentic compliments and encouragement. Remind them that every relationship has impact on one’s quality of life. That means taking the time to choose peers who treat us well and help us strive to be the best we can be. Include your teen’s friends in family activities so they feel supported in their friendships and so you maintain influence.

Thank you to CSUCI Intern, Mahika Morin for her work on this article. Lastly, check out, “The GKIS Parent Beginners Guide to Texting and Instant Messaging (IM),” “The GKIS Sensible Parent’s Guide to Snapchat,” and “The GKIS Sensible Parent’s Guide to Instagram,” to help you through social media and digital communications. Be ahead of the game and stay up to date on screen media for the benefit of you and your child.

I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetKidsInternetSafe.
Onward to More Awesome Parenting,
Tracy S. Bennett, Ph.D.
Mom, Clinical Psychologist, CSUCI Adjunct Faculty
GetKidsInternetSafe.com

Works Cited

Currier, D. M. (2013). Strategic ambiguity: Protecting emphasized femininity and hegemonic masculinity in the hookup culture. Gender & Society, 27(5), 704-727. doi:10.1177/0891243213493960

McHugh, M. C., Pearlson, B., & Poet, A. (2012). Who needs to understand hook up culture?: Understanding hookup culture: What’s really happening on college campuses. Sex Roles, 67(5-6), 363-365. doi:10.1007/s11199-012- 0172-0

Monto, M. A., & Carey, A. G. (2014). A new standard of sexual behavior? Are claims associated with the ‘hookup culture’ supported by general social survey data?. Journal Of Sex Research, 51(6), 605-615. doi:10.1080/00224499.2014.906031

Vedantam, Shankar. (Host). (2017, February 14). Hookup Culture: The Unspoken Rules Of Sex On College Campuses [Radio broadcast episode]. http://www.npr.org/2017/02/14/514578429/hookup-culture-the- unspoken-rules-of-sex-on-college-campuses.

Photo Credits

Young Couple Undressing Each Other by PhotoMediaGroup, BY Shutterstock, Inc.