We all have million tasks to do in a day with little time to do them. But we can all agree that parenting is our most important and gratifying job. Have you ever heard the saying “parenting is all joy and no fun?” Today’s GetKidsInternetSafe article offers fresh tips about how to make it joyful and fun! What do exceptional parents do everyday?
They turn toward their kids when they walk into the room and allow their faces to *light* up with adoration.
Of course we are attached to our children, but the day’s endless tasks often get in the way of our showing it. When kids feel overlooked they seek attention in all the wrong ways on- and offline. Make sure they know they are numero uno in your home and that you will set things aside when they need you.
They are interested in their kids’ day-to-day happenings on- and off-line and ask follow-up questions about them (“So how did it go?”)
If you don’t ask, they won’t tell. The best way to really get to know your kids is hearing all about their thoughts, feelings, and daily interests. If they feel you are interested, they are more likely to come to you about the things that are important, both the fun and the scary. Nobody knows them as well as you do, but just like with marriage, profound connection takes consistent effort. And at every age your child transforms into a more complex being. Make them your most passionate hobby!
They have a sense of humor about their own screw-ups and are quick to accept and forgive their children’s mistakes as well.
If we want our children to work through their pain with self-compassion and wisdom, we must practice it ourselves. We are more likely to be our true selves in front of our kids than anybody else. In order for them to learn, we must show them the good, the bad, and the healing. Saying to them, “I’m sorry, I really could have handled that much better,” is a generous gift. They’ll love and respect you, and themselves, more if you teach them how to be compassionate and forgiving. Failure is going to happen if you are learning new things. Embrace it!
They plan fun family activities with happy sing-along music, cleansing outdoor activity, and hilarious light-hearted banter.
There is no better conduit to your inner child than playing whole-heartedly with your kids. Get away from your screen media, melt into the present, experience the wonder, belly laugh, and LIVE FULLY!
They understand that humor, slang, and interests are different for kids than adults on- and off-line and don’t get threatened or contemptuous about it.
Childhood may have been forever ago, but it’s worth your time to take a memory journey and get in touch with how it felt. Just like our offspring, we were impulsive, ridiculous, silly, and reckless. But now they have the World Wide Web to stumble around in, which each step forever recorded in a digital footprint. Filter their exposure to the damaging stuff along the way, and when they do run into trouble (and they will), gently coach them through it.
They refrain from lecturing because they realize that adult solutions don’t work within kid social culture.
Saying, “That hurt my feelings, please don’t do that,” honestly may not get them very far in the schoolyard. Kids are more expert than parents are when it comes to maneuvering through the brutal gauntlet of childhood friendships. Empower them with your trust and encouragement instead of annihilating their confidence with shaming lectures and demands. Encourage good choices but don’t pick their friends or make their decisions for them.
They put the effort in to have a working knowledge of screen media and show a genuine interest.
The ONLY way to stay a step ahead of your kids and protect them online is to study up and get proficient on the fourth literacy (reading, writing, arithmetic, digital). GetKidsInternetSafe 30 Days to Internet Safety was created to help you with that. It’s simple, easy, and comprehensive.
They expect their kids to sneak so they simply eliminate the opportunity rather than shame them when it happens.
In my psychology practice I celebrate when kids are successful and strategic. If their gray matter is firing, they will try some sneaky solutions to solve problems on occasion. Skilled parents accept that. Rather than providing them with opportunity to sneak and then punishing them for it, instead disable screen media during blackout times. Just because you say “no” doesn’t mean your kids will comply. Expect the best of them, but don’t freak out when they have immature judgment. The prefrontal regions of their brains (the part responsible for attention, concentration, organization, and decision making) won’t be done cooking until they are 23 years old. Be realistic in your expectations of them.
They initially limit access to inappropriate video games and social media and then gradually lighten up as it becomes developmentally appropriate.
Overdoing it by blindly blocking screen media may not only be upsetting to kids, but crippling to them as well. Like it or not, screen media is the way of the world and becoming digitally literate when they’re young may benefit your kids academically and socially. Are you being too restrictive or too permissive out of fear or laziness? These are definitely questions worth asking yourself.
They present family rules and regulation in a clear, honest way so kids don’t have to guess about what is or is not acceptable.
The GKIS Living Agreement is a brilliant tool for helping parents spell out screen media limits in a simple, comprehensive format that is flexible enough to change as your children’s needs change. Being proactive with your parenting is always better than being reactive.
They are respectful of their kids’ privacy and check screen media sparingly rather than being intrusive and creepy. Most importantly, great parents are honest and up-front rather than electronically spying and lying.
As a clinician, I see that some of the most damaged parent-child relationships got that way because parents were brutally over-controlling or too permissive with their children. The healthiest parenting strategies incorporate teaching, discussion, and opportunity for independent exploration and growth. It may feel good to you to be a critical decision-maker in your children’s lives, but it’s likely not in the best interest of your children. Child neglect and helicoptering won’t bring you closer to your kids, and will harm them in the long run. Great parents nurture rather than neglect or smother. Younger kids need stricter blocking and monitoring while older kids must be allowed to earn gradual independence. Allowing them some opportunity for failure is a healthy way to teach resilience. Just be there when they fall for wisdom and warmth.
They realize that their kids aren’t responsible for the online behavior of others. Viewing is not the same as creating the content.
No matter how tempted you are to freak out when your kids run across something inappropriate on- or offline, do your best not to freak out. Even though it is scary when your children find a gap in your safety net, it’s bound to happen. Keep your perspective and don’t be too hard on them. Curiosity and exploration is healthy and will lead them to scary places on occasion. It’s unavoidable. Don’t let your fear or guilt transfer into shaming them when it happens. It’s best to compassionately and gently guide them through.
If you like what you’ve read and want more free GKIS parenting tips, go to www.GetKidsInternetSafe.com/cyberbullyguide to hear about my most recent tip that will help you protect your kids from cyberbullying.
I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetYourKidsInternetSafe.
