The incel movement was discovered by the general population in 2014 after a mass murderer posted on Facebook, “The Incel Rebellion has already begun…” Starting as an inspirational social movement, incels has been tied to at least four mass murders and, most recently, as a mass shooting threat for the October 2019 movie premier of The Joker. Like with other hate groups, radicalized young men use incel ideas to boost their tattered egos and justify sexist and even violent behavior. How can we prevent our kids from being victimized or radicalized by this crazy movement?
What is an incel?
The term incelwas first coined in 1993 and is short for “involuntarily celibate,” a non-derogatory term for people who’ve had a hard time finding an intimate relationship.
The incel movement began when a young woman named Alana was working in a university math department. While she was at her desk, a man walked up and said, “I am 27 years old and have never been on a date.”[1] Alana noticed the man needed someone to talk to, so she listened. She discovered that she too could identify as an involuntary celibate. After she found love, she created an online support group for “INVCELS” who were distressed due to intimacy problems.
Early in the group’s development, a primary rule was adopted that members could not blame others for their problems. Instead, each member was required to commit to self-improvement. At that time, haters and blamers were kicked out of the group.[2] Over time, Alana left, the movement grew, and different sub-groups of incels formed.
Social Movement to Hate Group
Researchers believe that the boasts and posts of social media feed into a hopeless cycle of compare and despair for some users.[3] For the more radical of social media users, there are online forums where one can find validation for their despair. Radicalized incels adopt hateful belief systems typical of a broader online manosphere on forums like 4chan, Reddit, and Voat. Incels overlap with extremist men’s rights vlogs that offer pickup artistry tips and espouse the hateful rhetoric of alt-right and white supremacy groups, inciting suicide among fellow incels, the assault of sexually successful women, and violence toward sexually successful men.
Further spurred by the #MeToo Movement, radicalized incel groups spew hate and use their comradery to threaten and intimidate others. Some stereotype people who have successful relationships as “Chads” and “Stacys.” With young people unsupervised online hours every day, hate group forums can influence vulnerable teens. In my book, Screen Time in the Mean Time, I describe how “the Internet platform is the perfect tool for grooming, behavioral manipulation, and coercive thought control.”
The Black Pill
The black pill is an analogy from the movie, the Matrix. In the Matrix, Neo has two options of pills to take, the blue pillto stay in the Matrix, and remain in the comfort of blissful ignorance or the red pillto face life’s harsh realities.[4] Incels use the term black pill to describe the fatalistic perspective that women control the world, and incels are hopeless to get sex because of biological determinism, meaning they were fatalistically born with intimacy-crippling features like low attractiveness, small penis size, or shyness.[5] They believe they lost their chances of intimacy at birth because they lost the genetic lottery.[6]
Group Think & Radicalization
Online forums offer violent incels a community of like-minded individuals to escalate hateful philosophies. In psychology, we call thisgroupthink, reflecting the dynamic of one’s ethical, moral, and rational values eventually dissolving into the group’s character. Individuals joining a group in search of support are vulnerable to a group’s coercive and sometimes irrational group opinions. Groupthink differs from individual opinions in that members ultimately fail to think for themselves, instead of becoming dependent on group principles.
Mass Murder
In May 2014, a member of the incel group shot and killed six people in Isla Vista, California.[7] His name was Elliot Rodger, and he was 22 years old. Fueled by the philosophies of other members of the group, he felt revenge was his only solution. Rodger felt rejected by women. He blamed handsome people who were happy for his lack of intimacy with women. The Incel community saw him as a hero.
In April 2018, Alek Minassian killed ten people driving through a crowded street. He posted on Facebook, “The Incel Rebellion has already begun… All hail the Supreme Gentleman Elliot Rodger!”[8] Alek carried out the attack for the same reasons Rodger did, hatred for those who did not have intimacy problems.
In October 2015, Christopher Harper-Mercer killed nine people at his community college campus in Roseburg Oregon before killing himself.[9] He too identified as an incel.
In February 2018, another man who was part of the incel community, Nikolas Cruz, was charged with killing 17 people at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, Florida.[10]
Clowncel
In September 2019, the FBI reported to partners in the private sector about a threat from online incel communities regarding unspecific mass shootings threatened to occur at the premiere showings of ‘the Joker’, slated for October 4, 2019. A September 2019 report by the Department of Defense reported on the same threat.
Those making these threats were reported to be a side group of incels who identify as clowncels. They chose this movie because they resonated with the beliefs of the main character, Arthur Fleck. Arthur is a poor, mentally ill stand-up comedian who is a victim of violent thugs and a society that views him as a freak. In the movie, he retaliates against society by becoming a criminal mastermind known as The Joker.
Support positive online and offline peer relationships rather than restrict unhealthy friendships.
Teach your teen how to avoid cyberbullying by teaching empathy, social and netiquette skills, and complex problem-solving.
Just as parents keep an eye on their teens’ school and after-school activities, they must also monitor their virtual activities.
Model healthy balance and self-care.
Implement healthy eating, sleeping, and exercise habits and explain why that is so important for strength and health.
Love and compliment your kids loudly and unapologetically for all they are.
Reinforce that the self is made up of far more facets than a beautiful face.
Remind your teen that what they see on social media and in advertisements isn’t always the real deal.
Thank you to CSUCI intern, Andrew Weissmann, for teaching us about the incel movement, and how it has splintered off to be a hate group with coercive access to kids. For more information about how to protect your kids from the grooming techniques of cults and hate groups, check out the GKIS article “White Supremacists or ISIS? Are Hate Groups and Cults Seducing Your Teen Online?
I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetKidsInternetSafe.
Onward to More Awesome Parenting,
Tracy S. Bennett, Ph.D.
Mom, Clinical Psychologist, CSUCI Adjunct Faculty
Works Cited
[1] ReplyAll Gimlet
[2] ReplyAll Gimelt
[3] bbc.com Facebook lurking makes you miserable by Sean Coughlan
[4] medium.com by Ethan Jiang
[5] medium.com by Ethan Jiang
[6] bbc.com/news/blogs-trending Toronto van attack: Inside the dark world of ‘incels’ by Jonathan Griffin
[7] The New York Times What is an Incel? A term used by the Toronto Van Attack Suspect, Explained by Niraj Chokshi
[8] The New York Times What is an Incel? By Niraj Chokshi
[9] The New Yorker The Rage of the Incels by Jia Tolentino
[10] Babe.net by Harry Shukman
We are all reeling from yet another public shooting massacre, this one being the deadliest shooting since Sandy Hook. The San Bernadino couple killed fourteen and wounded fourteen more at Inland Regional Center where the husband worked. The shooters were a mom and a dad of a six-month old infant. Huh? How could two young parents nurturing a baby plot to kill colleagues who help the developmentally disabled? Shouldn’t they be drunk on love, hope, and yummy baby giggles? How could they, instead, be plotting mass murder?
This is the third mass shooting article I have written. Like everybody, I am sickened, scared, and angry! Everywhere I look blame ensues. It’s immigrants! It’s guns! It’s parenting! It’s religion! It’s violent media! We sit in front of the television news paralyzed and rant extreme politics on Facebook. We fantasize about stricter gun laws or getting licensed to carry. We start to stay more to ourselves. We buy more guns. We spend more time being afraid.
Increasing numbers of people are asking if the world is becoming more dangerous. Statistics reveal that, although violent gun crime has decreased since 1993 and now remains relatively stable in the U.S. (BJS; Pew Social Trends), mass public shootings have become more common (Harvard School of Public Health). And unlike any time in history, information technology provides minute-to-minute, constant updates about headline news. Coverage is immediate, vivid, and perfectly crafted to keep our rapt attention. Screens are everywhere all the time. A people captivated on images and conjecture about inexplicable slaughter lose their sense of security.
As a clinician of twenty years, I know what chronic fear can do to people. We feel vulnerable, afraid, and enraged. It drains us of the life force we need to get up in the morning; to scramble eggs; to give hugs and tell jokes. It interferes with our ability to trust and love. Fear coaxes us away from the very best parts of ourselves. It changes us over time.
When fear wins it expresses itself as isolation, paranoia, anxiety, numbness, and depression. We get stupid. We give up. We hate. It manifests as piercing dread the moment our eyes open in the morning; as crippling heaviness when it’s time to pull ourselves out of bed; as the tug of dread when we must speak to somebody or produce something. Our brains get sluggish and hope dwindles. We feel beaten and helpless. We simply give up and stop caring.
If it’s not numbing depression then it’s burning anger that may take us over. We want to take vengeance and make threats. We want blood. We are at risk for becoming a people we don’t want to be.
How do we hold on to the best parts of ourselves when we so often see the devastation of senseless violence?
Compassion. It’s our choice what to focus on when tragedy strikes, the perpetrators or the victims.
Mister Rogers has been quoted to have said, “”When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.” As a psychologist I’ve logged many hours with people in their darkest states, and I truly believe that our most primitive state is love. When we are hurting, lean into the love rather than the hate. Love has built America, and we will continue to prevail.
Mindfulness. Turn off the news and soak in the gifts that surround you.
Staying informed is important, but sunshine, the people we love, and our inner peace is even more precious. Attend to those things most often so they thrive. Listen to the birds, smell the flowers, dance, taste chocolate, snuggle a baby. Sensational reports coax our attention from healing mindful and meditative states. Protect that fiercely.
Activity Scheduling. Keep moving and stay productive.
You know what murders the spirit? Having nothing to be passionate about. Get out there and dig a hole, build a wall, take a walk, compliment a stranger. Create something. It’s not the outcome that matters; it’s the process. If it stretches your muscles and accelerates your heart rate, even better. Get busy and get your hands dirty.
Spend less time on the “what.” It’s the “what’s next” that matters most.
Instead of ruminating on what motivated these killers, let’s concentrate on becoming better humans. Getting insight is an important step to recovery, but so is moving forward. Locking ourselves away from each other arguing and hating will make things worse. We need to reach out to each other and love. It’s all about relationships. It always has been, it always will be.
Can-Do Thinking. Select the BEST FRIEND GENRE for your inner voice.
When you feel down and call your favorite person, do they ever tell you you’re a loser and the situation is hopeless? Like ever? No. Yet so many of us are in the habit of motivating ourselves through stinking thinking (psychologists call this negative reinforcement).
We listen to our inner voice more than any other in our lives. Motivating ourselves with, “If you don’t ___, then <bad thing> will happen,” fills us with chronic shame and dread. Change the channel from silent self-nagging to self-encouragement. Fill your head space with, “That failure taught me a ton, so happy to be moving forward…” Regret drains emotional resources, while hope and inspiration rejuvenates. Be your own best friend. If it doesn’t come easily at first, fake it ‘til you make it. Emotional fitness sometimes starts with boot camp.
Gratefulness. Opening your heart and mind to what you already have will invite more of the good stuff.
You know that person at the party who trashes others and tells you all the ways the worlds going to end? Nobody wants to hang out with them. Become who you most want to hang out with by focusing on the good stuff. Can’t think of anything at the moment? Then deliver an authentic compliment and watch that spark take hold as it’s received with a warm smile. Get good at gratefulness and you will actually feel your heart space expand.
Surround yourself with beauty.
Light a delicious candle, read a beautiful passage, put on your softest t-shirt. Spend an hour with the friend that makes you belly laugh. Write. Drink a beer. Whatever you think is beautiful, make that happen.
Have faith. Whether it’s in your God or your humanity, throwing your hopes to the universe is the secret to making it happen.
Human beings are genius problem-solvers. When we put our minds to it, we can perform miracles. If you really feel passionate, dare to dream and start something. Make change!
Ask for help. If you reach out to others, you won’t be alone long
Whether you find comfort in friends, family, clergy, or mental health professionals, we are all in this together. Locking our emotions in will exacerbate problems. Find a safe place to open up and work it through. If your neural circuits just aren’t responding, medication may give you the lift you need to take a step in the right direction. Depression is a legitimate illness. Don’t let stigma keep you from moving forward.
I know this list seems obvious, but is it? Ask yourself honestly if you set time aside to work on each of these things every day. If not, get out the Post-it Notes or set a reminder with Siri. If you want to do more about violence, patient and respectful discourse is how ideas lead to solutions, not contemptuous retorts and humiliating witticisms. Black and white thinking makes for easy discussion, but it’s a laziness that has real cost. The truth is, each violent situation is a unique case with complex and nuanced components. Intervention for change must take place on many levels. The bottom line is you can’t be part of the solution unless you’re committed to maintaining your emotional fitness.
I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetYourKidsInternetSafe.
