“I can’t breathe, and my chest is killing me. My heart is racing. Am I having a heart attack? I am sweating, trembling, and dizzy. I think I’m going to vomit. My thoughts are racing. Have I gone crazy? What is wrong with me?” If this sounds familiar, you are probably one of three adults in the U.S. who has had an anxiety attack. Screens can have a significant effect on our levels of anxiety, but how?
What is anxiety?
In my 25+ years of clinical practice, I have treated many kids, teens, and adults with anxiety disorders. Since the advent of mobile screen technology, we have seen prevalence numbers increase dramatically. Twenty-five percent of 13- to 18-year-olds have mild to moderate anxiety with the median age of onset at 11 years old.[1]
There are five major types of anxiety disorder.
Generalized Anxiety Disorder(GAD) is characterized by chronic worry about things that don’t warrant that level of concern.
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is characterized by recurrent, intrusive thoughts and repetitive ritualistic behaviors, like counting, tapping, washing, or checking.
Panic Disorder (PD) is a chronic dread of having a panic attack, which feels like intense fear and trouble breathing, heart racing, and dizziness.
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder(PTSD) is typically triggered by a terrifying ordeal.
Social Phobia (SP) causes people to withdraw due to extreme self-consciousness or embarrassment around others and a fear of being scrutinized or judged.
How Screens Can Trigger Clinical Anxiety Symptoms
Generalized Anxiety Disorder
Screens can be distracting and lead to wasted time and poor work performance. Not only do kids worry about those missed assignments, but too many hours of online learning can put them in a state of irritable exhaustion. In Dr. Bennett’s book, Screen Time in the Mean Time, she details how multitasking, which refers to interrupting one task to attend to another (like social media notifications during homework), burns brain fuel at a rapid rate – leading to mental brownout.[2] Mental brownout can lead one to feel hopeless and helpless, which can lead to chronic worry about … just about everything.
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder
Keeping up with the Jones’s (or Kardashian’s) on social media can lead to obsessive scrolling and compulsive checking. We’ve all seen the notorious #GymSelfie or #FoodPorn that pops up on our news feed. Then there’s the #OutfitOfTheDay, #MCM (man crush Monday), #WCW (woman crush Wednesday), or your #TBT (throwback Thursday). Keeping up can feel overwhelming.
As Dr. B says in her article “Teaching Kids the Brain Traps of Video Games May Break the Spell,” “likes” are designed to tap into our evolutionarily-reinforced need to please our tribe – also called social capital. She elaborates, “When that notification pops up on our smartphone that somebody liked our post, we get a slight euphoria.”
Getting the likes makes us want more (compulsive use patterns), and not getting the likes can send us into compare and despair. Big tech is aware of this and plays on our psychology to keep our eyes on the screen. Our attention has been commodified (meaning that data about our online behaviors is for sale because it has value to marketers). The more we stay on screen, the more we fall victim to ads and the compulsion to buy.
Panic Disorder
Panic attacks happen when the autonomic nervous system, our survival center, gets triggered too easily. Poor self-care (like not sleeping, eating well, exercising, or socializing) can make us vulnerable having panic attacks. Dr. B says video games are also programmed to jack up your autonomic nervous system, which can lead to panic attacks.
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
In our GKIS article, “Live Streaming Can Cause PTSD in Adults and Children,” we detailed how watching live-streamed videos on social media and Youtube can lead to debilitating trauma symptoms. It’s critical to consider that screen content matters as much as, if not more than, screen time.
Social Phobia
It doesn’t take much imagination to consider that social media can lead to fear of excessive social scrutiny. Dr. B writes about the normal adolescent defense called the imaginary audience. She writes, “Teens can become extremely focused on their looks and very self-conscious, convinced that EVERYBODY is looking at them. As a result, they pay meticulous attention to clothing, makeup, hairstyle, body shape, and mannerisms. It’s as if they are carefully cultivating their brand to fit in and stand out among admired peers. Although imaginary audience has been observed among adolescents throughout history, social media may exacerbate anxiety. I believe compulsive urges to take perfect selfies are a healthy expression of the imaginary audience rather than the pathology of narcissism.”
It didn’t happen if you didn’t post it.
There is a popular saying that if you didn’t post about it, it didn’t really happen. Many teens are more invested in their virtual lives than they are in their non-virtual lives. This makes sense considering they spend more waking time on screen than they do off-screen!
Teen life often happens in a snapshot and not much else. Our kids are spending time at events, the beach, and vacation looking for that split moment to capture a picture guaranteeing them likes from their followers. Conversations are “Uh-huh” and “Mm, sure” without eye contact. Screen time is the master, and we’ve grown to accept that that is “just what teens do these days.”
Social media can become a shrine of a person’s life, and if it is subpar, that person’s life seems subpar. Sound extreme? It is, and it is real. The pressure to be perceived in a certain way can consume our minds and impact self-esteem. A Canadian study found that the more time spent on screens, the higher the risk of developing anxiety in children.[3] Screen addiction is proving to be a real concern rather than a minor annoyance.
Driven to Distraction
Anxiety has the potential to impact not only the quality of time spent with family and friends but may also sever the most important relationship of all, the one with ourselves. Self-worth goes down, anxiety shifts to depression, and all because we judge others and ourselves through the safety of a screen, hidden in anonymity, and supported by strangers.
It can happen to anybody.
A child therapist friend of mine shared with me that she recently deleted all social media apps off her phone. She said she felt social media was consuming her and ultimately the cause of a lot of anxieties. Between clients, she browsed Facebook and Instagram instead of doing her mandatory briefings. Her briefings would get stacked up for weeks. Ultimately, this would contribute to her unease. This is a professional in mental health, one whom we would like to think could find a good balance. Now imagine your teenager…
What can we do about it?
Identify the triggers and recognize that you may be powerless against them without cutting down on screen time.
Set reasonable parameters.
Use time management and blocking apps.
Learn cognitive behavioral coping skills like breathing, mindfulness, cognitive restructuring, and meditation
Make your nonvirtual life more enriching
Thank you to Chad Flores for helping us recognize how screens may contribute to anxiety.
[3] Maras, D., Flament, M. F., Murray, M., Buchholz, A., Henderson, K. A., Obeid, N., & Goldfield, G. S. (2015). Screen time is associated with depression and anxiety in Canadian youth. Preventive Medicine: An International Journal Devoted To Practice And Theory, 73133-138. doi:10.1016/j.ypmed.2015.01.029
I just finished a webinar I offered for moms to support them during our stay-at-home order. In the audience, we had a mom who was seven-months pregnant with a three-year-old as well as moms with school-age kids and teens. During these challenging times, all have unique situations. Some of us are working full-time and struggling to find a free moment, while others are bored and working to find fun and purpose. Some of our kids are best friends, while others can’t seem to get along ever. Some kids are jetting through easy schoolwork while others can’t seem to get anything done. How are you doing? Are you making amazing memories with your time together or struggling to make things happen? Today’s article is about recognizing that the love is in the daily details, but it may take some special effort to notice.
“Seeing” by Annie Dillard from Pilgrim at Tinker Creek (Harper Perennial 1974)
When I was six or seven years old, growing up in Pittsburgh, I used to take a precious penny of my own and hide it for someone else to find. It was a curious compulsion; sadly, I’ve never been seized by it since. For some reason, I always “hid” the penny along the same stretch of sidewalk up the street. I would cradle it at the roots of a sycamore, say, or in a hole left by a chipped-off piece of sidewalk. Then I would take a piece of chalk, and, starting at either end of the block, draw huge arrows leading up to the penny from both directions. After I learned to write I labeled the arrows: SURPRISE AHEAD or MONEY THIS WAY. I was greatly excited, during all this arrow-drawing, at the thought of the first lucky passer-by who would receive in this way, regardless of merit, a free gift from the universe. But I never lurked about. I would go straight home and not give the matter another thought, until, some months later, I would be gripped again by the impulse to hide another penny.
It is still the first week in January, and I’ve got great plans. I’ve been thinking about seeing. There are lots of things to see, unwrapped gifts and free surprises. The world is fairly studded and
strewn with pennies cast broadside from a generous hand. But—and this is the point—who gets excited by a mere penny? If you follow one arrow if you crouch motionless on a bank to watch a tremulous ripple thrill on the water and are rewarded by the sight of a muskrat kid paddling from its den, will you count that sight a chip of copper only, and go your rueful way? It is dire poverty indeed when a man is so malnourished and fatigued that he won’t stoop to pick up a penny. But if you cultivate a healthy poverty and simplicity so that finding a penny will literally make your day, then, since the world is in fact planted in pennies, you have with your poverty bought a lifetime of days. It is that simple. What you see is what you get.
I love this passage because it captures so much about childhood joy. Like the puppy-dog-tails and sugar-and-spice nursery rhyme, childhood joy is a magic blending of anticipation, preparation, and imagination. Children build their magic worlds by keeping their eyes open for real-world discovery. And when they find something new and delightful, they turn to those around them to share in their excitement. For young children, this is a ladybug on a blade of grass; and for older kids, this is a giggling walk with friends to get ice cream. Parents can be a part of this magical discovery, or they can be washing dishes. It’s really up to us to be present.
But here’s the thing, we don’t have to entertain our kids 24/7. Contrary to popular parenting lore, our job is not to make our prodigy happy all of the time. Our job is to offer a safe and enriching place in love and guidance, helping them build resiliency skills so they can feel their worth and practice their capabilities. Sometimes that means we are by their sides, and sometimes that means we offer a crafted setting of endless possibilities.
To teach them how to recognize those endless possibilities, we first have to create the framework for meaningful magic and create the lens for them to see through. And I’m telling you now, memory-making family events don’t have to take place in a faraway destination or during a $5000 planned vacation. Magical, meaningful moments worthy of memories don’t cost dollars….they cost pennies. They’re like shiny pennies cradled in the roots of a Sycamore or left by a chipped-off piece of sidewalk. They are gathered in tiny moments of discovery and shared joy. To find them, we just have to have our eyes, and our hearts, open.
VIRTUAL SUPPORTIVE ACTIVITY IDEAS
Take a virtual travel vacation.
Create a passport for the virtual trips you will take.
Research the things to do once you get there.
Visit those places on Google Earth.
After the trip your child can draw a picture of something from the trip as a passport stamp.
Create a collage of the virtual places you visit.
Create family businesses and then end with a trade show.
Decide on your idea and write a mission statement.
Design your logo (fun ideas are to look on https://www.fiverr.com/ or https://99designs.com where people hire logo designers online). Pick your brand colors (https://coolors.co is a fun site for that)
Pick free stock images for your site or take them on your own (we love https://unsplash.com)
Create a budget
Source and buy materials for your product
Manufacture your product
Create flyers and business cards
Design and film a TV commercial (don’t forget to hire your celebrities and learn your marketing)
Create a sales convention where you each have a sales table where you hawk your wares (you can take turns as founders and customers or recruit family members and friends as customers)
Find brand partners
Create your store
Have a trade show where you buy each other’s wares and services with a budget and fake money you set up ahead of time.
Set up a restaurant in your home.
Plan the menu
Prepare the food
Dress up like chefs and waiters
Serve your family guests just as they’d be served in a restaurant (menu, orders, bill payment).
For more ideas to create fun family fun, follow our daily #TogetherAtHome idea posts on the GetKidsIternetSafe Instagram page! To help you out during challenging times, here is a list of linked resources to help you make magic family memory moments while you’re #TogetherAtHome.
ARTS AND CRAFTS
Easy Peasy and Fun
From their website: “Ready for a fantastic crafting session with your kids or students? We have a ton of engaging art and craft for kids to make and you’ll find ideas for all ages and for all occasions.”
From their website: “If you’re looking for easy and fun craft ideas for kids – you’ve definitely come to the right place! We’ve included our best and most popular crafts for kids on this page for you. Kids will love making these simple crafts – and the best part is the preparation for you will always be easy too!”
From their website: “Kidspace may be temporarily closed, but curiosity never ceases. Keep the learning going at home with Kidspace curated programming and resources developed to spark connection, creativity, laughter, and inspiration. Join the Kidspace-At-Home journey bringing hands-on joyful learning experiences to families every day. Scroll to the bottom to learn how you can help support our efforts and keep Kidspace strong!”
From their website: “An award-winning audio show for kids and families. Each week, a different kid co-host joins Molly Bloom to find answers to fascinating questions about the world. Our mission is to encourage kids’ natural curiosity and wonder using science and history…but there’s no age limit on curiosity, and episodes of Brains On can be enjoyed by anyone.”
From their website: “But Why is a show led by you, kids! You ask the questions and we find the answers. It’s a big interesting world out there. On But Why, we tackle topics large and small, about nature, words, even the end of the world. Have a question? Send it to us!”
From their website: “Goodnight With Dolly” will feature Dolly Parton reading a series of Imagination Library books all carefully chosen for their appropriate content at this moment in time.”
From their website: “Looking eBooks for your kids? We have the best collection of free animated eBooks will undoubtedly stimulate your child’s mind, studies and learning pattern. Find these very interesting carefully made free eBooks for kids. These online eBooks touch various subjects and promise to make your child’s learning experience richer. Read and download your favorite eBooks for free.”
From their website: “Full online curriculum ages 2-8. 10 levels. More than 850 Lessons Across 10 Levels. The Step-by-Step Learning Path presents the full ABCmouse.com curriculum in a carefully designed program of more than 850 lessons in ten levels. As your child completes each lesson, he or she is guided to the next one and is motivated to continue learning by ABCmouse.com‘s Tickets and Rewards System.”
From their web site: “The Aquarium of the Pacific is currently closed. During this time, we will be offering a variety of live and on-demand programming for our community..”
From their website: “The Exploratorium isn’t just a museum; it’s an ongoing exploration of science, art, and human perception. Explore our vast collection of online experiences to feed your curiosity and education resources supporting online teaching and learning.”
From their website: “Bring the Zoo to You. During our closure, we’ll continue to share cool views of the Zoo, our animal residents, and our dedicated keepers to keep you informed, engaged, and connected while social distancing.”
From their website: “MOCA Education makes education more collaborative, inclusive, and learner-centered, and nurtures intellectual growth through transformative experiences with contemporary art. Join our team of MOCA educators as they lead different family-friendly activities through interactive workshops, virtual Talking Tours, and classroom curriculum discussions. It is fun for all and particularly helpful for homeschooling!”
Live storytime events aimed at providing children with emotional support tools to help them cope with anxiety and stress in an entertaining, engaging way. In the first installment, Leah Bowen reads A Feel Better Book for Little Worriers, co-authored with Holly Brochmann, to help children identify a worry and where it might come from, as well as provide them with helpful tools to reduce and cope with worries.
Take a virtual travel vacation.