adolescents

Our Youth Mental Health Emergency

March 20, 2023 by GetKidsInternetSafe

The CDC recently released its Youth Risk Behavior Survey reporting that an alarmingly high percentage of American teens, particularly girls and LGBQ+ youth, are suffering from distressing mental health symptoms. With stressors like isolation from the COVID-19 lockdowns, too much screen use, frightening news reports, increasing college pressures, increasing financial strains on families, and the compare and despair dynamics that arise from social media, kids are feeling the pressure. Child experts and advocates have called for the Biden administration to declare a youth mental health emergency and are begging schools to adopt better trauma-informed health and sex education. What are the contributors, and how can we help?

The Highlights

The CDC report data comes from 17,000 U.S. high school students who were surveyed in the fall of 2021 when most schools returned to in-person teaching. The good news is that overall sexual activity, substance abuse, and in-school bullying are down. The bad news is that teen safety concerns due to violence, sadness, hopelessness, and suicidality are up, especially among girls and LGBQ+ students (trans students were not identified for this survey).

Here is the Summary of Findings from The Youth Risk Behavior Survey Data Summary & Trends Report: 2011–2021

Sexual Behavior

Substance Abuse

Experiencing Violence

Mental Health and Suicidality

Parental Monitoring

Teen Girls

The survey suggests that nearly 3 in 5 (57%) U.S. teen girls felt so sad or hopeless that they couldn’t engage in regular activities for two weeks or more. Nearly 1 in 3 (30%) seriously considered attempting suicide—up nearly 60% from a decade ago. And 1 in 5 (18%) experienced sexual violence in the past year—up 20% since 2017.

LGBQ+ Youth

Almost 70% of LGBQ+ students said they felt persistently sad or hopeless, and 20% reported attempting suicide. Fifty-two percent of LGBQ+ teens had poor mental health symptoms in the past 30 days compared to 29% of all teens.

Possible Contributors?

It’s important to consider that the survey occurred at the end of the isolation from COVID-19. Although I am still seeing significant fallout among kids, tweens, and teens, they have recovered somewhat from that dark and frightening time.

We must also consider that this is a survey. Without experiments where we expose one group of teens to possible causal variables (e.g., social media or isolation) and don’t expose a control group, we can’t determine what is causing the distress.

Surveys simply state and analyze subject report. It’s impossible to tell the causes from this type of data. We are left to guess with our observations and experience, forming hypotheses and looking for evidence to support them. As the Founder of GetKidsInternetSafe, a mother, university faculty member, author, and clinician who has treated kids, teens, and families for over 25 years, I have some ideas.

PHONELY: Our kids are phonely. Because we were hunters and gatherers for 90% of human existence, our brains are wired to thrive with face-to-face tribalism. Online relationships just don’t do it for us long-term.

ISOLATION: With the isolation of COVID-19, kids lost friends and confidence and regressed in their social skills.

SOCIAL MEDIA: Social media and the internet offers a constant onslaught of online ads and marketing influencers for kids and teens. This unfiltered exposure can lead to chronic fears of being judged and ridiculed as well as feelings of inadequacy and exclusion. The CDC report demonstrates that there is an epidemic of online bullying and cybersexual violence, especially toward girls and LGBTQ youth.

PARENTING: Parenting strategies have become overly protective based on anxiety and fear resulting in less child independence and more fear of failure. Plus, they spend more time online than with us. It is difficult for parents to overcome the influence of strangers and taking away all screen activities has become nearly impossible.

NEWS: Sensational and divisive news expertly and manipulatively communicates fear-inducing trends like mass shootings, climate change, and inflation. This has got most of us rattled, especially the most vulnerable among us.

FINGER-POINTING: We have tolerated and participated in an ugly, divisive climate of entitlement, bullying, and blame rather than accountability and positive action.

GROUP-THINK: The internet speaks the language of mental health – but this may result in a group-think phenomenon of looping on mental health suffering instead of increasing agency and growth.

LACK OF APPLICABLE EDUCATION: Trauma-informed, evidence-based health and sex education isn’t being offered equitably among out schools. Parents don’t want to leave this important job to schools, but they’re also not doing a great job themselves in many instances.

NOT ENOUGH MENTAL HEALTH SERVICES: There aren’t enough mental health services available to our youth.

LACK OF FAITH AND COMMUNITY: Pulling together as a loving, cooperative team is critical for kids to feel a sense of belonging and community. As our families get smaller and we have fewer extended family to offer support, our kids are left to fend for themselves.

Of course, this is not an exhaustive list. But it does summarize much of the research findings and conjecture that has surrounded these issues. There are more ideas for the list. But for the purpose of solving the problem, how can we take these stressors into consideration as we discuss possible solutions?

Considering the complexity of the question, what can we do to improve the situation? Reverse Engineer!

Reverse engineering refers to the process of looking at possible outcomes (like the causes posited above) and slowly working backward for a solution. Although this is clearly a messy mission, I watch kids regain the mental health ground they lost every day in practice. Despite what some may think, effective psychotherapy isn’t simply listening and reflecting feelings of despair. As a cognitive-behavioral therapist, I employ techniques specifically designed to facilitate positive movement forward. I’ve found that, if I set the tone and get everybody started, parents can take it from there.

Here are some tips for improving mental health and well-being at home:

As a family, negotiate a set of measurable goals and revisit them often for direction and motivation. Praise and reward movement forward and maintain and warm and encouraging tone along the way.
Use storytelling and a sense of humor to normalize failure and encourage curiosity and confidence.
Turn off the news and divisive influencers who are selling toxic ideas and products.
Reassure kids that they are capable and loved and that grit is what matters the most, far more than being attractive or innate skills.
Encourage kids to detox off their phones occasionally and engage more in real-life exploration and socialization.
Stay moderate. Avoid shaming lectures and demoralizing consequences.
Offer mindfulness, problem-solving, and communication strategies to help kids gain independence and confidence.
Offer outcome- and science-based education that empowers informed action rather than create fear.
Support parents in not personalizing child behaviors and help them set fair and reasonable limits with warmth, encouragement, and love.
Lead our kids toward post-traumatic growth rather than feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, and fear with expert mentorship, fun, and opportunity.

How can GetKidsInternetSafe help?

I founded GetKidsInternetSafe so I could be part of the prevention effort – rather than just the treatment effort. If you’re not sure where to get started, we have a comprehensive suite of tools for parents, tweens and teens, educators, paraprofessionals, and professionals who work with families and kids.

Start healthy conversations about social media use for free using our GKIS Connected Families Screen Agreement.
Check out our agreement supplements, the Cybersecurity & Red Flags Supplement (with three tools in one) and our How to Spot Marketing Red Flags Supplement.
Dr. Bennett’s book, Screen Time in the Mean Time, is a comprehensive and easy-to-read parenting guide for families with kids of all ages. Available on Amazon in print, e-book, and audible!
Tighten up parental controls and monitoring with the help of our GKIS Screen Safety Toolkit. This toolkit helps to empower parents and provides them with a resource list of smart tech tools to filter, monitor, and manage online behavior.
For families with younger kids, our home setup Connected Family Course is an awesome place to start.
To help your tween or teen get prepared for safer internet use and social media, help prevent digital injury, and optimize wellness, check out our most popular course, the Social Media Readiness Course.
If you need more support and accountability, sign up to work with Dr. B directly for an online parenting workshop or individual coaching.
Want to work for screen safety as a community? We’ve thought of that too! Dr. Bennett offers live presentations and webinars for adults and kids from schools, churches, corporations, and conferences.
If you work with kids as an educator, youth counselor, professional, or paraprofessional and want to be a go-to screen safety expert, get SCREEN SAFETY CERTIFIED! Also available for those who work with Christian families!

If you want all of our supplements and courses at a low cost for parents and kids, tweens, and teens, you’ll want our mega Screen Safety Essentials Course! This online course offers a set of four modules that will help you walk your kids through the essentials of screen safety.

I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetKidsInternetSafe.

Onward to More Awesome Parenting,

Tracy S. Bennett, Ph.D.
Mom, Clinical Psychologist, CSUCI Adjunct Faculty
GetKidsInternetSafe.com

Photo Credits

Photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash

Photo by ALMA on Unsplash

Texting, Hip Hop, and Too Many Cheeseburgers

January 7, 2014 by Dr. Tracy Bennett

Parenting will probably be the hardest thing we ever do. If you don’t think that yet … buckle in it’s probably coming. With screens, parenting has gotten even harder. I also think it’s gotten more difficult to be a teen. Normal developmental mistakes are broadcast and shared among too many immediately and the sharing of dangerous “coping” methods happen too often. This article is about my oldest daughter, who graduated in 2012. This was even before the scary social media platforms came on-scene. Here’s a story about a road trip with a teen, texting, and a perimenopausal mother; what could possibly go wrong?

My oldest daughter, Carly, is amazing. She has always had the kind of vibrancy that makes everybody in her presence buzz. She’s smart, funny, and beautiful, and I’m beyond smitten with her. (I know, duh, I’m her mom). She and I have a close and complex relationship. She was my only for eight years and my mini-mom for her younger brother and sister after that. We complete each other’s sentences, yet have totally different ideas of “clean.” Nobody knows me better or gets to me quicker. Just as she puts sparkle in my soul, she can make me simmer with frustration.

During the summer between her sophomore and junior years, I panicked that she was not intending to pursue the future of my dreams. Yes, I said MY dreams. Since I loved her so much, I dreamed her future would be pre-paved by my hard-earned experience. No failures and frustrations for my child. She’d accept my wisdom and effortlessly make her way.

You’d think I’d know better being a shrink. Of course kids don’t accept parent influence like that. Once they become teens, it’s the healthy course for them to be hell-bent on stumbling into their own mistakes. As they hitch their own wagons, we can only look on wide-eyed and trembling. It is then that parents must grieve the children they expected (fantasy) and accept the children they got (reality).

Lucky for me, Carly’s true self is way better than my fantasy of who she would be. I had to learn that by coursing through many parenting challenges along the way. Don’t judge, you will too. 🙂

One of those challenges happened with my brilliant idea to inspire Carly’s academic goals with a college visit road trip. Well, technically it wasn’t all my idea. At the time, we were hanging with the coolest parents we know, at the coolest backstage concert venue we’ve ever been, when we were treated with the story of how their college road trip inspired their son into four-year university. Convinced at that moment I was failing to inspire as a parent, I rushed home and frantically mapped out a last minute, end-of-the-summer college road trip throughout Central and Northern California. Just Carly and I on a life adventure! It’s an understatement to say that Carly was NOT happy with my impulsive announcement. It was honestly nothing less than a cultish abduction inspired by maternal enthusiasm. I dismissed her pleas to let her spend the remaining two weeks of summer hanging with her friends and packed us up to go, snacks and sodas in the cooler, playlists on the iPod. Carly affectionately calls me BOSS LADY for a reason.

We launched on a beautiful sunny day; me at the wheel chirping excitedly with agenda in hand, Carly beside me rolling her eyes wearing a hoodie, earphones, and scowling contempt. At 15 years old, her love-hate for me ran deep and boiling, just as mine did for my mother when I was 15. I understood it completely and considered myself impervious, saintly if you will. After all, in my panic it was evident I had few opportunities left to land amazing feats of perfect mothering. And damn it we were going to go down ablaze tryin’!

Carly and I were no strangers to mother-daughter togetherness. As cheer mom of her high school cheer squad, I drove her and her friends to every home and away game for all football, basketball, and volleyball seasons for two years running; her little brother and sister clutching their Nintendo DS’s in tow. She and I were like a well-oiled machine fueled by smoothies and silver hair bows.

Upon pulling out of the driveway, Carly immediately hijacked the stereo for hip-hop, knowing that in an hour I’d pull rank to soak in my achingly sad singer-songwriter dirges. I was afire with anticipation.

It was as soon as the second hour of driving when my eager delight began to wane. At this point, I had exhausted my most inspired questions to entice her into conversation. She occasionally placated me with a forced nod or two-word response, most the time texting madly to her army of fascinating friends. When she did talk to me, she would give me that dead-eyed stare only teenage girls can give their mothers, then look with adoration at her iPhone, throwing her head back giggling at times with true delight. It was beyond annoying.

By the fifteenth dead-eyed stare, I was sulking and angry, or more accurately, self-righteously furious. How could she be so entitled when I had given up EVERYTHING to pave this path of college educational awesomeness? Kids these days and their entitlement…my head abuzz with indignation.

Now I could drag you through some entertaining tales about this road trip that would make you LOL and recoil in empathy for us both, but I won’t. Let’s just say she had little interest in navigating, and I had little interest in being compassionate. Overall, we rescued a pretty good trip.

Reflecting Back . . .

A credit to Carly’s innate kindness, she somehow forgave my epic tantrum stemming from my perceived rejection the first three hours. And over the next ten days we braved a historical B&B full of rose-colored wallpaper and creepy staring dolls, had a whirl through San Francisco with my two best college buddies in a convertible Mini Cooper, and hobnobbed with drag queens in the Castro district. We drove along beautiful pine mountain roads, ate lots of cheeseburgers, and splashed our feet in a gurgling stream. I even backed into a pole in a parking lot, which was awesome modeling in crisis management considering she was logging driving permit hours.

Oh and the college tours! Despite my efforts to entice her into the campus of my dreams, Carly soundly vetoed every campus visited, ultimately choosing what turned out to be the perfect local alternative. No pine woods and darling river guide co-eds for Carly. She opted for a slower academic transition closer to home with beaches and frat boys. True to our special connection, we ultimately negotiated a choice that honored her individuality while soothing my fears of academic slacking. She even saved us loads of cash along the way, while kicking tail to a bachelor’s degree earned in only four years! Unheard of in today’s impacted college campuses. She had an awesome college experience…and I learned that I should have listened to her better…and sooner.

On this riot of a road trip, I learned more from Carly than she will ever know. Not only did I recognize that she is worthy of profound trust, but also that my fears that she would no longer need me were only partly true. And that army of texters that kept her distracted from my neediness? They wanted what was best for her too. Ultimately I had to learn to trust them as well.

From the proud heartbreak of watching my little girl become her own woman, I gathered the serenity I needed to help other families negotiate the loaded landscape of adolescence. The truth is, no matter how much we want to rescue them from life’s tragedies, they must experience their own failures to find success.

As we hide our faces in fear, we must not forget to peek through and be impressed by their gritty adolescent ferocity, because that is exactly what is necessary to carve adult resilience. To preserve sanity during your occasionally terrifying parenting journey, keep your sense of humor and remember that each challenging phase passes. But the special memories live forever…especially those that involve hiphop, mountain passes, and too many cheeseburgers. Enjoy your frantic, panic-inspired road trips.

Onward to More Awesome Parenting,

Tracy S. Bennett, Ph.D.
Mom, Clinical Psychologist, CSUCI Adjunct Faculty
GetKidsInternetSafe.com

Photo Credits

Golden Country by Greg Westfall, CC by 2.0
Happy by Greg Westfall, CC by 2.0

Tavi Gevinson demonstrates teen empowerment in this inspiring TED talk