Like Tracy Chapman crooned, “Talking about a revolution sounds like a whisper.” Each day I am inspired by experiences that seem divinely connected. I hope today’s article, which includes some TED talks and a wacky story about how I met my husband, triggers in you the inspiration to be a smarter parent in the digital age and join the GetKidsInternetSafe (GKIS) Parenting Revolution. It is time!
You know those days when the universe hands you experiences that somehow connect? And when that happens, you feel compelled to DO SOMETHING? It’s as if you’ve just received a gift and must decide whether to unwrap it and delve into something deliciously important or simply fold laundry and carry on with your day?
This morning the universe handed me two TED talks, a psychology ethics and law conference, and a scary clinical story of the week. Morgan referred me to the first TED talk after she saw it in a college education course (embedded at the bottom of this article). In this award winning presentation (2013 TED Prize), educational researcher, Sugata Mitra, describes his brilliant experiment where he placed a computer in a hole in the wall facing a slum in India with no instruction and no supervision. After a few weeks, researchers returned to the computer to find that groups of children had taught themselves, and each other, complex theory, even when it wasn’t in their own language! When he repeated this experiment with an adult standing by to provide praise (still no instruction), the children performed even better! He argues that our education system is outdated and argues for reform. Mr. Mitra’s experiment highlighted some important variables discussed within GetKidsInternetSafe. Specifically, technology is an excellent motivator and learning tool for our children, and adult affection and supervision remains essential for our children’s healthy cognitive and emotional development. He also highlights the need for analysis and redesign to educate our children in the digital age. OPPORTUNITY.
In regard to the clinical situation that struck me this week, ethics restraints inhibit me from describing it in detail. But let me just say it involves two vulnerable adolescents who acted out sexually at school in a way that was clearly inspired by pornography exposure. These types of situations are extremely distressing for all involved and happening at a frequency I’ve never before seen in my 20-year clinical career. CONCERN.
I also attended a law and ethics conference this week. Although my colleagues and I sometimes dread these conferences due to the discussions about informed consent and computer firewalls, I always leave energized make a difference as a psychologist. HARD WORK.
The second TED talk I included illuminates the courage needed to start a movement and touches upon the importance of, not just the movement’s creator, but also the first follower. As a get-to-know-each-other piece, I’ll tell you a story about how I learned that my most comfortable role is first follower and why, although initially irritated about it, I eventually learned to embrace this aspect of my personality (and snag my awesome husband). After all, my leadership style is what pushed me to start a much-needed revolution in parenting in the digital age when I wasn’t seeing enough of us was stepping up to lead. I’m hoping that it will inspire you to analyze what leadership role best fits you and to join the GKIS PARENTING REVOLUTION!
In the early 1990s, with four years of clinical psychology coursework out of the way, I started my hard-won internship at the local Veterans Administration (VA) Hospital. Within the first month, I signed up to participate in a 4-day Tavistock conference. The mission of this conference was to join an assortment of other mental health professionals to learn about group process. Essentially, the conference participants were tasked to form small groups and interact with each other while trained staff interpreted unconscious process. With this structure, participants learned what role(s) they took in a group by analyzing their own and other’s behaviors during prescribed tasks.
People often ask my husband and me how we met. It is always a fun story to tell them that we met and fell for each other during this weird and wonderful conference. (This is also where my husband says it was a nude conference – which it wasn’t.)
The attended with my friend, Pam, who was a mother of two and the wife of a fundamentalist minister. Being in graduate school, she was exploring all parts of her personality and impulsively attended the conference wearing a leather jacket and smoking cigarettes. (Graduate school made us all a little crazy, ha-ha.) She and I ended up in the same small group as a tall, bearded psychiatry resident from UCLA named Dan. It wasn’t long into the first day when I found myself seeking him out during the breaks. I remember becoming intrigued by his rebellious spirit and when he made some sort of Greek mythology reference, I swooned because I found him brilliant, sexy, and Tracy-level nerdish.
So to make a long story short, despite my efforts to pretend I was a consummate professional and not lusting on this mysterious psychiatry resident, Dan and I ended up co-leaders to the weirdest assortment of characters at the conference. Normally, I would have bailed on this group of wacky strangers in favor of joining friends, but I didn’t want to leave Dan, and he didn’t want to leave me. So fresh out of the Navy and disgusted with our hippy ideas, Dan shook his head as we voted for a “tribal leadership” style. This meant we took turns leading based on the group we were meeting, including my friend Pam’s group who wore crowns of leaves, called themselves “Athena,” and would only acknowledge the women in our group. See? Crazy town.
Just to touch on some highlights of our weird conference, let me say that many people dropped out from the stress. Our group took double lunches and was the only group to refuse staff support. By the end the conference, our group was voted the most in need of psychological intervention. (I exaggerate, but it’s mostly true.) Also by the end of the four days, Dan and I were half out of our minds with weird psychology process and attraction for each other. We learned so much about how we tend to lead as individuals, and this knowledge inspires me to step up when I see a need and to enlist support to make a real difference. As Dan and I walked to our cars to go home the last day, he became the first (and last) man I ever actually asked out. And, true to what we learned in the conference, we teach our three kids that being a leader is a gift that must be developed.
My anxiety about what I was seeing in practice and in my own home inspired me to start www.GetKidsInternetSafe.com. It is evident from the feedback I am getting and the learning along the way that we more than education, WE NEED A GetKidsInternetSafe PARENTING REVOLUTION!
The “Hole in the Wall” TED talk pointed out that our kids have mind-blowing learning opportunities if we embrace it with them! My clinical experiences tell me that some real damage is being done because we aren’t doing our best parenting, and the time to act is NOW! And the ethics conference reminded me that putting work into a new project is intimidating and sometimes difficult, but doing the right thing always outweighs the easy thing. And finally, the “How to Start a Movement” TED talk confirmed that it is time we take the reins in this Wild West time of unsupervised/unregulated technology. I’m up dancing people, grab your jazz hands and run to the grassy knoll. We have some real work to do!
There are lots of inspiring posts on my GetKidsInternetSafe Facebook page. Please give me some “likes” by connecting with the grey social media buttons on the side bar and recommend www.GetKidsInternetSafe.com to those you would grab by the hand to join you for an inspired interpretive dance! Time to get the GKIS PARENTING REVOLUTION launched!
I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetKidsInternetSafe.
Onward to More Awesome Parenting,
Tracy S. Bennett, Ph.D.
Mom, Clinical Psychologist, CSUCI Adjunct Faculty
GetKidsInternetSafe.com
Photo credits:
Trambourmajor by Niels Linneberg, CC by-NC-SA 2.0
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