love

Online Pornography’s Impact on Kids and Teens

October 13, 2019 by Dr. Tracy Bennett

Parents in my practice and GetKidsInternetSafe subscribers commonly ask me about the impact of pornography on kids. They comment on how different today’s world is from when we were young. Most people even assume that kids today are more promiscuous than we were. But here is what you may be surprised to learn: even though today’s teens demonstrate more acceptance of casual and what we used to consider deviant sexual practices (like oral sex, anal sex, same-gender sex, and polyamory), teens are more sexually responsible than previous generations. In fact, despite popular misconceptions that teens are hooking up casually, the truth is they are “talking” more than dating and having sex later and with fewer partners than previous generations. They are also more likely to use contraception, resulting in teen pregnancy rates being at an all-time low. That gives me hope that, because of American’s more casual attitude toward sex, we are doing a better job at sex education and supervision. To that end, I’ve included this section of my book, Screen Time in the Mean Time: A Parenting Guide to Get Kids and Teens Internet Safe, free for GKIS blog readers. Hang on to your hats parents, no matter how open-minded you are, you are likely to find some of this information concerning and IMPORTANT!

Online pornography is popular and easily available. We don’t know how popular it actually is though, because a large number of pornography websites are reticent to share traffic numbers. Best estimates are that 13% of web searches are for online pornography.[i] What we do know is that the number of viewers and time spent viewing is growing. A particularly popular single pornographic site, Pornhub’s 2018 Year in Review reported:

“Visits to Pornhub totaled 33.5 billion over the course of 2018, an increase of 5 billion visits over 2017. That equates to a daily average of 92 million visitors and at the time of this writing, Pornhub’s daily visits now exceed 100 million. To put that into perspective, that’s as if the combined populations of Canada, Poland and Australia all visited Pornhub every day! …When they’re not busy watching videos, Pornhub’s users enjoy socializing, with nearly 64 million private messages sent and 7.9 million video comments left. … More than 141 million people took the time to vote for their favorite videos, which incidentally is more people than voted in the last U.S. presidential election.… Once again, the United States continues to be the country with the highest daily traffic to Pornhub, followed by the United Kingdom, India, Japan, Canada, France, and Germany.”[ii]

Furthermore, today’s online pornography is nothing like the images from our fathers’ Playboy magazines. Most pornographic videos are scripted to display fantastical versions of the sexual desires and prowess of men.[iii] Most often, that means scenes with women as sexual objects who are seemingly delighted to be the willing and passive victim of demeaning verbal and physical aggression, often by one or more men at a time. Porn content is rich with violent and fetish acts that bear little resemblance to loving intimacy. As customers satiate to milder versions of pornographic activity, clever content developers produce increasingly risqué content to keep their customers browsing. The top seven Pornhub searches for 2018 were lesbian, hentai, milf, stepmom, Japanese, mom, and teen.

With popularity and ease of access through mobile screens and gaming consoles, many kids and teens intentionally seek and are being accidentally exposed to, inappropriate sexual images and videos. Based on a set of EU studies, Kierkegaard (2008) states that children have access to Internet pornography at the average age of eleven years old.[iv] Not only are kids and teens seeking sexual content for titillation, but many kids are also relying on online pornography as their primary source of sexual education.[v] Alarmingly, I am seeing more and more kids intentionally seeking pornographic content and creating and exchanging nude images and videos. How often are children viewing porn, and, when they do, what kinds of harm may result from that exposure?

Estimates from research studies vary widely, most suggesting that a minority of adolescents actually access online pornography.[vi] However, in one study conducted in 2008 with 562 undergraduates, 93% of boys and 62% of girls reported that they were exposed to pornography during adolescence.[vii] In my clinical experience, it is quite common due to unfiltered smartphone and tablet use among younger children. Studies show that kids tend to consider what they see online as attractive, normative, and risk-free and may go as far as emulating it.[viii][ix] The online worlds of MMORPGs increasingly feature virtual sexual assault and pornographic behaviors, and popular television series deliver increasingly violent content and explicit themes.

Who is most at risk for online pornography consumption?

The typical adolescent online pornography user is a boy who is more pubertally advanced, a sensation-seeker, and has weak or troubled family relations.[x] Boys are more likely to be exposed at an earlier age, to see more images, to see more extreme images (e.g., rape, child pornography), and to view pornography more often; while girls reported more involuntary exposure.[xi]Statistics demonstrate that female viewing is going up every year. Pornhub’s 2018 Year in Review report stated, “2018 saw the proportion of female visitors to Pornhub grow to 29%, an increase of 3 percentage points over 2017.”[xii] Depression and rule-breaking are also risk factors.[xiii][xiv]

What affects does viewing pornography have on kids?

Research demonstrates that pornography use among children, teens, or adults has been associated with:

Cynical attitudes about intimacy, fidelity, and love[xv]
Stronger gender-stereotypical sexual beliefs[xvi]
Desensitization and habituation with explicit content, meaning the user’s appetite changes over time from less extreme to more extreme forms of pornography to get the same intensity of enjoyment. This also validates deviant sex practices and potentially lowers inhibitions to engage in inappropriate sexual interactions online and offline[xvii]
Attitudes supporting violence against women[xviii]
More permissive sexual attitudes, especially in regard to the place of sex in relationships[xix][xx][xxi]
Greater experience with casual sexual behavior[xxii][xxiii]
Earlier sexual intercourse[xxiv]
More sexual aggression, both in terms of perpetration and victimization[xxv]
Three times more sexually aggressive behavior when exposed to nonviolent porn[xxvi]
Twenty-four times more sexually aggressive behavior when exposed to violent porn[xxvii]
A clinically impairing addiction, called Hypersexual Disorder.

Causal research would require purposely exposing children to pornographic content. Because that is not safe or ethical, all research studies about child exposure to online pornography are correlational. We cannot conclusively say whether online pornography causes certain attitudes or behaviors. Obviously, the correlation findings quoted above are concerning. Blocking kids from online pornography is common sense. Not only is viewing pornography an issue, but more active sexual role playing online also makes kids vulnerable to sexual predators. These attitudes and behaviors are impactful in the short term and may also lead to problematic life-long trauma and intimacy issues.[xxviii]

If this information is useful to you, please share it with friends and family. Too many of us bury our heads to the reality of online pornography and child access. There’s so much to know! If you are looking for a one-source guide to screen risk, benefit, and the parenting strategies that can strengthen your parent-child relationship while keeping them safer, pick up a copy of Screen Time in the Mean Time on Amazon. And for a step-by-step guide to setting up your home for enrichment and screen safety, you won’t want to miss my Connected Family Course. Parents tell me all the time how much they’ve appreciated having the information for prevention rather than hearing it AFTER they end up in my psychology office. Education matters!

I’m the mom psychologist who helps you GetKidsInternetSafe.

Onward to More Awesome Parenting,

Dr. Tracy Bennett

Works Cited

[i]http://www.forbes.com/sites/julieruvolo/2011/09/07/how-much-of-the-internet-is-actually-for-porn/#434a4de761f7

[ii]https://www.pornhub.com/insights/2018-year-in-review#us

[iii]Brown, J., & L’Engle, K. (2009). “X-Rated: Sexual Attitudes & Behaviors Associated with U.S. Early Adolescents’ Exposure to Sexually Explicit Media.” Communication Research36, 129, 133.

[iv]Kierkegaard, S. (2008). Cybering, online grooming & age-play. Computer Law & Security Report, 24(1), 41–55.

[v]Kanuga, M. & Rosenfeld, W. (2004). “Adolescent Sexuality & the Internet: The Good, the Bad, & the URL.” Journal of Pediatrics & Adolescent Gynecology17, 117, 120

[vi]Peter, J., & Valkenburg, P. (2016): Adolescents & Pornography: A Review of 20 Years of Research, The Journal of Sex Research, DOI: 10.1080/00224499.2016.1143441

[vii]Sabina, Chiara, et al. “The Nature and Dynamics of Internet Pornography Exposure for Youth.” CyberPsychology & Behavior, vol. 11, no. 6, 2008, pp. 691–693., doi:10.1089/cpb.2007.0179.

[viii]Rich, M. (2005). “Sex Screen: The Dilemma of Media Exposure & Sexual Behavior.” Pediatrics116, 329, 330.

[ix]Zillmann, D. (2000). “Influence of Unrestrained Access to Erotica on Adolescents’ & Young Adults’ Dispositions Towards Sexuality.”Journal of Adolescent Health27, 41, 42.

[x]Peter, J. & Valkenburg, P. (2016): Adolescents & Pornography: A Review of 20 Years of Research, The Journal of Sex Research,DOI: 10.1080/00224499.2016.1143441

[xi]Sabina, Chiara, et al. “The Nature and Dynamics of Internet Pornography Exposure for Youth.” CyberPsychology & Behavior, vol. 11, no. 6, 2008, pp. 691–693., doi:10.1089/cpb.2007.0179.

[xii]https://www.pornhub.com/insights/2018-year-in-review#us

[xiii]Wolak, J., Mitchell, K., & Finkelhor. D. (2007). “Unwanted & Wanted Exposure to Online Pornography in a National Sample of Youth Internet Users.” Pediatrics119.2: 247-57. Web.

[xiv]Ybarra, M., et al. (2011). “X-Rated Material & Perpetration of Sexually Aggressive Behavior Among Children & Adolescents: Is There a Link?” Aggressive Behavior37, 1, 3, 7.

[xv]Zillmann, D. (2000). “Influence of Unrestrained Access to Erotica on Adolescents’ & Young Adults’ Dispositions Towards Sexuality.”Journal of Adolescent Health27, 41, 42.

[xvi]Peter, J. & Valkenburg, P. (2016): Adolescents & Pornography: A Review of 20 Years of Research, The Journal of Sex Research, DOI: 10.1080/00224499.2016.1143441

[xvii]Zillmann, D. (2000). “Influence of Unrestrained Access to Erotica on Adolescents’ & Young Adults’ Dispositions Towards Sexuality.”Journal of Adolescent Health27, 41, 42.

[xviii]Hald, Gert, Martin, et al. (2009). “Pornography & Attitudes Supporting Violence Against Women: Revisiting the Relationship in Nonexperimental Studies.” Aggressive Behavior35, 1, 3, 5.

[xix]Peter, J., Valkenburg, P., & Schouten, A. (2006). Characteristics & motives of adolescents talking with strangers on the Internet. Cyberpsychology & Behavior, 9, 526–530.

[xx]Peter, J. & Valkenburg, P. (2016): Adolescents & Pornography: A Review of 20 Years of Research, The Journal of Sex Research, DOI: 10.1080/00224499.2016.1143441

[xxi]Zillmann, D. (2000). “Influence of Unrestrained Access to Erotica on Adolescents’ & Young Adults’ Dispositions Towards Sexuality.”Journal of Adolescent Health27, 41, 42.

[xxii]Peter, J. & Valkenburg, P. (2016): Adolescents & Pornography: A Review of 20 Years of Research, The Journal of Sex Research, DOI: 10.1080/00224499.2016.1143441

[xxiii]Zillmann, D. (2000). “Influence of Unrestrained Access to Erotica on Adolescents’ & Young Adults’ Dispositions Towards Sexuality.”Journal of Adolescent Health27, 41, 42.

[xxiv]Peter, J. & Valkenburg, P. (2016): Adolescents & Pornography: A Review of 20 Years of Research, The Journal of Sex Research, DOI: 10.1080/00224499.2016.1143441

[xxv]Peter, J. & Valkenburg, P. (2016): Adolescents & Pornography: A Review of 20 Years of Research, The Journal of Sex Research, DOI: 10.1080/00224499.2016.1143441

[xxvi]Ybarra, M., et al. (2011). “X-Rated Material & Perpetration of Sexually Aggressive Behavior Among Children & Adolescents: Is There a Link?” Aggressive Behavior37, 1, 3, 7.

[xxvii]Ybarra, M., et al. (2011). “X-Rated Material & Perpetration of Sexually Aggressive Behavior Among Children & Adolescents: Is There a Link?” Aggressive Behavior37, 1, 3, 7.

[xxviii]Villani, S. (2001). “Impact of Media on Children & Adolescents: A 10-Year Review of the Research.”Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry40, 392, 399.

Photo Credits

Photo by pawel szvmanski on Unsplash

Photo by AC De Leon on Unsplash

Photo by Josh Hild on Unsplash

The Emotional Cost of Ancestry DNA

August 16, 2019 by GetKidsInternetSafe

Ancestry.com launched their genealogy company in 1983, allowing millions of people to research their family history.[1] Since that time, Ancestry.com and similar companies like 23andMe have added additional features. You can find out your entire genetic code by simply taking their saliva swab test. Within a few short weeks, you will receive your genealogical makeup and access to their social media account. This allows you to “match” with previous individuals who have taken the test to find your genetic connection. Although these tests seem intriguing, they leave out one crucial aspect: unexpected matches. Here’s my story on how my unexpected match changed my life.

How does it work?

For $99 you can mail in a saliva sample and, six weeks later, receive your 99.9% accurate DNA report.[2] Features of Ancestry.com and 23andMe saliva swab test include:

An ethnicity estimate
Updates of new DNA matchups as new information comes out
Social media connection to members who have already taken the test
Estimated relationship to matches (sister, aunt, great-grandma, etc.)
Regions in which your DNA is predominant

It Can Happen to Anyone

Here is a personal experience from my GKIS intern, Kaitlin. In December 2018 I got a phone call from my father. He was happier than usual, and I could tell he had important news to share. He told me he had taken the Ancestry DNA swab test and received a notification stating an estimated relationship – his previously unknown twenty-seven-year-old daughter!

At first, I felt devastated for a woman who had missed out on a relationship with her biological father. I realized how lucky I was to have had my father in my life. My father was really sick and at the end of his life. Meeting this new person meant incorporating her into one of the hardest moments of my family’s life.

The timeline of when she was born and when my parents got married was extremely close. The family was shocked. The news created problems between my parents at the end of his life.

My newly discovered sister had reached out to someone she thought was her father years prior to the discovery of my father and was brutally rejected. She was traumatized from his reaction. Once Ancestry DNA became popular, she decided to take the test to find the answer to this life-long identity question.

Upon learning the news, I felt obligated to encourage their relationship while also comforting my mom. I was confused and didn’t know how to react. I reached out to my new sister, but she seemed more interested in getting to know her biological father than getting involved with me.

That didn’t bother me as much as how she reacted when my dad passed away this year. After not talking to each other, despite several attempts to get to know her, she said some extremely hurtful things about what my father would’ve wanted and how I wasn’t fulfilling his final wishes. It seemed she thought her six months with my father meant more than my twenty-four years. It broke my heart and left me feeling resentful towards my biological sister. Now that my father is gone, I honestly just wish he never took the test.

That’s what they don’t warn you about before taking these tests. The possibility of finding the information you might not be ready for.

Why don’t they warn us?

Both 23andMe and Ancestry craft their advertising to intrigue and draw customers in. Their entire marketing strategy is solely focused on finding your genetic makeup and finding yourself. Ironically, you might find an entirely new person as well.

Absolutely nothing is said about the risky possibilities.

I couldn’t even find a warning in the “What to expect from AncestryDNA” post on Ancestry.com.[3] Identity can be fragile, and learning something as life altering and traumatic as an unexpected connection can change your entire life[4] One can only imagine how hard it must be for people to find out the parent that raised them isn’t actually their biological parent. There is also a possibility of finding out about infidelity or sexual assault. There was even a news story about a woman finding out that her biological father was her mother’s infertility specialist!

We at GKIS believe that these companies owe their customers more than they’re giving. Customers would be better served if there was a warning about the serious and potentially unintended psychological consequences of the information provided. Preparing customers for the unexpected at least offers an opportunity for making an informed opinion.

Online Support Groups

If you’ve had a psychological trauma resulting from DNA testing, you don’t have to go through it alone. There are several Facebook support groups available. For example, the NPE Friends Fellowship is an organization dedicated to people who have received answers they weren’t expecting.[5] The goals of these groups include receiving recognition and validation and finding a supportive community of people who understand and help each other heal. These groups allow the option of anonymity, along with a vulnerability backed by trust amongst peers who have experienced similar stories.

NPE Fellowship

Facebook DNA NPE Gateway Group

DNA Suprise Support Group

AncestryDNA Matching

The Donor Conception Network

Families are complicated and so are the reasons behind family secrets. My family decided to handle this with open arms and offer support for my new sister. If something like this has happened to you or a friend, here are some options for you:

Stay calm and supportive.
Talk it out with your family members.
Join a Facebook support group.
Consult with a clinical psychologist like Dr. Bennett!

Thank you to CSUCI Intern, Kaitlin Hoover for telling her story. If you or someone you know is struggling with trauma from a DNA test result and you aren’t sure what steps to take please read the article, If Your Child Has Clinical Distress, Social Media May Lead Them to Safety.

I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetKidsInternetSafe.

Onward to More Awesome Parenting,

Tracy S. Bennett, Ph.D.
Mom, Clinical Psychologist, CSUCI Adjunct Faculty
GetKidsInternetSafe.com

Works Cited

[1] Ancestry celebrates 25 years. (2008, June 25). Retrieved February 15, 2018, from https://blogs.ancestry.com/ancestry/2008/06/25/ancestry-celebrates-25-years/

[2]Ancestry. (1997-2019). Retrieved February 15, 2018, from https://www.ancestry.com/

[3] NPE friends. (2018). Retrieved February 15, 2019_, from https://www.npefellowship.org/projects/

[4] Before You Buy (N.D.) What to Expect from AncestryDNA. Retrieved February 15, 2019, https://support.ancestry.com/s/article/US-What-to-Expect-from-AncestryDNA

[5] Center for Substance Abuse Treatment. (2014). Trauma-Informed Care in Behavorial Health Services.Retrieved February 15, 2019, from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK207201/

Photo Credits

Photo by Kelsey Knighton Unsplash

Photo by Ousa Cheaon Unsplash

Photo by Artem Malstev on Unsplash

Photo by Rawpixelon Unsplash

Photo by Raj Eiamworakul on Unsplash

Are American Millennials Practicing Objectophilia?

May 6, 2019 by GetKidsInternetSafe

We attach to those we spend the most time with. It only makes sense that the more time spent online, the more we develop our virtual selves and prefer online relationships. For some heavy screen users, attachment to online characters are taking precedence over in-real-life and virtual people. Exclusively virtual connections are most commonly in Asia, but they are starting to be seen in America as well. Find out if you know anybody who’s a stranded single, suffers from celibacy syndrome, or practices objectophilia!

Stranded Singles

Stranded Singles is a term coined by Professor Masahiro Yamada, a sociologist at Chuo University in Tokyo. It refers to the larger number of young Japanese adults who live at home with their parents and have diminished interest in engaging in real life romantic or sexual relationships.[3] Studies have shown that an increasing number of Japanese women, 16-24 years old, are “not interested in or despise sexual contact.”[4]

Trends in Japan May Be Just the Beginning

A 2015 study of 18 to 34 year old’s in Japan found:

~70% of unmarried men and 60% of unmarried women are single.
~44.2% of women and 42% of men admitted their virgin status.
30% of the men and 26% of the women were not looking for a relationship.[2]
75% of single women and 70% of single men had no sexual experience by the time they were 20 years old.[3]

Celibacy Syndrome

Celibacy Syndrome means “a departure from human affection.”[4] High rates of celibacy syndrome has been posited to be a main contributor for decreasing marriage rates in Japan. Changing gender roles, like Japanese women becoming more confident in their independence and success, may also be a contributor.

Pot Noodle Love

Pot Noodle Love refers to the increasingly common instant sexual gratification from casual sex, virtual relationships, anime, and online pornography.[4] Shocking statistics have recently revealed that, between the ages of 20 and 29, 30% of single females and 15% of single males have fallen in love with a character in a game or meme.[3]

Terms to Get Familiar With:

“Moe”- Refers to individuals who fall in love with fictional computer characters. This type of relationship allows the user to control the emotions and traits of their virtual partner. Content creators make these virtual characters to be appealing to both males and females.[3]
“Herbivores”- Refers to a male that does not find sex or relationships important.[4]

Objectophilia

Otherwise known as object sexuality, objectophilarefers to people who feel romantic, emotional, or sexual feelings toward an inanimate object(s).[5]

Real Life Examples:

Married to video game character – A 27-year-old man in Tokyo named Sal 9000 married Nene Anegasaki, a video game character from the Nintendo DS game Love Plus. Sal prefers his virtual girlfriend to real-life relationships, admitting that he is attracted, in part, because she doesn’t get mad at him for not replying immediately.[5]
Two Loves – In 2004, Erika Eiffel fell in love with her “soul mate,”the Eiffel Tower. She insists their marriage is as real as any real-life relationship.[6]
Two object relationships over a lifetime – At 12 years old, Joachim fell in love with his organ. Their relationship was described as “an emotionally and physically very complex and deep relationship.” The relationship lasted years, satisfying his need for an emotional connection. Currently, Joachim is in a long-term relationship with a steam locomotive.[6]
Married to a Hologram – For years, Akihiko Kondo felt ignored and shunned by women in real life.His luck changedwhen he fell in love with Hatsune Miku, a world-famous artist and hologram plays packed stadiums in Japan.[7]

Why Would Anyone Be an Objectophile?

Social Isolation –caused by living in a remote location, constant screen use, or impoverished motivation or social skills may lead a young adult.[1]
Control & Self Protection–when a relationship is one-sided, being socially inept doesn’t matter. Loving an object that cannot actively engage with you is one way to remain in control and avoid conflict altogether.[1]
Animism –a belief that objects and buildings have a sentient or spiritual existence.[1]

Digisexuals

Digisexuality is defined as a fundamental sexual identity that comes through using screen technology. It consists of two waves of “sexual technology:”[8]

“First Wave”- fully in affect.

Digital pornography
Live camera pornography
Live sex chats
“Direct communication technologies” are not designed with the intention of being used for sexual interaction but are commonly used for that purpose.[8]
- Skype or Snapchat

“Second Wave”- evolving with technology.

Sex robots
Virtual reality sex[8]

Robots!

Many of us have seen TV shows and movies with extremely human-like robots. For instance, in the movie Her(2014) the main character falls in love with his digital assistant. Studies have found:

27% of 18 to 24-year- olds would consider dating a robot.[3][4]
Among the British population, men were three times more likely to form a relationship with a robot than a human woman.[3]
40% of 18 to 34-year-olds are worried that robots will eventually take their jobs.[3]
59% of all online traffic is generated by bots, including dating sites and social media sites.[6]

Experts have estimated that in approximately a decade, realistic sex robots will be common all over the world.[5] There are realistic sex robots on the market already. News reports show footage of men dressing their female robot and taking her to dinner. Due to artificial intelligence, the robots can respond to questions, carry conversations, and remember the responses the pleased you the most. Their pupils will even dilate and their skin warms and lubricates! The argument isn’t that robots are replacing humans, but rather people are preferring robots to humans.

Thanks to Sara Doyle, GKIS intern, for teaching us the new terminology for new types of love. Wondering how to protect your child from becoming an objectiphile?