This May, my daughter Morgan was a block away from the Isla Vista murders in Santa Barbara, California and five minutes from being a potential target. She lost one friend that night and another was shot in the leg. We were so grateful the next day to have our daughter in our arms, though aching for the parents who lost their children that night. Morgan’s grief was heartbreaking; her anguish continued for days when she became startled by gunshot noises on the television and ducked upon seeing a motorcycle rider simply watching passerbys on the highway overpass. Despite our every effort to protect her, Morgan’s sense of safety in the world is forever shaken.
And now we learn of the Slender Man stabbing, where two 12 year-old friends plotted and stabbed a third friend over 19 times after a slumber party. The perpetrators are being charged with attempted murder and their victim is fighting for her life. As a clinical psychologist, I am painfully aware that her physical wounds will heal long before her psychological wounds. For those who haven’t read the headlines, Slender Man is an online character designed as a paranormal monster, “a creature that causes general unease and terror,” as described by his creator in a podcast interview.
I cannot ethically comment on the psychological state of the perpetrators in these crimes. However, there is no question that parents should take note and question what effect gaming and Internet activities played in the motivation of the Isla Vista killer and the Wisconsin children, all who plotted their murders over months. The girls reportedly thought they could become “proxies” to the fictional character Slender Man with their violent act.
We are all very familiar with this monster image shared around campfires and at slumber parties of every generation. When we were young, I vividly remember chanting into the mirror with my girlfriends in a dark room, “Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary,” convinced that she would appear to us. Each one insisted she knew the child who actually saw Bloody Mary in the mirror. And despite our terror, we too hoped the legendary ghost would choose us for her appearance, kind of… To this day Bloody Mary continues to haunt children, frightening some to fear being alone, or in the dark, for days or months after the legend is shared. Some kids are even traumatized to the point of coming in for psychotherapy to help relieve the resulting sleep deprivation and fears that have reached clinically impairing proportions.
Talking Angela is another recent urban legend that swept playgrounds several months ago. This is an Internet app that involves a white kitten who, when spoken at, will repeat the user’s words in a kitty voice. The rumor suggested a pedophile co-opted the app and was able to see his victim and speak to her when the app was used. During Friday morning coffee with my girlfriends, an 8 year-old daughter of a friend accompanied her mother, because she was too scared and hysterical to go to school after hearing the story the night before. The young girl told me with wide eyes that she personally knew the child to whom the pedophile spoke saying, “How old are you? I know you’re not 30 years old, because I can see you.” Her mother shared that her kids frantically insisted that all screens in the house be covered with a sheet before they went to sleep. Another mother in the group shared a story about how her daughter ended up in their bed terrified night after night when she learned of Bloody Mary.
Some of you may say, “Come on. Being scared by the monsters of urban legend is a child’s rite of passage. Of the millions of children who enjoy these scary campfire stories, few go on to develop phobias and even fewer blur the line between fact and fiction to the point of action.” To those I say you have a point, but is childhood a time that anyone should be scared to where they don’t feel safe and perhaps aren’t safe among their peers?
At the very least, we need to engage in cooperative parenting dialogue and decide for ourselves where risk truly lies. As a mother to a 10 year old who asked me for the Talking Angela app hours after I heard the rumor and then asked for a Slender Man app days prior to the Slender Man tragedy, I’m not particularly comfortable that he is fully Internet safe. What can we do to avoid these exposures and, if they happen, how should we handle them?
4 GKIS Tips to avoid scary content
- Use Google Safe Search and YouTube Kids to filter Internet content.
- Insist that screen use only happens in community areas, no bedrooms, no bathrooms, no closed doors.
- Use device parental controls to limit content by age ratings and pay attention to video game ratings.
- Do not allow social media apps before middle school.
4 GKIS Tips to overcome the damage from scary content
- Validate your children’s feelings with compassion, but keep it light with a sense of humor.
- Give extra hugs and reassure your children that they are safe and secure. Share that you don’t belief in monsters and why.
- Tell stories about what scared you when your were little and how you overcame it.
- Teach about why Bloody Mary seems to happen, even though it isn’t happening (neurological event of seeing light in a stimulus-deprived environment).
Remember that little ones have a hard time separating fact from fiction without our help. Be careful not to tease, compassion is where it’s at. A special thank you to GKISser Abby for emailing me and asking for directive advice. Because of you I added more to this article about what parents can do. For more information about how sex and violence can effect behavior, check out my GKIS article Sex and Violence in Video Games Change the Brain: What GKIS Parent Need to Know.
I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetKidsInternetSafe.
Onward to More Awesome Parenting,
Tracy S. Bennett, Ph.D.
Mom, Clinical Psychologist, CSUCI Adjunct Faculty
GetKidsInternetSafe.com
To learn more specific information about the Talking Angela app, including the concern that it is too easy to toggle between the child/adult option, read more at http://www.snopes.com/computer/internet/angela.asp. Snopes is an excellent resource anytime you are concerned about the rumor versus fact.