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I was lucky enough to have a Dad who was “my person.” In other words, I always went to him when I was happy, upset, confused, angry, or just wanted to feel loved. He’s been gone for over two years now and I still miss him everyday. That kind of parent-child connection makes a profound impact for generations. How would your rate your connection with your kids?

As a clinical psychologist, one of the most important things I do is help repair relationships between parents and kids. Connection can be broken or strained by a variety of factors, including stressful circumstance, conflict, substance abuse, developmental stages, distraction, or even personality variables. Once strained, a parent-child connection is not always easy to repair. But with consistent effort, it can be done.

Below are three easy strategies for repairing a strained or broken parent-child connection:

  1. Spend time:

I know this sounds obvious, but it isn’t always easy with competing schedules. It’s important to regularly carve out time to hang out and have fun. Sharing an activity like a meal or riding in the car is fine, but co-watching screen media isn’t ideal. Try to share activities where conversation and shared laughter is possible. Sitting together at the dinner table several times a week is the perfect scenario. Make sure however that ALL screen media is turned off at meal time.

  1. Stay mindful:

This simply means stay in the present and don’t let yourself get distracted from the task at hand – connecting with your child. No stressing about what you just did or what you need to do. Notice and feel everything as though it’s your last play date for the next year. Nothing will be as rejuvenating as soaking in this precious time with your babies, so take advantage of it. They will be off to college before you know it!

  1. Create mutually interesting conversation:

What should you talk about? Anything that your kid wants to talk about! The most powerful topics will be situations immediately present in your child’s world (e.g., friends, teachers, activities, events). Below are some conversation ideas to get you started:

Ask open ended questions to elicit light conversation. The more specific the questions, the better.

  • “So how was Tiffany today? Still difficult?”
  • “Was that history test as hard as you thought it would be?”
  • “Kick ball or hand ball today?”

Share a story or teach her about something you think she would like. The funnier the story the better.

  • “Once when I was 13 years old there was this kid…”
  • “Check out this hilarious cat video!”
  • “Watch this catchy dance move I made up!” (Eye-rolls are still attention!)

In the spirit of getting tech savvy, get involved in their digital worlds (remember to keep it light-hearted).

  • “Which penguin are you?”
  • “Show me this lava castle you’ve been working so hard on.”
  • “Honey, I can’t figure out my privacy settings, can you help?”

Thanks for staying connected to GKIS and cheers to being the most awesome parent you can be! Share your last favorite memory of connecting time in the comment section below!

I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetKidsInternetSafe.

Onward to More Awesome Parenting,

Tracy S. Bennett, Ph.D.
Mom, Clinical Psychologist, CSUCI Adjunct Faculty
GetKidsInternetSafe.com

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Dr. Tracy Bennett
Dr. Tracy Bennett
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