First, let’s get it out of the way that we are all totally disgusted that any of us even care about Facebook buttons. I mean of course there are far more important things going on in the world than Aunt Gertrude’s lazy finger stab of approval at my kids’ first-day-of-school pictures.
But truthfully, those of us who use Facebook happen to “like” that Aunt Gertrude cares enough to give a look and a stab. It even warms our little social-media-loving-hearts to imagine her toothless grin when we see her “like.” And don’t we feel a particularly cozy flush if she feels generous enough to give a several word comment (“Sweetie! They’re getting so big!”)? Rejoice!
After all, without Facebook Aunt Gertrude and I would only think of each other the split second before we see each other at the sweaty cousin-infested family reunions each decade. I wouldn’t know how much she loves cats and crochet, and she’d surely miss out on my cute goats and irreverent sense of humor. As weird as it is, Aunt Gertrude and I have a relationship because of Facebook. She’s not even going to survive until the next reunion that I may or may not attend. Sad maybe, but 1000 miles and busy lives make it true. So let’s just get over ourselves and admit that our petty social media relationships really matter. Aunt Gertrude is one relationship that threads the tapestry of my life, and her shocking shade of sappy comment magenta colored yesterday’s depressingly gray tint.
OK now that I’ve gotten my defensive and slightly desperate response to the Facebook haters out of the way. Let’s get sanctimonious about that confounded “dislike” button!
I’m conflicted about the “dislike,” because I agree that it is appealing to have an opportunity for a larger range of emotional reaction to a post than “like.” I mean sometimes I want to give a buddy a quick stab of recognition for that bummer post announcing personal or public tragedy. I want them to know I’m here, you know, micromovement-heart-and-soul.
But honestly, shouldn’t something as potentially powerful as a “dislike” (read angry or frowny face or supportive hug) require more than a keyboard stab? I mean if my social media buddy took the time to post something dislikable, don’t they deserve a soft startup to my boo opinion chased with a sugary sprinkle of hope?
Post: “Yesterday my dad died, I’m devastated”
Response: “Dislike” or “Fanny, I know how much you loved him. I’m so sorry for your loss. May he rest in peace”
Post: “Polar bear plight looking desperate”
Response: “Dislike” or “This image makes me so sad I’m going to Google this and see how I might help out”
Post: “I need a hug today because I’m sad”
Response: “Dislike” or “I love you! Let’s meet for coffee”
Maybe it’s my bleeding heart ravaged by years as a healer, but honestly, have we really gotten that uncomfortable with intimacy? Shouldn’t anything dislikable deserve a little more effort than a finger stab? A little more warmth? Those icky little heart flutters of emotion, they are far better served by a moment of empathetic reflection than a stab of “yep.”
And let’s consider the potential for passive-aggressive hostility, the kind that subtweets contain and Ask.FM votes wield. “Dislike” can easily mean, “f you” or “none of us think you belong” as easily as it can affirmation. Yes we are all grossed out by the potential for cruelty and taunts on social media, but think again if you believe it’s only the kids that are doing it. Something as lame as a “dislike” can be interpreted in too many hurtful ways to make it worth it. Consider these:
Post: “Look at my new haircut!”
Response: “Dislike”
Post: “I’m so happy my son had the courage to come out yesterday!”
Response: “Dislike”
Post: “Our newborn just arrived and we couldn’t be more ecstatic!”
Response: “Dislike”
Post: “I’m a vulnerable teen and I’m really hoping you like my awkward selfie and opinions and … please, please approve of me”
Response: “1.5k dislikes” & “3 likes”
Please Mark Zuckerberg, save the cyberbullying opportunities for the more cruel social media apps populated by trolls and teens. We all spill our uglier selves out on Facebook occasionally anyway; please don’t make it as easy as a stab.
What do you think? I could be missing something here. If you even care about Facebook at all, do you think my concern about potential hurt feelings is politically correctness gone too far? Or are you with me on this one? Mark Zuckerberg needs to know.
I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetYourKidsInternetSafe.
Onward to More Awesome Parenting,
Tracy S. Bennett, Ph.D.
Mom, Clinical Psychologist, CSUCI Adjunct Faculty
GetKidsInternetSafe.com
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