Well, so many things that I can’t possibly finish that sentence. Considering all of the moms I know, it isn’t an overstatement to say we all parent very differently.
Some of us strive for ultimate enrichment, with weeks crammed full of music lessons, sports, and club meetings. We may struggle for creative quiet.
Others of us delight in lots of home time full of craft supplies, home-cooked meals, and climbing trees. We struggle for scheduled adventure.
And some of us insist on activities rich in learning, hunting out the perfect schools to inspire intellectual excellence. We struggle for silliness and giggles.
Ultimately, we all struggle for balance.
It turns out moms will never achieve the perfect balance. Being a family is a perfect blend of imperfect chaos and failure. Even the most ambitious of us have to live without things we really want. It’s not how densely rich our lives are that counts, but rather, how you live a collection of perfect moments.
In my current silent morning moment, the sun is peeking up over the hill and I’m snuggled in my warm bed with my laptop glowing on my lap. It’s so quiet, I can hear the puppy snoring in the next room and a single sleepy bird just warming up his chirp. I smell a delicious hint of cinnamon pinecones that I bought yesterday and threw in a basket in my kitchen. My husband snuck out of bed a bit ago to let the dogs out so he can meditate on the balcony. I grin because often his meditation is followed by a nap, but he gets mad if I notice. My sarcastic hilarity about his morning “meditation” sometimes goes unappreciated.
The truth is I admire him tremendously for making that happen. After all, I fully intend to meditate. And workout. And cook more thoughtful new meals. But instead, I’ve been focusing on taking care of my sick mother and her stuff, getting the kids fed and clothed, and scheduling precious outings with my husband and friends to feed the woman that I am outside of mothering.
Fulfilling every “I’m gonna…” item on my list will never happen. In the meantime, I will commit to mindful Zen moments several times a day where I soak in every delicious sensation and fill my heart with the profound pleasure of knowing how lucky I am to love and be loved. Since the early days when mindfulness became vogue in clinical practice, I have recognized that our lives are not made up of huge ambitious building blocks. Our lives are built of tiny fleeting precious moments.
Let’s capture as many moments today as we can manage. Even chocolate smeared faces and broken lamps will trigger sentiment and a quiet smile one day in our future. So instead of pitching a fit in the present, commit to sneaking off for a hot tea and a moment of grace, recognizing that there is somebody who has it far, far worse.
I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetKidsInternetSafe.
Onward to More Awesome Parenting,
Tracy S. Bennett, Ph.D.
Mom, Clinical Psychologist, CSUCI Adjunct Faculty
GetKidsInternetSafe.com
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