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Originally published by AdmireMoms

I’m a psychologist, a university lecturer, and a mom. Guess which job is the hardest? I’m not going to say that establishing screen safety in your home is easy. But I will say that, with support like GetKidsInternetSafe and plans like those in my Screen Safety Toolkit it’s totally doable and mega important. The fallout I see in my clinical office from poor safety planning is truly tragic. If you’re telling yourself one of these 5 myths, I encourage you to take some time and flush out an effective screen safety plan. You will rest so much easier once you do. On to the 5 myths I too often hear about Internet safety.

 

I SURVIVED IT, SO WILL THEY

When I think back about my childhood I grimace about the seven shades of peril I was often in. As latch key kids roaming the neighborhood in hoards, we were mostly in danger of falling out of trees and talking to strangers. Yes abduction was a concern, but neighbors were ever watchful and quick to reprimand us and tell our parents when we stepped out of line. (Sorry about the ding-dong ditching and prank calls Mr. and Mrs. Wong).

As an Internet safety expert and clinical psychologist, the online peril kids face today is far more insidious than that of yesteryear. Online predators don’t drive up and grab kids off the street. Instead they stalk them virtually on social media and chat rooms. With slow, steady contact they can gather a shocking amount of personal information that they utilize to form a relationship. They don’t need to grab them, the kids are coerced to come to them. Sprinkle in other risks like cybersecurity, exposure to inappropriate violent and sexual content, and cyberbullying and one can easily see online risks are real. This isn’t falling out of trees and reading your cousin’s Playboy magazine anymore.

 

WE TALKED ABOUT IT, SO NOW THEY KNOW BETTER

Education is an awesome first step to good online problem solving and resilience. But it isn’t enough. Kids may seem wise with their bravado and impressive technology expertise, but they’re not great at recognizing future consequence.

There’s a good reason for that. In the first 25 years of life the brain is undergoing massive remodeling. Brain cells that aren’t being used are dying off while others grow in synchronized and preplanned patterns among various brain regions. As a result, specialized skills emerge with each developmental phase.

The prefrontal region of the brain, the seat of judgment and problem solving, is among the last to mature. That means that kids don’t have the brain wiring to reason through complex online social situations, even if they’ve been told of the risks. Parents need to be present and alert every day to make up for those deficits and help them build resiliency skills throughout childhood. It’s a process rather than a one-time intervention.

 

IF I DON’T ALLOW IT, THEY’LL SNEAK IT ANYWAY

Let’s be honest, that’s a cop out. Yes it’s intimidating to program parental controls on screen devices and set up screen safety rules and structure, but the risk of letting this go is simply too high. I treat middle schoolers addicted to porn and high schoolers flunking out due to sleep deprivation from gaming and social media, among other serious problems. GetKidsInternetSafeis my way of supporting families preventively rather than treating issues after the fact. If done right, sneaking and hacking won’t undo the benefits. Parents need to do their jobs well to protect kids effectively. With support, screen safety is not as hard as most parents think.

 

EVERYBODY’S DOING IT, IT’S JUST THE TIMES

It does seem like everybody’s doing it, but that doesn’t mean your kids should. Overly restricting technology will interfere with your children’s academic and social well being, and so will being too permissive with screen media. It’s worth being that parentwho commits to a strategy and negotiates it actively as your children grow. That kind of active, warm, fun engagement also strengthens the parent-child relationship. When they see how awesome your kids are doing, other parents will follow your lead. That means your children’s friends will also be less likely to browse into trouble.

 

PARENTAL CONTROLS FILTER ADEQUATELY, PLUS I CHECK THEIR BROWSER HISTORY. I’M GOOD ON SCREEN SAFETY.

Of man . . . if only. Tech is getting more sophisticated and user friendly for sure, but nothing beats old-fashioned human ingenuity to come up with work arounds. The truth is, inappropriate content will show up on your children’s screens. It just will. Recently a teacher friend told me a story that she was looking up “big mouth bass” with a bunch of first graders, and by some horrifying stroke of the key an explicit body part filled the screen. She mimed what it was like to slap at the keyboard while launching her body in front of the screen, all while trying not to scream hysterically. This followed by several uncomfortable telephone conversations with, thankfully, understanding parents.

So what can we do? Build a powerful parent-child relationship, set up filtering and monitoring tech, and develop innovative parenting strategies to keep screen use moderate and safe. No need to be overly restrictive or overly permissive. And as a mom and psychologist, I urge honesty and transparency. Don’t risk losing your credibility by spying and ambushing your kids with online discoveries. Let them know from the beginning that you love them enough to be engaged with their nonvirtual AND virtual selves.

I’m the mom psychologist who will help you GetYourKidsInternetSafe.

Onward to More Awesome Parenting,

Tracy S. Bennett, Ph.D.
Mom, Clinical Psychologist, CSUCI Adjunct Faculty
GetKidsInternetSafe.com

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Dr. Tracy Bennett
Dr. Tracy Bennett
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